Tentative Acceptance
by Katnz17
Summary: One disastrous party leads to one life altering mistake for Jude. When she finds herself pregnant at seventeen and completely alone, she finds help from the most unexpected source. Jommy
1. Chapter 1: Extremes

**Tentative Acceptance**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Instant Star.

**Synopsis:** One disastrous party leads to one life altering mistake for Jude. When she finds herself pregnant at seventeen and completely alone, she finds help from the most unexpected source.

**Setting:** Jude is seventeen and Tommy is twenty-one. Jude one the Instant Star competition just like she did in Instant Star, however there are some variations. Her relationship with Tommy never entered the romantic realm as it did on her sixteenth birthday; in fact, it barely entered the friendship realm. They continued on much as they were at the beginning of the pilot episode. Tommy was professional, polite and cool. When they made music together the two would bond and laugh occasionally but outside of work Tommy was the very picture of professionalism.

As he said to Kwest in 'Unsweet Sixteen', 'I'm not that guy', only here he really was.

Shay never happened, or Jamie, or Spiederman. Tommy didn't date Sadie but has seen various woman over the last two years.

Jude's father never had the affair and her parents never got divorced. The world this story exists in is not identical to ours today. I did consider setting it in the fifties to further explain Jude's parents' actions but decided that would complicate things. My stories world is simply one where teenagers aren't as promiscuous as they are today and teen pregnancies are a shameful thing.

**Chapter 1: Extremes**

Jude sat on the cold floor of the G-Major bathroom, hugging her knees to her chest. Silent tears ran down her face as she clutched the pregnancy test in one shaking hand.

It was the third one she'd taken and it was positive.

She'd been living with the possibility for a few weeks now before finally taking the plunge and taking the test. She tried to tell herself she should go see a Doctor before freaking out, maybe the tests where wrong but she knew they weren't.

This couldn't be happening. She was seventeen. She lived with her parents. She was living every girl's dream - she was a rock star for goodness sake!

She closed her eyes tightly and thought back over that fateful night little more then a month ago. She'd attended a party thrown by a classmate at her high school. She'd gone alone, her friends having deserted her as fame took hold of her life. For one night she'd wanted to be a normal teenage girl, she'd wanted to leave the stress of work and mounting pressure behind her.

Jude gulped and stifled a sob.

She couldn't remember anything past arriving and drinking a number of cans of beer. She didn't remember having sex.

Oh God. She didn't even know who the father was.

---

Tommy impatiently drummed his fingers against the soundboard as he stared into the empty recording booth. He glanced over at Kwest who shrugged in response.

He kicked against the wall, causing his chair to slide back, "Where is she?" He demanded angrily as he stood and began to pace around the room.

"Cut her some slack, Tom. She seemed really upset this morning."

Tommy ran a hand through his short dark hair, "I don't have time for teenage dramas. This is a job and if she can't handle that-"

"This is Jude we're talking about. She's always professional. You can't fault her on that" He eyed his friend, "I think you find it hard to fault her on anything."

Tommy glared at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kwest met his eyes and didn't break the stare, "You tell me."

Tommy kicked at his chair, "I'm going to go find her," He declared before opening the studio door and storming out.

He spoke to the doorman who reported Jude had arrived back at G-Major after her lunchtime break about a half an hour before. Tommy began checking each room in the building and asking if anyone had seen her. Eventually an intern mentioned she'd seen her go into one of the bathrooms.

"Jude?" He tapped lightly on the bathroom door, "You in there?" He leaned his ear against the door and heard muffled sobs. "Jude?" He called again.

"Go away" Came the soft reply.

"Come on Jude," He said firmly, "We don't have time for this."

There was a clicking sound as she unlocked the door, a moment later it swung open and she stood before him, her scarlet hair seemed a shade duller and her eyes were rimmed with red from crying, "What?" She demanded.

He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was looking then motioning for her to step back he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong?" He asked. He wanted to put a hand on her shoulder, to offer some sort of comfort but propriety held him back.

She shook her head and turned away, "Nothing."

"Right," He nodded sarcastically, 'Obviously."

She glanced over her shoulder at him, an indignant glimmer in her eyes.

He held his hands up in a surrendering motion, "Sorry. Look, just tell me. Maybe I can help?"

She shook her head and laughed, not a joyful and musical laugh like her usual but a sad and bitter sound, "Trust me. You can't."

"Try me." His voice was plaintive and pleading; begging her to trust him, to let him in.

She turned to face him, lifting her eyes to meet his.

Who was this man? She wondered, as she had many times before. She knew the facts; teen boybander, womanizer, successful producer but she didn't know _him_. He took great pains to make sure she never did – always keeping a wall between the two of them, always pushing her away.

"My life is over" She shrugged, "And with it my career so you won't be wanting to have anything to do with me after today."

He shook his head, "That's not possible."

Ignoring the overtones of his remark she blurted out quickly, as if the words were poison she could suddenly no longer keep in her system, "I'm pregnant."

His eyes widened.

She continued, "And I'm the world's biggest idiot. I don't remember _anything_. My parents will disown me, I'm sure and I highly doubt Darius will want a pregnant, teenage Instant Star. "

Tommy was speechless as his eyes surveyed the girl he no longer understood. She'd always been so innocent, so young. It was the very reason he'd behaved so indifferently toward her since the day they met, never allowing himself what he wanted to feel.

"Are you keeping it?" He asked.

Her head shot up, "Of course I'm keeping it! I can't kill my child!"

He raised his hands in a surrendering motion, "Right. Sorry…"

He tried to come up with reassuring words to take away her pain, to offer her hope but he didn't know what to do or say. He knew her parents and how they would react to such news. The media would rip her to shreds and not having a relationship with, or even knowing the name of the father would only make matters worse.

An idea flittered into his mind. One so crazy and unlike him he questioned his sanity and yet he found himself uttering the words.

"I'll say it's mine."

She gaped at him, "What?"

"I will," He nodded, "It's the best way to deal with this situation. You can't do this alone, Jude. I want to help."

"That's a pretty extreme way to help," She mumbled.

He shrugged and tried to smile, "I'm an extreme guy."

She shook her head, "I can't ask you to do something like that."

He tentatively put a hand on her shoulder, "You're not asking, I'm offering. I _want_ to do this Jude. I want to help you. I'll be here for you; I'll claim and treat the baby as my own. We can get through this… together."

She shook her head again; "No one would even believe it. You're with a different woman each night and the press love the fact that I've never even had a boyfriend," She looked down at her shoes.

"We can make them believe it." He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head back so she was looking into his eyes, "Maybe it's crazy but I want to do this."

"I need to think about this," She finally managed to say.

He nodded, "Call me on my cell."

She nodded in response then slung her bag over her shoulder and left the room. He didn't need to say she could have the day off. It was an unspoken offer.

---

When Jude arrived back at her parents house Sadie was storming out the front door, yelling something over her shoulder before stalking across the front lawn.

"Don't bother going in there," She muttered to Jude as she passed her, "They're psychotic _control freaks_!" She yelled the last two words loud enough for her parents to hear then got in her car and drove off.

Jude gulped then walked into the house. Her parents were discussing her sister in the kitchen, remarking over her recent behavior with her boyfriend. They glanced up at Jude disapprovingly.

She smiled nervously in greeting then quickly hurried up the stairs.

When she reached her room she threw herself down on the bed as random scary thoughts ran through her mind.

She imagined her stomach growing and the thought filled her with terror. She imagined the scornful expressions on her classmate's faces as she walked down the halls of her high school. She imagined the disapproval on her parents face. She imagined the dissolving of her contract with G-Major, the headlines that would accompany the entire debacle.

She imagined herself alone and pregnant and later alone with a newborn baby; without family, without friends, doing it all on her own.

Silently she rifled through her purse for her cell phone then dialed Tommy's number. He answered on the first ring.

"Have you changed your mind yet?" She asked.

"No," Was his simple response.

"Look, I'm giving you an out," She tried to sound confident and upbeat, "This isn't your problem or your responsibility. You don't have to do this out of pity for me. I'm tough. I'll survive on my own."

"I'm not doing this out of pity, Jude. Please believe me," He repeated what he'd said to her earlier that day, "I want to do this."

She nodded, despite the fact that he couldn't see her. Ignoring the nagging voice in the back of her mind that screamed the entire situation was crazy. That there had to be some sort of catch, that Tom Quincy didn't give a damn about her problems. Why would he?

"Ok then. I accept your offer but how do we make them believe it?"

He detailed the time and place and ran her through his plan. She agreed.

When she hung up the phone she glanced around at the room she'd spent her childhood in, littered with soft toys and the color purple. In a day her future had changed completely. She was terrified but somewhere inside her, next to the nausea and beneath the mistrust in Tommy and herself, deep down inside was the slightest glimmer of hope.

**Teasers for Chapter 2: Confrontations**

"_So far so good. What's next?" _

_He smiled, despite himself. "This" He murmured as he slowly brought his lips to hers. _

_He placed one hand on the tree, bracing himself in place as his other hand moved from the zipper of her jacket to the hem of shirt. Slowly his fingers slipped under the fabric, and ran across the smooth surface of her stomach before reached her side then tracing the same line across her back._


	2. Chapter 2: Confrontations

**Chapter 2: Confrontations**

She stared the ceiling of her car, observing the slight dimples in the upholstery and imagining herself far, far away from there.

A car pulled up alongside hers and she glanced over to see Tommy climb out of the driver's side. He spotted her and smiled encouragingly. His smile was warm but in his eyes she could see the same nervous fear that was mirrored in her own.

She took a deep calming breath before climbing out of her car and locking it behind her. She walked over to join him at the edge of the park.

"Everything arranged?" She asked.

He nodded and lightly put an arm around her waist, "They should be arriving any second. Ready to give the performance of your lifetime?"

She nodded, hoping her body didn't betray her lack of confidence and that he wouldn't notice how much her hands were shaking.

He lead her over to a large old tree and she leaned against the trunk as he stood in front of her, so close that their bodies were almost touching. He glanced around and after a moment or two, nodded, "They're here," He said quietly.

She glanced over to see a car pulling up alongside hers. Furtively a man climbed out, a camera in hand. Tommy had arranged for the Paparazzi to be tipped off regarding their presence at the park.

Jude turned back to face him. He was fiddling with the zipper on her open jacket as he lifted his eyes to meet hers. She nodded encouragingly, "So far so good. What's next?"

He smiled, despite himself. "This" He murmured as he slowly brought his lips to hers.

He placed one hand on the tree, bracing himself in place as his other hand moved from the zipper of her jacket to the hem of shirt. Slowly his fingers slipped under the fabric, and ran across the smooth surface of her stomach before reached her side then tracing the same line across her back.

Their lips met and parted in perfect synchronicity as his index finger traced soft circles on the small of her back.

His lips captured her bottom lip as he slowly pulled his mouth from hers then ran feather light kisses down to her jaw line and along till he came to the spot where it reached her neck. He kissed the curve of her neck and she tilted her head back. He continued to kiss her neck, moving up toward her ear as he whispered against her skin, "Stop me."

"Huh?" Was the only word her clouded mind was able to offer.

He said it again, "Stop me," Before placing another kiss on her neck.

Finally her mind clicked into place and she remembered the plan, the reason they were there in the park doing what they were doing.

She glanced around her, acting as if she'd only just realized they making out were in a public place, she spotted the paparazzi hiding behind a tree and her face changed to an expression of horror.

She placed a hand on Tommy's chest and pushed him away for her before whispering furtively to him of the location of the camera.

He glanced over and the expression of surprised horror on his face matched her own. He took her hand in his and quickly led her back to her car.

He squeezed her hand reassuringly before they parted ways, "No going back now." He pointed out.

She wasn't sure if she should be relieved or terrified.

---

The next morning Jude set her alarm so that she'd wake before the paper was delivered. She got out bed and wrapped a dressing gown round her thin shoulders and padded over to her desk. She started her computer, logged on to the net and checked some celebrity gossip sites.

Sure enough the pictures where there.

'Jude Harrison's Older Man' the headlines screamed while others declared, 'Instant love or Instant lust for former boybander and teen singing sensation' or 'Is Jude 'Wasting her time' with Little Tommy Q?'

Jude logged off the computer then closed the laptop screen with a loud click. Biting her lip nervously she tiptoed to her bedroom door.

The Harrison house was beginning to wake up. She could hear music playing loudly from Sadie's room and she could hear her father singing loudly and off key in the shower. Most likely Mrs. Harrison would be in the kitchen preparing a tasty breakfast. Jude felt her stomach turn at the mere thought.

Hoping no one noticed or interrupted her, Jude raced down the stairs and out the front door. She knelt down to retrieve the newspaper that had been carelessly tossed on the front law. She gulped nervously as she unwrapped it and opened the paper to the music section. There on the front page was a collection of pictures of her and Tommy kissing at the park.

She wrapped her bathrobe around herself a little tighter as a chilling breeze whipped past her.

She didn't notice Sadie appear behind her and glance over her shoulder at the newspaper. Sadie's eyes widened and she leaned over and snatched the paper from Jude's hand.

Jude spun around to face her, surprise painted across her features.

"Wow!" Sadie managed, "Look at you little sister!" She glanced up from the pictures to Jude's blushing face, admiration and envy in her eyes. She grinned, "Hey! Mom! Dad! You've got to see this" She spun around and ran into the house.

"No! Sadie! Wait!" Jude did her best to make her voice sound believable. Truly she didn't want her parents to see those pictures though the very reason the existed was for such a purpose; she needed them to believe she didn't want them seen.

She braced herself for the onslaught that was about to come.

---

It was like ripping a bandage off all at once, Jude though to herself as dialed Tommy's number. Sadie was in the kitchen showing her mother the paper. Mr. Harrison was coming down the stairs at his wife's frantic call.

"Hello?" Tommy sounded sleepy.

"It's Jude" Jude said.

"I know your voice" He responded.

"Right" She nodded, "They've um, seen the pictures"

"JUDE!" Mr. Harrison yelled from the kitchen.

"I'll be right there" Tommy responded, to prove his statement the sound of the dialtone closely followed.

Jude felt herself trembling as she hung up the phone. She couldn't believe how quickly her life was changing in one day but after some thought and discussion with Tommy she'd decided not to drag out the entire process. First the pictures, then the news.

Now it was happening she felt her self questioning her decision. It had all happened so quickly. Her only ally in the world was Tom Quincy a man – though only three four older then herself – had always been a mystery to Jude.

Why did she feel she could trust him?

"Jude Marie Harrison" Her father strode into the foyer where Jude was waiting by the door, "You better have an explanation for this!" He threw the newspaper down at Jude's feet and despite herself she jumped.

"What kind of excuse would she have for that?" Sadie laughed, "They were shooting a music video or something? Right!" She tilted her head to examine the pictures of Jude and Tommy on the floor, "I know kissing and I know acting and that…" She shook her head; a smile playing on her lips "Is not acting."

Jude glared at her sister, "Not helping!" She muttered.

Mr. Harrison advanced toward Jude, anger flashing in his eyes. For the first time in her life Jude found herself afraid of her father. Sure she'd been scared of punishments or his disproval in the past but she'd never feared that he would physically hurt her like she did now.

She opened the front door and raced down the front stairs, figuring her parents who cared so much for what other people thought, wouldn't want to make a scene in the middle of the neighborhood.

"Jude, get back in this house" Mr. Harrison hissed as he stood in the doorway staring down at her as she stood at the bottom of the stairs.

'_You'll always be looking down at me now_' Jude found herself realizing.

She shook her head in response.

His eyes darkening he strode down the stairs and grabbed her arm and began dragging her back toward the house.

Jude tried to dig her feet into the ground, to lean away from him, anything to prolong what was about to come.

His grip just tightened as anger overtook him. He wasn't a violent man but the situation was extreme and anger was coloring his reasoning.

Jude felt a wave of relief run over her as the familiar sound of Tommy's Viper filled the air. She glanced behind her to see him pull up alongside the house, instantly leaping from the car, slamming the door behind him and striding over to her and her father.

Jude tried to pull away from Mr. Harrison but his grip only tightened more.

"Dad! You're hurting me!" She cried.

Wordlessly Tommy stepped forward and pried her father's fingers from her arm. The look on Mr. Harrison's face was indescribable.

"How dare you?" He breathed, the words coming out like pure anger.

Jude glanced around to see neighbors peering out their windows. Now Tommy was there she felt braver and realized she no more wanted a scene then her parents did.

"Let's go inside" She said quietly, stepping between her father and Tommy who were eyeing one another.

Once they were inside Mrs. Harrison led them to the dining room. Though as horrified and angry as her father she tried to hold on to some semblance of calm and order.

"You have some nerve showing up here" Mr. Harrison remarked to Tommy.

Sadie took a seat at the end of the table and watched the scene playing before her gleefully.

Tommy didn't respond.

"How long have you been seeing one another?" Mrs. Harrison asked quietly.

Tommy glanced over at Jude. They hadn't discussed the time frame.

"About three months" Jude responded.

"Going behind our backs like a common slut" Mr. Harrison muttered.

"There's more" Jude said quietly as tears began to fill her eyes.

Tommy stood be her side, placing a hand on Jude's shoulder comfortingly. Mr. Harrison's eyes sparked with anger at the action.

"I'm pregnant" Jude supplied.

The room was silent. Even Sadie was truly shocked by the news.

Finally Mrs. Harrison managed, "To-?" She glanced from Jude to Tommy.

Tommy nodded, "The babies mine" He slipped an arm around her waist.

Jude glanced down at her feet, noticing how easily the lie came and wondering at the ramifications. The old adage 'Oh what a tangled web we weave. When first we practice to deceive' came to mind.

Mr. Harrison was bracing himself against the wall as if he needed the additional support to stay standing. At Tommy's words he sprung back to life. He advanced toward Jude and Tommy, Tommy quickly pushed Jude behind him.

Mr. Harrison grabbed the front of Tommy's short and shoved him back into the dining room table. She sudden force caused the table to tilt and nearly fall, as it did so the plates already set out for dinner crashed to the floor in a thunderous din.

Jude raised a hand to cover her mouth as she surveyed the scene in horror.

Tommy raised a hand to defend himself and pushed Mr. Harrison away from him.

"Get out!" Mr. Harrison screamed and Tommy walked over to Jude, taking his hand in hers. "Get out" Mr. Harrison continued to scream, "Get out of my house! I don't even want to see your face!"

"Daddy!" Jude cried, the childhood name rolling over her tongue as tears streamed down her face, "Please!"

"Get out!" He screamed again.

Tommy guided Jude from the room as the sound of her mothers muffled crying echoed behind them. Without so much as a glance back he led her from the house and out to his waiting car. She didn't say a word as the car roared to life and they drove away from her childhood home.

**Teasers for Chapter 3: Settling**

Feeling mischievous she ventured into the hallway and paused at the partially ajar door to Tommy's room. They say someone's room tells you everything you need to know about them but did she really dare invade someone's personal space?

---

He offered her the bowl of popcorn and she smiled and accepted it, "If I get scared will you hold my hand?"

He glanced at her, wondering if she was flirting or if were just a passing comment. He couldn't tell.


	3. Chapter 3: Settling

**Chapter 3: Settling**

Under any other circumstance Jude would have been curious to see Tommy's apartment. She'd never even seen the inside of his car before, let alone the place he called home.

But today she was quiet and reserved and fighting back tears as he unlocked the door and motioned for her to go inside.

"I've uh, set up the guest bedroom for you" He was nervous, "There are towels on the bed, let me know if you need any extra blankets." He'd turned his cell phone off in the car and now quickly unplugged the landline in case Darius called.

She sat down on the sofa, her face pale and her hands shaking slightly, "You knew my parents were going to kick me out?"

"I knew it was a possibility"

She glanced around her. The apartment was minimalist to an art with stark grey walls and black furniture. The flash entertainment system was silver and black and glancing into the kitchen which opened up from the living room, she could see the colors repeating.

It was cold. It didn't feel like a home.

She nodded and stood up, "I think I might go take a nap. I'm feeling really tired all of a sudden."

"Ok, let me know if you need anything" He watched as she walked to her room, her body language spoke of misery and defeat.

His own body language as he sat down on the black leather sofa, spoke of regret.

---

Jude didn't leave her room that night. Countless times Tommy paused at her door, hand raised to knock but each time thought better of it. Eventually he went to bed at 9pm; something he hadn't done on a Friday night in more then ten years.

As he lay in bed the thin walls of his apartment failed to block the quiet sobs coming from Jude's room just through the wall. As he stared at his ceiling he thought about the woman he'd dated in his life. They'd all had one factor in common – they worshipped him – a fact he'd searched for in potential dates. He liked to have a woman who adored him though she generally did so for his fame and wealth.

The woman he knew always seemed a little hard on the edges as well as emotionally. They were young – in their twenties like him yet their worlds were ruled by all the things that shouldn't matter.

He saw nothing of that in Jude. Most likely it was simply her youth and innocence that set her apart from the woman he knew. The fact remained that she wasn't yet a woman herself. Maybe time would change her too.

As he rolled on to his side and squeezed his eyes shut while trying to block out the crying, he found himself praying that wouldn't be true.

---

The next morning Jude awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. She covered her mouth with both hands and lay down again, wishing away the waves of nausea.

A few moments later she leapt from the bed and into the living room, "Where's the bathroom?" She asked quickly, a hand on her stomach and her breathing shallow.

Wordlessly Tommy pointed down the hall and Jude disappeared in a flurry of blonde hair and wild eyes.

Sighing, Tommy emptied the contents of the frying pan into the garbage then filled a glass with water.

"Jude?" He knocked on the bathroom door. The sound of retching had stopped.

"Come in" She responded quietly.

He slowly ventured into the room. Jude was kneeling in front of the toilet, one arm holding onto the railing on the wall and the other wiping her mouth. "Here" He offered her the glass of water.

She smiled weakly and accepted it, sitting back till she was leaning against the wall.

Tommy sat down on the edge of the bathtub and watched her.

"I must look like such a mess" Jude muttered. She self-consciously she ran a hand through her tangled hair and hoped there wasn't any sleep in her eyes.

"You look fine" He smiled reassuringly.

---

Tommy encouraged Jude to take the day off, knowing she wouldn't be up to much of anything musically after yesterday. The kind action didn't go unpunished for long.

Tommy was working with another artist in studio C when Darius barged in as only Darius could do, "What the hell are these?" He tossed tabloids featuring images of Jude and Tommy kissing on the soundboard in front of him.

Tommy motioned through the glass to his artist, telling him to take a break. The singer nodded and left the room. Slowly Tommy spun his chair around to face Darius.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Darius continued.

Tommy shrugged, "Oops?" He said it quietly and with the slight smirk playing on his lips. He couldn't pass up the chance to mess with Darius though he wondered in the back of his mind just how much Darius knew. He knew Jude's parents were proud and doubted they'd informed anyone of the unfortunate news.

"Oops, Tom? I should fire you for this! She's seventeen and if that weren't enough you work together! I thought even you would deal more professionally then this."

"Look, whatever, I'm sorry. There's just something about Jude…"

Darius swore under his breath and turned away, one hand to the back of his bald head, "This is going to take some major damage control Tom. I should just fire you but you're one of my best-" Unable to finish the compliment Darius shook his head.

"It goes without saying that I want you to stop seeing her"

"It does" Tommy agreed to the comment but not the request.

Darius glanced into the now empty recording booth.

"You gave Jude the day off?" He asked angrily.

"She needed it. She had a bad day yesterday" Tommy offered, realizing how weak it sounded.

"We're already two weeks behind schedule on her album. Stop babying her Tom!"

Kwest who'd entered the room as the conversation had turned to Jude's absence but missed the news regarding their dating, observed the conversation with thinly veiled interest. Tommy was a slave driver when it came to Jude and her music. If he was babying her it was certainly the first time.

Tommy nodded, "She'll be back in the studio tomorrow. I promise"

With a final warning glare Darius departed from the room. Tommy angrily spun his chair back around to face through the glass screen into the recording booth where the rock singer had just returned with a cup of coffee, "Ok, lets start from the top but sing it with some guts this time!"

The rock singer glared at Tommy as he began singing.

Tommy glanced over at Kwest who was staring at him, a slight smirk on his face, "What?" He snapped.

Kwest shrugged wordlessly.

"Whatever," Tommy muttered under his breath. He quickly scooped up the tabloids and tossed them in the trashcan before Kwest noticed the images.

---

Jude aimlessly wondered around Tommy's apartment. She'd cried herself to sleep the night before and now she just felt numb. She checked the fridge and kitchen cupboards. There was an ample supply of beer and varying other forms of alcohol but very little actual food.

"Not much of a cook I gather," She muttered to herself.

Her stomach was rumbling now the nausea had worn off and eventually settled on the only food she could find - cookies and red licorice, "Sorry baby," She murmured, looking down at her stomach then paused, realizing it was the first moment she'd thought of the baby as an actual living reality rather then a hindrance that was destroying her life.

After finishing her snack she searched for another form of entertainment. After flipping through a copy of Rolling Stone she sat back and stared at the ceiling.

Feeling mischievous she ventured into the hallway and paused at the partially ajar door to Tommy's room. They say someone's room tells you everything you need to know about them but did she really dare invade someone's personal space?

Pushing aside the warnings from her conscience Jude pushed open the door to Tommy's room and stepped inside. Breathing deeply she realized the room smelt like Tommy; a mixture of cologne and his personal scent.

She glanced around her. There was a double bed with a black duvet. What was this guy? A color Nazi? The bed was perfectly made and she smiled. Quincy wasn't just a perfectionist in the studio.

There was a walk in closet lining one wall, a full length mirror on the door. She had to stifle a giggle as she imagined Tommy rehearsing his boyband dance routines in front of the mirror. There was a large window then looked down on the apartment foyer and the gardens across the road. Then finally there was a black set of drawers. On top were a few framed photos, an alarm clock, some pens and a notepad with precisely written song lyrics and a book sized photo album.

Biting her bottom lip guiltily Jude grabbed the photo album and sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to disrupt the duvet in any way.

She flipped through the pages of the album, smiling at the pictures of Tommy as a child and young teen. There were pictures from the boyband days through to the present. In most of the pictures he was with friends or family members. There were a number of pictures of Kwest and a few of the guys from boys attack.

Jude stood up as she neared the end of the photo album, flipping through the pages slowly to absorb every last detail when she stopped dead in her tracks.

There on the second to last page was a picture of her from her sixteenth birthday. She'd worn a beautiful green dress and had her hair professionally styled. She was smiling and holding a guitar Tommy had purchased her for her birthday.

Jude frowned. She remembered that day, that moment. She remembered Kwest taking the picture so how did Tommy get it? She remembered being surprised that Tommy had bothered to give her a gift; he'd barely even shown up at her party and left fifteen minutes after his arrival. She'd figured at the time that the gift had merely been out of politeness and though she'd never gotten such an extravagant gift from anyone outside her family she'd told herself that was just because Tommy was wealthy.

So why did he have her picture and with the pictures of his closest friends and family no less?

---

**One Week Later**

Tommy was watching TV but changed approach to watching Jude as she walked out of the kitchen with a bowl of yoghurt and headed for her room.

Since her arrival she'd avoided him often. She spent most of her time in her bedroom and most of the time it was as if she'd never moved in. He knew she felt uncomfortable about the new living arrangements and uncomfortable around him.

"Jude," Her tossed the remote control down on the sofa and stood up.

She turned to face him, stirring the spoon in her yoghurt as she watched him, "Yeah?"

He paused. He hadn't really thought of anything to say, "Um, there's a movie starting soon if you want to watch it?"

He could imagine the wheels in her brain spinning as she tried to come up with an excuse but then her bedroom was small and confining and she must have been sick of living in the cramped space, "What's it about?" She finally asked as she walked over to him.

"Well, uh, lets see," He glanced at the TV guide in his hands, "Ok, it's about sheep… taking over the world. Hmmm" He frowned at the guide, "I guess I didn't read the synopsis."

Jude laughed to herself, "Sounds entertaining. I love cheesy horror films."

He smiled, "I'll make us some popcorn."

"I thought you didn't cook?" She raised an eyebrow.

"It's easy. You just pop it in the microwave, it makes a lot of noise and you've got popcorn," He wiggled his fingers, "It's magic!"

In the kitchen he had to search before finding the popcorn. Since her arrival Jude had stocked the cupboards with various food items he'd never in his life purchased. She insisted on cooking a meal every night which he didn't really mind. He'd usually eat out or order in but there was nothing like a home cooked meal. Surprisingly, Jude was actually a good cook.

When he returned a few minutes later he noticed Jude self consciously tug at her shirt, trying to pull the fabric away from her stomach as if she were trying to cover it, though she wasn't yet showing.

He offered her the bowl of popcorn and she smiled and accepted it, "If I get scared will you hold my hand?"

He glanced at her, wondering if she was flirting or if were just a passing comment. He couldn't tell.

"If you get scared of the sheep?" He asked ruefully.

She leaned toward him and he felt his breath hitch slightly at her proximity, "Just between you and me, I've always had this thing about sheep."

He felt the corners of his mouth tipping into a smile, "What thing?"

"They kind of freak me out." She whispered.

"Sheep?"

She nodded emphatically, her eyes wide.

"You're kidding?" He finally asked.

Leaning back she nodded, "Of course, Quincy" but as he glanced over at her he felt as if he was once again viewing her façade of fearless bravery.

---

Tommy tried not to laugh as he glanced down at the quivering body on the sofa next to him. She was lying her with her head next to him on the sofa, covered by a pillow. Her whole body was shaking and every couple of moments she would jump and let out a squeal as various sheep evils took place on the screen.

"I can't look!" She mumbled, burying her face in the sofa.

He gently tugged on the pillow and eventually she let it go, "They're just sheep," He reminded as he softly touched the back of her head, waiting for her to pull away but she didn't, "They're harmless."

"That sheep just disembowed an army general!" She muttered, jabbing a finger toward the screen.

He ran his hand through her hair then slid it down so that he was rubbing her back comfortingly like his mother had done for him as a little boy when he had a cold.

They sat in comfortable silence for awhile longer till a sheep hijacked a plane and tossed the pilot out the door and into the jet engine. The special effects where shoddy and the acting typical B grade horror film level but Jude let out a deafening scream as she leapt into the air and somehow landed on Tommy's lap. She buried her head in his chest, "Oh Jimbles, Oh Jimbles, Oh Jimbles." She murmured to herself quietly.

He wasn't sure what Jimbles meant but Tommy found himself thinking a similar phrase, '_Oh Crap, Oh Crap, Oh Crap_' as he held the shaking girl close and whispered to her that everything was ok.

This was exactly what he'd been avoiding since the day Jude Harrison sang her way into his life.

If not that first day – he'd soon realized that Jude Harrison was a dangerous female specimen. She was like a bewitching whirlpool that could suck you in till you lost yourself and all rational reason - completely.

And he could feel the current starting to tug at his feet.

---

**Teaser for Chapter 4: Watching**

_He shot one last glance in Jude's direction before closing the studio door. She hadn't once looked at him since arriving though he could tell she was aware of his presence and the fact that he was watching her._

_---_

_Portia frowned, "That's funny. The dress was tailored for your exact measurements" She walked over to Jude and tugged at the straps, "Now it seems to small"_

_Jude felt the blood drain from her face. _

---

A/N: It's the Christmas season so in the Spirit of giving; please leave a review!


	4. Chapter 4: Watching

A/N: Eek. I hope this isn't boring. I kind of messed up too, the scenes with Sadie were supposed to take place before the Sheep horror film (like a day after Jude moved out). Sorry about that..

**Chapter 4: Watching**

For the last number of weeks Jude had been working at the studio in the afternoon after school and spending the entire weekend at G-Major. On the Saturday she and Tommy arrived separately to placate Darius and allow him to believe they weren't seeing each other anymore. So far no one had picked up on the fact that they were living together or that Jude wasn't pregnant. Her parents obviously had no intention to be the people to break the news.

Tommy glanced up as Jude entered the foyer and smiled a greeting to the doorman. He couldn't help but watch her as she crossed the room. To him she was a visibly different girl to the girl of two months ago. Though her figure was still slim and her pregnancy in no way showed – there was less confidence in her walk, she didn't hold her head up as high and she was obviously more self conscious about her body.

He worried about that fact as he returned to Studio B. He was working with another artist that morning as Jude was meeting with Portia regarding a photo shoot for a magazine that would take place the next day. The two would be choosing outfits and whatever other things girls did at such meetings.

He shot one last glance in Jude's direction before closing the studio door. She hadn't once looked at him since arriving though he could tell she was aware of his presence and the fact that he was watching her.

---

"Hi Honey," Portia hugged Jude when she entered her office, "Feeling like playing dress up?"

"Not really…" Jude admitted as she put her hand bag on a table and slowly shrugged of her jacket.

"I was thinking we should go for a summery look," Portia continued. She expertly chose out two items from a clothing rack and held them up for Jude, "What do you think?"

"They're… nice" Jude responded slowly.

One was a low cut and backless yellow dress made of shimmering material, the kind that clung to every curve. The other was a yellow bikini top covered with a transparent mesh T-shirt with accompanying green mini skirt.

"They're a little revealing, don't you think?" Jude asked timidly.

Portia nodded, "But not too slutty. Especially with the beach setting the shoot will have. Why don't you try them on?" She held out dress.

Jude took it then stepped into the changing room. As she closed the curtain around her she felt butterflies flutter in her stomach and hoped they wouldn't turn to nausea. She slowly pulled the dress up and wished there was a mirror in the changing room.

Gulping she stepped out for Portia to see, slowly spinning around as was always instructed.

Portia frowned, "That's funny. The dress was tailored for your exact measurements" She walked over to Jude and tugged at the straps, "Now it seems to small"

Jude felt the blood drain from her face as she scrambled for an excuse, "I've been eating too much fast food lately. I really should hit the gym"

Portia shook her head, "No that's not it. You haven't really gained weight you've just changed…" She trailed off then shrugged, "Oh well, I can adjust the bosom of the dress a little and maybe loosen the fabrics on the hips a tad. It should look ok."

She walked over to her desk and scribbled some numbers on a notepad, smiling to herself she murmured, "I guess your bodies just changing as you get older. If it were anyone older I'd almost thing they were pregnant." She chuckled and though it felt hollow and forced to her ears, Jude struggled to join her.

---

Tommy watched through the glass wall of the recording booth as a studio musician flirted with Jude. She'd been about to enter to the studio when he called out to her and she'd paused to wait. He was young and handsome and Tommy could tell from her demeanor and her smile that she liked him but he could also tell that she was pulling away.

The Musician said something and from his expression and hand motions Tommy guessed it was a question. Jude shook her head sadly, put a hand on his arm in apology and mumbled some excuse before hurrying into the studio.

Tommy noticed the guy's eyes follow her and before he placed his guard back up, he also noticed the disappointment.

"You ready?" Tommy asked as he held down the intercom button and leant forward to reach the microphone.

She nodded silently and brushed away a stray tear before anyone could notice it, but someone did.

---

When Tommy arrived home from work that day he found Sadie waiting in the foyer of his lobby.

He didn't really know the older Harrison sister that well. He'd recognized her as the gorgeous groupie type, the ones that were like kryptonite; luring you in with their gorgeous looks and absolute adoration of you but when you approached them they start screaming till you were deaf, leaping around and tearing at your clothes like a crazed animal while calling to her friends, "I got Little Tommy Q's shirt!"

She stood up as she saw him enter the foyer, "Hi" She said shyly.

He nodded in greeting.

"I was wondering if you might know where Jude is. She hasn't been answering her phone."

He nodded, "She's upstairs."

Sadie's eyes widened in disbelief, "She's staying with you?" Her face distorted with jealousy momentarily before she got it under control.

He nodded, noticing for the first time the suitcase she had at her feet, "I brought some of her stuff" Sadie explained, "I thought she might need it."

He smiled, finally warming to her slightly. Jude had of course arrived at his place in a pair of pajamas and a bathrobe. He'd loaned her a T-shirt and a pair of his running pants which were both far too big and dwarfed her small frame. He'd been reminded once again how young she was as she padded around the apartment like a child playing dress up in her father's clothes.

On his way home from work he'd brought her some clothes – nothing flash or pretty but enough for her to be able to go out of the house and buy her own clothes without drawing negative attention (not to mention Paparazzi) for her attire.

She'd smiled when she received the clothes and they'd both been surprised by the fact that he'd guessed her size perfectly.

"Come on up. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." He said to the blonde standing in front of him and smiling at him adoringly.

---

Sadie and Jude were alone in Jude's room as they unpacked the bag of clothes Sadie had brought.

"My favorite jeans," Jude smiled, "Thanks Sades."

Sadie nodded. She was holding a woolen sweatshirt of Jude's and picking aimlessly at the fuzz on it.

Jude sighed, "Just say it."

"You're the luckiest girl on earth." Sadie said quickly.

Jude frowned, that wasn't the comment she'd anticipated "I'm Seventeen and pregnant, my parents have kicked me out and I'm about to lose my job. How am I lucky?"

"Because you're having Little Tommy Q's baby! Duh!" Sadie rolled her eyes, "And you're living with him! I swear I've never been more jealous of you"

"Wow" Was Jude's only response. '_And I've never felt more alone'_ She thought to herself.

After Sadie left Jude retreated into her room as she had the first night she arrived. Tommy sat at the sofa, aimlessly flipping through channels and glancing at her door regularly. He wondered how much sadness one person could take and wondered if Jude was strong enough to face what was ahead.

---

The next day Jude glanced at herself in the mirror one final time, slowly spinning to survey herself from all angles. She flattened the material of her dress to her stomach then stood side on; there wasn't any bulge or baby bump – yet.

She sighed and stepped out of the trailer and onto the burning hot sand. She winced and hopped about before the photographer called her to location. A towel had been set up on the beach and the first stage of the photo shoot was to take place there. Feeling nervous as she always did in such situations, Jude obediently got into position as the photographer instructed and stared piercingly at the camera.

She leaned back on the towel, propping herself up on her elbows and let her long hair fall down behind her, brushing the surface of the towel as the sunlight caught it and almost made it sparkle.

Behind her and out of her range of vision, Tommy was seated on a deck chair beside Darius. He wasn't exactly sure how he'd ended up on location for the photo shoot. It had started with Darius' determination to attend the shoot and get a few pictures of himself with G-Major's golden girl for the spread. He'd also wanted to discuss business so Tommy was dragged along.

He listened as Darius babbled on about strategies and medleys, Public Relations and various other boring topics that were hard to focus on when one was at a beautiful beach and watching a beautiful girl.

Jude repositioned so she was kneeling on the towel with her arms folded across her chest. She smiled smugly at the camera then laughed at her self, the photographer quickly snapped the shot.

An instruction was called and Jude stood up on the towel and shaded her eyes with one hand. Another instruction was called and obeying, she turned to face behind her. She saw Tommy for the first time and their eyes met momentarily.

"Perfect!" The photographer called out, "Great expression!"

She hadn't even realized she'd been posing, just reacting.

Tommy frowned and leaned back in his chair, chewing slightly on the inside of his cheek as he watched her turn away. She looked so grown up, so glamorous in the dress though he found himself frowning as to how revealing it was.

"What's with this dress?" He asked Darius, interrupting whatever sentence Darius was midway through.

"Jude's dress?" Darius asked.

Tommy nodded.

"What about it?"

"It's a bit revealing don't you think?" Tommy had to squint as he faced Darius as the light was behind him.

"She's not a little girl."

"But she's not an adult either." Tommy pointed out.

Darius frowned.

"Forget it," Tommy leaned back in his chair again, "I just think there's something cheapening about this."

"She looks beautiful Tom." Darius pointed out.

"She does." Tommy agreed.

Darius shook his head and glanced away. He paused a moment then continued with his previous topic of discussion.

On the towel Jude glanced over her shoulder at Tommy self consciously, the backless dress left her feeling naked somehow and the way Tommy was looking at her only added to her discomfit.

"Smile, Jude" The photographer called.

She turned back to him, a dazzling smile plastered on her face that almost reached her eyes… almost.

---

**Teasers for Chapter 5: Secrets**

_It was almost as if her feelings had lingered in that room waiting for her and as she stepped inside they enveloped her once again. For the last week she'd been pushing away all thoughts regarding her baby. Her whole focus had remained on recording her album, making sure no one found out any of her daily multiplying secrets and adjusting to living with her (as she now realized) often moody producer._ _He nodded, "I come here quite often."_

_Jude noticed the bar and pointed at it, "With your guy pals to hit on hot chicks?" She asked with one slightly raised eyebrow._

_He laughed, "Yeah, something like that."_


	5. Chapter 5: Secrets

**Chapter 5: Secrets**

"Lets try that again but this time try slowing down the pace," Tommy said through the intercom.

Jude gaped at him. They'd arrived at G-Major five hours earlier. That morning they'd been like ships passing in the night – inhabiting the same space but not speaking. Jude had wondered if she'd done anything to upset Tommy who seemed to be in a rather foul mood.

"Can't we take a break for lunch?" She asked, "It's 1pm and I haven't eaten anything today" She eyed Tommy pointedly trying to communicate 'I was barfing for quarter of an hour this morning, remember?' with her expression.

Tommy sighed, an angry frown darkening his features, "No, I want to get this right." He barked.

Jude glared at him before correcting her headphones and silently waiting for him to restart the music. She sang the lyrics slower as he'd requested but they were now laced with anger. She felt the anger boiling up inside her, reaching exploding point. A few moments later she wrenched off the headphone and slammed them down on the stand.

"Where are you going?" Tommy called as she stalked toward the studio door.

"To the bathroom! Is that ok with you?" She snapped without so much as a backward glance.

He slammed a fist down on the intercom button before spinning his chair away from the glass screen. Jude wove through the people gathered in the foyer and quickly made her way to the bathrooms. She avoided the bathroom where she'd discovered she was pregnant but after a quick scan found it was the only one available. Feeling a chill run over her she slowly stepped into the small space.

It was almost as if her feelings had lingered in that room waiting for her and as she stepped inside they enveloped her once again. For the last week she'd been pushing away all thoughts regarding her baby. Her whole focus had remained on recording her album, making sure no one found out any of her daily multiplying secrets and adjusting to living with her (as she now realized) often moody producer.

She braced herself against the basin and gazed at herself in the mirror. Tears welled up in her eyes and slowly spilled over her lashes to trace a shiny path down her cheeks. She bit her lip and cursed the mascara that was about to run and cause a headache of fixing up before she left the room. She cursed tear ducts, tears, alcohol, parties and stupid mistakes as she slowly slid down till she was kneeling on the floor, her forehead leaning against the cool porcelain of the basin.

'What am I going to do?' She whispered to herself as she pulled her knees up against her chest. She'd tried not to think about the future but she knew she couldn't continue like that. Glancing down at her stomach she realized it wasn't too late to change her mind and have an abortion.

Abortion. She'd always been so against the procedure, thinking it barbaric and horrific. She was nearly 8 weeks along in her pregnancy. She remembered reading a novel once that listed facts about baby fetuses. At eight weeks the baby would be 1 and eight inches long with every organ present, its taste buds would even be beginning to form. In a couple more weeks it would have fingernails…

She wondered if maybe she could have an abortion just this once and then forget about it. She'd be an extra good parent for any other child she might have, she'd just have them when it was convenient. What kind of mother could she be to a child now? Weren't you supposed to have your life all sorted out before you created another one?

She closed her eyes and imagined the procedure; what it would involve for her and the baby. She remembered descriptions of the small fetus being cut up and sucked out of the womb. Would it feel it? Sure, it was so small and pro-abortionists always insisted it was just a piece of flesh the same as any other part of your body.

She frowned. She'd feel it if someone cut of her finger or sliced out her liver. She'd feel it if someone cut out her baby; not just physically but emotionally and she knew she'd never stop feeling it. She'd never be able to push it into the recesses of her mind and forget. That small, helpless fetus would haunt her for the rest of her life.

No, she couldn't do it. Regardless of how it would simplify things and make her life the perfect she'd never realized it had been.

She _couldn't_ do it.

---

Tommy glanced up from his notepad when Jude returned to the studio. She didn't look at him as she entered and kept her head down as she stood in front of the microphone and put her headphones back on. She lifted her chin slightly to adjust the headphones and he noticed the tell tale smudge of mascara around her eyes, the red spots on her cheeks.

"You ok, girl?" He asked, instantly regretting his anger earlier.

"Fine," She responded, "Should we continue with the song?"

He glanced down at his watch and shook his head, "No, let's break for lunch." He stood up and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair then glanced through the glass screen at her. She had taken her headphones off and was trudging toward the door, her eyes on her feet. Her picked up his pace and met her at the door, "Have lunch with me?" He asked, "My shout."

She glanced up at him and their eyes met for a small searching moment, "I don't think that's a good idea" She said with a slight shake of her head.

"Why not?"

"Darius for one," She leant her head in the direction of his office.

"We're allowed to get lunch together. For all he knows we're discussing a song or the album. Come on, it's fine."

Without looking at him she nodded slightly, "I guess…"

Taking that as a definitive yes he smiled and motioned in the direction of the car park. He'd be sweet and encouraging at lunch and maybe that would make up for his ogre-like performance earlier. He'd found quickly that he really didn't enjoy this guilt thing.

---

Jude ordered a light salad at lunch and Tommy looked concerned, "You didn't eat breakfast. Don't you think you should eat a bit more?"

She shook her head, "I haven't been feeling that great today. I'm still a little nauseous and I don't want to tempt fate, so to speak" She forced a smile.

He frowned, "You normally feel fine by this time of day"

She nodded, "I really hope this morning sickness doesn't actually get worse before it gets better. I don't know how much more of this I can take."

He didn't answer, not sure of what to say. He wished, as many men before him had, that there were some way for him to take on some of the burden, but then those men where the fathers with shared responsibility and investment in the child.

"This is a nice Restaurant" Jude observed as she glanced around her.

He nodded, "I come here often."

Jude noticed the bar and pointed at it, "With your guy pals to hit on hot chicks?" She asked with one slightly raised eyebrow.

He laughed, "Yeah, something like that."

She frowned and crossed her arms on the table then rested her chin on her arm. She looked up at him from that position, resembling a young child waiting impatiently for her meal, "How often do you go out with them?"

"Every Friday and Saturday" He responded, "and some days during the week if I don't have to be at work too early."

"You haven't been out in the evenings since I moved in." She realized

"Yeah" He absentmindedly stirred his straw in his glass of diet coke.

"I don't want you to do that" She said quietly.

He stopped stirring, "This?" He asked pointing at the straw.

She laughed, "Yes, of course that! I mean it's _so_ irritating!" She rolled her eyes, "I mean going out with your friends. I don't want you to stop. Your life shouldn't be any different to what it was just because you're trying to help me out. You shouldn't have to suffer"

"It's not suffering."

"Uh-huh. You're a 21-year-old guy. Right" She rolled her eyes again then said seriously, "Honestly, go out with your friends. Don't worry about me. Besides, they might start getting suspicious."

He nodded, "Ok, I will then."

She smiled happily and sat up more alertly as the waitress delivered her salad. He watched as she hungrily ate the small meal and wished it didn't all have to be so hard.

They ate in silence for the next ten or so minutes until Jude noticed a man with a camera outside the Restaurant window, "Oh crap" She mumbled, quickly swallowing her mouthful of lettuce, "Tom. It's the Paparazzi"

He glanced over the Paparazzo and shot him a glare, "Just ignore him" He said as he returned to his meal, "We're not doing anything wrong," but as he said it he dreaded the backlash that would come from Darius – despite his previous confident assurances he knew his boss would be angry.

Jude returned to her meal but ate slower. She glanced at the window self-consciously every few minutes and worry lines creased her forehead.

"Hey," Tommy whispered to her. She glanced up and their eyes met for a moment, "Its ok," he whispered. He leaned across the table and placed his hand over hers, squeezing it reassuringly before pulling back. The comforting gesture had been so brief the paparazzi had failed to capture it but it made all the difference for Jude.

---

Later that night, Tommy was watching some inane sitcom on television. A moment's observation and Jude soon realized he was the type who laughed inwardly (or smirked) at something they found entertaining.

Smiling to her self she went into the kitchen to do the dinner dishes. She was grateful to her mother for teaching her how to cook. Being able to cook meals that Tommy obviously enjoyed and help around the apartment made her feel somewhat useful and that she was somewhat repaying Tommy for his generosity. She'd always been independent, never one to ask for help or accept it without attempting to in some way repay the favor.

She scrubbed at the plates, scratching off dried pasta and rinsing cups as her mind wandered to childhood memories and happier days. She remembered how happy and supporting her parents had been when she and Sadie were children. They fully encouraged the cliché of 'You can be anything you want to be' (Though, apparently that didn't include a teenage mother).

Somewhere along the way; when she and Sadie had hit their teen years their parents had become more protective, paranoid and smothering. Her father had scared away many of Sadie's boyfriends and though she hadn't really realized it at the time, this had discouraged Jude from pursuing romantic relationships of her own. Mr. Harrison loved his daughters; he just didn't want them to grow up.

She'd unconsciously stopped what she was doing and slowly ran her hands through the soapy dishwater, cupping the soap suds in her hands then dropping them back into the water.

"I never realized dishes could be so mesmerizing," Tommy's voice was so close she nearly jumped. She turned to find him leaning over her shoulder and watching the sink water, "Care to share the secret?"

She laughed, "I was just daydreaming," She paused, then surprising herself she decided to share a childhood memory, "I used to help my mothers with the dishes when I first started school. She'd pull a chair up by the sink, hand me a brush and leave me to it. She'd come back twenty minutes later to find me with hands shriveled up like prunes, 'washing the bubbles' as she called it. I never once touched the dishes, I just got lost in the bubbles…" She smiled sadly as she turned back to the dishwater.

Tommy grabbed a dishtowel, secretly happy that she'd shared something with him, "This sink hasn't seen a lot of action, "He informed her as he began to dry a plate, "Generally any food I eat in this house comes already cooked and in disposable boxes or cartons. I guess now we actually have dishes we should get a dishwasher?"

He'd said 'we' without really thinking about it but they both noticed once the word was out. Jude shook her head uncomfortably, "It's ok. I like doing a little housework. It gives me time to think" She released the plug and watched as the water swirled done the drain, for a moment she was lost in her reverie again before she wiped her hands on her jeans and turned to leave, "I think I might get an early night." She explained with a polite smile.

Tommy nodded and inwardly kicked himself as he watched her depart. She'd closed herself off to him once again.

**Teasers for Chapter 6: Doctors**

_It surprised her, though she never mentioned it, that he so accurately guessed when to give her space and when to be there for her with a simple gesture._

_----_

_Tommy surprised her when he didn't depart quietly as he normally did each morning. Instead he paused in the hallway, "Have you been to a see a Doctor yet?" He asked._

_Her stomach dropped. Another one of those problems she'd been trying to run away from was pursuing her. She shook her head mutely._

_----_

_She cried silently, determined that Tommy wouldn't hear the sound or guess her feelings. She couldn't rely on him for everything, she told herself over and over. It was enough that he'd given her a place to stay and a friendly face when she had virtually none. It was too much for her to ask for him to be her crying shoulder as well. _


	6. Chapter 6: Doctors

**Chapter 6: Doctors**

Jude left the bathroom after her morning bout of morning sickness to find Tommy waiting for her in the hallway with a glass of water. Over the last couple of weeks they'd developed a number of routines around her morning sickness. Some days he would bring her water or a moist towel – either delivering it to her in the bathroom or waiting till she'd fixed herself up and exited. Other days he would act as if nothing were happening and go about his business, ignoring the sounds from the bathroom.

To others the latter might sound rude or uncaring but those were generally the days when Jude wanted to be left alone; to be independent and not a burden. They were the days when she secretly resented Tommy's presence and assistance and wished she'd never accepted his help.

It surprised her, though she never mentioned it, that he so accurately guessed when to give her space and when to be there for her with a simple gesture.

Smiling at him she accepted the glass before self-consciously brushing a hand through her hair. She hated the fact that the nausea came about the moment she opened her eyes in the morning. There wasn't any slow period of dozing in bed before the sickness and certainly no time to get up, run a comb through her hair and put on a bathrobe.

Tommy would always be there when her hair was a mess and any make-up she hadn't successfully removed the previous night was smudged on her face. She didn't care, she told herself, if he saw her looking gorgeous or at her worst. It wasn't as if she had a crush on the guy anymore, that feeling had died a strangled death brought about by professional coldness, about a week after she met him. But it was still strange, a guy who was practically her boss, seeing her in her 'hello kitty' pajamas with hair that appeared to have developed into some alien life form overnight.

Tommy surprised her when he didn't depart quietly as he normally did each morning. Instead he paused in the hallway, "Have you been to a see a Doctor yet?" He asked.

Her stomach dropped. Another one of those problems she'd been trying to run away from was pursuing her. She shook her head mutely.

"Don't you think you should?" He asked gently.

She bit her bottom lip, staring down into the transparent plainness of the water in her glass, "I guess…"

"Jude," His tone held a slight sternness, like a teacher about to give a lecture or a reproachful parent that realized their kid was up to some form of mischief, "I really think you should."

She glanced over her shoulder, as if looking at something behind her, simply to hide the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. She couldn't bear to have him see her cry.

"I could make an appointment for you?" He asked tentatively. She nodded mutely, still looking away and getting the message he turned to depart.

When he was gone she darted into her room and softly closed the door behind her. She placed the glass on her nightstand a little too harshly and the water sloshed over the sides. As she slowly sat on the bed as the tears spilled over and the panic began to rise in her chest like floodwater climbing to reach the top of a dam wall.

She cried silently, determined that Tommy wouldn't hear the sound or guess her feelings. She couldn't rely on him for everything, she told herself over and over. It was enough that he'd given her a place to stay and a friendly face when she had virtually none. It was too much for her to ask for him to be her crying shoulder as well.

---

Jude folded her hands in her lap nervously as she sat in the clinic waiting room. Tommy was seated next to her, calmly flipping through a magazine, occasionally glancing over at her.

She shifted in her seat, crossed one leg over the other then resumed sitting normally a moment later. She ran a hand through her hair, before lacing her fingers together and placing her hands on her lap. Seconds later she unlaced the fingers and drummed them against her knees.

Smiling slightly and not taking his eyes off the magazine, Tommy reached over and put a hand over hers, stilling their nervous action, "Just breath, girl," He said quietly as he turned the page of his magazine.

Jude sighed, leaning her head back against the cold white wall of the waiting room. Why were hospitals always so stark and bright? Why did they always shun color? A little color would really help her now, a little distraction; something to focus on. She glanced around, searching for that something. Eventually she found it, sitting right next to her.

"You don't have to be here, you know," She informed Tommy.

He nodded, absentmindedly, pretending to be engrossed in what he was reading.

"You can leave," She continued, "I appreciate you dropping me off but I can walk home. It's only a few blocks. You don't need to be here."

"Uh-huh," He mumbled. He stabbed a finger at the magazine page, "Did you know Oprah was fifty?" He asked. He shook his head, "She really doesn't look _that_ old."

Jude rolled her eyes, "Fifty _isn't_ that old."

Tommy shrugged and turned the page, a large color picture of the two of them kissing at the park stared back at him. Jude glanced over, noticing the image at the same moment he did. She'd been in another world that day. So lost in her worries and confusion she hadn't really realized what had happened between them till she later that night. The kiss had been… intense, and now as she next to Tommy, so close their legs were touching, she felt her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Tommy raised an eyebrow as he stared at the picture then turned to grin at her. The grin faded when he noticed the tell-tale embarrassment on her face. Not meeting his eyes she glanced away.

He returned to the magazine, flipping through page after page. The images blurred into shapes and colors and the text leapt around like ants running across the page. He continued through the entire magazine, not noticing or taking anything in, his thoughts on the girl next to him. He wished he could crawl inside her mind, just for a moment, just to know for one second what she was really thinking.

"Jude Harrison?" A nurse called.

"Damn," Jude muttered, she kept her head down and her hair fell around her face like a protective, sheltering wall, "We should have given a fake name."

Tommy glanced around. The room was full of middle-aged to elderly people with colds and various other minor ailments. It was the middle of the day and the absence of children and teenagers could be put down to school. "I don't think anyone here has any idea who you are," He pointed out.

She moved forward in her chair, about to stand, then paused, "I don't want to do this," She murmured nervously.

He placed the magazine back in place on the coffee table in front of him and turned to her. He leaned forward, ducking his head so he could look up at her and see through her sheltering layers of hair, "It's a simple appointment," He pointed out, "It's not look root canal or anything."

She snorted derisively then let out a small, soft sound, like a child about to leap into a freezing swimming pool on a winter's day, or a kid about to pop a balloon with a pin and dreading the inevitable explosion. In one quick fluid motion, before she could change her mind, she stood. "You don't have to wait for me," She said again before making her way through the sea of sick to the waiting nurse.

Tommy watched her depart. He noticed the nervous smile she gave the nurse when she reached her, the way she glanced down at a woman sitting in a waiting chair a few feet from her, a baby in a pram next to her. Most of all, he noticed the way she didn't once look back at him.

He raked a hand through his perfectly styled hair then reached for another magazine. Settling back in his chair he prepared to wait.

---

Jude was glad the Doctor was a woman. It wasn't as if the checkup involved any invasive or embarrassing procedures but somehow the process seemed easier with a member of the same sex.

Dr. Armstrong glanced at Jude's file then back at Jude. Jude's guess was she'd noticed her age on the file. The Doctor's forehead furrowed as she read through the rest of the details.

"So you're certain you're pregnant?" She finally asked.

Jude nodded, "I took three pregnancy tests and I've been suffering from morning sickness for nearly a month now."

"Every day?" Dr. Armstrong asked. Her tone was clipped and professional. Her eyes took in Jude without really seeing her, or more accurately – without even trying.

Jude nodded, "Unfortunately."

The Doctor nodded, placing the clipboard down on her desk. She turned back to Jude, "Well we could take a urine test to confirm your pregnancy but considering the number of tests you've taken and the morning sickness, it's pretty apparent you are in fact pregnant."

Jude nodded mutely.

"Do you have any idea how far along you are?"

Jude silently resented the question. She wasn't some tramp the woman was assuming her to be. There was only one possible date, one possible answer. "Two months." She said quietly.

Dr. Armstrong nodded, she turned to her computer and typed in a few things, "Well, at this point there's not really much to be done. You know not to drink while you're pregnant right?" She didn't wait for Jude to answer, the question mostly hypothetical, "I'm sure you've spoken with your mother. It always helps to get advice from someone close to you who's been there before."

"Actually, my parents kicked me out. They're not speaking to me." Jude replied, hoping for some form of compassion.

Dr. Armstrong continued, almost as if she hadn't heard Jude's remark but the slight flicker in her eyes and softening of her body language showed she had, "Make sure to eat right, take vitamins and be that little bit more careful physically; don't take up extreme sports at this point."

Jude smiled, "I don't think I'll be taking that up at any point."

Dr. Armstrong nodded slightly as she turned back to Jude, "We can schedule an Ultra Sound. At this point there won't be much to see, I'd recommend waiting a month or two."

Jude nodded.

"So everything's ok?" Jude asked.

The Doctor smiled, this time it was genuine, "Absolutely. The pregnancy takes care of yourself. You don't really need to worry. Women have been having babies for thousands of years before modern technology. Should something come up and you're concerned, feel free to contact me." There was genuine warmth in her voice.

"Thank-you," Jude stood. She paused at the door, before departing, "Can you… could you say when I'll start showing?" She finally asked softly.

Dr. Armstrong thought for a moment, "It varies considerably. I've known some woman who don't really show at seven to eight months. Considering your build and height my guess would be between four and five months along."

Jude stayed after that to ask her a few more questions. The information she received both reassured and terrified her, reminding her more and more of the reality ahead of her.

---

Tommy was the picture of boredom when Jude re entered the waiting room after her check-up. She was surprised to see him still present but he didn't notice.

He didn't notice her return or reaction due to the boisterous elderly woman sitting next to him, chatting away happily. She was holding up a pocket book sized photo album, "And this is my great grand-daughter Nancy," She was saying, "Such a lovely girl. She's very pretty isn't she?" She looked at Tommy, waiting for a confirming response.

"Very pretty," He responded politely.

The Grandmother nodded happily as she turned back to her photo, "Yes, she's a lovely young girl. You'd like her." She glanced at Tommy pointedly.

He smiled, his eyes darting around the room in search of escape. His gaze found Jude and his eyes lit up, "Oh, I'm sorry," He said to the Grandmother, a true tone of regret in his voice, "My girlfriend is finished with her check-up," He motioned vaguely in Jude's direction

The old woman glanced over at Jude, a slight frown on her face as her dreams of Nancy's wedding to Tommy shattered around her, "Oh, Well you have a nice day," She smiled at Tommy as he stood up and shrugged on his jacket.

"You too," He smiled, "It was nice to meet you."

His eyes were wide when he met Jude at the exit to the parking lot. She was laughing softly to herself, "Little Tommy Q makes the Granny's go crazy too, huh?" She questioned a playful sparkle in her eyes.

He rolled his eyes in response, catching the door that she'd held open for him as she exited. "Someone's in a better mood," He observed as he followed her across the parking lot, "It went ok then?"

Jude nodded as the cool afternoon breeze caught her hair and blew it around her face. She absentmindedly brushed a few strands back, "I'm going to come back in a few months for an Ultra Sound."

"So you don't know the babies sex yet?"

She shook her head, "You have to wait till at least four months to learn that clearly."

"Do you want to know?" Tommy asked as he fished for his keys in his pocket then pressed the button to unlock the car. There was a metallic beep and the taillights flashed in front of them as they neared the car, "Or do you want it to be a surprise?"

"I don't know," Jude nibbled her lip slightly as she opened the passenger door, "I hadn't really thought about it."

"I think I'd want to know," Tommy remarked as he slid into the Drivers seat.

"If you were a pregnant woman, you mean?" Jude slipped on her seatbelt, a bemused expression on her face as she conjured up the image of a pregnant Tommy.

His expression was pained as if he knew what she was imagining, "Yeah," He laughed, "If I was a 'pregnant woman.'" He shook his head as he started the car, "I think makes it more real, you know? Easier to relate to and prepare for." He put a hand on the back of Jude's chair as he braced his body to glance behind the car, before backing up. He drove out of the car park and eased out into the suburban streets.

"I guess it would." Jude responded as she gazed at the scenery whirring past her window. It was just another decision of many that needed to be made.

She'd realized during her discussion with Dr. Armstrong that there was another option she'd never really thought of over the last couple of months.

She could give the baby up for adoption.

**Teasers for Chapter 7: Subtlety?**

"_Hold it, Man" Kwest's hand shot out and grabbed Tommy's shoulder. He pushed Tommy back down into his chair, "I don't think you want to do that." He motioned out the window and Tommy for the first time noticed the trap he'd almost walked into._

**Have your Say**  
I'd love to know what you guys would like Jude to decide in regards to the adoption issue.  
I'm also undecided about the babies sex; boy or girl? I'm willing to leave that particular decision completely up to you guys. So please place your vote in your reviews.

**Reviews  
**Please leave detailed comments. I do honestly appreciate any and every comment I get but it's especially helpful when you guys mention a scene you especially liked or a line that made me smile. Please let me know how you reacted to the chapter so I know which bits I did right and which bits I could have done better. Thanks!


	7. Chapter 7: Subtlety

**Chapter 7: Subtlety**

Tommy and Jude were recording in Studio B. It had been a quiet and rather uneventful day. They hadn't talked much that morning but it wasn't laced with moodiness or awkwardness as in some previous days. They'd simply reached a point where they were comfortable with the silence and not feeling the constant need to fill it with pointless words.

Tommy had sliced up some apples for Jude – apples being the only food she could get away with eating in the mornings and even then, only on good days. He'd made Toast for himself and the two sat at the kitchen table eating in silence.

Jude had scribbled notes on a notepad and Tommy had glanced over with curiosity once or twice. Though she'd noticed, Jude hadn't offered to fill him in. He'd eventually assumed she was preparing a song and he'd hear it at work that afternoon.

Jude had made some decisions the night before. The first had been that school wasn't working. She didn't want to be a high school drop out, however, especially for the reasons of a teen pregnancy. Instead she'd decided to hire a tutor and complete the remainder of her senior year by Correspondence. If she crammed she could finish a few months before the baby was born but it would mean a lot of extra work.

She'd become so self conscious at school and had withdrawn from the other students. She knew the cruelty, gossip and looks she would receive when her pregnancy became public and had simply decided to bypass the entire process.

Jude took her headphones off, midway through a song and sat down on a stool.

"You ok, girl?" Tommy asked as he placed a tentative finger on the microphone button. He tried to keep his actions borderline impassive as he was aware of Kwest seated next to him and observing anything that went on between Tommy and Jude with the same curious amusement that he normally did.

Kwest's observation levels had only increased since the tabloid images of Jude and Tommy at the park came out. It frustrated him to no end that Tommy refused to talk about anything involving their relationship.

"I'm fine," Jude placed a hand on her forehead; her eyes closed tightly, "I think I'm just coming down with a cold or something." She shrugged but the effort was obviously straining as she stopped moving mid-shrug and stayed very still, hoping the waves of nausea that were overtaking her would dissipate.

"Are you sure?"

She suddenly leapt to her feet and raced for the studio door, a hand to her mouth.

Tommy was about to follow suit as he leapt to his feet, nearly knocking over his chair in the process.

"Hold it, Man," Kwest's hand shot out and grabbed Tommy's shoulder. He pushed Tommy back down into his chair, "I don't think you want to do that." He motioned out the window and Tommy for the first time noticed the trap he'd almost walked into.

Darius had been standing at the door of his office, signing for a package that had just been delivered. As Jude had raced from the room he'd watched curiously. At that moment he glanced into the studio and his eyes met Tommy's. Tommy shrugged in response to the question those eyes wordlessly asked.

Having noticed her sister's hasty race through the building, Sadie left her spot at the reception desk and raced toward the bathroom's where Jude had disappeared a moment earlier. It was amusing to watch; she tried to act natural as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on – her walk was a mix between a run and what she hoped was a casual gate. Every few seconds she would speed up, then as if she had to remind herself to do it she would slow down again, tossing casual smiles at passerby's and waving at Darius as she passed him.

"I may not know what's going on but Darius has been watching you like a hawk since the whole thing with Jude," Kwest was speaking and Tommy had to force himself to focus on the words his friend was saying, "and I know _that_ is a mess you don't want to get yourself into." Kwest motioned vaguely in the direction Jude and Sadie had gone and to the spot where Darius stood, an angry frown still on his face.

'_You have no idea_' Tommy actually found himself smiling as the thought flittered through his mind, '_Just how 'in' that mess I already am_'

---

"Jude, Honey?" Sadie tapped lightly on the door of the bathroom Jude had entered. It swung open at her touch. Jude obviously hadn't had the time to close it properly.

Jude was leaning over the toilet, on arm lying across the seat and holding her up, "My body hates me," She murmured.

Sadie gently closed the door behind her then clicked the lock into place. She walked over to her little sister and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She couldn't think of anything to say so she just stood there in silence.

A moment later Jude's body began to shake as she threw up a second time. Sadie held her hair back from her face, and stroked her back.

"My life is ridiculous," Jude murmured when she had stopped heaving. She pulled away from the toilet seat, knowing the nausea had passed and wouldn't return again that day.

"I hear Saltine crackers are good for morning sickness," Sadie offered, "And they say you should drink a lot of water."

Jude shook her head, a slight smile playing on her lips. "You are just full of the most random facts. You know that?" She flushed the toilet then walked over to the sink, splashed her face with cold water then dried it with a towel.

"I looked it up on the Internet last night," Sadie explained, "I printed out a few things about pregnancy that I thought you might find helpful. I've got them in my bag."

Jude turned to face her, a tear running down her newly dried face. "Oh Sades," She walked over and hugged her.

Surprised, Sadie patted Jude's shoulder uncomfortably before fully returning the hug and wrapping her arms around her baby sister in a tight squeeze, "It's going to be ok, you know," She whispered, "You're going to be ok."

---

Jude left G-Major early that day. After returning from the bathroom she'd tried her best to put down a new track but her heart wasn't in it. Tommy eventually gave her the afternoon off.

He was leaving himself a few hours later when Kwest caught up with him in the lobby, "Hey, you want to go out tonight?"

"I don't know, man. I don't really feel like it," Tommy responded, his mind on Jude.

Kwest raised an eyebrow, "_You_ don't feel like going to club? Tom Quincy would rather spend the night at home?" He shook his head, "You've been acting really strange lately. You haven't been out in weeks."

Tommy shrugged, "Maybe I'm growing out of it."

Kwest laughed, "Sure, like that's going to happen."

Though Tommy resented the laughter he didn't let it show. His mind flittered back to his and Jude's conversation when she'd encouraged him to go out with his friends. She'd been right about them getting suspicious.

"Whatever, I'll come," He finally declared, "I'll meet you at Tric' in an hour?" He wanted to shower and change his clothes first, as well as having a quick dinner beforehand. Checking that Jude was ok was also high on his list.

Sadie waved him over to her desk. She glanced at Kwest's departing form and when she was sure he was out of earshot she handed Tommy a large folder, "Jude forgot this. It's some things I printed out from the net last night for her about…" She paused, glancing around her, "You know."

He nodded, accepting the envelope, "Thanks Sadie."

Dusk was falling as he walked out of G-Major and located his Viper in the parking lot. The evening air was chilly and he was grateful for the additional warmth of his leather jacket. He tossed the envelope onto the passenger seat and climbed inside.

---

Jude was in her room when Tommy arrived back at the apartment. He could hear her singing softly, occasionally stopping and adjusting the key she was singing on or altering a chord she was strumming on her guitar. Knowing her writing process and how moody she could get when interrupted, he decided to get ready and check in on her before leaving.

He showered then wrapping the towel around his waist he shaved in front of the mirror. Staring into the condensation stained glass he examined his reflection, wondering if it were just his imagination or if his appearance had changed. He seemed more relaxed somehow, almost happier.

He left the bathroom, pausing to close the door quietly so as not to disturb Jude. It was at that moment that he realized the sound of her singing had stopped. He turned away from the bathroom to come face to face with Jude who was returning from the kitchen with a glass of water. She blushed when she saw him standing there in his towel.

"Oh, you're back from G-Major," She observed, looking anywhere but at him.

He couldn't suppress the smirk that had fixed itself on his face at her obvious embarrassment, "I am," he nodded. "How are you feeling?"

She nodded and coughed nervously, "Fine, I'm fine." Her eyes were fixed on the floor.

He wanted badly to call her on her embarrassment, to offer some teasing remark or flirtation; something that would have her blushing even more but he didn't dare. He was constantly walking on eggshells around Jude, trying not to do something that would cause her to recede into her shell.

"Well, I should probably go finish getting ready," He spoke into the awkward silence that had settled over them.

She glanced up finally, her eyes meeting his momentarily, "Oh? You're going out?"

He nodded, "I'm meeting Kwest at a club."

She nodded, her gaze returning to her feet, "Oh, that's nice."

He felt guilty then, seeing her disappointment at his departure. It surprised him and he wondered what it was he was doing wrong. When he was home she avoided him like the plague but yet here she was disappointed when he decided to spend a night with his friends; something she'd encouraged him to do. For a split second the idea of inviting her flittered through his mind but then all the negative outcomes of such an event would most likely dictate her answer and he decided not to.

"Have fun," She finally supplied.

"Thanks," He started walking toward his room and she slowly crossed the hallway to her door. "The new song sounds great by the way." He called over his shoulder.

She paused, her expression clouded, "Thanks."

---

For the life of him Tommy couldn't work out why Kwest was glaring at him. "What?" He mouthed over the pounding music that was drifting in from the dance floor as the two enjoyed the comfortable settings of the VIP area.

"You haven't listened to a word I've said all night!" Kwest responded, frustration lacing his normally placate voice.

Tommy shrugged, "Sorry. I guess I'm distracted." He glanced around him. The club was full of dancing bodies and blinding strobe lights. Normally the adrenaline would be pumping, the alcohol numbing his thoughts and he'd be completely into the clubbing scene. Tonight his heart wasn't in it. The beer tasted sour, the music was giving him a headache and for reasons he couldn't understand – his heart was heavy.

"No, you _need_ distracting," Kwest corrected. He glanced about him then waved to someone over Tommy's shoulder. Tommy turned to see an attractive young blonde a few years younger then he, moving toward them through the crowd, "Sylvia," Kwest called, "Come meet Tommy!" Turning his gaze back to Tommy, Kwest smiled, "You'll like her."

"Kwest, wait," Tommy tried to deter his friends matchmaking attempts, "I'm really not-"

He was too late. At that same moment Sylvia joined them at the table.

"Hi," She smiled brightly at Tommy. Her eyes meeting his momentarily before her gaze roamed over his entire body then returned to his face. She smiled brightly.

"Sylvia this is Tommy, Tommy this is Sylvia," Kwest performed the obligatory introduction, "Now if you guys could excuse me, they're playing my song," He winked at Tommy before departing out onto the dance floor.

Completely ignoring the chair left free by Kwest, Sylvia opted to sit next to Tommy on the small arm chair he was occupying. She practically had to sit on his lap to stay seated. He felt himself stiffen as she leaned up against him provocatively, the opposite of the reaction he'd normally have in such a situation. "So," She smiled, raising an eyebrow then allowed her voice to trail off as she leaned closer.

---

Sylvia's lips were attacking Tommy's ferociously as she slowly inched closer and closer to him, something that hadn't seemed possible to achieve a moment earlier. He wasn't offering encouragement but at the same time he wasn't pushing her away.

Here was a gorgeous woman who was obviously into him and he couldn't decide why he wasn't into the situation or why he shouldn't go with it. Perhaps a little distraction of the female kind would distract from the confusing feelings that had been overtaking him recently.

Sylvia's arm snaked around his neck as she slid over till she was sitting on his lap.

Returning to retrieve his coat, Kwest snickered as he eyed Tommy. "I'm heading home," He raised an eyebrow, "Have fun."

Tommy managed to disentangle himself from Sylvia's lips for just a second. He tried to shoot a 'Don't leave me' look in his friend's direction but it was either not noticed or disregarded. Tommy glared at his Kwest's departing form then jumped as Sylvia's lips began tracing a path down his neck.

"Um, I really should be getting home too," He said quickly, sliding out from beneath her.

She frowned as she watched him put on his jacket, "But we were just starting to get to know one another."

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired. It was a long day, you know?" He started making his way through the crowds and noticed a moment later that she was following him, "It was nice to meet you" He called, hoping she would get the hint and leave.

She rushed forward, catching his arm and latching on, "We should share a cab," She suggested.

"Oh, well-"

"Please?" She looked at him pleadingly, her eyes like large saucers.

He finally nodded in agreement. Ten minutes later they pulled up in front of his apartment and he tried to quickly climb out of the taxi and close the door but Sylvia was too quick for him. Almost magically she appeared at his side when a second earlier she'd been on the other side of the car.

"I'll walk you to your door!" She offered as she took a hold of his arm again. She turned to the taxi driver and quickly paid him.

"Shouldn't you ask him to wait?" Tommy asked. Truth was he knew the game she was playing and had encountered it with many other women. Though it had been years since his boy band days he still had droves of women hurling themselves at him. It was unusual for him to find the fact so annoying.

Sylvia just smiled in response.

---

Jude had just stepped out of the shower when she noticed a lot of commotion coming from the apartment door. She wrapped her bath towel around her body a little tighter and ran a hand towel through her hair as she made her way to the door. If it was Tommy, he seemed to be having difficulty unlocking the door.

"Tommy?" She called, "Is that you?"

"Yeah," Came the oddly strangled response and she could have sworn she heard feminine giggling, "I-" There was a long pause, "I can't seem to get to my keys."

She frowned as she unlocked the door and swung it open. Tommy was barely managing to stay standing as a woman leaned against him, her lips firmly attached to his neck and her hands running over his chest. Tommy appeared to be trying to push her away but Jude wasn't entirely sure if that was his goal or in fact the opposite. She glanced away in embarrassment.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company."

Noticing the presence of a female voice for the first time, the girl glanced over at Jude. An instant scowl settling on her otherwise gorgeous features, "Who are you?" She asked.

"Um," Jude flipped through her mental dictionary of lies, wondering which answer was supposed to be given in such a situation, "I'm his… sister," She smiled though she really wanted to match the girl's scowl.

The girl frowned in a manner that showed she didn't quite believe the story but didn't overly care about the truth. She turned back to Tommy and grabbed his hands, "Come on. I want to see your room," She smiled suggestively as she walked backwards into the apartment, pulling him with her.

Jude quickly sidestepped to avoid being backed into then closed the door behind them.

Tommy glanced at Jude, a remorseful expression marring his features, "Jude I-"

Jude put up a hand up to stop him, "I'm still working on my song so don't mind me, you two have fun or… whatever," She glanced away.

Tommy's expression was crestfallen as he glanced at Jude one last time before the girl pretty much forced him into his bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Jude balled her hands into fists, crushing the towel in her hands as she glared at Tommy's bedroom door. She couldn't decide why it was that she was so annoyed by the recent turn of events but she was.

Slowly she made her way to her room, casting one last mournful glance at Tommy's bedroom door before closing her own.

**Teasers for Chapter 8: Comfort**

_He rolled his eyes and shrugged off his leather jacket, "The last thing we need is you getting sick," He explained as he stepped over and wrapped it around her shoulders, his hands pausing on her shoulders for just a split second longer then necessary. _

_---_

_Tossing aside reason and the warning voices in his head he walked over and in one swift motion scooped her up into his arms. Her body tense as her head flew up. Wild and tearstained eyes met his momentarily before she began to desperately try to push him away._


	8. Chapter 8: Comfort

A/N: Here is the newest Chapter. Enjoy and leave comments!

Tagline for next couple of chapters: **Secrets can't stay secret forever**.

**Chapter 8: Comfort**

_Jude_

As Sylvia unbuttoned his shirt and pressed her lips to his, all Tommy could think about was Jude. And not in a perverse way as if he was imagining Jude in Sylvia's place but in a guilty way.

It made no sense.

Jude wasn't his girlfriend. He hadn't committed to her; in his entire life he'd never committed to anyone.

So why did he feel so bad?

Sylvia pushed him back onto the bed, a moment later she landed on top of him. The beds creaked at their sudden weight.

_Jude_.

He sat up on the edge of the bed, slowly pushing Sylvia off of him. Not perturbed by his actions she took the opportunity to kick of her shoes and shrug off her denim jacket before leaning down to kiss him once again.

She was beautiful, no doubt about that. But the entire situation felt wrong.

He pushed her away again and this time she noticed it.

"What?" She asked, her eyes searching his.

"I can't do this," He responded slowly.

She frowned, "You're kidding right?"

He stood up, picking her jacket up off the floor and handing it to her, "You should go."

She stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to admit he was joking, to kiss her, to do something other then send her away but he didn't. She swore angrily as she snatched her coat off him then leaned down to pick up her shoes. She strode out of the room, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

Tommy followed quickly. He opened the bedroom door in time to see her opening the apartment door at the end of the hallway. "Say good-night to your _sister_ for me!" She called sarcastically before slamming that door too.

Tommy winced at the deafening sound then putting a hand to his forehead he leaned against the door frame.

---

In her bedroom Jude heard the doors slam, along with Sylvia's angry comments. Though her words were muffled she could make out what was said and it confused her. She frowned, placing her guitar down on the floor next to her bed and brushing away the stray tear that had slipped from her eye a moment earlier.

She leaned over and turned off her bedside lamp and the room fell into silent darkness.

---

Jude awoke to find her morning sickness lacking. She smiled as she at up in bed, slowly moving and waiting for it to arise but it didn't. She gleefully leapt from the bed and began running a comb through her hair. For the first time she could look presentable at the breakfast table rather then have Tommy see her looking like Bigfoot.

The comb hit a knot in her hair just as she realized what she'd been thinking. Wincing in pain she dragged the comb through the knot and frowned at her reflection.

She didn't care if Tom Quincy found her attractive.

She didn't _want_ Tom Quincy to find her attractive.

She wasn't bothered about the girl he'd had come over the night before.

This whole thing was nothing more then an awkward living arrangement that she had to get through before she came up with a better solution to her problems.

That was all.

She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and dabbed on a little foundation and lip gloss but nothing more before tentatively making her way to the kitchen.

Tommy was brewing coffee when she entered the room. He glanced over his shoulder at her, his expression unreadable. "Good-morning," He said as he turned back to his mug.

"It is," Jude responded as she sat down at the table. She eyed a box of cereal and wondered if she'd be pushing her luck to try eating some.

"Do you want a drink?" Tommy asked.

"Um, no thanks," She shook her head. "I think I might wait and see what happens."

He sat down across the table from her, his hands wrapped around the mug as the hot liquid slowly warmed it. "You haven't been sick." He observed.

She shook her head, a grin spreading over her face, "Not yet."

"That's great, girl."

"So I have my Tutor coming till about one this afternoon then I was thinking of arriving at G-Major early," She informed him. They'd discussed her leaving school and getting a tutor the day before.

He nodded, "Sounds good."

"Cool," She grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and got up to leave, "See you then."

"Jude. Wait-"

She paused in the doorway, her back to him. He lifted his eyes to watch her. She didn't turn.

"Yeah?" He could hear the dread in her voice. She knew the conversation had left casual and was about to get awkward.

"I, uh," He licked his lips nervously; suddenly glad she wasn't looking at him. "I didn't, uh, with Sylvia last night… I didn't…"

She spun around then, a forced smile on her lips and her hands raised in protestation, "Please!" She tried to laugh lightheartedly, "I really don't want to know the details. It's your place, you can do whatever you like and it's none of my business. What you and your… friend did or didn't do last night… I really don't want to know." She shrugged and tried to hold the smile but her expression faltered. She looked away before he could notice.

"I just… I feel bad." He said softly.

"Don't worry about it Quincy," She saluted with the banana – an action that was goofy and comical and in no way belied her true emotions – then quickly departed.

Tommy leaned back in his chair, letting out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Jude Harrison was getting to him and there wasn't a thing he could do to stop it.

---

Jude stood in the alleyway outside G-Major, watching as the rain cascaded down around her in angry torrents. It had been a long day and she felt physically and emotionally exhausted. The feeling of exhaustion had been increasing over the last couple of weeks. She was now two and a half months into her pregnancy and as the papers Sadie had printed out for her last week had mentioned; the first trimester is the most exhausting for the body.

She leaned against the building where the rain couldn't reach her except for the occasional rebellious drop that would glide upon a gust of wind and splash against her. She closed her eyes, breathing in the damp freshness of the rain.

"What are you doing out here in the rain, girl?" A familiar voice asked.

Opening her eyes she glanced to her right to find Tommy standing next to her. She hadn't heard the door open or his footsteps approach which showed just how very exhausted she was, "Just… enjoying the rain," She responded.

His forehead creased with concern, "You're getting wet," His tone was almost accusing.

"So I noticed," She smiled.

He rolled his eyes and shrugged off his leather jacket, "The last thing we need is you getting sick," He explained as he stepped over and wrapped it around her shoulders, his hands pausing on her shoulders for just a split second longer then necessary.

"Thanks," She glanced away, watching the cars that passed on the street near the alley, gliding through puddles and sending waves of water toward the sidewalk. She breathed in deeply, noticing Tommy's scent on the jacket. She'd come to recognize it over the last couple of weeks, just as she'd come to recognize his voice – in its varying tones and his moods. She didn't know if she found that fact comforting or alarming.

She blinked sleepily and it wasn't lost on Tommy who unbeknownst to her hadn't taken his eyes off her since entering the alleyway, "You should go-" He paused, wondering if 'home' would be the right word to use or if it would just send her running to her shell once again, "-back to the apartment and get some rest."

She turned to him and shrugged, "I'll sleep when I'm dead, Quincy." She smiled, noticing the alarm that flashed on his face at the mention of death. "When do you get off?" She asked.

"I'm done for the day now," He responded, though in fact he still had a lot of paperwork that needed seeing to, "I can give you a ride back to the apartment?"

She shook her head, feeling restless, "I don't feel like going back to the apartment just yet." She thought for a moment, "Could you take me to the mall?"

"The mall?" He was surprised.

She nodded.

He regretted riding his decision to ride his bike to work that morning, though at the time it had been sunny and clear. Jude climbed on the back, tentatively holding on to the back of his shirt rather then putting her arms around his waist. He was aware of the rain cascading down upon them and was grateful the mall was only a short ride away.

"You're going to fall off if you hold on like that," He called over his shoulder, referring to the way Jude was holding on. He reached back and taking her hands, wrapped them around his waist, "I'll not have anyone falling of the back of my motorbike, thank-you." He kicked a pedal and the motorbike roared into life.

Despite herself, Jude smiled as she held on tightly, hugging closer to Tommy. It was just for warmth, she told herself as the chilling wind whipped at her clothes and the rain drenched her hair.

---

Tommy paid little attention to the magazine's he was browsing through as he stood by the window of the bookstore, glancing across the way at the clothing store Jude was browsing through.

Upon arrival at the Mall she'd handed him his helmet and raced off quickly. He would have had to have hurried to catch up with her and he got the distinct feeling he wasn't welcome anyway. Instead he absentmindedly browsed through various shops at the mall, keeping Jude in sight the majority of the time. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to know where she was and if she was ok. Perhaps it was the unusual surroundings that made him more protective of her.

She frowned as she held up a skirt in front of her, stretching the waist to her own to see if it would fit. It didn't.

She disappeared from sight a moment later and letting out a frustrated growl, Tommy replaced the magazine on the stand. He spotted a café a few stores up and decided a cup of coffee was exactly what he needed. From the outside seating he could still catch the occasional glimpse of the boutique and perhaps Jude.

---

Jude stepped out of the changing rooms and resignedly placed the unwanted clothing on the rack. Her body had definitely changed; she couldn't deny that fact any longer. Though the changes weren't blatantly obvious in the form of a baby bump, she found the waists on her pants pinching into her skin and some of her tops seeming tighter.

She smiled at a store worker and shook her head in response to the offer of assistance. She didn't feel like talking to anyone. A familiar blur of blonde hair caught her eye and she turned to see her mother paying for an item of clothing at the checkout.

Her breath hitched in her throat and tears stung the corners of her eyes as she stood rooted to the spot. The very sight of her mother left her feeling alone and vulnerable.

Mrs. Harrison smiled at the cashier as she picked up her bag of purchases and slipped her wallet back inside her purse. She turned and noticed Jude for the first time. The two of them stared at each other wordlessly, both rooted to the spot.

"Mom," Jude whispered as Mrs. Harrison finally took a few tentative steps toward her.

Mrs. Harrison nodded wordlessly in response.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Jude whispered as the tears began to pool in her eyes.

"Me too," Mrs. Harrison responded coolly. The smile that had been in her eyes before she saw her daughter was now gone.

Jude couldn't help but wonder how her mother really felt about things. It had been her father who'd attacked Tommy and kicked Jude out of the house. Did her mother support him in the violence of his feelings or did she want to support and be there for her daughter?

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen…" Jude stared down at the ground and was silent for a moment, "But maybe I can fix it," She spoke quickly, "I mean, I could give the baby up for adoption. I could go away somewhere while I'm pregnant. No one has to even know it happened."

Mrs. Harrison's eyes were reproachful, "And what does Tommy think of that idea?"

For a moment Jude was taken aback, wondering what Tommy had to do with her decision regarding her baby then she remembered the lie and the resulting differing circumstances. She shrugged lamely.

"No," Mrs. Harrison shook her head and for the first time Jude noticed the tears pooling in her own eyes, "Don't give up your baby. Take it from someone who's just recently lost a daughter. It hurts too much," She brushed past Jude and paused at the door of the store, noticing Tommy at the café across the way. He slowly stood up and started walking over to them.

"Take care, Jude," She said as she glanced back at her daughter.

As Jude met her eyes she saw the love that was still present but being suffocated by everything else. She knew the words had come from the heart. She nodded silently as she watched her mother depart.

---

Tommy watched the entire conversation between Jude and her mother from his spot at the café. He'd witnessed the hopeful and heartbroken expression on Jude's face when she first saw her. He hadn't heard their words but he'd seen the emotions. He'd wanted to go over and be there for Jude but at the same time realized that would be interfering. He was torn if he should stay or go.

He stood to his feet as Jude's mother turned to leave. Their eyes had met for a moment and he'd seen the hatred she had toward him, that was the deciding factor and he'd stared walking toward the boutique as Mrs. Harrison departed.

He saw Jude break.

Glancing around him he'd wondered how no one else could have noticed. She hadn't physically collapsed or smashed into a million pieces like a shattered ice statue but emotionally she had.

She stood there, a small young girl who'd just had her heart torn out by a person she'd trusted with everything. Her head drooped and her arms wrapped around her body as if she was trying to hold herself together or block out the pain.

Closing the last couple of steps between them he'd wrapped his arms around. She was motionless for a few seconds as if she hadn't realized what had happened or where she was. When she realized who was holding her he'd felt her body stiffen. She pulled back slightly and held her head up a little higher. Without saying anything she started for the mall exit and he was left to follow.

---

She was emotionless and dazed when they returned to the apartment. She just stood in the doorway as Tommy entered and turned on the lights. "Are you ok?" He asked.

She nodded and mumbled something about getting an early night before departing to her room and closing the door.

Tommy ran a hand through his hair as he stood in the hallway feeling helpless. He knew she wouldn't confide in him, he knew she wouldn't lean on him. She was alone and broken and there was nothing she'd allow him to do to help her.

He eventually showered, changed and climbed into bed. He turned of his bedside lamp and sank down beneath the covers. It was only then that he heard it – the soft sound of crying, drifting through the walls. He pulled the pillow over his head, trying to muffle the sound and stifle the dull ache in his chest.

It didn't work.

With an angry growl he leapt from the bed and walked down the hallway. He paused for a split second outside her bedroom door before opening it and marching inside.

She hadn't noticed his entry. Her body was huddled up in a small ball on top of her still unmade bed, her head was buried in her pillow and her hands were clutched to her ears as if trying to block out the echoes of her mothers words.

Tossing aside reason and the warning voices in his head he walked over and in one swift motion scooped her up into his arms. Her body tensed as her head flew up. Wild and tearstained eyes met his momentarily before she began to desperately try to push him away.

He held on tight.

"Put me down," She whispered, her voice breaking, "Let me go."

He shook his head wordlessly and pulled her closer. She covered her face with the palms of her hands as her body shook. "Please," He whispered as he buried his face in her hair, "Please let me be here for you." She was still shaking but she wasn't fighting him any longer.

He slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, still cradling her in his arms. He found himself wanting to kiss her hair, her forehead, her cheeks and finally her lips. He wanted to place every confusing emotion whirling through his body into that one desperate kiss; the frustration, the compassion, the desperate longing to put together the shattered pieces she comprised of. He wanted to be able to make her forget everything that had happened and for a moment know nothing but that kiss as his arms were wrapped around her and their lips coaxed them both into an alternate painless Universe.

But that was wrong; overwhelming, confusing and _wrong_.

He buried the feelings and just held her, inhaling sharply as she hid her face in his neck and her tears fell on his warm shoulder, trailing a cool path down his chest and to his heart.

**Teasers for Chapter 9**

"_Ok, now I _know _you're awake," She murmured, twisting to glare at him reproachfully. Despite her words she was surprised to see his confused eyes on hers and a blush quickly rose to her cheeks as she pulled away from him. _

_---_

_Neither Jude nor Tommy noticed Liam standing by his car which was parked across the street. He soon spotted the two laughing together and observed in grim silence, a scowl settling over his features. _


	9. Chapter 9: Color

_A/N: Eeek. I haven't had my computer and laptop the last couple of days due to problems with both of them so I haven't written in days and am out of practice. This is the short chapter so far in this story but I figure short is better then none. There's a good deal of Jommy in here so maybe that will make up for it._

_I'm ever so slightly stuck for future chapters as there are some big decisions that need to be made about where the story goes next and I still haven't made them. :-\_

_Please, please, please comment. Your reviews will be the one thing inspiring me to write at this point. :-\_

**Chapter 9: Color**

She cried herself into a restless and tormented sleep and still Tommy couldn't bear to leave. He sat back on the bed so he was leaning against the wall with the pillow behind him and his legs stretched out on the bed. He reached down and pulled the duvet up over her shoulders, his arms encircling her small body as it was cocooned in the blankets warmth.

He was so lost in the feeling of her warm body against his, in the intoxicating scent of her hair, in the feelings of helplessness that were washing over him that he didn't notice the exhaustion overtake him.

It was some time after midnight when his eyes closed and he slowly slid till he was lying down on the bed, an arm slung loosely over Jude's waist, holding her close to him as she snuggled into his shoulder, her hand unconsciously on his chest. The pillow fell to the floor silently as Jude's silent demons finally departed and she fell into a peaceful sleep.

---

The bright morning sunlight streamed through the window as Jude blinked sleepily. She put a hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn and for the first time noticed she wasn't the only person occupying the bed. She leapt in fright and tried to pull away from Tommy. He mumbled something in his sleep and held on to her tighter, roughly pulling her against him and burying his face in her hair.

Jude raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on her lips. She peered at him, twisting her head to the side to get a good look at his face, "You're not really asleep," She accused in the lightest of whispers but was rewarded with no response.

She gingerly poked his shoulder with her index finger but again was awarded no response. Frowning, she propped herself up on one elbow till she was lying on her side and staring at him. His arm was still over her waist, his fingers grazing the exposed skin between her pajama pants and shirt.

'_There's something of an angel in a man when he sleeps_' she remembered her mother saying to a friend when she was a child. She didn't allow herself to smile as she watched him. Smiling at something in his sleep he rolled over onto his back. His hand slowly slid off her waist and though she didn't admit it to herself she felt herself missing his touch.

She let out a soft frustrated groan as she buried her face in the mattress. She wasn't sure of the name of the emotion that was overtaking her, or the reason she hadn't crawled out of bed now that she was

The sunlight sparkled in her hair as she lay on her side, a hand cushioning her face as she stared at Tommy and the wall behind him. She smiled as she thought back to the girl she'd been two years ago; how adoringly she'd gazed at her new producer that day at the docks. She remembered the heartache she'd experienced when he'd brushed her away time and time again. Now here she was, lying across from him in a King size bed. Granted it was for entirely unexpected and unusual circumstances but still – who'd have seen this coming?

Tommy shifted in his sleep again, rolling over till he was facing her. She eyed him skeptically, still wondering if he was really asleep. He stretched and his hand connected with her shoulder, unconsciously feeling its way, it slid down her shoulder and across her back as the other mirrored the action. In one fluid motion he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly to him.

Jude gasped at the action, her hands in front of her body, gently pushing against his chest. Her eyes shot up to his face but his eyes were still slightly closed as his hand softly stroked her back.

'_What the hell is wrong with you?_' She thought to herself. '_Wake him up! Push him away_' Oh, but there really was an angel in him when he slept…

She rolled her eyes and stayed put, telling herself the entire experience was out of curiosity. She'd never been held by a member of the opposite sex in such a manner and it felt nice – not overtly sexual but comforting and reassuring.

She closed her eyes tightly and tentatively rested her head on his chest. A few minutes passed and she felt herself falling asleep again. She felt so comfortable. Tommy's hand occasionally running up and down her back had a hypnotic affect on her body; everything felt so nice…

---

A few minutes later Tommy stirred and stretched. His eyes blinked open and he glanced around him. He frowned at the unfamiliar wallpaper and unfamiliar settings before realizing where he was.

He glanced down at the girl half lying on his chest, a hand over his heart and he felt his heart rate quicken.

This was a new experience for him. He'd never spent the night with a girl. Generally they left or he left, either by unspoken agreement or request. He'd tried 'cuddling' on occasion but found it pointless and boring. He always found himself resenting the girl; for jumping into bed with him simply for his fame and the fame or wealth she hoped to achieve by knowing him. He resented them for never trying to get to know him, for not respecting themselves and selling themselves so short.

He always slept alone and woke up alone.

He raised an eyebrow and tentatively reached down to run a hand through Jude's hair.

"Ok, now I _know_ you're awake," She murmured, twisting to glare at him reproachfully. Despite her words she was surprised to see his confused eyes on hers and a blush quickly rose to her cheeks as she pulled away from him.

"_You_ were awake?" He asked. He was surprised that she'd been so snuggled up against him _and_ conscious of it.

She shrugged, "It was hard to get away when you kept grabbing me," She offered lamely.

"I grabbed you?" His eyebrows rose doubtfully.

She blushed even more and slid her legs over the side of the bed, "A number of times. I never took you as the cuddly type Quincy."

"Oh, I'm not," He assured her as he sat up.

She stood, glancing about her uncomfortably as an awkward silence settled over them. Feeling audacious he stayed rooted to the spot despite her obvious discomfort. She tapped her foot impatiently on the carpet. He leaned back against the wall, his hands behind his head. She scowled.

"I'm going to go have a shower," She finally muttered as she grabbed her towel and bathrobe off their hooks behind the door and marched out of the room, allowing the door to bang shut behind her.

He grinned to himself, finding her flustered actions amusing. He couldn't deny he was in a better mood after the events of the night before. He hoped it had been the breakthrough he hoped for and that she might now be more open with him and allowing him to be there for him when he needed her. He truly hoped she'd stop being so damn independent.

He slowly slid out of the bed. Standing barefoot on the soft carpet he glanced around the room. He hadn't entered it since Jude moved in a month ago and it had changed with her presence. The walls were still the same color, the furniture was the same but the entire atmosphere was different.

Her clothes were strewn haphazardly over a bureau of drawers and her make-up, hair care and moisturizers littered the surface of the dressing table. There were dashes of color here and there; a colorful notepad, a feather boa, a hand sized, orange, soft toy giraffe and various hair clips, scrunchies and items of jewelry.

It was so Jude.

He liked it.

Realizing she'd probably resort to verbal abuse if she still found him present in her room, Tommy decided not to push it any more and slowly slipped from the room and back into the colorless confines of his hallway and eventually his room.

---

Two weeks passed and neither Jude nor Tommy brought up the night they'd spent together. As he'd hoped she was somewhat more open with him; a little less reserved and a little more willing to accept his reassurances. But she was still Jude and as she reminded him every day; he was still Tommy.

The more he wanted to pull her closer, the more determined she seemed to hold him at arms distance.

The atmosphere in the apartment began to change. Subtly at first, Jude began to bring home décor items such as a funky glass vase or a small art print. Tommy raised an eyebrow in amusement the first time he sat down on the black leather sofa and encountered a furry red cushion.

Jude, who had just left the kitchen with a hot chocolate, noticed him eyeing the cushion as if it were in fact a fluffy creature about to attack him, "You don't like it?" She asked disappointment on her features.

"No, it's…" He scrambled for words.

Her expression fell, "I chose the green 'cause I thought that was more of a guy color but if you don't like it…" She walked over and picked up the cushion, "I'll take it to my room."

"No wait," he reached out and grabbed her arm, "I do. I like it," He smiled reassuringly as he took the cushion from her and positioned it in the corner of the sofa; "I think we need a few more though, don't you? It looks a little lonely on its own."

She smiled, a rare, true smile, "There's an adorable décor shop downtown that has a great selection."

Noticing an opportunity he tentatively suggested, "Maybe we could go there after work and choose out a few more."

He was surprised when she nodded her agreement, "Ok."

---

Jude waved to the doorman as she departed Tommy's apartment building. She'd been studying all morning with her tutor and was making good progress toward her graduation in a couple of months. Things had been going well lately. Her morning sickness had dissipated somewhat and though she was always tired she was feeling somewhat more optimistic.

Granted she hadn't come up with any solutions to her problems. Nor had she made the decisions she needed to make.

Her hand slid over her flat stomach as she strolled down the footpath. She was seriously considering adoption but still couldn't come up with a simple yes or no.

She couldn't imagine handing her child over to strangers. She couldn't imagine never seeing it grow up and wondering each and every night of her life where it was and if it was okay. She was going to have other children someday in the future. Some day she would marry a wonderful man, take time off from her music career and start a family. She couldn't imagine one day explaining to her children that she'd given up their older brother and sister, that they'd never know someone that was such a part of them, of her.

But then she couldn't imagine herself dragging a baby along on tours. She couldn't see herself putting in long days at the studio and being woken up constantly in the night to a baby's cries. She still shuddered at the thought of changing diapers and devoting eighteen years of her life to raising another human being was daunting.

Was she selfish? Was it simply that she didn't want her life to change? She didn't want the hardship of motherhood or the responsibility. She didn't want to struggle through the life of a solo mother. She didn't want to attend PTA meetings and wake up early on Saturday mornings to drive kids to soccer or netball. She didn't want to plan birthday parties or doll out groundings and other punishments.

She wanted to be free to hop in her car and drive toward the sunset without worrying about picking up her child from school or arranging a babysitter.

She wanted her life to be all about her; like it had been till now.

She wanted a boyfriend. Though she had no plans of telling him, her kiss with Tommy at the park had been her first – or at least her first _real_ kiss. She wanted more kisses like that – not with Tommy and the awkwardness but the real thing. She didn't see herself landing a guy with a baby or toddler running around her feet. What guy would want to take on the responsibility of another man's child?

But was it really all selfish?

She didn't want to ruin a child's life. Nothing terrified her more then the thought of being a bad mother; of not distilling the information, principals and life lessons that were necessary in her child's life.

What if she couldn't do it? What if she couldn't look after her child the way it deserved to be looked after? What if she really was too young, too naïve, to preoccupied with her self and her music?

It really was so easy to push those emotions and questions deep down inside. Tomorrow was another day and following this week would be another. There was time. There were months and months of time to answer the questions that needed answering and to make that one life changing decision.

---

She smiled up at him as they strolled down the footpath together. His thumbs were hooked in the pocket of his jeans and Jude's hung loosely at her sides as she walked. Occasionally the back of her hand would brush up against his innocently. Glancing at her he wondered if she even noticed the brief touches. He certainly did. It was a sudden bolt of electricity running down his spine. He'd never known such small touches or looks to be so electric but everything about Jude he found to be a new experience.

"This is it," She said as she pointed at a store front directly in front of them.

They were in a remote part of town, one he'd rarely visited. He found the fact reassuring and was certain no one would see them together. Perhaps he let his guard down a little as a result. He didn't hurry down the street or encourage Jude to wear a hat and him his sunglasses. He didn't doubt for a second that the Paparazzi would avoid this part of town like the plague.

A set of tiny bells chimed as he opened the store door and held it open for Jude to enter. She curtsied slightly, an amused expression on her face, "Why thank-you good sir," She remarked with a fake southern accent.

He smiled to himself as walked through the door himself and closed it behind them.

The store was a strange mixture of old and new with retro and antique decorations along with bold and creative new designs.

Jude took his hand and forged her way through the gathered shoppers, pulling him along behind her as she led him to a wall display of cushions, "Voila," She declared. She motioned to the cushions with two hands like a girl on a game show displaying the fabulous prize.

His eyebrows rose as he glanced from the floor to he high ceiling. Shelves upon shelves of cushions sparkled back at him.

"So what's your favorite color?" Jude asked as she picked up a green velvet cushion and ran her hands across the soft surface.

He scratched the back of his neck as he glanced about, "Um… I don't know?"

She gaped at him, "You don't know your favorite color?"

He shrugged, "I don't have one."

She placed the cushion back on the shelf and turned to him. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she gazed at him skeptically, "_Everyone_ has a favorite color!" She declared. She sighed and turned back to the shelf, "Well pink is definitely out-" She paused then eyed him again, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes, "Or are you a closet pink lover?"

He shook his head vehemently, mirroring the action with his hands, "Definitely not."

She tapped her index finger to her chin as she once again surveyed the shelf, "Well we know you like black and grey but they're technically not colors." She tilted her head thoughtfully, "Yellow? No. Blue. Hmm…" She reached up and took a dark red cushion off the third shelf, "What about red?" She held the cushion in front of her questioningly, "It's the color of life, of passion. Are you a passionate man, Quincy?"

He nodded, his eyes drifting from the cushion to her face, his expression intense, as his mind wandered, "More and more with each passing day."

She smiled, "So red is acceptable?"

He nodded, "Red I can live with."

With a slight bounce she grabbed a collection of red cushions from the shelf and held each up for him to examine. He chose a plain dark red cushion and a bright red cushion with a black stripe. Jude rolled her eyes and laughed at that. He let Jude pick out the rest and she couldn't resist choosing a furry cushion.

"So I take it you have a thing for fur?" He asked.

She nodded, running a hand over the cushions surface, "The fake stuff anyway. I couldn't wear or rest on a dead creature."

"But no wool right?" He couldn't resist the question.

Her eyes widened and she impulsively punched him on the arm, "Don't make fun of me! I can't help that sheep give me the creeps."

She started walking toward the counter, her arms overloaded with cushions. One slipped and fell to the floor and he picked it up. "But they're just balls of wool with heads and cute spindly legs," He bopped her on the head lightly with the cushion and she turned to glare at him, the sparkle in her eyes making evident the fact that she wasn't truly angry.

"They're vicious; bloodthirsty and vicious! The guy who made that horror film was on to something I tell ya. They sit out in the paddocks dozily chewing on their grass and looking cute but secretly they're plotting to take over the planet; them and hippos."

He burst out laughing at that, "What did the hippos do?"

She shivered, "They're just so fat and slippery and they're called hippopotamuses. You've got to be evil or severely warped with a name like that."

He just chuckled to himself as he handed the store clerk his credit card and she bagged his purchases. He reached over and ruffled Jude's hair and she pushed his hand away playfully, a happy smile brightening her features.

Neither noticed Liam's Mercedes pull up across the street. Shivering in the brisk early December wind he zipped up his jacket and locked the car. He turned away from the car then did a double take. Taking off his glances he peered into the shop across the street. He watched as Jude skipped out of the shop and Tommy followed her with two bags worth of cushions. She ran ahead and unlocked the car, sticking her tongue out at him cheekily then laughing at his verbal response.

The two got in the car and drove away, not noticing Liam partially hidden behind a phone both. Scowling he slipped his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose then pulled out his cell phone. He selected a number from his speed dial and held the phone to his ear.

"Hello? Darius? It's Liam," He said grimly.

**Teasers for Chapter 10: Discovered**

"_Tom," Darius nodded coolly then glanced over at Jude, "Jude," He nodded again. She noticed he didn't seem surprised to see her and as she glanced down at the bathrobe she was wearing over her pajamas, she realized there was no explaining away this situation. This didn't look like a late night song writing session in any possible way. "Can I come in?" Darius asked._


	10. Chapter 10: Discovered

A/N: Check out the _Tentative Acceptance_ trailer at Youtube! Just run a search for 'Tentative Acceptance Trailer'

This chapter goes out to our new readers: XoSdaDance, jadedsinger88, hmgirl8192, CrownJules and Melissa and of course **FraNNie QuiNcY** for making us a wonderful Trailer!

---

**Chapter 10: Discovered**

Tommy glanced over at Jude as they drove home. She had her arm propped up on the open window and was resting her head on her chin as she gazed thoughtfully out the window. Suddenly her expression changed from boredom to excitement, "Oh! Isn't that just the cutest puppy ever?" She motioned to a woman walking her Dalmatian as the car passed them.

Tommy smiled as he changed gear, "So dogs aren't evil?"

She shook her head wordlessly, a small smile playing on her lips.

"So you like them with spots?"

She shrugged, "And dots and freckled locks, Whiskers, lickers and eyes that flicker. A Wagging tales that never fails and of course undying love"

He gaped at her and she burst out laughing, "It's from this children's book I had when I was a kid. I really wanted a dog after reading that book." She turned to the window again.

Tommy indicated and turned left, "Did you ever get one?"

She shook her head, "Mum was worried about the smell and it getting dog fur throughout the house and Dad just thought it would be irritating. That's life I guess."

"Well I had a hamster," Tommy declared with a rueful smile.

Jude gaped at him, "Seriously?"

"What's so surprising about that?"

"I guess you just didn't strike me as the hamster type." She shrugged.

"What type do you think I am?" He asked with a joking but interested smile, "A rat?"

Smiling she shook her head, "No," She said with mock sincerity, "I don't think you're a rat."

He rolled his eyes. "I meant the pet rat type- Oh never mind." He shook his head, smiling despite himself.

Jude thought for a moment, "I guess I think you're the dog type but nothing small, like a Chihuahua or something. Maybe a Labrador or Great Dane?" She shrugged again.

They drove past shops littered with Christmas displays. The holiday was a few weeks away and Tommy wondered if he should celebrate the season for once this year; for Jude. He'd never had a tree and other then the occasional polite gift with his friends; the season had gone unobserved since his fifteenth birthday. His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he drove, blinking once or twice he leaned over and turned on the car radio, blocking out thoughts and memories.

---

Tommy strode into G-Major early the next morning, a frown residing on his handsome features.

Jude's morning sickness had returned that morning and after a few days respite it had been worse then ever. She'd spent more then half an hour in the bathroom and gauging her mood he'd given her space.

Eventually he'd called through the door that he was leaving for work, putting her favorite CD on to play before departing in a hope that it would cheer her up.

An Intern smiled flirtatiously at him, twirling her hair between two fingers as she passed him, "Hi Tommy," She said with a giggle.

He merely grunted a response and made a beeline for his office. He had a lot of paperwork to catch up on due to leaving work early many nights that week. He noticed Darius talking to a rep at his own office door and he didn't look too happy. He glanced over at Tommy and his expression grew even colder. A slight shiver ran up his spine as Tommy opened the door to Tommy opened the door to his office. It appeared they were talking about him and that could never be a good thing.

"T, Man" Kwest seemingly leapt out of nowhere, causing Tommy to jump back in fright, "Where you been?"

Tommy glanced around, "I'm not late am I?"

Kwest shook his head, "I mean lately. It's like even when I see you you're not all there." He shook his head, "I don't know what's up with you lately."

Tommy grabbed a pan as he sat down on his swivel chair and turned his computer on. "I've just been busy with stuff," He responded with a nonchalant shrug.

Kwest nodded, his expression softening, "I know, I hate Christmas too."

Tommy shook his head a little too firmly, "It's not that."

An awkward silence settled. Eventually Kwest spoke up as he made his way to the door, "Look, watch out for Darius. He's on a real warpath today." He shook his head, "That guy and his moods…"

Tommy nodded absentmindedly, his eyes his computer screen, "Will do."

---

Jude smiled as she leaned back on the sofa, the new cushions flashing color into an otherwise stark room. Tommy's apartment was starting to feel like a home. She realized it was starting to feel like iher/i home. She actually felt comfortable enough to sit there wearing pajamas and furry bear foot slippers. Glancing around mischievously and not seeing Tommy in sight she rested her feet on the coffee table, crossing one leg over the other.

Tommy hated people putting feet on the coffee table.

Her fingers absentmindedly tapped against the base of the pencil she was holding as she sketched out lyrics for a song in her journal.

It was strange; this feeling she was experiencing. It was one she hadn't felt in awhile.

She was happy.

Life wasn't perfect and those questions and doubts were still swirling around in the pit of her stomach but she'd once heard someone define happiness as 'being able to look past the imperfections'.

She nibbled on her bottom lip as she scribbled down the bridge of her song. She didn't notice the buzzing of the doorbell she was so lost in her writing.

"Jude? Can you get that?" Tommy called from his bedroom.

A frown rested on her features as she glanced up and looked about, "Huh?" She called.

A frustrated groan drifted down the corridor and Tommy followed it. He'd just gotten out of the shower and his hair was still wet, his shirt was open and he hastily did up the buttons and glared at her. He motioned for her to remove her feet from the table which she did with an embarrassed grin.

The doorbell rang again.

"All right already! I'm coming" He called as he marched over to the door. He'd ordered a pizza earlier and both he and Jude anticipated the buzzing to belong to the deliver boy.

Though Tommy rarely received visitors at his apartment, the two had set up a routine for guests. Jude would hide quickly after scanning the living room for any items that might betray her presence.

That night, due to the expected pizza, they didn't have their normal guard up and she didn't race and hide before he opened the door.

They were both left to gape in horror as Darius stood glowering in the doorway.

"D." Tommy gasped; he released the doorknob that clattered back into position in the otherwise silent apartment.

"Tom," Darius nodded coolly then glanced over at Jude, "Jude," He nodded again. She noticed he didn't seem surprised to see her and as she glanced down at her pajamas, she realized there was no explaining away this situation. This didn't look like a late night song writing session in any possible way. "Can I come in?" Darius asked.

Stepping back, Tommy silently motioned for Darius to enter.

"A G-Major rep saw the two of you at the Clinic a few weeks ago," Darius explained, "He didn't get around to mentioning it to me today – casually, in passing. I think he thought I knew. Then Liam spotted the two of you… shopping for cushions yesterday," He shook his head and chuckled to himself, "See, I was under the impression that the two of you had cooled your little relationship, at my request," He glared at Tommy, "So I'm wondering why the two of you are still cropping up at every odd non-work location together," He ticked them off on his fingers, "A nice romantic lunch, a medical clinic, a mall, a décor shop and here… in your apartment," He glanced over at Jude again, slowly looking her up and down. He turned to Tommy, an accusing finger pointed at Jude, "Normal attire for-" He paused, "Wait, I haven't gotten your lame excuse for this rendezvous yet"

Tommy opened his mouth to speak, and then paused. He'd planned this conversation out in his mind but Darius looked so formidable and Jude so small and scared as she stood behind him that he found himself wanting to find the exact words. He found himself questioning his recent decisions.

Frowning, Darius continued, "And what's funny is the fact that Jude's parents informed me, when I called them today, that Jude is no longer living under their roof. In fact – she hasn't for a couple of weeks now," He glanced over his shoulder at Jude again, "So where has our little rock star been staying?"

There was a long pause during which time Darius glanced between the two impatiently, "Well?"

Looking him dead in the eye and determined not to show fear or allow Darius to faze him, Tommy calmly said, "Jude is living with me. Her parents kicked her out."

One eyebrow rose as Darius scanned Tommy's face, "Are you two still seeing each other?"

Tommy smirked, "Kind of hard not to _see_ one another when we work together and live in the same house."

"Don't mess with me T. You know what I mean."

"The thing is," Jude spoke up for the first time, "I'm pregnant."

Darius gaped at her disbelievingly, and then glanced from her to Tommy and back. Wordlessly he pointed at Tommy questioningly.

"I'm the father," Tommy nodded.

As Darius swore loudly at the revelation, Jude was struck with guilt at her words. How could she have allowed Tommy to get ensnared in her mess? He was risking everything for her. It wasn't fair.

"I want you to know I'm going to do the right thing," Tommy said quickly, "I'm going to be there for Jude and the baby, both financially and any other way required." He glanced at Jude and their eyes met momentarily, then he glanced back to Darius, "This isn't like what you're thinking. I… care about her - a lot."

Jude glanced at her feet, surprised to find herself wishing the lie was the truth. She wished those words had just been spoken by her babies father – that he really cared and would support her in the months and years ahead. She tried to read Darius' expression. Tommy had sounded pretty convincing.

"I want to speak to Jude alone," Darius finally said.

"I don't think-"

Darius silenced him with a raised hand, "What you think means absolutely nothing to me right now," He spoke through gritted teeth, "Now leave the room before I do something _you'll_ regret."

Tommy glanced at Jude and she nodded her consent. With a resigned sigh Tommy left the room. Darius motioned for Jude to sit down at the table then sat across from her.

"I'm sorry Jude," Darius said gently.

There was surprise in her eyes as she glanced up at him, "What for?" She whispered.

"For treating you like an adult when you weren't one. For putting you in situations that you shouldn't have been expected to handle on your own. For leaving you with Tom," He shook his head sadly, "I should have looked out for you more. Then maybe we wouldn't all be in this mess."

"Did Tom…" He paused, "Take advantage of you in anyway? Did he pressure or force you into anything?"

Jude's eyes widened. She shook her head severely, "No!"

Darius reached across the table, putting a hand over Jude's in a fatherly way, "You can tell me Jude; it's ok. He's an adult, you're a minor. The blame for this situation lies with him."

Jude's mind scrambled for a response. She was playing the part of a person she wasn't, nor could imagine or relate to being. She'd always intended to avoid sexual relations with any man she wasn't in a committed and loving relationship with – marriage even. She would never have slept with her producer; not Tommy. But now she had to convince people of a complicated lie she couldn't even sort out in her own mind.

"It was mutual," She said softly, "He did nothing wrong. We both… got carried away. It was a mistake and I wish I could change it but it's on both our heads," She looked down, a tear spilling down her cheek. How Darius interpreted that tear and the truth behind it were entirely different.

Jude longed to speak the truth; 'The blame is entirely on me. Tommy is a better man then I'd ever thought. He's just trying to help me.' But the consequences and outcome of such a confession she couldn't image or bear to face.

Darius nodded, "So you're going to have the baby?"

Jude nodded, "I'm considering adoption though."

Darius drummed his fingers on the table, "How many people know?"

"Just my parents and Sadie."

He shook his head, running a hand over the bald surface, "This is going to take a hell of a lot of damage control."

She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his, "Are you going to liquidate my contract with G-Major?"

He gazed at her. "I don't know," He answered honestly. "I'll have to meet with our guys and decide how to handle this."

Another tear spilled down her cheek and she shook her head, "I'm so sorry Darius. I never wanted this," She shrugged then quietly admitted, "I'm really scared."

Standing, Darius walked around to her side of the table and pulled her into a comforting strong hug, "I don't know if you know this but my mother was only sixteen when I was born." He brushed a tear from her cheek, "She was a strong woman. Be strong Jude, you'll get through this."

It was some time later when Tommy dared to venture from his room. Darius had left a few minutes earlier and he found Jude sitting motionless at the kitchen table.

"What's going to happen?" He asked.

She shrugged lifelessly, "I don't know."

He placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly and unlike she would have a month earlier; she didn't shrug it away.

**Teasers for Chapter 11: Consequences**

_A moment later the woman's voice interrupted her thoughts. "When is yours due?"_

_Jude's eyes shot open. "I'm sorry?"_

"_Your baby; when is it due?"_


	11. Chapter 11: Repercussions

_A/N: Wow! Between DLS and I've had 37 comments on the last chapter! Thanks so much everyone. Your comments and reviews mean the world to me. I read them over and over. :) _

**Chapter 11: Repercussions**

Jude brushed her hair off her shoulder and leaned back on her hands, feeling the cool park grass beneath her fingers. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, savoring the fresh air.

It was a Saturday and in addition to having the day off school she also wasn't expected at the Studio. Darius hadn't been in contact and neither Jude nor Tommy new what the outcome of yesterday's revelation was going to be. Tommy had left for work that morning, feeling more nervous then he let on.

A cooing sound caught her attention and she glanced to her right to see a Mother on a picnic blanket, a small baby in her arms. Noticing Jude watching her she smiled and Jude smiled back.

"They make it all worthwhile," The mother remarked, glancing down at her baby as she adjusted the blanket around her face. She motioned to a group of children playing hide on go seek on the other side of the park. "The blonde girl with the pigtails is mine as well as the little boy with the plastic sword."

Jude smiled as she watched the two children laughing together and peeking out from behind trees. "They're adorable." Figuring the conversation had ended she closed her eyes again. A moment later the woman's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"When is yours due?"

Jude's eyes shot open. "I'm sorry?"

"Your baby; when is it due?"

Jude's automatically glanced down at her stomach, wondering if she'd developed a prominent baby bump in the last five minutes but her stomach was as flat as ever.

"Oh, it's not showing but I used to work at a maternity hospital. I can always recognize a pregnant woman," The mother explained, "They have this glow about them; a look in their eyes like they're viewing the world differently from the rest of us."

Jude's eyes were wide and she found herself shaking slightly, "I just… I haven't told that many people yet. It was kind of… a surprise," She grimaced.

The woman chuckled, "Sometimes the surprises turn on the best of all."

Repositioning on the grass so that she was facing her, Jude tentatively asked, "Can I hold… it?" She motioned to the baby.

The woman smiled, "Of course. And it's a girl – Melanie."

She carefully placed the baby in Jude's arms, gently pointing out the correct way to support the head and cradle the small body.

"Hi Melanie," Jude whispered softly. The baby blinked sleepily, it's tiny fingers curling into firsts then uncurling.

"I've never held a baby before," Jude admitted.

If she was surprised the woman didn't let it show.

"How old is she?" Jude shifted slightly and softly touched the babies hand with her index finger, marveling at the softness of the infant's skin.

"A month."

Counting in her mind, Jude realized in a little more then seven months time her baby would be the same age. The thought of her child being this big and being its own separate entity was daunting. The baby was suddenly all too real but then she asked herself; would she know her baby at a month old or would she have said good-bye forever?

---

While Jude's mind tackled big questions; Tommy was tentatively venturing through the front door of G-Major. It had been sunny out and he took the opportunity to wear a baseball cap and sunglasses. As he walked into G-Major he kept his head down and hoped no one would recognize him or at least not Darius.

"Hold it right there," An angry voice called just as Tommy was about to successfully enter the studio without being recognized.

He turned slowly, pulling off his sunglasses and slipping them into his pocket, "Darius," He said with a slight greeting nod.

"My office, now," Darius departed and Tommy was left to follow.

On entering Darius' overly decorated office, Tommy was overtaken with the feeling that he was walking into a cage or prison. Never had the walls seemed so enclosing and suffocating.

Wordlessly Darius motioned to a chair and Tommy sat down across from him, his arms resting casually on the armrests, his fingers tapping a tune on the leather surface. The action seemed casual and unalarmed but those where the last feelings to match Tommy's current mood. "Please don't release Jude from her contact," Tommy blurted out, "She's the real deal."

Darius nodded slightly, "I haven't decided what to do about Jude's next album but we won't be releasing her from her contract at this point. It would reflect negatively on the company to release an artist simply because they're pregnant."

"So this is about me, right?" Tommy felt his heart plummet to his angles as he quietly uttered the question.

"Let's cut to the chase," Darius said calmly, "I'm both disgusted and astounded by your recent actions. I'll admit we've never had high opinions of one another but I thought this was beneath even you, Tom. Jude is seventeen-years-old. She's in High School for goodness sake! You had no right taking advantage of her admiration for you."

Tommy glanced away, biting the inside of his cheek in an attempt to keep back the angry response he wished to utter.

"I want you to stay away from her, completely. We'll arrange an apartment for her to move into and find her a new producer. Consider your contract with G-Major terminated."

Tommy shut up out of his chair, "You're kidding me right?"

Darius leaned back in his chair, shooting Tommy a withering look and offering no verbal reply.

"This is crazy!" Tommy cried as he threw his hands up into the air in frustration, "How is that going to help anything at this point?"

Darius leaned forward, placing the palms of his hands on the desks surface "Don't push me, Tom," He remarked through gritted teeth.

"Ok, fine," Willing himself to calm down, Tommy returned to his chair, "But first hear me out."

Tommy figured the only way to win in this situation was to present a logical argument to Darius; something that offered financial and business success with a touch of heart. He knew Darius better then he thought.

"Think about the publicity for this," ticking items off on his fingers, Tommy began, "Option A- your teenage artists ends up pregnant and the father of her child is her slightly older producer. This very company treats the relationship as something shameful and ships me off to who knows where. The press will have a field day. I mean; it will look like I used her and didn't care about her and that I'm some creep who runs out on my child. It will reflect negatively on Jude, making her appear naïve and stupid and that will only serve to damage her career."

"You've already done the damage to her career," Darius remarked with a slight roll of his eyes, "The press are going to say that either way."

"Fine," Tommy's fingers dug into the armrest as he struggled to remain cool, "Option B- two people got caught up in their feelings and made a mistake. The relationship was a mutual and loving one and though it was wrong – we're both making the most of what is and facing the consequences maturely. Jude and I present ourselves to the media as in love and happy at the prospect of our child's birth. It's not perfect but I personally think it's a better option," He waited nervously for Darius response.

Darius tapped his fingertips together as he eyed Tommy, "You love her?"

Tommy shrugged, "I care greatly about her."

Darius raised an eyebrow.

"Ok, yeah. I love her."

Glancing skyward, Darius sighed, "I guess the in love and happy option would look better…" He slowly admitted.

"So do I," A note of relief had crept into Tommy's voice.

"Okay, get out of my office, I need to talk this over with our people," Darius instructed gruffly.

"Thanks D," Tommy smiled as he got to his feet.

"Tommy?" Darius called after him.

"Yeah?"

"If you do _anything_ to hurt Jude I'll personally make sure you die a slow and painful death," His expression was menacing and Tommy fought the urge to gulp and take a few steps backward, "I'm doing this for Jude and for the company. I personally don't care if you fall of the face of the planet and I never see you again, in fact; I think I'd be grateful."

Tommy nodded slightly before turning and quickly leaving the office. He strode through the sea of people in the G-Major lobby; a blur of faces he didn't distinguish or recognize. When he was finally in the safety of his office he leant against the door and took in a deep shaky breath. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes and running his hands over his face and through his hair.

---

Jude pondered if she was suffering from a panic attack as she quickly made her way down the Toronto streets, headed for Tommy's apartment. She'd gone to the park to relax but was once again confronted with the decisions she was running away from. Then there was the likelihood that Darius would have called; she'd accidentally left her cell phone home and would have missed his call – one that would provide either the second worst news of her life or the best.

Feeling the spark of tears in her eyes she quickly sidestepped into a bookstore and hurriedly raced to a quiet aisle near the back of the store. The familiar smell of paper and ink was comforting somehow and she leaned against a bookshelf, inhaling deeply.

After a few minutes of deep breaths and repeated mental instructions to herself to 'calm down', 'just breath' and 'relax' she finally got a hold of herself and calmly straightened up as if nothing had happened. She adjusted her skirt, brushing out any wrinkles and nervously glanced around for a security camera. There wasn't one in sight but she still blushed slightly as she began to casually peruse the books on the shelf next to her.

She was in the religion section and there were books on every religion known to man – and some you'd never have heard of. Eventually she spotted a Bible and smiling to herself she picked it up.

Her family had attended church casually on Christmas and special occasions when she was younger and though Jude never completely embraced the scene she'd always believed in God. She'd enjoyed Sunday school and playing with other children after church. Then there was the singing of course; which was always a hit with Jude.

She absentmindedly flipped through the pages of the Bible, remembering how much she'd enjoyed the Bible stories when she was a kid. She didn't expect to take anything away from the lines she skimmed but she enjoyed the momentary distraction and trip down childhood memory lane.

She was about to set the Bible back on the shelf when one line caught her eye; '**I will not abandon you, or fail to help you**'

She traced her finger over the words, feeling a warm, cozy feeling in the pit of her stomach at the meaning of the words. She knew if she were here Sadie would roll her eyes and comment at how cheesy Jude was being but the words had an impact. Her parents had abandoned her and her friends long before then, perhaps when she arrived home her G-Major family would also have abandoned her yet here in this book as old as time was a reassurance from God himself that he'd never abandon her; no matter what.

They were just the words she had needed to hear at that particular moment in time and with a new found confidence in her step, and a little more bravery in her expression; she took the book to the counter and purchased a copy before leaving the store and continuing home to Tommy's apartment.

---

Jude found the light on the answering machine blinking a furious red when she arrived at the apartment. She chewed on her bottom lip as she searched out her cell phone and checked for missed calls; nothing. Shrugging off her jacket she glanced over at the answering machine again then walked over to it. As no one but Sadie knew where she was staying she didn't expect the message to be for her anyway.

She tentatively pressed the play button and Tommy's voice filled the room. He sounded stressed, "Hi, Jude? I tried calling your cell but I guess it was turned off or something. I hope you get this message okay. You need to come round to the studio. It's-" The line went dead.

Jude frowned then rewound and replayed the message; it cut out at the exact same moment. Shaking her head she shrugged her jacket back on, grabbed her purse and headed out the door once again.

---

"Well, that was rude," Tommy remarked as he placed the phone back in the cradle and turned to glare at Liam who'd terminated the call by pressing the end call button on the phone.

Smiling cockily, Liam offered no apology, "I have papers for you to sign, terminating your contract with all your artists but Jude." He turned and started walking toward his office.

Left with no choice but to follow, Tommy did so. An angry frown settled on his features and his voice rose slightly, "That was an important phone call. Darius _asked_ me to call Jude-"

"And you passed on the required message," Liam turned and shoved a pile of papers at Tommy.

Not breaking his glare, Tommy took them, "I hadn't finished my message. She's worried about the future of her job here and I wanted to tell her it was okay."

"She should be worried about the future of her job," Liam remarked as he walked around his desk and sat down in the plush leather chair behind it, "If I were Darius I'd have fired her."

Tommy rolled his eyes, "What are these?" He asked, motioning at the paper in his hands.

"Contract termination papers," Liam spoke as if he were speaking to a young child, "I told you that already."

"Yes, I got that but why are my contracts being terminated?"

Liam chuckled, "You really think you can break the unspoken rule of artist producer relationships – with a minor no less and get away scot free? You're being kept on a G-Major on a purely superficial basis for the sake of some publicity stunt Darius has decided to pull. I believe you suggested it," He rolled his eyes, as if that very fact doomed the plan to fail, "Darius no longer trusts you or wants you working with any of his other artists. You'll stay working with Jude until the completion of her current album and then…" He shrugged.

Tommy angrily scrawled his signature on the papers then threw them at Liam, his eyes locked on Liam's; communicating a message of utter loathing. The papers floated in the air then slowly wafted down to the desks surface, a couple falling on the floor. Liam met Tommy's glare through the falling sea of white.

Tommy turned and stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him.

**Teasers for Chapter 12: Truth**

"_What if you told him the truth?" She asked, her hand sliding down the glass and back to her lap._

"_The truth?" Tommy spluttered, "What are you, crazy?"_


	12. Chapter 12: Truth

**Chapter 12: Truth**

Jude rushed through the front doors of G-Major, shrugging off her jacket and getting it tangled in her necklace as she did so.

"Stop! Stand still for a second," Sadie remarked with an eye roll as she leapt out of her chair and raced round the reception desk to Jude, "You always do things in such a hurry."

Brushing a few loose strands out of her face Jude muttered, "Well, it's hard not to panic when you're about to get fired!"

With one last tug Sadie unhooked the jacket and turned to Jude, "What?"

Placing a hand on Sadie's arm and leading her to a small alcove where they wouldn't be overheard Jude whispered, "Darius knows."

Sadie's eyes widened, "About the?" Her eyes drifted down to Jude's stomach.

Grabbing her chin, Jude wrenched it up to her face, "Yes! About the…" She made a face.

"Oh, crap," Sadie whispered. "Um, ok," She nodded and placed her hands on Jude's shoulders, forcing her to look into her eyes, "Whatever happens you'll be ok, alright? You're strong, you're smart and you're talented… they'd be idiots to fire you and even if they did; no way it's the end of your career, okay?" She smiled and nodded happily but was rewarded with a heartbroken look from Jude. "Don't sulk. It's not cute," Sadie muttered. The phrase might as well have been their relationship catch phrase; she said it so much to Jude over the years. Jude smiled at the words and Sadie's expression brightened, "Thatagirl!"

"Jude!" The sisters glanced up to see Tommy making his way across the lobby toward them, "Darius is waiting."

"Right," Jude nodded at him then glanced at Sadie one last time. Impulsively she pulled her into a hug, "I love you," she whispered.

"Oh enough with the drama," Sadie muttered as they pulled away, "You're not getting beheaded or anything," She rolled her eyes then smiled, "And I love you too."

Jude walked over to the Tommy, the very picture of misery. He smiled reassuringly and loosely wrapped an arm around her back, "Chin up, girl. Its good news," was all he had time to say before they reached Darius' office.

---

"Take a seat Jude," Darius instructed as Jude and Tommy entered his office, "Tommy, get lost."

Glancing between Tommy and Darius quickly Jude spoke meekly; "Actually, I'd like it if he could stay." She sat down on the sofa and Tommy joined her without waiting for approval from Darius. Darius rolled his eyes but didn't protest. Tommy wrapped an arm around Jude's waist, pulling her a little closer to him and she glanced over questioningly, eyes wide. His eyes met hers and he shook his head slightly.

"Tommy and I have been talking," Darius began, "There's going to be a media frenzy no matter what we do but I'd rather put a positive spin on events. G-Major will not be terminating your contract."

Jude couldn't help but smile as she sat forward slightly.

"I'd like for your album to be released before you have the baby," Darius continued, "In the meantime we don't want you having any interaction with the media. Magazine interviews, talk show appearances, photo shoots – nothing. It's our intent to let Canada forget about Jude Harrison for a little while. I don't doubt that the story is going to get out somehow but if there's less interest in you we can prolong that." He flipped through some papers on his desk, "When you start to show we might move you out to a private studio in a more remote part of the country where you're less likely to be recognized. We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Jude nodded wordlessly.

"When word does get out we will be presenting you and Tommy as a happy and in love couple."

Jude's eyes widened at this revelation and she glanced at Tommy. He shrugged apologetically.

"You'll continue working with Tommy on your current album but I have terminated his other contracts with G-Major. You're currently his only artist."

Jude's eyes widened even more and she glanced between Tommy and Darius quickly, "Wait, because of me?"

"Because of what he did," Darius nodded.

"No!" Jude felt a chill run through her at the realization of the sacrifice Tommy was making. Her position at G-Major was almost unaffected and he was practically losing his job for something he didn't even do, "That's not fair! Look, Tommy isn't-"

She was cut off by Tommy placing a hand on her knee as he leaned over to urgently whisper in her ear, "Don't."

She shook her head and whispered to him, "This isn't fair to you. I won't do it." She turned back to Darius but Tommy's grip on her tightened, almost painfully.

"Jude, it's fine," He said firmly.

She turned back to him and searched his eyes as tears pooled in hers.

"Can I ask what's going on here?" Darius asked.

Unable to speak, Jude remained staring at Tommy. He broke the gaze and turned back to Darius, "Nothing, it's fine."

With a strangled sob that Darius didn't notice, Jude's eyes dropped to her lap.

Sighing, Darius continued speaking to Jude. "You'll be turning eighteen not long after you have the baby so we'll downplay the age thing. It is only four years after all so maybe Canada will be kind to us." He rubbed his forehead with one hand, "Have I forgotten something?" The question was more to himself then anyone else present in the room. "Don't go public with your relationship yet, okay? No more kissing in the park," He rolled his eyes. "I know you've been seeing each other since then but please just keep it to yourself…"

Jude nodded softly, a feeling of dread and strong guilt sitting in the pit of her stomach, "That won't be a problem. I really am so sorry about all this." The comment was directed to Tommy as much as Darius.

Darius raised a hand to stop her, "Don't. You're both still on thin ice at the moment. Like I always say; 'be good to Darius and he'll be good to you'. Don't mess up again and we'll be cool." The words seemed directed at Tommy more then Jude. "You can go," He waved his hand dismissively and they hurried from the room.

---

To say things returned to normal at G-Major would be sugarcoating the situation nicely. Jude felt uncomfortable and guilty whenever she walked into the building and even Tommy's normal nonchalant and cool exterior was a little shaky. Few at the company actually knew about Jude's pregnancy at that point. Darius figured it would be best for the minimum amount of people to know; thus minimizing the likelihood of word getting out. Obviously Liam knew, and Sadie, the public relations team and a few board members.

Jude, Kwest and Tommy had been listening to playback of Jude's latest song when Kwest left on coffee duty.

Jude looked up from picking at her nails the moment the door closed then glanced over at Tommy, "Have you told him?" She whispered.

He snickered, "Why are you whispering? The room isn't bugged or anything."

She shrugged, "Have you?"

"About-" He paused, grasping for the right words, "The baby, us… this thing?"

She tilted her head to the side, "The lie would cover it," She remarked with an eye roll.

"Right, that!" He flicked a few switches on the soundboard then pushed his chair back, putting his arms behind his head, "Kind of trying to find the right words at the moment."

Jude gazed at the transparent glass that separated them from the recording booth then slowly leaned forward and touched the cold surface.

Kwest was Tommy's best friend, he knew him better then anyone or at least better then anyone _she_ knew. How transparent would Tommy's lies be to Kwest's all knowing eye?

"What if you told him the truth?" She asked, her hand sliding down the glass and back to her lap.

"The truth?" Tommy spluttered, "What are you crazy?"

"It's perfectly logical," She remarked with a shrug, "He's your best friend. He'd keep the secret."

"I have a bad feeling about that," Tommy remarked with a shake of his head.

"But he's your best friend. He might see through it all and then where would you be? He'd know anyway and he'd be mad at you for lying to him. Besides, I like Kwest and I like the idea of someone out there – other then us – knowing the truth. It's kind of comforting."

Their conversation was cut short by Kwest's returning. He precariously balanced three cups in his arms as he handed Tommy a coffee and Jude a hot chocolate. "What's with the long faces?" He asked, "Did I miss something?"

"No," Tommy smiled and shook his head casually

Shooting him a desperate look when Kwest wasn't looking, Jude mouthed, 'Think about it. Please.'

Grudgingly he nodded before returning to the sound board.

---

It was two weeks untill Christmas and about a week since Darius had found out about Jude's pregnancy. Things were getting a little more normal at G-Major with the death glares from Liam dissipating to once daily. Darius pretty much avoided Tommy completely; an act that was both a relief and a concern. Tommy suspected Darius' reasons where for fear that he wouldn't be able to control himself; it was obvious he was still angry at him.

Perhaps it was the stress of the previous week or the sudden chill in the weather that had Tommy's immune system down but neither he nor Jude were surprised when he woke up on Monday morning with a severe cough and blocked sinuses.

Jude frowned to herself as she stirred a teaspoon through her hot chocolate and waited for the pot of coffee to brew. She could hear near constant coughing coming from Tommy's room which he hadn't emerged from. Retrieving the milk she poured some into a mug then poured in the dark coffee, watching mesmerized as the two liquids merged to make a softer brown color.

She padded softly down the hallway and tapped lightly on his bedroom door, "Tommy? I brought you a coffee."

Her response was a loud sneeze and she couldn't help but giggle slightly. She'd never seen Tommy sick, the very thought of him being vulnerable was so bizarrely removed from the man she knew that she had a trouble envisioning it.

There was a shuffling sound from the other side of the door and a moment later it swung open. Tommy stood in the doorway, a blanket loosely wrapped around his shoulders and his skin a shade or two more pale then normal – with the exception of his nose which was bright red.

"Ooh, you don't look so good," Jude blurted out before she could stop herself. Her eyes widened as she covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes communicating an apology.

"Nice, Jude," Tommy muttered sarcastically as he took the mug of coffee from her, "Thanks," He nodded slightly.

She nodded and returned to the kitchen to retrieve her hot chocolate. As she made her way back to her bedroom she found Tommy standing in the door of the bathroom, the blanket was now slipping and falling to the floor as he stood hunched over and shivering. She reached up to wrap the blanket back round his shoulders again.

"I wish I had a bathtub," He muttered hoarsely as he surveyed the bathroom, "A hot bath sounds so good right now."

"That's the thing with apartments;" Jude pointed out, "limited space. I mean you don't even have a laundry."

He smiled as he turned down the hallway to return to his room, "That's what laundry service is for. I've never done laundry in my life."

Jude shrugged, "Me either, Mom always did it for me."

He laughed, though it came out as more of a cackling cough, "We should go to laundry classes together!"

She rolled her eyes.

"But you're right. I should get a bigger place. I'd like an office and then we need a room for the nursery," He pushed open the door to his room and collapsed on his bed.

Jude stood frozen in the doorway at his words then shook her head and brushed it off. She paused, resting her head against the doorframe, "Tom, I'm-"

"An angel?" He asked, lifting his head and tilting it to the side as he looked at her – the light from the hallway silhouetting her in a breathtaking manner.

She smiled and shook her head, "Not even close."

"Hmmm. Graceful, sweet, innocent, pretty, perfect?" He leaned back against the pillow, his eyes closed.

She frowned, perplexed, "What'd they put in your medication?" She murmured, more to her self then him, "I meant I'm sorry about everything at G-major, about you losing your other artists." She remarked softly.

"Not your fault," was the muffled answer as he pulled the blanket up around his face.

"No," she looked down at the floor, shifting her weight from one foot the other, "It kind of is…"

He shrugged, though from her position Jude couldn't see the action, "I needed a change anyway."

"Practically losing your job doesn't seem like the nice kind…" She whispered.

"I get bored easily, I was getting bored at G-Major," He lifted a hand and motioned for her to come closer, "Come, sit down, you don't have to stand there all day."

Jude slowly walked over, wondering where she was supposed to sit before finally perching on the edge of the bed.

"What would you have done if _this_ hadn't come up?" She asked softly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer, "Would you have left?"

He yawned, "I'm not sure," He sat up, propping his pillow against the wall and reaching for the mug of coffee on the bed stand and taking a sip.

Jude repositioned, feeling awkward about sitting on the bed next to him. There were a thousand questions swirling around in her mind, all inquiries she wished to make but didn't dare. She wanted to ask about the future, about where their façade of family would end. She had only recently became aware of how entwined their futures were becoming; for reasons neither of them anticipated or planned – or where even real. What would happen after the baby was born? Would they play happy families for a lifetime or was there a point where they'd come out and tell everyone the truth then part ways?

"What's on your mind, girl?" Tommy asked, raising and eyebrow enquiringly.

She shrugged, "What's not?" Glancing down she ran her finger around the rim of her mug, staring into the murky depths of liquid.

"Hey?" He reached over, lifting her chin with his index finger, "The weight of the world isn't on your shoulders."

Her eyes where shining with unshed tears as she met his; eyes that were full of compassion and something she couldn't quite place with certainty – it almost seemed like affection, "It certainly feels like it," She admitted.

He tore his eyes from hers and covered his mouth with a hand as he broke into a flurry of coughs. "You know what the bright side of this is?" He asked when the coughs finally subsided. She shrugged in response. "Without a sick producer you get the day off. So what are you going to do with it?"

She smiled as she stood to her feet, "Look after you of course. Now, how does chicken soup sound for breakfast?"

Tommy smiled to himself as she slid down under the covers after she'd departed. He couldn't remember the last time someone had looked after him when he was ill. He couldn't even remember the last time someone had _cared_ when he was ill, at least when it didn't affect a concert, recording session or talk show appearance. Though he didn't truly believe it he liked to think – for a moment at least – that maybe Jude actually cared… not just that he was sick, but about him.

---

**Teasers for Chapter 13: Christmas**

_Sadie smiled mischievously and Jude felt the familiar chill run down her spine, the one that always followed when she spotted that look in her sister's eye._

_---_

_His hand slowly ran down her arm, savoring the warm softness of her skin beneath his fingertips. He wrapped his fingers around hers in the lightest of touches as his lips softly caressed hers – not demanding, not taking, just giving. It was all a very knew experience to Thomas Quincy._


	13. Chapter 13: Christmas

Okay y'all. Happy Valentines and all that. Please comment! I'm really craving some substantial comments at the moment so let me know if there was a particular line that made you smile or anything like that. And of course, if it sucked please let me know. Constructive Criticism is appreciated.

**Chapter 13: Christmas**

Jude sat on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chest and a notepad resting on top as she scribbled down song lyrics. It was two in the afternoon and Tommy had been asleep since midday. Thinking she'd heard a sound from his room she listened intently, slowly putting the notepad on the coffee table and getting to her feet.

"Tommy?" She whispered as she tapped lightly on his bedroom door. Hearing no response she pushed the door open softly then peered around it. Seeing no movement from the bed she was about to leave when she noticed the now empty bowl from the chicken soup, perched precariously on the edge of the bedside table. Tiptoeing ever so quietly, as if she were treading on eggshells, she made her way across the room and retrieved the bowl.

Glancing to her left she paused a moment to watch Tommy. In the course of the day she'd seen an entirely different side to the cool, intense and distant man she'd once known. She was once again struck with how angelic and peaceful he appeared as he slept. He was lying on his back, the blanket resting just below his shoulders and one arm slung haphazardly above his head. He shivered as she stood there and she leaned down and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders, tucking it in and smiling to herself before slipping from the room.

As the door quietly clicked shut behind her, Tommy's eyes fluttered open and he smiled sleepily as he rolled over.

---

"Have you talked to Kwest yet?" Jude asked the next day as Tommy set up a track and she positioned her headphones as she stood in front of the microphone.

"No, Jude," He responded with an impatient sigh. He coughed softly, trying to stifle the sound with his hand and quickly flicking the switch to turn off the intercom.

Placing one disapproving hand on her hip Jude glared through the glass at him. He opted to spin his chair around and work on something on the other side of the room.

"You should have taken another day of work you know?" She said into the microphone, rolling her eyes.

"Being sick is boring." He responded with a shrug.

She nodded, tilting her head to the side and frowning, "I hear being dead is too."

He spun his chair back around, a confident smile gracing his features, "I'm not going anywhere girl."

"You know what my theory is?" Jude asked, just as Kwest entered the sound booth. "You're a workaholic."

"Can I get an Amen?" Kwest remarked with a snicker as he sat down across from Tommy.

"Mum, Dad," Tommy nodded at Jude then Kwest, "Can we just record this song and stop with the nagging Tommy party for five minutes?"

Jude frowned skeptically, "Can we resume it after?"

Kwest nodded emphatically, "I'm with her. Nagging Tommy parties are the best."

Tommy rolled his eyes as he pressed play and guitar led music filled the air, drowning out his friend's laughter.

---

Tommy watched Jude's departing figure as she walked home. Leaning against his Viper parked out front of G-Major he smiled at the change that he'd noticed in Jude over the last couple of weeks. There was a little more confidence in her step; she held her head a little higher. Granted she still didn't meet people's eyes anymore as she walked down the street or smile as much or the same way as she used to but she was doing better.

Once she was out of sight he turned to his car, pressing the unlock button on his key and swinging open the driver door as soon as the car lights flashed in response. He pulled the car out into traffic and drove toward the Mall.

Tommy wasn't the shopping type. Mall's made him feel claustrophobic, yet he'd found himself visiting this very mall twice in the last month; both times because of Jude.

He wandered blindly through aisles full of tinsel, bows and barrages of red and green, picking out items here and there and loading them into his cart. By the time he reached the checkout counter the cart was completely full and he was wondering if he'd perhaps over done it. All thoughts of excessiveness slipped his mind, however, as the checkout girl's eyes widened with recognition and she squealed excitedly and asked him to sign the paycheck she'd received that day. He smiled to himself as he scribbled his signature.

"I'm never ever banking it," The girl remarked excitedly as she hugged the check to her chest.

He nodded and smiled as he loaded his bags into his cart, wondering if an autograph was really worth a week's paycheck.

He was about to exit the store when he stopped by a perfume display as a soft scent of roses and vanilla assailed his senses. Somehow the scent made him think of Jude; sweet and soft. He deliberated the appropriateness of purchasing a gift before tossing caution to the wind and requesting a wrapped gift set.

He fished his cell phone out of his pocket, as he wheeled his cart full of shopping bags to his car, and dialed Sadie's number, "Hey, Sadie? It's Tommy. Look, I need a favor…"

---

"Sadie, I don't know that I'm really up to Christmas shopping," Jude murmured as Sadie pulled up in front of a gift store.

"Oh, come on!" Sadie replied cheerfully as she climbed out of the car and locked the door. "You haven't celebrated not losing your job yet and what better way then shopping?"

"You're the one who loves shopping remember?" Jude muttered as she trudged after her sister.

Sadie rolled her eyes and wrapped an arm around Jude's neck, "Stop with the moping already! You should be blissfully happy right now."

"Why?" Jude's response was skeptical.

Sadie ticked the items off on her fingers, "You didn't lose your job, Little Tommy Q is head over heels in love with you and it's Christmas; your favorite time of the year."

Jude sighed, "I don't think I'm going to be celebrating Christmas this year. At least not with the super huge decorations and everything," Tears pooled in her eyes, "Remember how we'd all decorate the Christmas tree a week before Christmas - You, me, Mom and Dad?"

Sadie shook her head, "Just because our parents are being loser's doesn't mean we can't enjoy Christmas." Her eyes lit up and she hopped up and down excitedly, "I just had the greatest idea! We should have a dinner party!"

Jude stopped walking and turned to face her, "A what?"

"A dinner party!" Sadie responded excitedly, "At you and Tommy's place on Christmas Eve. You and I can make a killer Christmas meal and we could even get Tommy to invite Kwest," She winked and poked Jude, "You and Tommy could play matchmaker's, you know, if for some reason the idea occurred to you."

Jude smiled, "You like Kwest?"

"Sshh, not so loud! There's Paparazzi everywhere just waiting for the latest dish on me," Sadie joked, "But seriously, I think we should do the dinner. It'll be fun and we can make our own Christmas traditions, after all you have a new family now – you, Tommy and the baby. This one's just so genetically set up to rock more then the previous.'

Jude tried to smile as Sadie continued excitedly babbling about their dinner plans. She knew Sadie's words were intended to be comforting but considering the factors Sadie didn't know they only served to make her feel worse. So her family had ditched her and she had this great new one? It was all an act and she was so scared of when the act would fizzle out, when the scene would end. Then where would she be?

---

Sadie walked to the door of Tommy's apartment then departed with a knowing smile. Jude shrugged it off, putting it down to her sister's common bizarre behavior.

She gasped as she walked into the room. It was lit in a cozy shade of red, the result of the tiny lights that covered the roof. In a corner sat a tall tree that narrowly avoided brushing the roof, a little angel on top bobbing slightly as it glowed but other then that there were no decorations on the tree. From the delicious aroma of pines, Jude could tell the tree was real.

"Seriously?" She murmured as she discovered a plate of freshly baked, still steaming cookies on the coffee table. She was smiling, goofily when Tommy re-entered the room. He was wearing a plain black apron and drying his hands on the dish towel.

"You did this?" Jude asked incredulously. He shrugged, smiling slightly, "I thought a big cheesy Christmas might be exactly what you needed."

Jude tried to stop smiling as she reached for a cookie and tossed it from one hand to another so it wouldn't burn her as it cooled, "You baked?"

He shrugged, "I followed a recipe very religiously. All apologies if they're terrible."

"I'm sure they'll be wonderful," She took a bite and was pleasantly surprised to find it perfect, "Delicious!" She assured him. The relief on his face was evident. "So why isn't the tree decorated?" She asked, motioning to the near naked tree.

He shrugged, "I wasn't sure if you were the type who liked to decorate the tree herself."

Jude nodded, her eyes suddenly sad, "It was always a big family thing at home. We'd do it together."

Noticing the sadness in her eyes, Tommy regretted an action that had caused her pain, "Maybe we could do it together?" He asked tentatively, he shrugged again, "I don't know, maybe we could invite Sadie over too… or something."

Jude smiled at his effort and nodded softly, "That would be nice."

"So, since you seem to be embracing the whole Christmas thing, what do you think about having a dinner party on Christmas Eve? We could invite Sadie and Kwest over."

"Okay," He scratched his head, "I've decided to talk to Kwest about everything tomorrow."

"I'm glad," Impulsively she walked over and hugged him, wrapping his arms around his upper back she whispered in his ear, not aware of the fact that her breath tickled his skin teasingly, "Thank-you for this, I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome," He looked into her eyes as they pulled away, his hand sliding from her back to her waist as she pulled away, "Merry Christmas, Jude."

---

Tommy nervously tapped his index finger against his glass of beer as he once again glanced at the street outside the pub, searching for Kwest. Finally he spotted his friend meandering through the crowd and waved to get his attention.

"Brr. Its cold out." Kwest observed as he slid into the bar stool next to Tommy. They were seated at the back of the room, where they'd get the most privacy for the awkward conversation ahead. Tommy handed him a beer he'd ordered for him earlier and Kwest frowned. "Since when are you so thoughtful?" He asked skeptically but his lips were curling into a smile.

"I'm always thoughtful," Tommy remarked dryly, "You just never notice."

"Right," Kwest nodded sarcastically as he took a sip of beer.

"So, I need to talk to you about something," Tommy blurted out, "and it's pretty big. Could we do that thing where you promise not to interrupt and swear you won't yell at me?"

"Have we ever done that successfully?"

"No, I don't think we have."

"Then sure, let's do that!" He slapped Tommy on the back and grinned, "So what's all this about?"

"Jude." At his words Kwest nodded knowingly. "Don't do that!" Tommy sighed, "I hate it when you do that."

Kwest raised his hands submissively, "Continue."

"So you know how Darius has been really mad at me this week?"

"More so then normal?"

Tommy nodded then paused, "I don't even know where to start on this…" Kwest remained silent and eventually Tommy continued, "Jude's pregnant and before you say anything-" He noticed the look in Kwest's eyes, "I'm _not_ the father."

Kwest nodded slowly, "Okay, where's this going?"

"Darius thinks I am."

"Why does he think that?"

"Because I told him."

"Fantastic, Tommy!"

Raising a hand Tommy pointed out, "You agreed not to yell 'till after. Look, Jude's pregnant. She went to a party and drank to much or something and she doesn't remember what happened or who the father is. When she told her parents they kicked her out so she's staying with me at the moment. Don't look at me like that! I offered to say the kid was mine. Come on, Kwest! She can't do it on her own."

"You're _not_ the father though Tommy and you're four years older then she is! She's seventeen! Do you know what the media are going to say about this?"

"I don't care. Jude needs me."

Kwest gazed at him and eventually Tommy had to look away. "I think this is a load of crap," Kwest finally remarked calmly.

Tommy turned back to him, anger glimmering in his eyes, "And why is that?"

"We both know this isn't about _helping_ Jude. Since when do you care what happens to her?"

Tommy leaned closer to him, almost threateningly, "Aren't you always the one psychoanalyzing me and saying I do?"

"I don't get it, Tommy. Is this about-"

"Don't even say it!" Tommy's eyes were flashing with anger now and knowing the signs Kwest backed down a little.

"So you're going to raise the baby with Jude?"

"We haven't gotten that far yet."

"Typical."

"One day at a time, Kwest. You're always telling me that."

"This isn't what I meant." Kwest's eyes pleaded with him to understand.

Tommy was resolute, "I have to do this."

---

Jude could see the tension in Tommy when he returned from meeting with Kwest. She brought him a coffee as he sat in front of the blank TV set, staring blankly into space. "How did it go?" She asked softly.

"No worse then I was expecting."

She sat down across from him in the oversized recliner, "I could cancel Sadie coming over tonight. We can decorate the tree some other time. It's still nearly two weeks until Christmas."

He shook his head, "Its fine. I need something to take my mind of things anyway. I think I might go have a shower before she gets here."

Jude nodded and watched as he left the room. Leaning back in her chair she curled her feet up beneath her and sipped at her hot chocolate, gazing at the blank Christmas tree in the corner of the room.

---

Hearing a knock at the door Jude turned off the stem of water into the kitchen sink and dried off her hands on a dish towel. She was tempted to call for whoever it was to just come in but considering the last time she and Tommy had been careless, she knew better. Peering through the peephole she spotted her sister's familiar blond hair and smiled as she swung the door open.

"Hi Sades," She wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug, "I'm glad you came."

Sadie smirked, "I remember when you were seven and your biggest wish was that your big sister would vanish into thin air so you'd get twice as many presents each Christmas."

Jude smiled, "Yes, but that was ten years ago. I'm so _over_ Christmas presents." Spotting a red package with a green bow in Sadie's hands, her eyes widened, "Is that for me?"

Sadie laughed and handed the parcel over, "Right. You're over presents. I'm really seeing that. Where's Tommy?"

"In the shower," Jude responded absentmindedly as she shook the box softly and listened to hear if it rattled.

Sadie rolled her eyes and took the box from Jude's hands, "Not till Christmas day and besides its not just for you, its for you and Tommy." She placed the box under the Christmas tree then glanced around with feigned casualness, "So... a hot drink sounds nice right about now."

Jude smiled, "What can I get you?"

When she returned from the kitchen with Sadie's Coke a few minutes later she found her sister straightening her hair and trying to look unsuspicious. Jude raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.

Tommy emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later with hair that was still damp, "Hi Sadie," He gave her a quick hug then motioned in the direction of his room, "I'm just going to go dry my hair."

Sadie smiled mischievously and Jude felt the familiar chill run down her spine, the one that always followed when she spotted that look in her sister's eye.

"Tommy," Sadie called as Tommy turned to depart, 'Wait."

Tommy paused and glanced at her inquisitively.

She pointed above the two of them, "You're under the mistletoe."

Glancing up they both spotted the green object directly above their heads. Jude frowned; it hadn't been there a moment before. Tommy certainly hadn't put it there.

Tommy glanced at Jude as she slowly lowered her eyes to meet his. They both knew they had to go through with the kiss, anything less would incite a high level of curiosity in Sadie and it just wasn't worth the risk.

Tommy took another step closer to Jude and reached out to pull her toward him, following her lead he closed his eyes just as their lips met, for once not caring about the perceived cheesiness of the action.

The kiss wasn't like the one they'd shared at the park which had been full of passion and longing – creating an image they needed the public to believe. He kissed her softly, gently, tenderly and the action was strange for him but something he felt he needed to do. He wasn't normally a soft kisser but something about Jude demanded it, something about him and Jude _created_ it. It wasn't just that he felt he needed to kiss her softly, gently, tenderly but that was how a kiss with Jude was – how it should be. Somehow he knew that in the pit of his stomach, or was it his heart?

His hand slowly ran down her arm, savoring the warm softness of her skin beneath his fingertips. He wrapped his fingers around hers in the lightest of touches as his lips softly caressed hers – not demanding, not taking, just giving. It was all a very knew experience to Thomas Quincy.

It had only been a couple of seconds but as he pulled away he felt as if it had been minutes; long minutes, _significant_ minutes, even life changing. His eyes flickered over Jude's nervously but he couldn't read her. A blush rose on her cheeks and she ducked her head. He was snapped out of his daze by loud clapping from Sadie.

"That was the cutest thing ever!" She chorused happily, a smile plastered over her face. "You guys are seriously adorable."

---

**Teasers for Chapter 14**

"_Well this is fun," Jude muttered. They were now so close she was pretty much standing on his toes. _

"_It is," He stopped trying to reach for the scissors and glanced down at her. Their eyes met and they gazed at each other for a moment._

_---_

_She nodded knowingly, a tormenting smile playing on her lips, "I get it. You're frustrated. You have all this musical tension bottled up and not the normal amount of victims to take it out on."_

"_Fine, whatever. Forgive me but my only option for relieving musical tension is you," The remark was sarcastic and dismissive._


	14. Chapter 14: Dreams

**Chapter 14: Dreams**

Sadie had tired of decorating the tree personally and was now seated comfortably on a recliner and giving instructions to Jude and Tommy, "I think that star would look better on the right, Tom," She called.

Shooting a frustrated look at Jude, out of sight of Sadie, Tommy rolled his eyes, "Is she always like this?" He whispered.

Jude smiled, "Worse." She responded, "Welcome to my world." She readjusted a silver bell and scooped up a long string of tinsel, "Could you hang this?" She asked, "I can't reach the top of the tree."

Tommy nodded and began wrapping the tinsel around the tree, starting at the top. Jude was concentrating on adjusting a red bow to hang evenly near the middle of the tree and neither noticed when the tinsel somehow became tangled in the chain she was wearing as a belt, when they finally did notice Jude was trapped less then a foot from the tree and moving would jeopardize the security of the tree and send it toppling over.

Sadie watched with interest as the two noticed the predicament. "Oh, I'm sorry," Tommy muttered as he tried to yank the tinsel free of Jude's belt, the action only served to tug her closer to him and they both blushed at the newfound proximity. "Oh, it's really stuck," Tommy muttered.

"Yeah," Jude leaned down and tried to disentangle the tinsel from her belt but it wouldn't budge.

Sadie covered her mouth with her hands and tried to bite back a giggle as she watched the scene playing in front of her. Tommy had moved to try to get past Jude and reach for a nearby pair of scissors but had only managed to get the tinsel wrapped around him too. They were both so close that there was barely an inch separating them. The only thing Sadie didn't understand was why they were both acting so embarrassed about the situation. For her it would have served as a great opportunity to steal a hug and kiss from her boyfriend but she'd never seen either Tommy or Jude act so shy.

"I still might be able to reach the scissors," Tommy was saying as he tried to lean around Jude and reach for them. His chin was on her shoulder as his fingers vainly grasped for the scissors.

"Not working?" Jude asked, her eyes skyward.

"Nope," Tommy responded. He tried to move away, knowing the fact that he was so close was making Jude uncomfortable but the motion caused the tree to tip slightly. He quickly reached out and steadied it.

"Well this is fun," Jude muttered. They were now so close she was pretty much standing on his toes.

"It is," He stopped trying to reach for the scissors and glanced down at her. Their eyes met and they gazed at each other for a moment.

"I think Jude was being sarcastic," Sadie pointed out.

Glancing up and realizing she was present in the room for the first time, Tommy blushed, "So was I," He explained though the slight reddening of his features told a different story.

"Sister dear; do you think maybe you could help us out?" Jude asked plaintively.

Sadie leapt from the chair, "Sure. I'll go get some scissors. In the bathroom right?" Before anyone could respond she bounded from the room.

"No! Sadie!" Jude called after her, "There's some right here!" She listened for a moment and but didn't hear Sadie's returning footsteps. "She can't here us can she?" She asked.

Tommy shook his head, "I don't think so."

Chewing on her lips Jude asked tentatively, "_Are_ there scissors in the bathroom?" He shook his head in response. "Great. She'll search every inch of the shelves before she gives up." Sighing she leaned forward and rested her forehead against Tommy's chest, stifling a yawn.

Tommy smiled to himself as he loosely wrapped an arm around her.

After a few awkward moments Jude spoke up to break the silence, "Was decorating the tree a big thing for your family when you were growing up?"

With her forehead against his chest, Jude didn't notice the expression that flittered over Tommy's features, "When I was really young." He responded briefly.

"So what's your favorite Christmas memory?" She asked, still hoping for a conversation to distract from the situation.

"Um, I don't know," He glanced over his shoulder again. "Do you think Sadie will be much longer?"

Lifting her head, Jude glanced up at him. Something didn't seem right, maybe it was the fact that she'd felt him stiffen when she started talking about past Christmases, or perhaps the slight change in his voice, "Is everything okay?"

He smiled down at her, "Everything's fine," He responded.

Sadie returned a moment later. Spotting the scissors near the tree she gasped in surprise, "I didn't even see them!" She remarked slyly, "Here, let me help you guys."

---

Tommy and Jude were locked in a death stare as they gazed at one another in the Studio a few days later, now a week until Christmas. They were both seated in front of the sound board, glaring at the other and waiting for them to back down. When artistic temperaments had begun to flair, Kwest had quickly departed from the room, leaving the two locked in a battle of equally stubborn wills.

"Just redo that last bridge," Tommy said for what felt like the fiftieth time.

Jude shook her head, "Its fine the way it is! That's how I hear it in my head, it's how I wrote it, it's how I _like_ it."

"You _sound_ like a dying cat," His remark was cool, his eyes still on hers.

Determined not to show how much the remark had stung; she shrugged nonchalantly, "Maybe dying cat was what I was going for."

Letting out an intelligible angry utterance, he threw his hands in the air and spun his chair around to face the soundboard, clicking a button to replay the bridge in question for her again. She chewed on her bottom lip and listened intently. Feeling a sinking feeling in her stomach she finally realized Tommy was right but all the same she was determined not to back down.

"Can't you go pester some other artist for awhile and leave me to work on the song on my own for a bit?" She asked hopefully.

He shook his head grimly, "Darius fired me from all my other artists. You're it, girl."

She nodded knowingly, a tormenting smile playing on her lips, "I get it. You're frustrated. You have all this musical tension bottled up and not the normal amount of victims to take it out on."

"Fine, whatever. Forgive me but my only option for relieving _musical tension_ is you," The remark was sarcastic and dismissive.

She rolled her eyes, "Actually it's more like you need to go psycho control freak on someone. You really like bossing people around don't you?" She tilted her head questioningly.

His shrugged, smiling slightly, "Actually… yeah, I do."

She rolled her eyes again and spun her chair around to hide the smile she couldn't keep off her face.

"You know," He continued, "You should try it sometime. It's a real rush."

Turning to face him again she shrugged, "I would, but unfortunately Tommy, I was born the younger sister. I'm sadly lacking in people to boss around, yell at, direct and generally infuriate and annoy." She shook her head sadly.

Tommy's smirk returned, "I don't know, you can boss me around anytime."

"Careful; I'll hold you to that," She commented with a chuckle she was unable to hold in.

Unperturbed, he continued, "I mean, you already 'generally infuriate and annoy me'," He drew quotation marks in the air as he quoted her words, "So what's the difference?"

She folded her arms crossly, "I do not," was her overly general response.

He leaned back in his chair and mimicked her pose; crossing his arms over his chest then leaning back in the chair, smiling angelically.

After a moments pause Jude spoke up, "Hey, aren't we supposed to be fighting?"

He chuckled to himself then adopted a mock stern voice, "Jude, get into that sound booth and redo that bridge!" He paused for a moment, searching for a satisfactory ending, "…or else!"

Laughing she stood to her feet and started for the door. She glanced over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at him, remarking cheekily, "Bite me!"

Grabbing a pen from the soundboard he threw it after her but was a moment too late. The pen connected with the closing door and clattered to the floor helplessly as Jude's laughter floated back to him.

---

Jude paused outside a department store, gazing at window displays of children tearing open Christmas presents as their parents sat in front of a cozy roaring fireplace and watched happily. She chewed on her bottom lip as she dug her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket and entered the store. He mission was to purchase a gift for Tommy but then she had no idea what to buy for the guy who seemingly had everything.

She wandered aimlessly from aisle to aisle; everything from kitchen appliances to furniture. Nothing caught her imagination. Tommy just didn't strike her as the materialistic type. She felt if there was something he wanted, that she could give, it wouldn't be a gift wrapped in colorful paper but something… something else. Forgetting expensive and luxurious she instead tried assessing practicality. She could buy him a washing machine but she didn't have access to that type or money, there was no way she could go and ask her father to co-sign for something like that from her music money.

Eventually a smile played on her face as she ventured inside a confectionary store.

"Hi," A perky young sale attendant greeted her, "What can I get you?"

"A lifetime supply of red licorice, please." Jude smiled sweetly. The sales girl grew pail and feeling sympathy for her, Jude offered, "Or, like, a big box would do?"

The girl nodded, "We might have something like that in the store room. I'll check with the manager."

---

"So what do you want for Christmas this year?" Kwest asked, as he and Tommy were finishing up a late night mixing session at G-Major. Tommy shrugged half-heartedly and Kwest smirked. "What, no red sports car or luxury surround system? You're the guy who wants it all Tommy. Everything money can buy as if you're proving a point or something."

Spinning his chair slightly as he waited for a file to transfer, Tommy shrugged again, "Maybe I've grown out of that."

"About time," Kwest muttered.

"It doesn't work," There was something distant about his voice as he spoke, as if his mind weren't present in that room, "Things don't really fill the gap. I'm seeing that now."

Kwest leaned forward, peering at his friend, "So what _does_ fill the gap?"

Shaking his head slightly, Tommy typed in a few numbers on the computer, "I don't know."

Leaning back Kwest smirked again, "You're getting placid in your old age, man."

Tommy's eyebrows rose as he chuckled, "Placid, Kwest? Seriously?"

"Well maybe not placid but something's different. You're not the same reckless, self destructive, live for the moment guy you where a year ago."

"I want more," Tommy admitted, "I've decided that."

"More than countless one night stands and a sky rocketing career?"

Tommy nodded, "Yeah, more then that."

---

Christmas Eve rolled around. A few days prior Jude had ordered flowers and sent them with a card to her parents. The message in the note was simple: "Merry Christmas. I love you. – Jude" and she'd dared to hope for some equally small gesture in return. But by the morning of Christmas Eve nothing had arrived. Jude woke up to sunlight streaming in through the crack between her curtains and the sound of Christmas music playing from the living room. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and unconsciously her hand slipped to her stomach as she blinked back disappointed tears; her first Christmas without her family.

As she climbed out of bed and slipped on a cozy pair of pink slippers she determined to put on a brave face; smile on the outside and it might just sink into the inside too. She slipped on a nightgown and tied the sash around her waist.

"Merry Christmas Rock Star," Tommy smiled charmingly as he met her at the door to the kitchen with a bowl of her favorite cereal in one hand and a glass of hot chocolate with extra marshmallow in the other.

Jude smiled as she accepted him, "You're the sweetest," She murmured shyly.

"Its nothing," He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek quickly before slipping from the room, "I'm going to run down to the store and get a few last minute supplies," Suddenly he reappeared in the doorway with an envelope in hand. His expression had changed and Jude noticed as she glanced up at him, "This arrived for you," He handed her the envelope with a quick smile then left.

The envelope was a plain white with no address, just 'Jude Harrison' printed on it. Jude guessed it must have been personally delivered by a messenger or left at the door. She recognized the familiar, prim, cursive handwriting of her mother and her hands shook as she tore open the envelope. Inside was a card with the text 'Merry Christmas' and a picture of a Christmas tree. Inside was a store printed message 'Merry Christmas and a happy new year' and beneath that her mothers handwriting once again 'Nothing is ever simple but today of all days, please know that I love you.'

Jude didn't even notice as the card slipped from her hands and wafted down to the linoleum covered floor. She rested her head against the cool surface of the kitchen table and inhaled slow, deep breaths. She didn't cry; something that surprised her even then. She was sick of tears and self pity and unresolved issues.

It was the last week of the year; in the year to come she would turn eighteen years old – her own person, prepared to face the world on her own. In the year to come she would become a mother and make decisions that would forever affect the life of another person.

For the year to come; she was going to be strong.

---

Brushing aside the dust that had accumulated from lack of use, Tommy had started a fire in the old open fireplace located in the corner of his lounge. Jude had clapped with delight when she'd seen it, pointing out she'd never even noticed the fireplace was there.

The light from the fire bathed the room in a cozy, warm light that seemed entirely appropriate for Christmas Eve and with the multi colored lights on the Christmas tree blinking, one could have sworn they'd walked into a Christmas wonderland.

Kwest and Sadie were due to arrive for the Christmas Eve meal in half an hour and Jude had been busy preparing since early that morning. She'd roped a grudging Tommy into assisting in what little capacity his small knowledge of cooking allowed. An ability to toast bread and boil an egg wasn't exactly what Jude had been in need of.

"Can't you just sit down for a minute?" Tommy asked as he laid out knives and forks on the table.

Jude frowned, peering through into the oven at the nearly cooked Turkey. "Why would I need to sit down?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder at him briefly before poking at the potatoes.

"Because of your delicate condition," He commented with a smirk.

Not having seen his expression, Jude whirled around, a look of pure outrage on her face, "I'm pregnant, not dying! And being a more capable and superior species; a woman can do twice as much as a man – with or without a child growing in their stomach so really shouldn't you be the one sitting down?" She frowned, realizing how silly her words had sounded when it was too late to take them back.

Tommy grinned, "What are we in seventh grade? I thought that whole 'girls are better then boys' or vice versa argument died out years ago."

Jude blushed as she turned back to the oven. She stifled a yawn and shrugged, "Maybe I will go sit down for awhile," She smiled, thinking of the cozy atmosphere in the next room with the fireplace and newly lit Christmas tree, "By the fireplace," She said dreamily.

---

_Jude was curled up on the loveseat next to the fire, stretching and savoring the warmth from the fire place soaking into her skin. She readjusted the cushion she was using as a pillow and pulled the knee rug up around her waist when an unusual noise from the next room surprised her. _

_Frowning, she sat up and glanced about her. In the corner of the room sat the Christmas tree she and Tommy – with little help from Sadie, had decorated a few weeks back. But something looked different. Jude frowned as she noticed the vast array of presents sitting under it. Since when had Tommy put that many presents under there? She tilted her head to the side, eyeing the large, unusually shaped package at the back. Was that a bicycle?_

_She continued surveying the room and jumped in surprise when she noticed a small blonde girl playing with a doll in front of the fireplace. "Where did you come from?" She whispered. _

_The little girl looked up from her doll, her big blue eyes meeting Jude's and causing her to gasp. She knew this girl…_

"_I've been here all night, Mom," The girl said with a slight role of her eyes. She resumed brushing her dolls hair and Jude turned away, slowly standing from the sofa and not noticing as her rug fell to the floor. _

"_Momma!" A young, high pitched voice cried as the owner of the voice hurtled down the corridor and into view. Jude barely had time to brace herself before the little brunette boy of about two darted over and wrapped his arms around her ankles. _

"_Who are you?" Jude whispered. _

_The child looked up at her, his chin resting against her leg. His big brown eyes gazed up at hers, "Momma!" He cried again, tugging on the fabric of her jeans, pleading for her to pick him up. _

_Jude was shaking as she leaned down and scooped up the small body, automatically placing him on her hip without once taking her eyes off of him. He glanced at her again before snuggling his head into her shoulder. Something about his nose reminded her of her mother and the shape his mouth tugged on her memory too. She couldn't place who he reminded her of. _

_She'd been so busy staring at the little boy and in turn the older girl by the fire that Jude didn't notice when another person entered the room. _

"_Daddy!" The girl by the fire cried happily as she leapt to her feet, her doll falling to the floor where it lay neglected and forgotten, "You're home!"_

_Jude spun around, desperate to see the man her baby called Daddy. "Jude?" The man was speaking to her as she spun to face him. Her vision was distorting and with it the voice; It was warbled and sounded as if it had been put through a synthesizer. She struggled to recognize it._

"Jude, Jude? Wake up!" An insistent voice was invading Jude's dream and she shook her head, trying to block it out. She tried vainly to hold onto the feeling of the little boy in her arms, the sight of her daughter, the baby currently growing inside her, running to her father. She tried to make out the man's face but all she could see was a dim form, silhouetted by light as the dream slowly faded to white.

"Jude!" Tommy repeated, "Sadie and Kwest are going to be here any minute!" He ran a hand through her hair and she finally woke up, looking around her blearily.

"Where are the kids?" She asked, putting a hand to her head and glancing around.

He stood up and offered her a hand. "I think you were dreaming."

"That was so weird." She murmured to herself.

"What was?"

She glanced up at him and really looked at him, searchingly, then shook her head, smiling softly, "Nothing."

---

**Teasers for Chapter 15**

_"It's complicated," Kwest remarked, "But you're Jude and he's Tommy and that's most of it" _

_Jude frowned, "What does that mean?"_

_---_

_She laughed slightly, "When you're expecting the guy from Scream with a pitchfork, you're no disappointment Quincy, believe me." _

_She turned back to the window and he was left wanting to ask; 'And in other situations? Am I disappointment then? _


	15. Chapter 15: Photograph

_A/N: I'm really happy to be able to include the New Years Eve scene at the end of this chapter as I actually wrote it all the way back on New Years Day and have been waiting for the right time for it._

_Please Review! There's tons of fluff so please let me know which bit you enjoyed the most (IE: The dinner scene, the dancing scene, gift opening etc..). Feel free to quote a favorite paragraph or line or two. I love knowing what lines are most enjoyed. (I also find it very inspiring for writing new chapters. Um, hint, hint. Nudge, nudge...) _

---

**Chapter 15: Photograph**

Tommy picked aimlessly at his plate of food, stirring the peas and mashed potatoes together as he watched Sadie and Kwest flirting shamelessly. His eyes flickered over Jude who was sitting beside him, lost in thought as she went through the motions of eating. He sighed, stabbing into a slice of Turkey with a little more force then he'd intended. He shot a furtive glance at the clock. In a few hours it would be Christmas.

Jude glanced over at him, noticing the dark frown on his forehead and the repeated stabbings at the food on his place, "Tommy?" She asked softly, placing a hand over his and stilling his actions, "Am I really that bad of a cook?"

His eyes shot up to meet hers and he shook his head, "No, no. It's great, it's delicious, really." He forced a smile, wishing to reassure her, longing to make her happy at Christmas.

She nodded uncertainly, her gaze returning to her plate.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes once again on his best friend and Jude's sister. They were so at ease around each other, so uncomplicated. They weren't bothered by what people thought, by uncertainty or by the time of the year. They were just in the moment.

He shot a furtive glance at Jude, remembering the feel of her soft lips against his during their mistletoe kiss. He'd liked it; kissing Jude, but it had cost him. She'd been a little more distant and awkward around him since that day. At the studio or even now during dinner things were fine but when they were alone together he'd notice this look in her eyes like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"So when did it start?" Sadie was asking Jude. Tommy glanced between the two of them, wishing he'd paid attention and knew what Sadie meant by the question. Judging from the look of panic on Jude's face it wasn't something good.

Jude glanced over at him, looking for assistance and spotting the blank expression on his face, "Daydreamer," She teased with a forced casual roll of her eyes, "Sadie was just asking when we started… um, seeing each other."

"Oh," He nodded and smiled at Sadie, "It's kind of a long story. I'm sure you guys don't want to be bored with the details."

Kwest had placed his knife and fork down on his plate and interlaced his fingers as he smiled at Tommy, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, "No, we'd love to hear."

Jude glanced up, "Well, I guess it started when-"

"When Jude got back from her first tour," Tommy interjected.

Jude glanced over at him, forgetting herself for a moment and asking, "Really?"

Sadie frowned, glancing between the two as Kwest smirked knowingly.

Tommy nodded, staring at Jude pointedly, "Well, maybe not for you but for me." He turned back to Sadie and Kwest, "I really missed being in the studio with Jude while she was away and I guess that's when I realized that there was something a little more then a professional relationship between us."

Jude glanced at him, raising her eyebrows teasingly, "Really? I never knew you felt that way." She was starting to get confused, wondering where the line between fact and fiction was drawn but that was silly. Tommy wasn't attracted to her when she got back from her tour.

Jude tilted her head to the side slightly, eyeing the food on her plate as if it were the most exciting thing she'd ever seen. It was her turn. "He kissed me on my seventeenth birthday," She remarked, glancing at Tommy.

Tommy raised his eyebrows, his eyes silently asking 'I did?'

Jude smiled, finding something bizarrely fun in the way they were messing with each other. "It was quite something," She remarked as she took a sip of her water. "Tell them, Tommy."

Tommy shook his head, smiling nervously, "I don't know. Girls are so much better at describing these things."

Jude shook her head and leaned a little closer to him, "Come on, you're the boy bander. You're totally up to describing affairs of the heart and 'picking up the pieces'."

He shot her a slight glare, mouthing 'fine'. "It was on the fire escape," He remarked with a nonchalant toss of his hand, "During her birthday party at G-Major."

Sadie frowned, "Didn't it rain that night?"

Tommy nodded, "Jude was upset about something and I saw her run out there and went to talk to her. She looked so broken hearted and dejected and-" He glanced over at Jude, his tone changing slightly as he leaned closer to her, looking into her eyes in the most romantic fashion he could manage, completely sucking Sadie in with every word, "so very beautiful. I couldn't _not_ kiss her."

Jude gulped and pretended to cough while Sadie smiled, "Awww."

"Yeah," Jude's voice was slightly squeaky and she coughed again to cover up the fact, "I was upset because I'd tripped coming down the stairs right in front of that camera crew from ABC, then I'd spilt my drink and generally made a fool of myself." She and Tommy were still leaning close to one another and Jude glanced away from his unwavering gaze.

"Do I need to get you guys the mistletoe again?" Sadie joked, pretending to move to get out of her chair.

"That's okay," Tommy remarked without looking over at her. He reached over and gently tilted Jude's head to face him and leaned over to softly kiss her on the lips. Jude's eyes widened at the unexpected action and Kwest coughed uncomfortably. Still completely oblivious Sadie smiled like an adoring teenage girl watching a romantic comedy. Jude pulled away after a few seconds pause, turning her head away from the table as Tommy leaned back in his chair. He'd suddenly gone pale at the realization of what he'd done. It wasn't a premeditated action, they'd just become lost in the moment and he'd wanted to kiss her, so he had. He glanced over at Jude furtively, hoping she'd realize it was just for the sake of continuing to convince Sadie. But at the same time there was the smallest pattering of doubt dancing around in his stomach regarding his own motives.

Kwest raised an eyebrow. He'd noticed the sudden uncomfortable atmosphere and broke the silence, "So weren't you guys worried about the age gap, and all of that?"

"Kwest!" Sadie elbowed him, "Don't ruin the story." Kwest's eyes sparkled with amusement at her admonishment.

Jude stood up abruptly, "Well that's pretty much it," She remarked, "The rest is well documented in the tabloids, the second installment bound to come along far too soon. Can I take your plates?"

---

In her excitement Sadie had forgotten her gift for Kwest in the car. She'd ran out to retrieve it, taking a fair quantity of time considering her car was parked quite a way down the street. She'd refused Kwest's offer to walk her with a smile and dismissive shake of her head, "Its fine." She'd replied before bouncing out of the apartment.

Jude and Tommy were seated on the sofa with Kwest perched on the lazy boy next to it. Jude was leaning back; her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes a slightly darker shade to match the small frown on her forehead.

"I'm going to… get the wine," Tommy remarked as he stood.

"I'll have some," Jude remarked with a smirk, "Oh, no, wait; can't. I guess I'll have water again." Tommy nodded, a perturbed expression on his features at her sudden mood swing before leaving the room to get the wine and glasses.

"You okay, Jude?" Kwest asked as he leaned forward in his chair.

Jude sighed, bringing her hands to her face, "Everything is so damn messed up," She remarked softly, letting out a frustrated sigh. Lowering her hands she glanced over at him, "Tommy told you everything right?"

He nodded.

"Maybe you could help me understand him," Jude suggested. "He's a total mystery to me at the moment. I mean, what kind of guy does what he's doing?" She shook her head; mystified. "I never know what to think or expect when it comes to him."

Kwest leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment, "I think it's probably to do with his own life more then yours. Has he told you anything about his family or his past?"

She shook her head, "A little about Boyz Attack but other then that…"

"Maybe he'll talk about it when he's ready. He's a pretty closed book most of the time. On rare occasions, and I mean _rare_ occasions he opens up and you've just got to watch out for the signs."

"Great," Jude muttered.

"It's complicated," Kwest remarked, "But you're Jude and he's Tommy and that's most of it"

Jude frowned, "What does that mean?"

Smiling mysteriously, Kwest stood to his feet, "I think I'll go check what's taking Tommy so long."

A few moments later both Kwest and Tommy returned. Tommy smiled at Jude as he handed her a glass of what appeared to be wine. She frowned, "Tommy I can't-"

He shook his head, "It's not alcoholic. It's grape juice. I thought you might like to at least pretend."

Sadie had returned and she smiled as she accepted a glass of wine from Kwest, "Yeah, Jude; pretend to drink wine with the grown ups," She'd slipped back into the voice she used when talking down to Jude as her 'baby' sybling.

Tommy quickly reached out and pried a pillow from Jude's fingers before she could hurl it at her sister.

---

Sadie pulled Jude into a tight hug as she left that evening, "I guess we won't be racing into Mum and Dad's room at five AM in the morning demanding presents?"

Jude smiled, "Sade, we haven't done that in nearly ten years."

Sadie nodded, as if she'd just remembered, "You're right! I forgot!" She hugged Jude again, quickly, "I'll come over some time tomorrow and we can hang out, okay? I love you little sis."

Jude blinked back tears and waved good-bye to Kwest as he and Sadie left together. She closed the door and leaned against it, her eyes on the floor. Tommy, who had been standing behind her, fidgeted nervously before pointing out; "It's only quarter of an hour till Christmas."

She smiled and pushed away from the door, "I'm sorry I was such an ogre to you tonight. Everything was just… weird."

"Its fine," He smiled and loosely wrapped an arm round her shoulder, leading her back to the lounge, "Put it down to pregnancy mood swings right?"

She stifled a yawn and nodded, "Probably."

"You could get some sleep."

"I like waiting up until Christmas," She explained as she walked over to the sofa, swaying slightly to the mid tempo music playing on the stereo.

He smiled and leaned back against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. He watched as she spun around slowly, her eyes closed as she sidestepped then lay down on the sofa.

He walked over to her and stood by the side of the sofa. She shaded her eyes from the light and peered up at him, "What, Quincy?"

He shrugged and extended a hand, "Dance with me." He commanded.

A smile tugged on her lips, "Don't tell me what to do." The truth was she wasn't irritated by the demanding nature of his statement

He grabbed her hand and tugged her up. Grudgingly she stood in front of him, her shoulders drooping and her eyes half closed. He pulled her away from the coffee table and over to the clear floor space in front of the tree. "Just watch out for the tinsel," He advised with a wink.

She laughed and let him pull her around in a motion somewhat resembling a dance, though her actions were grudging and slow. "Has anyone ever told you you're a terrible dancer?" He asked.

"Oh really?" She punched his arm lightly, "Well I never got any boy band booty shaking dance lessons, thank-you."

He made a face at the mention of his embarrassing past, "I could teach you," He smirked as he spun her away from him and pulled her close again. The dance in no way matched the music. It was simply light hearted and goofy.

She rolled her eyes, "Thanks but capable booty shaking doesn't rank highly on my list of lifetime achievements."

He leaned in and jokingly spoke into her ear, "You don't know what you're missing."

She shook her head, "No, I think I do." She stepped back and motioned to him, "But by all means, I'd love a performance." She couldn't keep the evil grin off her face as she stood there waiting.

He shook his head emphatically, "No way girl! I don't do _that_ for _anyone_ anymore."

She pouted, "Please?"

"No, way."

"Oh come on, you were just offering to teach me and you do realize teaching would require a demonstration right?"

He took a few steps away from her, straightening a light on the tree and shaking his head, "It's not going to happen."

She put a hand on his shoulder and spun him around, "Come on, for me? It's Christmas and my family have abandoned me and life generally sucks," She tried to produce fake tears but had to settle for a quivering chin as she looked at him with wide, sad eyes, "For me?"

He covered his face with his hands, taking a deep breath then as quickly as he possibly could, performed one of the dance routines from a Boyz Attack video. It was about twenty seconds long and ended with the trademark Little Tommy Q booty shake. When he turned back to her Jude was covering her mouth with both hands as her eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Well that was wonderfully humiliating. You weren't supposed to laugh!" He cried in frustration.

She fell to the floor, clutching her hands to her stomach as she laughed uncontrollably, "That was priceless," She remarked between bouts of laughter, "I mean I know you were in Boyz Attack but it's easy to forget sometimes. That was-" She burst out laughing again.

He pulled her to her feet, attempting to suffer in silence the embarrassment of the situation. "You really _can't_ say I never did anything for you." He remarked with a wry smile.

She shook her head, finally getting over her laughter and growing serious. "I really can't." She glanced over at the clock and watched as it ticked over to midnight. "Merry Christmas Quincy," She hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek, "You're the best - really."

---

Christmas was a quiet affair in the Quincy-Harrison apartment. Tommy left Jude's gift at her door and she nearly tripped over it when she ventured out the next morning as she was rubbing at her weary eyes and wishing she hadn't stayed up so late the night before. She smiled as she un-wrapped the paper and discovered her favorite perfume. She lifted her head to see Tommy leaning against the door of his bedroom, watching her.

"How did you know?" She asked. His expression implied he didn't know what she meant. "It's my favorite." She answered simply. "I, um, got you something," She disappeared into her room and returned with a large box. He hurried forward to take it from her, not wanting to strain or hurt herself.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I can't guess." He remarked as he carried the box into the lounge and placed it down on the coffee table.

She laughed, "No, probably not. It's lame, really." She chewed on her bottom lip nervously, "I'm not the best gift giver… ask Sadie. No, she'll probably tell you today without you even needing to bring it up." She sprayed some of her perfume on and watched his delighted expression as he opened the box of red licorice. He burst out laughing and turned to her.

"Perfect," He remarked with a twinkle in his eyes.

His smile was contagious and she found herself smiling as she showered and got dressed. It was her first Christmas away from her family and maybe it wasn't going to be that bad. Sadie came round after lunch and the three of them shared gifts. Jude excitedly tore at the paper of the gift Sadie had brought when she came to decorate the tree.

"Maybe Tommy wanted to open it," Sadie pointed out with a knowing grin, "It's for him too."

Jude glanced over at Tommy, "Back off." She remarked with a wink.

He raised his hands in a surrendering motion, "Hey, you won't catch me getting between a hormonal pregnant woman and her… wrapping paper."

Jude just laughed as she tore away the remainder of the wrapping paper and held up a camera. She frowned, not in displeasure but surprise as she turned the box around, eyeing it from all angles, "Joke, right?" She asked Sadie.

"Jude's a famously terrible photographer," Sadie explained to Tommy who was looking perplexed. She turned back to Jude, "No silly, it's not a joke. We'll just have to make sure someone else operates the camera at all times. It's got a timer so you can use that option. And this is part deux of your gift," She pulled a large square package out of her purse and swatted away Jude's hands as they reached for it, "Nuh-uh. You had your turn. Tommy gets to un-wrap this one."

After handing the gift to Tommy, she took the camera from Jude and opened the box. She took out the camera and put the batteries in place and held it up to her eye, "Now, I want a picture of you guys unwrapping your first – well, second Christmas gift together. Jude; go sit with Tommy."

Complying, perhaps to simply get closer to the Christmas paper, Jude walked over to Tommy and sat on the armrest of the recliner he was seated on. Peering through the viewfinder Sadie shook her head, "No, that's not quite right, Jude, sit on his lap."

Jude's eyes widened, "Sadie!" She scolded.

Tommy grinned at Jude, his eyes sparkling, "Hey, I don't mind." He remarked. Jude glared at him as he moved aside the package and motioned for her to sit. Grudgingly she did so, glaring at her sister as she did.

"K," Sadie peered through the viewfinder again, "Seriously, Jude. Stop with the pouting. Tommy, maybe you should let her unwrap half the present." She spoke like one talking about a child and Jude tossed a balled up wad of wrapping paper at her for it.

Tommy leaned forward and whispered into Jude's ear, "She's being bossy again."

Jude smirked, "Ya think?"

While Tommy and Jude unwrapped the present together, Sadie snapped picture after picture. The gift was a photo album and Sadie walked over to the two, shaking the first Polaroid picture she'd taken before opening the photo album to the first page, "To chronicle your life together," She explained as she slid the picture into place on the first page, "For new memories and traditions," She remarked with a smile to Jude.

As Jude was about to climb up off Tommy's lap Sadie stepped back, "Wait one more picture." The picture was taken and a few moments later the three crowded round to admire the finished result. In the picture Jude had both arms wrapped around Tommy's neck her head wresting on his shoulder as she smiled sweetly at the camera. Tommy's eyes weren't on the camera; instead his head was tilted to the side, smiling down at her. "Perfect," Sadie remarked with a happy smile.

She didn't notice the glance exchanged between Jude and Tommy as Jude climbed up off his lap. She didn't notice the nervous flicker in Tommy's eyes as he observed Jude's actions, nor did she see how uncomfortable Jude was as she returned to her seat on the sofa, where she gazed out the window to the street below, lost in thought.

---

Nearly a week later Tommy awoke in the night to the sound of fireworks. Frowning, he set up and tossed aside the sheets and made his way into the lounge, careful not to make a sound and wake Jude. He needn't have worried. He found her silhouetted by moonlight and the bright colors of the fireworks as she peered out the window, one hand holding the curtain aside as she stood in the small space left vacant. As he watched, she jumped as a large rocket went off, filling the ear with a loud boom. She let out an almost inaudible delighted gasp as cascades of color filled the night sky.

He didn't want to interrupt her quiet enjoyment and debated returning to his bed. A creaking floor board prevented the plan as he turned to leave and she was alerted to his presence.

She spun to face him, surprise and terror in her movement, "Oh, it's just you," She gasped, holding a hand to her throat.

He shrugged, "Sorry to disappoint."

She laughed slightly, "When you're expecting the guy from Scream with a pitchfork, you're no disappointment Quincy, believe me."

She turned back to the window and he was left wanting to ask; 'And in other situations? Am I disappointment then? Or is my presence acceptable just when it's an alternative to a serial killer?' but he didn't dare speak the words, knowing they were too strong and inappropriate for the moment. Instead he ventured over to stand next to her as they silently watched the fireworks light up the sky.

"Happy New Year," He said softly.

In between bouts of fireworks, he could only just make out her smile in the soft moonlight as she gazed up into the smoke filled sky, "I wonder what it's going to be like." She whispered. She glanced over at him furtively, "It can't be all bad, can it?" She asked it softly, "There's got to be some good moments… right?"

He nodded swiftly, hoping to reassure her, "I'm sure there'll be some amazing moments."

She smiled again, nodding slightly as she turned back to the window. Another set of fireworks were let off and her eyes sparkled as she gazed at them.

"Are-" He paused, "Are you scared?" He managed to ask.

She glanced over at him, "Of what exactly? There are a lot of things scaring me at the moment."

He shrugged slightly, "Of the pregnancy and the delivery."

She nodded, returning her gaze to the window, "Completely," She answered simply, then elaborated, "I'm sure every first time mother, even second or third mother has her moments of fear in her pregnancy. I just wish mine wasn't the way it is," She tilted her head slightly. Her face was lit with soft pink light from the display outside, "If I were married and older… everyone would be excited and happy for me. I'd be nervous at times but I wouldn't be alone," She shrugged, "There wouldn't be so many moments to be scared. The father and I would spend long moments discussing baby names and what of each others features, talents and characteristics we hope the child would inherit from each of us. Our spare time would be spent preparing the nursery and buying things for the baby. The pregnancy would be a celebration." She glanced down and as he glanced over at her quickly. He noticed the slight shimmer of tears in her eyes.

"I know it's silly," She said quietly, "Complaining about where I am and wishing I were somewhere else. I should try to make the most of this situation right?"

It was a hypothetical question and he didn't trust himself to answer anyway. He wished she had what she dreamed about. He wished there were some way he could give it to her.

---

**Teasers for Chapter 16**

_Lying in bed with the blankets pulled up to her chin and lost in a world of slumber; Jude frowned. Her closed eyelids flickered as she rolled from side, battling to make sense of the images like memories that were flashing through her subconscious. _

_---_

_Her stomach appeared flat, hidden beneath the loose shirt but as she placed the palm of one hand flat against it she could feel that almost unnoticeable bulge._


	16. Chapter 16: Gravity

**A/N: K, here's the new chapter. Please let me know what you think. There are varying hints for varying future plotlines so see if you can spot them all. Let me know your theories for what's going to happen next and your favorite lines and parts. :)**

---

**Chapter 16: Gravity**

Lying in bed with the blankets pulled up to her chin, Jude frowned. Her closed eyelids flickered as she rolled from side, battling to make sense of the images flashing through her subconscious.

_She was walking up a staircase at a party, following someone whose face she couldn't see. He was wearing jeans and a navy blue shirt. She looked down at the party below, her hand sliding up the railing in a sluggish fashion and her feet failing beneath her as she stumbled and nearly fell down the stairs._

She tossed aside the blankets, kicking at them as they settled over her feet.

_That incessant laughter was grating on her last nerve and the music playing over the speakers was far too loud. Her head was throbbing and she felt nauseous. She saw a friendly face in the form of the brunette girl who gently pried her bag from her hands, "I'll call someone to pick you up, okay?" She asked as she took out Jude's cell phone and began scrolling through her contact list. _

_With a frustrated groan, Jude turned and made her way through the crowd of bodies dancing to the horrible music. She ignored the girl's calls to her to return, she ignored the disdainful, envious and mocking looks she received from the people she passed. A guy was smiling at her but she couldn't see his entire face, only his mouth as she raised her head to look at him…_

Jude lay perfectly still, one hand resting on her forehead and a frown still in place over her troubled features.

"_Alcohol, it's a dangerous thing when you're not wise about it," Jude's mother was saying to six-year-old Jude as she sat at the kitchen table eating J shaped pancakes, "It makes you do stupid, stupid things. Believe me. Promise Mommy you'll be a sensible girl when you grow up?" She asked Jude pleadingly._

_More absorbed in her pancakes then her mothers words, Jude nodded absentmindedly. She was humming a random tune to herself, some song she'd composed in the bathtub the night before…_

---

Tommy was surprised to find Jude awake and dressed, staring absentmindedly into a bowl of cereal when he entered the kitchen the next morning. Generally he was the first to wake and was well prepared for the day when Jude finally staggered out of her sleep, her mood and appearance perfectly matching the morning hating teenager she was.

She glanced up at him, her eyes flittering over his black silk pajamas as the smallest of a smile tugged on her lips, "That's a good look on you," She remarked with a touch of sarcasm.

He rolled his eyes as he began preparing coffee, "Since when are you the early bird?" He asked as he retrieved the milk from the refrigerator.

She sighed, lowering her head onto the table, "I couldn't sleep. I kept having these strange dreams."

He turned to her, "What about?"

She glanced up at him and their eyes met for a moment. She contemplated telling him but the thought scared her, what he would say or think scared her. Instead she shook her head slightly, "I don't really remember…"

His eyes flickered over hers for a moment longer before he nodded and turned back to his coffee. He didn't believe her.

---

Jude stood in front of the full length mirror on her bedroom wall. Standing sideways she flattened her shirt against her stomach, frowning as she noticed the slightest change in her otherwise flat stomach. She lifted her shirt slightly, to ensure it wasn't the fabric but it was still there. She twisted around, thinking perhaps it was a wave in the glass but from all angles it remained.

She let her shirt fall back down and looked at her reflection. Her stomach appeared flat, hidden beneath the loose shirt but as she placed the palm of one hand flat against it she could feel that almost unnoticeable bulge.

She felt a rush of terror and a million thoughts swirling through her head as she reached for her jacket and rushed out the door to join Tommy and head to G-Major. Once again she pushed the thoughts, the fears, the realities to the back of her mind, determined to get through one more day without facing reality.

---

"It's not working," Jude muttered as she took of her headphones and lay them down next to the microphone in the recording booth. She stood up, stretching her arms over her head before making her way into the mixing booth.

Tommy sat back in his chair as she approached, "The song is great you're just, I don't know, missing the passion or something."

Jude frowned as she pulled up a swivel chair and sat across from him, "It's the lyrics, I think…" She murmured, more to herself then him.

"They're fine." He assured her as he fiddled with a few buttons on the sound board.

She shook her head softly, "I don't feel like singing about love."

Having caught his attention fully, he slowly swung his chair back around and leaned forward, "Why?"

She growled with frustration, kicking against the wall to send her chair rolling across the room. "I don't know," She shook her head again, deep in thought then finally it hit her. "I think I'm a cynic." She admitted slowly.

Tommy was surprised, "About love?"

She nodded her head.

"Jude, practically every song you've ever written is a love song."

She shrugged, "Put it down to youthful immaturity."

"A love song isn't immature."

Again she shook her head, "No, but how I felt about love was," She chewed on her bottom lip as she looked through the glass walls of the recording booth and out into the crowded G-Major lobby. "I guess I'm a little jaded."

He tentatively took her hand in his, not realizing he was doing so until he had. He urged her to look at him, "Because of everything that's happened?"

She grudgingly faced him, nodding slightly, "I guess…" She whispered.

He squeezed her hand, "Love is real and it exists and you're going to find it someday, or maybe it will find you." He paused, his eyes darting around the room but not meeting hers as he found himself becoming uncomfortable with the conversation, "That song is beautiful and hopeful and there's nothing naïve about it."

She was frowning as she stood to her feet, letting her hand slide from his, "Okay, I'll give the song another try, as for the rest of it…" She trailed off as she walked out of the room.

Tommy ran a hand through his hair as he watched her slowly make her way back into the recording area. She picked up her guitar and closed her eyes as she strummed a few random cords then adjusted her headphones. He leaned forward, leaning on the sound board, a frown crossing his handsome features.

---

Jude was in a daze as she floated through her work day at G-Major. She was now four months and one week into her pregnancy and was finding it harder and harder to ignore the fact that it was in fact real and happening. Could she really pretend any longer?

She worked in the studio with Tommy on a couple of songs for the album. For some reason, unbeknownst to her, he was more the sympathetic friend and less the slave driving producer; only asking a minimum of retakes and not calling her out on every little mistake she made and there were many. The Tommy she'd come to value as a friend and the Tommy she worked with in the studio rarely mingled and she found it rather disconcerting when they did.

Later on she met with Portia to discuss a change of hair as she was finding her long blonde strands frustrating. Or perhaps it was the fact that every time she looked into the mirror she hated the girl she saw. She hated her past weaknesses, the mistakes she'd made and the fact that despite her determination to be strong and independent, she still found herself fighting away tears in the enclosing darkness of night.

The two discussed potential style changers for awhile. Some where mild and some where extreme and Portia eventually urged Jude to sleep on her final decision for a few nights before making any big changes.

Jude sat on the sofa in the main lobby as she scribbled song lyrics down in a notepad. She'd always found it strange the number of places songs would come. Sometimes she needed space and quiet with zero distractions, sometimes she needed sun and children's laughter in the distance and sometimes she needed the hustle and bustle, tension and stress of G-Major. Self-consciously, she'd repeatedly pull the fabric of her T-shirt away from her stomach, not allowing it to fall flat against her skin for fear someone would notice the very minimal change.

She was rifling through her handbag in search of a book she was reading for school. It was exciting, the book was going to be her last book report for High School and she realized the fact was no small feat. She slipped her notebook into the pocket of her jacket, still not happy with the basic theme of the song she was writing and began to flip through the pages of her book.

She couldn't quite place what it was that made her look up at the front door at that particular moment but something caught her attention. Perhaps it was a voice, or a gust of wind from the opening doors that managed to reach her or even just the aroma of coffee wafting down from hospitality that had captured her imagination.

Her eyes fell upon a handsome teenage guy approaching the receptionist desk. Sadie glanced up at him and smiled politely and though Jude was too far away to catch the words she knew the drill; "Can I help you?"

The guy glanced around the room nervously, his eyes flittering over the platinum recording plaques lining one wall, the name 'Darius Mills' on Darius office door, and the various transparent glass walls facing into the studios. Jude remembered the first time she'd walked into the building; the electric atmosphere and the thrill that ran through her at the reality of a building dedicated entirely to music.

The guy's eyes fell upon Jude for a moment and he almost seemed to recoil. Unusual, Jude didn't usually have that affect on guys and certainly not since she won Instant Star.

"Jude?" She glanced up to see Kwest motioning to her from the door of one of the Studios. She nodded and stood, collecting her purse and book then glanced one last time at the reception desk. The guy was no longer present and she only just caught a glimpse of his navy blue T-shirt and dirty blonde hair as he walked out the front doors of G-Major and onto the crowded street outside.

"Jude!" Kwest called again and she shook her head in an attempt to clear her clouded mind before rushing to the studio.

---

Jude sat on the sofa at Tommy's apartment. The cordless phone was lying on the cushions next to her and she glanced at it frequently as she tried to pay attention to the movie she was watching on television.

Tommy wandered through the room on his way to the kitchen before returning with an apple a few minutes later. He glanced at the seat next to Jude and raised an eyebrow, "This seat taken?" He asked as he motioned to the phone.

She smiled ruefully and picked up the phone, quickly placing it on the table, "Nope." She returned her gaze to the television, attempting to tune out the scrutinizing gaze she was receiving from Tommy. He flopped down on the sofa next to her, casually resting an elbow on the armrest and placing his chin in his hands. The action was far too casual for Tommy and far too forced.

"Thinking of calling someone?" He asked.

She shook her head, pretending to be enthralled at the images playing out on the screen.

Tommy glanced from the screen, to her and back. He shrugged and rose an eyebrow teasingly, "I never new Athlete foot commercial's could be so engrossing."

Jude blushed. Her mind had been so far away from the television that she hadn't even noticed the show had gone to commercials. She picked up the remote and changed to MTV. Nirvana's 'Smells like teen spirit' was playing and she glanced over at Tommy, a smile played on her lips as she mouthed along with the lyrics and rocked her head back and forth, allowing her hair to fly around her dramatically.

Tommy leaned back to avoid her flying hair, amusement dancing in his eyes. She was avoiding a discussion and he knew it. "Jude?" He asked. She ignored him. He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, urging her to stop moving. She finally, grudgingly complied with a dejected sigh as she pulled her knees to her chest. He swallowed the scolding that was threatening to spill over for her putting her feet on the sofa. "Jude, who were you going to call?" He asked again.

She changed to another music channel and hummed along to the Kelly Clarkson tune that was playing, "It's not important," She finally remarked dismissively.

He shook his head, "You don't obsess over unimportant things," He frowned and paused, "No, actually you do, but I don't think you're doing that now."

She pretended to glare at him, a small smile tugging on her lips, "I was going to call the hospital to book the Ultra Sound," She finally conceded as she twirled a strand of her hair around her finger nervously.

He shrugged, "That's… great. Isn't it?"

She frowned, "No!"

"Why not?"

Frustrated, she changed the channel again and rolled her eyes at the hip hop song that was playing, with booty girls and everything. She changed again and smiled as a John Mayer song began to play. "It's scary," She finally admitted quietly.

"You get to see your baby for the first time," Tommy pointed out, "I would have thought that would be exciting."

She shook her head, "I'm not ready."

He peered at her, "Do you think you'll ever be ready?"

She smiled again; amused at the fact that he was reading her mind so perfectly. She furtively shook her head.

"So you might as well just do it," He suggested gently, "How about we book the appointment for a week or two away, then you can get your head around it beforehand."

She finally nodded in agreement and Tommy went to find the phone book then called the hospital. Jude's nervousness regarding the ultrasound wasn't so much about the reality of the baby anymore, she was getting used to the fact. It related to the conversation she'd had with Tommy on New Years. It was a moment she felt she should be sharing with someone and the thought of doing it alone broke her heart. Still hugging her knees to her chest, Jude sang along softly to the song playing onscreen, "_And gravity, wants to bring me down_."

---

Tommy lay on his bed, his feet dangling over the edge as he stared at the stark white ceiling above him. It was one AM and he hadn't even changed his clothes or gotten into bed. He already knew he wouldn't be able to sleep.

When he was a child he'd had glow-in-the-dark stars all over his ceiling. He used to fall asleep to their dull green glow as he dreamt of growing up to be an Astronaut and travel through Space like Captain Picard on _Star Trek_. As he'd gotten older the dream had gotten pushed aside. It all started when he got his first guitar. That first time he ran his fingers over the strings and felt them vibrate and release a soft beautiful sound, he fell in love. Stars were forgotten as music became his life and eventually every inch of his walls and roof was papered with posters of his musical idols, images of guitars and concerts and scribbled songs and music he'd written. The posters began to cover the roof, until not one star could be seen any longer.

Frowning now, he found himself missing those stars for the first time in more the fifteen years. There had been something reassuring about their dull glow. Whenever he woke after having an intense nightmare, the first thing he'd see would be that dull green light, pulling him out of his worlds of terror and back into the safe reassuring reality of his bedroom.

Lately he missed comfort and reassurance. He missed knowing exactly where he stood in life, where he planned and was working to be and what motive stood behind every action he ever took. He was Tom Quincy. He was always in control. He always knew his own heart and mind.

So when had that changed? When this stubborn and willful fifteen-year-old girl sang her way into his life, reminding him painfully of another fiery haired girl he'd once known? Had it been when making music with her became something he found himself counting down the moments till? No, those moments were significant, sure, but the moment it had changed had been the day he found that girl crying alone in a bathroom, the moment she shared her scary secret and he decided to be her Knight in shining leather. _That_ was when he lost track of his motives, that was when the future suddenly became uncertain, that was when his dreams and plans for the future began to morph and change into something completely unrecognizable from their original…

---

**Teasers for Chapter 17: Justin**

"_It's kind of creepy in here," She remarked as the darkness enveloped her._

_---_

_She glanced about her then leaned toward him comparatively, "So, what, are you stalking me or something?"_

_He grinned, "How'd you guess?"_


	17. Chapter 17: Justin

Here's the new chapter. Sorry it was so long coming. Please leave comments. I adore them. :)

---

**Chapter 17: Justin**

"_I don't think so," She whispered, frowning at how sluggish her speech was and how difficult it was to pronounce the K sound. She was leaning against the cream walls of a hallway and there was a flight of stairs to her left from which the rambunctious sounds of a party were filtering up. In front of her was an open door to a dark bedroom. A guy was standing at the entrance but once again she couldn't see his face as her eyes were fixed on the floor._

"_It's just so noisy downstairs," He was saying, "We can't talk there and I'd love for you to sing me one of your songs."_

_She laughed bitterly at that, either not believing the lame line or perhaps only just remembering she was in fact a songwriter, an Instant Star. Big whoopey-doo!_

_She sighed as she pushed away from the wall and shrugged her shoulders defiantly before stepping into the room. She put a hand to her mouth as a loud hiccup escaped and having forgotten she was carrying it, an empty can of beer fell from her hand to the carpeted floor beneath her feet. "It's kind of creepy in here," She remarked as the darkness _

_enveloped her. "Jude?"_

_That voice again. Why was that voice always in her dreams lately?_

Jude eyes opened sleepily and she blearily glanced around her, jumping when she noticed the dark silhouette leaning over her bed.

"Relax, it's just me," Tommy's warm voice reassured her.

"Oh," She put a hand to her heart, silently instructing it to slow to a normal rate, "Um, Tom? What are you doing in my room in the middle of the night?"

He sat down on the edge of her bed and she frowned at his proximity, though the action was probably lost in the darkness. "You were dreaming," He said, "You were yelling about something a little while ago."

Jude shook her head defiantly, "I don't talk in my sleep."

"You did before."

She shook her head again, "No, I _didn't_."

"Jude, stop being so stubborn," He admonished, a trace of frustration in his voice.

Jude crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back against the headboard as she thought back over her dream. She could only remember the last few minutes though she could tell somewhere in the back of her mind that there had been images and scenes before that, she just couldn't summon them up.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked gently.

"I'm fine," She responded nonchalantly.

"Are they the same dreams that were keeping you up last week?"

"Is that any of your business?" She responded quickly, with a sharp edge to her voice as she shoved her hair out of her face.

He stood up and stepped away from the bed. "Don't bite my head off," He said coolly, "I'm just trying to help."

She pulled the blankets up around her neck, resting her chin on top of them as she glared at the bedroom wall. "Sorry," She finally murmured. She was frustrated that she couldn't remember her earlier dreams and frustrated that she felt such a strong sense of trepidation at sharing them with Tommy; her closest friend. But most of all she was frustrated at the fact that she knew they weren't dreams but memories she both struggled to remember and desperately hoped to always forget.

---

Jude paused at a newsstand on her way home from G-Major. Absentmindedly she flipped through a tabloid, relieved at the fact that she didn't appear on one page. She was placing the tabloid back on the stand and shaking her head in response to the owner's question regarding if he could help her, when she got an eerie sense that someone was watching her, it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

She glanced around her nervously, her eyes falling upon a busy street during rush hour. All around her exhausted people where rushing by with thoughts only of picking up the kids from school, getting dinner ready and getting a good night's sleep. Finally her eyes fell upon a guy lounging against a brick wall across from the street from her. He was smoking a cigarette lazily, occasionally glancing in her direction. She frowned and shaded her eyes with one hand as she peered at him openly. He was familiar.

Shrugging her bag over her shoulder she started across the street toward him. He pushed away from the street and oh so casually strolled over to meet her as she stepped onto the footpath, "Hi," He drawled.

She raised an eyebrow, "Do I know you from somewhere?" She asked, peering at him intently like an insect under a microscope.

His eyes darted about nervously as he tried to continue his casual act; he shrugged noncommittally, "You're Jude Harrison right? I've seen your videos so I know you, but I don't think you know me…"

She shook her head, tapping a finger to her chin as she continued to scrutinize him, "No, that's not it…"

"Maybe we go to the same High School? I go to East."

"I go to Leigh," Jude responded in a bored tone before barreling into her next question, "Where you at G-Major recently?"

He let out the breath that neither of them realized he'd been holding as he smiled brightly, "I was actually. Last week."

Jude nodded, finally allowing a small smile to push aside her accusing stare, "That must be it." She glanced about her then leaned toward him comparatively, "So, what, are you stalking me or something?"

He grinned, "How'd you guess?"

She tilted her head to the side and shook her head. She extended a hand cordially, "I'm Jude," She said with a small smile, "Of course you already knew that but I always feel weird assuming…"

He took her hand and shook it warmly, holding on a second or two longer then normal before releasing it, "I'm Justin," He said, "I'm a big fan. Hey, would you like to get a bite to eat or something?"

Jude chewed on her bottom lip as she glanced down the street. She'd planned to go online and look up adoption agencies when she got home. It was step one in acknowledging the reality of her situation and yet it was an unappealing thought. She turned back to Justin and shaded her eyes from the sun with one hand. "Sure, why not?"

---

Tommy handed over a file of paperwork to an intern then began flipping through a folder as he leaned against the door of Studio B. The paperwork had been really piling up lately as his mind, attention and time had been elsewhere. He heard the sound of approaching stiletto heels and glanced up in time to see Sadie approaching.

"So how's my baby sister doing?" She asked as she leaned against a railing a few feet from him and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

He scratched the back of his head and shrugged, "Didn't I just see you talking to her an hour ago?"

Sadie nodded, "Uh-huh, but there's only so much one shares with their sister. Trust me, I know," She smiled, " I guess I just wanted news from something other then the horses mouth?"

"I'm sure Jude will love the fact that you referred to her as a horse." He tilted his head to the side as he grinned.

"Stop stalling Quincy. Spill it."

He shrugged and motioned her over to a sofa, "I don't know. She's not always that open with me."

Sadie appeared surprised, "But you guys are like, head over heels in love…"

"Love isn't always like in the movies, Sadie," He pointed out.

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not as naïve as people assume, Tommy," She made a scoffing sound.

"She's got an Ultra Sound in a couple of weeks." Tommy offered.

Sadie's eyes widened, "How exciting!"

He nodded, "Yeah, but she's nervous about it."

Sadie frowned sympathetically and fussed with her nails, "I wish Mom would talk to her," She finally admitted softly, "I'm trying to be there for her and help her but it's not the same as having your Mom; especially when Mom's been through this all before. Jude really needs her right now, and Dad."

"Do you think they'll ever come around?"

She gazed across the room, not really seeing anything in front of her, "I hope so. They miss her, a lot. They're trying not to let on but the house isn't the same without her. It's not as happy or as musical. But they're so damn stubborn!" She threw her hands up in the air, her blonde hair floating around her face as she shook her head in frustration.

"That must be where Jude gets it from," Tommy remarked ruefully.

Sadie smiled at him, "She's terrible isn't she?"

He nodded, feeling an unusual connection with the usually flighty blonde. Bizarre that when they finally found something they had in common, it would be Jude Harrison. He considered telling Sadie about the dreams Jude had been having but thought better of it. His suspicions led him to believe they weren't something Jude could discuss with Sadie anyway. And as appeared obvious, they didn't seem to be something Jude felt she could share with him either…

---

Justin slid into the booth across from Jude and handed her a plate with a hamburger and fries. She smiled and thanked him as she slid the plate toward her. She was feeling ever so slightly nauseous and hoped she'd be able to eat the burger without being sick.

"So you're still in High School, right?" She asked Justin conversationally.

He nodded and popped a fry into his mouth. "I'm a senior."

Jude nodded as she took a sip of her soda, "What's your favorite subject?"

He grinned at the obviously awkward small talk. "Math, actually."

Jude raised an eyebrow in surprise, "Wow. Me and math, we don't really get on…" She made a face before raising the burger to her lips and taking a small bite.

"Well if you need a tutor sometime, I'm totally your guy. I only charge like, fifty dollars an hour too."

Jude snorted, "Oh, that's all, huh?"

He smiled, "Kidding. So, not to sound like an interviewer for some teenybopper magazine but what's it like being famous?"

Jude smiled and took another sip from her soda, "I'm not exactly famous," She remarked with a dismissive shake of her head. "But it's fun, for the most part. I like it."

"The Paparazzi must suck?" He glanced over at her with thinly veiled interest but she didn't notice.

"They do," She was picking at her burger halfheartedly, her eyes on her plate and not him, "You wouldn't believe some of the crazy rumors they come up with sometimes."

"Secret romances with former boybanders and such?"

Jude put a hand to her forehead and groaned, "You saw that, huh?" She lifted her eyes to meet his.

He nodded. "So is it true?"

She chewed on her bottom lip and returned her eyes to her burger, "It's… complicated."

They were silent for a few moments as Jude ate some of her fries and Justin watched her intently. Eventually he casually remarked; "Well, whatever it is, he's a lucky guy."

Jude glanced up at him then and their eyes met for a moment. Justin noticed the clouds in her eyes, he read the signs enough to assume not everything with Jude Harrison and Tommy Quincy was as it appeared to be. That was a fact he appreciated.

---

Tommy glanced up from his spot on the sofa as Jude walked in the front door. He'd been surprised when he arrived home half an hour earlier to find her not there. She'd left G-Major a couple of hours ago and normally arrived home well before he did.

"Hey," He remarked casually as she tossed her keys onto the table. Her long blonde hair was loose around her face and once again she was wearing a casual baggy outfit. She'd taken to wearing them a lot recently and he momentarily wondered if it was because she was starting to show. He hadn't noticed, but then he _was_ a guy. That and he'd been making a point of trying to not notice Jude in any way he shouldn't, physically ranked on the top of that list.

"Hey." She took a doggy bag out of her purse and walked into the kitchen.

"Have you eaten?" He called as he flipped a button on the remote and muted the television.

"Yeah, I… ate out." She responded with a momentary pause. She returned to the room a moment later with the remains of a burger on her plate.

"Still are, I see?" He was acting casual but inside he felt the beginning of curiosity. Jude hated to eat alone and she wasn't in the habit of spending much time in the outside world these days. As Darius had instructed; she was to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible.

"Mmmm," She murmured as she sat down next to him, close enough that their shoulders touched. "What are you watching?"

He glanced at the screen, "Bones."

"Know who did it yet?" She asked before taking a bite of her burger.

"You know me," He responded casually as he glanced over at her furtively, "I'm always the last to know."

---

Jude was sitting next to Tommy in the mixing booth listening to the playback of the song she'd just recorded when Sadie barreled into the room. "Jude, you're in the tabs, page fifteen" She remarked as she tossed a magazine down on the soundboard in front of them.

Frowning, Jude flipped through the magazine until she found a collection of pictures of her self on the street talking with Justin and one through the café window as the two of them ate their burgers and fries. 'Who can keep up with Jude Harrison these days?' the headlines asked.

Tommy glanced over Jude's shoulder at the pictures as she chewed on her bottom lip. He raised an eyebrow, "Anyone I know?"

"I was wondering the same thing," Sadie remarked as she looked over the pictures again. She glanced at Jude, "He's cute; I'll give you that."

Tommy rolled his eyes and returned to the board. He fiddled with a few levers but his ears weren't on the song.

"It's nothing," Jude was remarking to Sadie in hushed tones, "Just some guy. We were just talking."

"You and some guy? Talking?" Sadie laughed, "Since when are you little Miss Sociable?" She leaned forward and said in a softer tone, "You know, these are the kind of things boyfriends don't appreciate." She glanced over at Tommy who, despite the hushed tones, had heard every word. He glanced back at her and shrugged. Sadie stood up and started for the door, "You guys are really weird, you know that?"

The door closed behind her and Jude sighed as she tossed the magazine into the trash. "I hate those things," She muttered as she angrily ran a hand through her hair.

Tommy changed a disc and glanced over at her. There were a number of questions he was dying to ask and in all honesty he was baffled by the recent development. Jude had been spending all her time either at G-Major or his apartment. As far as he'd known she didn't have any friends other then Sadie. The fact that she was hanging out with someone, an attractive guy no less was… well, he couldn't decide what it was.

He decided not to press the subject. "What do you think of the chord progression here?" He asked as he rewound the track a few seconds then pressed play as the music filled the room.

Jude smiled appreciatively and leaned forward in her seat as she listened intently. Her expression had changed from the one she wore when the weight of the world was on her shoulders, to the one where she was making music and blissfully happy. The world could melt into a puddle of goo and pigs could fly but when Jude was making music; none of it mattered.

---

Jude leaned against the wall of the elevator as Tommy entered the number for their floor. "I was thinking we could order takeout," He remarked as he tapped his foot and waited for the lift to lurch into motion, "I've seen you yawning all day. You shouldn't have to worry about cooking."

Jude stifled another yawn and smiled at him appreciatively before a small frown flittered over her features.

"_I like cooking, actually," A voice remarked. _

_Jude was walking over the large bay window that looked down on the back yard. Crowds of teenagers were flocking around a giant swimming pool as pounding music caused the entire house to vibrate. _

"_So you're planning to be the next Jamie Oliver?" She asked as she pushed the curtain aside and opened one of the windows. She smiled as the cool night breeze wafted into the room._

Tommy noticed the brief change in Jude's expression. "What do you feel like?" He asked tentatively.

She glanced up at the roof of the elevator and closed her eyes as the elevator lurched into life and her stomach dropped, "Um, I don't really mind," She answered softly, "Maybe Pizza or Chinese?"

"_I don't know. Maybe I'll be a Chef. There's so many career options though, it's kind of exciting don't you think?" He asked._

_Jude smiled, "I only want to be a musician. If I can do that for the rest of my life, I'll be happy." The words were slurring together and she giggled to herself at the strange sounds coming from her mouth. _

_He walked up behind her and she felt his hand on her shoulder as he gently spun her around. Her head was starting to ache from the alcohol and the room seemed to spin with the sudden movement. She blinked and tried to focus on the face looming in front of her._

"Jude?" Tommy was peering at her and she blinked her eyes, shaking her head slightly as she glanced about her. "We're at our floor," Tommy remarked as he motioned to the open elevator doors. "You totally spaced out there. Is everything okay?"

The reality was she felt as if an iron fist of dread had tightened around her heart and she was finding it ever so slightly difficult to breath. The reality was she knew the person's features where just one or two more flashbacks away. The reality was she was scared to death.

"I'm fine," She remarked with a cheerful smile. "So do you want to order the Pizza or should I?"

---

**Teasers for Chapter 18: Cravings**

_He rounded the corner into the living room then crossed over to the kitchen. He paused at the door and with the help of the occasional flash of lightning was able to make out a dark figure crouching in the corner of the room. _

"_What are you doing?" He called, taking effort to make his voice as deep and scary sounding as he possible could._


	18. Chapter 18: Cravings

New Chapter! Please Comment!

---

**Chapter 18: Cravings**

Jude sat at the small desk located in the corner of her bedroom and chewed nervously on the end of her pen. The clock ticked over to 12:30am as she glanced down at the blank page in front of her. She was writing one of her last papers for High School but the words weren't coming. She glanced over at her bed as she stifled a yawn. She was exhausted but afraid if she slept, she'd remember. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that.

She heard a slight tapping at the door and called out a response. The door opened and Tommy peered inside, rubbing his eyes blearily, "You still up?" he asked.

She nodded, forcing a tight smile, "I'm working on a paper."

"Can't it wait till morning?"

She rolled her eyes and closed her dictionary. "Yes, Dad," she remarked with a flip of her hair as she made a face at him.

He grinned, "'Night Jude."

The door closed behind him and she sighed as she rested her head in her hands. A storm was brewing outside and rain pattered angrily against the windowpane as she turned off her desk lamp and walked over to her bed. With a tired sigh she sank down onto the mattress and gazed out the window as one hand unconsciously slid to her stomach, gently cradling the small bump.

---

Tommy was lying on his stomach, the sheets twisted around him as he dreamt of a concert, a stage and Jude. His dream was interrupted when he heard a strange sound. He opened one eye and glanced at the wall directly in front of him. From the other side he heard a slight rattling sound followed by irritated mutterings. A quick glance at his alarm clock revealed 3:30 in angry red numerals as he pulled himself up into a sitting position and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He slipped his feet into the welcoming warmth of a worn pair of house shoes before quietly standing.

Jude was asleep down the corridor and he knew from the last couple of months that she generally slept the entire night through without waking. It seemed as if the girl could sleep through a hurricane, which come to think of it; seemed to be brewing outside.

He silently rifled through his closet until he'd located an old baseball bat. He positioned the bat over his shoulder before stealthily slipping from his room and down the hallway. A quick glance at Jude's bedroom door showed that it was closed which further confirmed his conviction that she wasn't the source of the noise.

He rounded the corner into the living room then crossed over to the kitchen. He paused at the door and with the help of the occasional flash of lightning was able to make out a dark figure crouching in the corner of the room.

"What are you doing?" he called, taking effort to make his voice as deep and scary sounding as he possibly could.

The figure leapt into the air with a frightened yelp and an object slipped from their hands and to the floor with a loud crash. "Don't hurt me!" Jude's desperate voice called.

"Jude?" He reached over and flipped on the light switch to reveal a frightened Jude standing in the center of the room, a broken bowl in pieces on the floor at her feet. "What on earth are you doing?"

Her face crumpled and tears welled up in her eyes as she shrugged helplessly. "I--" she sighed and put a hand to her face. "I'm an idiot," she muttered.

Tommy quickly placed the baseball bat on the kitchen bench and eyed her warily. "You're not an idiot."

"I-" She motioned to a cupboard. "I wanted cereal," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

He raised an eyebrow, "And it couldn't wait until morning?"

She threw her hands up into the air, "What is it with you and mornings lately?" her voice wobbled and her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears.

He was becoming increasingly confused as he put a hand on her shoulder, "Jude?" He tilted his head to look into her face, "Are you feeling okay?"

She shoved his hands away, her eyes shooting angry sparks at him. "I'm fine! Don't look at me like that! I just wanted some damn cereal!" She stomped across the room then froze in place, crying out in pain. "Damn it!" She muttered as she lifted one foot and winced at the peace of glass protruding from her big toe.

"Okay, don't move. There's glass anywhere." Tommy was grateful for the shoes he'd slipped on before leaving his room as he walked over to Jude and scooped her up into his arms.

"I'm capable of walking!" she giggled slightly masking her frustration.

"On broken glass? Right Super Girl."

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, though her smile betrayed her amusement as he carried her into the lounge and gently settled her onto the sofa. She instantly pulled her foot up onto her lap and began to pry the piece of glass out of her toe, wincing in pain as she did so.

"I can do that," Tommy offered but she brushed him away.

"I can handle it!"

With a frustrated sigh he retrieved a broom and dustpan from a hall closet and swept up the remains of the glass bowl. He glanced into the lounge to find the sofa empty. Light was spilling out from the bathroom as he checked the hallway and he peered into the room to find Jude rifling through a cupboard. "Where are the bandages?" she asked when she spotted him at the door.

He directed her to a drawer and she crouched down to retrieve them. "So you _really_ wanted the cereal?" he asked with an amused smile.

She glared over at him as she took out a bandage and sat down onto the floor. "I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?"

He walked over to her and wordlessly took the bandage from her hand. "Well, I had a burglary scare, and a hormonal pregnant woman craving cereal and throwing every emotion in the female range at me - all in just a matter of minutes. It was quite a memorable experience." He took the bandage and carefully wrapped it around her toe, his fingers lightly grazing the soft skin on the top of her foot, an action both noticed but neither acknowledged.

"I can't help it," she murmured softly as she gazed at her toe forlornly. "I don't _want_ to act like this," she glanced over at him, noticing his shoulders shaking with silent laughter, "and it's not blinkin' funny!" She hurled a towel at him and he leapt to the side to avoid it.

"Actually, it really is!" He ran from the room as Jude pointlessly tossed additional artillery after him, including a bottle of shampoo, a tooth brush and a rubber duck.

When she returned to her room a few minutes later the desktop lamp was on and a bowl of cereal was waiting on the desk with a note:

_Cocoa puffs are your favorite right?  
Enjoy.  
Love,   
Tommy_

She sat down and picked up the spoon, a smile playing on her face as she began to eat.

---

Jude had just left one of the bathrooms at G-Major and was talking with a studio musician when Sadie called out to her from the reception desk. Jude glanced up to see Justin casually leaning on the desk as Sadie waved for Jude to join them.

Excusing herself, Jude slowly walked over. She frowned slightly as she eyed Justin. She'd enjoyed her meal with him yesterday but hadn't really expected to see him again. They hadn't exchanged numbers and had gone their separate ways on the street. She didn't even know his last name. "Hi," she smiled as she reached him.

He moved away from the desk and walked over to meet her, "Hey, I was just passing the building and thought I'd drop in and say hi."

Jude tilted her head to the side slightly, an amused smile on her face, "Really?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged, "Okay, you caught me. I really wasn't in the neighborhood but I wanted to come see you. Are you busy?"

Jude glanced back at the studio she'd been working in with Tommy. He and Kwest were in the middle of mixing one of her songs and she'd been filling in time till they needed her to record again. "Um, not so much. Would you like a coffee?"

He nodded and she led him through to hospitality and prepared two coffee mugs. She sat down across the table from him and eyed him warily. "So…" She trailed off.

He wrapped his hands around the coffee mug, allowing the warmth to soak through and warm his hands. "Look, I know you have a boyfriend or whatever. I just thought maybe we could hang out. You know? Be friends and all of that."

Jude tapped her finger against the side of her mug as she stared down into the liquid. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I guess that would be okay."

He smiled happily. "Great. I was thinking of going to see the new Ben Stiller movie tonight. Do you want to come?"

Jude chewed on her bottom lip before taking the plunge, tossing reason to the wind and answering. "Sure."

---

Tommy gazed through the glass walls of the studio and watched as Jude chatted with a familiar looking guy in hospitality. He frowned as he tried to place the face.

"Is that the guy Jude was in the tabloids with yesterday?" Kwest asked as he glanced over Tommy's shoulder.

Tommy nodded, "Yeah. I think so."

"Do you know who he is?"

He spun his chair back and forth absentmindedly, his mind no longer on the song they were working on. "Not really."

As he watched, Justin touched Jude's arm briefly as he continued his animated conversation. A few moments later Jude burst out laughing, her eyes sparkling as a huge smile broke out on her face.

Tommy leaned forward in his chair, propping his elbow up on the soundboard as he watched the scene playing in front of him.

---

Jude shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her coat as she strolled down the street with Justin. "Wow, its cold," she murmured and watched dreamily as her breath wafted up into the dark night air.

Justin shrugged his jacket off and began to wrap it around her shoulders. "No, you need it." She shook her head.

"I'm fine," he assured her as he helped her put her arms through the sleeves, "I don't feel the cold so much."

"Well, thanks." Jude wrapped the jacket tightly around her self and hugged her arms around her middle.

"Here we are!" Justin opened the door of the Cineplex and ushered Jude inside.

"I love movie theatres," she said smiling as she glanced around the crowded room. "The smell of pop corn, the excitement; It's great."

Justin nodded as he took out his wallet and joined the queue to buy the tickets. "My favorite part is the trailers."

Jude's eyes widened, "Me too. My sister hates them. Whenever we go to the movies together she's always stalling so we can arrive after them. I hate it. She thinks they spoil the movie."

"That's half the fun!" Justin shook his head incredulously as the queue shuffled forward.

"I know. It's crazy." Jude smiled. "Hey, I can get my ticket." She pointed out as Justin ordered tickets for two.

"No, it's fine. I just got my paycheck last night and the money is totally burning a hole in my pocket."

"Well I'm getting the popcorn then." She wasn't too sure about letting Justin buy her ticket. It seemed too much like a date.

"Deal."

---

Tommy listened intently as the door to the apartment opened. He could hear Jude talking with a guy. Pretending as if he hadn't noticed their presence and was on his way to his room he stepped out into the hallway.

"Oh, Tommy. Come meet Justin." Jude instructed as she motioned him over to the door.

Jude was standing inside the apartment, her hand on the doorknob as she chatted with Justin who was leaning against the doorframe casually.

"Hey Justin," Tommy extended a hand and Justin shook it. The two eyed one another warily, each sizing the other up.

"Justin and I just got back from the new Ben Stiller movie," Jude informed Tommy, "It was hilarious." She smiled to herself and Justin joined her.

"Didn't you just love that scene at the end?" he asked.

Jude giggled, "Oh and the bit where he walked into the house-"

"-And looked out the window!" Justin had continued the sentence but it didn't seem necessarily to complete it as the two laughed to themselves.

Tommy leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched.

Justin eventually stopped smiling and glanced over at Tommy again. "So you two live together?" he asked.

Jude glanced at Tommy furtively then back to Justin as she shook her head slightly, "I'm staying with Tommy for the time being until I work out somewhere else to live. We're trying to keep it quiet so-"

"My lips are sealed," Justin replied.

"Thanks." Jude smiled brightly. "Well, the movie was great. We should totally do it again sometime. You should bring your little sister. I'd love to meet her. I feel like I practically know her after hearing you talk about her all night."

Justin looked embarrassed as he covered his face with his hands for a moment. "Ugh, I always do that. I'm such a softy."

Jude shook her head, "No, it's sweet." She was smiling brightly and gazing at Justin somewhat adoringly. Tommy fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Anyway, I'd better get home. I have a test to study for tomorrow." Justin stepped away from the door.

"Oh, don't forget your jacket." Jude took of the denim jacket she was wearing and handed it to him.

"Thanks." He took the jacket and waved. "Good-night. Nice to meet you Tommy."

Tommy nodded but didn't smile, "You too."

"Bye Justin." Jude closed the door and turned to Tommy. She smiled. "So how was your night?"

"Uneventful," Tommy replied with a shrug. Jude pulled her hair back into a ponytail and tied it with a rubber band from her pocket. He watched as she walked into the kitchen and poured herself an orange juice. Eventually he shook his head slightly and moved away from the wall to return to the movie he'd been watching in the lounge.

---

Tommy paused at the apartment door, his keys jingling in his pocket as he reached for his jacket. Shaking his head he turned and walked back to Jude's door. The door was open and Jude was chewing on the end of her pencil as she frowned at the sheet of paper in front of her. "Jude?" he asked.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. "I thought you'd left for G-Major already."

"I was just leaving." He walked into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed across from her.

"Uh-oh," she smiled playfully and remarked, "You're wearing your serious face."

He smiled and rolled his eyes before once again getting serious. "I was wondering about Justin…"

She put her pencil down and turned in her chair to face him, "What about him?" she asked expectantly.

"How do you know him?"

"We met the other day."

Tommy was surprised. "You don't know him from school or something?"

"We know some of the same people. He's friends with this guy from my English class and we went to the same primary school though I didn't know him then…"

"And you're hanging out?"

She frowned at him. "Yeah, Tommy, what are you asking?"

He shrugged. "You just, don't really know him."

"All friendships start somewhere. We're getting to know one another."

"It's just… the timing is kind of bad…"

"So I should what? Not have any friends for the next five months?"

He groaned and lay back on the bed till he was staring up at the roof. "I don't know if I trust him," he finally admitted.

"Well I don't think you're basing that on anything!" she responded in frustration.

He propped himself up on his elbows to look at her, "I'm concerned about you."

"I can look after myself!" He raised an eyebrow in an implying manner and she shook her head angrily. "Don't you dare throw that in my face!"

He sat up quickly and raised his hands in a surrendering motion, "I'm not. Okay? I'm just trying to look out for you."

She turned back to her desk. "I think you should get to work. You're going to be late."

"Jude?" he pleaded.

She began to write on her notepad then referred to something in a book. "I'll see you this afternoon," she responded with a dismissive nod.

Sighing, he left the room.

---

**Teasers for Chapter 19: Remember?**

_On screen was displayed a forum topic entitled 'Is Jude pregnant?' In the thread various people were discussing a new fan rumor. Someone had posted one of the paparazzi images of Jude talking with Justin and pointed out that she had a slight bump. _

_---_

_She felt her heart flutter at his words as dread crept into her heart. "Are you having second thoughts about all of this?"_


	19. Chapter 19: Remember

_AN: Pretty big chapter. Please read and review!_

**Chapter 19: Remember**

"Jude!" Sadie looked alarmed as she motioned Jude over to her desk when she arrived at work that afternoon. "Have a look at this." Jude dropped her bag on the desk as she walked over to Sadie. Sadie pointed at something on her computer screen and Jude leaned forward to peer at it. "I was on the forum on your official site," Sadie was saying, "And I saw this…"

On screen was displayed a forum topic entitled 'Is Jude pregnant?' In the thread various people were discussing a new fan rumor. Someone had posted one of the paparazzi images of Jude talking with Justin and pointed out that she had a slight bump. One member had brushed it off pointing out it was probably the material of her shirt, another remarked these rumors were always circulating and virtually never true, still others agreed it was a possibility and wouldn't it 'be exciting'.

Jude frowned as she looked away from the screen.

"Are you okay?" Sadie asked as she reached out and touched Jude's shoulder. "It's not the first rumor like this you know? Last week someone on the forum was detailing some elaborate theory about you having a twin sister who lived in England. Last year someone else started a pregnancy rumor. I'm sure no one will take it seriously."

"But it's true," Jude whispered in a stage whisper.

"You two are looking rather serious."

They glanced up to see Tommy leaning against the desk. Jude looked away, still annoyed about the conversation that they'd had that morning but Sadie didn't notice. "Look at this." She pointed to the screen and Tommy leaned around to see it.

He exhaled slowly as he scanned the words on screen, "Oh." He remarked softly.

Jude let out a frustrated growl as she slipped past Sadie and started across the lobby. Tommy called after her but she shook her head, waving him back. "I'm fine." she called in a seemingly cheerful but shaky voice.

---

Jude glared at the wall in front of her as she put down the lid on a toilet seat and sat down. The G-Major bathrooms certainly had really become her refuge the last couple of months. She ignored Tommy's knock on the door and his frustrated instructions to let her in. Normally she would accept his reassurances, and hope for a comforting hug but right now she wanted to be alone.

She was upset about the comments he'd made that morning, mostly because she realized he was right. Her attitude toward Justin had surprised her. Normally she was shy around guys and avoided spending time with them. Yet here she was; pretending to secretly date Tommy Quincy and hanging out with Justin on the side. Not only that but she'd also revealed that she was living with Tommy to a virtual stranger. Should he take that information to the media; Darius would kill her.

She moaned and put her face in her hands as she determined to breathe deeply. She wanted to trust Justin. She couldn't explain it but there was some driving desire to just not be so skeptical and reclusive and allow her self to open up to another person. She'd done it with Tommy, somewhat, but that was different.

Sometimes she just wanted to run away, to get into her car and leave Toronto far behind her. Had it not been for her career and contract she would have done so. She could have her baby in secret and give up for adoption as if the entire thing hadn't even happened. Then she could return to her life like a normal girl.

It would all be so simple but then simple had never been a word to describe Jude. She always took the hard road and embraced the challenge. Should now be any different?

"Jude! Seriously! Let me in," Tommy's angry voice called as he pounded against the door.

She glanced over at the door in surprise. She thought he'd given up. "I don't feel like talking, Tommy." she called dismissively.

"It's not up for negotiation!"

She swore under her breath as she walked over and unlocked the door. Tommy glanced around then quickly stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "I've talked to the webmaster and they're going to remove that thread." he explained as he turned to face her.

She shrugged, "So what? They'll just start another. Next thing we know it'll be in the tabloids."

"We can buy more time."

She walked over to the sink and splashed water onto her face. Tommy leaned against the wall as he watched her. "Maybe we should stop stalling and just come out with it." she remarked with a casual shrug.

He raised an eyebrow as he watched her then shook her head. "I don't think you're ready for that." he remarked softly.

She glared at him. "What makes you think you know everything about me all of a sudden, Tommy? You don't!"

He sighed and pushed away from the wall. He began to pace in the small space as she watched him warily. "There will be paparazzi everywhere." he pointed out. "You won't get a moment's peace without someone shoving a microphone in your face and asking you questions. Everything you do will be scrutinized and discussed. You'll be living under a microscope."

"It never bothered you," she responded defiantly. "If I had a penny for the number of crazy and stupid things you did in your Boyz Attack days. You were in the tabloids every day!"

Ignoring her remark he walked over to her and leaned forward somewhat menacingly. "In case you're forgetting, this doesn't just involve you and personally I'm not ready to lie to the world!"

She felt her heart flutter at his words as dread crept into her heart. "Are you having second thoughts about all of this?"

"What? No! I-" he paused and glanced about him wildly. Finally he swore under his breath and marched out of the room without another word. Jude was left to watch his departing figure as she ran a hand through her hair and shivered.

---

Jude was sitting on the G-Major steps, facing into the deserted alleyway. She held a piece of notepaper in her hands and as she stared aimlessly at the brick wall in front of her she slowly tore it to shreds; slowly and deliberately releasing each torn piece of paper to the gentle breeze drifting through the alleyway. The wind would catch the paper and attempt to lift it into the air, initiating a momentary struggle between air and gravity before the paper sadly wafted down to the ground.

Jude didn't notice the door open behind her as she watched one piece of paper struggling in the air in front of her. Her heart willed the paper on in its desperate attempt to defy all odds. Her eyes followed it up, up, up and then down, down, down, sadly as the paper plummeted to the ground. She glanced up when the person standing next to her slowly crouched down to sit beside to her on the steps. She didn't say anything.

"Hey," Tommy finally murmured.

"Hey," she responded in a tired monotone.

He reached over and gently tugged the remaining scrap of paper from her fingertips, "What's this?"

She shrugged her shoulders violently. "It was a song but it's no good."

Tommy turned the paper in his hands until the few remaining lyrics were upright and readable. "I should be the judge of that." he remarked casually.

She tilted her head to the side and glared at him resentfully before returning her attention to the scraps of paper in front of her. Occasionally a gust of wind would grab at the corner of one tired piece of paper and attempt to drag it along the ground. The paper would tumble along helplessly for a short while before collapsing in defeat.

"In a chilling river, on a little blue boat; surrounded by emotion, alone we did float," Tommy read quietly and Jude covered her face with her hands, "What's sitting in the sunshine, when you could choose this cool breeze and see your breath floating, like an…" He trailed off as the rest of the words were missing.

"Like an old memory," Jude finished quietly.

He leaned back on the step, propping himself up on his elbows, "I like it," he said quietly.

She took the paper from his hands and tore it in half before tossing it high into the air, "I don't."

They watched in silence as the two pieces of paper floated around one another in the air, engaged in a silent and doomed dance as they slowly fell to the ground. Jude pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, softly tapping one foot against the ground.

"I'm sorry about before." Tommy offered quietly from beside her.

She shook her head in frustration, "You don't have to apologize."

He sat up suddenly, gently placing one hand on her shoulder as he urged her to face him. "Jude I-"

"Jude!" They both turned to see Justin waving to them from the street at the end of the alleyway. Jude turned away from Tommy and smiled as she waved to Justin. He ran over to join them and Tommy's hand slid from Jude's shoulder. "Hey," Justin paused, temporarily out of breath from running over, "I was just coming to see you." he explained.

Jude smiled as she looked up at him, "What's up?"

"I saw this at an old bookstore," He pulled a small leather bound book from inside his jacket; "I thought you might like it."

Jude accepted the book and ran her fingers over the words on the cover, "Tennyson." Her lips curled into a delighted smile.

"I remembered you saying you really liked his poetry."

Jude nodded and shaded her eyes with a hand as she looked up at him again, "I do. Thanks. This is really sweet."

Tommy had slowly risen to his feet and climbed to the top of the stairs. He paused at the door as he watched the conversation between the two. He frowned as Jude brought up a poem by Tennyson and the two began to discuss it. He hadn't known Jude loved poetry or Tennyson. He berated himself over the fact that Justin, whom she'd known for a mere matter of days, knew an important detail that he hadn't once guessed.

Jude rose to her feet and leaned against the railing as the two continued to talk. From the new position Tommy could see her face as he leaned against the door. Her eyes were sparkling and she looked truly happy; lost in the conversation and then as he watched, her face changed. She frowned, her eyebrows drawing together slightly as she tilted her head and stared at Justin intently. She drew back slightly and brushed her hair behind her ears as the book of poetry slipped from her hands and fell to the ground. Justin leaned down to pick it up and it was then that Jude glanced over at Tommy. Their eyes met and he felt his blood chill at the emotion in her eyes; the confusion and fear. She brushed past Justin who was holding the book out to her and raced up the stairs. Tommy stepped aside as she reached for the door.

"Jude?" he asked. He reached out to touch her but she shied away. Tommy glanced over at Justin who stood at the bottom of the steps, the book in one hand and confusion all over his face. Tommy scowled at him before following Jude inside and closing the door firmly behind him.

---

Jude raced through the crowded G-Major building, oblivious to the startled and curious glances she received from onlookers. She steered clear of hiding in the bathrooms, feeling she'd exhausted that cliché for the day. She paused in front of the door to Studio D before ducking inside. The old, unused studio was dark- due to its central location in the building it received no natural lighting from windows.

Jude sighed as she leaned against the door, slowly inhaling and exhaling. She didn't turn on the light, choosing instead to embrace the blanketing darkness. She slowly slid to the floor, resting the back of her head against the door as she gazed upwards. All she could see in front of her eyes was Justin; Justin in the alleyway just now; talking and laughing with her as they discussed Tennyson and then Justin's face in a bedroom at some random High School party, Justin as he kissed her and…

She let out a strangled sob and put her head in her hands. This was the flashback she'd been afraid of; the flashback that put all the pieces back together and revealed the truth she was so scared to know. It was Justin she'd slept with at the party and Justin who was the father of the baby she was carrying.

She mumbled incoherent words to herself; curses and beratements, angry words of self hatred and shame.

---

Tommy was scanning the G-Major lobby for any sign of Jude. He was determined to ignore the curious glances he'd been receiving during the course of the day. It seemed his visit with Jude in the bathrooms hadn't gone unnoticed and a rumor had started circling regarding their relationship. Someone had overheard yelling and the current theory was that they'd had a lovers tiff; so much for the secret relationship. Tommy sighed. Darius was not going to be happy.

He glanced over at the G-Major entrance in time to see Justin enter the room. Tommy strode over to him angrily, pausing a few feet away from the younger man as he angrily demanded; "What did you do?"

Justin shrugged as he shook his head, "Dude, I have no idea!"

Tommy leaned forward menacingly, poking Justin in the chest with one finger, "I swear if you've done anything I will-"

"Tommy, its okay," Jude's soft voice interrupted. The two guys turned to see her standing behind them, wringing her hands nervously as she gazed down at her feet.

"Jude, are you okay?" Tommy walked over to her, pausing just in front of her as he tilted his head, trying to see her face.

She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes tightly for a moment before nodding gently, "I need to talk to Justin," she explained as she slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

He nodded slightly, "Do you need me to-"

"I can do it on my own," She pinched her lips together in a forced smile and tilted her head encouragingly, "I'm okay, Tommy." She reached out and touched his arm reassuringly. "Thanks."

Tommy glanced over his shoulder at Justin one last time, sending a warning message with his eyes before he strode away.

---

Jude strode past Justin, cutting a quick path through the people crowding the G-Major lobby as she quickly approached the big double doors. She firmly placed her palms against one door and shoved it open before closing her eyes momentarily as she walked out into the blinding sunshine.

Justin was quick on her heals, "Jude? What's going on?"

She spun around to face him, her eyes flashing. "I remember." she spat angrily.

He shook his head, confusion still in his eyes, "Remember what?"

"Oh, drop it! This ridiculous sweet guy act, it's not you! You knew I didn't remember and you were willing to just act as if nothing happened and let me go on acting like some naïve fool!"

He sighed and glanced down at the footpath, "The party," he murmured as realization hit him.

"Yes, the party." she whispered.

"Look, Jude. I'm sorry, okay? I regret what happened and what I did and if I had a chance to do it over I'd have done it differently."

She rolled her eyes, "Trust me; you don't even know what regret is." She turned away from him, watching as cars passed them on the street and people strode past. "You took advantage of the situation," she accused, "You knew I was drunk. I could barely stand. How could you possibly think I was capable of consenting to something like that?"

"I thought-"

She spun around again, "_No_, you didn't! You didn't think, you didn't care, you're such a… a… guy!"

He smiled at the remark and Jude felt herself growing angrier. "I'm sorry, Jude." He shrugged.

She shook her head, "Me too. You have no idea."

He frowned as he watched her disappear back inside the G-Major building, baffled by her statement.

---

Sadie frowned at Tommy as he paced the G-Major foyer. Numerous times he sat down on one of the comfortable couches, glaring at the walls and raking a hand through his hair, only to leap to his feet a moment later and continue to pace about. She had glanced through the glass doors to the street out front and watched her sister talking with the boy on the street. She recognized the glimmer of anger in Jude's eyes, the way she threw her hands about as she spoke and the frustrated pout on her lips. She was angry.

She glanced at Tommy again, pretending to busy herself with paperwork. His body language was tense and the way he constantly fiddled with his hair or straightened his shirt showed that he was trying to distract himself. Sure, she couldn't read Tommy as well as she could read her sister but it didn't take a body language expert to work out that he was worried.

---

**Teasers for Chapter 20**

She could vaguely make out Tommy's reflection in the pool of water between them. She saw his entire face darken as he stood up and turned away. She lifted her eyes and watched as he punched the wall angrily.

---

Eventually he walked over and extended a hand to her. She smiled and accepted the offer of help and with his assistance she managed to stand to her feet on the slippery surface. "Want me to deal with Justin?" He asked. He was still holding her hand and they were standing close together in the relatively large room. There was a newfound intensity in his eyes as he searched hers.


	20. Chapter 20: Questions

AN: Please read and review!

**Chapter 20: Questions**

Jude was on her knees scrubbing the linoleum covered floor in the kitchen when Tommy arrived home. He dropped his keys on the table in the hallway and peered through the open door to her bedroom. "Jude?" He called.

"In here," came the breathless response.

He quickly stepped through the living room and peered into the kitchen. "What on earth are you doing?"

She rolled her eyes and continued to furiously scrub a spot in the corner of the floor, "Cleaning. It looks like you haven't done it in years."

He frowned and leaned back against the wall just inside the door. He crossed his arms over his chest, "I have a cleaning lady come through once a month, actually."

She dropped the brush into the bucket of dirty water and wiped her hands on her jeans as she turned to face him, her eyebrows raised skeptically, "Really? Why haven't I seen her?"

He laughed, "You don't believe me? Why would I lie about the cleaning lady?"

She shrugged her shoulders as she fished the brush out of the water and resumed her scrubbing, "Guys lie." She could feel his eyes boring into her back intently but she ignored him. He was waiting for her to volunteer more information but she had no such intention.

"This is about what happened with Justin?" It was more of a statement then a question but she would have chosen not to answer anyway. There was a pause before he asked, "What did he lie to you about, Jude?"

She stopped scrubbing suddenly and leaned back till she was sitting on the floor, her knees bent in front of her. Slowly she spun herself around to face him, ignoring the fact that the floor was wet and the moisture was seeping through her jeans and making her cold. She chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes rose to meet his. She wanted to tell him, she was ready to tell him but as she opened her mouth to speak she felt a terrible sense of dread creeping through her.

Tommy walked over and crouched down in front of her so they were on eye level. He waited silently.

"He's the guy from the party," she admitted softly. She glanced down at the floor, noticing how the lights reflected on the water pooled on the kitchen floor. She could vaguely make out Tommy's reflection in the pool of water between them. She saw his entire face darken as he stood up and turned away. She lifted her eyes and watched as he punched the wall angrily.

"He's the kid's father?" he asked, without turning to face her.

"Uh-huh."

"How do you know?"

"I remembered."

He finally turned to face her again, a perplexed frown on his face. "When?"

She glanced away, shrugging her shoulder almost imperceptibly. "Today."

He squinted at her, "Really?"

She smiled, a small chuckle escaping her lips, amused by his persistence and alarmed by his apparent ability to see through her. "What?"

"It all came back to you today?"

"Okay, fine." She sighed dramatically. "I've been getting little flashbacks for the last week or so. I didn't remember enough to know it was Justin until today."

He nodded, as if it were all suddenly making sense. "You've been acting strange." He smiled, "Well stranger then normal anyway."

She tried to kick him from her spot on the kitchen floor but he sidestepped to avoid her. She pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. Eventually he walked over and extended a hand to her. She smiled and accepted the offer of help and with his assistance she managed to stand to her feet on the slippery surface.

"Want me to deal with Justin?" he asked. He was still holding her hand and they were standing close together in the relatively large room. There was a newfound intensity in his eyes as he searched hers.

She smiled and shook her head, "He's just a boy. I can handle him."

"Thattagirl." he smiled proudly and took a step backward, not seeing the huge pool of water behind him. His foot slid on the slippery surface and he began to fall backwards. Jude grabbed onto his other hand to try to stabilize him but his sudden weight shift threw off her balance and they both went crashing to the floor, knocking the bucket of murky water over them as they did so.

"Ooof!" Tommy had the air knocked out of him by Jude's body crashing on top of him. "Are… you okay?" he managed to gasp out as he looked up at her.

Her eyes softened as she looked down at him, an arm on each side of his chest as she slowly pushed herself up. "I fall on you and you're asking _me_ if I'm okay?" She pulled at her damp shirt that was sticking to her body, grateful to see he hadn't noticed that or the obvious bump it revealed. She sat up next to him as he lay there still trying to catch his breath and began to ring water out of her hair.

Finally regaining his breath Tommy slowly sat up. They sat in the pool of water, facing one another. Half of Jude's hair was wet and sticking to her face and neck, with a few strands sticking straight up and Tommy was completely drenched, looking anything but the overly manicured guy he normally appeared. The two eyed one another, their eyes sparkling before bursting into laughter.

---

Jude was sitting at the kitchen table clad in Snoopy pajamas and bear feet slippers, with a notebook open in front of her. She frowned in concentration, chewing on her bottom lip occasionally as she scribbled words and musical notes down at breakneck speed. Events with Justin had been the crack in the damn of emotions she'd been failing to communicate in song. She'd been writing songs for the last hour without pausing once.

Tommy paused as he retrieved a can of beer from the fridge, eyeing her frenzied writing. She didn't even look up as he smirked to himself and opened the can.

Jude's cell phone, which had been sitting on the table next to her, began to vibrate and play a quick tune to signal an incoming text message. Jude frowned; finally tearing her eyes away from the paper as she impatiently snatched the cell phone and clicked a button to bring the message on screen. Her eyebrows drew together and she glared at the screen before casually dropping the phone on the table and resuming her writing.

Tommy's eyebrows rose in interest. He took a casual sip of his beer before asking, "Who was that?"

Jude's eyebrows rose almost high enough to touch her hairline as she shrugged. She squinted at the page in front of her; her eyes narrowing as she crossed out an entire verse and began to rewrite it. Realizing he wasn't going to get an answer anytime soon, Tommy strolled over and before she realized what he was doing, picked up the cell phone and clicked a button to display the message.

Jude's head spun around to glare up at him. "Did I say you could read my messages?"

He smiled charmingly, "You didn't say I _couldn't_…"

Her eyes narrowed even more as she snatched the phone from him and shoved it into the pocket of her jeans. "It's from Justin, okay? I didn't think it was worth bringing up."

Tommy pulled a chair out from the table and sat next to her. He ignored the sparks shooting from her eyes as she glared at him. Yes, he could read the signs and realize that she didn't feel like talking right now, but he could also realize the majority of the anger currently being shot in his direction really belonged to Justin. Perhaps a little hormonal mood swing was also adding to it.

"Is it the first you've heard from him?" he asked as he took another sip of his beer.

"It's the fifth text today." she sighed, her shoulders drooping. "I think I'm just going to ignore them."

He nodded. "I think that's the best thing, girl."

She forced a smile, trying to reassure him that she was really okay and he didn't need to worry. Finally she glanced from her page and back to him pointedly. "Um, I've really got a good flow going with the songs right now so if you wouldn't mind?"

He stood up, lifting his hands in a surrendering motion. "All right, all right, I know when I'm not wanted." He grinned as he walked backward toward the door and she turned in his chair to watch him depart.

"I wouldn't go that far." she responded softly. She tilted her head slightly, "Um, thanks Tommy, for being here for me."

"Anytime girl." he smiled and turned as he left the room.

---

Jude and Sadie had decided to have lunch out after a busy week at G-Major. The two were seated at an outside table at one of their favorite cafes. It was a beautiful sunny day and the weather was finally starting to warm up. Sadie donned a pair of sunglasses and leaned back in her chair, gazing up at the sky and watching as white clouds flittered past. Jude had her elbows propped up on the table and was watch the condensation form on the side of her glass of lemonade.

"I love days like this," Sadie remarked as she lifted her arms above her head and stretched. A waiter delivered their food and both girls smiled their thanks.

Jude picked aimlessly at her salad, stabbing into a slice of tomato and moving it around the plate. Some days her appetite was fine and other days food just didn't appeal. Her morning sickness had passed but occasionally she'd get a small bout of nausea.

"So who was that guy at G-Major the other day?" Sadie asked casually as she sipped her Diet Coke through a long pink straw.

Jude tensed at the words and didn't meet her sister's gaze. She shrugged casually and popped the slice of tomato into her mouth. She chewed slowly and glanced over at Sadie. The dismissive shrug had only further attracted Sadie's attention and she was watching Jude intently. She shrugged her shoulders and raised her eyebrows impatiently. Jude sighed and swallowed the tomato, wincing as she did so. "What guy?" she asked.

"The one you were fighting with outside. The guy Tommy was threatening before you came over and interrupted."

Jude shook her head, "Him? Oh, he's no one. Just this guy I knew from school…"

Sadie leaned forward in her chair, resting her knife and fork on the plate she interlaced her fingers and eyed her sister. "You should be careful." she declared.

Jude threw her eyes skyward, "About what, Sades?"

"Guys." Sadie declared as if it were the most obvious thing. Jude nearly choked on a leaf of lettuce at her sister's words. _'Too late'_ she thought to herself. "You and Tommy are doing great," Sadie pointed out, "But he's the jealous type. You should be careful."

"Trust me, its fine." Jude responded dismissively. Though Sadie allowed her to drop the subject she didn't look convinced.

---

Jude stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom as she ran a comb through her long blonde hair and purposely kept her eyes on her face. They had a tendency to drift down to her growing stomach and that was something she was determined not to dwell on at this moment in time.

Today was a big day. It was her last day working with her tutor to complete her High School diploma. Thinking back over the last couple of months she almost found it hard to imagine that she'd actually achieved what she had in such a short time but she'd worked hard, lost sleep and probably acquired a few premature grey hairs for the efforts.

She frowned at her reflection. '_Come on Jude, this is big. You should be proud of yourself'_. Her eyes fell to the floor as she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. She remembered Sadie's High School graduation and how proud her parents had been. They'd thrown a huge party of family and friends and taken millions of photos of Sadie in her graduation robes. Jude wanted that so much… a happy day with her parents proud of her.

She sighed and lifted her eyes to the mirror in front of her once again. She chewed lightly on her bottom lip as she looked herself in the eye. _'You are strong, independent and brave. You can do this. Deal with it!'_ She spoke loudly; with Tommy at work she was the only person in the apartment and a self lecture wouldn't attract unwanted negative attention to her mental health.

She nodded to her reflection and smiled. Granted, it was a shaky smile that was more forced then genuine but the sentiment was right. She nodded again. '_You can do it'_ she repeated one more time before walking out the door.

---

Tommy confidently strode down the crowded Toronto street. His hair was perfectly styled, his leather jacket had just the right amount of age to make him look rugged and his dark sunglasses gave off the air of mystery. He rolled his eyes and ignored the glances he received from numerous women as he passed them.

Smiling he nodded to Kwest who was waiting for him at the entrance to a bar a few doors down the road. The two did a complicated hand shake as Tommy took off his sunglasses and slid them into his pocket as they entered the building.

"How's Jude?" Kwest asked once they'd ordered their drinks and seated themselves at the bar.

Tommy shrugged, "She's doing okay."

"Who's that guy she's been hanging around with?" He nodded his thanks to the barman as he slid a glass of beer his way.

Tommy made a face as he rubbed the back of his head. He fixed Kwest with a pointed look and catching the meaning of his unspoken gesture; Kwest's eyes bulged.

"He's the-"

Tommy raised a hand to stop the torrent of rather loud words, "Keep your voice down will ya! I don't want every tabloid journalist in town catching drift of this!"

Kwest shook his head and gulped down some beer. "So… is this good or bad?" Tommy frowned and Kwest continued. "I mean, the reason you two lied about everything in the first place was because she didn't remember what happened but now you do. Maybe you could just change course at this point and tell the truth?"

Tommy shook his head. "The guy's an ass."

Kwest smirked, chuckling softly under his breath. "Is this logic talking or jealousy?"

It was Tommy's turn to laugh, though his laughter sounded forced. "You're totally of base here. It's nothing like that."

"Whatever, man." He reached inside his jacket and took out a magazine. "I take it you haven't seen this yet?" He slid the magazine along the bar to Tommy. "Page four."

Tommy flipped through the magazine till he arrived on a page of pictures of Jude and Justin arguing outside G-Major. "You've got to be kidding me!" he muttered. The heading read: 'Trouble in Paradise for Jude and her new guy? And where's Tommy?' in big bold letters and beneath it was a long winded article of theories, rumors and speculation regarding Justin's identity and relationship to Jude.

"Quite the scandal," Kwest remarked as Tommy closed the magazine and downed half his glass of beer in a few seconds flat. He slammed the cup down on the bar top and swore loudly.

---

When Tommy arrived home later that night Jude was behind closed doors in her bedroom. She'd been quiet that morning and he decided not to mention the tabloid story then and there. What would one day of peace hurt? He hung his jacket in the hall closet and walked into the kitchen. He aimlessly perused the contents of the refrigerator before grabbing an apple and seating himself in front of the television.

Jude appeared at the doorway. Her hair in a loose ponytail and she was dressed casually in tracksuit pants and a loose T-shirt. "How was work?" she asked.

"Fine. I met up with Kwest after."

"That's great. Hey, there's dinner in the oven for you." She left the room and he went and retrieved his plate of food from the oven. He smiled to himself and silently thanked God for the wonderful rewards of having someone who could cook in the house.

He was eating at the kitchen table when the doorbell rang. Judging by the pounding base coming from Jude's room she had her stereo on and hadn't heard it. He wiped his mouth with a serviette and hurried to open the door. A delivery man was standing there with a bouquet of flowers. "Delivery for Jude Harrison," he said as he handed Tommy a pen and clipboard. Tommy nodded and signed for the flowers.

Closing the door a moment later he glanced at the card on the flowers.

_Jude,  
I'm really sorry about everything. Can we just get together and talk?  
-Justin_

Tommy eyed the door to Jude's bedroom before taking the flowers with him to the kitchen. He frowned and paused in front of the trash can before shrugging away the warning voices in his head. He opened the lid and deposited the flowers inside. It was for Jude's good, he told himself. He was protecting her.

---

**Teasers for Chapter 21: Pretend**

_Darius wasted no time getting to the point as he slapped the palms of his hands against his knees and declared; "I want to go public about the pregnancy this week."_

_---_

_Tommy shook his head, a smile tugging on his lips. He glanced over at her and winked. "Do you trust me?"_

_Jude's eyebrows rose onto her forehead dramatically as she leaned back against the door and crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay," She dragged out the second syllable, her eyes sparkling; "Now I'm really starting to worry."_


	21. Chapter 21: Pretend

_AN: Here it is! Longest chapter ever, 10 whole pages. There's more Jommyness in the next chapter. I've actually only written two scenes for it so far which is why our teasers are a little minimal. I really hope you guys like this. Please comment and let me know your favorite parts. :) _

**Chapter 21: Pretend**

It was a drizzly Monday morning, five months into Jude's pregnancy when the latest bomb was dropped. Jude hadn't heard from Justin over the last couple of days and had held firm to her conviction not to respond to her text messages.

In other items of relevance; the trash had been emptied and filed away at the landfill, though the relevance of such a fact would be completely lost on Jude.

"Jude, Tommy, my office; five minutes!" Darius called into the G-Major lobby as Jude and Tommy were discussing a song at the door of Studio B.

Jude glanced at Tommy nervously, raising one eyebrow inquisitively, "Any idea what that's about?"

He watched Darius' departing figure and shook his head, "Not a clue but my guess is it isn't good."

---

Jude felt that familiar caged feeling as she walked into Darius' garishly decorated office. The room was large but somehow it still managed to make you feel as if the walls were slowly closing in on you. The room lived and breathed Darius – to such a degree that even when the man in question wasn't there himself his ego still filled the room. You still felt nervous being in that space, like perhaps the walls would start barking out commands and reprimands.

Tommy guided her into the room with a hand on the small of her back and she realized it was the first time he'd touched her in days. She shook her head slightly as she wondered why the fact had even occurred to her. She took a seat on the sofa and Tommy sat next to her, close enough that their legs were touching as he took her hand and held it between his. She flushed slightly at the caring gesture while reminding herself it was simply a part they were playing.

Darius wasted no time getting to the point as he slapped the palms of his hands against his knees and declared; "I want to go public about the pregnancy this week."

She heard Tommy sigh softly as her eyes widened and she blurted out, "Already?"

Darius raised an eyebrow and motioned to her stomach, "It's probably a little on the late side actually. People have been noticing around the office, it hit fan forums a few weeks back and even the tabloids are starting to theorize."

"But-" Jude noticed Tommy looking at her stomach as if he truly hadn't noticed the change until now. She glared at him pointedly, motioning her head ever so slightly toward Darius' and he quickly glanced away. She sighed. "When?"

"Today."

Speaking up for the first time, Tommy shook his head. "That's too soon. We need time to get our heads around it and to work out what we're going to say."

"You've had weeks to 'get your head around it', T." Darius spoke through gritted teeth, his tone implying he wished he didn't have to talk to Tommy at all.

"Please, Darius?" Jude pleaded, "Just a couple of days?"

Sighing dramatically, Darius glanced over a wall calendar, "It's Monday. I'll give you until Wednesday. I'll book a press conference for One AM. I want a write up submitted to me by Tuesday evening of what you're planning to say and you had better spin this well." He leaned forward menacingly, holding each of them in his gaze for a few seconds before waving his hand toward the door dismissingly.

---

"So… what's our back story?" Jude asked as she and Tommy drove home in the Viper from G-Major that afternoon. The weather had picked up and the sun was now shining, though the air still held a slight chill. He glanced over at her, frowning for a moment in confusion regarding her question. "You know," she shrugged her shoulders, "What's our story? If we want to sound convincing we should have our stories match. When did we start dating, what did we do on our first date? How long have we been dating… that kind of stuff?"

Tommy smiled to himself and temporarily returned his eyes to the road as he changed direction suddenly, veering right onto a road that led out of city.

Jude gripped the armrest as they turned sharply. "Where are we going?"

He shrugged as he slid on a pair of sunglasses. "The apartment's boring. Let's go relive our first date."

Jude was smiling as she shook her head, the cool breeze causing her blonde hair to billow around her face haphazardly. She was frustrated with the tangles and mess the breeze was causing and completely oblivious to the admiring glances Tommy would send her way as he thought to himself how beautiful she looked today; she was actually glowing. "You've finally lost it." Jude remarked, snapping Tommy from his reverie. "I mean, I knew it was coming but now we're there. You're making no sense whatsoever."

He shook his head, a smile tugging on his lips. He glanced over at her and winked. "Do you trust me?"

Her eyebrows rose onto her forehead dramatically as she leaned back against the door and crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay," She dragged out the second syllable, her eyes sparkling; "Now I'm really starting to worry."

He shook his head, his eyes fixed on hers and causing Jude momentary alarm at his lack of attention to the road. His expression grew serious as he refused to let her avoid the question. "No, really, do you trust me?"

She blinked against the cool breeze in her eyes as it caused them to tear ever so slightly. She snuggled down in her seat so that the windscreen was shielding her more adequately. She nodded, her eyes fixed on his. "Yeah, Quincy, I do."

---

Jude flipped through radio stations in the Viper while waiting for Tommy to return from the grocery store he'd ran into. She eventually settled on a channel playing Death Cab for Cutie and leaned back in her chair. She smiled mischievously as she pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her feet on the seat and knowing she'd get a scolding from Tommy for it when he returned.

She turned to look out the window at the people passing by in the parking lot. A mother was wheeling a cart of groceries to a car as her six year old son played hide and go seek behind parked cars, constantly calling to her to 'guess where I am, Mommy!'. There was a 13 month old baby in the children's seat in the cart, contentedly playing with a kid's rattle and cooing as the mother wheeled the cart the rest of the way to the car.

Jude didn't realize she'd been smiling to herself over the small boy's antics as he peeked around the back of a car and made faces at his little sister, causing her to giggle hysterically.

"They're cute," Tommy remarked and Jude spun around in surprise to find him sitting in the driver's seat next to her. She'd been so lost in her observation of the children that she hadn't heard him load the bags into the trunk or open the driver's door.

"Yeah," she stuttered, "They are."

He started the engine and the car roared into life. Jude shot concerned glances at him as they drove, waiting for the near certain reprimand regarding her feet being on the seat. It never came.

---

Jude felt a chill of excitement as Tommy turned the viper off the main road and started driving down an old dirt road. The road led into a forest and she inhaled the scent of pine needles. "Do you actually know where you're going?" She asked as she closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat.

Tommy shook his head, "Where's that trust we were talking about before? Have a little faith, girl."

She opened her eyes again, stretching in her seat as she looked up to the treetops above them. "I just never thought of you as nature boy is all. Not unless hair gel grows on trees."

"Hey!" he scolded, "I can live without hair gel." He made a sideways, clearing swipe in the air with one hand. "No problem."

She grinned, "If I weren't such a kind hearted person, I'd hold you to that statement."

He nodded to the road ahead of them and Jude focused her attention ahead to see that they'd driven into a grassy clearing. To their left was a bubbly stream and there was even an old picnic table located beneath a majestic old willow tree. "We're here." Tommy remarked.

"Wow."

He killed the engine but made no move to get out of the car. Jude's eyes were darting around her as she took in the vibrant green of the trees and grass contrasted by the blue of the stream. She really didn't get out of Toronto enough. The city could never compare to the beauty of nature. "Jude?" Tommy asked gently. He tilted his head, trying to get her attention and catch her eye. "Hey Jude," he repeated and she instantly fixed her attention on him, glaring ever so slightly for the clichéd use of her name and the song it was from. "Sorry, couldn't resist." he smirked. "Look, I have an idea and you're going to think it's crazy."

"I find crazy ideas are usually the most fun."

He nodded slightly and turned to watch the stream flowing past the car. "Well, then good. My idea is role-play."

Her eyes rose skeptically. "Um, huh?"

He turned his attention back to her. She could see the mischievous sparkle in his blue eyes. "When we're around Darius or Sadie we pretend to be someone else right; when people are watching? Let's pretend that they _are_ watching, right now."

She shook her head. "I don't understand."

"Let's pretend this is our first date and that we're all the things we've been saying. We'll play the part; think the way we would, act the way we would and create our back story in the process."

She rolled her eyes, "You're right. That is crazy!"

He leaned toward her ever so slightly and asked softly, "But fun right?"

She glanced away, laughing to her self a little. "Okay, its nuts but lets do it."

---

Tommy led Jude to the edge of the stream and scrambled around on the ground in search of something she couldn't quite place. She'd admit she was concerned as she watched him occasionally get on his knees and rifle through the smooth pebbles that lined the rivers edge. Eventually he stood to his feet once again and held his cupped hands out to her. Tentatively she stepped forward and held her hands together beneath his. He deposited a pile of smooth flat stones in her hands and she frowned at him.

"Okay, you've lost me." she remarked wryly.

He motioned to the river, the stones in her hand and then the car. "You skip stones, I get everything ready."

She shakes her head, "I can't skip stones. It's like, ingrained in my DNA. If throwing a stone in the water and watching it sink the moment it touches the surface could be a sport – I would be the world champion. Me and skipping?" she shook her head, "We're not on the best of terms."

He tapped her on the top of her head and she playfully glared at him for the condescending gesture. "Practice makes perfect."

He started walking away and she somehow managed to put her fisted hands on her hips, clutching the pebbles inside as she glared after them.

He turned around and while walking backward remarked, "And no looking at anything but the river." He motioned to her hands, "I want to see at least five skips by the time you're done."

She rolled her eyes and turned back to the water. Despite the fact that her first couple of stones sank as if they were made of lead she was still smiling. She looked up into the sky and watched as puffy white clouds flittered across the deep blue. She was tempted to glance back at Tommy but didn't dare. The funny thing, she realized, was that she was actually happy and kind of… excited to see how their day would turn out. Anticipation was an unexpected thing.

She skipped a few more stones on the waters smooth surface and smiled as one made at least three leaps before sinking. And just as Tommy had said, practice began to make perfect. She grinned to herself as she chose an exceptionally perfect and flat stone from her collection. She stroked it with her thumb and raised her hand to toss it to the water then froze. Hoping Tommy wasn't looking, but not daring to turn to check, she quickly slipped the stone into her pocket then resumed her skipping.

---

Tommy did his best to refrain from staring at Jude as he prepared the picnic. She was truly stunning today and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes off her. He smiled ruefully as he carried a picnic basket over to the table; he wasn't going to find this whole pretend first date scenario hard to relate to. Heck, he kind of wished it were real. He took out a checkered red and white table cloth and spread it over the tabletop. He was going all out for the picnic cliché.

A few moments later the table was covered with a variety of delicious foods; ranging from chips and dip to candy and beverages. So it wasn't the healthiest meal but that really wasn't the point. A bouquet of flowers was set in the middle of the table and he pulled one pink rose loose.

He stepped back and surveyed the table, frowning slightly. Tommy was a perfectionist but perfection was hard to muster at short notice. Had he had more time to plan he would have come up with that little something to make this day unforgettable. As it was he was simply had to hope he could come up with something before the day's end.

He slowly strolled over to Jude and watched as she perfectly skipped a stone three times before it sank. He walked up behind her and slipped his hands over her eyes. "I see you and skipping are on better terms now?"

She laughed, "Is my attention now allowed somewhere other then the river?"

"It's very much required," he responded as he leaned a little closer, so his breath tickled her ear.

She put her hands up and lightly touched his as they turned and started walking back to the table. "Can I look yet?" she asked.

He smiled, "No."

"How about now?" she asked a second later as she playfully elbowed him.

He paused in front of the picnic table and rested his chin on her shoulder lightly. "Now," he said softly as he removed his hands. He retrieved the pink rose from his pocket and handed to her as he stepped away. He motioned to the table, "It's not that great really. I can do better but-"

She cut him off with both her radiant smile and words, "I love it."

---

Jude lazily dangled her feet in the icy water of the stream as she sat by the river's edge. "I ate too much," she remarked with a groan.

Tommy's eyebrows rose in emphasis as he remarked, "Hey, you're just embracing the whole 'eating for two' thing."

She nodded as she gazed out over the water. "Exactly. There's gotta be some perks right?"

She silently and unashamedly watched him as he sat on the stony river side next to her. He was fidgeting, both from her unwavering gaze and the uncomfortable stones. She smiled. He really didn't fit this whole nature scenario; it made him uncomfortable, she could tell.

He tried kneeling but that didn't work, obviously sitting back didn't help either. Eventually Jude took pity and suggested they go and sit underneath the willow tree to get out of the sun. He happily accepted. She was instructed to wait while he retrieved some blankets from the car. He spread out one for them to sit on and set another next to them for later when it got colder.

Jude sat on one half of the blanket and Tommy sat across from her, and then there was the silence. She smiled to herself as she looked down at the blanket, watching an ant slowly makes it path across the vast expanse. "Can we seriously not think of anything to say?" she asked as she glanced over at him.

He grinned, "Awkward first date scenario? Check."

She lay down on the blanket, one hand resting on her stomach and the other beneath her head as a pillow. She could glimpse patches of blue sky between the leaves above them. "I wish we didn't have to go back to G-Major tomorrow." she remarked softly.

Tommy had lay down down across from her and at her words he glanced at her. "We don't. We can e-mail or fax Darius the information he wants. We don't have to go back till Wednesday."

Jude's eyes danced, "We could run away." she joked.

Tommy nodded, "Like Bonny and Clyde."

"Or Thelma and Louise."

"Only if I get to be Thelma." she laughed and he closed his eyes as he savored the sound.

"Life's full of surprises, isn't it?" she asked a few moments later, suddenly serious. "I mean, six months ago… I couldn't have imagined this. Six months ago you didn't speak to me outside of the studio, my parents still spoke to me and things with my career were going so well. It was perfect."

"My not speaking to you was perfect?" he feigned injury at her words but she rolled her eyes, not buying it.

"It was wonderful, Tommy."

"Hey!" he playfully swatted her arm but she just laughed.

The silence settled upon them again and Jude found herself frustrated by its presence. There was so much that could be said, so much they both wanted to say but yet there was something holding them back. This wasn't one of those scenarios where you get time alone with the person and suddenly realize you've got nothing to say and there's absolutely no chemistry. She and Tommy had a lot to say and, well, the chemistry thing just had her baffled.

She rolled onto her side so she could gaze at him once again. The corners of her lips curled into a smile as she observed the results of her staring. Who'd have thought it would be so easy to unnerve Thomas Quincy?

"Tell me about yourself." she instructed.

He rolled on his side to face her, meeting her stare as they entered a silent stare off. "There's not much to tell."

"Yeah, right. How old where you when you joined Boyz Attack?"

"Sixteen."

She laughed, "Don't elaborate or anything. Did you have to audition?"

"Yes and it was the worst experience ever. I was so nervous. Each call back I was certain they'd come to their senses and tell me to get lost."

"But they didn't. Was superstardom all it was stacked up to be?"

He shook his head but didn't break the stare; she saw his eyes sadden slightly. "Not at all."

"And before Boyz Attack?"

"Childhood."

She'd have rolled her eyes if it hadn't meant breaking the stare and losing the battle. "So easily summed up in one little word. What did you want to be when you grew up?"

"Superman."

She grinned, "Did you have the little suit and cape?"

"At this point I choose to refrain from answering that question."

There was a lapse in the questions as she fought to control her laughter. "Okay, okay, do you have siblings?"

Finally the staring battle ended and Jude found herself the disappointed victor. Tommy rolled onto his back again and gazed at the leaves above them. "A sister."

"Did you get along when you were kids?"

He shrugged, "We were your average brother and sister; hating one another one day and inseparable the next."

"Is she older or younger?"

"Younger." He sat up suddenly and Jude frowned at his back. The mood and atmosphere had changed and she wasn't sure what she'd done. He shook his head and put a hand to his face though she couldn't see what he did with it. "Let's not talk about my family." He said it so casually but she could have sworn when he turned to face her that his eyes were misting.

She frowned but let the topic drop. "Okay, new question; how'd you get that scar on your forehead?"

He glanced away and she once again got that chilling feeling she's said something wrong. He shrugged as he watched the stream run past them. "Let's not talk about that either."

She let out a frustrated groan and sat up, pulled her knees up to her chest and shaded her eyes with one hand. "Is there anything we can discuss?" she asked, frustrated.

He forced a smile, "How about you, Rock Star?"

She rolled her eyes, "You know all about me."

His expression was strangely intense as he shook his head, "That's not true."

She shrugged, "Ask away then."

"Did you want to be a singer when you where little?"

She plucked at the grass beside the blanket as she nodded. "Since I first opened my mouth and sang. Mom says I learned to sing before I learned to speak."

"What was your first song about?"

She smiled and though was staring at the grass Tommy got the feeling she was really seeing her memories. "My favorite stuffed animal; Robby. He was an iguana. I wrote this song about his family and childhood. I performed it for Mum and Dad and Sadie. Halfway through Sadie joined in and began to move Robby like around in her arms like he was dancing to the song."

Tommy's expression was thoughtful as he asked, "What one song defined your childhood?"

"Broken," She bit her bottom lip and paused before continuing. "My Dad had an affair when I was ten. I found out about it before my Mother did and he asked me to lie for him. I hated being in the middle, I hated that he'd betrayed my mother. She was the one he cheated on but I felt as if he'd cheated on all of us, as if suddenly his family didn't matter to him anymore."

Tommy was nervous to voice his suspicions but tentatively spoke, "Do you think you might have trust issues with guys because of that?"

She didn't look at him as she nodded, "Yeah."

---

**Teasers for Chapter 22**

_Her eyes flickered over his and he could see the hesitation and questions dancing about in their depths. Finally she closed her eyes, blocking out her uncertainty to him. It was all the urging he needed._

_---_

_His eyes grew thoughtful as he gazed ahead of him. "It's strange. I normally notice everything about you." The words were out of his mouth before he could think or take them back and his eyes widened at the realization of what he'd said._


	22. Chapter 22: Date

_Finally a new chapter - all 4,200 words. Yet again it's an extra long chapter. Sorry it took so long. I jut moved house which is incredibly time consuming and exhausting. Let me know what you thought, your reactions to certain bits and your favorite scenes etc. All that good stuff..._

**Chapter 22: Date**

An hour of casual conversation passed. Jude found herself skirting various topics she guessed would rank on the 'Tommy list of things not to be discussed'. It seemed there were a lot of things that weren't meant to be said. She found it unnerving but determined to brush it off. This was just a first date right? No, wait; it was a pretend first date… The point was that conversation should be lighthearted.

Jude frowned to herself. She didn't even know what first date conversation _should_ be. She'd never been out with anyone after four teenage years of avoiding guys and pushing people away. Look where that had landed her; in the middle of nowhere on a fake date with a perfect guy; tangled so deep in a web of lies she was starting to lose sight of reality.

She shivered a little as the sun began to dip toward the horizon and a soft evening breeze began to tease her bare arms. Tommy noticed and scooped up the spare blanket. He moved closer and wrapped it around her shoulders gently. Jude didn't fail to notice the fact that he didn't move away from her again but instead settled on the rug mere inches from her.

It wasn't lost on Tommy that Jude leaned toward him slightly as the sun continued to dip toward the horizon. It was half obscured by the tree tops as threw he caution to the wind and wrapped an arm around Jude's shoulder. When she didn't pull away he gently pulled her toward him until she was leaning back against his chest. She had her arms wrapped around her torso and he wrapped his arms around hers, placing one warm hand over hers and resting his chin on her forehead as they sat in peaceful silence.

This was one of those moments, he realized. Those moments when things happened, when confessions where made and lives were changed. He just wished this moment were real and not some glimpse into an alternate universe not complicated by lies.

They really were trapped in a web of lies, only now it was as if the strands of the web were strings and they were puppets dangling from those strings; their lives, their actions, their very feelings dictated by their ongoing untruths.

Jude twisted in his arms and he loosened them slightly as she turned to look up at them. "You look serious," she remarked so softly it was almost a whisper. "What are you thinking about?"

He closed his eyes tightly for a millisecond – a blink that was more then a blink – as he pushed reality from his mind and once again became the player in the scene they were acting. "You," he responded huskily.

Her eyes flickered over his and he could see the hesitation and questions dancing about in their depths. Finally she closed her eyes, blocking out her uncertainty to him. It was all the urging he needed as he leaned down and lightly pressed his lips to hers.

Her eyes fluttered open at the soft feeling of his lips against hers but she didn't pull away or question the moment. He thought to himself what an amazing actress she would make if she ever decided to be a double threat. Like him she embraced the role they were playing and as she moved her lips against his, he couldn't help but think what an amazing reality this would be.

---

It was almost completely dark. The sun had set but the air was a pale shade of navy as apposed to a midnight blue. Jude could still glimpse the ebbing glow where the sun had disappeared. Wordlessly, she and Tommy had agreed to stay where they a little longer. They'd been huddled together in the blanket as they watched the sun set. Occasionally they'd kiss a tender and gentle kiss that neither seemed capable of escalating.

Perhaps one could only go so far with a fictional date before reality grabbed onto your shirt tale and began to slowly drag you back. Whatever it was they'd shared for the last hours had been strange but special. Jude found her trepidation regarding the press conference slowly starting to ebb away. She and Tommy were stronger in their fictional relationship; like a married couple who'd spent time with a counselor and found themselves once again.

Tommy had gone to turn the headlights on in the viper. The bright lights shone over the picnic bench and their spot beneath the tree, creating jutting angles and strange shadows on the grass. Jude lay back on the ground, the palms of her hands resting on her subtly swollen stomach. She didn't notice Tommy as he slowly walked back to her, his hands in the pocket of his jacket and his eyes on her.

He slowly lowered himself next to her. His eyes drifted to her stomach as he remarked softly, "You know, I never actually noticed your…" He paused, cringing slightly as he ran a hand through his hair and glanced away, trying to think of the right word.

"I think they call it a bump these days," Jude responded casually, her eyes closed against the bright lights.

"Right," He smiled to himself. "I didn't notice your bump." His eyes grew thoughtful as he gazed ahead of him. "It's strange. I normally notice everything about you." The words were out of his mouth before he could think or take them back and his eyes widened at the realization of what he'd said.

Jude's eyes shot open and she gazed over at him silently, trying to make sense of his statement. "Oh." she finally remarked softly. She ran her hand over the swollen curve, smiling to herself slightly at the thought of her child growing inside. It was creepy and special, miraculous and scary all rolled in to one. "Do you want to have kids one day?" She asked Tommy. The question was random, as if she'd just plucked it out of the cool night air drifting around them.

He lay on his side on the ground next to her, their bodies almost mimicking their positions earlier that day only now they were more relaxed. "Herds," He responded.

Jude laughed, "You might want to check with your wife about that first. She might not be so enthusiastic about delivering your 'herds' of children."

He laughed too before jokingly remarking, "Come on, women always want to have my babies."

"Ha!" Jude slapped his arm lightly, "Ego much?"

He quirked one eyebrow, "Is it really ego when it's reality?"

She eyed him silently, trying to decide if he was joking or completely serious. She shook her head, her eyes on his before she erupted into soft giggles again.

"I want a boy and a girl," Tommy spoke into the still night air when silence settled on them once again. "I think that's a pretty perfect set."

"Which do you want first?"

He shrugged, "It really doesn't matter. It would be nice to have an older brother to look after the sister but then it's always a good advantage for a girl to be bigger then her brother right? I really don't mind either way. What about you?"

She made a face, "In case you haven't noticed; I'm having one."

"Right. Totally hadn't noticed," He made a face, "I meant in the future. What do you want family wise when you're older?"

She glanced out at the stream, barely able to make it out in the darkening night. The headlights would catch the occasional ripple of water as it ran past. "I hadn't really thought about it, to be honest. I don't' really see myself as the family kind of girl. I'd probably be a terrible mother-"

"You're going to be a great mother," Tommy interrupted her. She lifted her eyes to meet his and from his steady gaze realized he meant every word.

"I guess things are going to be strange, anyway," Jude remarked. "Going into a relationship having already had a kid and everything…"

"If the guy's bothered by the fact that you already have a kid then he's not worth having around."

Jude nodded. Tommy was expecting her to keep the child and she still hadn't made that decision. She still didn't know if she wanted to go into the rest of her life dragging some poor kid with her.

---

Perhaps it was the lazy atmosphere, the excessive food consumption or just the exhaustion of pregnancy but Tommy soon noticed that Jude had fallen asleep on the blanket next to him. He'd been lying on his back next to her, his warm hand wrapped around her tiny one as he gazed up at the stars above them.

His eyes softened at the peaceful look on Jude's face and careful not to disturb her, he disengaged their hands and got to his feet. He made fast work of packing up the picnic things then returned to where Jude was sleeping. As carefully as he possibly could, he scooped her up into his arms, shifting her slightly and hugging her to his chest as he carried her over to the car.

He reached down with his hand and pulled the reclining lever on the passenger seat till it went back as far as it could then placed Jude on the seat. He raced back to the picnic area and retrieved the blankets. He wrapped both around her for fear she'd get cold in the night air.

He frowned at the road ahead of them as he drove the Viper down the darkened dirt road. Their fantasy time was over and he wasn't ready to let go just yet. He glanced over at Jude's sleeping form in time to see her stirring in her seat. Her eyelids fluttered open and the first thing she glimpsed were his eyes on hers. She glanced above her, then around her, slowly inching up in the seat. "Where are we?" she asked groggily.

"Heading back to Toronto." As he spoke they reached the main road and he stopped the car to wait as a stream of traffic went past.

Jude made an unhappy face which stretched into a yawn that she hastily covered with one hand. "Do we have to?"

Tommy had been asking himself the same question and at her words he glanced over at her again, searching her face to see how truly genuine her question was. "It's late, it's cold and we didn't bring anything with us – not even a change of clothes."

She shrugged, "So we'll rough it. I happen to know you have a jar of hair gel in the glove compartment for emergencies such as this."

He rolled his eyes, chuckling softly, "Would you stop with the hair gel comments?"

She leaned toward him and he almost pulled away; he hadn't been expecting the newfound proximity. She put a hand on his arm as it rested on the gear stick. "I will if we run away together. You said yourself; we don't have to go back just yet."

He paused for a moment then nodded. "Okay, there's a town a few miles up the road. We'll go there."

She sighed happily and leaned back in her chair once again. "Thank-you."

---

Tommy drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as the car journeyed through the ink black night on the course to its newfound destination. A road sign flew past the car indicating that they were only a few miles from a nearby town. He smiled.

He actually knew this small, unassuming town quite well. He'd spent a few summers there as a child. One of his best friend's families had moved there and for the first few years after the move, Tommy would go and visit and stay for a few weeks. Laketon possessed all that was wonderful and charming about small towns.

He slowly drove up the main street. There were a few cars parked on the side of the road and the occasional couple strolling hand in hand down the sidewalk. Tommy pulled the car over in front of a small restaurant he remembered visiting a few years back. Jude glanced at him curiously but he simply put a finger to his lips in a 'Shh' motion. He climbed out of the car, ignoring her questions and raced inside.

"Any chance my girlfriend and I could get a dessert?" he asked a waitress at the door.

She smiled and shook her head, "Sorry. We're just closing." She wiped down a table and scooped up some left over plates as she started back toward the kitchen.

"I could make it worth your while," Tommy suggested hopefully.

She turned and eyed him, "You're Tommy Quincy right?" He nodded. "Okay, you've got my interest. How worth my while?"

---

Jude lay back in the reclining car seat, gazing up at the starry sky above her as she waited for Tommy to return. She hardly ever saw the stars in Toronto but here in this small town they seemed to glow and twinkle to such an extent that it was impossible to ignore them.

She noticed the restaurant door opening and sat up in her chair as Tommy returned to the car. "Are you hungry yet?" he asked as he knelt down by the car, resting his arms on the door.

She smiled, "A little. Why?"

He stepped back and opened the car door, offering a hand to help her out. "This Restaurant makes Sundaes that are to die for."

As she waited he quickly put the top up on the Viper, having noticed the dampness of the night air. She noticed the Restaurant's hours printed by the door as they walked inside. "But Tommy, they're closing."

He led her with a hand on the small of her back to an intimate table for two by the glass window facing the street. "Not tonight."

Jude was frowning in concentration as Tommy pulled out a chair for her and she slowly sat down. The restaurant had seating for up to a thirty tables but all the other tables were empty. In fact, most of the lighting in the room had been turned off or dimmed so that there was only a romantic glow surrounding Jude and Tommy's table and enough lighting for the approaching waitress to make her way to their table from the kitchen in the back.

"What can I get you?" she asked with a polite smile.

"We'd like two of your famous Sundaes," Tommy smiled and glanced over at Jude, momentarily concerned that she may, like some women, be annoyed that he was ordering on her behalf but she was still too busy trying to analyze the Restaurant that she barely noticed. "Strawberry for me and I believe the lady lives for chocolate." He glanced over at Jude questioningly and her eyes momentarily latched on to his.

"Uh-huh," she nodded absentmindedly, "I like chocolate." She gazed out the window to the street outside, watching as wispy rain drops slowly fell from the sky. The waitress returned to the kitchen and Jude turned back to Tommy suddenly. "Ok, explain please."

He leaned across the table and took one of her small hands in his, gently caressing her knuckles with his thumb, "You have a very inquisitive nature, you know that?"

She glowered at him, though there was only amusement behind her façade of annoyance. "So I like to know what's going on, sue me."

Leaning back in his seat again he shrugged dismissively, "I hired out the Restaurant for us."

Jude's eyes widened, "You didn't."

He nodded, amused by her obvious disbelief.

"Shoot! Tommy, that's… excessive. It's sweet but... you didn't have to, not for me."

He nodded, "I know. I didn't. I wanted one of their sundaes."

Her shoulders drooped and her eyebrows lowered as she glared at him though she didn't fail to notice the flicker of laughter in his eyes or the early twitching of a smile at the corners of his lips. She leaned across the table and punched his arm lightly. "Jerk," she muttered.

He threw his hands up into the air in consternation, "One minute I'm excessively sweet and now I'm a jerk. Women and their mood swings." he remarked in amusement.

The waitress returned a few moments later with two super sized Ice Cream sundaes, each doused in hot fudge sauce, whipped cream and sprinklings. Jude's eyes widened as her chocolate Sundae was set down in front of her. "Oh, I love you," she murmured.

Tommy chuckled as he picked up his spoon and eyed his own Sundaes. He wasn't sure if Jude's comment was directed to him or the waitress or even her sundae. Jude brought a spoonful of whipped cream to her lips and closed her eyes in enjoyment. "Heaven," she murmured.

The two ate in silence, during which the only sound was of their spoons clinking against the clear glass bowls housing their Sundaes. Finally Jude sat back, her hands cradling her belly as she pushed her empty bowl away from her. "Wonderful." she breathed.

Tommy left the table to pay for the meals and Jude watched curiously as he paid at the counter. She had no idea how much it would have cost him to keep the Restaurant open but the sweetness of the gesture wasn't lost on her. She glanced out the window, resting her chin on the palm of her hands as she eyed the street signs and peered further down the street. Spotting a Motel in the distance she made a note to point it out as a possible place to stay for the night when he returned.

---

Jude walked over to the door of the Viper then glanced back at Tommy who'd paused at the door of the Restaurant. She raised her shoulders questioningly. The soft rain had stopped and everything was shiny and clean in its wake.

He motioned down the street. "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" She nodded shyly and walked back over to him. "Are you cold?"

She brought her hands to her upper arms and rubbed them slightly, "A little." He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her but she shook her head. "You'll get cold."

"No, I'm fine. I'm hot."

"And modest too," she remarked with a wicked grin.

Catching her implication his eyes widened. He grinned too. "Well, I'm glad you agree."

"Ha ha," she remarked dryly.

They fell in to step beside one another. He reached over and wrapped his fingers loosely around hers. The streets were empty except for the occasional passer by. Store fronts were dimly lit with various colored lighting, causing a rainbow affect, reflected in the puddles still present on the street.

Eventually they left the shops and passed an eerily quiet school. Tommy paused when they'd past the school. His fingers squeezing around Jude's insistently caused her to pause and turn to see what had made him stop. They were standing in front of a small park. A large gazebo sat in the middle, surrounded by a cluster of trees. Soft fairy lights adorned the trees and the rim of the gazebo, casting a soft glow on the area. Gardens lined the path leading to the gazebo and a small fountain bubbled to the right of the park entrance.

"Wait here," Tommy instructed. Jude nodded wordlessly and watched as he ran back up the street to the spot where he'd left the Viper. A few moments later she heard the engine roar into life. There was a momentary flicker of panic that perhaps he would leave her there but she quickly berated herself for thinking Tommy capable of such a cruel thing.

She shifted her weight from one foot to another as she watched the car slowly approaching her. Eventually Tommy parked by where she was standing but before he got out of the car he leaned over and fiddled with the radio. He settled on an old jazz channel then climbed out of the car. He took the top down and the soft tones of the music drifted around the deserted street and toward the park.

He approached Jude and extended a hand to her. "Will you dance with me, Miss Harrison?"

She gazed at him incredulously, "Really? Now? Here?"

He put a finger to her lips and silenced her barrage of questions, "Yes, here, now. Now's all we really have right?"

She nodded sadly. "I'd love to dance with you."

Wordlessly he led her up the path to the gazebo. She hung back slightly as she gazed around her, enjoying the subtle night beauty. Droplets of water reflected the fairy lights as they sat on velvety rose petals. A soft breeze was blowing and the overall effect of the droplets on the flowers was of a sparkling ocean. Jude glanced up as she climbed the three small steps to the top of the gazebo. "This is so _A Cinderella Story_," she murmured as Tommy took one of her hands in his and rested the other on her waist. She placed her free arm on his shoulder and smiled up at him.

The music drifting over to them from the car was soft and almost inaudible but just loud enough for them to make out the rhythm. Tommy effortlessly led her around the circular space and she found herself admiring his dancing abilities. The cheesy dance moves he performed in Boyz Attack adequately disguised a true talent. She rested her cheek against his chest and listened to his heartbeat as the garden sparkled around them.

---

Jude was yawning as she traipsed up the external staircase leading to the second floor of the motel building. She and Tommy had gotten two separate rooms with an optional adjoining door. Having not packed for the trip there was no luggage to be carried and Jude wrapped Tommy's jacket a little tighter around herself as she followed him along the verandah. He paused at her door and unlocked it for her before handing her the key.

She smiled and shrugged off his jacket and handed it to him then stepped through the door. She turned to speak just as he remarked, "I'm sorry tonight wasn't better."

She frowned at him, barely able to make out his face in the dim lighting. "What do you mean?"

"If I'd had time to plan I would have come up with something better but as it was…"

She shook her head emphatically. "It was amazing Tommy, really unforgettable." She smiled. "I think we have the most kick ass first date for our fictional relationship back story that any fictional relationship has ever had." She frowned and thought back over her last sentence, trying to descramble her words and make sense of it.

Tommy laughed and she found comfort in the familiar rumbling sound as she leaned her head against the doorframe. "So, we're back to being us again?" he asked as he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at her questioningly. She was surprised to notice that he looked a little nervous.

She stood up straighter, "I guess we are." She turned to go back inside then paused. "One more minute," she said softly. She walked over to him, closing the small distance that separated them as she leaned up close to him and whispered in his ear, "A good first date should end with a kiss right?" She was being unusually bold, initiating the contact that even in their role play setting was outside of her comfort zone. The husky tone of her voice even sounded unfamiliar to her ears and for a moment she anticipated Tommy to shake his head and bring them both crashing back to reality. But he didn't.

She brushed her lips against his and felt his arms snake around her, pulling her tightly to him as one of her hands slid around the back of his neck. It was as if the breath were sucked from her lungs and her knees had turned to jelly as their lips parted and met for one last, long hard kiss. She finally pulled away, feeling slightly dizzy and aware that if this were some cheesy sitcom comedy she'd probably have fainted. She smiled at him dazedly.

"Okay," she whispered. She glanced down at her feet, feeling embarrassed and nodded her head decisively, "I think we're good. Yeah, um…" She stepped backward blindly and he reached out a hand to stop her before she crashed into the sliding glass door that was only partly open to her room. "So, thanks I guess and um… good-night."

He grinned at her obvious embarrassment and bowed formally. "Good-night m'lady."

She smiled and slid the glass screen shut between them before closing the curtains as Tommy walked next door to his room. When she was sure he was out of sight she leaned back against the door and released a shaky sigh. She'd just completely shocked herself and now her mind was scrambling for an excuse or reason behind her actions.

Eventually she was left with no other conclusion then that Tommy Quincy was just such a great kisser a girl couldn't help herself.

**Teasers for Chapter 23**

_His grip on her hand tightened as he pulled her back toward him. "What's wrong?"_

"_I'm scared something's wrong with the baby."_


	23. Chapter 23: Popcorn

_Ok y'all. Here's the new chapter. It's a little on the short side in comparison to our last two chapters which were extra long. There's some drama coming up in the future chapters so consider this one last breather before we get into that. The last sentence is a little foreboding but I really wanted to use Tommy's line from 'Celebrity Skin'. hehe. _

_I hope you like it. :) Please comment!_

**Chapter 23: Popcorn**

Jude awoke in the night to a strange sensation in her stomach. She'd felt it on and off over the last couple of weeks but it had been so faint and she so preoccupied with the drama in her life that she hadn't given it a second thought. Now in this unfamiliar dark motel room that smelt slightly of cigarette smoke and mold, she felt a familiar fear creeping up from her toes and through her body.

It was the same fear she'd felt as a child when she'd heard her parents fighting downstairs and her mind ran all the scenarios of their divorcing and her family being torn apart. Tracing back further it was the same fear she felt when she pulled the blankets up around her face and shook as she gazed at the strange shadows casting from her closet; certain a monster resided inside.

Fear, she realized, had truly been a friend of hers for such a long time. She was always scared of something or other in the back of her mind and that fear had had a crippling effect in her life. She'd been withdrawn at school and subsequently had had few friends. Of course she'd been withdrawn and skeptical with guys and even on occasion she'd been afraid to take chances with her music.

But this new fear she was feeling was so much worse. It wasn't fear for some ridiculous childhood or teenage reality but fear for another person; her child.

She threw aside the blankets and padded into the bathroom. She flipped the light and blinked at the harsh light. She ran the cold tap and splashed water onto her face then dried it with a towel. Gazing at her reflection in the mirror she was face to face with a tired, terrified young girl.

She'd been afraid of doctors when she was a child and hospitals had terrified her. In her mind at night she would come up with various fictional and real illnesses that could ravage her body and leave her on death's door as a mere child. Every illness she knew of she had at some point convinced herself she had. She'd never spoken of these concerns to anyone, for fear they were real and she would then have to go to a doctor or hospital. Each time beforehand she'd been wrong as she was obviously still here and not the victim of some obscure and strange disease.

She walked back out into the main room and glanced at the adjoining door to Tommy's room. She'd heard him unlock it shortly after he'd gone into his room. He'd called through the door that he'd done so and to let him know if she needed anything. Now she paused with one palm flat against the cool wood as she admonished her fear and scolded herself that was being ridiculous once again.

Most likely it was absolutely nothing and if she hadn't been so scared to research pregnancy she'd most likely know what was happening rather then having something close to a panic attack based on irrational fear. She felt the sensation in her stomach again and without another moment's hesitation she knocked lightly on the door. "Tommy?" she whispered as she slowly pulled it open.

The room was completely dark except for a thin strip of moonlight shining through a crack in the curtains. She could only just make out the shape of the bed in the middle of the room.

"Jude?" she heard Tommy groggily ask. In the darkness she heard him reach around on the bed side table until his hands finally found a lamp. He turned it on and quickly climbed out of the bed. Concern was written across his features as he walked over to her and took her hand in his. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, "I'm being silly. It's nothing. I'm sorry I woke you." She turned to go back to her room but his grip on her hand tightened as he pulled her back toward him.

"No. What's wrong?"

She sighed, "I'm scared something's wrong with the baby. I keep feeling this strange sensation in my stomach."

He led her over to the bed and she sat down at the foot of it. He crouched down in front of her, gazing up at her face searchingly. "Does it hurt?"

She shook her head, "No, it's just… strange."

"What does it feel like?"

She placed the palm of her hand against her stomach, feeling the same popping sensation. "A soft popping, like popcorn or something."

Tommy's face changed from concern to relief and she felt taken aback at his lack of concern. "Jude, its fine."

She frowned, "How do you know?"

"I googled pregnancy a few months ago. They were talking about this on one of the sites, how at first when the baby starts to kick it's so soft you don't necessarily realize its kicking. They said it feels like a soft popping sensation."

Jude's eyes widened as she glanced down at her stomach. "It's the baby kicking." It was half a statement and half a question.

He smiled, "Yeah."

She stroked the curve of her stomach and laughed at herself, "I'm such an idiot."

"No you're not."

Tears pooled in her eyes and she brushed them away with the back of her free hand as the other continued to cradle her stomach. The kicking was stronger now she knew what it was. It didn't hurt, in fact it almost felt kind of nice, comforting even.

Tommy stood up slowly. He walked into the bathroom and returned with a tissue. He handed it to Jude. She smiled a wobbly smile and wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry." she murmured, "I'm a wreck." Her voice was shaky and on the verge of breaking but it wasn't sadness that was behind her tears. More like an overwhelming force of awe.

He crouched down in front of her again, gently placing one hand on her knee. "Its fine." he assured her.

The baby kicked harder and she laughed. "I can actually feel it against my hand," she whispered. "Here," She moved his hand from her knee and brought it to her stomach, placing it over the exact spot where the baby was kicking. "Do you feel that?"

He was surprised by her actions and almost uncomfortable at the fact that he was touching her but Tommy soon felt the slight tapping beneath his fingers. "I do." he laughed. "Wow."

She lifted her face up to his as he moved to sit on the bed next to her. She was still holding his hand against her stomach as the baby continued to kick happily. "Isn't that just the coolest thing ever?" she whispered.

"It is." he nodded. She returned her eyes to her stomach, her lips curling into a smile each time the baby kicked and as he watched her he felt like an honored witness to an intimate first moment between mother and child. "Hey Jude?" he asked. She glanced up at him, momentarily torn from the reverent little world she was dwelling in with her child. "Thanks for sharing this with me."

She squeezed his hand. "Thanks for being here."

---

Jude awoke the next morning to a knock on the adjoining door to Tommy's room.

"Yeah?" she mumbled.

Miraculously Tommy heard her muffled response through the door. He opened it and stuck his head inside, "I'm going to go out and get us something for breakfast."

Her eyes shut tightly; Jude burrowed her face into her pillow, a muffled, "Uh-huh," barely able to escape.

When Tommy returned from the store with coffee, yoghurt and fruit a good half an hour later, he found Jude still firmly attached to her mattress. Confidently he'd opened the door between their rooms after a knock was afforded no answer. The two truly had grown more comfortable with each other.

He crouched down by her bed and waved an orange under her nose, "Up and at 'em Jude, I got your favorite."

Jude responded with what could only be distinguished as "Mmffrll irrlll, Tommy," as she pulled her pillow over head, her hands firmly holding it in place.

Tommy sighed dramatically and fished around in the plastic bag till he found the small one serving carton of strawberry cream yoghurt. He took the top off and sniffed the yoghurt for emphasis, despite the fact that Jude couldn't see, "Mmmm, smells great."

Jude's voice was a lot more clear and despite her best efforts, more alert as she responded, "I'm tired Tommy."

He glanced over at the flashing red numbers on her night stand table, "Its 9:30, we have to be out of her by ten."

"Five more minutes?"

He shook his head, smiling to himself as he circled the Queen sized bed and sat down on the opposite side. Sliding back he ended up sitting with his back to the headboard right next to Jude as he stirred a plastic spoon in the yoghurt, "I read the paper this morning," he started off, knowing she'd be unable to sleep through his constant chatter, "There was an interesting article about chipmunks, quite interesting in fact. Did you know that chipmunks-"

In a flurry of blonde hair and flashing eyes, Jude sat upright just long enough to hurl her pillow at Tommy before collapsing down on the bed and pulling the blanket up around her face. Tommy was just able to deflect the pillow and save from spilling yoghurt everywhere. "Wow," he breathed, "You really aren't a morning person."

"No duh." she muttered.

"Anyway, about the chipmunks-" He watched as Jude's right hand slid out from under the blanket and began to grope around on her nightstand. "Jude, what are you looking for?"

"Something else to throw at you," was her calm response.

"Don't you think it's time you just admit the defeat and join the world of the conscious?" Amusement laced his voice.

She rolled over so she was facing him and lowered the blanket away from her face. Her eyes met his before once again being sealed shut as she declared icily, "I for one choose death."

He threw his eyes skyward, "You're also very dramatic in the mornings." He slid off the bed, placing the yoghurt on the bedside table before walking around to the foot of the bed. Her firmly grabbed the blanket with two hands and began to tug it down and away from Jude.

She sat bolt upright, grabbing onto her end of the blanket with two hands and in a futile manner tried to tug it back. "Oh my gosh, Tommy! You're worse then my mother! I hate you right now."

His eyes danced with mischief as they met hers, "Liar."

She shook her head, trying to keep at bay the smile that was creeping on her face, "Oh, no, I do!"

"That's not what you were saying yesterday. If I recall you thought I was rather wonderful, unforgettable even."

She laughed sarcastically, "I was talking about our date and what's more," She crawled down the bed till she was closer to him, "I was acting."

He nodded and reached for the orange which he then tossed to her. "Very good. Now try acting like the charming and delightful lady I know you can occasionally… rarely… be."

He left the room and she glared at his departing form. Momentarily she considered throwing the orange after him but he'd been right, it was her favorite fruit and she couldn't bear to waste it. "I still hate you," she called after him, though it was impossible to take her words seriously with the amused tone they were spoken in.

Without turning he waved a hand at her, "Love you too Jude."

---

Half way back to Toronto Jude pointed out a rest stop by the side of the road. The scenery was stunning with tall Mountains fading away in the distance, light smatterings of snow glistening in the sunlight on there highest peaks. The rest stop was like a miniature park with lush a patch of lush green grass with park benches surrounded by hedges.

Tommy stopped the car and the two settled on one of the benches as the warm sun bet down on them mercilessly. They had been looking for somewhere to stop and discuss any remaining gaps in their back story; a return to reality neither was anticipating.

"So," Jude began, "This is going to be awkward." Tommy's only response was to make a face as he watched a small sparrow land on the ground a few feet from their table. "So where do we start?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "This is your idea. You're the one who wanted the back story."

"No, I'm the one who didn't want to get behind the microphone and be ousted and humiliated as a liar."

"Kind of the same thing…"

She sighed, her shoulders drooping. "So how long have we been dating?"

"How many months along are you?"

"Five."

"So how about we say a couple of months before that?"

Jude cringed, "I'm going to sound like such a slut."

He reached across the table, covering her small hand with his, "What others think doesn't mean anything," He paused for a moment before proceeding, "We told Sadie we started dating on your birthday, remember?"

She nodded, "Okay, so we started dating June 30th." She gazed away at the distant mountains.

"And we had a killer first date," Tommy pointed out. He tilted his head to catch her attention, smiling sweetly.

She turned back to him, nodding and smiling slightly, "That we did." She paused. "Tom, what about the future?"

He shook his head, not catching the meaning behind her question.

"What if they ask what we're planning to do when the babies born?" She was tentative with her words, knowing this was a subject they'd never discussed on any level.

His expression grew serious as he drummed his fingers against the table top. "That's up to you Jude," The look he gave her was telling that the statement wasn't for the press but for her own personal questions. "We'll tell the press that isn't information we're willing to disclose at this point. We don't have to tell them everything, you know? We have a right to our privacy."

She nodded, a mischievous grin sneaking onto her face, "Well, in that case why are we suffering through this? We started dating June 30th, the baby is due in May, as far as everyone knows we're head over heels in love and Justin is just a name in a baby book somewhere. We're good?"

"We're good."

They sat in silence, enjoying the midday sun for awhile before returning to their car, each pushing all unappealing thoughts of press conferences from their minds as Toronto loomed on the horizon. Justin was metaphorically left in the Viper's dust as it drifted through the air to fall upon the surface of nearby river, slowly sinking to the bottom. It has been said… rats swim.

**Teasers for Chapter 24: Annoucing**

_The night air was chilly and the stars sparkled brightly above her head as she bit the corner of her lip nervously and stood frozen on her parent's doorstep. Footsteps approached and she let out a shaky breath seconds before the door swung open. Stuart Harrison couldn't keep the surprise from his features as he gazed at his daughter. "Jude," He breathed. _

_---_

_Wide eyed she gazed at the sea of media around her and reached forward to position her microphone. "Thanks for coming out today," She began._


	24. Chapter 24: Announcing

_I was ridiculously nervous about the press conference scene and I'm still not overly happy with it but oh well, I'll stop obsessing. I've got a little writers block for the next chapter and only one scene complete so far but hopefully I'll get some inspiration for that soon (hint: long, helpful and detailed comments/reviews are always great for inspiration :P)_

**Chapter 24: Announcing**

The night before the press conference Jude stood in a spot that was both familiar and strangely not. The night air was chilly and the stars sparkled brightly above her head as she bit the corner of her lip nervously and stood frozen on her parent's doorstep.

Tossing her eyes skyward she uttered a quick prayer for courage and bravery as she did something she'd never actually done before – knocked on, rather than just entered, her parent's door.

Footsteps approached and she let out a shaky breath seconds before the door swung open. Stuart Harrison couldn't keep the surprise from his features as he gazed wide eyed at his daughter. "Jude," he breathed.

She shoved her hands deep into her pockets and nudged a small pebble on the welcome mat with the toe of her shoe. "Hi," she whispered.

"What are you doing here?" he said quickly regaining his resolve. She could visibly see his face closing off to her as a dark shadow of iciness settled across his features.

She couldn't bear to look at him as she spoke. "We're holding a press conference at G-Major tomorrow. Rumors have been circulating and I figure it's about time to go public. Privacy isn't really something you get in this career." she sighed. "I just wanted to let you know, give you some warning and all…"

He nodded coolly, "Oh."

She turned and slowly stepped down off the step. She paused and turned back to him, her eyes on the ground. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry I made you ashamed of me." Her voice broke and she choked back a sob as she ran down the path.

She had reached the mailbox when his voice broke the silence previously filled by nothing but the sound of her footsteps. "Jude!"

She turned back to him, tears sparkling in her eyes as she glanced up at him. "I-" he sighed, shrugging his shoulders, unable to say what he wanted, not even sure what that was.

She nodded wordlessly then got into her car and drove away into the cold night.

---

Jude fiddled with the zipper of her jacket nervously as she watched through the doors of Darius office as hoards of media flocked into the G-Major lobby. A table was set up with two microphones and G-Major employees were directing the press to a designated spot in front of the table.

Jude glanced over at Tommy briefly before turning her attention back to Darius. This was the last chance to take everything back before the entire world was involved in their lie.

Tommy was talking to Darius about something though Jude hadn't noticed. She hadn't even heard their words or noticed anything around her except the flash of a stray camera that had accidentally fired before their mark. She closed her eyes, anticipating a sea of flashing white, inquisitive faces, publishers seeing dollar signs and question after question. She could see her fan's disappointment. She could imagine them turning their backs on her just as her family had.

"So you've got the speech?" Darius asked her.

Jude snapped out of her reverie to look up to his surprisingly warm brown eyes. She nodded mutely, holding up the wrinkled scrap of paper in her shaking hand.

He smiled and took her shaking hand in his, cupping both of his big warm hands around hers protectively. "It'll be okay superstar. G-Major's like a family and we're all here for you. Don't let those vultures get to you."

Darius left Jude and Tommy in the room as he went out to greet the crowd. Jude glanced at Tommy one last time as she stood to her feet. He was sitting in the large armchair next to Darius' desk and looking more than a little green. "There's still time to back out, you know," she said shakily.

He didn't meet her eyes as he shook his head. "Not a chance of that." He stood up and straightened the tie he was wearing. Despite the current situation, Jude found a smile tugging at her lips at the site of Tommy dressed so formally. He was taking this all so seriously and she had to admit; he looked ridiculously gorgeous.

Darius voice echoed around the G-Major lobby, "I've invited you all here today to share with you something. I must say that I was shocked at first bur I have come to the conclusion that is in fact exciting news. I'd like to ask at this point for your understanding in the situation. They say the media's heartless and I have to admit there have been moments in my career when I've thought the same but you're all here today and I'd be happy to see myself proven wrong." He paused to look around the see of faces, smiling warmly and charmingly.

"You all know Jude Harrison; the first Instant Star and G-Major's top selling artist. Over the years I've known her, she's become like a daughter to me." He glanced back and smiled at Jude. "Tommy Quincy is someone I've known for at least half a decade. I guess you could say he's like a son to me too, though at times he was more the type that gave you premature grey hair." He stroked his bald head and shrugged, "Not that I've had that problem". The audience loved as Tommy cringed.

"He has been Jude's producer for the last couple of years. They make a dynamic musical duo." He nodded his head slightly, clapping his hands together as he took a few steps back, "And they have an announcement to make so ladies and gentlemen… Tommy and Jude."

Jude felt nausea welling up within her as she walked over to the table though she knew it had nothing to do with her pregnancy. She wasn't aware of Tommy as he followed behind her and sat down across from her. Wide eyed she gazed at the sea of media around her and reached forward to position her microphone. "Thanks for coming out today," she began.

---

Tommy watched silently as Jude addressed the press. They'd agreed after returning to Toronto and before her mysterious departure for an hour or so, that she would do the majority of the talking. Personally, he'd wanted to offer more support and take more of the weight onto his shoulders but Jude was insistent upon independence in the situation.

They'd come up with a long intro about maturity, responsibility and making the most of any given situation but as Tommy leaned back in his chair and pushed away all the self preservation instincts that told him to run the hell away, he watched in horror as Jude completely deterred from their script.

Perhaps it was the bright lights, the intent faces and the sheer nerves of the situation but she went straight to the point. "I'm pregnant."

There was a flurry of commotion that included a barrage of comments and questions and flashing lights. Had the situation been different Tommy would have chuckled at the reporters as they leaned toward the table, each clambering for Jude's attention as they thrust their microphones forward. He found himself admiring the way she didn't allow it to faze her. Her expression was closed off; she'd put up a protective wall that was keeping the media out. She was being so brave.

"Tommy and I have been dating for seven months and I know that considering how young our relationship is – not to mention how young _we_ are – that this pregnancy was irresponsible and inadvisable but it's my reality," she explained. Gradually she returned to the pre agreed speech. "We're in love, happy and committed to one another. Granted there are a large number of obstacles ahead of us but we're making the most of the situation we're in. Tommy is being wonderful and supporting. I plan to continue with my career but at the moment this pregnancy is my main priority." She paused, allowing a gap for the reporters to toss questions their way.

"When is the baby due?"

"May."

"Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"

"Not yet. I haven't decided if I want to find out or not."

"What were your parent's reactions?"

As the questions became more invasive she began to opt not to answer, instead turning to an easier question until there were no longer any left. Tommy's expression darkened as he watched Jude visibly shrink back. He felt anger boiling in him as the reporters became more invasive with their questions.

"Why did you keep your relationship a secret?"

"Jude, you're only seventeen, correct?"

"What is G-Major's stance on teen pregnancy?"

"Jude, what damage do you think your pregnancy will do to your career?"

"Would you consider quitting your music to raise your child?"

"What are your thoughts on the increasing amount of pregnancies and STD's among teenagers?"

"What is your response to allegations that you are a poor role model to your fans?"

"Tommy, what is your defense in regards to probable allegations of pedophilia?"

Tommy's eyes widened and he leaned forward quickly, speaking for the first time, "I'm only four years older then Jude. We could have attended high school at the same time!"

The reporter continued doggedly, "People aren't likely to see it that way. You were in a position of authority. You were Jude's mentor, did you use your influence to seduce her?"

"Stop!" Jude interrupted firmly, "It wasn't like that. I'm insulted that you would even suggest it." The reporter opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off again. "No more questions at this time. Please respect my privacy during this time and give me some peace."

She stood to her feet and Tommy followed; feeling sick to his stomach. It wasn't until the door to his office closed behind them, locking them inside and the media out, that he allowed himself to sigh in relief.

Jude turned to face him, a hand held to her forehead, "I'm _so_ sorry."

He shrugged, "I knew what I was getting myself into."

Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she shook her head, "I didn't."

Silently he walked over and wrapped his arms around her tightly, attempting to comfort her with a warm hug.

---

"This can't be happening," Jude whispered as Tommy's viper pulled up to the entrance of his apartment's parking garage. There was a sea of paparazzi and reporters flocking around the entrance, shoving their microphones and cameras in front of the car as they clambered for her attention.

One reporters question drifted through the closed door of the cars. "Jude, is there any truth to the rumors that you and Tommy are currently living together?"

"Well this probably won't leave much room for doubt," Jude muttered as she sunk down into her seat and pulled her jacket down to shield her face.

Tommy gritted his teeth as he slowly drove through the sea of paparazzi, "Watch the paint job!" He yelled angrily as one reporter's microphone slipped from his hands and crashed into the bonnet of the car.

Finally they entered the garage and security guards stepped behind them to hold off the paparazzi. "It's safe now." Tommy remarked.

Sighing, Jude pulled the jacket down and glanced over at him. "Being famous _doesn't_ rock." She remarked softly.

Tommy chuckled to himself, "Nor does being seventeen and pregnant."

"Nor does being the one everyone thinks got said seventeen year old pregnant…" she pointed out.

"Stop beating your self up over this," Tommy instructed as he pulled into a parking lot and turned off the engine, "I chose to be in this situation."

Jude wasn't convinced as she climbed out of the car and wrapped her jacket tightly around her shoulders to fend off the chilliness of the concrete room. Tommy locked the car and the two were crossing the room to the elevator when a stray paparazzo leapt out from behind a parked SUV and took a picture, the flash blinding them both momentarily.

"Hey!" Tommy ran after the paparazzi, yelling angry threats that echoed on the concrete walls and bounced around the room.

"Wait! Leave him. It's not worth it." Jude pleaded.

He slowed speed and finally stopped, watching dejectedly as the paparazzo disappeared around the corner and out of sight. He turned and slowly walked back to her. "I'm going to talk to management about increasing security," He consoled himself, "I'm paying far too much to have this kind of thing happening."

---

A few days later Jude peered out the tinted glass doors of G-Major at the hoards of Paparazzi and photographers milling about, taking refuge in the fact that she could see them but they couldn't see her. She noticed a van from 'Hollywood Undercover' pull up and cringed at the thought of the merciless gossip columnists who worked for the network.

She was about to turn to go back inside when she spotted a familiar blonde head of hair making his way through the crowd and toward the door. Security stepped forward to stop him and she paused by the door, uncertain of what to do.

"I know Jude," Justin insisted, "Let me in."

"Not without a pass." One guard remarked firmly.

"You!" A photographer called out, "You were seen with Jude a month back. What is your relationship with her? Did you date?"

Justin glanced about him, noticing that for the first time the crowds attention was on him. He blinked as cameras flashed in his face, and put a hand up to shield his eyes as he gazed about them. After a moments reflection he ran that hand through his hair, fixing it up before straightening his shirt a little. He flashed a charming smile. "Yeah, I know Jude. We're old friends, I guess you could say," He glanced over his shoulder at the G-Major lobbies and Jude was startled as his eyes fixed on the exact spot she was standing in. She reminded herself once again that he couldn't see her.

"What was your reaction when you heard her and Tommy's news?" Another reporter asked.

Justin turned back to the cameras, "I guess you could say I was surprised… rather surprised." His tone left room for the reporter's imaginations to run wild and they leapt upon his words like a pack of ravenous wolves, shouting out such a vast variety of questions they got lost in the general din of voices.

Jude gulped as she swung the G-Major doors open. She couldn't let this go any further. She wasn't yet certain if Justin was a friend or ally or even how much he knew but even at the most minimum amount of knowledge he could provide information that would destroy her. She nodded to the security guy, "He's with me."

---

Jude walked into the G-Major lobby, Justin following closely behind her. She caught a brief glimpse of Tommy's surprised face as he walked out of one of the studio as she spun around to face Justin for the first time.

He shrugged slowly, appearing nervous, "I didn't think you'd want to talk to me."

She shook her head, "I don't." She remarked coldly.

There was a rush of movement at her shoulder and she glanced up to see Tommy standing next to her. "You okay?" He asked.

She nodded, "I'm fine."

Tommy shot an icy glare at Justin but didn't say anything. She knew he was itching to tell the guy to get lost but neither of them could do that for fear of what he'd say to the press.

Justin met Tommy's glare with his own icy gaze. Slowly his eyes flittered back to Jude and he lifted an eyebrow suggestively. She felt her blood chill as she realized his implications. He thought she and Tommy were a happy couple and had been so for more then six months. He thought she'd been dating Tommy that night of the party. He thought she'd cheated on Tommy with him and high chances where Tommy didn't know. He thought he could use that against her.

Tommy turned back to Jude, his eyes searching hers. He wanted so desperately to be her Knight in Shining Armor and make the problem go away but they were skating on thin ice and were both keenly aware of the fact. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" Tommy asked.

Jude glanced at Justin, "We'll just be a second."

Tommy led her to the other side of the lobby with a hand on the small of her back. Once they were out of earshot of Justin he spoke, "I don't trust this guy."

Her eyes fell to the floor, "Me either."

"Jude. Let me deal with this." He lifted her chin with one finger, his eyes pleading with hers, "I'll make this go away."

She smiled, shaking her head softly, "Thank-you, really, but I need to do this on my own."

He shook his head, speaking earnestly, "But you don't have to."

She touched his cheek slightly as she leaned toward him, "I know," She whispered, "I do. But I got myself into this situation and it's time I stood on my own two feet and dealt with my own problems."

"He could ruin everything, Jude." Tommy warned.

She nodded seriously, "I know." She touched his arm lightly, "Don't worry. I'm looking out for us." She smiled reassuringly before walking back over to Justin. Glancing over her shoulder she saw Tommy pause, grappling with himself for a moment as he fought the urge to march over and save her. She waved him off subtly with one hand and finally he departed to his office. She turned back to Justin to see that he too had been watching Tommy depart, an angry expression on his face.

"So," She began, "We need to talk."

**easers for Chapter 25**

_She cut Justin off again, "And what's more; you're such a coward that you just slipped away in the night. You didn't stick around to face the consequences; you didn't even leave a note. I woke up alone to the terrifying reality that something happened, something I couldn't even bear to think about and you just returned to your little reality completely unaffected. I couldn't even remember what happened. I couldn't even remember your face. Do you know how terrifying that was?"_


	25. Chapter 25: Confrontation

_So I'm still having computer dramas but I've managed to scrape this together for you guys._

Since I first mentioned it my laptop has essentially been shoved away in my closet collecting dust and sulking until my friend could take a look at it. We dropped it off as his place today and hopefully he can fix it or at least diagnose the problem.

All of this chapter (save the first scene which was written months back) was handwritten in my trusty little notebook which might have a negative effect on its quality. I tend to abbreviate when I write things by hand since it's so slow and I usually grip the pen too tight and my hand cramps. Not to mention that I write too fast and have a difficult time reading my own writing when it comes to writing it up...

I have been writing a lot and probably have a couple of chapter's worth of scenes ready. However they're all random and the story isn't quite up to them yet. I have four scenes that are all in a row so when we reach those a new chapter should appear instantly. hehe.

Now I'll stop babbling and actually let you read the chapter.

**Please comment! I've been in real review withdrawl these last couple of weeks!**

**Chapter 25: Confrontation**

Justin leaned against the soundboard in Studio B as Jude paced the room slowly. He smiled as he glanced about him, "I hear these things are soundproof. You're not planning on murdering me are you?"

Jude's head snapped around as she glared at him, "What are you doing here Justin? With everything that's going on… are you here to cause trouble?"

He shook his head, "I'm here to see you. I'm not happy with the way things ended."

She shrugged, "I'm fine with it. Can't we just leave it at that?"

He pushed away from the soundboard and moved toward her but she shrunk away, turning her back to him as she crossed to the other side of the room. "I don't get why you're so mad at me?"

She turned to gaze at him witheringly, "You've got to be kidding me."

The doubt in his eyes showed the lies behind his words and she hated him for it. "You're scum you know that?" She threw a hand up as she spoke. "You took advantage of an intoxicated girl at a party. Did you know that's actually classified as rape in some places? You knew I wouldn't have consented if I'd been sober. Heck, I remember saying no even when I was drunk but you didn't listen did you? You just kept pushing until you manipulated me into doing what you wanted. What kind of person does that?"

He opened his mouth to speak but she raised a hand to silence him. "Did it have anything to do with who I was? Was it some ridiculous teenage boy bet to see if you could sleep with the famous chick? Did you go and brag about it to your friends afterwards?"

He spoke up quickly, "It wasn't like that. I-"

She cut him off again, "And what's more; you're such a coward that you just slipped away in the night. You didn't stick around to face the consequences; you didn't even leave a note. I woke up alone to the terrifying reality that something happened, something I couldn't even bear to think about and you just returned to your little reality completely unaffected. I couldn't even remember what happened. I couldn't even remember your face. Do you know how terrifying that was?"

His expression was pained and he raised his hand in a pleading motion, mouthing the words, 'I'm sorry.'

"And then you got a second chance; you saw me and you could have stepped up and admitted what happened but you didn't. You took advantage of another situation and lied to me. You really are a coward." She paused, a hand still raised to silence him as she inhaled slowly, attempting to calm herself. She began to pace slowly again but her anger wasn't dissipating, only growing.

"I hate this!" She motioned at him wildly, "I hate the fact that you get to walk away unscathed with little more then the slight nagging of your conscience on occasion while I have to live with the consequences every day for the _rest of my life_. You went on with your life and one day I realized there was no way I could ever do that again. When I found out I was pregnant I was completely and utterly _alone_. I had to tell my parents and what was I supposed to say… I never knew his name and I can't even remember his face?"

Justin's eyes widened as she spoke and too late Jude realized what she'd let slip in her barrage of angry words. "So it's mine?"

She sighed and stopped her pacing, lowering her face into her hands momentarily before looking back at him, "It is. I never slept with Tommy. You're the _biological_ father but don't be expecting any father of the year awards." 

"Jude, I'm so sorry."

"I had to lie to everyone. You know that? You left me with no other option. I couldn't bear to tell them the truth that I couldn't remember anything. I couldn't bear to be that pathetic girl who lets something like that happen to her, so I lied to my family and I lied to my friends. My parents kicked me out of the house and I nearly lost my job. Tommy put his own life and career on the line to support me when you weren't anywhere to be found."

"I would have helped you if I'd known," Justin argued.

"But I couldn't find you to tell you could I!" Jude yelled. Her voice broke and her hand flew to her mouth to stifle the sob that broke loose. She swore loudly as she spun around and began to pace again.

"I'm sorry," Justin said quietly. "I know you won't believe me and I know it's the most pathetic cop out in light of what happened but I _am_ sorry. I didn't realize. I never understood the consequences. I would have done things differently. I wouldn't have done what I did."

Jude stopped to gaze at him, "But here we are. So what are you going to do now?"

He gulped, glancing about him wildly, suddenly feeling trapped in the small room. "I have to get out of here," he muttered before tugging the door open and disappearing through the crowded G-Major lobby.

---

"You okay?" Tommy strode over to Jude quickly as she slowly walked out of the studio, the palm of one hand pressed to her forehead as if to warn away the migraine she could feel coming on.

She glanced over at the front door Justin had departed through some ten or so minutes earlier and shrugged helplessly. "I'm really not sure about much of anything right now."

He put a hand on her shoulder and led her over to a sofa in a secluded part of the room. "What happened?"

She folded her hands in her lap as she sunk down onto the soft surface. Scratching at her chipped pink nail polish she shrugged her shoulders dejectedly before slowly raising her eyes to meet his. "I told him, Tommy. I didn't mean to it just came out before I realized but…" she shook her head as tears pooled in her eyes, "He knows everything. He knows the truth."

He watched her as she sat shivering on the sofa next to him, muttering numerous apologies that left him to wonder; was she truly more concerned about the possible damage her actions would do to him or to her?

He wondered what would happen between them if the truth did come out. Most likely she'd end up moving out and their relationship would return to the miserable state it had been. Darius would probably fire him simply on the ground's that he'd lied and Jude… would she be better of? 

Even if Justin did the best possible thing he could do in the situation – taking responsibility, sharing the burden, offering financial support – he was still the stranger who'd taken advantage of her. Would he leave after three weeks of dirty diapers and being woken up by the baby crying in the night?

And what of Justin and Jude's relationship? Would they end up in some circumstance driven relationship that resulted in a loveless marriage and years of fighting and 'staying together for the kids'. Would he end up hurting her again? What if… what if Jude fell for him? What if the rest of Tommy and Jude's working relationship consisted of him watching from the mixing room, through that impenetrable glass wall as she and Justin played the perfectly happy couple?

Of course he was fine with that. If it was the best thing for Jude then why would he care? He wanted Jude to be happy…

The whole train of thought was silly anyway. It was all based on Justin stepping up and being a decent human being, two things Tommy highly doubted the guy was capable of.

So why'd he dislike him so much? What was he basing his assumptions on, other than, of course, Justin's dark history with Jude and Tommy's gut feeling that had him balancing between overprotective big brother and jealous boyfriend when it came to Jude.

"Contemplating the Universe there?" Jude had calmed down somewhat in the ten or so minutes that had passed in silence and now had her head tilted to the side as she gazed at him, a small smile playing on her lips.

He groaned and rubbed his forehead with his index and middle finger in an attempt to ease the tension. He shrugged, "My head hurts," he conceded jokingly.

She patted him on the back, "That's what happens when you over do it after too little exercise. Your mind just isn't used to thinking very hard." Her eyes were dancing teasingly.

"Well, you bounce back quickly," he remarked in mock irritation. "Seconds ago you were being so nice and concerned about me and now this!"

Her eyes softened at the reminder, a flash of guilt dancing in their depths as her hand returned to his shoulder, slowly running down his arm apologetically. "Sorry, couldn't resist."

He stood to his feet and grabbed her hands, attempting to pull her protesting body to her feet. She wasn't so willing to leave the soft comfort of the sofa and refused to assist in anyway. When he finally succeeded she flew forward, crashing into him with a sheepish grin.

He smiled and pulled her into an impulsive hug. His arms wrapped around her small frame, his hands rubbing her back reassuringly as he closed his eyes momentarily and inhaled slowly.

When he finally pulled away he took her hand in his, swinging it loosely between them as he motioned to the door, "Come on. Let's eat out tonight."

---

Giggling, Jude sidestepped a huge puddle and gave Tommy a playful push toward it as they walked home from the restaurant that night. The push wasn't enough that he ruined his expensive shoes in the puddle but enough to earn an amused glare as he wrapped his arm around her neck, pulling her toward him and messing up her hair with his free hand. 

"Okay," she was breathless from laughing as she held her hands up in surrender. "Uncle."

"And what else?" he continued giving her a noogie as he steered her toward the next big puddle on the footpath. He grinned at her frustrated squeals as she attempted to push away from him and avoid the puddle. Offering a last minute reprieve, he scooped her up off the ground just as they reached the puddle then safely deposited her on the other side. He resumed his hair messing.

"And what?"

"You forgot about the best part of the surrender – the bit where you go into great detail regarding just how great Tommy Quincy is."

"Because his parachute pants are just so shiny?" she quirked an eyebrow teasingly.

Ignoring her embarrassing boy band day's dig, he continued unperturbed, "Because he's just so handsome-"

"And modest," she interrupted as she slapped her hand against his back in an attempt to free herself.

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "and charming," he ignored her disbelieving snort, 'and talented and hey, the ladies just adore him."

Catching him off guard, she suddenly squirmed free of his grasp and raced ahead of him on the footpath. The night was chilly and her cheeks where flushed. He could see their breath wafting about them in the clear night air which hung heavy with moisture following the brief shower that had taken place during their meal.

"Since he's so full of himself why does he need my exaltations?" she asked.

She wrapped one hand around a light post as she spun around it, grinning at him over her shoulder as she sidestepped and shook her hips slightly; to music only she could hear.

"I just bought you dinner," he grabbed her hand and spun her into him, "The least you could do is stroke my ego."

She giggled as he spun her out. The stars twinkled brightly above her head and in that brief moment life was perfect. Justin, the baby, none of it mattered. "If your ego gets any bigger it'll cause the city to implode."

He spun her around him until she squealed at him to stop. "I'll be sick all over you if you keep that up."

He slowed his actions and she staggered a little, putting a hand to her head in an attempt to stop the spinning.

"You still haven't said it," he flashed her a charming smile.

She placed a hand over her heart and pretended to swoon. Changing the pitch of her voice to sound like one of Boyz Attack's many tween fans. "Why 'lil Tommy Q is just the perfectest guy that ever, ever, _ever_ was. I'm going to buy all his CDs, tape every one of his TV appearances, put his poster on my bedroom wall and learn the dance moves from his music videos so we can dance them together at our wedding."

He put an arm around her shoulder as they continued walking home, "Hey, close enough."

"Hey Tommy?" She said a few moments later as they both sidestepped a large puddle.

"Yeah?"

"Just between you and me and if you tell anyone I'll deny it – you are pretty great." She leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before tugging on his hand. "Come on, race you to the next corner."

---

Jude sighed as she crossed her right leg over her left in an attempt to get comfortable on the harsh plastic hospital waiting room chairs. It was a couple of days since she'd spoken to Justin during which time she'd heard nothing from him, no text message, no phone call, email, nothing. It had been a few weeks since Tommy booked the ultrasound for her and at five months and a week into her pregnancy she'd finally plucked up the courage to go and see her baby for the first time.

Not achieving her goal of comfort she switched legs, folding her left over her right, only to be unhappy with that result too. Mirroring Tommy's posture as he peacefully sat next to her she sat normally in the chair then gradually slouched down until her head was level with the back of the chair.

Eyeing her, Tommy leaned back on his armrest and grinned, "You're just so seventeen sometimes, you know that?"

"What?" She sat up quickly straightening her jacket and primly resting the palm of her hands on her knees. Already she could feel her palms perspiring with nerves and she gingerly wiped them on the denim of her jeans, hoping Tommy wouldn't notice. 

"Still hate hospitals?" Tommy asked.

She shook her head slowly as if to emphasize her disdain. "More than ever." 

"And we both know you're not good at the whole 'waiting' thing."

She made a face, "Watch it Quincy."

He leaned toward her slightly, amused interest on his features, "Or what?"

She opened her mouth to answer just as a nurse walked into the room and motioned for her to join her. Slowly Jude turned back to Tommy. She eyed him nervously before tentatively answering, "Or I won't let you come with me."

His eyes widened in surprise, "You want me to come with you."

She glanced down at her hands sharply, "Not if you don't want to. I just thought, well…"

The truth was she hadn't known what she'd thought. When she'd first accepted Tommy's offer of help she'd planned every step of the pregnancy on her own with him in the background as a mere superficial father figure for the sake of the press only. But now she was here and nervous and didn't want to go alone. Going without Tommy almost seemed wrong. Somewhere along the line she'd almost embraced their lie as the truth. Almost...

"Hey," He took her hand in his as he stood to his feet and helped pull her up, "I'd love to come. I would have offered but I thought you wouldn't want me to."

She smiled, "Thanks."

---

Jude felt uncomfortable lying back in the reclining ultrasound chair. It somehow resembled a dentist chair, far too much for her liking. She and Tommy were waiting for the doctor to arrive and in the meantime she compromised by perching on the very edge of her chair. She gazed around her at the diplomas on the wall and scary medical equipment. Her eyebrows drew together in a frown as she eyed the sonogram machine.

Glancing up from the notebook he'd been scribbling in, Tommy smiled, "I don't think it's going to melt or dematerialize no matter how much you glare at it. Looks don't kill hospital equipment."

She groaned and ran a hand through her hair, fluffing it up then patting it down again. "That's probably a good thing. I'm sure my insurance doesn't cover melted machinery. Besides, knowing my luck Sylar would probably turn up and eat my brain if I actually achieved it."

He looked at her if she'd suddenly grown horns and declared the moon was made of cheese. She chuckled, "That's right, you don't watch that show."

He scribbled a few more sentences in his notebook, song lyrics most likely then casually asked, "So what is it that has you so agitated?"

She glanced down at her stomach then back at him in answer. He shook his head, "No, it's not the baby."

Rolling her eyes she slid back in the chair, trying to recline as required and finding herself feeling much like a patient in a psychiatrist's office. "Justin," she spoke the one word, knowing it spoke volumes and was a sentence in itself.

He tucked his notebook in his pocket and looked at her expectantly.

"It's just… it's crazy but I actually feel bad. Like, he should be here and I'm taking that away from him by not telling him about it or inviting him."

He shook his head, "You're right. That is crazy. He walked out on you the other day. He hasn't called or anything. Even if he had I don't think that gives him the right to be here. You're the one suffering for and putting effort into this pregnancy. He hasn't done a thing."

She turned to gaze out the small window to the city down below. The sun had shifted to its afternoon setting and already she could sense the coming arrival of dusk. A pigeon flew across the sky, temporarily blocking out the sun that had been bathing her. Even when it returned she still couldn't suppress a shiver.

Closing her eyes and thinking aloud she remarked, "You're more of a father to this kid right now then Justin's ever been."

She didn't open her eyes to observe Tommy's reaction but odds were she would have been surprised. He didn't cringe or look terrified as most guys his age might at the mention of fatherhood; instead he smiled softly, a faraway expression in his eyes.

**Teasers for Chapter 26: Gilmpse**

_Jude was the first to notice the figure slouching at the door to Tommy's apartment when the two of them stepped out of the elevator. She glanced over at Tommy in time to see his shoulders stiffen and expression darken as he saw him._

She neither sped or slowed her walk, so determined to be unaffected by him, though the true fact was the opposite.

"Justin," she remarked in a monotonous tone.


	26. Chapter 26: Glimpse

_So here's the newest chapter. Lately I've been going through a craze of writing for Untimely Betrayal. I tend to always be focused on one story over the other. If you're a fan of both it's a win-win but hopefully I'll get back to TA soon. There are some big things coming up, at least one of which I think will surprise you. It certainly surprised me when I realized I was going to do it..._

**Chapter 26: Glimpse**

"Jude Harrison?"

Jude glanced up to see a balding man in a white doctor's coat standing in the doorway. She smiled. Always be polite and appealing; that was what the image consultant she'd met with after winning Instant Star had told her. When you're put in the limelight your main assignment is one thing; make people like you. 

"My daughter is a huge fan," he smiled and she found herself comforted by the Crow's feet around his warm brown eyes, "I'm Doctor Stevens. So, how are you doing today?"

She shifted in her seat and nodded, "I'm fine," she motioned Tommy, "This is Tommy." Offering further explanation of Tommy and his existence was either complicated or a lie. She wasn't fond of either.

Dr. Stevens extended his hand to Tommy, "The proud father."

The briefest of glances was exchanged between Jude and Tommy before he nodded to the doctor, "Add anxious and excited to the mix and that about sums it up."

"Well I won't keep you waiting any longer," he pulled up a chair and positioned himself beside Jude's abdomen. He turned and motioned to Tommy who had been sitting by the door. "Come closer."

Jude could tell from Tommy's posture that he was uncertain as he walked over to her. She smiled in reassurance and patted the chair next to her head. He smiled quickly and sat down.

"Could you pull your shirt up to expose your stomach please?" Dr. Stevens asked.

Jude exhaled slowly and lifted the hem of her shirt with shaky fingers. She'd never been the midriff exposing kind of girl and now exposing a rarely seen part of her self in front of two guys felt a little awkward. She admonished herself that she'd have to expose far worse by the conclusion of her pregnancy.

She looked down at her stomach, feeling a pang of shock at just how unfamiliar it had become.

Dr. Stevens smiled reassuringly as he squeezed some gel out of a tube, "This will be a little cold," he warned as he spread it on her lower stomach.

She felt her body recoil the instant the cool gel met her skin and instantly her heart rate quickened. She could feel her breathing getting shaky as drops of sweat formed on her lower back. She really didn't want to be here. 

Sensing her discomfort, Tommy casually reached for her hand, taking it between his large, warm hands. He squeezed reassuringly and didn't let go.

Dr. Stevens began moving a small plastic object that resembled an old fashioned hand held grocery scanner, over her belly. As he applied subtle pressure a hazy black and white image appeared on the monitor next to him.

"There we go," he pointed to a spot on the screen but Jude's eyes were fixed on the ceiling as she blinked quickly, attempting to brush away the tears that were threatening to fall. She stubbornly refused to look.

"That's it there?" She heard Tommy's voice next to her ear and frowned at how unfamiliar it seemed. He sounded so young and awe filled. He sounded so very far away, both metaphorically and physically, as if his voice were echoing down a long panic filled tunnel to where she was cowering in the far corner. 

She took a deep breath and snuck a glance at the monitor. At first, it was just a bunch of obscure shapes but her eyes grew accustomed to the image she made out a round shape attached to an oval shape. She felt a flutter in her stomach as the baby kicked. On screen two miniscule, feet-like objects moved about in accordance with the motion she could feel within her.

Her eyes were fixed on the screen, her lips parted and a soft, "Oh," slipped out without her even noticing.

Tommy leaned forward and rested his chin on her shoulder, his warm breath tickling her neck. "That's your baby, Jude," he whispered in his same husky voice, now laden with emotion. He ran his thumb along the back of her hand and she tore her eyes away from the screen just long enough to smile at him.

Dr. Smith's voice interrupted their brief moment, "Do you want to know the sex?"

She spun back to face him, "Can I?" He nodded in response and she found herself turning back to Tommy, "Should I?"

He smiled softly and shrugged, "It's up to you."

She remembered his comment when they'd first visited the doctor's and chose his wishes as her answer; simply on the ground that it was what he would have chosen. Perhaps if she'd opted to think more she would have come to the conclusion that it was also what she wanted too but that wasn't the point. She wanted to do something for Tommy, no matter how small or minor it was. "I do," she responded breathlessly.

The doctor moved the scanner, his eyes fixed on the screen. Jude was still mesmerized by that little body as it raised a hand to its face and began to suck its thumb. She felt it kick again and on screen its arms and feet flailed about. She couldn't suppress the chuckle that rose up from deep inside her, or the single happy tear that escaped her eye.

"Jude, Tommy," Dr. Stevens spoke slowly, prolonging the excitement like a host on a talent show, "You're having a girl."

Jude's mind instantly flittered back to the dream she'd had at Christmas time and the blonde haired girl playing in front of the fireplace – the girl who called her 'Mommy', who looked so familiar.

In her mind she saw ribbons and dresses, lipstick and dolls. All the things typical little girls loved. Suddenly her child was no longer a series of blobs on a monitor but a living, breathing person she could almost envision in her mind.

She smiled at Tommy, "A girl."

He grinned, "I've always wanted a daughter."

It wasn't until later that she stopped to reflect on the meaning of his statement.

---

"So how are you feeling?" Tommy asked as they crossed the parking lot to his waiting Porsche.

Jude opened her mouth to answer but failed to find the words to express the sheer quantity of overwhelming feelings that were bouncing around inside her. She gazed up into the cloudless sky, feeling a chilling evening breeze wrapping around her. She opened her mouth then closed it, shrugging her shoulders in defeat.

"I never thought I'd see the day – Jude Harrison, speechless."

The smile that had been glued to her face since the ultra sound stretched into a grin as she shook her head at him, "She's beautiful," she said in an awe filled tone.

"She is," he fished his keys out of his pocket and pressed the button to unlock the car. The beeping response from the car drifted to his ears just as a blinding flash caught Jude's eyes, originating from somewhere to her left.

She shook her head as she climbed into the passenger seat. Not even Paparazzi could bring her down from the high she was currently experiencing.

---

Jude was the first to notice the figure slouching at the door to Tommy's apartment when the two of them stepped out of the elevator. She glanced over at Tommy in time to see his shoulders stiffen and expression darken as he spotted him.

She neither sped up nor slowed her walk, so determined to be unaffected by him, though the fact was the opposite. "Justin," she remarked in a monotonous tone when she reached him.

He hadn't noticed them approaching and at the sound of Jude's voice he spun around to face her.

"What are you doing here?" she wasn't offering any sympathy. Her voice was harsh and her expression matched it.

He glanced between her and Tommy, "I came to talk to you."

Tommy brushed past Justin, acting as if he weren't even there and purposely crashing his shoulder into his chest as he passed him. He unlocked the door to the apartment and looked back to her, "Jude?" He tone was partially questioning and partly commanding. She felt torn as she glanced between the two men.

"I guess you should come in then," she finally said to Justin.

---

Tommy was drumming his fingers against the tabletop and gritting his teeth as he glared at Justin who was seated across from him. Jude was preparing tea. Why she was playing hostess and serving Justin was beyond Tommy but the warning look he'd received had been clear on vocalizations of such thoughts.

She handed Tommy his cup then set Justin's down in front of him with a little too much force, causing the tea to slosh over the sides and onto the clean surface. Justin cringed.

"I'm sorry about running out the other day," he explained, "I was feeling a little overwhelmed."

"Been there," Jude responded in a clipped tone as she sat down between him and Tommy, "Kind of every day for the last five and a half months even."

Tommy leaned forward and set his cup down on the table with similar force to Jude, "What do you want Justin?" 

"To help Jude. To be a part of this," something about the way he said it, or maybe his facial expression, left Tommy unconvinced.

"Huh. Really?" he tilted his head mockingly, staring Justin down.

Jude had a bizarre mental image of the two of them having a kicking battle under the table that separated them, like the boys at her grade school had sometimes had done during lunch. She shook the thought away and quickly fell back to the seriousness of the situation.

"What, you want me to take a lie detector test? _Yes_, really!" he turned to Jude, ignoring Tommy and breaking his challenging gaze, "I screwed up but I want to make up for that. Whatever you need from me; I'll do it."

Jude had been watching the light reflecting on the spilt tea on the tabletop as the two men challenged one another. She closed her eyes and ran Justin's words over in her mind. Perhaps if she replayed them enough she would actually believe them. Perhaps she'd find some semblance of authenticity.

"Sounds too good to be true," she lifted her gaze to his eyes, "and if there's one thing you've taught me; always be a skeptic."

"Come on sweetie, I taught you a little more than that," he responded suggestively, his eyes icy. 

Tommy was a flash as he leapt from his chair and dragged Justin from his. He didn't waste time circling the table and it was knocked over as he dragged Justin across it. Jude gasped and leapt back, cringing as their cups fell to the floor and instantly shattered. Tommy shoved Justin up against the wall but Jude's cries interrupted.

"Tommy, let him go."

He glanced at her incredulously.

"I can handle this. Please?"

He slowly released his grip on Justin's collar and let his hands fall to his sides. Still panting in surprise and fear, Justin straightened his collar, a smirk creeping onto his features. Tommy spotted it and swung his fist to punch him but Jude caught his elbow just as it passed his shoulder on its way to Justin's face.

"Tommy! Please! You're scaring me! Could you just… leave for a minute?"

He turned to face her and she took a step closer to him, fixing her eyes on his. They were so close their shoe clad toes were touching. He lowered his head until they were eye level, their faces almost touching.

"I'm not leaving you alone with him," he spoke in an intense hushed whisper.

"I'll be fine. You'll just be in the next room."

"Jude. No-" 

"I'm not asking. Her tone was assertive but her eyes were pleading with him as she scanned his face. Finally he complied and she watched with a trace of sadness as he walked out of the room. 

"Look, I'm sorry about that," Justin spoke as soon as soon as he heard Tommy's bedroom door close behind him. "You were both just painting me as the villain so I guess I just played the part for a second. I was out of line. I'm sorry."

She turned to him, her hands crossed over her chest defensively. "Or you were just being yourself."

He shook his head, "You're not making this easy," he spoke in a whining tone.

She threw her hands into the air, "That's because it's not easy. You think it's been easy for me? Have you got any idea what I've been going through?"

He shook his head, "No, but I'm starting to understand. I haven't told my parents. I haven't told anyone. Their reactions… I've been too scared."

"Yeah? Well multiply that by a hundred and maybe you'll have a small idea of what I've been feeling."

He took a step toward her and she matched it with a step back. "Please, I'm trying to do the right thing. Let me?"

"Fine; I'll think about it." She pointed to the door, "but now I think you should leave."

---

After Justin's departure, Jude went straight to her room, closed the door and turned the music up. Tommy took the hint; she needed some alone time and that suited his plans just fine.

He slipped out of his room and padded silently past Jude's door. He raced out of the apartment and into the hallway in time to spot Justin reaching the elevator at the far end. Not making a sound, Tommy ran to catch up with him.

It wasn't until Justin was inside the elevator and had turned around to punch in his floor that he spotted Tommy's fast approaching form. He rolled his eyes and punched the close door buttons quickly, all the while attempting to look calm an unfazed, rather then let on his nervousness. He was only closing the door because he couldn't be bothered dealing with Tommy… not because he was scared of him…

"Hold it!!" Tommy dove forward and managed to squeeze in between the closing doors just in time.

"Man! What do you want?" Justin cried in exasperation.

Tommy strode over to Justin, closing the distance between the two as he towered over him threateningly; the act having a greater affect in the confined space. Almost instantly he had Justin backed into the wall. Without breaking his threatening glare or turning away, Tommy reached behind him and pressed the elevator stop button. The elevator halted suddenly – mid floor, causing Justin to scramble for his balance momentarily while Tommy stood unfazed.

Justin was alarmed by Tommy's presence, the halted elevator and most of all the eerie silence. "Trying the strong silent type routine are you? What is this?" he spat.

"You are scum. You know that?" Tommy asked in a low and emotionless voice.

Justin crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, a muscle twitching in his jaw and betraying his irritation.

Tommy took another step forward, invading Justin's personal space and having a definite effect. He jabbed a finger into his chest bruisingly.

"You aren't a man! You know that? A man doesn't treat a woman the way you treated Jude. He doesn't physically force her to do something she doesn't want to do and he DOESN'T take advantage of the situation to get what he wouldn't otherwise have gotten!"

"Look, I don't need this! I don't give a damn about what you think!" he tried to shove Tommy away but it didn't work. Though they were roughly the same height, Justin was thin and lanky while Tommy was bulkier and muscular. Justin was younger but not so much that his youth made him stronger and faster; just young in the realms of inexperience. It was Tommy who would win in a fight and they both knew it.

Tommy continued unfazed, "and then you come in here now and treat her like _that_!"

"It was a slip of the tongue."

"It was _pathetic_!" He leaned his face in close to Justin's as he grabbed his upper arms and shoved him back against the wall, hard. "So I'm telling you right now-" each time Justin looked away Tommy would shift his head to keep his face right in front of him. "That if you ever treat her that way again; you will suffer. If you let her down, you will suffer. If you hurt her in ANY way, I will _make_ you suffer. You got that?"

**Teasers for Chapter 27: Convincing**

_Feeling like a character in some insane sitcom or teen soap, Tommy grabbed Jude's shoulders and pulled her close to him. She barely let out a surprised squeak before his lips descended on hers. Her hands found their way to his chest and she attempted to push him away as she wrenched her mouth away from his._

**Note:** please don't just comment on the teasers. I really want to hear your comments on the chapter.


	27. Chapter 27: Convincing

_AN: You know on fansites how people often have 'Did you know' sections with various facts about the musician or actor? We could start one with Tentative Acceptance for the concluding chapters of this story. There's four things about Tommy that you're going to learn (or was it three... it's early in the morning and I can't think...). This chapter closes on the first with more information in the next chapter._

I guess this is kind of heavy but in two or three chapters there's a really heavy chapter that has me thoroughly nervous. lol.

Pretty please comment! Longer the better 

**Chapter 27: Convincing**

Things were developing well between Kwest and Sadie, Tommy noticed the next morning at G-Major. Jude's little matchmaking heart would be happy. 

When Sadie arrived at work, Kwest, who was leaving the hospitality lounge with a cup of coffee quickly detoured to her desk and greeted her with a hug as he handed her the coffee.

Tommy chuckled to himself from his vantage point in the Studio B mixing room. Sadie smiled, eyes sparkling, as she flipped her hair and touched Kwest's arm as she thanked him. She was so into him, it was obvious. And Kwest… well, Tommy really needed to give him some advice on how to maintain an air of cool disinterest. It had a tendency to drive the ladies crazy. Or was it Tommy that drove the ladies crazy?

When Jude arrived for work a few hours later then their general start time, the greeting of the supposedly head over heels in love couple was a stark contrast to Kwest and Sadie's budding relationship hugging and flirtation. Jude smiled and waved to Tommy before depositing her jacket in the cloakroom and stopping to chat with Portia.

---

Tommy flipped through that morning's tabloid publication as he made his way across the G-Major lobby to his office. Since he and Jude's surface relationship had been made public he'd been checking the media response and rumors daily, while going out of his way to keep Jude oblivious to as much of it as possible.

He paged through a feature of tabloid pictures of the two of them that had been taken over the last couple of weeks. There were pictures of them arriving at his apartment, arriving and eating at a restaurant, leaving the Hospital after her ultra sound and more. In most of the pictures they were generally distracted and annoyed by the paparazzi. Jude often had her head down and hands covering her face while Tommy yelled and threatened a paparazzo.

The last image on the page was of the two of them at a nearby diner having lunch the previous week. Tommy had been reading messages on his blackberry while Jude aimlessly stirred her straw in her soda. It had been a comfortable silence at the time but the picture somehow didn't convey that. They appeared aloof and distant and there was a slight frown on Jude's face which only added to the pictures negative image.

Tommy was just about to walk inside his office when he overheard two interns talking.

"They're strange," a new blonde girl, Tina, remarked as she half heartedly ran a nail file along one perfectly manicured nail. "They're supposed to be all in love and everything but have you seen the way they act around each other They're so awkward. So…" she scrambled about for the word. 

"Platonic?" Darius assistant Monica offered as she filled a mug with hot water.

"Yeah, I guess that's it. I just don't…. believe them, somehow," Tina conceded as she held a hand in front of her face and moved it about, admiring her nails. "But I guess that's okay. I'd die of jealousy if I had to see her kissing Tommy every day."

She giggled to herself and Monica said something in response. Tommy didn't hear though, he was already crossing the room, a frown creasing his forehead.

He paced in front of the entrance to Studio B where Jude was currently discussing a chord change with a guitarist. He wasn't sure why Tina's words had him so concerned but he couldn't help but wonder if others shared her thoughts. What if people started to ask questions? What if the truth came out? With Justin lurking about lately; people might put two and two together.

He glanced through the glass walls of the studios to watch as Jude laughed with the guitarist. A brief memory of the same guitarist flirting with Jude many months ago passed through Tommy's mind. He'd liked her, it had been obvious but she was oblivious.

A faint sound of giggling filled the room and Tommy glanced over to see Tina and Monica walking out of the break room, laughing to them selves as they walked back to their respective work stations.

"Hey Tommy, what do you think of this?" Jude walked out of the studio; her eyes glued on a piece of paper in her hand as she scribbled over a few notes and began to replace them.

Feeling like a character in some insane sitcom or teen soap, Tommy grabbed Jude's shoulders and pulled her close to him. She barely let out a surprised squeak before his lips descended on hers. Her hands found their way to his chest and she attempted to push him away as she wrenched her mouth away from his.

"What the hell are you-"

He brought his lips down close to her ear, "Go with it okay? I'll explain later." He placed a gentle kiss on the curve of her neck before bringing his face up to gently kiss her one last time. He watched her eyes flutter shut as he hands changed from pushing him away to ever so slightly pulling him closer. He felt his heart fluttering in his chest for a moment. He'd never felt that before, not since Cindy Teller told him she liked him in third grade.

When he finally pulled away from the kiss he noticed Tina and Monica gaping at him from across the room. Monica raised her eyebrows and turned to Tina, "Platonic?" She mouthed with an eye roll before walking away. Tina shrugged and returned to her desk.

"Okay, that was… interesting," Jude remarked as a blush rose in her cheeks.

Tommy smiled sheepishly and slowly released his arms from around her. "You, uh, wanted to show me something?" he asked.

She gazed at him incredulously for a moment, disbelieving that he was so determined to act as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, "Um, yeah, could you have a look at this verse." She shoved the notepad into his hands and ran a hand through her hair. Well, she couldn't say Tommy Quincy wasn't full of surprises.

---

Jude paced aimlessly in the mixing booth as Tommy sat at the soundboard, painstakingly mixing the track they'd just recorded. They hadn't really spoken since Justin's abrupt arrival at the apartment the night before. After he left Jude had gone straight to bed. She had slept in that morning. The moment she opened her eyes to the joyous sunshine and buzz of life from the street below she'd thrown her pillow over her head and tried to regain her grasp of sleep for an additional hour. 

Tommy had left for G-Major early. By working long hours, showing up on time, being conscientious and helpful, Tommy hoped to earn Darius trust and respect once again. He was determined to win his full job back.

At the studio that day the two had done little other than work; excluding the mysterious kiss a few hours earlier. Tommy would occasionally cast concerned glances from beneath furrowed brows in Jude's direction but she ignored the silent questions for the time being.

"Oh enough already!" Jude threw her hands into the air as she glared at Tommy, "That bridge is fine! Stop messing with it."

He rolled his eyes, "Fine doesn't get hit records."

"No, but it gets well rested, happy and non stressed musicians. You do remember I'm pregnant right?"

He glanced over his shoulder at her and grinned, "I recall you recently informing me you were pregnant – not _sick_ so don't try the sympathy card with me. Besides, you're singing not running a marathon."

She huffed angrily and sat down on one of the vacated chairs by the soundboard. As boredom overtook her she began to subtly swing the chair from side to side before swinging in a complete circle. Tommy reached over and caught the back of the chair, stopping her mid swing.

"Distracting," he muttered

"Ogre," she retorted.

"Angelic," his tone changed to sarcasm.

"Flattered," she smiled sweetly. 

He smiled briefly in response before turning again to the soundboard.

Jude twirled a strand of hair on one finger before asking, "Tommy, what was with that kiss?"

He paused, his hand on a dial as he gazed into the recording booth. "I overheard some of the girls talking. They don't think we act in love enough."

"Maybe because we're not," she leaned back in her chair, her eyes skyward so that she didn't notice him flinch slightly, "besides, what do we care?"

"Because we need to be authentic, we need for them to believe us; especially with Justin hanging around just waiting to cause trouble."

Jude's face closed off at the mention of Justin. Tommy turned in his chair and put a hand on her knee, urging her to look at him. With a sigh she complied, "It's like that day at the park. Remember? We have to play the part. We have to convince them."

Jude stood and started walking to the door. With everything going and this new revelation she needed coffee and lots of it though she decided to settle for tea for the sake of the baby. "Face it Quincy, you just want to get to kiss me." She turned and made a face at him as she closed the door behind her.

Shaking his head ruefully, Tommy turned back to the soundboard, "You have no idea," he murmured into the empty room.

---

Tommy yawned as he pressed his floor number in the elevator at his apartment building. It had been a long and tiresome day at work and he was looking forward to a relaxing drama free evening.

Jude's cell phone beeped to signal a new text message. She took the phone from her purse and opened the screen. A few clicks later she scanned the message and frowned.

Tommy had been slouching against the back wall but as he observed Jude's reaction he straightened up a little. "Justin?" he asked nervously.

"Huh?" Jude glanced at him, "Oh, no. It's Sadie. She's just a little worried about Mom. Apparently she's been depressed lately." She looked away as was her regular unconscious signal that she didn't want to talk about it.

Tommy leaned back against the wall again and watched silently as the floor numbers displayed above the door. There was a loud beep as they arrived at their floor and the doors slid open. Jude strode ahead purposely and Tommy scratched the back of his head as he followed at a leisurely pace.

"So, uh, what did happen with Justin yesterday after I left?"

Jude paused in the hallway and slowly turned around to face him, "Nothing really. He insisted he was sorry and that he wanted to help with the baby and I told him he'd think about it. Then I told him to leave." Tommy smiled and she nodded, "Yeah, I thought you'd like that bit." She turned and continued walking down the hallway to their door.

"Are you really going to think about it?" he asked.

They reached their door and she rifled through her purse for her keys. There was something about Jude's purse that Tommy had quickly discovered; when something was placed inside it often never came back out or at the very least didn't see sunshine for a very long time. How things could completely disappear in such a small space was something he found hard to understand. Smiling he reached into his pocket and took out his. She smiled bashfully as he handed them to her.

"Well, yeah, I guess," She turned the key and pushed the door open. "He _is_ her father." She dropped her purse on the table by the door and began to shrug off her jacket. He stepped behind her and helped her out of it then hung it in the hall closet.

"That doesn't mean you owe him anything."

She looked down at the floor as she slowly ran a hand through her hair. "We both know it's not that simple. If he goes to the press…"

"We'll deal with that if it comes to it."

She gazed at up at him, her eyes sad, "I can't take that risk. It's one thing for my reputation to suffer but I can't cause even more trouble for you." She started down the hallway and he followed.

"Don't worry about me. I'm a big boy. I can handle it."

"I know," she sighed, "but I can't just brush Justin off either. I have to be careful. And… he's her Dad Tommy. That does mean something." She fell down onto the sofa, one hand slung over her eyes to shade them from the late afternoon sun streaming through the window.

"I hate seeing him control you," he spoke it so quietly she didn't hear.

---

Jude frowned at the computer screen in front of her as she gazed of pictures of happy 'adopted' families. They were clichés, picture perfect parents and smiling children. She knew it couldn't be that simple. She'd heard so much about the emptiness adopted children felt, the questions they had about their biological parents and true identities. The website was biased.

She closed the page and opened another one. She quickly scrolled through the information regarding the adoption process. It sounded long and complicated but she couldn't keep putting it off. She'd intended to look into adoption for months and now she finally was. With everything happening with Justin it only further fueled her desire to find an easy solution after the pregnancy.

She stifled a yawn with her hand and stood up. Tommy was watching a movie in the other room and she'd been sitting at the kitchen table. She walked over to the bench and began making herself a hot chocolate.

"Hey Jude, you should really come check this out, it's hilarious," She turned to see Tommy standing in the doorway and nodded.

"I'll come in a second, hey, you want a drink?"

When he didn't answer she turned to see him staring at the computer screen. He walked over and tilted the laptop screen as his eyes scanned the text. He looked at her. "Adoption?"

She nodded slowly, "I've kind of been thinking about it for awhile."

He shook his head angrily, "You can't do that Jude. _We_ can't do that."

"This isn't your child, Tommy." She was simply stating a fact and attempting to push him outside of the decision, where logic, if not other parts of her, insisted he stay but it came out colder then she had intended and she instantly wanted to snatch the words back. It was too late. They were out there, doing their damage and broadening the rift that seemed to be developing between them in front of her very eyes.

He gritted his teeth and paused a moment before answering, "That's kind of irrelevant right now," he remarked stonily, "because everyone seems to _think_ it is. So whatever way you want to swing this, it affects me too." 

She felt her heart drop, "I know. I'm sorr-"

He'd stood to his feet and no sooner had she begun to speak then he cut her off. "What the hell is it going to do to our story? We're so in love and excited about the baby and then we go and hand it away to strangers? Then there's the added fact that we're celebrities. We kind of can't do that. Who knows how the child could be exploited or mistreated just because of who we are? You _can't_ do it."

Though he was right Jude couldn't help but feel a little riled. She'd never taken well to someone telling her she couldn't do something. Especially when it came to her child, a child she'd had to constantly remind herself she was pretty much alone to deal with. Tommy was here, now but what about the future? 

As she replayed his words in her mind she could see his logic. When she'd first thought of the adoption plan things had been so much simpler. Nobody knew. She could go away and have the child and give it up for adoption without the media scrutiny. She could have anonymously given the child and no one would have had to have known his mother was a rising star. There would be no nosy reporter seeking out the child and blowing the cover. But now, now her plan was becoming increasingly impossible. Procrastination had always been her weakness…

"It would destroy you," Tommy said quietly and for the first time she snapped out of her thoughts and looked up at him. His eyes were misty and his expression was something she'd never seen before. She'd never seen him look so… sad.

"What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

He shook his head and turned to walk away, "it's nothing," she reached out and caught his arm. With strength neither of them had known she possessed, she pulled him back over to her and tugged him down until he was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Spill," she demanded.

He shook his head and tried to get up but she moved until she was practically sitting on his knee to keep in him place.

"You're a blinking mystery wrapped in an Enigma Tommy. Give me something."

He sighed and pulled his arm away from her viselike grip. He glared at her as he rubbed the bruised skin. "It's not one of my proudest memories."

She shook her head, "I don't care."

"When I was eighteen or so, during Boyz Attack's power days I got a girl pregnant..." 

**Teasers for Chapter 28: Invitations**

_"I really don't deserve all of this. Why do you have to be so perfect?" The words just slipped out. She'd barely registered the thought before it was verbalized and floating through the small space between them._

---

Tommy tapped one foot slightly as his manner changed to an air of mock nervousness. "So I was wondering," he tucked his hands into his pocket, his eyes on the floor, "I think you're like, totally cool and everything and apparently there's this dance going on here tonight and um, like, if you don't have to wash your hair or aren't going with the Captain of the football team or whatever… would you want to go with me?"


	28. Chapter 28: Invitations

_Sorry for the delay with this chapter. It was actually complete when I posted Chapter 27 but I thought I'd sent it to my Beta and she hadn't received it and there was a mix up. Here it is now and I hope you enjoy it._

**Chapter 28: Invitations**

Despite herself, Jude felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach at his confession.

"I didn't know her. She was some random girl I hooked up with after a concert. She called me a couple of months later and told me she was pregnant. I guess I didn't completely believe her," he ran a hand through his hair; "I figured she was some groupie trying to get my attention. I'd just had a really big blow up with Chaz and Darius had arranged some promotional gig the next day that I was really unhappy about." He paused, cringing, "So I yelled at her. I think I might have even called her some unpleasant names. There was something about it not being my problem in there and then I hung up. I was such a creep."

His description of his actions brought back memories of the Tommy Jude had met two years earlier. He'd been cold and selfish and he'd frustrated her to no end.

He leaned forward and put his hands to his face. "It was all kind of surreal. Less then half an hour after the call I'd forgotten it even happened. I just never really believed any of it had happened. Then a week or so later I got this letter. It was short and brief, from her and telling me that she'd 'gotten rid' of the baby."

Jude put a hand to her mouth as she silently listened, her eyes wide. She felt her heart breaking. Despite the fact that he hadn't yet stated anything to confirm it, Jude could tell that the fact grieved him and she grieved for him too, for the little child that never was because of its parent's scared, preoccupied and selfish actions.

Tommy crashed the palm of his hand to his forehead as he spoke angrily. "It's ridiculous. I barely even registered her phone call but that letter… it got to me. I remember sinking down onto the floor backstage at a concert and wishing I could cry. Instead I threw some diva like tantrum and refused to perform. I stormed off to my dressing room and threw things at the mirror until it broke. I didn't even want to look at myself."

He looked over at Jude for the first time and she met his desperate gaze silently. "I didn't want her to kill it, Jude," he shook his head, "I was just so bloody selfish."

He reached over and took her hand, "That's why you can't do this. I swear, every day I think about that baby. He or she would have been nearly four years old now. They would be walking and talking and starting school soon. I wonder every day who they would have been, what they would have looked like, if they'd have been into music like me. Most of all I think about the future, of being an old man and having my son or daughter come and visit and bring their kids. I think about the family I could have had and I wonder if maybe that was my only chance; if I screwed it all up and maybe I'll never have anyone for the rest of my life."

"Oh Tommy, no. That won't happen," Jude shook her head emphatically as she tried to reassure him.

He shook his head, brushing away her reassurances. "You can't do this Jude. I know you. Sure the situations different and you'd know your kid is alive and out there. You wouldn't be regretting that it never got the chance to live like I did but it would still eat you up inside. You'd always be wondering. You'd always be regretting. You _can't_ do this."

She reached over and cupped his cheek, gently brushing away the one tear that had escaped his eyes with the pad of her thumb. "I know," she nodded sadly, "I know."

- - -

Jude sat perched at the end of the sofa as she nervously watched Tommy enter the room. Hours had passed and they'd navigated each other with caution. She hadn't spoken further about the adoption and he hadn't brought up the dark memory of his past that she now knew.

She chewed on her bottom lip and averted her eyes to the television set, determined to lose her self in the one dimensional lives of the characters onscreen. The night air was chilly and she shivered slightly. She pulled her legs up onto the sofa next to her, tucking her feet underneath her in an attempt to warm them.

Tommy must have noticed her action because he left the room and returned a moment later with a warm and soft blanket. He walked over and wrapped it around her shoulders before sitting at the other end of the sofa.

She tucked the blanket in under her chin, holding the edges together as she smiled at him nervously, "Thanks."

They were silent for a few minutes and then she glanced over at him again, "Tommy?" She asked softly. He glanced at her and she willed out the words, hoping they'd come out the way she intended and not cause further damage, "I'm sorry about your baby. I'm sure you would have been a great father."

He smiled sadly and shook his head, "I'm not so sure about that but thanks."

"I'm not going to do the adoption thing," she explained. "I was just lying to myself to ever think I'd be able to do it. Even if we weren't famous and the media didn't care and all of those problems weren't there; I still wouldn't have been able to do it. I guess I just, I don't know…"

"It was easier for you to get through the last couple of months thinking you had an easy solution to the future," Tommy suggested softly, "I get that."

She frowned, "You don't think I'm a monster for thinking of throwing away my child as my only coping mechanism?"

He shook his head.

She glanced down at her hands, folded in her lap then at the coffee table in front of her. "I'm going to have a baby," she said slowly. "I'm going to have a little baby girl, then a toddler, then a kid, then a teenager, then an adult. I can't believe it." She shook her head. A broad grin crept onto her lips and contagiously it spread to Tommy. She turned to him. "I'm going to be a mother," she whispered.

She ran a hand through her hair, "Oh my, I haven't got any of the stuff I'll need a crib and car seat and toys and clothes and…"

"Jude!" He reached over and put a finger to her lips, "Calm down. We've got time. It's fine."

She nodded and slowly settled back in her seat, letting the silence settle over them once again. She shifted uncomfortably, stretching a little in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort in her ankles. She was starting to relate to the common pregnant women's complaint of swollen ankles. She wasn't carrying around that much additional weight yet but she was gradually beginning to feel it in her body. She reached down and ran her finger over the top of her foot, pressing firmly against an aching muscle as she frowned.

She hadn't even thought twice about the action, her eyes still on the television set but somehow Tommy noticed. He always seemed to notice every single thing about her. While she was caught up in her own problems and unaware of the conflicts in his life, the many dark memories that haunted him and the ways he needed her too – he was always there for.

He reached for her foot and she jumped at the unexpected feel of his warm hand against her bare skin. She glanced over at him and he smiled encouragingly as he moved her foot onto his lap and began gently massaging it, quickly easing away the pain.

She frowned, and then she smiled as she felt her heart melt. Her expression softened as her eyes gazed at him. His head was bent, his eyes on his task at hand and she found herself instantly thinking of the servant's heart that was spoken of in the Bible. The expression on his face was affectionate concern.

"I really don't deserve all of this. Why do you have to be so perfect?" The words just slipped out. She'd barely registered the thought before it was verbalized and floating through the small space between them.

He glanced up at her, his surprised blue eyes meeting hers. The corner of his mouth turned up sadly as he shook his head slightly. "I'm not. I'm really not."

Something about his words surprised her, as if they conveyed some deeper meaning and root then simple modest denials.

---

Jude was strumming a chord on her guitar in one of the empty recording rooms at G-Major the next day when Tommy walked past. He'd just got out of a meeting with Darius and when he noticed her he paused and stuck his head in the door. "Hey," he smiled charmingly.

She glanced up at him, brushing a strand of hair behind one ear as she smiled. "Hey."

He tapped one foot slightly as his manner changed to an air of mock nervousness. "So I was wondering," he tucked his hands into his pocket, his eyes on the floor, "I think you're like, totally cool and everything and apparently there's this dance thing, well, it involves dancing and other stuff… going on here tonight and um, like, if you don't have to wash your hair or aren't going with the Captain of the football team or whatever… would you want to go with me?"

Jude chuckled at his nervous High School teenager rendition. It was all the more amusing as she knew he'd never actually been a nervous High School boy asking out a girl he really liked. He'd never gone to High School and any girl he'd asked would have happily said yes.

She allowed the strand of hair to fall lose again then bashfully tucked it behind her ear, joining his game as she too glanced down at the floor. Truth was she had to go to the dance with him to keep up their romantic front but it was nice he asked. She glanced over at him then returned her eyes to the floor quickly a number of times as she shrugged, "I guess. Like, that could be fun or whatever…"

He grinned. "Great, I guess I'll be picking you up around seven. Don't be late Harrison."

She rolled her eyes as the door closed behind him then returned to her song. The dance in question was some charity event being held at G-Major that evening. One of the artist's at G-Major was the main spokesperson for a charity that promote AIDs awareness in third world nations and he'd somehow managed to convince Darius that a non profit organization really was worth the time. It's not that Darius was that heartless really, he just didn't tend to think that way.

Jude eyes momentarily flittered to her belly as a wave of panic washed over her. What would she wear? Then her eyes softened and she ran a hand over her stomach. "It'll be your first dance baby girl," she whispered.

---

Sadie looked frazzled as she crossed the G-Major lobby, a tall stack of paperwork balancing on one arm and a cordless phone cradled against her ear. She barely managed a quick smile in Jude's direction before arguing with the whomever was on the other end of the phone line.

"No, I do not want the blue roses. I've never even heard of blue roses! I ordered the white!" She frowned and put her hand to her forehead, forgetting momentarily the paperwork balancing on her arm. It crashed to the floor and she swore angrily. Her eyes widened and she clutched the phone with both hands, "No. Not you. I just… Four dozen white roses? You have them… Oh, that's fantastic… Yes, send them over. Thanks."

Jude was kneeling on the ground scooping up the pile of paperwork as Sadie hung up the phone. She quickly handed them to a passing intern. The intern strode away as Sadie reached for the papers. "I need those."

Jude grabbed her arm and forcefully turned her away, "No, you don't. You need to come with your poor style challenged sister and help her choose an absolutely gorgeous maternity friendly dress for the charity even tonight."

Sadie shook her head, her eyes flittering in the direction of her departing papers, "I can't. I've got a ton of stuff to organize. Besides, don't you have Portia for that?"

Jude shook her head, a hand resting on her hips, "Portia's great but she's not my big sister. I miss you. We never do anything together any more. I've talked to Darius and he's letting you take the rest of the day off." She cringed slightly, "provided I complete the song I'm currently struggling with in half the time I originally had," she shook her head as Sadie began to protest, "but that's totally doable and totally worth it." She put her hands together, begging, "Please? Sadie? Please?"

Sadie frowned but it quickly turned into a smile, "Fine, I guess I can come help," she glanced down at Jude's outfit and cringed slightly, "You certainly need it. I'll just get my stuff."

Jude shook her head slightly as Sadie walked away, "What's wrong what I'm wearing?" She asked, motioning to her clothing. "Sadie? This is designer, you know!" She shook her head and sighed.

---

Jude played with a strand of her hair as Sadie rifled through a rack of dresses. Already she had two or three colorful dresses over one arm and a pile sitting waiting in the dressing room.

"What do you think of this one?" She asked, holding up a black strapless dress.

Jude frowned, "I think it'll make me look fat," she glanced down at her body, both cringing and appreciative. She certainly had more curves then ever before in her life. Scratch that, for the most part she _had_ curves for the first time in her life.

Sadie glanced from the dress to Jude then back again before nodding slightly and putting it back on the rack without another word. Jude cringed at the confirmation.

"So what's with you and Kwest lately?" she asked as she leaned against a round rack of women's blouses, not realizing it was on wheels. The rack began to roll away and she quickly stepped away from it, glancing around to make sure no one had seen.

Sadie chewed on her bottom lip as she shrugged noncommittally, 'Not much…"

"Yeah?" Jude lifted a shirt of a rack then cringed at the bright red patch of color in the center. She quickly put it back. "Did he ask you to the dance tonight?"

Sadie's answer was short and clipped, hiding emotion, "No."

Jude glanced up, surprised at the answer, "Maybe he just hasn't gotten around to it yet."

Sadie rolled her eyes as she angrily plucked a white dress from the rack and threw it over her shoulder, "Right. It starts in a couple of hours and he hasn't had the chance yet…"

"Tommy only asked me this morning," Jude offered hopefully. She smiled reassuringly.

Sadie shook her head in frustration, "That's different. You guys live together, plus you're in love. I don't even know if Kwest likes me."

"Oh, he definitely does," Jude nodded emphatically, "I can tell."

"I don't really feel like talking about it anymore. Here try these on." She handed Jude the pile of dresses and she pretended to sink under their weight.

"Think you have enough?" She asked sarcastically.

Sadie brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head, "Knowing how fussy you are… probably not."

Jude laughed, "Come on," she led her to the dressing room and sat her down in a waiting chair while she ducked behind a curtain.

"So how are things with Tommy lately?" Sadie asked.

Jude slid off her jeans and threw them over a chair. She shrugged off her shirt and picked up the first dress. "Fine." She hoped Sadie would leave it at that but highly doubted it.

"Fine," Sadie mimicked, "such a detailed and vivid word." Jude was sure if she could see her she'd be rolling her eyes.

Jude closed her eyes as she pulled the dress over her head and let it fall down around her. She cringed as she waited for further questions. She'd gotten through it in the past but over more recent weeks she'd come to strongly hate lying to her sister. In the beginning everything had been so uncertain and scary and she feared Sadie might turn on her like her parents, or worse; tell them the truth.

But now, she didn't want to do it anymore. She wanted her sister onboard, she wanted her to know the truth, she wanted to be able to truly talk to her about what was going on her in life. She couldn't lie to her anymore.

"So is he a good kisser?" Sadie's voice drifted through the curtain, a slightly dreamy tone creeping into it, "I bet he's a great kisser."

Jude closed her eyes momentarily, her mind drifting back to the kiss at the end of their 'mock' date and that kiss in the park so many months before. "Yeah," she said softly, "He's a _great_ kisser."

Sadie giggled. "I'm jealous."

Jude tugged the zipper of her dress up with a little too much force then cringed as she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress was long, shapeless and a shade of yellow that had looked gorgeous on the hanger but somehow managed to clash with every aspect of her coloring. She pushed the curtain aside, ignoring Sadie's cringe.

"Don't be jealous," she began.

Sadie leapt to her feet and put her hands on her shoulder, staring her back behind the curtain, "Quick! Take it off! It's burning my eyes!" she covered her eyes with one hand to demonstrate as she turned and went back to her chair.

Sighing, Jude closed the curtain. "I want to tell you something," she continued. Granted, she felt safer with the curtain between her and her sister but she felt like it was a coward's way out. She'd told a big lie and she had no idea of the damage it would do to their relationship. She needed to tell the truth face to face, she needed to say it the right way, she needed the perfect moment.

She opened the curtains, "You see I-"

Sadie nodded to urge her on but was interrupted by her phone ringing. "Just a sec," she said as she reached for it. Jude nodded and leaned her forehead against the stall door, softly tapping it there once or twice as she chewed on her bottom lip and listened to the one sided conversation.

"Oh, hi Kwest," Sadie's voice was casual but her eyes lit up as she grinned at Jude, her white teeth sparkling dazzlingly, "Yeah, Jude and I are shopping for a dress for her for the benefit tonight… No, well I don't have a date so I don't really need a dress," Jude rolled her eyes at the obvious hint dropping but Sadie just waved her away, "Oh? You don't either?" She nodded, "Yeah, I guess we could go together, that could be fun… Okay, see you at seven." She hung up the phone and leapt to her feet with an excited squeal.

Jude smiled and accepted the excited hug her sister offered then watched as she danced around the room. How she remained so cool and aloof on the phone when she was really this excited was beyond her.

Eventually Sadie's energy waned and she returned to her seat. Her eyes were still sparkling and she couldn't seem to wipe the grin off her face, "So what were you going to tell me?" She asked.

Jude felt her heart drop. Sadie was on cloud nine. To tell her the truth now would burst her bubble and most likely ruin her date with Kwest. She shook her head ever so slightly, tossing aside her intentions and assuring herself she'd tell her sister as soon as the time was right.

"I wanted to tell you that I think this," she reached behind her for a dress, "is the dress I want."

**Teasers for Chapter 29: Rejection**

_A few moments later, still bothered by the silence, Jude gazed up at Tommy once again. "Tell me something," she demanded in a voice that was both sweet and pleading and impossible to deny._

His eyes met hers as he shrugged, "Like what?"

She chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes dancing as she whispered, "A secret."

"Sounds dangerous." 


	29. Chapter 29: Rejection

_Okay, truth is I've been kind of scared to post this chapter. I wrote it (ahead of everything else) back when my laptop wasn't working (handwriting. Ouch). Ever since then I've just about been having nightmares of scary Jommy fans murdering me in my sleep. _

Please don't.

And please don't hate the characters either. They're my babies.

_Also, just a little whining/pleading: Please comment and please leave a comment a little longer then one sentence. I spent about an hour on this chapter and would really appreciate if you could spend a few minutes commenting on it. Thanks:-)_

**Chapter 29: Rejection**

Jude stood in front of her full length mirror, gazing at her reflection. She turned from side to side slowly, eyeing her new curves and prominent baby bump. She looked down to her feet and then followed her form up to her face. Somehow that had changed too. Her eyes weren't so wide and innocent; they were older and knowing. Her face had changed too. She no longer looked panicked and alarmingly thin. Time had filled the gaps both physically and emotionally.

She was stronger and it showed.

She was dressed in an elegant blue dress with thin straps and a high neckline. The skirt fell to just below her knees and spun about her as she moved. The swell of her stomach was visible now and impossible to hide but attractive in its minimal nature.

She leaned toward the mirror as she held a silver earring into her ear. She slowly placed the hook through the small hole then glanced to the door as it slowly opened.

"You decent?" Tommy's voice asked before he pushed the door open entirely.

"Depends on your definition of the word," she joked.

Smiling, he pushed the door open the rest of the way and watched as she slipped on the other earring and smiled at him. He was dressed in a black suit with a blue tie to match her dress. The momentary thought flittered through her mind that he looked so handsome and it concerned her because it wasn't just a physical beauty that she saw but a physical attraction that maybe… she felt for him. She barely let the thought register before pushing it aside with the group of thoughts she couldn't deal with at this moment in time; the complications and heartbreakers.

He subtly looked her over then nodded approvingly, "Decent, gorgeous, breathtaking, absolutely."

She stopped what she'd been doing and gaped at him momentarily, "Going all out huh? Well you know what they say about flattery…"

He raised an eyebrow, "It'll get you everywhere?"

She leaned up and placed a light kiss on his cheek, "It'll get you that."

He nodded and glanced at the door, "That'll do."

"You ready to go?" She asked as she grabbed a shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. He picked up a small silver purse from the table by the door and handed it to her.

"Of course. I was just waiting for you as usual."

She slapped him on the arm playfully as they walked out of her room then out of the apartment. "What could be more fulfilling in this life then waiting for me?"

He pretended to think as the waited for the elevator, "Let me see. How about… everything."

She stuck her tongue out at him, feeling a momentary dash of childishness and the pang of nostalgia to accompany it. She had put her childish ways behind her for good.

For a moment it seemed as if he were reaching over to ruffle her hair. The hair she had spent half an hour perfectly styling. He seemed to realize at the same time she shot him a deadly look. "Touch it and die."

He raised his hand in surrender, "Gotcha."

---

"Wow," Jude breathed as she strolled through the front doors of G-Major, "Are we at the right place or did we just step into an alternate dimension G-Major."

The room had been meticulously decorate for the night to appear as an elegant thirties themed ball room. Red velvet curtains hid the walls and all desks and sofas had been removed from the interior. Jude had never seen the room look so big. She smiled and waved at Sadie who was at the second floor railing with Kwest; chatting to a balding man Jude believed to be the Mayor. 

Jude tucked her arm around Tommy's and leaned close to him, "…and I'm here with the most handsome guy in the room," she smiled and turned to wave to a familiar face. Tommy stared at her, momentarily dazed before Darius approaching figure brought him back to earth.

"Quincy," Darius nodded, he turned to Jude and frowned, "and the pregnant girl," his greeting was dripping with disdain to match the frown on his features. In that moment his face reminded Jude of an old TV set, flickering with the occasional burst of static and even occasionally getting stuck between two channels so that the view would change from one image to another; Darius was frowning, he was smiling, and he was frowning again. 

Jude wasn't in the mood to be brought down and she was incapable of buying Darius' ogre impression anyway. "Now don't be like that Uncle Darius, you're just as excited to meet your new niece as the rest of us."

"Niece huh?" Darius smiled.

Jude nodded, glancing over at Tommy to include him in her happy declaration. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to his side in a hug. "Yup, it's a girl." Jude declared.

"Thought of any names yet?" Darius asked. Before she could answer he continued, "You know Laticia is a great name for a girl."

Tommy rolled his eyes and smiled, "And also your mothers…"

"Hey, my mother was an amazing woman. She raised my sisters and me completely on her own and now look where we are." Darius glared at Tommy and Jude could tell that this was a little less ogre impression and a little more ogre reality. He just wasn't willing to cut Tommy a break.

"It's a beautiful name," Jude leaned forward a little in an attempt to break Darius glare from Tommy. "I haven't really thought about names yet. I hope when we get closer to the fact the perfect one will come to me."

"I'm sure it will." He noticed a man waving to him from the other side of the room. "Well I'm off to get you a distribution deal for New Zealand," he said as he gave her a quick hug then crossed the room.

"So much for non-profit charity event," Tommy remarked as he watched him depart.

"He takes his opportunities wherever he can get them," Jude laughed.

---

Tommy had been roped into Jude's new distribution deal and he shot her a pained expression behind the back of Darius and his new business partner as she sat by the refreshment table. She smiled sympathetically and shrugged her shoulders. He frowned, sticking his bottom lip out slightly like a sulking child before turning his attention back to the conversation. Jude laughed.

"So how's things baby sister?" Sadie appeared at Jude's side and sat down. She reached over to run her hand over Jude's stomach briefly, "And how's baby?"

"Both fine," Jude smiled, "Tommy's suffering terribly though," she motioned to him across the room.

Sadie waved a hand in his direction dismissively, "He's a guy, and chances are he deserves it."

Jude shook her head, "Most guys; sure, but not Tommy."

Sadie gave her a critical once over. She reached over and put a loose strand of hair back in place then smiled approvingly. "The dress looks fantastic by the way," she remarked as she sat back.

"Thanks. How's Kwest?"

Sadie glanced over at Kwest who was chatting with Jude's backing band on the other side of the room. "Absolutely perfect," she remarked. 

Jude's eyes widened, "The words perfect and absolutely and related to a guy. I never thought I'd heard the words from Sadie Louise Harrison. Careful girl, you're turning into a girl." 

Sadie giggled adorably and took a sip of her punch. "You and Tommy should dance," she remarked.

Jude shook her head, "That's an embarrassment I just don't need."

Tommy glanced over at Jude again and Sadie caught it. "Look at that, he's just dying to dance with you."

"He's just dying to get out of that conversation."

Sadie patted her on the head as she stood to her feet, "Whatever you say baby sister, whatever you say."

---

Jude paced in front of the refreshment table. Smiling she shook her head as one of the waiters offered her a glass of sparkling grape juice. She glanced over at Tommy furtively. He was still stuck in the impromptu business meeting.

As she walked the shiny fabric of her dress made crinkling noises and swirled around her ankles delightfully. She twisted to the side a little, feeling a rush through her veins as one of her favorite songs filled the room. She glanced over at Tommy again, deliberating.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Sadie motioning to Tommy insistently, "Go," she mouthed, making a shooing motion with her hands, "You wimp. Go!"

Kwest noticed her motions and chuckled to himself as he took her hand and led her out to the dance floor. Jude was instantly forgotten as Sadie gazed adoringly at her handsome partner and spun around happily to the fast song playing.

Jude paced and chewed on her lip nervously as another few minutes passed. Finally she strode across the room to Tommy, Darius and their new friend. She smiled charmingly at the man.

"Hi, Jude Harrison," she extended her hand and he shook it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Darius and I were just discussing you possibly touring New Zealand sometime in the near future."

She nodded, "Oh, I'd love to. I hear it's beautiful." She put a hand on Tommy's shoulder. "Do you think I could borrow him for a few minutes?"

Darius was frowning but the man didn't seem to mind at all. He nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely."

"I thought you didn't dance." Tommy remarked as she led him to the dance floor.

"I know. I'll just embarrass myself," she shrugged, "Whatever right?" The song came to an end and a slow one filled its place. The lights dimmed slightly as couples began to slowly sway to the music. "Oh crap," she remarked, putting a hand to her head. At least with a fast song people weren't likely to notice her abysmal rhythmical failure.

Tommy just smiled as he reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Just follow my lead," he said softly.

---

The dance floor was dimly lit, providing an intimate setting for the couples that slowly swayed to the soft jazz music filling the room. Fairy lights dotted the ceiling above them and reflected in Jude's hair, catching golden strands and causing them to sparkle in the darkness. Tommy found his breath catching in his throat as he held her close to him, the dance – their second of the night - the perfect excuse.

Jude looked gorgeous; her dress, the lights, everything working together perfectly to bring out her natural beauty. Tommy certainly couldn't find fault in anything about her appearance tonight, but then he generally had that problem all the time. Even those days when her morning sickness was at its worse and she'd spend hours attached to the toilet bowl.

"You're a million miles away," Jude remarked softly as she gazed up at him, a soft inquisitive smile on her face.

"Just thinking," he shrugged as if further details were tiresome and unnecessary.

Sensing his lack of enthusiasm to divulge further information and correctly guessing it wasn't something he was willing to share, Jude remained silent. Resting the side of her face against his chest she watched across the dance floor as Kwest and Sadie, who had left the dance floor at the close of their first song, once again entered it. They awkwardly stepped into each other's arms; the closest embrace they'd shared. Over Kwest's shoulder Sadie smiled at Jude.

A few moments later, still bothered by the silence, Jude gazed up at Tommy once again. "Tell me something," she demanded in a voice that was both sweet and pleading and impossible to deny.

His eyes met hers as he shrugged, "Like what?"

She chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes dancing as she whispered, "A secret."

He chuckled, "Sounds dangerous."

She shook her head, smiling coyly, "It doesn't have to be."

Releasing his hand from her waist momentarily, he ran it through his hair, tugging on the ends almost imperceptibly as if urging his mind to reconsider its plans, "But it probably will be," he answered softly.

She was silent as she gazed up at him, patiently waiting for his eyes to stop dancing about the room and once again land upon her. When he didn't comply with her silent wishes, patience ran out and she nudged his chest with her index finger, urging him forward. 

"Pushy," he remarked with a chuckle as he pulled her hand away and kept it enclosed in his. He pulled her a little closer to him and lowered his face to the side of her face, level with her ear, subtly he nuzzled her hair. Breathing in briefly he whispered, "I love the smell of you," as he pulled back.

Blushing slightly she tilted her head, "Is that your secret?"

He sighed a little, "No."

Silence fell upon them again as he finally summoned up the nerve to speak. "You said once that I used to be so cold to you and I regret that now but there was a reason." His eyes were fixed on some spot over her shoulder as he spoke. "From the moment I met you… you were like a magnet. I could feel myself drawn to you and that was dangerous." He looked back at her as he shrugged once again. "It's never really gone away."

"My secret," he paused as he lowered his head until his face was level with hers, "Is that I don't trust myself around you – I never have."

It came out as a breathless whisper and silently she gazed at him as the meaning of his confession and the words behind the words came into focus. She felt a soft panic rise inside of her as reality, possibility and consequences sparkled around her, brighter then the fairy lights and blinding in their intensity. She took a step back.

"I-" she closed her mouth, unable to find the right words to express the jumble of emotions running through her; fear, elation, bewilderment, confusion, curiosity, frustration? The warning bells ringing in her head drowned everything else out.

This could get messy.  
This could cause problems.  
This could be amazing.  
She could get hurt.  
He could get hurt.  
She wasn't ready.  
She needed him too much.  
The risk was too big.  
Failure could decimate all they had built.  
It was too much.

She couldn't do it.

With a strangled gasp she tore herself from his arms and ran off the dance floor and out of the crowded room.

---

Not the type to let someone walk away after a big admission, Tommy quickly strode after Jude's fleeing form. The dance floor parted silently as she strode past but he was barely offered a glance - the crowd was too wrapped up in their own thoughts and problems. No one would have guessed the impact of what was playing out.

His mind was numb as he maneuvered through the couples, unsure of what exactly had just played out between him and Jude. Was she simply overwhelmed? Was the timing wrong? Was she not interested? Had he just been rejected? Had he just gone and screwed everything up?

He strode past a refreshment table and his elbow caught and tipped a wine glass that had been perched precariously on the edge. The glass shattered on the hard floor, spilling sparkling fragments of glass and blood red wine everywhere. He ignored the curious glances from the small group of nearby people who had actually witnessed it. For the most part the room was still oblivious to him.

With neither the time nor patience he snapped his fingers to a waiter and motioned to the glass before slipping through the big glass doors and out heading down the dark hallway toward the studios. He'd caught a faint glimmer of Jude's golden hair running into Studio B.

He pushed the door open quickly, not pausing to knock or reconsider his actions. Pausing in the doorframe he saw her leaning against the soundboard, inhaling deeply, her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"What was that?" Before he spoke the only sound had been the distant hum of the party. When he stepped into the studio and the door closed behind him, the sound was cut out completely by the soundproof walls.

She sighed as she pushed away from the soundboard and turned to face him. She wasn't looking at him though; her eyes were on the floor, the wall, the door, the ceiling, anything but him. "I don't know," she whispered.

He ran a hand through his hair and gritted his teeth as he turned away from her momentarily. This wasn't going well at all…

He heard a motion behind him and turned to see her walking toward him. Again she wasn't looking at him and he felt his heart drop as she attempted to slip past him and get to the door. His hand reached out and caught her wrist, gently but firmly holding her back. "Are you really that indifferent to me?" He asked softly.

His question caught her off guard as she raised her eyes to search his face. She thought she knew the answer; a simple and easy: 'yes' but if that were true then why had her heart rate quickened slightly when he touched her, why was her skin burning beneath his fingertips? She glanced away, angry at herself for her unexpected confusion.

"I guess so," He whispered, taking her silence as confirmation. His fingers slowly fell from her arm, grazing the back of her hand as they slipped past.

She felt cold suddenly, at the absence of his touch and as he took a few steps back – the absence of his presence so close to her. He turned away and taking her cue; she departed.

**Teasers for Chapter 30**

_"Tommy?" she knocked again. "Tommy, please talk to me? I need to explain." She leaned her forehead against the cold, white door and exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry," she whispered, probably too softly for him to hear._

---

"What are you doing?" He asked tersely, the first words he'd spoken to her since their disastrous anti conversation in the studio the night before.


	30. Chapter 30: Aftershocks

**Chapter 30: Aftershocks**

Tommy felt a cold breeze brush against him as the door closed behind Jude's hastily departing figure. This time he didn't follow. The unfamiliar blow of rejection left him momentarily stunned and paralyzed.

When the initial sting faded he rushed the door and fumbled with the handle, letting out a frustrated mutter as he struggled to open it in his rush. Finally the cool metal turned beneath his hand and he stepped out into the hall. He could make out the dull hum of the party through the nearby wall as he paused, unsure of his next course of action.

He wasn't sure where Jude had gone though he suspected either the alleyway or one of the other studios. They'd arrived together so unless she'd gotten a taxi, he doubted she'd gone home. All he knew was that he had to get away from here and fast.

He strode back to the party, pausing momentarily as he fought the urge to drink away the pain and fall into a cushioning oblivion. He brushed that urge away, at least for now. Unable to completely abandon Jude he made his way through the crowded dance floor and over to Kwest, barely noticing the love struck expression on his friend's face as he gazed at the sister of the woman who had caused the dull ache currently residing in Tommy's chest.

"Kwest!" He spoke above the music, waving a hand to catch his attention, "Look, I have to leave. Can you give Jude a ride home later on?"

Sadie's eyes were wide as she watched Tommy then glanced back to Kwest. He was frowning slightly as he nodded to Tommy. "Sure, man. Is everything okay?"

"Fine," Tommy was already walking away, pushing through the bodies that blocked his escape as he watched the 'EXIT' light loom into focus up ahead.

---

It had been raining and as Tommy's Porsche sped over the motorway the wheels pounded through puddles, spraying water about in a momentary glimmer of jewel like reflections from passing cars.

He gritted his teeth and gripped the steering wheel tighter as he gazed at the road ahead of him. Somehow Jude's scent managed to linger in the car despite the absence of her presence and the fact only added to the sting of her rejection.

The glare of headlights from an oncoming truck was almost blinding and Tommy blinked, fighting the temporary suicidal urge to swing the car around and drive beneath the truck's crushing wheels.

When he finally arrived back at the apartment building he drove into the hollow, cold parking garage and leapt from the car, the echo of his door slamming echoed off the concrete walls and bounced back to him as he strode across the floor to the waiting elevator.

Inside his apartment he tore of his confining jacket and carelessly tossed the expensive item to the corridor floor. Yanking at his tie, he loosened it considerably by the time he reached the door to his bedroom. Once inside he slammed that door behind him too. He was unable to find solace in the angry outburst. 

He fell backward onto his bed with an angry exhale of air and kicked of his shoes. Lights from the street danced upon his ceiling as he gazed up in complete silence. Somewhere in his angry march a trace of dust must have found its way into his eyes. He brushed away the two useless drops of moisture falling from his lashes.

Washing Jude Harrison away; he knew would not be as easy.

---

Jude was silent on the car ride back to Tommy's apartment. She could tell from the curious and concerned glances Sadie was tossing in her direction that her sister was concerned. Occasionally Kwest would glance at her through the rear vision mirror and she saw concern there too.

Glancing from Sadie to Kwest Jude saw two faces that cared about her and Tommy, two faces that were concerned about her – one knew the truth, the other didn't. She was left to wonder; was ignorance really bliss?

Kwest pulled his SUV up in front of the apartment building and Jude's hand was already tugging on the door handle before the car had come to a complete stop, "Thanks for the ride," she mumbled as she hopped out.

The sound of her car door closing behind her was overlapped by the sound of Sadie's opening. Jude sighed and quickly turned away from the car, pretending not to have noticed her sister's hastily approaching form. Though it had never worked when they were younger Jude was always hopeful that the cliché would someday come true: ignore her and maybe she would go away.

"Jude? Jude! Wait up!" Sadie's high heels tapped noisily on the concrete footpath as Jude paused in front of the clear glass doors of the apartment lobby. She slowly turned to face her sister.

"Look, I'm really tired. I'll call you tomorrow okay?" she tried.

Sadie peered at her. "Something's wrong isn't it?"

Jude raised a hand in the air in frustration, "I'm not… really sure," she exhaled as soon as the last syllable sounded, feeling herself deflate with the release of oxygen.

"You can talk to me," Sadie spoke softly, gently.

Jude put a hand on her shoulder and nodded, "I know but not yet okay? I need to work a few things out first. Don't worry about me. Enjoy the rest of your date with Kwest."

She turned toward the door and heard Sadie sigh, "I love you Jude," she said quietly before turning back to the car.

---

Jude dropped her bag on the table in the hallway and eyed Tommy's bedroom door. There was a whole lot of empty space between her and the door and as she stared at it she felt her nervousness grow. It was like a scene in a movie where the audience understood the character's fear by the sound of their heart pumping throughout the theatre as the space between the door and person expanded and shrank, blurred and sharpened. All the while the heartbeat increased in speed and volume then suddenly the screen and sound faded to a dramatic cliffhanger black. 

She took a step or two forward then stopped and raised a finger to her mouth. Nervously she chewed on the nail, merely nibbling and not biting, a nervous habit she'd not completely discarded when she first kicked the nail biting habit. 

What could she say? What _should_ she say? She wasn't really sure what had happened. Had she even said a word? He'd admitted something that was obviously a big deal to him and she hadn't even said anything in response.

It was like that time in third grade when she had told her crush Cody Marks that she liked him. He'd laughed and walked away and she'd been shattered. She'd cried for a week. So maybe she hadn't laughed but she was starting to realize the magnitude of her mistake and how poorly she'd handled the situation.

What had Tommy meant? What had he said? He was drawn to her. She was like a magnet that he was scared of. No, that wasn't it. He scared himself when he was around her. He was scared of what he might do or say.

But what did that mean? It wasn't a confession of love by any extent; merely attraction? Had he just said he'd liked her or was it even less then that? No, his reaction would be an overreaction if that was the case.

The biggest question of all remained; how could she fix this?

She strode decisively down the hallway and light tapped on his stark white door. "Tommy?" she whispered, "Are you asleep?"

There was no response so she tapped a little louder. "I know you're not asleep. Tommy, are you mad at me? You are, aren't you?"

"Tommy?" she knocked again. "Tommy, please talk to me? I need to explain." She leaned her forehead against the cold, white door and exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry," she whispered, probably too softly for him to hear.

"It's not about you," she cringed at the terrible cliché. "There's just so much going on and I'm trying to deal with so much." Tears choked her voice as she struggled to continue. "My parents hate me, my fans hate me, the press hates me and I'm trying to stay afloat with my music and then this pregnancy… every second of the present and the future terrifies me."

She paused.

"I can't add anything more to the mix right now. I don't dare. Maybe it's selfish but I'm trying to protect myself, to protect us…" she rested her palm and forehead against the door. "You mean so much to me. Please, Tommy, please understand."

---

After the deafening response of silence to her pleas and vindications Jude returned to her room. She felt out of place and empty as she curled up on her bed without getting in. She gazed out at the street below and watched as raindrops landed on the fire escape across the road. The drops clung to the metal before gravity took hold and they fell to the earth in a suicidal mission into oblivion.

Over the last couple of months she'd come to think of this place as her home, just as Tommy had requested. She didn't know the exact point where it stopped being Tommy's apartment and became _their_ apartment but the transition had been there; seamless and so much easier then it should have been.

But now that had changed. Suddenly she was an unwelcome guest in a house that belonged to a person who most likely hated her. She thought of him lying on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling and resenting her. He'd probably find that photo album with the mysterious picture from her Sweet 16 and tear it to shreds. He probably didn't want her here anymore and she certainly didn't feel welcome.

For the first time in a long time she was tempted to give into the wallowing embrace of tears but she fought it.

Perhaps she was reading too much into the situation. Perhaps the morning would roll around and they'd be fine. Okay, so that was completely impossible but maybe the problem wasn't as big as she was thinking, perhaps they could work through it. She'd have to wait and see.

Eventually she pulled the blankets up over her shivering body and willed her eyes to close.

---

Tommy awoke the next morning to a mood no better then the night before. He'd listened silently to Jude's pleas and apologies before pulling a pillow over his head and fuming himself into a fitful sleep. 'The sun will come out tomorrow' didn't seem that likely.

Jude was already awake and silently eating a slice of toast when he ventured into the kitchen. He wore nothing more then a pair of pajama pants, for once not bothering to dress or act in a way to make her comfortable. He slammed the cupboards and banged a cup down onto the bench as he prepared a cup of coffee.

Jude's eyes followed him as he walked around the room, not once looking at her. She gulped down her mouthful then left the room with her half eaten piece of toast, opting to eat somewhere with a calmer atmosphere.

Tommy only glanced over as she disappeared through the door, a muscle twitching in his jaw before he returned to his drink.

---

Tommy was in the shower and though Jude had attempted to hide in her room from the negative atmosphere he was creating it wasn't working. Like the steam from the shower, his anger was seeping through the cracks and seams to fill the entire apartment.

She ran a hand through her hair and gazed out her window at the hustle and bustle on the street below. She could see a hotel sign a few doors up and she chewed on her bottom lip as an idea came to mind. Turning, she surveyed her room with clothes strewn on the floor, necklaces hanging from the dresser mirror, her make-up and hair accessories covering every clear space and a guitar stacked in one corner.

This time yesterday this room and this apartment had felt like home but now she felt like a prisoner in a space that was far too small. Should she take it? Should she let his anger wash over her? Did she really deserve it? Wasn't she trying to be a stronger person?

She took a deep, fortifying breath and walked over to the cupboard. She rifled around inside and pulled out a large black suitcase. She lifted it up onto the bed, opened it and began to pack.

---

Still dripping, Tommy checked his towel was securely in place and opened the bathroom door. The apartment had been absolutely silent when he'd gotten into the shower, so much so he'd almost forgotten Jude's presence. Yeah, _almost_. Now he could hear music playing softly from her room and not the music he liked either; a band she happened to know he despised. He frowned and watched as she retrieved a scarf from behind the lounge sofa and started walking back to her room. She jumped slightly when she spotted him watching her silently but shook off any outer reaction and proceeded on as if nothing had happened.

He took a few casual steps down the hallway, running a hand through his hair and glancing about at the walls and ceiling as if checking for leaks or a mold infestation. He casually glanced through the open door of her bedroom then stopped dead in his tracks, all facades of disinterest instantly lost.

"What are you doing?" he asked tersely, the first words he'd spoken to her since their disastrous anti conversation in the studio the night before.

She was shoving the scarf into one of the inner liners of her suitcase. She glanced up at him then began folding a pair of jeans. Virtually every other possession was packed in that small suitcase and he could quickly see the old, sparse and depressing guest room reappearing as Jude's room disappeared. "Packing," Jude responded calmly.

He could feel that anger welling up inside of him again, not to mention the sting of rejection as new coals were heaped on the fire. "Why?" he asked it through gritted teeth.

She shoved the jeans into the suitcase then scooped up a handful of hair ties and scrunchies. "I know when I'm not welcome."

In a spur of familiar but almost forgotten rage he punched the door frame, the sound echoing throughout the room. Jude flinched, her actions stilling as she gazed at him, eyes wide.

Swearing under his breath he turned and walked away. He angrily strode down the hallway, kicked open his bedroom door then slammed it shut behind him.

Perhaps anger hadn't been the most successful route. Perhaps a conversation, perhaps a reassurance, perhaps a dash of truth or a little pleading would have helped the situation.

No. This was Tommy Quincy and he didn't plan on stooping to any of the lows of a reasonable nature.

---

Tommy spent the majority of the day sulking in his bedroom. The fact that both he and Jude where scheduled for studio time, and that Darius wouldn't be happy barely factored into the equation. He could hear Jude moving around the apartment as she continued to pack, various angry girl albums the soundtrack to her tantrum.

Her actions were extreme, he couldn't help smiling slightly to himself and rolling his eyes. This was so Jude: he doesn't talk to her for a few hours and she decides to move out. They were so similar sometimes it was scary. Then he'd go right back to frowning and hurling a tennis ball at the ceiling as he muttered about girls and terrible angry girl music.

A few hours later he heard the front door close and the apartment became quiet. There was no more Jude stomping around or cupboards in the bathroom being opened and closed, no more drawers scraping as they were angrily opened – nothing.

He sat up, propping himself up on his elbows as he strained to listen. Had she really done it? Had she really left their home, left him? He quickly leapt off the bed, the tennis ball falling from his hands and to the floor, completely unnoticed. He threw open his bedroom door and ran down the hallway. He skidded to a stop at Jude's door. He was only wearing socks and he skidded on the polished wooden floor, nearly falling but managing to grasp onto the doorframe and keep himself upright.

Her room was completely packed, the bed stripped and every item of hers gone. The only remaining trace of her was the suitcase and plastic bag sitting by her bedroom door, waiting.

He slapped his hand against the doorframe as he turned away from it. He ran a hand through his hair and gritted his teeth before racing back to his room and throwing a shirt on over his undershirt, and putting on some shoes and a jacket. He then grabbed his keys and left for G-Major.

---

When Tommy arrived at the studio an hour or so later he instantly spotted Jude screaming in the recording booth. She wasn't screaming in the traditional tantrum having, items throwing, screaming fit, in fact her screaming seemed to resemble some small semblance of singing. It was something so unlike Jude that Tommy did a double take. He dropped his paperwork on a sofa and strode into the sound booth to find Kwest cringing at the sound board.

"What's going on here?" Tommy demanded.

Shrugging, Kwest spun to face him, "Jude arrived a half an hour ago and said she had a song to record." 

"Without me?"

Kwest shrugged, "She said not to call you, seemed pretty upset too. At first I was expecting her to burst into tears but now I'm worried she's going to break something… either with her hands or her voice."

Acknowledging Jude's presence for the first time, Tommy turned and gazed through the glass wall. Her eyes had been fixed on him but the moment he turned to her she closed them and put her hands to her head.

The song wasn't one he recognized – leaving him to concede it was new. It was driven by an angry electric guitar and pounding base. It sounded more like something Korn would record. The guitar solo ended and Jude's voice once again filled the room as she screamed her way into the chorus.

Tommy swore loudly and dove for the volume controls as Kwest cringed and shook his head in defeat. "She's been like that the whole time," he explained. "D isn't going to be happy we're wasting valuable recording time. Whatever you did Tom, I'd suggest fixing **IT.**" 

"Me?" Tommy's eyes widened in offence, "She's the one who did something!"

"What happened?" Tommy shook his head dismissively but Kwest knew him too well. He knew when there was something important that Tommy wasn't telling him and wasn't going to be so easily put off. "I've been listening to _this_," he jabbed his index finger in Jude's direction, "for the last half hour. I think I deserve a reason why!"

Tommy shrugged, looking anywhere but at his friend or Jude, "I… I told her I was attracted to her and she shot me down." He shrugged.

"Oh, so she doesn't have enough to deal with right now so you go and add that to her plate." Kwest shook his head in contempt.

Tommy whipped around to face him, surprise evident on his face, "That's what she said."

Kwest stood, "Come on T. The girl's pregnant at seventeen. Practically everyone she cares about has deserted her. You're the only security she's got. Don't take that away from her. Don't ask her to risk losing you too."

He walked out of the room leaving Tommy alone with the last strains of Jude's voice as the song faded out. He'd been leaning against the soundboard but finally looked up to meet her hurt filled eyes. A miniature stand-off commenced until she threw off her headphones and started for the door.

He dove for the intercom, "Wait!" 

She paused with her hand on the doorknob, her back to him. Slowly she turned. "I could quote a Hilary Duff song right now and say you've joined the ranks of all the rest."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Maybe he was starting to relate to how she'd been feeling but that didn't change the fact that he'd been rejected for the first time in his life. It stung more then he ever thought it would and he wasn't quite ready to let go of that burning anger. He wasn't ready to make nice.

"My parents abandoned me at the drop of a hat; my friends, my family. Granted you lasted a little longer but you're just like the rest of them. You've abandoned me too. So if you want out of our little agreement then consider this your get out of jail free card." She opened the door and strode from the room.

**Teasers for Chapter 31:**

_"What do you want Jude?" Darius asked evenly, "Was there any particular goal in that little tirade?"_

"I want you to give Tommy his other artists back. I want his full position restored."

"And you're willing to risk your own job here to get that?" His expression still didn't display the annoyance that was most likely hiding behind it. 

---

_**A/N:**__  
9 pages of Jommy bickering. Fun, fun, fun. I never said either of them were reasonable..._

I'd love to know what you guys think of the characters actions and reactions. I've been a little worried. (Sorry, I know I've been told not to...)

You're all up-to-date now. Meaning I've only written one scene toward the next chapter.


	31. Chapter 31: Sisters

_New Chapter. Apologies for lack of Jommy. I hope you like it nonetheless._

**Chapter 31: Sisters**

Jude stalked her way across the G-Major lobby. Her demeanor and expression displayed her disgruntled state and accordingly people avoided her – normal people, that is.

"Jude," Darius called from the door of his office as he waved her over, "I need to talk to you."

"Now isn't really a good time," Jude responded weakly as she walked over.

"Nonsense." He clapped her on the back, just hard enough to hurt, though it wasn't the intention and pushed her through the door, "You've always got time for the guy who signs your paycheck."

"Right," Jude nodded with a wince as she sat down on one of the sofas. She closed her eyes for a second and pushed her emotions and frustrations to the back of her mind. She wouldn't allow the drama with Tommy, the drama with her family or the drama of her pregnancy to affect her work or her work relationships (not including the one with Tommy which was already blown to smithereens months before); she was a professional.

"So how is that single you promised me coming along?" Darius asked as he sat down on the throne-like chair behind his desk.

"That, huh." Jude's voice wobbled, "Well I've been recording all day…" She opted not to mention that the song she'd been recording was a mere outlet of anger and something Darius would hate. That little fact wasn't relevant.

"That's what I like to hear," he grinned, "So how's recording going? How are things with Tommy? Is he treating you okay? Cause' if he isn't I'll fire his ass before you can say 'Little Tommy Q'."

At the mention of Tommy Jude's attention perked up. She lifted her eyes from the floor and glanced over her shoulder and out into the G-Major lobby. She could see a very unhappy Tommy talking to a courier guy. He signed for a parcel then glanced at his watch and back into the studio. Finally he shook his head, handed the parcel to a passing intern then left the building – having sacrificed his other artists for her and now without Jude, there was no reason to stick around. Suddenly Jude felt her attitude toward him change. 

"Tommy's great, Darius," she said, turning back to him.

"That's infatuation speaking. It'll wear off soon enough, when you see who he really is. You don't even know him." 

Jude's face was quickly changing from polite and conscientiousness to an unhappy glare. "I do know him. Probably better than you do. What he's done for me these last couple of months is amazing and I know you think you know everything about everything but sometimes Darius, you just don't," she could feel her heartbeat increasing as adrenaline coursed through her veins, she was sweating too; probably because what she was doing and saying was complete career suicide.

"There are things about us you don't know so you just have to take my word on it. He's amazing and he doesn't deserve the way you've been treating him lately. He certainly doesn't deserve to be virtually fired because of falling in love and making a couple of stupid mistakes." She jutted her chin out and glared at him defiantly as she delivered the death blow, "If I recall things with your daughter's mother where rather controversial a few years back. It's not like you haven't been there yourself. You don't have the right to judge."

She was panting slightly as she finished speaking. The adrenaline was starting to wear off; now it was just leaden dread racing through her veins as she watched Darius emotionless face for a response.

"What do you want Jude?" he asked evenly, "Was there any particular goal in that little tirade?"

"I want you to give Tommy his other artists back. I want his full position restored."

"And you're willing to risk your own job here to get that?" His expression still didn't display the annoyance that was most likely hiding behind it.

"I'm not crazy about the idea but Tommy's sacrificed for me and it's about time I did something in return."

Darius leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers together and sliding them behind his bald head as he leaned back on them. "I really don't know everything because that statement doesn't make one scrap of sense to me." 

"So take my word for it." She held her breath.

He stood up and walked around his desk. He paused in front of it then leaned back against the mahogany surface. "I'm not happy about this Jude. You were out of line before and I won't have my artists speaking to me with such disrespect. I know you're pregnant and hormonal and on top of that you're a teenager and female so you're pretty much emotional and impulsive all the time but don't ever talk to me like that again, you got it?" he barked.

Jude nodded silently. 

"On the other hand I appreciate spunk and the ability to stand up for yourself and the people you care about. You'll go far with your music and with raising your child if you continue to stand up for yourself like that. I'm not making any promises but I'll reassess the Tommy situation. His artists are working well with their new producers but I may be able to relocate a couple of new artists to his roster. We'll see…"

Jude stood up slowly, her legs feeling a little wobbly and her stomach a little queasy. "Thank you." She turned to start to walk away then stopped. She turned back to him and closed the distance between them. Tentatively she reached up and wrapped her arms around the large man in an uncertain and one sided hug, "I'm glad you're the guy who signs my paycheck," she said softly before leaving the room.

---

Jude's head was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions as she wandered through the G-Major lobby. There was anger at Tommy still swirling around inside her and festering like an open wound but then there was gratitude for all he'd done and sacrificed in the past. She'd come to adore him and despite the recent mishaps of the last twenty-four hours, she couldn't completely banish that.

She put a hand to her head and debated what to do. He was no longer at G-Major so most likely he'd returned to the apartment. She'd left her bags there and had no choice but to return – at least for them. After that she had nowhere to go.

"Trying to do Calculus again, Jude?" Sadie asked as she strolled past her baffled looking sister.

"Not funny," Jude muttered as she exhaled heavily. 

"I saw Tommy storm out of here like a thundercloud earlier. Did you guys have a fight?"

"Yes, no. I don't really know…" She could feel frustration welling up inside her.

"Well if it's any consolation the road of love is never a smooth ride," Sadie pointed out with a nervous smile.

"We're not in love okay!" It bubbled out like lava from a volcanic eruption, before she even had time to realize what she was saying. She glanced about but thankfully no one had noticed her outburst in the busy lobby. She chanced a glance at Sadie who was sporting a perplexed expression much like Jude's own a moment before.

"I know you're not happy with each other at the moment…" Sadie said slowly, trying to figure out Jude's meaning, "but that's still a rather extreme statement…."

"I wanted to tell you Sadie," Jude's voice was breaking and her eyes were watering. The events of the last twenty-four hours where piling on top of her and she could feel herself being crushed beneath them. "I did, but the timing was off and I didn't want to upset you and I didn't know how to say it and then last night was just so horrible and Tommy hates me and Darius, well Darius is okay I guess," she stopped babbling long enough to release a strangled sob and if Sadie hadn't been able to spot the signs of a breakdown before she could certainly spot them now.

"Let's go somewhere a little more quite to talk."

"It's just the hormones," Jude explained, trying to brush off her sister's concern as she lead her out to the back alley, "I'm a total basket case today. In five minutes I'll probably be in a fit of hysterical laughter," the suffix was lost in a long drawn out sob and Sadie quickly shoved a tissue into her hand. Jude brought it to her eyes and blindly let Sadie steer her to the back step.

"Jude tell me what's going on," Sadie spoke in that authoritative big sister tone Jude had only heard when they were younger and she was babysitting or when she'd spoken down to her in front of her friends.

Jude blinked back the pesky tears that weren't helping in any other way but obscuring her vision. Perhaps being partially unable to see Sadie's reaction was a good thing. "I lied to you," she said simply.

Sadie frowned, her eyebrows drawing together and leaving a formidable crease between her eyes. In that moment Jude saw that brief flash of recognition; of seeing herself in her sister. The expression, the tweak of the eyelids the tilt of the chin; for a moment they actually looked alike.

"About what?"

Jude shrugged and weakly squeaked out, "Everything."

She shook her head, "I don't understand," she sounded tired.

"The baby isn't Tommy's," Jude's voice was strained and hoarse as she watched Sadie's eyes widen. "We lied. We're not together, never have been. The real father is some jerk I met, if you could call it that, at some party. I was drunk and things got out of hand. I knew what Mum and Dad would think about that and I couldn't have the public knowing. It would ruin my career. Oh gosh, Sadie, don't look at me like that!"

Sadie's lips were pinched and her eyes drawn into little slits. She looked away, over her shoulder and down the alley where a stray cat was scrounging around by a trash can. "So how did Tommy get involved in this?" she asked, still not looking at me.

"I found out at G-Major. I was hiding out in the bathrooms when I was supposed to be recording and he sought me out. I guess I kind of blurted it out when he asked what was wrong. He offered to help. People would react better to the story we're telling then the truth… Sadie?"

"So you could tell your Producer who you pretty much hated but you couldn't talk to your own sister?" Her voice was wobbly and high pitched – the signs of a major emotional breakdown.

"I wanted to tell you."

She spun around to face me, eyes flashing, "Then why didn't you?"

"I don't know. I was scared. I didn't want you to hate me…"

"Jude!" She threw her hands up into the air in frustration, "I could never hate you! Not for that. Damn it." She put a hand to her head, "Do you know how close I came to being in your situation once?"

"When?"

She shook her head, "I don't know. I was sixteen or so and there was this senior. I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you tell me about it?" Jude asked gently.

"No, but that was different. You were younger. You were still in Junior High and I didn't want you to know how stupid I'd been. I was your big sister; I was supposed to be a role model. I didn't want you repeating my stupid mistakes."

"Too late."

She sighed, "I should have told you."

Jude shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not, but I definitely should have told you. I'm sorry. I haven't been thinking right for so long. I keep making these _stupid_ mistakes that just screw everything up." She sighed, "I need you Sadie. I need you in my corner and on my side. Please can you forgive me?"

Sadie chewed on her bottom lip and looked skyward, swishing her hair back in that supermodel like way she was completely unaware of as she debated their relationship's status. "Like I said Jude; I could never hate you. But _please_ don't freeze me out of your life because you're afraid of what I'm going to think. I don't want to be like our parents. I want to be here for you."

Jude nodded silently as she wrapped her arms tightly around her sister, "I love you," she whispered into her ear as she squeezed her tightly and this time let the tears freely flow.

---

Jude tapped her foot nervously, as she gazed at the flashing numbers above the elevator door. "One, two, three," she murmured softly, barely blinking as she watched the numbers change.

"Would you stop that?" Sadie groaned by the time they'd reached the sixth floor. 

"We should have taken the stairs." Jude said, neither noticing nor acknowledging her sisters complaints, "He never takes the stairs. We might get to his floor, the doors open and there he is. I am not up to that right now."

"Well I think you're overreacting. You two just need to sit down and talk already!"

"I _know_, okay? You said that a million times in the car coming over here," Jude snapped.

Sadie rolled her eyes, "and you didn't listen once."

"This is it!" Jude leapt behind Sadie, trying to shelter her body behind her sister's petite frame as the bell rang and the doors slid open with a metallic groan.

"You are being ridiculous," Sadie whispered over her shoulder but despite herself she found herself holding her breath as she stuck her head out into the corridor and peered about. "Coast is clear," she reported to Jude who was still jumping about behind her in an attempt to stay shielded. "Stop doing that! It's creeping me out."

Jude laughed and stepped out from behind Sadie. "I'm just kidding!" she insisted nonchalantly as she leaned against the wall of the elevator, her arms crossed over her chest in what was an effort to look casual but appeared more defensive and on guard.

Sadie casually strolled into the hallway while Jude stayed in the elevator. Eventually Jude stuck her head out like a meerkat surveying the desert before venturing out into the hallway. 

"Considering how indifferent to one another you insist you and Tommy are; you're acting pretty nervous right now," Sadie pointed out.

"I couldn't care either way," Jude shrugged dismissively, "honestly!" she stopped at the door to Tommy's apartment and motioned to Sadie, "Now you knock and check if he's home and I'll go hide behind that plastic tree over there." She took a step but Sadie caught her by the shoulder and pulled her back.

"I don't know if you're kidding again but you're staying right here," she knocked on the door before Jude could argue then leaned in close, attempting to see through the peephole; Jude's nervousness having proven somewhat contagious. Jude chewed her lip nervously as the two waited. After no response Sadie tried the doorbell but again there was no response.

"He's not here," Sadie declared.

Jude rolled her eyes, "Or he's not answering the door."

Sadie's eyes widened as she sarcastically commented, "Wow, you two are so _different_. He's hiding under the bed and you just about hid behind a bush." 

"Plastic evergreen dear sister," Jude remarked as she fished her keys out of her bag and handed them over after Sadie's silent motioned request, "and thanks for the mental image of Tommy hiding under his bed; I shall enjoy that for years to come."

---

The apartment was deathly quiet as Sadie dropped Jude's keys on the little table in the corridor and shrugged off her jacket.

"Don't do that!" Jude hissed in a voice barely above a whisper, "We're not staying long."

Ignoring the reprimand, Sadie hung up her jacket and started walking toward the kitchen. "I'm making a coffee. I need caffeine. Go do whatever it is you want to do." 

Jude watched her sister's disappearing form then slowly turned her head to glance toward Tommy's bedroom. The door was partially ajar and feeling like a character in a horror film about to meet a dark demise at the end of the hallway – Jude started walking toward it. Pausing before the stark white door, she slowly reached forward and pushed on it gently. "Tommy?" she whispered.

The room was empty and dark, the curtains still pulled with only a slight crack of light illuminating the room. Tommy's bed was unmade which was an unusual stark contrast to his normally tidy habits. His leather jacket was scrunched up on the floor and Jude was tempted to pick it up and hang it, knowing how much it meant to him, but she decided against it; not wanting her presence to be known.

She turned away and slowly walked toward her room. She had the bizarre feeling of being in a fish bowl, as if a million tiny eyes were watching through the walls and judging her actions. She could almost hear their tiny voices calling out instructions and reprimands as she pulled out the handle of her large suitcase and wheeled it to the front door. She returned for her smaller carry bag and paused at the door of her bedroom. It was unrecognizable from a few days earlier and she wondered if this was really the last time she'd see it. That morning she'd been so determined she wanted to leave this apartment and Tommy; now all she wanted to do was stay.

Sighing softly she closed the door behind her.

**Teasers for Chapter 32**

"Tommy? It's Sadie. Look, I know everything; what happened at G-Major the other night and what's really going on with you and Jude. We're staying at the Presidential Suite at the Hilton so obviously Jude is handling things _fantastically_," she rolled her eyes, "I don't really know where you stand on all of this. I hate operating on just one side of the story but you know where she is now, okay? The ball is in your court."

---

There on the plush red carpeted floor, rubbing his forehead in pain and blinking wearily was Tommy. He glanced about him, as if trying to figure out what he was doing on the floor, finally his eyes fell on Sadie and he blinked at her, "Um, hey. Think you could help me up?" he asked, holding a hand out to her.

"Think you could _sober_ up?" She muttered as she took his hand and slowly and with much effort pulled him up off the floor.


	32. Chapter 32: Bathrooms

_** B A/N /B :**__ Okay, so I've been holding off posting this chapter for lack of interesting teasers for the next and I have to admit the ones that are here now are just plain bizarre. Apologies about that... _

  
**Chapter 32: Bathrooms**

Tommy arrived home to an empty apartment, his speech a little slurred and his walk a little wobbly for the four shots he'd drunk in quick succession at a nearby bar. An unwanted phone number from some faceless girl was crumpled up in his jeans pocket and he stank of cigarette smoke.

Blinking drunkenly and leaning against the hall table, he pushed open the door to Jude's room, quickly noticed the absence of her bags and swore loudly. He slammed the door of her room behind him, not quite able to get the desired effect due to the swinging motion rather then pushing. He almost tripped as he started walking to his room but managed to right himself with one hand against the wall.

In his room he kicked aside his leather jacket and quickly moved to the closet. He rifled around, pushing aside the dust covered old boxes stacked above the hangers before he found what he was searching for; an old, half full bottle of whiskey. He quickly uncapped it and took a quick gulp, wincing at the strong taste.

In the ensuing silence he gazed about his room angrily, feeling as if the silence and darkness had taken on a life and force of their own and where creeping closer and closer to him, plotting and preparing to overtake and wrestle him to the floor. 

His old friend the whiskey bottle quickly lost its appeal and he dropped it to the floor, not caring when it fell on its side with a loud thunk and its contents slowly spilt on the floor. He put his head in his hands and sighed in frustration.

He had to do something. He had to fix something; fix _this_ but he was in no state to do it now. As he glanced up the room began to tilt and gradually spin about him and he groaned as his head began to pound. Slowly he lay down on the unmade bed and succumbed to sleep.

---

"This is nice," Jude told both Sadie and herself as she walked into the Presidential Suite of the Hilton and set her bags down on the floor. 

"It had better be nice for that many thousands per night," Sadie observed grudgingly as she walked in behind her sister.

"So it's lavish and ridiculous. Sue me. I need something… nice right now."

Forcing a smile Sadie closed the door behind her and grabbed a nearby room service menu. She was determined to influence her sister to make-up with Tommy but she could see it was going to take some time and persuasion. "Then nice we shall have. What do you feel like for dinner: the hundred dollar scrambled eggs or the thousand dollar lobster?"

"Okay, now you're exaggerating," Jude muttered with an eye roll as she leaned over Sadie's shoulder and surveyed the list, "It does not say that!" She slapped her sister's arm in a scolding manner then slowly twirled around the room. She slid open the doors to the balcony and stepped out to survey the stunning Toronto view. "Check this out!" she called.

"Wow," Sadie nodded agreeably after admiring the view and brushing hair out of her face in the soft breeze, "Do you think you should maybe call Tommy and just let him know you're okay and that you have somewhere to stay?"

Jude was already half way across the room when Sadie spoke and either she didn't hear or chose not to acknowledge the inquiry, "Ooh, I wonder what the bathroom is like. I could really go for a spa bath right now!" She raced across the room and disappeared through the mahogany doors.

Sadie sighed and glanced at her watch; 4pm. She glanced at the door Jude had disappeared through one last time before grabbing the cordless phone from the bedside table and venturing out onto the balcony once again.

She knew what was best for Jude, she assured her self. Wasn't she the one who'd looked out for her all through school (not including the times she snapped at her and all those years of high school where ninety-five percent of the time she was the worst bully her sister encountered. It wasn't like she'd actually meant it…). She was the one who'd cleaned up scraped knees when their mother hadn't had the time to do so. It was Sadie who'd tried to drag her sister out of her self imposed shell and it was her job to fix things between Jude and Tommy now, regardless of whether she wanted the help or not.

She quickly dialed Tommy's number and glanced back into the room to check if Jude had returned as the phone rang with no answer. Eventually an answering machine clicked in and Sadie held her hair down at the base of her neck as she spoke quickly.

"Tommy? It's Sadie. Look, I know everything; what happened at G-Major the other night and what's really going on with you and Jude. We're staying at the Presidential Suite at the Hilton so obviously Jude is handling things _fantastically_," she rolled her eyes, "I don't really know where you stand on all of this. I hate operating on just one side of the story but you know where she is now, okay? The ball is in your court."

---

"I _don't want_ to watch this, Sadie!" Jude uttered hastily from behind the hands she had shielding her eyes. The two girls were curled up at the head of the big King size bed facing the flat screen TV. On the screen a women was screaming in pain, her face sweaty and red as she gave birth.

"Just think, that'll be you in a few months," Sadie observed with an evil giggle as she tossed a kernel of room service acquired popcorn into the air and caught it in her mouth.

Moving her hands Jude turned to silently glare at her. 

"What?" Sadie's eyes widened innocently, "It's true."

"I'm going to the bathroom," Jude tossed aside the pillow she had been clutching to her chest and let the room.

Sadie shrugged to herself as she pulled the blanket up around her waist and fixed her bored attention to the TV screen. Truth be told, she wasn't as over Jude's lies as she appeared – or didn't appear. She wanted to be fine with it, she wanted to be supporting but there was still a part of her that was hurt, resentful and just a little… punchy. 

There was a knock at the door, one silent thud and Sadie glanced over casually, wondering if someone had accidentally bumped into it as they walked past. She muted the TV and could hear footsteps shuffling and then a slight 'oof' sound like someone crashing into a hard surface. A few seconds later there was another knock, an unusually long pause and another knock after that.

Swallowing her mouthful of popcorn, she set aside the bowl and padded over to the door. "Who is it?" she asked as she leaned in close to the peephole. All she could see was an empty hallway, stretching to the left and right with no one inside. Suddenly there was a brief blur of motion and a muffled response as someone – or something – flew past the peephole's range of vision and disappeared southward. "What the hell?" she muttered as she unlocked the door and swung it open.

There on the plush red carpeted floor, rubbing his forehead in pain and blinking wearily was Tommy. He glanced about him, as if trying to figure out what he was doing on the floor, finally his eyes fell on Sadie and he blinked at her, "Um, hey."

Not amused, Sadie didn't answer. Instead she rested one hand on her hip as the other tapped a slow beat on the door, her fingernails tapping against the polished wood.

"Think you could help me up?" Tommy asked, holding a hand out to her.

"Think you could _sober_ up?" She muttered as she took his hand and slowly and with much effort pulled him up off the floor.

"I did," he nodded to himself as he swayed on his feet slightly. "I slept and drank really, really dark and horrible coffee," he yawned. "Did I say I slept? Yup, did that. I had a shower and I didn't even use hair gel," he pointed a finger into the air with a flourish, "Jude's always teasing me about hair gel well HA! I don't need it to survive so there." He frowned and scratched his head, "What was I saying again?"

"You were convincing me you were sober," she smiled, "and doing _such_ a good job, might I add?"

He smiled the action slow, his lips gradually turning up, his eyes blinking as if in slow motion, "That's good. You know; I took a cab here and I forgot my wallet so I couldn't pay the cab driver," another long pause, "so they paid at front desk and charged it to your room."

"Fantastic." Sadie glanced behind her into the room. Steam was drifting in from the bathroom and she could hear water running. She assumed Jude must be about to taking the spa bath she had been talking about. "Look, come in but don't make any noise and don't break anything."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Tommy nodded and saluted. The small motion threw him off balance and he staggered toward the wall, knocking into a framed print and knocking it off its hanging. Sadie dove forward and caught it just before it hit the ground. Tommy shrugged, cringing, "Oops?"

"Tommy. Why are you here?" Sadie asked as she positioned him in front a clear wall and motioned for him to stay still. She turned and hung the print up again before facing him and waiting.

"To fix it."

"Couldn't it have waited until the morning?"

He shook his head, "Nope. By then she would have moved to New Zealand or Zimbabwe or something and I'd never see her again. It's no good. I'm not doing it. Oh crap, where's the toilet?" He clutched a hand to his mouth and Sadie's eyes widened. Not waiting for a response, Tommy started groping his way along the wall and around the corner. He found the door to the bathroom, still slightly ajar and pushed it open. Jude was standing by the mirror, applying a mud mask to her face and didn't even notice the blur of drunken boybander as he raced past and through the door to the adjoining toilet. Miraculously he had the forethought to close it behind him before loudly throwing up.

"I told you that curry wasn't a good idea Sadie," Jude called as she squeezed more of the green gunk onto her hand and dabbed it onto her nose.

Outside the bathroom Sadie had her back to the wall to the left of the door. She leaned back, resting her head against the wall as she chewed on her lower lip. She'd wanted to fix things between her sister and Tommy but short of locking them in the bathroom together she couldn't think of any way to bring a solution out of their current predicament.

The twinge of resentment fluttered around in the pit of her stomach again as she remembered the camera she'd given Jude and Tommy at Christmas; "To chronicle your life together". Her sister had tricked and manipulated her. Why not do a little manipulation of her own? Spinning around, she quickly leaned into the bathroom and grabbed the Crystal doorknob. Jude turned in time to see a blur of her sister's blond hair as the door swung closed behind hair. A second later the sound of a lock sliding into place was heard.

Frowning Jude glanced from the door of the bathroom to the door of the toilet. The retching had stopped and short of the occasional groan there was no sound. A second later the toilet flushed.

"Sadie!" Jude screamed as she ran to the bathroom door and began to pound on it, "There's someone in here who apparently isn't you! Sadie! Help!"

---

Tommy fiddled with the doorknob, his fingers slipping and failing to grasp the faceted crystal. He was aware of screaming coming from the other side of the wall and he wished the person would shut up. Already he could feel his drunken state turning into a hung over one as his head began to pound.

He finally got the door open, only to greeted with shrill screaming as a startled blonde woman he quickly assumed was Jude began to hurl towels and shampoo bottles at him. "Crap," he winced as a bottle connected with his skull, "Jude! It's me!" 

Recognizing his voice she stopped reaching for weapons and spun around to face him. He was momentarily startled by the color of her skin and staggered backward. "Tommy? What are you doing here?"

He waved a hand in the air, slowly and with little energy as he casually walked past her and over to the sink, "Long story, do you have any toothpaste?" He rifled around in her bathroom bag with sat on the corner of the sink until he found a tube of toothpaste. Jude watched in a state of shock as he squeezed some onto his finger and began rubbing in on his teeth, his tongue and the inside of cheeks before spitting into the sink and rinsing his mouth with water. He dried his face on a towel then turned to face her, casually leaning back against the sink and trying to look cool, even as his hand slipped on a pool of water on the bench and he slid backward, nearly hitting the mirror. "You know, you look a little green," he observed, raising his eyebrows and nodding his head slowly.

She shot him a withering glare before catching her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes widened as vanity took over and she pushed him aside and began splashing water on her face. 

"Personally, I liked it," Tommy said slowly as he staggered over to a small stool in the corner of the room and sank down onto it, "Green is the new… flesh tone?" he frowned.

"What are you doing here Tommy?" Jude asked as she quickly dried her face on a towel then hurled it at him angrily. 

He caught the towel in one hand while pointing to the toilet with the other, "Throwing up, didn't you hear?"

Letting out a sound between a shriek and a groan Jude spun around in a whirl of blonde hair and began to pound on the bathroom door, "Sadie! Tommy's in here! Sadie? He's NOT SUPPOSED TO BE! Open the damn door already!" She pounded her fist against the door then kicked it angrily.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Hotels charge for rock star tantrums. I should know." Tommy leaned back, miscalculating the nearness of the wall and his stool toppled to the floor with him close behind.

Ignoring him, Jude continued to knock, "Sadie? If you don't open this door right now I'll never talk to you again!" she waited for a response then pounded again, "I'll tell Mum and Dad what you and Steve really did to Dad's car!"

A voice that sounded a lot like Sadie's with a poorly attempted accent called through the door, "Your sister, who obviously loves you very much and only wants the best from you and whom you really shouldn't kill, she went out to get something!" 

Jude rolled her eyes, "So how about _you_ let me out?"

"Sorry, I'm just the maid. I'm not supposed to get involved with domestic issues."

Tommy, still splayed on the bathroom floor, having found it easier to stay there rather then get up, chuckled to himself, "Domestic issues. Ha. We're a domestic issue Jude."

Finally turning to face him Jude slowly slid down the door and onto the cold tiled floor, "No, you're pathetic and I don't have the energy for this." 

"Sitting?" Tommy asked innocently, only to be rewarded with another towel being hurled in his direction. The momentary good reflexes he'd been awarded with moments before had departed and the towel hit him square in the face. He let it sit there for a few seconds before lazily reaching up and pulling it away. When he did so he saw Jude seated on the other side of the room, knees drawn up to her chest arms wrapped around them and her face buried inside as he shoulder shook with silent sobs.

"Jude?" Tommy whispered.

"Go away," was the muffled response.

Never one to take direction well, Tommy pulled himself up onto his knees and crawled over to her. "Hey? What's the matter?" he whispered as he reached over and gently brushed a few stray strands of hair away from her face.

"I hate this," she murmured, sniffing loudly, "I hate that we're fighting. I hate that we can't talk. I hate that I'm locked in a bathroom with you and hating it." 

"That's a lot of hating," he sighed as he shifted his legs and sat down next to her; his back to the door. Tentatively he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her slightly closer to him, "Want to stop?"

She slowly lifted her head and gazed at him through tear filled eyes, "Yeah," she nodded her head slowly.

"Okay."

She blinked wearily, gazing at him silently as if trying to understand what had just happened and understand its real meaning. Blocking out her lost stare, he closed his eyes and leaned back against the door.

Jude sat there silently, enjoying the newfound peace. This close to Tommy she could smell his familiar scent – aftershave mixed with… shampoo? Either from a recent shower or the bottles she'd hurled at him earlier. She reached over and touched his hair lightly. He opened his eyes and glanced at her questioningly "You're not wearing any hair gel," she observed as she slowly ran her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes again savoring her soft touch. She smiled, "it feels nice."

Finally she brushed the half dried tears from her cheeks and lowered her head onto his shoulder, snuggling a little closer in the silence of the bathroom.

**Teasers for Chapter 33**

She rolled over so she was facing him, eyes still closed and continued to grope around blindly. She found Tommy's head, her fingers skimming over his hair and down his forehead.

"_Ow_! You really need to cut your fingernails," he complained.

"Uh-huh, I'll be sure to do that. Anything else you'd like me to change about myself to please you?" To say she wasn't a morning person would be a dire understatement…


	33. Chapter 33: Settling

_These latest chapters have been kind of challenging so sorry about the lateness of this update. I notice there have been slightly less reviews lately so I hope that doesn't mean you guys are giving up on me. Show some love and review if you still love Tentative Acceptance (Pretty please?)_

Someone asked how much longer the story is going to go. It's a little hard to say at this point as I haven't written the rest and don't know how many chapters it will end up as but we're pretty close. The story has a 9 month story arc and I think we're at about month 6 or 7 at the moment...

This chapter kind of feels like a filler to me. Hopefully the next will be more interesting. There's a new revelation about Tommy coming up soon.  


**Chapter 33: Settling**

Jude yawned, struggling with the blankets wrapped tightly around her in an attempt to bring her hand to her mouth. Bright sunlight was falling on her face and harassing her in its attempt to make her wake up. She opened one eye and peered around, trying to get her bearings. She was on the super sized bed in the Presidential suite. The sunlight came from the large sliding doors to the balcony on her left. The curtains had been left open the night before and now there was no protection. 

She opened the other eye and propped herself up on her elbows to look around her. Sadie was curled up on the right hand side of the bed, facing the bathroom, her hair was a mess and she was still wearing her clothes from the night before, other than one rug drawn up to her waist she was on top of the blankets. To Jude's left was Tommy. He was lying on his stomach, one hand underneath his pillow and the other hanging over the side of the bed.

Jude smiled as she slid backward in the bed until she was sitting with her back to the headboard. She yawned once again. The floor was littered with wadded up balls of paper, soda cans and the remains of the numerous snacks they'd ordered the previous night from room service. The television set was still playing some early morning cartoon on mute. 

Had there been some broken glass, stained carpet and the television resting at the bottom of the pool twenty stories below rather than playing "Spongebob Squarepants"; it would have looked as if a rock star party had most certainly been held the night before. It was far better though; Jude had spent the night with two of her favorite people.

Leaning over Sadie, Jude softly nudged her sister's shoulder.

"I don't wanna go to school," Sadie muttered in response, one hand thrown over her face, the other attempting to pull the rug up over her face.

Smiling, Jude leaned a little closer and began to tap her sister's forehead intently. Sadie's hand moved about in an attempt to block the irritation but whatever her hand left exposed, Jude attacked.

"Do you have any idea how annoying that is?" Sadie asked. The sentence came slowly, with long pauses as she swallowed and tried to regain control of her tongue.

"I do recall it being done to me on many summer vacations," Jude responded with a giggle. 

"Yeah, but you deserved it," Sadie smiled as she pulled the hand away from her face.

"Right," Jude rolled her eyes.

"Where's Tommy?" Sadie asked as she attempted to sit up.

Jude motioned behind her. Tommy hadn't moved since Jude woke up and was still lost in his deep, hung over sleep.

"How sweet," Sadie remarked with a smirk, "your very own pet boy bander."

"Who's not going to be too happy when he wakes up."

"He's got you hasn't he?" She slid her legs over the edge of the bed and slowly stood, "I'm going to go for an early morning swim. I'd invite you to come but you've got some baby-sitting to do."

Jude glanced at Tommy again and cringed, "What am I supposed to do with him?"

"I don't know; listen to those budding maternal instincts of yours." She quickly collected her bathing suit and a towel from the bathroom, ruffled her sister's hair then disappeared out the door with a sparkling smile and a mischievous glint in her eye.

Sighing, Jude slid down in the bed, once again snuggling under the covers. She could feel her eyelids drooping with the ever present exhaustion of her pregnancy and she was in no mood to awaken a grouchy Tommy. Despite the sun's intrusion and the hustle and bustle in the hallway as other guests began to move about, she once again fell asleep.

---

"Would you stop hogging the blankets?" Jude muttered as she tugged on them impatiently.

"Me? You're the one who stole all the sheets!" Tommy's response was muffled by the hand slung over his face in an attempt to block out the sun.

Jude was determined to remain in the happy dream state she'd been having. She didn't open her eye but blindly grasped for something to protect from the chill morning air. Somehow she'd ended up with the sheets tangled around her body while Tommy had a heap of blankets all scrunched up on top of him, forming some miniature Everest.

"It's cold," Jude whined.

"So take some of the blankets then," he was equally determined not to wake or even move, already his head was throbbing from last night's shots and whiskey.

"I can't find them," she rolled over so she was facing him, eyes still closed and continued to grope around blindly. She found Tommy's head, her fingers skimming over his hair and down his forehead. 

"_Ow_! You really need to cut your fingernails," he complained.

"Uh-huh, I'll be sure to do that. Anything else you'd like me to change about myself to please you?" To say she wasn't a morning person would be a dire understatement…

"Nope, you're absolutely perfect," his voice was distorted by a yawn so she couldn't detect sarcasm or anything else but quite frankly this early in the morning she didn't care. "Here," he opened his eyes briefly, grabbed the comforter and tossed it in her direction.

"Thank-you," she offered grudgingly.

---

Sadie returned from a long swim followed by early morning sunbathing some two hours after she left. She let herself into the suite quietly, anticipating her sister to still be asleep. A smile spread across her features as she took in the two huddled under the blankets in the bed. In her sleep Jude had snuggled up next to Tommy, one hand resting on his chest and her head level with his shoulder.

Determined to rid herself of the chlorine before her next good deed, Sadie tiptoed into the bathroom and started the shower.

---

Sadie left for G-Major before Midday. She offered Jude and Tommy a ride but they refused, opting instead to slowly make their way home, checking out the park, stopping for lunch then getting a taxi the rest of the way.

Jude seemed distracted as they started along a sleepy back street. Tommy never heard her phone but she was constantly taking it out of her pocket and glancing at the screen or quickly thumbing in a text message.

"Everything okay?" he asked casually, watching a bird land on a nearby tree branch rather then fixing his curious gaze on her.

She sighed softly, "Yeah, it's nothing," she slipped the cell into her pocket then shoved her hands deep into her pockets. "So, have you spoken to Darius?"

"No," he ran a hand through his hair and cringed, "Is he angry about yesterday?"

She glanced over at him, "He hasn't heard the song if that's what you mean. I asked Kwest to destroy it though I'm thinking he'll save it for some embarrassing future event…"

Her phone must have vibrated because she retrieved it from her pocket and glanced at the screen. Tommy glanced away awkwardly. "You want to swing?" He motioned to a nearby playground.

She smiled softly, "sure."

They were both silent as she slid onto the seat and wrapped her hands tightly around the chain for fear of falling and hurting the baby. Tommy leaned against a nearby climbing wall, watching as she kicked off and slowly got the swing in motion. The thought of pushing the swing for her flittered through his mind but something in him stood in the way. He turned around and instead watched as a three-year-old girl with pigtails squealed happily as she slid down a slide. His phone rang and Jude watched curiously as he answered.

"Yeah… no, I'm not sure if I'm coming in," he glanced back at Jude, "I'll see if Jude is up to it…well, if she's got the day off then what point is there in me coming in? Yeah… me, really? Okay… sure, I'll come soon."

Jude fixed a wide eyed innocent expression on her face as he turned to face her, slowly lowering the phone from his ear. "What was that?" she asked.

He sat down on the swing set next to her and slipped the phone into his pocket. Leaning back, he lifted his feet of the ground, letting the swing start to move of its own accord. "Darius. You've got the day off but he wants me to come in and meet with a new rock band he wants me to produce."

Her eyebrows rose, "Really? Wow, that's great!"

"Yeah," he tilted his head back and watched puffy clouds flitter across the blue sky, "I guess he's finally coming around."

Jude smiled knowingly, her face turned away so he wouldn't see, "He must be," she agreed.

---

Jude exhaled a big relieved sigh as she pushed open the front door to Tommy's apartment and gazed down the familiar hallway. She stepped inside and dropped her bags on the floor then closed the door behind her.

She and Tommy had had a quick lunch then he'd raced to G-Major, obviously more excited then he was letting on. The hangover seemed forgotten too.

Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and she rolled her eyes skyward. She let it drone on as she walked into the lounge at a leisurely pace and fell backwards onto the sofa, her feet hanging over the side.

Justin had started texting earlier that morning. He was trying to be subtle but he was miserably bad at it. He reminded her of the nagging sensation of school yard days and having some child poke you in the back every few minutes. 'Hey! Look at me!', 'don't forget me, don't relax, I'm not going anywhere,' '…Yup, still here.'

She flipped open her phone and brought up the message.

'Do you want to meet up and talk?'

She quickly thumbed in a response. 'No.'

---

Tommy was experiencing the unfamiliar sensation of nervousness as he met with the new rock band recently signed to G-Major. Their name was Naught Eighty-Six and their music was Alt rock that bordered on cliché; Darius favorite. The lead singers hair was super-gelled into five sharp spikes that where died a fluorescent purple. The other three members: two average looking guys and a very attractive brunette woman seemed to pale in contrast to his loud and opinionated manner. Tommy sensed a challenge and a challenge was one of his favorite things.

He gave the band a tour of the G-Major building in all its glory and all its lack. They ended up in Studio B and Tommy set about giving a basic run down of the equipment and how it worked. The drummer Steve and guitarist John maintained a polite level of interest though it was obvious this wasn't there first time in a studio. The lead singer, Aaron was blatantly disinterested and opted to spend the time playing around on his blackberry. The pretty brunette keyboardist, Ashley, smiled and batted her eyelashes and responded to everything Tommy said as if he were explaining the meaning of life itself. He sensed a familiar trap, one that until recently had been one of his favorite things.

He got the band in the recording booth and himself situated in the mixing room behind the glass panel, once again feeling at home and happy. He pressed the record button and motioned for the band to start recording. It was a casual session. He wanted to get a few of their original tracks on a disc that he could take home and study before they reconvened for a proper session. 

The band where winding down in the song's final verse when Tommy noticed a familiar face talking to Sadie in the G-Major lobby. Instantly his eyes darkened and his fingers gripped the soundboard tightly, his knuckles almost turning white. He kept his cool long enough to allow the band to finish, stop recording and speak through the intercom, "That was great guys, lets take five."

Before they could respond he had made his way out of the sound booth and into the Lobby. He crossed the room in the large strides and Sadie smiled welcomingly as he joined her and Justin, "Hey Tommy. How's the new band?"

"Fine," he responded in a clipped tone, "Justin, what are you doing here?"

Justin began to roll his eyes then stopped himself, "Look, I'm not trying to make trouble okay?"

Sadie frowned, "Do you guys know each other?" she asked, "Justin said he was looking for Jude, I saw them together here a few times a few months back and assumed… Tommy is everything okay?" She glanced at Justin coldly.

"Justin is Jude's…" Tommy scrambled for the right words, "her… the guy from the party," he finally spat out.

Sadie's eyes widened as the realization dawned and she spun to face Justin. "Get out," she said in a low and angry voice.

"That's it?" Justin spluttered, "He says a couple of words and now you hate me. Considered trying to hear my side of the story?"

"My sister's is enough and I trust Tommy's judgment," Sadie responded quickly as she moved toward Justin menacingly. Exactly what she planned to do Tommy wasn't sure but he found the idea of Sadie attacking Justin, who was considerably taller and bulkier then her, quite entertaining.

"It's okay Supergirl," he said soothingly, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I can take care of this, there's a courier waiting at your desk," he motioned behind her and after a momentary pause Sadie nodded slightly and left the two standing in the middle of the room.

"I just wanted to see Jude," Justin said quietly, "I texted her today then my phone died before I could get her last response so I decided to come in person."

"I told you to stay away from her."

"No, you told me not to hurt her and I have no intention of doing that." 

"You have no right-"

"It's my kid too," Justin interrupted, the words came out in a rushed and saddened tone as if he realized the argument was somehow floored.

"That's not relevant."

"Look is Jude here or not? If she wants me to leave then she can tell me herself and I'll go but as I've said before I really don't give a damn what you think."

Tommy's teeth where clenched together in an attempt to hold back the anger threatening to poor from his lips. He didn't want to draw attention to himself or Justin.

"She's not here," he finally managed to respond in a normal tone.

Justin nodded a curt farewell and left. It was some minutes before Tommy was able to calm himself down long enough to return to Nought Eight-Six. All he wanted to do was rush home and check on Jude. He hated the thought of Justin checking the apartment when he wasn't there but then Jude always used the peephole before answering the door and she wouldn't let Justin in if she couldn't handle it. Tommy couldn't afford to risk Darius' displeasure with the producing opportunity he'd been given. He only had another hour to go anyway.

---

"Jude?" Tommy called as he stepped into the apartment later that evening. Already the atmosphere had changed since he came home to find Jude missing the night before. The stereo was playing at just the right volume; loud enough to get in your blood and but no so loud that you couldn't hear yourself think (or annoy your neighbors), there was a homely aroma of dinner cooking and even the very hue of the apartment seemed warmer, as if the late afternoon sun's rays were red rather then the blue they'd been the previous night.

"Kitchen," she called back.

"Well, isn't this just something out a fifties family portrait?" he remarked as he slid his tote back of his shoulder and dropped it on the floor by the kitchen door.

Jude was wearing a retro floral apron, her hair pulled up in a messy bun with wispy strands falling out of it and there were smudges of flour on her cheeks. She shrugged, "I felt like cooking dinner."

He stifled a yawn as he sat down at the table, "Anything I can do to help?"

He cringed a few seconds later when she brought over a bowl of potatoes and handed him a peeler. 

"So… Justin called in at G-Major earlier today," he casually remarked as he slowly began to peel a potato. On the rare occasion when he'd tried the practice as a child he'd always managed to take off a layer of skin on the pad of his thumb and it had created a fear of potatoes or more accurately – peeling them. He watched Jude's reaction as she froze with her back to him.

"That's strange…" it seemed as if she were going to say something more but she paused indecisively, "hadn't heard from him in a while…" she said the last bit quietly and quickly, as if mumbling would make up for the fact that it was a lie.

"In this case 'a while' being a couple of hours?"

She exhaled slowly as she turned to face him. "Been keeping tabs on me, Quincy?"

He shook his head softly, not in answer to his question but to communicate his statement: "You don't need to keep secrets from me."

She fished in the pocket of her jeans and pulled out her cell phone, "I know. I just know how you get about him," she handed him the phone; "it's nothing really. He just wanted to know if I'd made a decision or if I wanted to talk. You can read them if you like…"

His eyes met hers briefly as he accepted the phone and quickly scrolled through the messages. She was right; they weren't particularly bad – a little pressuring perhaps but not abusive or threatening. And yet he felt his blood boiling as the chore of peeling potatoes became the fantasy of skinning Justin.

**Teasers for Chapter 34: Threatened**

_"I want to be a part of the kid's life, I want to be a part of your life," Justin said gently, his voice taking on a pleading tone. _

"And I'm saying I can't do that. I've tried but I can't."

"Why not, Jude? Is this because of Tommy? I'm not rich enough? I'm not old_ enough? Well, forget it. I'm not bowing out."_

"You don't have a choice!" she sputtered.

"No, you_ don't."_


	34. Chapter 34: Threats

_I would like to dedicate this chapter to the loving memory of my cat Roger (Yeah, you can laugh. I didn't name him) and his tireless assistance as I wrote it (not including the times he tried to 'hatch' the laptop by sitting on it in an attempt to get me to pet him). :-p_

  
**Chapter 34: Threats**

Jude lay awake in bed, contemplating the week's events and debating herself regarding Justin. Had the decision been Tommy's she knew what the answer would be: cut him out of her life entirely but it wasn't that simple.

She climbed out of bed and sat down by her desk where she could gaze out the window to the street below. It was around midnight and there was still some activity on the street below; mostly teenagers skulking about and violating curfews, the occasional drunk staggering home and one or two shady and questionable characters.

She gazed heavenward. The lights of the city caused the sky to glow eerily and there was a dense layer of clouds obscuring the sky. They appeared almost to be boiling angrily, all rounded edges and golden grey. When Jude though of heaven on earth (if hers weren't blocked by cloudy complications and heated emotions) it was be a world where Justin wasn't a problem, where it could just be her and the baby… and Tommy.

But that heaven wasn't just hidden by the clouds, it was locked away behind them, the key not in apparent existence.

In the dim light seeping in from outside she turned and felt around on her desktop until finding her cell phone. She flipped it open and the screen glowed with a soft purple light that made her fingers glow eerily as she thumbed in a quick message.

'I want to meet - tomorrow.'

---

Jude paced nervously at the entrance to the botanical gardens. She had an hour long lunch break before Tommy was expecting her back at the studio. He'd been distracted with his new artists and hadn't noticed her own distraction or nervousness, something unusual for him.

"Jude!" she glanced up to see Justin getting out of a taxi and running over to her.

"What happened to your car?" she asked, shading her eyes from the sun with one hand as she willed her heart to stop thumping around inside her chest nervously.

"I sold it." 

She sensed a story behind this but didn't bother asking. Instead she nodded casually and motioned for him to follow as she walked through the arched entrance to the gardens.

"So, how have you been?" he asked after a few moments awkward silence, "Is everything okay with the baby?"

Jude absentmindedly ran her hand over her stomach and shrugged, "Swollen ankles, back pain, dizziness, painfully acute sense of smell but hey, at least there isn't anymore morning sickness."

"Sounds…" he trailed off, not feeling comfortable enough for sarcasm or irony. 

"I've decided what I want," she said softly as the strolled along a concrete path past numerous beautiful flowers that filled the air with heady scents, "and I don't think you're going to like it."

She noticed his expression darken briefly before it was forced to an emotionless blank. "Oh."

"I'm not comfortable around you. I'm not comfortable with my kid being around you-"

"_Our_ kid," he interrupted.

"I need this, Justin. I need for this to not be complicated. I'm barely coping as it is."

He stopped walking, throwing his hands upward as he glared at her, "What about me? What about what I need or want?"

"Our _relationship_ has never exactly been based on sensitivity toward the other's desires. Why start now?" She sighed and closed her eyes, angry at her self and silently counting to ten. She couldn't make this personal, she couldn't make him angry.

"I want to be a part of the kid's life, I want to be a part of your life," Justin said gently, his voice taking on a pleading tone.

"And I'm saying I can't do that. I've tried but I can't."

He gazed at her silently for a few seconds before taking a few steps backward, "No," he said grimly, shaking his head as he continued to gaze at her.

"No?" she asked incredulously.

"Why not, Jude? Is this because of Tommy? I'm not rich enough? I'm not _old_ enough? Well, forget it. I'm not bowing out."

"You don't have a choice!" she sputtered.

"No, _you_ don't."

She folded her arms over her chest, a sinking feeling in her stomach, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"This elaborate story you've concocted, all the lies you've told your family, your friends, your boss, your _fans_. What if the truth where to come out and you and Saint Tommy where exposed?"

"You wouldn't…" she breathed.

"Watch me," he spat as he turned and began to stride away.

"Two can play that game you know," she called after him, feeling as if she were watching her entire world crumble around her, "You say what I did, I'll say what you did."

His silence implied he wasn't fazed and perhaps didn't even care.

---

Jude paused at the door to the studio, gazing through the glass paneling at Tommy. He was seated at the sound booth, headphones dwarfing his head as he nodded his head in time to the song he was listening to. Occasionally he'd scribble a few notes in his ever present notebook.

Taking a fortifying breath Jude tapped on the door lightly, knowing he most likely wouldn't hear anyway, and then stepped inside. He glanced up briefly before reaching over and pausing the music.

"Hey!" he grinned. He'd been in a better mood the last twenty-four hours, brimming with the excitement and potential of a new artist, "ready to get back to it?"

"Sure," she dropped her bag on the floor by the door, nudging it with her foot to push it under the table then running a hand through her hair, "I just, um," she cringed inwardly, "I need to go to the bathroom and talk to Sadie about something. Five minutes okay?"

He nodded, "Talking to Sadie, right. I'll see you in half an hour."

She'd already turned to the door but at his statement she turned her head to stick her tongue out at him, "Ha ha." She slid her fingers over the doorknob, stroking the cool metal before wrapping her hand around it and turning. She was half way out the door when Tommy's voice interrupted her.

"Jude, is everything okay?"

She turned in the doorway, casually leaning one arm against the frame. She shrugged, forcing a half smile, "We'll talk later, k?" She forced the smile to grow to a full bloom, waved her fingers lightly then closed the door behind her.

"Idiot," she murmured to herself as she leaned back against the door.

She'd intended to tell him what happened but she couldn't bear to burst his euphoric bubble of happiness. Justin was her problem. Maybe she could fix it; maybe she didn't have to include Tommy right now, at least not in the middle of the day at work. She could wait. It could wait…

---

"I think you should tell him," Sadie remarked as she leaned back in her swivel chair and ignored the phone ringing next to her.

"Sades, you're the receptionist, aren't you supposed to… recept the call or whatever?"

Sadie frowned in amusement, "I don't think that's even a word and don't change the subject."

"Argh," she pushed away from the wall she'd been leaning on as she gazed at the roof above her. "He just… he hates Justin, I'm scared of what he'll do."

"You're in this together aren't you? You're a team, you can't just cut him out of this now."

"I hate doing this to him…" Jude whispered as she sat down on a nearby chair and rested her forehead against the palm of her hand. 

Sadie slid her chair forward and placed a comforting hand on Jude's knee, "That's the thing – you're not. He chose this Jude. He wants this."

---

After much pacing and snacking on junk food from the staff room confectionary dispenser Jude had almost managed to convince herself she had the courage to tell Tommy of that morning's developments. That being said she still walked across the foyer at a snail's pace, striking up random conversations with various people she passed before finally reaching the studio.

She paused at the window, frowning as she peered inside. Tommy was talking to a dark haired girl she'd never seen before. She was gorgeous, smiling, and so obviously throwing herself at his feet. Tommy was gracious, smiling and enjoying the attention as he explained the soundboard and its various controls. He demonstrated the microphone and the girl laughed as his voice echoed throughout the room. She tentatively changed a dial at his urging then nodded her head as the music playing changed

Jude turned away, unsure of the feeling swirling around in her stomach. She hadn't eaten anything off, not counting the copious amounts of sugar, salt and fat she'd consumed in the staff room. It wasn't the baby kicking and she was pretty sure it wasn't related to her pregnancy; the feeling sat in an entirely different part of her stomach, if it was even there at all. It resided in her lower chest, occasionally creeping up into her lungs and even occasionally wrapping its bony hands around her throat restrictively.

She knocked on the door, this time pausing to allow him to answer before walking inside. She practiced her blank expression as she stepped inside then smiled welcomingly to the new girl.

"Jude, this is Ashley," Tommy motioned from Ashley to Jude then back. "Ashley is the keyboardist in Naught Eighty-Six, my new band. Jude is my girlfriend and favorite artist."

"Only artist, actually," Jude remarked with an eye roll, "until you guys anyway." Tommy's referring to her as his girlfriend had thrown her off, even though it made perfect sense and was something they'd been saying – without using the actual words – for months now. She wasn't enjoying the looks Ashley was shooting her way when Tommy wasn't looking and she didn't like the way she placed a hand on Tommy's shoulder as she said good-bye, or the way she let it trail down his arm as she walked away.

"She seems… nice," she remarked as she flopped down onto a nearby seat.

"She's great. She's so open to everything. It's always refreshing to see that in an artist."

"Open to things," she echoed, nodding her head and tossing her eyes skyward as he played with a few knobs on the soundboard, "great."

He glanced over at her, his eyes dancing across her features searchingly. She felt defensive as she gazed back defiantly, tilting her shoulders casually. "What?"

He smiled knowingly and shook his head softly, "Nothing. Now get in the booth. We need some backing vocals for your song."

---

Jude was caught up in her lyrics. Her eyes were closed and as far as she was concerned she was the only person in the entire building. Tommy took the opportunity to blatantly stare at her.

She'd stopped dying her hair and there was a little dark re-growth showing at the roots, blending in with darker highlights she'd had put in before she got pregnant. She had one tiny braid in the left hand side just before her ear and as he watched she slid it behind her ear. A moment later it fell free – defiant like every other part of Jude and danced around as she moved her head to the music. 

Her shoulders were set defiantly but there was something defensive about her posture. She had her arms crossed over her stomach in a posture that was unusual for her. Normally she'd be throwing them about, holding on to the microphone or patting them against her legs.

As the song began to slow and die down she sat back on her stool and let her head fall forward, her forehead almost touching the top of the microphone. Her hair fell forward, shading her face until all Tommy could see was the microphone and sheet of glowing hair. He sat back in his chair, chewing on the inside of his lip as he frowned. Something was up and he was willing to bet it was about Justin.

He left the mixing booth before the last notes of the song had died down and went around to the recording area. He stepped inside and walked over to Jude silently. She still had her head forward, eyes most likely closed beneath the barrier of hair as she allowed her self to remain lost in the song.

He grabbed a stool and sat down next to her. The song ended and he heard her sigh. He reached over and gently placed a hand on her knee. She jumped from the sudden contact, not having noticed him come into the room. Instantly he reached up and parted her hair, holding it back from her face so he could look at her. 

"What's wrong?"

She smiled in embarrassment, "sad song," she shrugged.

"You sure?"

"Am I sure the song is sad?" she laughed, a forced laugh, "Her boyfriend dies in a house fire. Yup, I think it might just be a tearjerker."

He shook his head intently, "that's not what I meant."

She pulled away from him, and her hair fell free of his hand, falling to its natural resting spot beside her face as fiddled with a loose strand of thread on her shirt. "Do we need to record it again?"

He shook his head, "I think that mix is fine."

She nodded and realizing he wasn't getting anywhere he stood up. "Do you think we could go out for dinner tonight?" She asked suddenly, "somewhere quiet?"

He nodded, "Sure."

---

She wasn't very good company and she was painfully aware. She glanced around the dark interior of the restaurant and deliberated the course the conversation should take. She still wondered if she could solve the problem herself, even wondered at how wise it was to involve Tommy.

"Was Justin bugging you again today?" Tommy asked as he stabbed at the slice of steak on his plate.

"He didn't text me again," she responded. It was the truth but she hated the guilt of a lie by omission.

"You should just ignore him."

"It's not that simple," she responded, feeling frustration building inside her.

He glanced up, his eyes flashing with anger, "He doesn't have the power you're giving him Jude."

"He could tell everyone the truth."

He shook his head, "And what if he does. I'm not worried about my reputation or my career, Jude. We haven't done anything wrong. We haven't committed a crime."

"When is a lie ever a good thing?"

He ignored her question, "What's to say they'll even believe him? Some tabloid wrote you were having an alien's baby the other day. Another insisted Marilyn Manson was the true father."

"There's a slight likelihood difference between alien spawn and a drunken High school party," she remarked dryly. 

Perhaps they both sensed they were walking on thin ice that the conversation could easily break through to a heated argument and hurtful words. Each was so concerned about the other's feelings that they didn't dare continue so another half hour passed in almost complete silence.

The atmosphere in the darkened restaurant was oppressive as Jude sat glowering at the plate of food in front of her. She checked her cell phone a few times which in retrospect probably wasn't the best of ideas. It was nothing to do with Justin or expecting text messages, just a nervous action to fill the emptiness.

"You're letting him get to you," Tommy observed.

She shook her head as she stabbed at her slice of steak angrily, "This has nothing to do with that."

"He's treated you badly but you keep allowing it, Jude!"

"Please don't-" she started softly.

He dropped his knife and fork and they clattered against the plate angrily, causing her to glance up at the sudden commotion. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest as he studied her. "My father used to treat my mother like dirt," He said calmly. It was almost as if he were discussing the weather or a game on television, not an aspect of his life he'd never once mentioned. "From the moment I could talk I was telling her to leave him. I was just joining the clamor of families and friends telling her the _exact_ same thing." He glanced away from her, his eyes drifting around the room, over the dark red wallpaper and the paintings adorning the walls as he continued, "She didn't." He shrugged indifferently. "She stayed and it only got worse. He started to beat her and then he started to beat me."

Tears were welling in Jude's eyes as she stared at him in astonishment.

He sculled half of his glass of beer before continuing. "As soon as I was old enough; I left and _never_ went back. She stayed and nothing has changed." He shook his head. "So _don't_ just sit back and let him walk all over you Jude. If you're going to do anything, do me that _one_ favor."

He slid his chair back abruptly and there was a loud screeching sound of wood on wood. He stood to his feet and skulled the last half of his glass before walking out of the room. 

_**Teasers for Chapter 35: Threats**___

"Don't!" His voice was angrier then she'd ever heard from him. She could hear it shaking from either emotion or barely suppressed anger. He glanced at her, noticing her shocked expression and obviously regretting the severity of his tone. Softening his voice slightly he shook his head and whispered, "Just don't."

She glanced down at the floor, exhaling and feeling the air seep out of her, her shoulders sagged and she felt as if she were deflating like a forgotten child's balloon. "I want us to be okay, Tommy," she said softly.


	35. Chapter 35: Finite

_First off: Thanks to everyone who's been commenting on the story and sticking with me. You have no idea how much I appreciate your feedback. _

Sorry this chapter took awhile. As you'll see it's pretty intense and I've been sick.

It's 12 pages long which is one of our longest chapters yet so hopefully that will make up for the wait a little. Please comments. Substantial comments are really appreciated. 

**Chapter 35: Finite**

Jude slowly opened the apartment door and stepped inside. She slowly closed the door, pausing and slowing down even more as the door latched, so intent to be silent. Exhaling she turned and leaned against the door. She lifted her gaze to see Tommy step into the hallway from the lounge, either headed for the bathroom or his room. He saw her and froze mid step. Awkward.

She gazed at him silently and he returned her unwavering look.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He shook his head, "I should apologize. I-"

"You're still mad at me," she blurted it out, interrupting him mid excuse.

He froze, obviously not expecting that response. He raised a hand to his head then paused. He glanced from her to his room, obviously desiring to be in that space, behind the closed door and away from her.

"I don't blame you, really," she continued with a slight shrug, still pressed up against the door. "You've done so much for me and along the way I've taken you for granted. I've been so wrapped up in my own problems I never thought of you and yours. I'm sorry."

He looked away from her but he wasn't looking at anything in her place, merely avoiding looking directly at her.

"I'm sorry about your Da-"

"Don't!" His voice was angrier then she'd ever heard from him. She could hear it shaking from either emotion or barely suppressed anger. He glanced at her, noticing her shocked expression and obviously regretting the severity of his tone. Softening his voice slightly he shook his head and whispered, "Just don't."

She glanced down at the floor, exhaling and feeling the air seep out of her, her shoulders sagged and she felt as if she were deflating like a forgotten child's balloon. "I want us to be okay, Tommy," she said softly.

"Well it's not that simple," his tone was patronizing.

"Why?" she felt like a child, pleading near tears to get her way.

"Because you don't want me!" he flinched as soon as the words were out, so obviously uncomfortable with the situation and his own admission. 

"What?" she gazed at him incredulously, her head automatically shaking her denial before her brain had even sent the message, "I never said that. You never… you never said that you wanted-"

"Ugh, I'm not doing this," he muttered as he turned away.

"Who says you get to make that call? Why are you always blocking me out? I let you in, Tommy but you don't ever do that with me. You never told me about your Dad-"

"It was none of your business," he retorted as he spun back around. 

"But you want me?" she finished softly, leaving the meaning hanging in the air for him to figure out and grasp or toss aside. She hated speaking the words, wondering if she'd misinterpreted or overstepped her bounds. Just because he wanted her to want him didn't mean he wanted her…

'_I want you to want me, I need you need me, I'd love you to love me_', she couldn't help the lyrics flittering through her mind.

"Do you really, because there's so much with you that I just… don't know."

---

Jude continued to silently eat her cereal when Tommy entered the kitchen the next morning. She held her spoon above her plate and pretended to watch as the glaringly bright milk dripped from her spoon and fell back into the bowl, her eyes really on Tommy. She felt like an antelope nervously tiptoeing around a sleeping lion.

He put some bread in the toaster and turned on the electric kettle then paused, facing away from her still as he watched through the window as a plane flew over the distant horizon.

"Look, about last night," he said in a casual every day tone, still facing away from her, "How about we just forget about it? I'll stop. You stop. It never happened."

Jude threw her eyes skyward and shrugged, dipping her spoon back into the bowl, "toss it under the rug you mean?" she asked before bringing a spoonful of cereal to her mouth.

"Exactly."

---

Jude pulled the bill of her baseball cap down to cover her eyes as Tommy stared the viper out through the sea of paparazzi surrounding the parking garage exit.

"Leeches," she muttered to herself as she slumped down in her seat, her head forward and her eyes on her knees.

She could feel herself dancing on the edge of a bad mood. It seemed as if everything was working against her; Tommy and she were in a bad place, she felt trapped by the paparazzi and media and there just didn't seem to be a safe place in her life where she could take a moment to breathe and recollect herself. It was coming at her from every direction.

"They'll get bored with it eventually," Tommy remarked as he changed gear, "next time some pop princess shaves her head and falls off her motorcycle, preferably not at the same time..."

Jude smiled as she turned in her seat, lifting her chin so she could peer at Tommy from beneath her cap, "Tommy?" she asked, before a meaningful pause.

"Yeah?" He asked nervously.

"Ever fallen off your motorbike?"

He paused for a moment, pretending to think seriously, "Just that one time in DC but I was really drunk."

Jude feigned shock, her mouth falling open to form a large 'O'. "You are so the male Paris Hilton!" she joked.

"Okay, now _that's_ the most insulting thing you've ever said to me!" he remarked with a glare as he turned into G-Major's street.

"You're keeping a list?"

"Baby," he began in his best Elvis voice, "I've got lists about you coming out of my ears," he pulled into the parking lot and killed the engine then turned to her and began to tick them off on his fingers, "things not to do or say before 10am, music not to play around you – unless the intention is in fact to piss you off," Jude's eyebrows rose in amusement, "the warning signs of hormonal mood swings, lists of-"

"Okay!" she reached over and closed her hand around his, stopping him counting off his lists, "I get the picture."

She opened her car door and climbed out and he followed suit. She tossed a smile over her shoulder at him as she walked over to the G-Major entrance. The sweeping under the rug thing seemed to be working fine but it still left her with a bitter taste in her mouth, like she'd swallowed something really bad but it hadn't gone all the way down – it was just sitting in the back of her throat, blocking it and just waiting to bounce back up.

---

Jude avoided greeting Sadie as she did most mornings. Her sister's opinions regarding Tommy and what should, or in this case, shouldn't be kept from him wasn't something she felt like facing at this point. The events of yesterday seemed hazy and unreal – everything felt unreal. She wanted to go to the studio and bury herself in the final songs of her album, to momentarily detach herself from the latest dramas of her life.

The recording session was all business and Jude felt a painful pang of déjà vu to her old relationship with Tommy – pre baby. It was all "sing it this way," "let's do that again," "no that lyric isn't working," and "project, Jude, project!" none of the playful bantering or mild flirtations of recent months and to be quite honest… she missed it.

"What's up with Little Tommy Q?" Kwest asked through the intercom when Tommy left the room to get coffee.

Jude had been taking off her headphones but at his words she paused. Shrugging, she remarked, "personal drama."

Kwest nodded, "Tommy always gets what he wants. You're messing with his head."

She shook her head, "I don't think he knows what he wants."

"Normally I'd agree with you but now… I'm not so sure."

---

Jude was listening to the playback of her latest song, one leg tucked underneath her and the other slowly spinning her swivel chair. Tommy was doing his 'Lord Squinty Frown' as he frowned into the empty recording booth. Watching him Jude got the terrible feeling he was making one of his lists, only this one was listing every single thing that was wrong with the song.

She was interrupted in her spinning when Darius marched into the room – not knocking as was his usual fashion. He marched over to the soundboard and dropped a pile of tabloids between Jude and Tommy.

"Do I even want to ask?" Tommy asked with a trace of irritation in his voice.

"Bad publicity," Darius punctuated each word with an emphasizing poke at the magazines, "Everything in the tabloids with you two lately is avoiding the paparazzi, being sighted at gardens with strange boys," he eyed Jude, "and arguments and/or storming out of restaurants," for that he glared at Tommy. "Its bad publicity and it's the last thing G-Major needs from the two of you right now. I want you out of the building and projecting a positive image of your relationship. Now!" He barked.

"Wait. What?" Tommy had one hand on the back of his chair and the other raised questioningly.

"Go have a picnic, stroll through a field of daisies while holding hands, kiss on a street corner – whatever kids are doing these days and do it now!" Not allowing further conversation he turned and left the room.

Jude had been silent throughout the visit and now sat with her hands folded in her lap and her eyes downcast.

"Perfect," Tommy muttered as he swung around to face the soundboard once again. 

"Sorry," she wasn't sure why she was apologizing but it somehow felt necessary in the situation.

He sighed, "It's not your fault." He thought for a moment, "Let's see… Picnic at the docks, do you think that'll do?"

"Sounds fine." But she had the dreadful feeling… not fun.

---

"Okay, the blue cheese tastes like puke," Jude remarked as she pushed the offending blue vein cheese away.

They'd purchased an anti Pasto picnic basket and blanket and were now sitting at the end of a jetty enjoying their meal – or hopefully looking that way to any observer with a camera and profit in mind.

"You have such an uncultivated palette," Tommy remarked, taking a particularly large bite of his own blue vein coated cracker.

"Right and Mr. I don't know the difference between an oven and a cooling drawer is such a cuisine professional." She eyed him disbelievingly, not breaking her gaze.

After returning the stare for a good ten seconds he cringed and eyed the remainder of his cracker, "Okay, you're right. It tastes like puke." He tossed the cracker over the side of the dock and it didn't even hit the water before a seagull swept in and caught it in the air.

"Now you've done it," Jude remarked, "Five minutes tops and we'll be like those victims in I The Birds /I ."

"So birds rank up there with sheep huh?" He remarked playfully.

Her eyebrows rose as she glanced over him. After the moody Tommy of the last couple of hours and in many ways – the last week, she was surprised to see the return of her old friend and sparring partner. 

"Not quite," she remarked with a shrug, "but they have potential. What with those beady eyes and sharp beaks." She shuddered.

"You really need to spend some time on a farm, you know? Animals are our friends." He spoke as if talking to a child and for that she picked up the remainder of the block of blue vein cheese and hurled it at his head.

He shielded himself with his arms and the cheese bounced off his elbow harmlessly. His arms fell to his side and he glared at her as if she'd just shaved his head or waxed his eyebrows. She shrugged innocently.

Meanwhile the cheese rolled to the end of the dock and tumbled over into the blue ocean below. Jude leaned over the side and watched as it sunk into the darkness of the water. It was surprisingly peaceful out here. The highway was just a distant hum and the area was virtually uninhabited – a fact that most likely wouldn't please Darius. She could almost hear herself think but that didn't mean she wanted to.

"Tommy?" she asked, "if the truth did come out about us… should I move out?"

He'd been spreading cream cheese on a cracker but at her words it snapped in two, spraying crumbs everywhere, "What is it with you and this whole truth scenario lately? You're paranoid."

"I just want a contingency plan. I mean, things could get pretty crazy."

"It's not going to happen."

"Justin says he's going to the press," she blurted the words out before she could second guess her actions or let her nerves overpower her.

The remainder of his cracker was crushed to dust as his fingers curled into a tight fist. "What?"

"I spoke with him yesterday, I told him I wanted him out of my life and he threatened to go the press and tell them the truth about us." She shrugged helplessly.

He rose to his feet in a blur of denim and leather, "That wretched little punk," he swore loudly and Jude jumped at the unfamiliar words rolling off his tongue with such anger. He shook his head, "I warned him." He scooped up the picnic blanket, causing the contents to spill together and fall haphazardly to the ground.

"What are you going to do?" Jude asked as she narrowly avoided catching a plastic cup before it rolled into the water.

"Stop him from every hurting you again."

Her eyes widened at the various paths her imagination took from those words. "I don't want you to!"

In a matter of seconds he was up at the dock and at the hummer. He threw the blanket into the backseat of the hummer and opened the driver's door, "Come on!"

She shook her head, the cup still gripped in her hand tightly, "No, I'm not going anywhere."

"Damn it Jude, I'm not leaving you here."

"Exactly," she lifted her chin defiantly; "I don't want you doing anything stupid, Tommy, please don't."

Images of Tommy and Justin, blood and the flashing blue and red of police lights were flashing in front of her eyes every time she blinked. Looking in Tommy's eyes she could see those same visions reflecting back at her. It was all her fault and she couldn't let it happen. 

"Get in the car!"

"No!" Her voice breaking as she screamed the shrill notes. She hurled the cup at him. It bounced of his chest and clattered to the concrete ground.

"I'll throw you over my shoulder and carry you if I need to." He threatened though clenched teeth though she somehow doubted he'd carry through.

"Oh yeah," she laughed bitterly, "the press would have a field day with that, Darius would _love_ it."

"Get in the car," his voice had softened as he pleaded with her.

"No!"

"Okay, okay!" he threw his hands into the air in surrender, "fine, you're right. I should calm down first. Okay, fine. We'll go back to G-Major and finish that song then decide the next course of action. Happy?"

She eyed him skeptically, "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not. Get in the car and we'll go to G-Major. I promise. Ten minutes from now and you'll be in the booth about to start recording a new song. Okay?"

She watched him for a few more moments before nodded slowly, "Okay."

He held the door open for her and she climbed into the hummer. Her heart was beating at a crazy speed; she could feel it pounding throughout her entire body as she leaned her head back against the seat and took a few calming breathes.

---

There was an invisible thunder cloud over Tommy's head as he stalked across the parking lot ahead of Jude and waited impatiently at the back alley entrance to G-Major. She watched him stalk backwards and forwards as she approached at a leisurely pace. He couldn't stay still; the anger was still raging through his blood. She could see it in the way his fingers repeatedly curled into fists before releasing, straightening and then curling again. He kicked at the brick wall and she winced.

"Take a chill pill, Quincy," she remarked as casually as she could manage as she walked passed and opened the door.

He wanted to throw back some attitude ridden remark, she could see it but somehow he managed to swallow it as he caught the door behind her and stepped into the warm chaos that was G-Major. 

"I'll get the new backing track from my office and meet you in Studio B," he said quickly before disappearing up the hall ahead of her, making an all too hasty and obvious exit.

Jude paused, slowly shifting her weight from one foot to the other as he ankles screamed their protests. Everything ached lately and she was completely over it. The door to Tommy's office slammed shut and she peered around the corner to watch for his exit. Eventually she felt stupid standing in the hallway and went to Studio B as instructed. 

She wasn't born yesterday – though far too recently for the many critics of her pregnancy - Tommy was up to something. If it weren't for the fact that his office was located in the center of the building and had no external windows she would have been waiting outside the door like a guard dog. But the studio was so much more comfortable and she could still watch his office from there. Yes, it was so much more preferable.

She frowned when she noticed Darius approaching. His expression wasn't grim, exactly but it was determined. He bypassed the interns who all froze in place, clipboards pressed to their chests as they watched him pass with wide eyes. He ignored the goofy salute Spied threw him as he passed and then stepped into Studio B.

"Hey… D," Jude smiled. 

"Back so soon?" He asked disapprovingly.

"We wined, we dined – well, not literally wined since you know, I'm underage and pregnant and all but we…" she paused, straightening to her full height in an attempt to find some courage and confidence to withstand the attack Darius' expression was waging on her, "…ate," she nodded, "You know," she raised a finger, "I think we might have even smiled," she tilted her head as she thought back, "once or twice. It was grand. You should have been there."

"I'm sure I'll see the pictures in the tabloids soon, _right_?" 

She smiled uncertainly, "Right."

"And just to make sure I've booked an interview and cover shoot for you and Tommy with People magazine," he strode past her to examine the settings on the sound board and flip through a few discs sitting on the table.

Jude turned around to face him, her back to the window, "Seriously?" She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or panicked. She chose to stick with surprised.

"They wanted an at home shoot originally but I decided not to market the fact that you guys were living together. Then we considered a shoot at the studio but I didn't want to remind people of the negative side affects of your working so closely together. They're currently designing a new theme. You'll know by the end of the week." He strode past her again, taking with him the latest recording of her new song.

It was only the sound of the door closing behind that reminded Jude of her current mission. She spun around and raced to the window. Tommy's office door was open and she could see through the door that it was empty.

"Spied, have you seen Tommy?" She asked as she raced out of the studio.

He glanced up from his sofa, guitar in hands. "Sure, he just left. He said something about taking a chill pill. I dunno," he shrugged and returned to plucking at the guitar strings as Jude leaned back against the Studio door and closed her eyes, exhaling a pent up breath and inwardly kicking herself.

---

Tommy barely registered that the light was red in time to slam on his breaks and come to a very sudden stop. He winced as a truck roared directly across his path he would have taken and attempted to distract himself from his near death experience by turning the car fan up, directing the cooling air at his face. Impatiently he drummed his fingers against the staring wheel, one elbow resting on the doorframe as massaged his temples with the fingers of the other hand. He was itching to get out the car, to pace or punch something. A drink would be nice right now, real nice.

It scared him; the way his thoughts where spinning out. It was as if they'd been a small halo of images, emotions and desires all circling around his head but now the halo was growing to resemble the rings that circled some planetary systems. The ring of thoughts was multiplying and outgrowing him - it stretched before him and foreshadowed his every step. At what point would he no longer control his thoughts and actions but they control him?

He snapped to attention, noticing a figure exiting a corner café on the opposite side of the street and intersection. His shoulders were slumped and he was carrying a stamped envelope in one hand. He glanced up briefly, glancing around with no particular interest as he strolled over to the street corner and paused in front of a post box.

Justin.

Tommy impatiently glanced up at the lights, muttering under his breath and admonishing their delay. Finally the angry red changed to a cooling green but not Tommy's temper. He gunned the hummer across the intersection then quickly pulled over to the side of the street. He was directly opposite Justin but hadn't been noticed yet. He opened his door then jumped as a car horn honked angrily as it narrowly avoided taking his door with it.

It was a chaotic stretch of road, right on rush hour and due to some road works half a block back nothing was flowing especially well, the motorists were frazzled and impatient and had no time for anyone else.

As soon as it was clear long enough for Tommy to get out of the car, he stepped out and locked it behind him. He had to press up tight against the door as the road was narrow and the cars where passing a few inches away. He inched along the length of the car before sliding in behind it. 

"Hey!" He yelled across the street to Justin. He didn't hear; at that moment a truck waiting at the intersection honked its horn angrily at a car in front of it which had failed to notice the changing of the lights. "Damn it," Tommy muttered. He clenched his fingers into fists then unclenched them, pacing in the miniscule space between the back of his car and the car behind it.

He watched across the steady stream of cars as Justin stood motionless by the post box, still holding the envelope in two hands as he stared at it. He glanced skyward, closed his eyes momentarily then reached forward, almost in slow motion and slid it through the slot. When it was done he breathed what appeared to be a sigh of relief and leaned a hand against the box as if to steady himself. Appearing as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders he ran a hand through his hair and began to walk to the street corner. He was crossing to Tommy's side of the street but still hadn't noticed his presence. 

He glanced to his right and was turning to look left as he stepped off the curb. There was the deafening scream of a truck horn, a screech of breaks and a deafening thud as the same truck that had previously been impatiently stuck at the lights crashed into him at full force. His body flew a few feet through the air and crashed against a parked car on the side of the road, cracking the windscreen where it then lay motionless.

**Teasers for Chapter 36: Finite**

_Jude whirled around to see a very ashen Tommy entering the lobby through a back door. He glanced over at her briefly, not long enough to make eye contact then quickly walked to his office._

"He's so dead," Jude remarked as she marched across the room.

Spied glanced over at Sadie, "Dude, do you think we should, like, intervene or something? I'm worried about Squinty Frown."


	36. Chapter 36: Communication

_New chapter. I'd love to know your thoughts on the developments with Justin and how you're feeling regarding him._

We're now entering the last major drama I have planned for the story and then... who knows; perhaps a happy ending?

Comments are like hugs and I like hugs 

**Chapter 36: Communication**

The oncoming traffic was no longer a problem as Tommy ducked and weaved his way across the road. He was faintly aware of a police officer running into the center of the road and halting traffic though his focus was on the crowd of people gathering around Justin's body. He pushed through the crowd then froze, watching as a middle aged man checked Justin's pulse.

The man held Justin's limp hand in his, his fingers pressed to the inside of his wrist and paused for a second. The air was deathly quiet. Finally he released the hand and it fell lifelessly to the ground. He looked up at the crowd of bystanders and shook his head. "He's dead," he said softly. 

Tommy stared in shock as the crowd began to disperse; no longer interested in the excitement of the situation and all wishing to distance themselves from it now it was simply a tragedy. He put a hand to his forehead and exhaled slowly, his mind floating to Jude as he conjured up an image of her searching the G-Major corridors for him.

Was this good? He couldn't feel relief or if he did it was instantly smothered by the unyielding blows of remorse. This wasn't right… he shouldn't have died…

---

Sadie watched in amusement as Jude perched on the edge of her desk. She picked at her fingernails, sighed loudly then stood up and spun around to face her sister. She opened her mouth to speak then shook her head instead; speechless.

Sadie shook her head and continued typing a memo on her computer, glancing up occasionally to watch as Jude gazed at the platinum records on the wall for about half a second, tapped one foot on the ground to an imaginary beat then walked over to the nearby sofa where Spied was still working on a song.

"How's it going Vincent?" she asked.

"Harsh," Spied remarked with a head shake as he over plucked a string, causing a high pitched scream. Sadie wasn't sure if the remark was regarding Jude's use of his first name or the way his day was actually going.

"Me too," Jude remarked with a sympathetic nod. Her eyes flittered to the doorway as a courier walked in then flittered away in annoyance.

"Weren't we supposed to be recording today?" Spied asked.

Rolling her eyes skyward Jude remarked, "'We' were supposed to be doing a lot of things but then 'we' decided to play Lone Ranger and go act out some ridiculous action movie scenario."

Spied's eyebrows rose, "Right… so we're not recording?"

Jude's eyes had been on the door again and it was only when Spied maneuvered his guitar to poke her that she snapped back to attention. "Huh? What? Oh, no. I guess not." She put a hand on Spied's shoulder and looked into his eyes, "You're a good friend Spied."

She stood up again and walked over to Sadie's desk. Sadie smiled up at her. "I think you're scaring your guitarist."

Jude waved a hand in disinterest, "He'll get over it. Can you try Tommy's cell phone again? He might actually answer if the calls are coming from someone other than me."

"I tried a couple of minutes ago, Jude. He's not answering." Catching sight of something behind her she glanced around Jude, "Speak of the devil," she remarked in a low voice.

Jude whirled around to see a very ashen Tommy entering the lobby through a back door. He glanced over at her briefly, not long enough to make eye contact then quickly walked to his office.

"He's _so_ dead," Jude remarked as she marched across the room.

Spied glanced over at Sadie, "Dude, do you think we should, like, intervene or something? I'm worried about Squinty Frown."

"Tommy can look after himself," Sadie remarked with a shrug, "and don't call me dude!" she admonished as she threw a pen at him.

---

"You are such a jerk, you know that?" Jude remarked as she strode into Tommy's office and kicked the door shut behind her.

Tommy slowly lowered himself into the plush swivel chair behind his desk, "I was trying to help you," he remarked in a low voice.

Too angry to spot the signs Jude continued on her barrage, "Where do you get off going behind my back – doing things you _know_ I don't want you to do and telling me you're helping me!" 

"I'm sorry."

"So what'd you do then," she shrugged angrily, "give him a black eye, a few stitches maybe? Is he spending the night in the hospital? I'm _sure_ he'll leave me alone now!" she remarked sarcastically, "I bet you taught him a real lesson. Bravo Tom.""He's dead."

She froze, "What?"

"He's dead. He got hit by a truck; they say he died on impact."

She was silent for a second as she processed the information then her eyes widened, "Are you okay? You didn't get hit too?" She rushed around his desk and took one of his hands in hers, then pressed a hand to his forehead as if injuries suffered from an automobile accident could be gauged by a temperature.

"I'm fine. I was across the street when it happened. I saw it happen."

She dropped his hand and leaned away from him, looking down into his eyes skeptically. "He really got hit by a truck?

He nodded, "Yes." he glanced up at her sharply, "What are you getting at?"

She shook her head, "don't lie to me. Don't make up some story about Justin being dead to try to make me stop worrying. That's horrible! Tell me what happened."

"He's dead Jude," he spoke slowly; "I wouldn't lie to you. I saw it with my own eyes and I wish I hadn't. He stepped out onto the curb, the traffic was crazy and the truck overshot the lights or something. It hit him and he flew through the air and now he's dead." 

Tears were pooling in Jude's eyes as she shook her head and took a few steps back. Tommy frowned at her, confused by her reaction. He tried to reach out for her hand but she turned and fled for the door.

"Jude!" he called but she was already gone.

---

Jude sat on an overturned bucket in the Janitor's closet, frowning at a nearby mop and repeatedly shoving away a broom that was insisting on sliding along the wall and on top of her. It really was far too complicated to get alone time in G-Major.

She rested an elbow on her knee and propped her chin up on her upturned hand as she stared blankly at the door. Justin was dead. He'd died a half hour ago. He was about to destroy her world and now he was gone. He'd hurt her, he'd manipulated her and now he was dead. He'd been charming at times, had a bright future ahead of him and also when he wanted to; possessed a killer sense of humor and now he was dead.

He was her first big mistake…

She looked down at her stomach and felt the tears began to well up in her eyes again. Not even born yet and already her daughter was half an orphan. She was doing a fantastic job of screwing her life up.

She closed her eyes and Justin's face flittered into her mind and she realized for the first time – she's allowed herself to hate him. For everything he'd done to her and everything he could do she'd distanced herself from him emotionally until the only thing she'd send his way was hatred and anger. She'd practically brought about the situation they'd been in by not allowing him one chance or option to prove himself something other then person he'd been. All that bitterness, all that resentment, the anger… it was all gone.

Now she was sad in the light of the tragedy that had transpired - a life that was granted; full of many mistakes, was over. Seventeen years old.

She ran both hands through her hair, her fingers curling and clutching the strands as she leaned forward until her head met her knees and the tears began to stream down her cheeks.

---

After a good half hour or tears, frustration and conflicting emotions, Jude decided to venture out of the closet. She examined her reflection in the small compact mirror she'd retrieved from her handbag. Her eyes were red but with a little concealer she was able to hide the telltale red blotchiness on her cheeks that gave away the fact that she'd been crying.

She slowly pushed the door open, not wishing to attract attention to the fact that she had in fact been in the janitor's closet. Wouldn't that be fun to explain? 'Darius is punishing me with mop duty?' Right…

She jumped when she noticed a human figure slumped against the wall to the left of the door. "Tommy?" She whispered as she stepped into the hall and closed the door behind her.

"Hey," he stood up quickly, brushing off his jeans as he smiled nervously. "Sadie didn't se you go out the front door and Wally and Kyle were playing… some sport I didn't recognize out back so I figured you hadn't left. I searched the building and either you were under Darius' desk or here. So… I thought you might need a little space."

She smiled a sad but hopefully reassuring smile, "Thanks," she glanced at the floor, "though keeping guard a few feet away doesn't really seem to fit the description of 'space'," she drew quotation marks in the air.

"I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," she leaned back against the door. "I am. It all feels so strange but I'm okay…"

He searched her face, noticing the tell tale red of her eyes and the hint of tear stains on her cheeks. He didn't look convinced.

"Can we just go home? I'm really tired." She asked softly, her eyes big and pleading.

He nodded, "Okay."

---

Tommy was in the shower and Jude staring blankly at the television screen when there was a knock at the apartment door. She stood up, wrapping her cardigan around her shoulders as she went to answer it.

"Kwest?" she leaned against the door and motioned for him to come inside. "Were you and Tommy going out?"

"No." She noticed he had a plastic bag with some cans of beer in one hand. He looked nervous. "I just thought I'd call in and say hi."

"Right," she motioned behind her absentmindedly, "He's just in the shower. He shouldn't be long." She perched on the edge of the sofa and he sank down into one of the armchairs. "Didn't you and Sadie have a date last night? How'd it go?"

He smiled, "It was great. We got a pizza and went down to the water front to watch the sunset." She noticed how his expression softened as he thought of her sister. 

"I'm really glad you two are seeing each other, Kwest. You're good for her."

"She's good for me too," he said and she could tell the statement was genuine.

Tommy stepped out of the bathroom (Fully dressed – he'd grown tired of tormenting Jude in uncomfortable situations) and seemed surprised to see his friend. "Kwest; I didn't know you were coming over."

Kwest turned to Tommy and stood up quickly, the plastic bag still clutched in his hand crinkling as it swung through the air. He glanced over his shoulder at Jude and she got the distinct feeling he wished she wasn't there.

"I'm going to go make my self a hot drink," she mumbled as she stood up quickly, "Anyone want anything?"

Kwest smiled appreciatively and shook his head.

"I'm fine, thanks Jude," Tommy's eyes drifted away from Kwest momentarily to check her over, he was obviously still concerned.

She slowly closed the kitchen door behind her and reached into an overhead cupboard for a mug. Despite her attempt to distract herself she found herself catching snippets of conversation that drifted through the thin wall. She didn't want to eavesdrop but it was impossible to tune out. 

Kwest was speaking, "Look, I just know the anniversary is coming up and I was worried. With Jude here and everything that's going on-"

"I don't want to talk about it, okay. Thanks for the concern but-" his voice softened and Jude frowned, unable to make out the rest of his statement. She waited for the jug to boil then poured hot water into her mug and mixed in some chocolate powder and milk.

"Jude should be the priority right now, Tom," 

"You don't have to tell me that!" Anger was creeping into Tommy's voice, "Damnit Kwest, she's all the matters right now. Don't go dredging up the past. It's dead and buried." 

"You say that but it's not true. Is it? Since when have you been able to just let it go? Huh?"

Jude stared into the murkiness of her drink, feeling her stomach lurching. Whatever Tommy and Kwest were discussing sounded bad. She closed her eyes. How well did she really know the enigma that was Tommy Quincy? His actions, his attention, his affection toward her were still a source of utter bafflement.

She thought of his scar, of the absence of his family in his life. She eyed the clinical kitchen, a perfect extension of his clinical apartment and stark life. There was something about Tommy, something that was missing, something that hinted at some tragedy or dark secret.

She covered her mouth with one hand, stifling the gasp of panic that was welling up inside her.

"Are you okay?" she glanced up to see Tommy standing in the doorway, frowning at her in concern.

She nodded, quickly standing up and clutching the hot chocolate in one hand, "I'm fine. Is Kwest still here?"

He shook his head, "He had to get home."

"Is everything okay?" it was her turn to search his face as he shook his head, forced a smile and offered false assurance. "Tommy, I just, I get this feeling…"

As if he had read her mind and knew the conversation was going somewhere he didn't want it to he shook his head again and moved into the room, "I was thinking of making a late night snack, you want anything?"

She stepped in front of him, lifting her gaze to his and refusing to break it. "Tommy?"

He clenched his teeth and looked away, impatiently attempting to sidestep her and cross the room. He misjudged the space and his shoulder crashed into her arm, the mug of hot chocolate slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor, spilling its contents onto her leg before smashing into pieces on the tiled floor.

She cried out in pain, instantly leaning over and desperately trying to pull the fabric of her knee length skirt, soaked with burning liquid, away from her skin. Tommy's face took on an ashen color as he wrapped an arm around her and quickly guided her to the kitchen sink. He doused a cloth with cold water and began to wipe down her skirt. The burning sensation began to dissipate, replaced with the shivering cold water of the cloth. 

Jude blushed as she realized the presence of Tommy's hand on her thigh, granted saving her from a third degree burn. "Tommy, its okay, stop," she put her hand over his, pulling it away from her leg as she took a step back. "I'm fine. I'm going to go change out of this…" she didn't meet his eyes as she rushed out of the room and he interpreted the reason for one other then embarrassment.

He leaned back against the counter, throwing the cloth down angrily into the sink as he swore to himself.

---

When Jude stepped out of her room the next morning she found Tommy waiting for her in the lounge, the mail on the coffee table in front of him and one envelope clutched in his hand as he watched her approach.

"What's up Quincy?" she asked, feeling that same uncomfortable feeling from last night as she wrapped her dressing gown a little tighter around her nightgown.

"This," he leaned forward to hand her the envelope.

She glanced at him in confusion then scanned the address on the envelope. She didn't recognize the writing straight away until her eyes paused on her name. She turned it over and began to tear open the flap.

"Jude, are you sure you want to do that?" Tommy interrupted as he stood to his feet and walked over to her. "Nothing from him has ever been good."

She shrugged, "He's dead Quincy. He can't hurt me anymore." She tore open the rest of the envelope and took out the thin piece of folded paper inside. With one final glance at Tommy she began to read, first silently and then out loud.

_Jude,_

Please_ don't tear up this letter. I can see you right now. You've probably got a lighter in one hand and that familiar stubborn gleam in your eyes but please just hold off for a couple of minutes? You don't owe me that; you don't owe me anything but please?_

I've thought about my actions, both of old and more recently and I've realized how wrong I've been. I can't believe what I said to you at the park. Please know I didn't mean it. I never intended to go to the press – I would never do that. I was trying to manipulate you to do what I wanted which is pretty much all I've ever done to you. I was hurting you to get what I wanted and that was so very wrong.

I want to explain myself or… if I'm being entirely honest; I want to make excuses. When I said that time that I was too scared to tell my family that wasn't the entire truth. I don't really have any. My father was killed in a car crash when I was four and my mother died of cancer when I was seven. I had no extended family and I've been a ward of the state ever since. I've been passed around from foster home to foster home ever since. At the moment I'm staying a center for older teens who can't be placed until I turn 18 in a couple of months then I'm on my own.

I've never had a real family and I think that's why I've been so selfishly focused on having you and the baby in my life. I wanted us to be a family. I wanted someone in the world who would love me unconditionally and I thought our child could be that. I wanted someone to care about me and I thought someday (when we overcame our past) you could be that.

But there's the problem, right? It was all about me and what you could both do and be for me. I have a lot to learn about the true meaning of family…

I'm sorry. 

I could have called you or braved Tommy and came around to the apartment to say this but I've decided to do as you've asked and stay out of your life. Believe me when I say I hope this isn't a permanent arrangement. My hope that is that given time and space you will allow me some small part in our child's life but I'm not expecting it, I'm not asking it. As I've said; you don't owe me anything but I owe you a lifetime of apologies.

Please believe me when I say I'm sorry. Please don't worry about me doing anything further to hurt you. I'll disappear into the shadows and I'll keep your secret for as long as you ask. I'll take it to the grave if that's what you want. I promise that. If you need anything; financial help or anything else – I'm ready; I'm willing and just hoping you'll call on me.

Maybe some day in the future you could send me a photograph of the baby? Our child, Jude... Hopefully she's possesses all those amazing things about you and the one or two thing about me that are positive. Maybe she'll be a good cook? Whatever she is, whoever she becomes… I'm sure she's going to be something pretty amazing…

-Justin

**Teasers for Chapter 37**

"I think I have the wrong number. I'm looking for Thomas Dutois," a woman's voice explained nervously.

"You've got the right number but he's not in right now," Jude explained as she scanned the room for paper and a pen, "can I take a message?"

The women sighed and after a moment's pause said curtly; "Just tell him his mother called."

Before Jude could respond the sound of the dial tone rang harshly in her ear. Frowning, she placed the phone back in it's cradle.


	37. Chapter 37: Guilt

_Okay, so here it is finally. There's something of a revelation at the end. One I've been dropping clues for (and teasing you about for ages). Remember a certain event in Jude's flashbacks?_

Anyway, hope you like and it sorry about any typos or grammatical errors. It hasn't been beta'd.

Please comment!! 

**Chapter 37: Regret**

"Jude?" Tommy watched intently as she let the letter slip from her hands. It slowly floated to the floor and neither made any move to retrieve it.

She put a hand to her forehead, softly shaking her head, "I never knew. I never asked him about his family," she whispered slowly

Tommy was annoyed by her sudden guilt. He raised his hands questioningly, "When? When he was attacking you at some party, lying to you or threatening you?"

She fixed her sad gaze on him and he was hit with it's reprimanding nature. Justin's faults weren't the point now and he could tell she thought less of him for holding on to the same old grudges. "Tommy," she sighed.

"It's not your fault," he stood in front of her and put his hands on her shoulder, the other lifting her chin so she was looking up at him. "It's sad, yeah, but it's not an excuse, there's nothing you can do about it and it's not your fault."

"Uh-huh," she lowered her gaze to stare blankly at a button on his shirt.

"If anything it's mine," he said softly, taking a step back and then turning to the window. It was so familiar; one minute his full attention had been on her, fully there and available to help and the next moment he'd detached himself so subtly. He was the Island and she was stranded on some distant short looking out over the vast ocean that separated them.

She wanted to push him and find out the meaning behind his cryptic statement but the timing was off. Instead she sank down onto an armchair, pulling her feet up onto the chair in front of her as she hugged her knees to her chest – at least as much as her inflated stomach would allow. Closing her eyes she allowed Justin's face to float in front of her eyes. She barred the dark memories and instead focused on the happy times they'd spent together when she didn't realize who he was. She'd seen another side of him then and though in recent month's she'd convinced herself it was a lie she now realized it wasn't. He had the capacity to be a great guy and perhaps if things had been different and if they'd each not made the mistakes they'd made… he could have been someone she'd loved, just as he'd hoped and so screwed things up by trying to bring about.

"You okay?" Tommy asked, turning from the window to look at her questioningly.

She opened her eyes, her vision now blurred by the tears that were pooling in them. "Yeah, I'm just going to go have a shower. She stood up, wrapping her dressing gown around her tightly as she walked past him and out to the hallway.

"I'll make us some breakfast," he called after her as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed as he watched her depart.

---

"Where's Jude?" Sadie asked as Tommy walked into G-Major later that morning.

"She wasn't feeling that great so I gave her the day off," he explained as he paused to lean on her desk.

"She called and told me about Justin," she explained with a sight nod, "gosh, I don't know what to think about the whole thing…"

"I think that's Jude's problem. She doesn't know how she's supposed to feel," he gritted his teeth, his fingers curling into a fist as he brought a hand down on the counter with a thud, "She keeps insisting it wasn't all his fault, that she was to blame too but I don't buy it," he remarked angrily.

Eyeing him warily, Sadie reached forward and patted his hand gingerly, not lingering as if in fear that would push his anger over the edge. "Maybe that's true? Jude's no fool. I used to joke she should be a Judge when we were little; she could be so… wise sometimes about things like that. If she says it didn't happen the way we're thinking then maybe she's right? I know she hasn't told either of us everything that happened and she probably never will. Maybe he wasn't a monster? Maybe he was just a stupid kid who made a mistake…"

Tommy stared at his hands as if his cuticles fascinated him, somehow resembling a rebellious little boy who didn't want to accept the truth. "Wow Sadie, you can be frustrating sometimes." She looked taken aback and he embellished, "just let me hate him. It's easier that way."

---

Jude scrolled through a local news website, searching out Justin's name in the latest headlines. Eventually she found a small blurb.

_Local boy killed in automobile accident. Justin Butler, age seventeen, a ward of the state was hit by a truck when crossing the road at a busy intersection on Harrows Street in the early afternoon. A police report into the incident is underway and many are blaming the incident on ingestion caused by recent road works in the area. _

She propped her chin up on her hand as she blinked at the harsh light of the computer screen. No character quotations from family or friends, just an analytical collection of sentences that most people would flit over without a second thought. How sad to be so alone in the world in life and death.

She thought of her parents. A year ago she'd had a mother, father and sister. Now she just had a sister and Tommy… whatever he could be described as. She used to be so scared she'd end up completely alone in life but with the impending birth of her child that couldn't really ever happen, not for eighteen years at least.

She couldn't allow her daughter to ever feel the way Justin did. She would be and provide the best family she could. She would be the best mother she could and she would make sure her daughter had people present in her life to help and guide her and most importantly… to love and protect her. 

The insistent ringing of a phone interrupted her thoughts and she quickly got up and went in search for the phone. For whatever the phone was always elusive, deposited in the strangest of places. Jude wouldn't be surprised if she someday found it in the freezer. 

"Hello?" she asked breathlessly when she finally located the phone.

"I think I have the wrong number. I'm looking for Thomas Dutois," a woman's voice explained nervously.

"You've got the right number but he's not in right now," Jude explained as she scanned the room for paper and a pen, "can I take a message?"

The women sighed and after a moment's pause said curtly; "Just tell him his mother called."

Before Jude could respond the sound of the dial tone rang harshly in her ear. Frowning, she placed the phone back in it's cradle.

---

Tommy returned from G-Major to find the apartment silent and dark – something that happened rarely since Jude moved in. She was sitting by the window in the lounge gazing out at the street below, as still as a statue.

"Hey," he put down the box of CDs he'd brought home from work and gazed at her across the room, "how are you doing?"

She glanced up and he got the distinct feeling she hadn't noticed his presence until that moment. She frowned, as if wondering why he was there until recognition flittered across her face. She lifted her wrist and glanced at her watch.

"Is it really five already? I should start dinner." She made a move to get up but he raised his hands in a halting motion.

"Don't worry about it. I feel like pizza tonight or Chinese. We'll just order in." He strolled over to her casually, hands tucked into the pockets of the jacket he hadn't yet shed. "What are you looking at?"

Her gaze drifted back to the window and she shrugged, "the world," she responded softly. "See him," she lifted a hand and pointed to a man staggering about across the street, "he's been there for the last hour or so since they kicked him out of the bar down the street. He was off his head at three in the afternoon." She leaned her head against the window frame as her finger traced the man's outline on the windowpane. "I don't think he's got anywhere to go, Tommy. He just keeps standing there."

Tommy watched the man for a moment then glanced at her, taking in the distant look, the sadness in her eyes and the subtle downturn of her lips.

"There's so many people we pass by every day without knowing or caring a thing about who they are or what there lives are like," she was observing, "they're all alone without anyone to care about them. Isn't that horrible?" Her voice wobbled a little and he leaned forward and took her hand, gently pulling her away from the window and into the center of the room.

"I'm fine," she remarked dismissively with a shrug of her shoulders as she looked away from him.

"I know," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, gently stroking her back as she slowly began to break, her shoulders beginning to heave with sobs as the tears ran down her cheeks and soaked through the fabric of his shirt.

---

After her beakdown which had lasted until her tears ran out, Jude had vanished into the bathroom to wash her face and apply some eyedrops to her stinging eyes. When she returned she found that Tommy had set up a cozy fire, put on some mellow music and turned the lights down from their normal harsh setting to a dim glow, warm enough to see by but dark enough to not harass the eyes. At any other time the setting would have seemed romantic but now it was exactly the comfort she needed.

"Pizza will be here any second," Tommy motioned to her to sit down on an arm chair he'd pulled over by the fire. As if in agreement the doorbell chimed, "and that will be it."

He disappeared from the room and Jude set about fluffing the pillows and shifting in her seat to find that position where she was comfortable that was growing increasingly elusive as her pregnancy progressed. She was aware of Tommy zipping through the room and out to the kitchen and a few minutes later he returned with the pizza and some plates, napkins, knives and forks.

"I'll never get your eating pizza with a knife and fork thing," he remarked as he handed them to her.

"I don't like greasy fingers," she remarked airily with a shrug.

He sat down in the armchair opposite and began serving slices onto plates. "The whole doorbell thing was just a front, you know," he remarked playfully, "In actuality I just finished making the pizza myself. This pizza does in fact represent my blood, sweat and tears and all for you my dear." 

"Ew," Jude remarked, eyeing the pizza as if it had in fact literally been drowned in sweat. "So cooking reduces you to tears, huh? I was wondering what would do it. Interesting how this pizza looks exactly like the Pizza Hut ones…"

"Fascinating coincidence that," he smirked, happy to see the sparkle returning to her eyes.

They had been eating in comfortable silence for a few minutes when Jude remembered the phone call a few hours earlier. "Oh, your mother called before," she said it casually, as if it had been Kwest or Darius but Tommy's reaction was something entirely different. His head shot up from gazing into the fireplace to staring at her incredulously.

"Really? What did she say?"

She recounted the very brief exchange and Tommy's eyes drifted back to the flames. "Is everything okay?"

"We haven't spoken in awhile is all," he remarked with a shrug, not meeting her inquisitive gaze.

It was one of those moments where she wanted to persist in pushing past his defensive walls but her emotional state wasn't up to the undoubted rebuttal. So the questions remained unsaid and the silence returned but the comfortable atmosphere was gone.

---

Jude was leaving the bathroom and returning to her bedroom much later that night when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a dark form silhouetted in the moonlight standing by the lounge window. She jumped then looked closer.

"Tommy? What are you doing standing here in the dark?" She asked as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her robe and shivered in the cold hallway.

"Just thinking, you should get some sleep," he remarked dismissively, waving a hand over his shoulder at her.

The tone of his voice and his unusually dismissive manner had the opposite affect of it's intention. She slowly walked into the room and over to him, weaving her way between chairs and tables until she reached his side. "Are you okay?"

He closed his eyes tightly for a second as he slowly leaned forward until his forehead was leaning against the cool panel of glass. He looked down at the ground without answering her and she felt that familiar sensation of blind worry taking over her. 

"I've just made so many mistakes in my life," he finally said quietly, the words coming with a sighing exhale of breath, "and it's just all coming back to me."

"Like what?" She challenged as she leaned against the window frame across from him.

He glanced up at her, shifting back from the glass for a second. His blue eyes seemed larger and sadder in the moonlight and she felt an urge to cry as she gazed at his heartbroken face. 

"Tommy, you're amazing. I don't get why you're beating yourself up like this. Look at what you've done for me over the last few months."

"Because that doesn't matter," he remarked in an obstinate tone as he returned his gaze to the window and shook his head firmly.

She put a hand on her hip, "How on earth could it not matter?"

"Because it's my fault to begin with," he whispered.

"What's your fault?"

"What happened at the party," he glanced back at her briefly.

She felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment, to be discussing 'that' with him. "I wasn't aware we were talking about that…"

"All roads lead to it, right?" He asked with a sardonic snort.

She sighed, feeling very tired suddenly, despite the full nights sleep she'd just had. "I don't understand, Tommy. How is that your fault?""What time," He paused, "What time did it happen?"

Jude frowned at his unusual question. She sighed, "Midnight. I remember hearing this big old grandfather clock in the hallway striking the hour… before." She turned away from him, wishing now she hadn't sought out the meaning to his statement and wishing she could just leave.

"It is. It's my fault," Tommy's words stopped her in her tracks and she slowly turned to face him.

Smiling, she shook her head, "No. It's my fault and its Justin's fault. You had nothing to do with it."

He shook his head, his eyes on hers and she was surprised to see tears pooling in their depths. His hands were shaking and there was a tremor in his jaw as he began to speak. "The night of that party, I got a call from your cell phone. I was…" he laughed bitterly, running a shaky hand through his hair and Jude leaned a little more of her weight against the window frame, feeling dread pooling in the pit of her stomach, "I was with a girl." He shrugged, gritting his teeth together angrily, "and I didn't want any interruptions but my phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID and saw it was from your cell. It occurred to me that it was strange for you even to be calling me. I texted you occasionally about studio times or called you about some little detail but you rarely called me and certainly not at 11pm." He paused again, sighing softly.

"I ignored it because I was having too much _fun_ to be interrupted. It was far too _important_," His tone was mocking and derogatory and all directed at himself. He shook his head angrily at the words. "But the phone kept ringing and I thought to myself, 'Hey, it's Jude Harrison. The girl never quits,' so I stopped and I answered it, only it wasn't you." He tilted his head to the side, glancing over at her briefly before looking away. Jude was confused, still not understanding what he was saying or what it meant though she could feel the realization struggling through her conscience and she knew something within her was pushing it back, kicking it away because she knew that realization was too big and horrible to be dealt with.

"It was some girl. I could barely make out her voice over all the noise. She was at a party." Jude's eyes widened. "She said she'd gotten your phone off of you and that you were really drunk. She said she was worried about you, that she found my name in your address book. She didn't want to call your parents and get you in trouble and I guess I was the first number she found that wasn't identified by parental identification," he sighed again, sounding tired and so regretful. "She'd called and she wanted me to come pick you up, to make sure you got home safely… to make sure nothing happened to you." He brushed away the tears in his eyes angrily, gritting his teeth once again. He lifted his gaze to meet hers, looking her in the eye as he finally admitted the guilt that had been sitting with him since the day he found her holed up in the G-Major bathroom. "I went back to my date and I didn't do anything. I could have helped you but I didn't. I just went on with my night as if nothing happened. I wasted that time with some girl whose face I don't even remember, let alone her name and if I'd gone and picked you up none of this would have happened. So you see… it's my fault." 

There was a long silence; the kind that felt like an eternity but were probably only a few seconds long. Jude chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully, trying to evaluate her feelings regarding this new development. Her silence made Tommy feel all the worse as he took it for anger or disgust.

Finally she spoke, "So when you offered to help me…" she spoke slowly, sounding out the words carefully, almost playing with the letters while stalling for time, "you did it because you felt guilty?"

"Because I hadn't helped you when you really needed it?" He shrugged, "Yes… no, I don't really know anymore. Maybe at first?"

"You're my Producer, Quincy, not my baby-sitter," she remarked dismissively.

"You needed a friend, you needed someone to care enough to help you in a time of need and I was too damn selfish to do that," he said angrily.

"I don't blame you," she lowered her head a little, tilting her face up in an attempt to look in his eyes as he avoided her, "Granted things might have gone differently had you came and tried to find me but maybe it would have ended up the same. Maybe it would have been you instead of Justin," she smirked, trying to joke as she instantly regretted the comment. Where had it come from? What on earth did it mean? "I was pretty out of it," she tried to explain away and dismiss the commen.

He frowned, "I'd never do that to you."

She sat down on the sofa, sinking into it's soft depths, closing her eyes and trying to relieve the tension in her body and the room. "I know," she opened her eyes and gazed up at him. "I kinda wish it had been you though, you know? I wish it had been you and not him."

His expression changed, something in his eyes she'd never seen before, "I'm making you uncomfortable aren't I?" she asked in a low voice.

He made a face, shaking his head, "Lil Tommy Q, remember? I don't get embarrassed or uncomfortable but I don't understand..."

"I wish she was yours and not Justin's," her voice broke and she paused, trying to compile herself, "I wish she had a father but I don't blame you - don't blame yourself. In fact, if I had a chance to change that night – to have never gone to that party I don't think I would. I wouldn't trade these last few months, I wouldn't trade my daughter and," she glanced down at her hands, picking at the chipped nail polish as she added so softly he almost didn't hear, "I wouldn't trade you."

The room was silent for a few seconds and Jude stood up. Tommy surprised her as she walked past him by reaching out and silently taking her hand. She glanced up questioningly as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek on his chest and pausing for a moment to just savor him.

After a long enough pause for the hug to be more then a hug he slowly released her, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"I wouldn't trade you either."

She gazed up at him as she felt that secure feeling of home for the first time since their falling out.

**Teasers for Chapter 38**

_She shook her head, blushing slightly, "I have no idea what you're babbling about."_

She turned to leave but he quickly reached for her, his arms encircling her waist as he spun her around to face him and pulled her close to him. He crashed his lips into hers, a hand sliding up to cup the back of her head. She didn't push him away and instead melted into the kiss, an arm wrapping around his neck as she pulled his head toward hers.


	38. Chapter 38: Normalcy

_This chapter is a little quiet but I guess after the last one some downtime is good._

Thanks for all your awesome comments on the last chapter. They were really encouraging 

**Chapter 38: Normalcy **

Jude shivered in the cool afternoon air as light sheets of drizzle made their way through the lives of the tree she was sheltering under and dampened her clothes. She figured she must look quite the freak, casually standing under a tree ten or so feet from Justin's graveside funeral service in her long black trench coat, dark glasses and big floppy hat. She just hoped no one recognized her as explaining away her 'just so happened to be here' presence could be complicated.

She pushed her hands deeper into her pockets and leaned back against the tree trunk. The funeral party was pitifully small and it made her feel all the guiltier. There was a middle aged couple she felt certain were Justin's foster parents. Their expressions of guilt and forced but detached emotional pain made that pretty clear. There were also a few young children looking bored as they fidgeted and tried to subtly inch closer to the pile of dirt by the grave. The handful of truly sad mourners were a few teens Jude's own age; a couple of girls who dabbed at their eyes and hugged each other regularly and some jocks who were struggling against showing any sign of emotion.

The priest raised his hand over the partially lowered coffin and sprinkled some dirt on top and one by one the party followed suit, each pausing by the grave, occasionally murmuring a few words inaudible to anyone but themselves and perhaps their intended recipient in the coffin. Over the next ten minutes they departed in their various groups. Not one glanced in Jude's direction.

She was kicking at a weed beneath her feet when the groundskeepers turned up with their shovels to complete the burial. One glanced up at Jude and for the first time since she'd stepped under the tree she wasn't invisible.

"You here for him?" the elder asked in a gruff voice.

She glanced about her uncomfortably, "Um, well…"

He was obviously used to the anonymous presence at a funeral and nodded understandingly. He dug his shovel into the ground by the grave and left it standing there as motioned to his co-worker. "We'll give you a few minutes," he said before walking away.

She stared at the grave for a few long seconds before stepping out from the shelter of the tree and walking over. She shuddered as she gazed down at the coffin six feet beneath the earth's surface and slowly sunk down until she was crouching by the hole.

She wasn't one for speaking to a body when the Spirit that had made it a person was gone but still the words tumbled out, more for her own benefit then his.

"I'm sorry… for my mistakes and bitterness," she whispered, "I'm sorry I put all the blame on you and didn't take responsibility for my own drunken consent. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance," she paused, feeling warmth washing over her as the sun slowly crept out from behind a cloud. "I'll look after her, I'll love her and maybe someday I'll tell her about you."

She stood up, grateful for the feeling of closure she'd finally achieved. She shaded her eyes with her hands and gazed across the water soaked graveyard to the idling viper some distance away, waving her hand slightly as she began to walk to it.

---

Jude ran a hand through her hair as she gazed through the glass wall of the recording booth and out into the lobby. It was a week or so since Justin's funeral and behind her Tommy was changing the microphone, muttering to him self as the cords got tangled and nearly tripped him.

"You winning the battle there?" she asked with a wry smile as she glanced back at him.

"One way or another," he flashed a smile as he finished untangling the wires and adjusted the microphones height. "What are you staring at?" he asked as he watched her staring out the window.

"I'm watching myself being watched," she replied as she subtly pointed to a distant desk where one of Tommy's many wish-to-be groupie interns was watching them like a hawk as she pretended to type up a document. Since that kiss she and Tommy had shared in the lobby, the one that was supposed to convince their co-workers that they were a happy couple, she'd been getting a lot of negative vibes and curiosity from her female co-workers. "If she wants another show that's just too bad," she remarked dismissively.

"What kind of show?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She blushed as she met his eyes and noticed the suggestive twinkle there. She shrugged, "I dunno," she mumbled as she looked away.

"I like shows," he remarked.

She rolled her eyes at him, "Most everyone on the planet knows that you _like_ shows."

He closed the distance between them so that he was partially standing between her and the window but still allowing her enough room to see the intern's eyes on them. She glanced up at him briefly and he noticed her eyes drop to his lips as she unconsciously licked her own. He smiled confidently, "Go ahead. Do it," He said softly, "You know you want to and it will only help our reputation."

Her eyes shot up to his, "Huh?"

He shook his head slightly, "You know what I'm talking about."

She shook her head, blushing slightly, "I have no idea what you're babbling about."

She turned to leave but he quickly reached for her, his arms encircling her waist as he spun her around to face him and pulled her closer. He crashed his lips into hers, a hand sliding up to cup the back of her head. She didn't push him away and instead melted into the kiss, an arm wrapping around his neck as she pulled his head toward hers.

He detached his lips from hers momentarily to quickly inhale some precious air before tilting his head and kissing her again.

He wondered, as he had many times before, if it really was all for show. She was enjoying the kiss and her actions prior had shown she wanted it; that wasn't an act. But she wouldn't be kissing him if they weren't still trying to convince their prying and doubtful coworkers and the very world that they were in love. She wouldn't be kissing him if they were alone in a locked room where people couldn't see.

Their kiss was a physical act that took place for a reason; for an audience. Just because they both enjoyed it didn't mean it belied any hidden emotion or affection.

A kiss is a kiss. Isn't it?

---

Jude brushed a coating of popcorn off a bench and gingerly sat down as she waited for Sadie to return. The two had decided to have a girl's night out when Kwest and Tommy had disappeared from G-Major together earlier that afternoon. She ignored the curious and judgmental glances she was getting from passerby's but unconsciously placed a hand on her stomach protectively. Sadie was making her way through the crowd and she smiled as she help up the jumbo sized tub of popcorn.

"I think we're set," she remarked happily as she sat down next to Jude, "Cheesy romantic comedy, ridiculous amounts of popcorn and just the two of us."

"No icky boys huh?" Jude remarked, crinkling her nose playfully. 

"Ooh, remember Johnny Patterson?" Sadie asked, her eyes lighting up, "he had that frizzy red hair and those glasses that were always so grubby you could barely see his eyes and he always had something in his teeth. When did you know him? Wasn't it like the third grade or something?"

"Second," Jude remarked, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"I remember you had _such_ a crush on him," Sadie remarked in a teasing voice. She nudged Jude playfully.

"I did not," she could feel herself blushing and hated it, "I just thought he was really nice..."

"Right, nice," Sadie smirked, "But your taste in guys – at least in the shallow department like looks and charm – has definitely improved in recent years."

Jude could feel her blush deepening and she inhaled deeply in an attempt to return her blood pressure to normal. "What taste, what guy?" she demanded, "I'm not in elementary school anymore. I don't have any crushes."

"Yeah, right," Sadie laughed, throwing her head back, her blond hair flowing around her head in a blinding sea of gold. Jude noted with her normal twinge of envy as every male head in the vicinity turned and gazed her way admiringly.

"I don't," Jude mumbled as she took the tub of popcorn from Sadie and stood to her feet. She swung her purse over her shoulder and started making her way through the crowd toward their theatre as her sister followed.

"Right, cause a girl can just live with a guy like Tommy Quincy and make out with him on a regular basis," at Jude's wide eyed response she nodded, "Yes, I did see that one and if I hadn't I've heard it described around the office enough today but as I was saying. You can't just hang out with Little Tommy Q and not get a crush. It's unnatural."

"Then I'm unnatural." Jude handed over their tickets, smiling sweetly at the pimple faced young teen then stepped into the darkened theatre, "Tommy and I are very good friends but anything more is just too complicated. So tease all you like but I'm not biting."

She resented the little sing song voice in the back of her mind that was somehow echoing her sister's suggestions without words but still speaking volumes; a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was just the hormones speaking… it was that kiss they'd spent earlier that day… it was ridiculous and she wasn't going to pay it any mind.

"Denial is a flimsy defense sister," Sadie informed as they sat down in their seats, "and you forget I can see through you like a sheet of glass."

The lights dimmed and the screen came to life but Jude's comment still would have been whispered in the darkness, "You're crazy."

---

"So she really called huh?" Kwest's eyebrows rose as he swished the glass in his hand in a circular motion, causing the ice cubes to rattle and climb the sides. "Man, how long has it been?"

"Long enough," Tommy remarked. His forehead was creased in an angry frown as he gazed out the bar window to the people passing on the street. He closed his eyes for a second and in that time a couple that had been passing by the window disappeared from sight. He wished he could as easily and quickly blink away the memories and feelings that were resurfacing in his life. "I don't care what she has to say. It isn't worth getting into it all again."

"She's your mother T," Kwest remarked with a slight shake of your head, "You need to hear her out. It could be important."

"Yeah, like how?"

"Like she could be dying."

Tommy lowered his eyes to the table top as his stomach churned with guilt. He reached out and snatched up a napkin and crushed it in his hands, squeezing his fist tightly until it was reduced to a small ball. "It was going to happen sooner or later."

"You're not that cold," Kwest argued, his eyes fixed on Tommy resolutely, "It's not you."

"She told me she never wanted to see me again," Tommy argued. He could feel a sting in the back of his eyes as an invisible choking fist wrapped around his throat and he hated how vulnerable he felt.

"No, _he_ said that."

Tommy shook his head angrily, hurling the napkin down onto the floor as he looked away and spoke slowly and deliberately; "Don't talk to me about him."

"There's my point right there," Kwest sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest, "_She's_ not the problem."

---

Sadie had her arm wrapped around Jude's shoulder as the two of them giggled and sung songs, lost in their sisterly world as they walked up to the front of Jude's apartment building.

"Hey isn't that-?" Sadie motioned over her shoulder to two approaching forms and Jude squinted in the darkness to make out Tommy and Kwest approaching. Tommy had his hands in his pocket, his head hung and his shoulders drooping dejectedly. Kwest looked every part the concerned friend.

"Hey guys, over here!" Sadie called as she waved them over.

Kwest smiled broadly as he walked over and wrapped an arm around her in a sideways hug, then quickly as if the idea had just occurred to him and he instantly ran with it he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a brief but passionate kiss.

Sadie smiled dreamily as he pulled away, "Hmm, you've been drinking," she remarked recognizing the taste of the alcohol on his lips, "but I guess I'm all for a little liquid courage every now and then." 

"Hey, I'm courageous sober or not," Kwest remarked with a grin.

Jude smiled as she watched the two of them flirting then turned her attention to Tommy who was leaning against the wall of the building. "You okay?" She asked as she idled over to him. 

He leaned his head back against the wall and looked up at the sky above them, "fine."

She chewed on her lip but didn't persist. Behind them Sadie called out that she and Kwest were leaving. Jude smiled as she waved good-bye then turned back to Tommy. She held out her hand to him and slowly he accepted it, "come on," overly dramatically she pretended to pull him up then held open the apartment door for him.

"I'm the one who's supposed to open the door," he remarked quietly, "I'm the gentleman. I'm not my father."

The smile that had been bravely staying on Jude's face died on her lips and she frowned, "I never said you were."

He walked on ahead, punching a button for the elevator and she paused a few feet behind him, blinking down at the marble floor of the foyer until the bell signaled the elevators arrival. Before she entered she glanced behind her and through the glass walls that made up the front wall of the room. In the distance she could see Kwest and Sadie rounding a corner together, his arm around her waist and the two smiling at each other happily. She turned back to Tommy who was glowering at the floor as he leaned against the handrail at the back of the elevator. She stepped inside with him and the elevator doors closed in a frenzied blur. 

**Teasers for Chapter 39**

_"Great, just great," he muttered as he brushed past her and out of the kitchen._

"What's with you?" she demanded as she followed him into the lounge. "You're like the freakin' Grinch today!"

---

"What is his biggest fear?" The reporter asked.

She glanced at Tommy briefly, noticing the way he looked away uncomfortably, "Sometimes I think I know and then the rest of the time I realize I have absolutely no idea," she answered honestly.


	39. Chapter 39: Posing

_Happy new year everyone! I hope you had a great Christmas. ____ As always, don't forget to comment. _

**Chapter 39: Posing**

Jude was brushing her teeth first thing the next morning when Tommy's head appeared through the partially ajar bathroom door. "Are we out of cereal?" he asked gruffly.

She spat out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth before glancing back at him, "No, there's another box in the bottom cupboard."

He disappeared from the door without another word and she frowned as she turned back to the bathroom mirror and splashed water on her face.

When she left the bathroom there were loud bangs echoing from the kitchen as Tommy slammed doors and drawers. She paused in the hallway, watching through the open kitchen door as he moved around the kitchen. His forehead was creased in a frown as he poured milk into a bowl and searched around the cutlery drawer or a spoon. The steel utensils clanged nervously, almost sounding scared as he searched then slammed the drawer shut.

She was finishing up her make-up and doing her hair when he yelled from the kitchen, "Are we out of coffee?"

"I don't know," she answered back with a sigh, "I'm not drinking it anymore remember?"

He swore angrily and she couldn't help but cringe at the angry words, even if they were directed at the missing coffee and not her.

"We have that photo shoot this afternoon don't forget," she said when she walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, slipping on a pair of earrings.

"What?" he dropped his empty bowl into the sink and turned to her.

"Remember? The cover shoot and interview with People Magazine that Darius booked? I don't think we can get out of it."

"Great, just great," he muttered as he brushed past her and out of the kitchen.

"What's with you?" she demanded as she followed him into the lounge. "You're like the freakin' Grinch today!"

"Ugh, I'm sorry," he muttered as he ran a hand over his face, "It's not you. I guess I just drank a little more than I thought last night and have a hangover or something. "I'll be at the shoot. What time was it?"

"Two PM. Darius sent the addresses to your blackberry. I'm going out to get some groceries," she explained as she picked up her bag, "I guess you want coffee?"

He smiled apologetically, "Yes please."

---

Jude was the first to arrive at the photographer's studio where the photo shoot and interview was taking place. She smiled sweetly when she met the journalist covering the article, attempting to make up for Tommy's absence.

"So I was thinking you guys could go to hair and make-up first then we could do the interview and then the shoot?" Susan was in her mid-twenties, a set of trendy glasses added to her academic look though her retro style made her somehow more approachable then most of the journalists Jude had met. "Is that okay?"

Jude nodded, "Sounds good. I'm sorry Tommy's running late. He should be here any second."

"Don't worry about it," Susan put a hand on her shoulder as she smiled, "Guys only need a few seconds in make-up anyway, though I find hair is a different story. You go get started and I'll send him through when he arrives."

---

Jude was inwardly wincing as the hair stylist brushed her hair a little too roughly and styled it into loose curls. She glanced down at the cell phone clutched in her hands, once again fruitlessly checking for a text, missed call or any other attempted contact from Tommy.

"Guys," the middle aged photographer said with a knowing smile, "Can't live with them, can't stuff them in the trunk."

Jude smirked as she closed the screen of her phone and slid into the pocket of her robe. "Spoken with experience?" she asked.

"Married for twenty years," she held up her hand to display a modest diamond ring, "Though married years are like the difference between human and dog years. Really it's something more like sixty. And in that time I believe he's shown up on time… twice? There was our honeymoon," she rolled her eyes, "and the birth of our first daughter. I'll give him points for the second at least."

Jude laughed, "I remember my mother always complaining about it when I was growing up. She could always find Dad with a set of headphones listening to some Bob Dylan record when he was supposed to picking up my sister from a soccer game or debate."

"Just remember," the woman instructed as she leaned forward and rested her hands on Jude's shoulders, "schedules, recitals and all of that are important but they're not the things that really matter. We all have different ways of showing how we care. It's the little things they do that seem insignificant but really show exactly how much they care; those are the things you should focus on. Like last night, I had this really long day. I've been working on this movie and the star whose hair I do is a total diva. She had a really tough day of shooting, intense stunts and all of that and of course I got the brunt of her anger each time she came in between takes to fix her hair. I got home from my work and my husband had made dinner, got the kids to bed and left a bouquet of flowers waiting for me in my parking space in the garage."

Jude smiled, "That's sweet."

The door to the small dressing room opened quickly and a flustered Tommy appeared. "I'm so sorry I'm late," he said quickly.

The stylist motioned him to the chair next to Jude's and he sat down nervously. "I'm done here," she said with a smile to Jude. "I'll send in Larry to do his hair." She reached over and squeezed her hand in a mothering way before leaving the room. 

Sighing, Jude slowly raised her eyes to the mirror in front of her. Her reflection was stunning and she did the second take she always did when she saw herself professionally made up. Slowly her eyes drifted across the mirror to Tommy's next to hers. He shrugged his shoulders apologetically and her eyes dropped to her hands again. 

"You think we're up to this?" she asked as she stood up from her chair, tying the sash on her robe tightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"We're not exactly in the best place today. Or you're not, I should say. I'm going to wardrobe."

"Jude?" he called after her and she paused at the door. "It'll be okay," he spoke to her through their reflections in the mirror and she nodded her head unbelievingly. "It will," he repeated.

---

Jude perched on the edge of the sofa uncomfortably, smiling nervously at Susan as she waited for Tommy to emerge. "It's a gorgeous day," she remarked, inwardly cringing at her inward attempt to fill the silence.

Susan smiled, "Certainly beats the weather last week."

"Sorry ladies," Tommy emerged from the dressing room dressed in a pair of jeans and a dark black shirt that made his eyes stand out dramatically. Jude felt a slight flutter in her stomach. Not big though or No biggie…; who's wouldn't? She could appreciate that he was handsome; Sadie was right on at least that one.

Susan smiled, sitting a little more upright in her chair and straightening her skirt. Jude smiled knowingly. She saw the same reaction from so many girls, not least of all the ones they worked with.

"Everyone's here. I guess we should get started then," Susan said. She observed the two of them quietly, noting the way Tommy sat down next to Jude on the sofa and how for a moment there was an awkward pause as the two tried to decide how they should sit for appearances sake. Eventually Jude leaned toward him a little on the sofa and he put an arm around her shoulder.

"Okay, so every couple's favorite test," Susan remarked with a wry grin, "how well do you know each other?"

Jude cringed dramatically as she leaned back on the sofa and patted her hands on her knees. She glanced sideways at Tommy who still looked distracted and moody while quickly praying this whole thing wouldn't be the disaster that would bring down Darius' fury.

"Tommy. You go first," the reporter said, "What's Jude's favorite color?"

Tommy didn't blink before responding, "Red."

"Celebrity crush?"

"Johnny Depp?"

She scribbled down the answers and flipped through her notes, "What's her greatest fear?"

Jude was discovering she had a new one as she nervously waited his answer. He thought in silence for a moment, "That the people she loves will leave her," he finally answered. 

The faces of her parents floated into her mind as Jude gazed at her purple nail polish. She felt like some character in a teen drama, borrowing a line from One Tree Hill; "Everyone leaves". Tommy really did know her. The thought was scary and thrilling and awesome and confusing. She didn't know what to think.

She listened to the rest of the questions and Tommy's answers: favorite thing to do when stressed: cook, favorite sport: any she's not personally involved in and dream: winning a Grammy.

"What was her most memorable moment to date?" Susan asked as she paused on her final sheet of notes. She lifted her gaze to watch him as he responded.

Tommy glanced over at Jude and smiled flirtatiously, "Meeting me of course. No, just kidding. It would be the moment she first saw our daughter on an ultrasound. That one was pretty unforgettable."

Jude exhaled a sigh of relief, feeling her butterflies departing but only to return a few seconds later when the Susan turned to her.

"Okay, same questions: Favorite color?" The tone of her voice had changed now she was speaking to Jude. With Tommy it had been flirtatious and light hearted and now it was laced with a very subtle envy – the kind a girl could spot while her boyfriend would insist it was merely a figment of her paranoid imagination.

Jude shook her head thinking back to their cushion shopping trip which now seemed so long ago. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "He doesn't have one but we're working on that."

"Celebrity crush?" Susan asked, raising one eyebrow ever so slightly as her gazed flitted across Jude's face, searching any sign of irritation.

Jude widened her eyes innocently, "Why me of course," to which both the reporter and Tommy laughed.

"Biggest fear?" Again she was scrutinizing the two as Jude contemplated her answer and Tommy jiggled his knee nervously, drumming his calloused fingers on his knee.

Jude glanced at Tommy briefly, noticing the way he looked away uncomfortably, "Sometimes I think I know and then the rest of the time I realize I have absolutely no idea," she answered honestly.

They flew through the other minor questions without any problems until they reached the last, "Most memorable moment?"

"Um," Jude paused, racking her brain for the correct answer but finding her mind going blank. "I guess the same as me," she finally supplied. She gave the answer because she knew it was right for the interview but in her mind she was still wondering what the true answer really was.

"So the two of you met after Jude won Instant Star, right?" Susan asked, setting the sheet of questions down next to her as she got a little more comfortable on the sofa, settling into the 'chatting' stage of the interview.

"Uh-huh," Tommy leaned back against the sofa, folding his hands behind his head, "Portia, the then owner of G-Major, was a friend of mine and asked me if I could produce for this new young prodigy they'd signed."

"So what was your first impression of Jude?" Susan asked with a curious smile.

"Oh no," Jude murmured, covering her face with her hands in embarrassment that wasn't staged for the interview.

Tommy chuckled, "Fiery," he said quickly, "Strong willed and passionate - two very attractive features."

Jude tilted her head sideways to look at him, her cheek resting on the palm of one hand, "You're such a sugar coater," she remarked with a feigned eye roll.

In response to Susan's curious glance Tommy explained, "She didn't seem to like very much at first which was… alarming really."

"And Jude: what was your first impression?" Susan asked, scribbling down a few notes.

"Um," Jude chewed on her bottom lip, "Well my first impression of Tommy was before we met, you know; Boys Attack days and all. I wasn't really a fan-"

"There's an understatement," Tommy inserted.

"Right," she continued, "but first impression actually knowing him as himself and not 'Little Tommy Q'," she drew quotation marks in the air, "was at first a little bossy and scary, actually a lot bossy but he grows on you. If he lets you actually get to know him." Her gaze drifted away from their group and to a distant window as she contemplated her own statement. 

Tommy wasn't allowing her to know him, not completely and maybe that was fair. She was definitely keeping him at arms length in at least one respect and why shouldn't he be able to do the same?

Susan asked about their first date and they exchanged an insider smile before sharing, one offering a sentence and the other jumping in to elaborate or accentuate. It was a slow process but the picture was painted perfectly and by the end Susan was grinning from ear to ear as she scribbled in her notebook.

"So what are your plans for the future?" she asked.

"Good question," Tommy scratched his head thoughtfully, "We're really going to have to start baby proofing the house. There's some definite shopping to be done."

"Are there any wedding bells in the future?"

He went pale and Jude burst out laughing, causing Susan to frown. "Sorry," Jude explained, choking back her laughter, "I'm a big believer in marriage and I'd never planned to be in my current situation without the security of a marriage but right now we're both just a little overwhelmed as is," she glanced sideways at Tommy when Susan wasn't looking, sticking her tongue out at him cheekily for a second and successfully banishing the stricken look on his face to be replaced with a smile.

"Tommy," Susan continued, "Why do you love Jude?"

It was Jude's turn to go pale as she glanced away uncomfortably. She instantly felt guilty for putting Tommy in this situation, to ask him to lie like he was and to formulate a convincing answer in such a short amount of time.

"I think the root of our connection is music," he said without any awkward pause or scrambling for words, "we always seem to come back to that. But I love how sincere she is in everything she does. I love her optimism and exuberance and hope neither departs with age. I love how she gets me and the little things like the way she crinkles her nose when she laughs, how she plays with her hair when she nervous and when she's talking to you; how she makes you feel like you're the only thing that matters in this world. She's what was missing in my life. I think I missed her before I knew her and with her in my life the future looks so much brighter."

There was a long moment's silence after that. Susan's felt a tugging in her chest and the prickle of tears behind her eyes at his words. She longed for someone to say those things about her. She instantly fixed her gaze on Jude, gauging her reaction and wishing to somehow vicariously feel what she was feeling at this moment. She noted the way Jude was fiddling with her hair, eyeing the ends of the strands as if searching for split ends. Her hunched shoulders and hair falling around her face somehow resembled someone hiding themselves. She seemed confused and Susan didn't understand that.

What was there to feel confused about? What was there to be but absolutely on Cloud 9?

---

Jude blinked wearily in the bright lights as she moved onto the photography stage lined with bright curtains set up in a corner of the room. She smiled nervously at Tommy as he joined her and squeezed her hand so quickly no one else noticed as he moved past her.

The photographer introduced himself and chatted casually, occasionally flirting; Jude was alarmed by the fact that she couldn't tell if he was flirting with her or Tommy. Eventually he gave some instructions and they got into position for the first shot.

Tommy stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist and resting on her hands which were in turn resting on her belly. "You know," he whispered into her ear as the photographer snapped the photo and motioned for a new pose, "the ultrasound was pretty amazing but I'm thinking about another unforgettable moment right now."

"Oh yeah?" She turned to face him, wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders as the turned and smiled for the camera, "What?"

He leaned forward to whisper in her ear and she turned her face to the camera, smiling shyly as the photograph was taken. "Yesterday in the studio," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear.

"Oh?" she raised her eyebrows, "when we finished recording 'White Lily?'" she smiled cheekily then leaned her head on his shoulder as they adopted a new pose.

"Well while you and I might find satisfaction in playing back a track after hours of time in front of a microphone and soundboard respectively, I don't think that's what the fangirl readership of this magazine really wants," he suggested as they turned to face one another again.

"Right," she nodded, "and it's important to give fangirls what they want right?"

He nodded, stepping closer to her, "_Very_. I can't stress it enough. They can be rabid and terrifying creatures."

"Okay then," she remarked with an unusual surge of confidence, "then we should totally recreate your most memorable moment, for the fangirls right?"

"Anything for the fangirls," he whispered. He traced her lips with his thumb, slowly gliding it down to her chin, parting her lips slightly as it slipped across her bottom lip. The camera flashed, catching the moment and then he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

Jude was aware of the cameras flashing repeated times as they 'posed' in the kiss; first his hand running through her hair, and then hers sliding up his chest and around his neck.

"Perfection," the photographer interrupted a few seconds later as he stepped out from behind his camera. "You two are obviously old pros at this." 

Blushing, Jude stepped back from Tommy and smiled at the cameraman. When she glanced back, Tommy was running a hand through his hair and looking away.

---

"So I think that went okay," Jude remarked with a smile as she and Tommy crossed the parking lot outside the photographer's studio. She sidestepped a puddle and slowly spun around, her dress whirling about her as the sunlight caught her hair, making it sparkle beautifully. Perhaps it was another pregnancy mood swing but for some reason in that particular moment she felt perfectly blissful and happy.

"Yeah, Darius should be pleased," he fished around in his pocket for his keys but Jude moved in front of him and took her hands in his. She smiled as she swung his arms from the left to the right.

"Smile," she whispered, "it won't hurt. I promise."

He tried to pull his hands away, "I really should get back to the studio and work on that new track."

"In good time," she agreed, refusing to let him go, "but right now you need to stop for a second, smile for me and realize that life isn't necessarily as dark as it is in your head right now."

He looked annoyed by her observation but she refused to be alarmed. Lacing her fingers through his she pulled him with her as she moved in a slow circle then pulled him toward her. Suddenly appearing more serious she tilted her head and gazed up at him searchingly, "I know something's going on with you and I know it has something to do with your mother calling the other day. I get that you don't want to talk about it okay? But I'm here and I care about you," she lifted her hand and gently caressed his cheek for a second before dropping her hand, "I'm here for you okay? You want to talk, you want to yell, want someone to break something with you; just say the word."

**Teasers for Chapter 40**

_"How dare you call here? After what you did?"_

"What I did? What about you, Dad?"

- - -

He didn't really remember his decision to go to the bar. One minute he'd been staring at the sparkling surface of the water and the next he'd been gazing into a glass of beer.


	40. Chapter 40: Wounds

_One new chapter. It isn't beta'd yet so sorry about any errors. You might remember I had to rush over to Australia just before Christmas because my Aunt was ill. She died a couple of days after I arrived (three days before Christmas) and I haven't really been writing as much as I'd like. I'm actually kind of suffering writers block on both stories but I'm still trying._

Please comment. Hearing from you all is always inspiring. 

**Chapter 40: Wounds**

Tommy glanced at the bland face of the kitchen wall clock, gauging the time Jude had been out running errands and attempted to guess how long he had until she returned. The minute hand slowly moved forward, like a child dragging his feet on the way to the Principal's office. Time was moving too slowly. He wanted the clock to indicate that her return would be momentarily but the stark reality was that he had an hour at least. He had plenty of time to pick up the phone and make that dreaded phone call to his mother.

He stared at the wooden tabletop, tracing the grain with his index finger as he sighed slowly. He could hear the faint sounds of a normal Thursday afternoon on the street below. Puffy white clouds were flitting across the sky like escapees from some child's cartoon, dogs were barking, children were laughing, he could hear a lawn mower in a nearby park, a car break screaming in the distance, a horn, even a siren somewhere. Life was continuing just as it always did while people faced personal crises, lost loved ones and struggled to face past demons and regrets.

He suddenly shoved his chair back, the legs squealing as they rushed across the linoleum. The chair tilted dangerously as he stood, almost tipping before righting and falling back to the ground in it's normal standing position. He didn't pay any mind as he walked into the next room and picked up the phone.

His fingers were actually shaking as he dialed in the familiar old number - three numbers to go… two… one. He clutched the receiver to his ear as the dial tone droned through the line. The palm of his hand was perspiring and the receiver almost slipped from his hands as he jumped in fright at the gruff voice that spoke into the silence.

"Hello?"

Tommy gasped for breath. A familiar sense of panic overwhelmed him with the instant recognition of his father's voice. Suddenly he was a small child hiding under a table, listening to screaming and fearing for his life.

"Put Mom on," he finally managed to gasp out. He'd want to sound firm and confident but his voice came out small and shaky, strangely familiar but long since forgotten.

There was a long pause as information was processed. He could hear his father breathing down the line, short angry breaths. "How dare you call here after what you did?"

He closed his eyes, feeling his heart beat race and indignation begin to boil. "What I did?" He asked calmly, "What about you Dad?"

"I got help. I acknowledged my problem," his response was sputtering, flustered as if something in him acknowledged his hypocrisy though as his stupid pride and anger shoved it away.

"So I have a problem?" Tommy's voice was rising, even as he willed himself to stay calm. "What's that? I cared about my family? Or that I was the only one not willing to stay and play your punching bag?"

"You left for a life of vanity, promiscuity and alcohol."

"Ah, we're back at that again; the evils of rock and roll."

"Because it worked for you, right; a new country, a new arrest, drunken brawls, loose women and such depth in your lyrics," he spoke with such contempt, "All the things they said about you, those stories in the tabloids, my son - nothing but an embarrassment." 

The words stung far more then he would have ever admitted.

"You're the dictionary definition of a hypocrite, you know that? I mean, you're so deluded you pretty much redefine the word." 

"Something's missing Tom, in this family," he paused, his voice shaking with anger, hatred and pain, "and you're the one to blame."

Tears were welling in Tommy's eyes as he put a hand to his head and turned toward the windows, desperately wishing he could go back to a few minutes ago, to focus on the sounds of the outside world and forget everything else. "I was trying to help her," he whispered, his voice breaking.

"Good job with that!"

He exhaled slowly, pushing aside his emotion, bottling them up like he always did. A second or two passed and then he spoke like the man he was now; strong, "Just put Mom on."

"Go to hell!" There was a loud click as the receiver was slammed down and Tommy was left clutching his own receiver, at the end of a dead call and a dead relationship with all his memories and wounds newly reopened and hurting like hell.

---

Tommy stood by the Hummer in the G-Major parking lot later that afternoon. He'd left the house shortly after his phone call and before Jude's return, having just remembered a recording session he'd scheduled with Naught Eighty Six. He kicked at one of the tires, his father's words still rung in his ears as clearly as when they'd first been spoken. He didn't know what he'd expected from the call but that hadn't been it.

His gaze drifted to the G-Major entrance. The last thing he felt able to bear was being cramped into the editing booth without windows or sky or any chance of escape.

He opened the Hummer door and leapt in before common sense or logic could convince him otherwise. A moment later he was roaring out of the parking lot and out onto the crowded street.

---

Jude was surfing a pregnancy website, alternating between scribbling down notes regarding her final trimester and wincing her way through descriptions of the birthing process. The phone rang shrilly and she let out a startled cry, due both to the surprise of the sound and the video she'd found on the site of one woman's labor.

"Hello?" She asked, willing her heartbeat to return to normal.

"Jude, is Tommy there?" she recognized Darius disgruntled voice.

She frowned, glancing at the clock on the corner of the computer screen. "No, he left for work over an hour ago."

She held the phone away from her ear as Darius muttered and swore.

"I'm sure something must have come up," she supplied weakly.

"Oh yes, I'm sure," he grumbled sarcastically, "How did that People thing go the other day?"

"I think it went well."

"I'm getting a prerelease sent before the issue hits stands," he explained, "so it better. I'll see you in the studio tomorrow," and with that he hung up.

She stood up and pressed the end call button then quickly dialed Tommy's number as she paced around the room. She was instantly taken to voice mail, signifying his phone had been turned off.

---

Tommy's attention was lost in the glass of beer before him as he gazed down at the murky liquid, his head bent forward painfully. He was almost convinced he could find the secret's of the Universe hidden somewhere in it's golden brown depth, perhaps if he just looked long enough.

He'd been pacing himself, determined not to go down that familiar slippery slope again and get himself rip roaring drunk. He'd only had a few drinks… hadn't he? Besides, he'd been here for hours… the earlier drinks must have worn off by now.

After leaving G-Major he'd gone to the wharf. He'd sat at the edge of the Pier and tossed pebbles out into the water he though back on his life and the last time he'd seen his parents. He watched as the stones broke the surface, causing shock waves to radiate away from them, marring the water's surface until it finally settled to a glassy surface reflecting the clouded sky above.

He could perfectly remember the airless hospital waiting room, the smell of antiseptic and the bright glare of the white walls. Worst of all the memories was the pain on his mother's face. He'd thought he'd escaped from her pain, thought he'd never have to feel so helpless as he watched her suffer and could offer no help, no apologies that meant enough.

He didn't remember his decision to go to the bar. One minute he'd been staring into the sparking surface of the water and the next he'd been gazing into a glass of beer.

The voices in his head were only getting louder with time and drowning them out wasn't proving effective. His father's words were in the foreground, dredging up past guilt and making him second guess himself and his life. He thought of Jude and felt ill. He couldn't bear to ruin her life too.

He wasn't going to drive. Regardless of his own conviction that he hadn't drunk _that_ much, he wasn't willing to get behind the wheel. Never again willing to do that…

That was why when Kwest appeared at the door even the impending scolding came as a relief when combined with the prospect of getting home.

"What the hell are you thinking, Tom? Darius is living and Jude is freaking out! She things you must have been hit been in a car wreck or something."

"Not funny," Tommy snapped, glaring at him.

"Right, sorry," he winced as Tommy ordered another beer and soon a round of shots – tossing aside all his inhibitions and letting himself go. He should have put his foot down but whenever he tried that it generally ended up blowing up in his face.

Tommy was independent to a fault.

---

Jude threw aside her rug and put the movie she'd been watching on pause as loud knocking sounded at the apartment door. She peered through the peephole, gasped and pulled the door open quickly.Kwest was standing with a dark haired man Jude had never seen before. Between the two of them with his arms slung over their shoulders as they supported his weight was an unconscious Tommy. Jude rushed forward and tilted up Tommy's head, which had been hanging forward limply. She placed a hand on his clammy cheek then checked his temperature while asking Kwest, "What happened?"

"He just drank a little too much. He's fine." He motioned for Jude to step aside as he and his companion began to half carry, half drag Tommy inside. "This is Jake by the way," Kwest motioned to the other guy, "He's a friend of Tommy and mine."

Jude nodded a greeting to Jake though her attention was on Tommy. "I don't get it. I've never seen him drink like that." By this point Jake and Kwest had gotten Tommy halfway down the hallway to his bedroom.

Jake laughed though the sound wasn't happy or amused, more like bitter or sad, "It's practically tradition this time of year."

Jude noticed Kwest shoot him a warning look. "What is it?" She asked.

Kwest sighed and hefted Tommy up again as he began to slump forward, muttering some unintelligible words in his drunken sleep. "We've all got issues, right? We've got things we live with and keep to ourselves. Tommy's no different and it's not really my place to say anything."

Jude glanced from Kwest to Tommy then to Jake questioningly, hoping he'd shed more light on the situation but his lips were now firmly sealed as he glanced away nervously.

She ran ahead into Tommy's room and pulled down the blankets on his bed, tossing aside some clothes that had been randomly deposited on the surface before Kwest and Jake lowered Tommy down.

"I'm sorry about this," Kwest told Jude as she saw them out. "He'll have a massive hang-over in the morning."

She leaned against the door as they paused before walking down the hall. "Thanks for bringing him home."

After they left she returned to Tommy's room. She paused in the doorway before taking a fortifying breath and walking over to the unconscious figure on the bed. She gazed down at his face, watching his eyelids flicker as he frowned in his sleep and tossed his head from side to side. He lifted one arm as if to push away something standing in front of him before dropping it to the bed with a muttered comment.

Jude walked around to the base of the bed and pulled off his shoes then slid his arms out of his jacket. Sliding an arm under his back she pulled him forward with much difficulty just long enough to slide the bulky leather jacket out from him. He was wearing a black shirt and denim jeans which she knew would be uncomfortable to sleep in but then she wasn't going to do anything about those. She and Tommy had gotten a lot more comfortable around each other in recent months but not _that_ comfortable. She pulled the covers up around his shoulders and glanced at him one last time before leaving the room.

- - -

Jude watched through the glass doors of the recording booth as Tommy and Darius argued in the hall. She felt as if she'd been walking on egg shells all day, avoiding Tommy's cranky hung-over mood and waiting for the right moment to bring up the events of yesterday.

She felt nervousness welling up inside her as she took in his angry expression and wild motioning as he and Darius argued. He'd been in the wrong when he didn't show up the day before but his current attitude and mood didn't lent to admitting that.

A few moments later Darius stalked off and Tommy returned to the sound booth, slamming the door behind him.

"Maybe we shouldn't record today?" Jude suggested meekly, clutching her guitar to her as if for moral support.

He leaned forward to press the intercom button, his voice clipped, "Why?"

"Because you don't seem in the right mood," she suggested, raising her eyebrows defiantly. 

"There's only two tracks to go," he explained, "Liam wants this done so he can clear up studio time."

"Fine," she strummed a few chords on the guitar then glanced up as he watched him fiddle with the switches and prepare the system, frowning the whole time.

- - -

"Stop screaming at me," Jude yelled, striding away from the microphone and walking over to the glass panel that separated her and the angry figure standing in the sound booth. They'd been recording for over an hour and Tommy's mood had worsened with each passing minute. 

"I'll stop screaming when you get the freaking song right!" He switched the microphone on permanently and stepped back from the booth, kicking his chair over. It crashed into the wall, it's legs flying through the air like stiff hands reaching out for help.

"Get over yourself," she seethed, "I'm not the problem, the song isn't the problem – it's you."

He spun around, leaning on the soundboard like a panther ready to pounce as his eyes met hers through the glass. There were only a few feet of glass and sound equipment between them but it somehow seemed as if there was nothing. She could almost feel his breath on her neck, the sweet scent of his breath as he swore at her.

"You want to go there? The song is crap! It's naïve and childish. Guess what Jude? The world isn't like that! Life isn't like that! People don't hurt one another like that and then just _get over it_. People are going to laugh when they hear it."

She recoiled as if slapped. An angry response began to bubble out of her then suddenly the words vanished into the darkness that was gathering around them, leaving her with nothing but a wounded gasp and an indignant flash in her eyes.

"What are you trying anyway - some kind of self medication to deal with Daddy rejecting you, some justification or excuse to cover for the fact that you screwed up? Gosh Jude, look at yourself," his gaze flittered over her judgingly even as his mind screamed at him, '_What are you doing?_' It wasn't true, he didn't mean it but it kept spilling out.

"Stop!" She was trying to sound firm but her voice was shaking. Anger washed over her, burning away the tears that had been threatening to fall so quickly she almost expected to see steam drifting from her eyeballs. "Just stop it or I swear you're going to regret it." Her eyes met his, challenging him, warning him, _begging_ him to stop attacking her and bring back the man she cared so much about.

He was silent for a long moment, almost panting with anger before he finally shoved away from the board and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

**Teasers for Chapter 41:**

_She sighed and slowly sat up, tucking the duvet around her chin and resembling some human/turtle mutant as she gazed at him with reproachful blue eyes. "Is this some charming new facet of your personality I should expect to see regularly? Cause I'm not sure I like the idea."_


	41. Chapter 41: Forever

_Wow, I haven't updated in forver. Thanks so much for bearing with me. I've been really busy. Anyway, here's a new chapter. I hope you like it. _

I've included the People article. Note that when I first wrote the interview I wasn't actually planning on writing the interview but then you guys requested it. There's a few more quotes in the article that weren't in the interview so just imagine it went a little longer and there were parts I didn't cover (maybe after the photo shoot).

Please comment and sorry about the cliffhanger ending. 

**Chapter 41: Forever**

The silence of the studio screamed at Jude condemningly, long after Tommy departed. She tried to sit there and be productive by writing, a spiral notebook clutched in her hand but the room seemed to expand and contract, stifling her and suffocating as his words echoed tauntingly in her mind.

Eventually she left and searched out her Janitor's closet. There it was quiet and comforting though it smelt of mold and cleaners. She tried to clear her mind, sorting fact from fiction in the man she knew. That wasn't Tommy. He hadn't meant it. She knew that somehow, that she should forgive him, help him, but the wound was smarting and the altercation had shaken her.

She felt small and scared, like her world had been knocked from it's axis and one wrong motion could send everything crashing around her. She'd though she'd grown so strong but the thought of loving Tommy terrified her. Was it really strength if it only existed when he was there beside her?

Time passed, the hands on her watch seemed to spin at super speed as an hour, then two of self admonishment, pep talks and pleading took place. She penned a poem then tweaked it into a song and finally found the courage to leave her cave-like closet.

Sadie was passing by in the hall as the door creaked open and she stopped to watch it nervously, half expecting Freddy Kruger or a Telly-Tubby to leap out – whichever was scariest. "Jude?" she creaked, searching her sister's ashen face, "What are you doing?"

"Bonding with a mop, you got a problem with that?" Jude asked, pulling her hair out of her face and tucking her notebook into her pocket.

Sadie tucked a strand of long blonde hair behind her air and arched an eyebrow, "Everything okay in paradise?"

"Oh, you know," Jude brushed dust from her jeans and pulled her hair up of her neck, "My Prince Charming has been replaced by the Grinch but other then that…"

"Come on," Sadie said as she put an arm around her sister, "Lets go get some milk and cookies and talk about it."

- - -

Tommy returned from work late that afternoon after having spent most of the day - post verbally attacking Jude - hiding out in his office. He parked his car and nervously watched the numbers climb in the elevator then finally reached their apartment. It was silent and dark, beams of moonlight casting creepy shadows on the floor as he tiptoed to his room.

He flicked on the light and shrugged of his jacket then paused in front of the mirror. He couldn't look his reflection in the eye without flinching and his gaze dropping to his feet. There was a long forgotten person looking back at him from the mirror – someone he really didn't like.

He attempted a shower to distract himself but the moment he turned on the water and ran his hand under he stopped, tossing aside his towel as he marched to Jude's door. He paused and tapped lightly.

Inside and tucked tightly in her bed, Jude pulled her duvet up tighter around her face and remained quiet. She felt like a child ignoring their parent when they arrived to pick them up early from a sleepover. 

"Jude! I know you're awake. The water's stilling running warm in the shower and there's no way you feel asleep that quickly." He paused, waiting for a response, his ear practically pressed to the door in hope of detecting any response. When none came he only momentarily contemplated leaving and respecting her space before he pushed the door open and crept inside.

Jude glared at the wall in front of her, painfully aware of his presence behind her, despite the fact that he hadn't made a sound. The duvet was pulled over her nose and she was slowly suffocating though she didn't dare pull it away for fear of giving her conscious state away. The whole oxygen deprivation situation was very much robbing her intentions of breathing deeply, consistently and convincingly like someone asleep.

"I'm sorry okay?" She felt the bed dip with his weight as he sat down. "I didn't mean any of it. It wasn't you I was mad at. Everything I said… it was for me, not you."

He sighed, hating himself for having hurt her and once again having put a wall between them. "Please?"

He reached out and gently ran a hand down the side of her face, from her forehead to her chin, his touch feather light as it tickled the sensitive skin. She flinched then reached up and shoved his hand away, took the opportunity to pull down the duvet down to her neck and gasped for air.

"Right," he said softly, trying not to take the rejection so personally, "So if I hadn't been sure you were awake – that right there proved it."

She sighed and slowly sat up, tucking the duvet around her chin and resembling some human/turtle mutant as she gazed at him with reproachful blue eyes. "Is this some charming new facet of your personality I should expect to see regularly? Because I'm not sure I like the idea."

He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip, biting hard enough to almost draw blood, taking out his anger at himself _on_ himself just as he should have done earlier that day. "It's not me."

She continued to gaze at him somewhat disbelievingly, "You sure about that?"

He shook his head emphatically and she had to stifle her laughter. He looked so much like an imploring animated puppy in a children's film that it was hard to stay mad.

"So what brought it about?" she almost didn't expect an answer.

He was silent for a moment, his eyes on the bed. He sought out her foot through the blanket and lifted it up onto his lap as he gently rubbed and massaged it through the sheet. "I spoke to my father," he finally said. The use of the word father was entirely intentional. He couldn't associate 'Dad' and any of the positive thoughts associated with it with the man who had contributed to his creation.

Jude waited in silence, wanting to know more but knowing if she pushed _he_ would become the turtle and duck back into his armored shell.

He shrugged disparagingly, "it didn't go well."

It was all he was willing – no, it was all he was _able_ to say at that point but it was enough.

"Okay," she said quietly, leaning forward and placing her hand over his, "okay."

- - -

"Tommy!" Jude yelled with a combination of urgency, excitement and fear as she ran into the apartment and slammed the door behind her early the next morning. It's here! A courier just delivered it! Oh Jimbles! I'm so nervous."

Tommy raced into the room. He'd been towel drying his hair in the bathroom and the towel fell to the floor behind him, abandoned and dejected as he raced over to Jude. She tore open the manila envelope and pulled out the glossy magazine which featured a bold image of the two of them gazing adoringly at one another. "**Jude and Tommy: A fairytale for the 21st century**," the headline read.

She took Tommy's arm as she continued to stare at the cover and lead him over to the sofa. She was actually shaking as she sat down and began to flip through the magazine until she found the spread. They sank back on the sofa, neither really noticing when Tommy casually flung his arm around Jude's shoulder and they snuggled in to read.

_Forget Britney, Lindsay and Jamie-Lynn; Jude Harrison and Tommy Quincy are the celebrity scandal on everyone's lips. You're bound to know the story by now: the two have been engaged in a secret relationship and I'm not talking Artist/Producer. The whole thing came to light recently when seventeen-year-old Jude announced she was pregnant._

Oh my.

We sat down with the hot young duo to discuss how their fairytale came about, how they really feel about each other and their plans for their family.

"The root of our connection is music," Tom Quincy remarked but that came as no surprise to us. Our ears have been reaping the benefits of these two's collaboration for two years now. Jude's last two singles shot to #1 and everyone is waiting with baited breath for her upcoming third album.

"We could bicker for an entire day about anything," Jude chimed in, "from the color of the sky, his car, what we should name our kid and we'll get so peeved we'd barely be speaking and then we get to the studio and instantly it's all forgotten. It's like you're suddenly on this higher plain and you see how insignificant your little spats really were."

Spats? Fighting for an entire day? Are these common things in the Quincy-Harrison household?

"We have our moments but it's all lighthearted really," Tommy remarked with a laugh as he shot a sideways glance at Jude who faked a grimace then giggled, "We're both passionate and opinionated but when it comes to the big things, the important things, we tend to agree. We're really a lot more alike then people realize."

Upon arrival at our interview I was under the impression that the two were engaged in one of those spats at that very moment. Tommy arrived late and the two were awkward during the first stage of our interview; from sitting down (they didn't particularly seem to want to sit next to one another though a truce was soon called) to answering some of my more intimate questions. They did warm up, however, and delivered some heart fluttering lines.

"I love how sincere she is in everything she does," Tommy gushed when asked why he felt so passionately toward Jude, "I love her optimism and exuberance and hope neither departs with age. I love how she gets me and the little things like the way she crinkles her nose when she laughs, how she plays with her hair when she nervous and when she's talking to you; how she makes you feel like you're the only thing that matters in this world. She's what was missing in my life. I think I missed her before I knew her and with her in my life the future looks so much brighter."

Wowsers! Give me a guy who can deliver a line like that any day. Tommy; you had me at sincere!

"We're having a girl," Jude declared happily, shortly after revealing the moment she first saw her daughter on ultra sound was the most memorable and happy moment of her life. "We've got no idea what we're going to call her yet and I think really the reality of the situation hasn't entirely settled in yet."

"We're really going to have to start baby proofing the house," Tommy remarked and Jude watched with interest as he spoke, "There's some definite shopping to be done. In fact I'm thinking we should move altogether. Our current place is something of a bachelor pad and it really isn't kid appropriate. We don't have room for a nursery and I can't help but feeling like our daughter deserves a house with a fireplace, backyard and a sandpit. The whole kid works."

I must admit some level of skepticism at times. I'm pretty good at reading people, especially celebrities who are often aloof and place their acting skills to good use to throw me but there was something about Jude and Tommy that kind of threw me though I can't figure what it was. They adore each other, as much is obvious but there's something under the surface, I'm certain of it. Chatting with the two of them was like reading the spine of a good romance novel (and I'm not talking trashy drug store romancoe) but not having the time to delve into the actual book. There's more under the surface and I somehow suspect it's could be the most intriguing story of all. 

It can't be easy being them because the reality of this situation is this fairytale is no fairytale at all or perhaps it's just the 21st century version, a story for a new and cynical generation. Though we couldn't receive a statement from either party it is said that Jude and her parents have been estranged since her announcement. She's living with Tommy and though the Paparazzi regularly catch Jude's sister visiting there have been no sign of any other family members.

"A lot of people don't approve," Jude spoke with a certain sadness in her eyes, "and quite frankly I don't blame them. This situation is less then ideal and I'm not proud to be in it but I'm trying to make the most of the position I've put myself in and I guess all I can really ask is that people respect that. Right now that really is all I can offer." At this point in the interview Tommy placed a protective hand over Jude's and something passed between the two that I once again couldn't place.

This could be love people. This could be the real thing. I've heard say it could be even better. One thing for certain – these two have won my heart. Can you ship a real life couple? Well, I don't care. I'm a Jommy shipping fangirl through and through!

"Is that bad?" Jude asked as she let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, "I mean the bit where she didn't believe us."

Tommy ran a hand through his hair and shrugged, "I don't know. She seems a little… ditzy in the article. Maybe people will think she's being overly imaginative?"

Jude frowned, unconsciously scrunching her nose adorably as she asked, "Do you think Darius will?"

He sighed, "Not likely."

- - -

Jude yawned early the next morning as she sat down across the kitchen table from Tommy. He was pouring over the realty section of a newspaper, a change from his normal music and business pages and without looking up handed her the hot chocolate that had been sitting next to his coffee. She smiled in appreciation.

"What are you reading?" she asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. She leaned forward to get a look at the paper.

"Real Estate," he stood up and moved his chair around the table next to hers and flipped the paper around so they could read it together.

"You were serious about that?" her eyes scanned the pages of houses available in nearby suburbs, "I didn't think Little Tommy Q was exactly ready for Suburbia…"

"_Little Tommy Q_ is ready for anything. It's a skill he's found wise to adopt since you moved in."

"Along with referring to himself in the third person apparently," she shot a sideways smile in his direction then pointed to a house in the top right corner, "I like this one."

He leaned forward and read the description while she watched him silently, her mind churning into motion at the reality of the situation, "four bedrooms, two bathrooms, double garage and pool," he nodded, "sounds good."

He noticed a change in her demeanor and turned to her, "What is it?"

"I don't want you to do this… for me," she glanced away, "This is your home, and you shouldn't have to change your life so drastically because of me."

"I want to."

"You're so kind to me but this is my responsibility. I don't think we're sending a good message living together anyway. I'm too scared to be alone before the baby but maybe when it comes to dirty diapers and sleepless nights I should get out of your hair."

"Or maybe you'll need me more then ever," he closed the newspaper and stood up. He wasn't mad… exactly, more frustrated by her constant refusal to see and take what he was offering. Why was it we so despise the traits in others that are also so strong in us?

Jude was independent – to a fault.

- - -

"I'm sorry," Jude said as she walked into the living room where Tommy was sitting on the sofa, reading over some song lyrics. "I keep trying to be strong, to not take you for granted and I just end up coming off insensitive and ungrateful."

He put the papers down and motioned for her to sit next to him on the sofa. She gnawed on her bottom lip thoughtfully then opted to sit on the coffee table in front of him so they could look at each other face to face. 

"You're just not hearing me," he pointed out, reaching out to take one of her hands in the two of his, "you're not asking anything of me, you're not forcing yourself and your daughter on me, you're not doing anything wrong. I want this." 

"You say that now but feelings change," she pointed out gently.

"Not this one," he shook his head, "You're not the only one who loves this baby. Jude, I want to be her father; I want to adopt her and I want my name to be on her birth certificate. I want to help you change diapers and get up in the middle of the night to feed her. I want to help her take her first steps, to drive her to school her first day. I want to eyeball and threaten her boyfriends and I want to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. If you'll let me I'm in this. I'm in this forever."

Tears were welling in Jude's eyes. They were always close to the surface at the strangest times thanks to the chemical imbalances and hormonal surges in her body but at that particular moment they had nothing to do with any of that. "I don't know what to say," she whispered. 

"Say yes," he responded equally softly, squeezing her hand a little tighter.

**Teasers for Chapter 42**

_"For all intents and purposes he's your Baby Daddy. You're going to be together for life one way or another. You adore one another. The world thinks its reality so why isn't it?"_

"We're not like that," she shook her head, "we're just friends."

"No," Sadie shook her head, smiling confidently, "You're not."


	42. Chapter 42: Homes

_**AN: Sorry about the lack of updates lately. It isn't that I've lost interest in this story; I'm determined to finish it. I think I might be unconsciously stalling on reaching the conclusion because I'm going to be heartbroken when I finish. I've also been distracted with some things in my person life. Please don't give up on me though, this story will be completed! In fact the next chapters pretty much ready, already! **_

**Chapter 42: Homes**

Jude closed her eyes as Tommy's statement and unspoken question hung suspended in the air between them.

In her minds eye she saw his face the day he offered to pretend to be her child's father. She remembered her horror as her father physically and verbally attacked him when he bravely claimed a responsibility that wasn't his and a wrong he hadn't committed. She remembered his hand holding hers, just as it was now, when she saw her daughter for the first time and him holding back her hair when she suffered from morning sickness. She remembered the feeling of security of him standing right beside her when she told the world. Every act of support and caring, every moment he'd been more then a friend to her and her child flashed through her mind.

And then she opened her eyes and looked into the warm blue depth of his and nodded her head. In that moment she bound them together for a lifetime. In that moment she gave away the exclusive rights she'd had to a life that until then had just belonged to her. In that moment she gave her child something she lacked in her own life - a father. In that moment she shared the burden that had been resting on her shoulders and weighing her down. In that moment _they_ ceased being two lonely and lost people in a large uncaring world and became a family.

"Yes," she nodded her head again, "there's nothing I'd like more."

And then they were hugging and she was crying. In the back of her mind she realized she should be worried or second guessing her decision but she wasn't. It was almost as if she'd unconsciously made it a long time ago – when she'd stepped out of her parent's house and taken the hand that was offered her.

- - -

"Tommy is the baby's father," Jude declared happily when she and Sadie met up their favorite café for a girl's lunch. She sat down at an outside table as they waited for a waitress to bring them a menu. "From now on."

Sadie raised an eyebrow as she placed her purse underneath her seat, "tell me more."

Jude explained the conversation she and Tommy had had a few days earlier. She recounted his statement and earnestness and watched the smile grow on her sister's face.

"Wow, I must say the boys really exceeded my expectation these last few months," Sadie acknowledged with a nod, "That's really great Jude."

The waitress came and handed them menus. They poured over them in silence, food and the selection of food was something the Harrison family respected and honored – with silence. When they'd made their orders they sat back in their seats and enjoyed the warmth of the sun.

"What kind of Dad do you think he'll be?" Jude asked after a while. A car sped by on the street and she rolled her eyes as a guy wolf whistled at the two girls from the passenger window.

"A good one I hope."

"He can't be any worse a father then me as a mother," she cringed.

"Don't talk that," Sadie responded, her tone was almost bored as if the very idea were so ridiculous she wouldn't even bother investing much energy into discussing it, "You'll be a great mother. Everyone starts somewhere and just because you've started a little early doesn't mean anything. In some modern cultures and in other times women started having children as soon as they were physically able. It's only in our culture that childhood lasts so long…"

"Right," Jude looked out onto the street, squinting in the sunlight and smiling as she watched a young girl walking her poodle on the opposite side of the street. "University Sadie rears her gorgeous head. You took the class huh?"

Sadie flipped her hair jokingly, "I took every class and-"

"Aced them all," Jude finished for her, scrunching her face up jokingly.

Sadie pointed to her, "You've got that right."

The waitress returned with their food a few minutes later and they were silent for a few minutes after that as they ate until the initial hunger pangs had died down. Gradually the conversation returned. They discussed a night class Sadie had been taking and how exhausted she was trying to fit in school, G-Major and her budding relationship with Kwest. They gossiped about their colleagues and laughed over the SME boys latest antics.

"What do you think of Ashley?" Sadie asked.

"Ashley who?" 

"That girl from that Nought something band Tommy's producing."

"Nought Eight-Six," Jude corrected, earning a joking eye roll from Sadie. "I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders, "she's talented. I wish I could play the keyboard like that. The band is probably going to do really well. Darius will be pleased."

Sadie threw up her hands, "trust you to talk about her talent and her music."

Jude frowned, "What was I supposed to talk about?"

"Her looks," Sadie's eyes widened to emphasize her statement, "Jude, she's _gorgeous_."

Jude took a sip of her lemonade, "Yeah, she is but that'll only help with record sales and concert gigs."

"Aren't you a little jealous of her working so closely with Tommy?"

"_Fake_ boyfriend, Sadie." She pushed her food around on her plate aimlessly. She didn't want to be having this conversation. The truth she'd never admit was that Ashley did get to her. She was envious of the attention Tommy gave her and she didn't like the way Ashley constantly threw herself at him - he was only human and he was only male. He could cave to her blatant advances and if the wrong person found out Tommy and Jude's story would be majorly blown.

"Fake boyfriend, _real_ threat," Sadie was persistent, as usual.

Jude propped her chin up on her hand and gazed over Sadie's shoulder, "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay, new subject. Why 'fake' boyfriend?"

Jude's gaze moved to her sister's face and she purposely maintained a blank but questioning expression without acknowledging the question with an answer.

"For all intents and purposes he's your Baby Daddy. You're going to be together for life one way or another. You adore one another. The world thinks its reality so why isn't it?"

"We're not like that," she shook her head, "we're just friends."

"No," Sadie shook her head, smiling confidently, "You're not."

Jude tilted her head to the side and ran her hand across her forehead. She sighed, "It's complicated."

Sadie repeated her headshake, "_No_, it's not. Jude, I'm your sister; you can be honest with me of all people."

Jude sighed and lifted her index finger to her mouth, unconsciously nibbling on her fingernail nervously. Sadie reached over and pried her hand away from her mouth and raised her eyebrows, urging.

"I don't want to screw it all up," Jude blurted out. "Even if something is there like you say and I'm not saying it is, even if he wanted that and we don't know that he does," she raised her hands, silently stopping the arguments she could see welling up in Sadie's eyes, "even if it were all true what if it didn't work? What if we tried it and ended up breaking up and hating each other? At least now we're good and comfortable with each other. I don't want my daughter growing up with two parents that act like a hate filled divorced couple."

"I just don't see you two ever ending up like that," Sadie pointed out gently.

"I don't want to risk it," Jude whispered, "not now."

- - -

Jude was struggling with a paper grocery bag and her handbag as she fished inside it for her keys. She finally felt the satiny softness of the stuffed pink pig on her key ring and pulled the whole lot out with a triumphant cry. In the process her wallet fell out her bag and crashed to the carpeted floor beneath her. The keys still dangled in her hand, their happy clattering seeming to change to one of mocking glee as she eyed her wallet, tilting her head to the side and blowing her bangs away from her face as she exhaled in frustration. As her stomach had continued to grow she'd found her back less willing to bend; being able to touch her toes was a distant memory and bending to retrieve things from the floor was something she seldom did these days.

"Stay there then," she muttered to the wallet. She shoved her key into the lock angrily and turned the handle. In order to open the door and not drop her bag she backed into it to open it. Eyes still on her wallet to ensure it didn't sprout legs to match it's newfound attitude and run away, she continued her tirade, "just stay. I don't care, I really don't. I don't need- Ooof!" Her back connected with something soft but firm and she spun around to see a large man in a black suit hanging his coat beside the door. "Oh, hi," she murmured, blushing at the knowledge he'd overheard her. 

Tommy stuck his head around the corner, "Jude, you're home," he walked over, "here let me take that," he reached for the bag but she shook her head.

"Actually, this I can handle. Could you please be a sweetheart and get my wallet?" she pointed to the offending bright pink object on the hallway floor, refraining from shooting it a nasty glare simply because of their suited guest. Tommy retrieved the wallet while Jude set the grocery bag down on the hall table.

"Jude, this is Arthur Conway," Tommy explained, motioning to the suited man, "he's with a local real estate firm. He came by to show us a few houses. I called him this afternoon and it turned out he had a spare hour this afternoon. Sorry I didn't warn you. Your phone was off."

"Pleasure to meet you," Jude shook his hand, "I'll just put the groceries away then we can leave."

She scooped up the bag and accepted Tommy's apologetic smile as she walked into the kitchen. When the boy got an idea in his head he certainly moved fast.

- - -

Jude shaded her eyes with her hand from the afternoon sun as Arthur Conway, the Realtor drove along a tree lined suburban street. He slowed then pulled over in front of a quaint two story home painted an antique white. There was a balcony along the entire width of the second floor and a freshly mown lawn spread out toward them welcomingly.

"This is it," Conway remarked as he climbed out of the car.

Jude absentmindedly closed her door behind her as she gazed at the house then had to turn and close it again as it hadn't latched properly from the first halfhearted attempt. Tommy led her up the front path with a hand barely grazing the small of her back. Conway went ahead, babbling about the architect and the numerous varieties of trees in the back section.

"It's gorgeous," She whispered to Tommy. She spoke in hushed tones for fear of shattering the enchanting atmosphere that had surrounded the house. Everything appeared golden in the late afternoon sun but she was certain she'd find it just as warm and inviting in rain or snow.

"Would you like to see inside first or go around the back?" Conway asked.

She glanced at Tommy who shrugged to indicate it was up to her. "We're losing the light so I guess it would be best to see the back first," she answered.

"Of course, right this way."

Though it had been invisible from the road a small brick path ran along the front of the building. It was nestled between two flower beds, one that rested against the front porch and the other that separated the path and front lawn. The path led around to the back section, where a whitewashed five foot fence separated the front and back. The fence lined the entire back section though it was painted a dark green and managed to disappear into the trees, bushes and flowers that decorated the edges. Generally Jude found fences suffocating but this one felt protective.

The back was open with a large lawn and a pool to one side. There were three fruit trees evenly spaced at the very back and a clothesline was close to the house on the left, just beyond it was a barbeque area with an outdoor dining table.

"It's a really great space back here," Conway was saying, "you manage to keep the light all day. The trees are shading but not so much that it seems dark." He motioned to the house above them, "the master bedroom looks out back here as well as it's en suite. There's also a large window on the second floor of the landing that looks out onto the pool."

Tommy and Conway walked around the back section together, discussing numerous details here and there. The pool hadn't been fenced and Tommy was asking an estimate price. Jude walked over to the verandah and sat down on a swinging wicker chair. The scene before her was so picturesque and happy that she felt as if she could just close her eyes and drift off to sleep without a care in the world. Tommy glanced over at her and lifted a hand to wave slightly. She smiled back. He was standing beneath an apple tree, discussing the type of apple it grew and putting on a good show of having any clue about the varieties. The light crept through the branches above and pinpointed him like spotlight causing his skin to glow while Conway was in the dark a mere few feet away.

- - -

"Now watch out for the dog," Conway warned as he unlocked the back door. "He's quite ferocious."

Jude unconsciously backed toward Tommy who smirked and patted her shoulder reassuringly. As the door swung open Conway leaned down to intercept a small a small Fox Terrier who barreled toward them, yapping happily. Jude rolled her eyes as Tommy leaned forward and whispered into her ear.

"I know he's scary but just be brave, k?"

She punched him on the shoulder lightly before leaning forward as much as possible to pat the dogs head. He leapt up and rested his front paws on her knees, allowing her access to his ears.

Conway led them a large whitewashed kitchen, broad windows allowed in the last of the waning light, giving the room the same glowing atmosphere the front of the house had had when they arrived. The first floor hallway had an antique cozy feel with deep mahogany walls and a red carpet. A small laundry room was next door to the kitchen and a blue tiled bathroom was beyond that. Further down the hall was a spacious office, the door of which was just beneath the staircase. Opposite the foot of the staircase was a doorway leading into the living room. The current tenant had black leather sofas clustered together around a television set in one half of the room and other half featured a large dining table. An open fire place graced one external war with windows on each side.

The staircase was an antique with a rich wooden banister. The wooden steps felt steady beneath Jude's feet and she glanced briefly at the family portrait's lining the staircase as she climbed, imagining her own images there. Conway sped through the three minor bedrooms and their shared bathroom. The three bedrooms faced the street while the bathroom looked out onto the back yard. As Conway had promised the master bedroom looked out onto the backyard. One wall was comprised entirely of glass windows that began at waist height and extended up to the roof. The room was large enough to accommodate a king size bed, three seater sofa, armchair, television set and numerous other items. The walls were a pale lilac with white trim. Jude fell in love.

"You should definitely have this room," Tommy remarked softly as he leaned toward her and hope Conway wouldn't overhear. "There's lots of space for the babies cot."

"No," she hissed back softly, "it's the master bedroom. You should have it."

"Jude," he gave her a 'duh' expression, "it's lilac."

"Oh, what and you're too man for a lilac room?" She chuckled.

"Absolutely." 

The two smiled at one another silently, lost in some euphoric state of home buying, endless possibilities for the future and that wonderful feeling of belonging.

Conway coughed, reminding them for the first time that he was still present and obviously highly perplexed as to why the young couple was fighting over whom got exclusive rights to the master bedroom. "So, uh, you're interested in the house then?"

- - -

Jude slowly lowered herself down on one of the lobby sofas. It had been a couple of days since Jude and Tommy had visited the house which they'd instantly purchased. The previous day had been spent talking with lawyers and signing contracts. It made Jude's head spin. Her family had lived in the same house since before she was born and she'd never experienced the house buying process. It all happened so quickly, in fact they were moving in about a week.

"Hey Jude," Smiling, Kwest walked over to join her. She lifted a hand to wave then stifled a yawn. She hadn't slept much the night before; her daughter had tossed and turned and kicked regularly.

"So I hear you and Tommy got a house. In the 'burbs no less. I always wondered about the girl that would get Tommy Q to venture into Suburban life. I started to believe one didn't even exist." 

Jude raised her hands, palms up into the air as she shrugged. "Well it certainly took exceptional and unexpected circumstances, huh?"

He nodded, "it certainly did. Hey, do you want to hear Naught Eight-Six's first single?"

Her eyes widened, "It's done? Tommy didn't mention it."

"I guess he's been kind of distracted lately. Come on, it's in the studio." 

"Ugh, does that mean I have to get up?" She asked.

He smiled and offered her a hand, then pretended to be lifting a super weight as she got to her feet. "Very funny," she remarked, rolling her eyes.

Kwest sat her down at the soundboard with a set of headphones and began to reset the knobs and dials on the soundboard from the last recording session. A rich and sultry feminine voice drifted languidly from the speakers then swelled to a moving and passionate chorus.

"Whose this singing?" she asked, pulling one headphone away from her head so she could hear his answer.

"Ashley," he responded absentmindedly as he tugged at a tangled power cord.

"I thought she just played keyboard."

"Turned out she had a hidden talent," he remarked with a shrug, "She was shy about it but Tommy eventually got her to open up about it one night when they were working on the backup for one of the tracks."

"Just the two of them?" she asked, turning back to the soundboard and frowning as she awaited his answer.

"Yup, I guess the guys made her a little nervous."

"Yeah, I guess so," she fiddled with a sound dial on the board in front of her as the song drifted into a melancholy bridge and her mood, for whatever reason followed. "It was good of Tommy to spot it."

**Teasers for Chapter 43:**

_She shrugged, "I'm good like that; quite, subtle, discrete," she paused by him then tilted her head to the side, "I'm very discrete Tommy, just so you know."_

"Uh-huh," he turned back to the soundboard, confused by his statement but unable to ignore the nagging suspicion that he very much got what she was suggesting.


	43. Chapter 43: Temptation

Yay. I'm finally managing to get out of my writers block with this story.

Please comment!

**Chapter 43: Temptation**

Jude sat on an uncomfortable wooden chair in the corner of the G-Major lobby, a glass of soda in one hand. She watched as people milled about the room in their glamorous dresses and designer suits. It was the launch party to celebrate the release of Naught Eighty-Six's first single 'Secret Obsession' and Jude wasn't in the mood for a party. She sat back in her chair, shaking her glass in a circular motion so that the liquid and glass swirled around inside like a miniature whirlpool. The clinking of the ice hitting the side of the glass mingled with the din of voices and the distant sound of Ashley's tinkling laugh. Jude's eyes scanned the room and finally fell on the raven haired beauty. She was chatting with Aaron, the lead singer. With their matching good looks and sparkling white teeth they made quite an adorable couple and Jude found herself wishing they would hook up. She leaned forward slightly in her seat as Tommy walked over to the two and joined in the conversation. A moment or so later Aaron excused himself.

"Whoa there green eyes," Sadie's familiar voice admonished. Jude glanced up to see her sister standing beside her, one hand on her hip as she eyed Jude knowingly, "fake boyfriend, real jealousy huh?" She lowered her voice somewhat but Jude still glanced around nervously to ensure no one had heard.

"You're the one who said she was a threat," Jude remarked sulkily, "I was guarding my-" she paused as an intern passed by in earshot, "stuff," she finished with a casual shrug.

"Guarding what's yours, you mean?" Sadie pulled over another chair and sat down next to her.

"What's mine by appearance."

"What you say is yours," Sadie agreed.

"What everyone thinks is mine," Jude continued.

"What so totally _is_ yours." Sadie took a casual sip of her drink.

"Sadie!" Jude sat back suddenly, her soda sloshing over the side of her glass and spilling on her skirt. "Damnit!" she muttered, swiping at the darkened fabric.

"Gosh, you're so uptight," Sadie remarked with a giggle as she handed over a tissue. "You were just like this when you had that crush on Donny in Junior High."

Jude's eyes flashed as they fixed on her sister. "Give me that!" She snatched the glass from Sadie's hands and took a sniff then faked a choking cough at the strong smell of alcohol, "strong enough? You're drunk!"

Sadie snatched the drink back, "Just don't tell Dad." She flinched suddenly at the insensitivity of her statement and reminder that the last thing Jude would be doing was talking to their father, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Forget it," Jude stood up and carefully set her glass down on her seat. "I think I'm going to head home. I'm getting a headache."

"Do you need a ride?" Sadie asked, standing too.

Jude's eyebrows rose, "Can you even walk straight?"

Sadie tipped her head to the side and smirked, "Honey, I don't need to be able to walk straight," she raised a hand and waved to Kwest across the room. He nodded in acknowledgement and she began to motion to him to join her until Jude reached up and stilled her hand.

"It's fine. I'm just going to get a taxi. Could you tell Tommy I headed home?"

"Why not tell him yourself?"

Jude glanced across the room to where Tommy and Ashley were still talking. He was laughing at something she'd said while she smiled happily. "That's okay, he looks busy." 

- - -

  
Tommy wove through the crowded G-Major lobby, careful to not spill his glass of wine as he searched for Jude. He caught sight of Sadie's familiar blonde hair and paused to wait for her as she moved through the crowd as quickly as her stiletto heels would allow.

"Are you looking for Jude?" she asked.

He nodded, "I was worried she might be getting tired. She hasn't been sleeping much lately.

"She was so she went home about a half hour ago. She asked me to tell you."

"Oh," his shoulders visibly slumped and Sadie's eyebrows rose. She tapped her index finger against the side of her cocktail glass as she eyed him.

"Disappointed?"

He was looking over his shoulder but at her question he turned, "Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. I was hoping she was having a good time but I guess not."

She tiled her head to the side, "Uh-huh," she remarked in a very unconvinced tone. "You and I really need to have a heart to heart some time," she glanced at the crowd around her then just narrowly avoided being crashed into by a drunken dancer, "but this is _so_ not the place."

"Why do I get the feeling the only appropriate response to that statement is 'Uh-oh'?"

"Dear someday brother-in-law," she patted him on the shoulder and almost lost her balance as the world spun around her, "you know me so well." 

- - -

  
Tommy waved to Kwest as he escorted a very tipsy, happy and unwilling to leave Sadie to the exit. She shook her head; blonde hair twirling about her like a golden halo then tripped and almost hit the ground before he caught her. She must have said something because Kwest laughed then shook his head as he pulled her back to her feet and motioned to the door. Her shoulders fell and grudgingly she hobbled to the exit.

Tommy turned and made his way to the edge of the crowd. The glass or two of wine he'd had was going to his head and the pounding base in the music was beginning to make him feel a little woozy. He started down the mostly deserted corridor to the Studios then ducked into Studio B.

He stood by the soundboard, casually pushing a lever up to full then lowering it again as he yawned slightly. His head wasn't really in the party and he was busily trying to come up with a justifiable reason to excuse himself early. It was incredibly bizarre: little Tommy Q not only willing but wanting to leave a party well before midnight.

"Why are you hiding out in her all alone?" a female voice asked. He jumped in surprise then whirled around to see Ashley standing in the doorway. She smiled then quietly pushed the door shut behind her.

"I didn't hear you come in."

She shrugged, "I'm good like that; quite, subtle, discrete," she paused by him then tilted her head to the side, "I'm very discrete Tommy, just so you know."

"Uh-huh," he turned back to the soundboard, confused by his statement but unable to ignore the nagging suspicion that he very much got what she was suggesting. "Enjoying the party?" he asked, to deflect the conversation.

"Sure," she sat down on the edge of the soundboard, extending her long legs out into the center of the room. Her mini skirt showed a distracting amount of skin. "But it's too busy you know? I guess I prefer more intimate gatherings. Like this, just the two of us." She leaned over and ran her index finger down his arm, causing him to back away and raise his hands.

"Look, Ashley I-"

"Shh," she raised a finger to her lips, "don't worry about it okay? I won't tell Jude, I won't tell the guys. I know you're into me."

"I'm with Jude," he said firmly.

"I know and though I'd prefer it that doesn't have to change. She doesn't have to know. Come on Tommy, aren't you getting a little bored with the whole teenage thing? I mean she's probably gone home 'cause it was past her bedtime. Please," she rolled her eyes and laughed.

"She's pregnant. She's exhausted." Tommy argued, feeling anger flaring.

"She's boring," Ashley whispered huskily. She swooped over to him suddenly, taking hold of the collar of his jacket as she leaned close to him. "I'm not boring."

He shoved her away, a little harder then he'd meant but the reality of her so close to him actually made him feel a little sick. "I'm with Jude. I love Jude and I couldn't be less interested in what you're offering."

She folded her arms across her chest, eyes flashing, "I don't believe that."

"I don't care." He started walking toward the door but she called after him.

"If you're not bored with her yet you will be soon. Mark my words!"

His only response was the slamming of the studio door. She huffed angrily then kicked at one of the chairs of as she turned away from the door. 

- - -

  
Tommy hurried down the hallway and back to the crowded noise of the party – the last place he wanted to be. His goal was the exit and he intended to make his way to it as subtly and politely as possible. He heard a door close behind him and barely glanced over his shoulder to see Ashley leaving the studio. Rather then follow him she turned in the opposite direction, heading toward the darkness at the end of the hallway and perhaps a departure from the building via the alleyway exit. Darn, why hadn't he thought of that?

He did okay getting through the crowd. Time had passed, politeness had worn thin and people were starting to loosen up and drink more. The party was just getting started so to say and this would have been his favorite time under any other circumstance.

He was reaching for his coat by the lobby entrance when the doors swung open and man walked inside. Tommy barely glanced at him, not interested in making eye contact, sparking a conversation or anything else that would hinder his necessary escape.

"Tom Dutoir?" a male voice asked, "is that you?"

Unknown to Tommy the jacket slipped from his hand and drifted to the floor. He glanced up at the face which was both familiar and unfamiliar in a hazy distant memory kind of way. "Uh, do I know you?" He asked as the guy extended his hand and he reached forward to shake it.

"Joseph Tyme," the man said, nodding his head, "I went to school with your sister, back in elementary."

"Oh," Tommy nodded as recognition dawned and a array of memories flew forward in his mind. "Right. How are you?"

"I'm great. I was just in town for business and someone invited me to this party so I thought I'd check it out."

"That's great. Look, I was just-"

"I can't believe it's you," Joseph laughed, "You've gotten so much taller but then I guess so have I. Wow, it's been awhile. I was like, ten or something when I moved away. I remember the summer before I left Linda and I spent practically every waking hour together, and a lot of that time really pestering you if I remember correctly."

Tommy forced a polite laugh, "Yeah, I think I recall that."

"How is she anyway?" Joseph asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

His heart sank.

"Who?"

"Linda."

"Oh, uh," he scratched his head, trying to dispel the feeling of icy nausea that had taken over him. "Well, she's-"

"Tommy!" Darius familiar voice boomed from across the room. "Come over here, I need to introduce you to someone."

For once Tommy was glad to hear his boss's voice. He smiled politely at Joseph, "I'm sorry. Would you excuse me?"

"Hey, sure man."

"It was great seeing you again," Tommy said with a nod as he began to back away, "You uh, look great!" He waved; feeling pathetic even as he did so then was quickly lost in the crowd. 

- - -

Tommy leaned against a support beam, mostly hidden from the crowd as he nursed a glass of wine and kept an eye out for Joseph Tyme. He felt guilty even as he did so, remembering how close the boy and his sister had once been. He should have talked, he should have taken the offered walk down memory lane and ventured into some of his childhood memories that were actually happy but he couldn't bear the undoubted reality that was sure to come alone for the ride.

It was with some relief that he eventually noticed Joseph departing with one of the guys from Nought Eight-Six. The two were laughing and talking like old friends, reminding him once again, and not happily, what a small world it was.

He ventured back to the refreshment bar to get another wine, ignoring the fact that he could no longer remember which number it was.

**Teasers for Chapter 44**

_"How about you just go and sober up?" Jude snapped as the doorbell chimed insistently. She turned her back on Tommy and crossed out into the hallway. She was too flustered and annoyed to check the peephole and instead just flung the door open._

"Dad?" She was sure she was gaping, standing there with one hand clutching the doorknob until her knuckles turned white as her mind and eyes debated what they were seeing. 


	44. Chapter 44: Fathers

New Chapter

_New Chapter! Sorry it took so long. I've been meaning to post it since the weekend but didn't have time._

Hope you like it and please comment!

**Chapter 44: Fathers**

Jude was returning from a visit to the bathroom, something she now did nearly three times as frequently then before, thanks to the babies weight constricting the capacity of her bladder, when she heard a strange scuffling sound from the front door. There was a small crack of light from her partially ajar bedroom door spilling into her room but otherwise she was blanketed in what was suddenly a very creepy darkness. She froze in place and listened intently.

The door creaked as if under pressure and shifted slightly, seconds later the door handle turned. Finding resistance from the lock there was a faint mutter followed by a jingling of keys falling to the floor.

She frowned and took a few steps closer to the door. She could see the shadow of two feet through a crack under the door and then a hand reaching down for the keys.

"Tommy?" she called softly as she leaned forward to peer through the peephole.

His face suddenly appeared alarmingly close on the other side of the door as he too peered through the peephole. She jumped back in fright.

"Jude?" his muffled and slurred voice drifted through the door. "I think my keys swollen in the heat or something and it," the next bit was inaudible, "in the hole. And now it's sprouted legs and running away from me." He rested his forehead against the door. "Can you let me in?"

She took her down fiddling with the locks and bolts then stepped back and looked away as she swung the door open. Tommy stumbled through the door, tripping over some imaginary object and barely caught himself on the hall table. He plunked his keys on the tabletop then put his hands on Jude's shoulder and placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Thanks Honey, that was really tricky."

As he staggered toward the next room she closed the door behind him. "Right, cause unlocking the front door, something you do multiple times per day, is really a task that gets harder with time. I commend your bravery in even attempting such a task!"

Tommy had reached the entrance to the lounge but at her words he paused. Leaning against the doorframe he glanced back at her, "do I detect sarcasm in lyrical tone?"

"You get really wordy when you're drunk huh?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips, "that's when you're not comatose and being carried in by your friends."

"Oh come on, you've seen my drunk like," he held his hands up and attempted to count on his fingers. They proved uncooperative and he dropped his hands to his side with a sigh, "twice or something. You don't know."

"I know I don't like it."

"Ugh, it was just an intense night. You know? With Ashley and Joseph," he yawned as his words slurred, "and Kwest and Sadie and Linda and Darius, you know? I just needed a drink or two. It's no big deal. How about you just get yourself a hot chocolate and chill out."

"How about you just go and sober up?" Jude snapped as the doorbell chimed insistently. She turned her back on Tommy and crossed out into the hallway. She was too flustered and annoyed to check the peephole and instead just flung the door open.

"Dad?" She was sure she was gaping, standing there with one hand clutching the doorknob until her knuckles turned white as her mind and eyes debated what they were seeing.

He looked older somehow then he had six months earlier. There were a few more worry wrinkles on his forehead and his hair had grayed considerably. He shifted uncomfortably, arms at his side limply as he nodded. "I thought I should come by," his eyes drifted past her and rested on something there. With a sinking feel she realized Tommy had walked into the hallway.

"Mr. Harrison," Tommy even stuttered the name and Jude nervously noted the change in her Father's demeanor from awkward to angry.

"Mr. Quincy," he nodded stiffly, "May I come in?"

"Of course," Tommy motioned for him to enter but the movement threw off his balance and he leaned against the wall to stay standing. "Me casa is… something or rather or however it goes…" he yawned, covering his mouth with his hand as he blinked sleepily.

"Tommy, why don't you go take a nap or something?" Jude suggested as she closed the door behind her father and attempted to ignore the angry looks he was shooting Tommy.

"Nah, it's early," he mumbled, motioning to the windows and staggering back a few steps. "It's still light."

"It is," Stuart agreed as he rolled back his sleeve and examined his watch, "It's not even seven yet. A little early to be so inebriated, don't you think, Tom?"

"Dad, please don't start," Jude pleaded quietly.

"I think I have a right to be concerned when my daughter is shacked up with a drunk!" he responded in an equally steely voice.

"We are _not_ shacked up," Jude responded angrily, "We have separate rooms. I'm only here because you kicked me out and he's not _a_ drunk. He just happens to be a little drunk right now," she cringed, knowing that the argument wasn't going to cut it.

"I'll drink when I like," Tommy retorted, a little behind in the conversation and having increasing difficulty standing.

"Right, you'll do _what_ you like whenever you like, won't you?" Stuart responded, Stuart responded, his voice rising, "Without caring what young girl's life you're ruining in the process."

"Dad!" Jude yelled, "Don't speak to him like that."

Tommy hadn't responded. His eyes were closed and he was once again leaning against the wall for support. She had the terrible feeling he'd passed out.

"It's the truth," her father continued, unperturbed by the fact that his original opponent was non responsive, "He screwed up your life and it doesn't look like he's stopping there. He's supposed to be looking after you."

She was starting to see red, unable to bear someone criticizing Tommy considering all he'd done for her. "You have no right to come here after six months of not even picking up the phone to see if I was okay, and criticize _him_ for not caring about me!"

She was trying to get her voice back to a normal level, knowing her father hated 'tones' and talking back. "He's the one who's been here for me. He's the one who's supported me. You know what? Let's play like father like daughter," she pointed to the door, "_Get out!_"

"Jude," his tone somehow managed to be both commanding and pleading.

"No," she snapped, "Tommy's in the middle of a family crisis right now and you have no right to judge or accuse him when you don't know the full story but that's all you ever do. And I'm not standing for it anymore!" she glanced over at Tommy, the ridiculous thought flittering through her mind, '_Neither would he, if he could in fact stand rightg now_.'

"Jude, I'm sorry." She had to hand it to him, he really did sound apologetic.

She shook her head, "Just go. I can't do this right now."

He paused for a moment, hoping she'd change her mind then with a soft sigh he turned and left the apartment, the click of the door closing behind him echoing in the silent room.

Jude glanced over at Tommy, unable to decide if he was merely humming or actually snoring. Not surprisingly and despite the fact that she'd just defended him, she found herself not caring. She stomped into her bedroom and mirrored her father, slamming the door behind her.

- - -

The next morning Jude stayed holed up in her bedroom as long as the combined efforts of her stomach and bladder would allow. She threw on some comfortable but sloppy clothes since the day would undoubtedly be spent at home and not the studio then ventured out in the hall.

Faint jazz music wafted through the apartment. Though Jude did not yet know the habit and routine, jazz was part of Tommy's hangover cure. It wasn't a complete fix but something about it's soothing qualities helped.

She paused in the doorway of the lounge to see him lying on the sofa, an ice compact to his forehead.

"So the question, I guess, is was it worth it?" her voice sounded loud in the silent apartment, even to her own ears and she noticed him.

"It's never worth it," he muttered in a bitter tone. "Am I imagining it, remembering dreams or simply hallucinating or did your father drop by last night?"

She leaned against the wall just inside the hallway and sighed loudly, "Oh, I wish it was a dream but it would have to be more of a nightmare. I must say though, he was quite impressed by your ability to sleep while standing."

He groaned. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged and walked to the kitchen, "whatever."

- - -

In a rare spark of energy Jude washed the dishes, mopped the kitchen, dusted the house and cleaned the shower, all before midday. She wrote a song in her bedroom, somehow finding the compassion within herself to close the door and muffle the sound for the partially unconscious Tommy on the sofa. She read a few chapters of a book while sitting beside her window then threw it down onto the bed in frustration, unable to focus.

She was irked for lack of a better word by the events of the night before and the numerous questions they left her with. She felt like she'd been demoted to some measly spectator in a viscous battle Tommy was having with his inner demons. Watching someone she cared about damage himself was one thing but as they'd both recently agreed, there no lives were no longer just their own.

She slowly walked into the lounge then crossed into the kitchen to get a snack, promising herself on the journey that she would be as kind and patient as humanly possible. Returning to the lounge, she glanced over at Tommy who was now sitting mostly upright and watching television. She took in his sulking demeanor and smiled to her self. He looked like a school boy sulking over a failed Math test.

"He looks thirsty," She remarked casually as she bit into her apple.

He glanced up at her, a confused frown wrinkling his forehead, "_Who_?"

She motioned to an empty corner of the room, "The fluorescent pink and green, polka dotted elephant in the room," Her voice was still so casual and calm, "I mean, sure, He's got a plate of peanuts but he's starting to look rather thirsty."

Tommy rolled his eyes before continuing, once again to ignore her.

"It's not cool," she said, the playful tone leaving her voice.

"A fluorescent elephant? I don't know, that sounds pretty cool to me."

"What happened last night?"

"I drank too much. Didn't mean to, it just happened."

"You said something about Ashley?"

He smiled bitterly to himself, "if I recall and I'll admit the memory is a little hazy, I said something about quite a few people. Any particular reason Ashley is the only one you jumped on?"

"I think she's after you."

"I think you're right. No, wait, I know you are," he put a hand to his head as a small monkey with a set of cymbals began making hideous music in his head, or at least that's what it felt like.

Jude's heart sank and it was a moment before she spoke up again. "What do you mean?"

"Full disclosure is a good thing I guess. She cornered me in one of the studios and hit on me."

"Really?" Her eyes widened as various graphic scenarios flittered through her mind making her feel as nauseous as she ever did through her morning sickness stage.

"No one saw and I turned her down," he shrugged.

At some point the apple had fallen from Jude's hands and she glanced up at the whitewashed ceiling as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She turned away from Tommy and walked into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and splashed water on her face then gazed at her reflection in the mirror. This conversation was proving harder then she thought. There were too many factors to be taken into consideration, to many differing emotions directed at Tommy, too many big events that had taken place the night before.

When she returned a few minutes later Tommy was waiting for her. He'd turned of the TV set and was now perched at the end of the sofa, staring at her intently.

"You okay?" he asked.

Jude cringed slightly and lifted her shoulders in a shrug like gesture, "I feel bad."

"Because you weren't there to protect me from the five foot four groupie attack?"

"Hmmm," she tilted her head to the side and smiled, "She is pretty scary but unless she has a secret black belt I do think you can handle her."

"She does have a black belt actually," he smirked as Jude's eyes widened, "and a blue one, and a green one, and then there's that little glittery number she wore last night. Seriously, are belts some new trend or something?"

She giggled slightly in appreciation of his effort to lighten the mood then examined the palm of her hand nervously, running a finger along one of the crease lines. "Do you like her?" she glanced up to see his look of surprise then motioned for him not to speak, "I mean I hate to think that I'm stopping you from a relationship that could have been something. You know?"

"She wasn't suggesting a relationship. Just that we hook up behind the band and your backs. And I'm not interested in any relationship right now. I want to be here for you and our daughter. Ashley isn't a loss, by comparison nothing is."

"That-" she paused, scrambling for a word then stopped, "This is a G, well, PG rated house hold so I won't say but wait till I get my hands on her. That's so tacky and low."

"I think it'd be best if we all pretend the whole thing didn't happen. I am going to talk to Darius about finding a new Producer for the band tomorrow, though."

"Do you have to? I mean, can't we just evict her from the band and G-Major or something?"

"Maybe run her over with a steam roller at the same time?"

She laughed and shook her head, "No, that would be too messy…"

He laughed too. "Right."

She had picked up the remote and was flipping through TV channels when he spoke up again. "We should talk about your Dad?"

"I'm exhausted, you're hung over, there's nothing to say. Let's not."

"We could do that but then your fluorescent elephant might just get a pigtailed friend."

She raised an eyebrow, "pigtailed?"

He winced and lay back against the sofa, "I was going for the whole kid thing, parent drama and all," he waved a hand in the air dismissingly, "I'm hung over, creativity levels are at a low. Whatever."

She chuckled to herself and turned her attention back to the TV.

**Teasers for Chapter 45**

_She smiled as she took the music box out. It was a perfect twin of one Sadie had had as a child and memories flooded into Jude's mind as she gazed at it. Without thinking she lifted the lid, causing a tinny version of Swan Lake to play as a plastic ballerina on a spring leapt up and began to spin. A white envelope that had been taped to the roof of the box broke free and floated down to the floor. It was unopened and scrawled on the front in Tommy's familiar hand was one word – Linda._


	45. Chapter 45: Discoveries

Sorry about the delay in posting

_Sorry about the delay in posting. I actually have this, the next chapter and half of the one after that complete but I'm feeling really detached from the characters and I've been waiting for that little something that's missing in them to occur to me..._

Please comment ___ We're rounding the last corner and the ending is on the horizon. We just have a delivery or two to happen before then. _

**Chapter 45: Discoveries**

Tommy was taping up a large box in the living room when Jude walked in the next morning. She froze, taking in this unusual sight of Tommy surrounded by a sea of bubble wrap and cardboard.

Turning, he noticed her in the doorway and smiled ruefully,  
"I figure it's never too early to start and we've only got two weeks right?"

He glanced down to see the length of tape he had torn free from the roll had doubled over and stuck to itself. Muttering and cursing he attempted to pry it apart. She smiled.

"Yeah, I should really get to work on it while you're at the studio today," she ran a hand over the surface of one of the packed boxes.

"No." He spun around to face her. She had to choke back a giggle as unbeknownst to him another piece of tape was now stuck to the top of his head and wafting around as he moved. How it had got stuck there in such a short amount of time was a mystery. He moved to put the roll of tape down on the sofa and as he did so a piece of bubble wrap got stuck to his leg. The heartthrob boybander was disappearing before Jude's very eyes and she didn't mind one bit.

"You just relax and put your feet up. I don't want you straining yourself," he continued.

"Darn, there goes that whole piano shifting plan," she reached up and gently pried the tape from his hair then stuck it to the front of his shirt with a smile. "I can handle putting a few plates and CDs in a box. In fact it'll probably be good for me."

He looked unconvinced as she took the tape gun from him and expertly applied a length of tape to the top of the box. Smiling she handed it back to him then patted him on the head.

- - -

Jude fought back a sneeze as a cloud of dust wafted up around her. She was in the back of Tommy's closet, moving the odds and ends that had wound up there into boxes. Already she'd cleared the non-necessities from the kitchen and lounge; though considering Tommy's minimalist and non-materialist (with everything but cars) approach to life there wasn't much to pack.

She smiled to herself as she dropped a lidless, dust covered shoe box of Boys Attack memorabilia into a box. She wasn't surprised it was one set of memories Tommy obviously hadn't opted to revisit recently. She took out a baseball bat and hummed the tune of some corny song about baseball or dancing she'd heard in a 'High School Musical' movie as she swung it through the air. She put it down quickly when she nearly knocked herself out. Yeah, she'd never been much of an athlete.

She respected Tommy's privacy, not opening anything that was closed or examining anything too closely until she found a fluorescent pink music box in the back of the cupboard.

She smiled as she took it out. It was a perfect twin of one Sadie had had as a child and memories flooded into Jude's mind as she gazed at it. Without thinking she lifted the lid, causing a tinny version of Swan Lake to play as a plastic ballerina on a spring leapt up and began to spin. A white envelope that had been taped to the roof of the box broke free and floated down to the floor. It was unopened and scrawled on the front in Tommy's familiar hand was one word – Linda.

The name struck a bell. Had Tommy mentioned it when he came home drunk the night before?

She picked up the letter and held it up in front of her, tilting it up to the light as if the rays could peer through the barrier paper and reveal the contents. It was old and the paper was browning at the edges. She wanted so much to tear it open and discover its secret, knowing it was most likely an old love letter that would should light on Tommy but she knew it wouldn't be right.

Carefully she placed the envelope back inside the box and silenced the music and the tiny dancer as the lid closed.

- - -

"What are you doing?"

Tommy had come home from work early after a day of half hearted work as he worried about her wearing herself out with packing. He'd opened the front door quietly, planning to sneak up behind her and surprise her but instead he'd been the one to be surprised when he found her in his bedroom, sitting in front of his closet with his sister's music box in her hands.

"Tommy," her eyes widened guiltily and he felt anger welling within him, "I thought you were at work."

"So you thought you'd go through my things?" He walked over and snatched the box from her hands.

"What? No, I was just packing," she attempted to stand and he turned away, unwilling to soften his attitude toward her but knowing he would if he watched her helplessly attempt to stand, the weight and awkwardness of her stomach making a challenge. Somehow she must have managed it because a moment later he felt a small hand on his shoulder, "I wasn't looking at anything."

"Did you read it?" He snapped, backing away from her. He took the envelope out then tossed the music box on his bed. It landed with the lid ajar and the music began to play. He wanted to lift his hands to his head and squeeze as tightly as he possibly could. He wanted to block out the music and the images flashing through his mind, to squeeze his skull in a vice-like grip until every memory, every moment, every reality - life itself was crushed to nothing.

"Look at it," she urged, "I didn't even open it. I shouldn't have opened the box, I know that but I just have a thing for music boxes and it reminded me of one Sadie had when I was a kid and I just," she was flustered and the words began to run together in her urgency to get them out. "I got lost in the nostalgia and opened it without thinking. I'm sorry!"

He inhaled deeply; in, out, in, out until he was no longer viewing the world in shades of angry red. Still he didn't want to look at her. He shoved the envelope into his pocket and brushed past her. He could hear his heart's erratic beating as he left the apartment and ran down the hall.

- - -

Tommy paced beside a park bench, unable to enjoy the warm afternoon breeze, the scent of the flowers or the peaceful sound of a nearby stream. It was as if everything in his life had suddenly been turned upside down so that all the different section, compartmentalized and walled off from one another had fallen free of their confines and gotten jumbled in together. The unidentifiable, metaphorical dark liquid that had been locked in his past had broken free and was now staining the entire contents of the box – past and present alike, the scar that he was unable to escape.

"It'll be okay, it'll be okay," he whispered to himself over and over, his hands covering his face. In his mind he could hear his own voice, younger and distant with time as he whispered it to the little girl with the tangle of curly red hair, crying on his shoulder as their parents fought in the next room.

He sank down onto the park bench and without realizing what he was doing fished his wallet out of his pocket. His hands shook as he opened it and pulled out an old scrap of paper that had been hidden behind his credit cards. He carefully opened it, taking care as the creases where it had been folded were beginning to tear.

His eyes instantly blurred with tears at his sister's familiar handwriting and without needing to read a line the words came flooding into his mind, seared into his memory after countless torturous moments spent reading it.

_Tommy,_

I'm scared. I miss you so much. At night when it's really bad I sneak into your room and take out your old ski jacket. When I hear Dad screaming at Mom in the next room I sit on your bed and wrap myself up inside the jacket and try to convince myself you're there with me, holding me, telling me everything's going to be okay and protecting me from Dad. But you're not.

Tommy, it's gotten worse. He's so angry that you left, that he got fired, that Mom is starting to stand up to him. He goes into a rage almost every day and it's not just Mom he's targeting.

I know I shouldn't write you this. I admire you so much for being brave enough to get away and here I am adding weights to your ankles and trying to drag you back to us, to this hell. But I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I have this horrible, sickening feeling that this time I'm not going to be okay.

Tommy, big brother; I love you, I miss you, I need you.

Linda

- - -

"So he just took off?" Sadie asked as she slowly stirred a teaspoon through her hot chocolate. Jude had called her, near tears after Tommy's blow up. Sadie had promptly rushed over and now the two sat at the kitchen table, drinking hot chocolate and discussing he turn of events.

"He totally freaked out. He seemed really upset."

Sadie chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully and drummed her fingertips together, contemplating. "I wonder what was in that letter."

"Nothing good obviously," Jude replied mournfully, lowering her forehead to the table top.

"So you said it was his handwriting. You're totally sure?" Jude nodded, head still lowered. "And it hadn't been opened? Just a name and no address?" Jude nodded again.

"Who writes someone a letter then sticks it away in an old music box rather then deliver it?" Her voice was excited as she imagined herself Nancy Drew with a fascinating mystery to solve.

"Tommy, apparently," Jude remarked sarcastically.

"Do you think maybe she wasn't talking to him?" Sadie's eyes widened as an idea occurred, "Maybe she was his High School sweetheart and he got her pregnant. Her parents sent away to have the baby but didn't tell him where. He could have written her a letter telling her how much he loved her and wanted to support her but was never able to send it as he had no address. Then he never saw her again."

"Sadie!" Jude cried, lifting her head for the first time to stair at her sister in anguish, "not helping!"

"Okay, alright," Sadie raised her hands defensively, "the letter was to tell her she meant nothing to him and he couldn't care less. Better?"

Jude rolled her eyes.

"You know what this means right?" Sadie smiled, "we have to open it." She nodded in determination.

"There is no way I'm doing that!" Jude shook her head emphatically, "it's an invasion of privacy and it's just plain wrong."

"He thinks you've done it already." Sadie pointed out.

Jude shook her head. "No."

Sadie smiled. "You've got it so bad."

"Oh shut up!" Jude snapped. She hastily stood up and her stomach bumped into the table top in the process, causing her hot chocolate to spill everywhere. She muttered and cursed as she raced for a cloth to mop it up. "This is the last time I call you in a crisis," she muttered to Sadie.

The girl in question just leaned back in her chair and watched with amusement as her flustered sister continued to attempt to hide her emotions and mop up the mess they'd caused. "You're so transparent."

- - -

Tommy arrived home later that afternoon, dreading potential tears and definite sulking from Jude. During his time at the park he'd realized the unfair conclusions he'd jumped to and just how much he'd overreacted. He'd paused on the street outside their apartment building and paced for a good ten minutes as he tried to get up the courage to go inside. He'd considered getting flowers or something but had tossed that idea out the window. He didn't need something for Jude to throw at him.

As he stepped into the apartment he was greeted with an expected sound, however; the sound of Jude laughing and the soft strains of MTV. He softly closed the door behind him then tiptoed along the corridor, pausing just before the doorway of the living room.  
"Well I think the lead singer is way cuter," Sadie's voice floated out.

"People always fuss and go on about the lead singer. It's so cliché. Look at the drummer. He's sweet and actually uncomfortable with the attention. See? He's hiding behind his cymbals. Forget the attention whore, go for the sweet, quiet guy who's just in it for the music."

"Says the girl who's living with the ultimate attention whore," Sadie teased.

Tommy leaned shrugged off his jacket then leaned against the wall, waiting for Jude's response.

"He's not." Sadie must have shaken her head or made a face because Jude repeated in a firmer tone, "He's not Sadie! Maybe he was back in the day but he isn't now. He's deeper then that. There's more to him then meets the eye."

"Obviously. Mysterious letters, music boxes and who knows what else."

Tommy cringed.

"I thought you liked him."

"I do. You two are great together. I guess the honest truth is no one could ever be quite good enough for my sister. That would require perfection."

"He's not supposed to be 'for me'," Jude argued. There was another pause and a frustrated sigh from her. "Would you stop?"

Sadie had started to speak again when Tommy summed up the courage to pass the doorway on his way to his room. Total silence settled in the apartment. Even the music video playing on the television had reached an almost inaudible conclusion.

Tommy was hanging his jacket in his closet when he heard movement in the next room. Sadie made a hasty departure. "See you Tommy," she called down the hallway.

"Yeah, later," he called back faintly.

The front door closed and he gulped as he glanced to his left, through his open bedroom door. Jude was leaning against the living room doorway watching him.

"I didn't open the envelope." She shook her head, as if to further convey the message.

"I know. I'm sorry."

**Teasers for Chapter 46**

_"I'm Tommy's Uncle. I was in town for the day and wanted to drop by to see him. They told him he'd moved at his last apartment and directed me here."_

--

He reached over and in one fluid motion pulled her down on the bed next to him. He pulled back the covers and threw them over her and a second later she could have sworn she heard him snoring. 


	46. Chapter 46: Visitor

Another chapter

_Another chapter! Yay! lol. I've got the one after this complete too. It's shocking really._

Thanks for all your comments on the last one. Please keep it up __

**Chapter 46: Visitor**

Tommy stood in the center of the hurricane or more accurately it's devastation. He rested the palm of his hand against his forehead and stared at Kwest in astonishment.

"It was an accident," Kwest insisted with a sheepish grin, "the handle was slippery." He pointed to the two wheeler box mover he was holding, "I'm gonna go help Sadie with the linen. I'm sure I can't break that."

Kwest rushed from the room, slipping past Jude as she made her way over. She was talking to someone over her shoulder and failed to notice the three boxes worth of broken kitchenware on the floor. Tommy cringed as he waited for the impending eruption.

"Okay," she murmured, pausing to breathe deeply, "What happened?"

"Kwest."

"Oh."

"Well look at it this way," he remarked as he began to sweep up the wreckage, "I never even used this stuff before you. You gave it meaning and a sense of achievement before it's untimely demise. If it weren't for you it would have died without ever living up to it's potential. Now that would have been a tragedy."

She forced a weak and twitching smile for his benefit. "That's fine," she took a notepad from her pocket and flipped through a couple of pages. "I'll just add to the list that we need to shop for replacements after we've finished the move. Along with the stuff for the baby and all the extra furniture we're going to need, the fence for the pool," her voice was beginning to rise as her words began to blur into one panicked sound. Over her should Tommy could see Sadie stop what she was doing and draw a slashing 'cut' motion across her throat.

"Not to mention the organizing we'll need to do," Jude continued, "and changes of address that will need sending out-"

"Jude! Honey!" He stepped over and took the notepad from her hands. "Just breathe. This is no biggie. We can eat take out for awhile. I've done it for a half a decade and it's no big deal."

Jude rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "This place is such a mess. I don't know how we're possibly going to get it all done by the deadline tomorrow."

"You're right." He thought silently for a moment. The small apartment was a bustle of activity. Along with Kwest and Sadie other friends from G-Major had stopped by to help with the big move but he was concerned it was still too much pressure on Jude. "I'll hire professional movers."

Jude's eyes widened as she shook her head emphatically, "no way!" she muttered.

"Why not?"

"You want strangers going through our stuff?"

"We've already packed the important and personal stuff. It'll just be ornaments and things like that they'll pack. I'll call now and they could be here in a few hours. You and I will go to the park or a movie or something and just relax. It'll be great."

She shook her head slowly, "I don't know…"

He smiled and put both hands on her shoulders, stooping slightly to look her in the eye. "Then I'll make an executive decision. We're doing this."

She smiled slightly. The first he'd seen in days. "You're so not the executor of this relationship you know."

"I know but I like to tell myself different. It helps with my ego."

She laughed. "Right, well one condition?"

"Name it."

"While the movers are here we take Kwest and Sadie out for a nice dinner to thank them for their help."

"Deal."

- - -

Tommy felt bizarrely grown up as he barked orders to the moving men carrying furniture into his new home. When he'd brought his apartment four years ago he'd been touring in Europe. He simply hired a decorator, gave them a wad of money and full creative freedom then left to it. He didn't actually step foot into the apartment until another year or so after that. He'd been too busy struggling with his solo career, battling Darius and partying to stop and ask himself if he even liked the apartment. It was only when Jude moved in that he realized how lifeless, dreary and depressing it had been, like a tomb inhabited by a ghost.

And now here he was; his twenty-second birthday a month away, a house of his own that he actually liked and most exciting of all; with a family of his own.

Jude appeared at his side. She had one hand pressed to the small of her back, an obvious sign of discomfort. Her face showed concern as she watched two men carry a large bookshelf into the living room.

"Didn't we decide that should be in the upstairs hallway?" she asked. She began to follow the men but his hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"We're leaving it down here until last. It might get in the way when we carry the beds through."

"Oh, you're right," she scrunched her eyes closed but not quickly enough to hide the flicker of pain in their depths.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. My ankles are just really inflamed and my backs kind of sore."

He gently pushed her toward the living room and she glared at him as she sidestepped the moving men. "Look, the sofa is already here. Just lie down and rest for awhile."

"I can't sit still while everyone's working!" her eyes widened in horror at the thought.

"Yes, you can. And you're working too. You're incubating our daughter."

She scrunched her nose up, "Okay, that sounded gross…"

"Jude! Sit!" He gently pushed on her shoulders until she sat on the sofa. "You can still see from here. I'll go find you a loudspeaker and you can direct."

"Very funny."

"And look," he motioned behind them, "You can see me out in the hall and yell at me when I made the big mistake I'm certain to make." He turned to leave but her soft hand caught his and squeezed tightly.

"I don't think you're going to make a mistake. I know you can handle this. You're doing great. I just want to help."

He smiled, "sit here and look pretty when I glance in, that helps."

She laughed as he walked away. "My dream in life to sit and look pretty."

"You do it well!" he waved a hand at her then raved over to an approaching set of moving men.

She sat back on the sofa then pulled her legs up, letting out a sigh of relief. Despite her feigned annoyance she felt a glow of pleasure at Tommy's compliment.

- - -

The house almost seemed too quiet when the movers had left. Dark was settling in and Tommy almost knocked over a stack of boxes hidden in the shadow of the hallway as he searched for the light switch. When he finally found what he sought and flicked the switch happily, nothing happened. He flicked the switch on, then off, and then repeated the process a few more times.

"Jude," he called, not even sure what part of the house she was in, "there's no power."

She appeared on the staircase and paused, one hand on the banister. The dying light from the windows barely framed her golden hair like a halo. "Do we have candles?"

She was speaking apologetically, as if feeling guilty for the situation and worried he was about to snap. He didn't like it but conceded with his behavior of late that it was most likely his fault.

"Yeah," he glanced around him, "in a box."

"Oh joy," he glanced up, hearing a telltale tremor in his voice. Their eyes met and a grin spread across his lips, a second later Jude burst out laughing and he soon joined in.

The search for the candles was no laughing matter but thanks to the euphoric, almost drunken state that had settled over the two, it wasn't any great chore either. Simply driving to the store would have been the most logical and easiest solution but neither wanted to leave their knew home just yet.

They set up a space on the floor of the living with a circle of candles surrounding them as they ate the pizza they had delivered. For then the drama of unpacking boxes and organizing was completely forgotten.

- - -

Jude tiptoed into Tommy's bedroom, taking exaggerated steps, her feet barely making a sound on the cushioning carpet. She glanced over at the sleeping mound on the bed, watching his chest rise and fall and hearing him mumbling something incoherent in his sleep. She stifled a giggle.

The bed was the only item in the room that was actually functioning. A chest of drawers were in place in the corner of the room but the actual drawers where nowhere to be seen. Stacks of boxes, some as tall as Jude herself, were randomly placed the around the room like monolithic, ancient trees. She couldn't help but wonder where all this stuff had come from? Tommy's apartment had always seemed so empty. Granted his CD collection wasn't something to be laughed at but even that couldn't create this kind of mass… could it?

She didn't notice the base of one of the box stacks was considerably wider then those at eye level and her toe connected with the corner painfully. She winced, screamed silently and hopped about the room. She tried to lean forward and examine the bruise by lifting her foot toward her face but both the bending and lifting proved impossible. She simply couldn't negotiate with her own body the way she used to.

She carefully eased herself down onto the edge of the bed, not allowing her weight to cause the mattress to suddenly dip. She leaned up toward Tommy's face. He had the blankets pulled up to his ears and she had to peel them back to reveal his face. His expression was so relaxed and peaceful she had to stop herself from saying 'aww' out loud. As his eyes flickered and lips turned into a Cheshire-like smile she found herself wishing she could crawl into his mind and find out what he was thinking.

"Hey," she whispered softly as she reached forward and tapped the tip of her index finger against his nose. "Its morning, sleepyhead."

He grumbled something in his sleep and twisted his face away from her which only made her smile brighter. She tapped her index finger against his forehead, spacing the taps to resemble musical notes until she began to drum the tune of 'Time to be your twenty-one'.

"You know that's really annoying right?" he mumbled, the words slurring together as a result of his sleepy refusal to correctly open his mouth and speak.

"I relish the fact," she traced her index finger from his forehead, down the bridge of his nose then tapped it against the tip. "And you need to get up."

"I've got a better idea."

"Yeah, what's that?"

He reached over and in one fluid motion pulled her down on the bed next to him. He pulled back the covers and threw them over her and a second later she could have sworn she heard him snoring.

"Tommy," she muttered, attempting to twist and roll over in the confined space between him and the edge of the bed, "we've got so much work to do."

"And a life time to do it in," he responded without even opening his eyes, "sleep now."

She giggled softly, "fine." She gazed at him for a second, memorizing the peaceful expression on his face before snuggling into the pillow and closing her own eyes.

- - -

"Just breathe," Jude whispered to herself. "Don't panic, just breathe. You're getting far too uptight in your old age and it's pathetic." She closed her eyes, blocking out the state of chaos around her and began to think about something far more appealing; food.

Moments later she was standing in front of the open refrigerator and perusing it's contents. The power had been turned on at some point during the night and Tommy was currently at the store getting emergency groceries. She reached blindly for the cell phone then dialed Tommy's cell.

"Hey," she smiled for no logical reason or use, "are you at the store? Could you get a bottle of cream as well? Oh, and some pineapple. I've got a craving."

The warm sound of him chuckling was carried own the phone line. "Anything else? What about tomatoes? You've been eating a lot of those lately."

Just the idea of juicy red tomatoes made her mouth water, "Oh, yes. Maybe two bags?" The doorbell chimed, "Ooh, someone's at the door. Hopefully I can find it. It took me ten minutes to find the phone before."

"Best of luck."

"Thanks."

She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and tied it with elastic as she raced to the door. She hadn't been expecting visitors but Sadie was making it her duty to call in regularly as Jude got closer to her delivery date.

She opened the door to see a tall balding man in his mid fifties. He had a grim expression as if anticipating something unsavory and poised to counter attack.

"Hi," she let her hand linger on the door as she gazed at him questioningly. "Can I help you?"

"Is this the Quincy residence?" He craned his neck to peer over her shoulder as he spoke, and she felt her celebrity instincts kicking in.

"Um," she let the door close slightly, blocking his view. "Can I inquire as to your interest?" She cringed at how secretarial she sounded.

"I'm Tommy's Uncle. I was in town for the day and wanted to drop by to see him. They told him he'd moved at his last apartment and directed me here."

"His Uncle? Really?" Instincts flew out the window as the happy, fuzzy feeling of meeting the first member of Tommy's family, of her daughter's future family, kicked in.

"Yup, nothing too impressive I'm afraid. You must be…" he paused for a moment as if trying to remember her name. "Jude, right? I heard he had a girlfriend and something about a baby. Time certainly flies. I can still remember him crawling around in diapers."

Jude laughed, "Now that would have been an entertaining sight. Come on. I'll get you something to drink. Tommy's at the store but he should be back soon."

"You'll have to excuse the mess," she said over her shoulder as she led him into the kitchen. "We've barely had time to start unpacking .The kitchen is probably the best room in the house so far. One must prioritize after all."

"You shouldn't be straining yourself in your condition," he said as Jude motioned him to a chair at the kitchen table.

"That's what Tommy's always saying but I'm tougher then I look. What would you like to drink? Juice, tea, coffee?"

"A glass of water would be fine."

Jude quickly poured them both glasses then sat down across from him at the table. "I'm Jude, by the way," she smiled and offered her hand.

"John," he smiled and leaned forward to shake her hand.

"Dutoir?"

"Yes," he shifted in his chair uncomfortably. Jude watched with a twinge of curiosity, silently taking a sip from her glass. "So how did you and Tommy meet?"

"I'm signed with G-Major records and he was my Producer."

He nodded then squinted at her, "if you don't mind my asking; how old are you?"

She cringed inwardly, already sensing the judgment in his tone and the way he squinted at her, his eyes glassy. "I'll be eighteen in a few months."

There was something in his eyes she could quite place but a moment later he smiled and it was gone. "When is the baby due?"

"In a couple of months."

The phone rang and Jude excused herself as she leapt from her chair. When she returned a few minutes later after deflecting the telemarketer as politely as possible, John wasn't where she'd left him. She frowned. "John?" she called, her voice echoing in the deathly silent house.

She turned and walked back down the hallway, deciding he must have gone in search of a bathroom. She was about to knock on the first floor bathroom door when the front door opened and Tommy staggered in, laden with grocery bags.

"You'll never guess," she smiled as she raced over to help him. She took a couple of the light bags, the only ones he'd allow. "You Uncle just dropped by!"

He seemed surprised. "My Uncle? I don't have an Uncle."

She frowned, feeling a nervous dread tightening around her chest. "He said his name was John Dutoir," she said softly.

His expression grew grim. "Is he still here?"

"I think so. I answered the phone and he disappeared. I was just looking for him."

"Hello Tom."

Tommy's eyes flew from Jude to something over her shoulder and she spun around to see John; if that was really his name, standing at the other end of the hall.

"Dad," Tommy answered lifelessly.

**Teasers for Chapter 47**

_"I was at the Doctor's office the other day and saw your face on some tabloid. I don't normally bother with that trash but I was bored. Imagine my surprise when I hear you're shacked up with some Minor and having a baby!"_

Tommy laughed bitterly, "So that's it. You've found something else to judge me for and now you're here to lord it over me."

--

She rolled onto her side to gaze at him. "I'm fine. Are you?"

His eyes drifted to the ceiling as he sighed heavily, "It's too early for this conversation."


	47. Chapter 47: Aftermath

I was watching 'The Nativity Story' the other day and realized I've totally ripped off the Bible with this story

_I was watching 'The Nativity Story' the other day and realized I've totally ripped off the Bible with this story. I mean Jude's daughter isn't the Messiah, people don't approve but they're not going to stone her and she and Tommy weren't engaged to begin with but otherwise there are some pretty striking similarities. I actually saw the film a month or two before I got the idea for this story and I think it might have unconsciously influenced it. Weird..._

Anyway, here's the new chapter and it's drama filled. Love that. I'm going to skip forward a few weeks in the next chapter so we'll be getting really close to Jude's due date.

Please comment!

**Chapter 47: Aftermath**

Tension hung in the air as Jude, feeling like the piggy in the middle glanced between Tommy and his father.

"You're Tommy's Dad?" she asked John.

He nodded, his eyes never actually falling on her. Looking between the two now, Jude could see the obvious similarities. It was so striking she couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. John had the same strong jaw, straight nose and his hair color and build was the same as Tommy's. Looking at the two it was as like looking at a mirror image, thirty years down the track.

She didn't want to admit it but the truth was the truth; it scared her.

Feel insulted and manipulated and all together uncomfortable, Jude turned her back on him and fixed her gaze on Tommy. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

He nodded grimly, a muscle in his jaw clenching as he gritted his teeth. "What are you doing here?" he asked his father.

"I was at the Doctor's office the other day and saw your face on some tabloid. I don't normally bother with that trash but I was bored. Imagine my surprise when I hear you're shacked up with some Minor _and_ having a baby!"

Tommy laughed bitterly, "So that's it. You've found something else to judge me for and now you're here to lord it over me."

"I came to meet the mother of my grandchild."

"Well you can leave. I don't want you anywhere near her." His voice was raising quickly, his face reddening with anger.

"Tommy," Jude whispered soothingly. She put a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him with her touch, to send some soothing tranquility through her finger tips.

"Well isn't this a sweet pictures," John remarked sarcastically, "So tell me, how well does the Pop Princess actually know you? Do you lie to her the way you lie to everyone else?"

"You are so full of hate it's pathetic."

"Ouch. Hey Jude?" Jude heard footsteps approaching and she nervously glanced over her shoulder. "Has he told you about his sister? She was a singer too. Looked a hell of a lot like you, funny that. Did he tell you he killed her?"

Tommy suddenly pushed Jude to the side, his touch toward her still gentle despite his obvious anger. He closed the gap between him and his father with a swing of his arm. His fist connected with John's chin and the older man flew backward, crashing into the staircase before slipping to the ground.

"You have no right to come into my home and say things like that!" Tommy yelled as he stood over him.

"Well it's true isn't it?" John was obviously feeling vulnerable as he stuttered and attempted to clamber to his feet. "You were driving. You'd been drinking!"

"I was not drunk!" Tommy bellowed the words then exhaled slowly. His voice was softer and heartbroken when he spoke again. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you that."

"Why was I driving Dad? Why did I come back to your God forsaken house when I swore I never would, huh? Why'd Linda have bruises on her that the crash inspection team couldn't explain, bruises that were days and weeks old? How could you?" His voice had fallen to a whisper and slowly it began to break. Jude could hear the tears creeping into his voice as she walked up behind him and moved to stand in front of him.

"I think you should leave," she informed John coolly, "now."

She'd expected an argument but none came. Silently John stepped past her and Tommy and walked out the front door. The moment the door closed behind him Tommy turned and ran up the stairs. Jude lingered on the bottom step, biting her lip nervously as she debated what to do. The slamming of his bedroom door echoed back to her, sending a clear message.

- - -

Time passed slowly. Jude wandered around the house, attempting to unpack boxes but always finding her mind wandering elsewhere before she could complete the task. Her eyes continually drifted to the ceiling as if she had X-ray vision and could see Tommy in his room.

She hated the waiting. She hated hiding out down stairs when he needed her but she also knew there was a line somewhere in their relationship, one that constantly moved and shifted and was always hard to locate. But it was a line she shouldn't cross.

A few hours later, when the sun had shifted and began to fall in the sky Jude finally ventured upstairs. She clutched a glass of Orange Juice in one hand, noticing the liquid surface shaking as her hand trembled nervously. She walked up the stairs slowly then lingered at the end of the hallway then tiptoed to Tommy's bedroom door and whispered through the slightly ajar crack, "Tommy?"

The room was dark except for the dull streetlights shining through the open windows as she pushed the door open and tiptoed inside. Tommy was lying on his back on the bed, his arms spread out on either side of him and his eyes on the ceiling. Jude paused at the side of the bed, looking down on him, "Tommy?" She asked again. He gave no response. The slight flicker of his eyelids at her voice was the only sign he was even aware of her presence.

Sighing softly, she set the glass of juice on the floor then sat down on the edge of the bed. After a moment, feeling a need to be close to and comfort him, she impulsively lay down next to him. He repositioned slightly, allowing her a little extra space as she rested her head on his arm. He lowered his hand till it was resting on her shoulder, his fingers splayed out and barely touching the soft material of her shirt. She shifted until she was lying on her side and looking up at him. Absentmindedly she traced patterns on his upper arm as she watched his face.

The room was painfully silent and somehow she knew this wasn't the time to discuss what had just happened. Tommy was the little cartoon turtle constantly hiding in his shell. If you tried to coax him out into the light, tried to get him to reveal parts of him that he didn't want to, then he'd hide away and you wouldn't be able to get him to reemerge for days.

"Tommy?" she whispered. She heard him exhale softly. She lowered her eyelashes and focused her eyes on his arm as she whispered into the silence, "you know, you're my best friend."

He propped himself up on one arm and gazed at her silently. The slightest smile played on his lips as he leaned down and placed a light kiss on her forehead before laying back down and again staring at the roof. The silence settled over them once more.

It helped him; holding her that night. The countless times he awoke in the night after visions of approaching headlights and his father's angry face had filled his vision. To be able to gaze at her peacefully sleeping form, to see the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, it had reassured him that despite it all; he was okay. He'd wrapped his arms around her tightly and inhaled her scent as he told himself everything was going to be okay.

- - -

The tabloids would make it quite the scandal had they known that since moving Jude had spent more time sleeping in Tommy's bed, _with_ Tommy, then in her own. But then tabloids had absolutely no perception or understanding of an innocent, platonic relationship. Though she had to admit she didn't mind this spooning position they'd adopted in their sleep one bit.

She lay there silently, watching as the dawn sunlight began to stream in through the window. The light it cast began to creep from the floor and up over the bed as time passed. Eventually it bathed them both in golden sunlight and Tommy began to stir.

"Hey," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Hey," she whispered back.

He noticed how close he was holding her suddenly and for fear of making her uncomfortable, quickly let go. "Did you sleep okay?" he asked as he shifted to the other side of the bed.

She rolled onto her side to gaze at him. "I'm fine. Are you?"

His eyes drifted to the ceiling as he sighed heavily, "It's too early for this conversation."

"I don't think the time of the day, the weather, setting or temperature really does much to help with tough conversations," she remarked with a sad shrug, "I just want to help you, Tommy. If you don't want to talk about what happened then we don't have to. Just let me be here for you the way you have been for me."

"It's not true," he whispered, so softly she wasn't sure he'd spoken at all, "what he said. At least I don't think it's true," he covered his eyes with his hands, his voice shaking and so very small, "…I don't want to think it's true."

"Tommy," she said softly, shaking her head slightly.

"No, I need to do this," his voice was firm. "I just want it to be over." He sat up and reached for his wallet on the bedside table. With shaking his hands he took out the old tattered letter. He handed it to her silently, his eyes not meeting hers. As Jude read the letter he gazed out the window. Other then blinking once or twice he didn't move once.

Jude read the letter twice. Her eyes skimming over the words, seeing the shaky handwriting, the tears stains – tears that could have been either Linda's or Tommy's. She imagined the terrified young girl writing the hasty letter, pleading with the brother she idolized for help.

"Linda was your sister," she whispered. It was more of a statement, a realization, rather then a question.

He nodded as he took the letter back from her and returned it to his wallet. "She sent me this letter a few months after I left home, about a year before I joined Boyz Attack. I went home to get her straight away. We didn't think Dad would be home from work for another hour or so but he came home early. He'd had a few drinks and he flew into a rage like he always did. I shoved him away from Linda and he punched me."

Tears pooled in Jude's eyes. She inched closer to him and put her hand on his. He twisted his hand around so he was holding hers in the palm of his and squeezed it tightly.

"He hit me a few times but I managed to get out of there somehow. Linda was waiting for me in the car. I was so scared that he'd follow me that… I drove faster… then I should have. Something went wrong at an intersection. I didn't see the truck. He'd missed the stop sign and drove straight into my car, on Linda's side." He stopped, his voice dissolving into tears.

Jude wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. If there were some way to take his pain away and bear it herself she would have in that moment.

"They think she died on impact. The Doctor's insisted she wouldn't have felt anything but that didn't mean anything at the time," he brushed his tears away with the back of his hand and set his jaw grimly. "They took me to the hospital; I had a few broken bones and some pretty bad cuts. It's how I got this scar," he motioned to his forehead. "The cops tested me. I'd had a beer earlier but I wasn't over the limit. They said it didn't factor into the accident at all but Dad never cared. The entire time I was so terrified that he was going to show up. I just _knew_ that if he got into my hospital room that it would be it, he wouldn't hurt me, he'd kill me. But he never showed up. Yesterday was the first time I'd seen him since."

"It wasn't your fault, Tommy, it wasn't," Jude shook her head emphatically. She placed the palm of her hands on the side of his face and moved so that she was looking into his eyes, "it wasn't." She repeated.

He shook his head. "I should have called the police and told them what was going. I should have called Child Welfare or something. I just charged in there, telling myself it could be contained, that I could help her. I was going to bring her back to Toronto with me." He shook his head, "Such a stupid idea. I would have been arrested. I don't know what I was thinking but if I hadn't done what I did, she'd still be here today."

"You did what she asked you to do, Tommy. She didn't want any of that, she just wanted you. She would have been so happy to see you. I know." she smiled shakily as she stroked the side of his face, "You were a good brother."

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, her lips brushing the tears away. She repeated the process on the other cheek, her lips following the trail of tears down his cheek before accidentally and innocently brushing across the corner of his lips. She felt her heart bounce in her chest at the contact and froze, kneeling in front of him. Suddenly she felt twelve years old and ridiculous but it wasn't the time to obsess over her own self conscious neurosis. He smiled at her sadly and she rested her forehead against his. She felt his whole body begin to shake as he finally gave into the pain and heartache he'd been running away from for so long.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her tightly.

When emotions are suppressed over time, the energy behind them is compacted under intense pressure. But unlike coal turning to diamonds, nothing beautiful comes from the evasion. As Tommy released the pent up emotions from his past it was like a freight train ripping through him, through the very room and for a moment it's as if all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. There's was an overwhelming, unbearable physical pain invading every inch of his body and a feeling of pure panic that washed over and overwhelmed him. He screamed, forcing out the panic, forcing out the anger and momentarily terrifying the girl holding him.

The first step is always the hardest but also the most rewarding.

- - -

Jude stopped halfway to the mailbox when she caught sight of the man pacing just beyond it. She shaded her eyes with her hands, trying to make him out in the bright morning sunshine. Her suspicions were confirmed; it was John.

"I'm not here to cause trouble," he called out when he caught sight of her.

"Tommy's not here." No sooner had she said the words then she wished she could take them back. She wasn't sure if that was something she should have revealed. John gave her the creeps and she never wanted to be alone with him again.

He nodded, "I'll go then." He turned away then stopped. "I'm sorry if I scared you last week. I didn't mean to make trouble. I just wanted to meet you and talk to my son. I haven't hit anyone since his sister's death but I still have problems with my anger and always with Tom. I wanted to apologize to him but the moment I see his face or hear his voice I just remember the night we lost Linda and see red. My anger shouldn't be at Tommy though. I'm mad at myself and I don't know how to deal with that."

"Then try a different tactic; write him a letter," she shrugged, "or send him an e-mail."

"That's actually a good idea." He nodded.

"Good. Look, I'm just going to be honest here. The way I see it, after everything that's happened you should put his wants first. If he doesn't want to forgive you then let him. If he wants you to stay away then do it. I get that you have this idea of fixing the past but don't sacrifice the present at his expense."

He looked down at the ground as she spoke and Jude was poised to race back into the house and lock the door should his anger flare up but it didn't. He simply nodded again, sadly, then turned and walked back to his car.

- - -

If Stuart Harrison was surprised to find Tommy Quincy on his doorstep early on a quiet Sunday morning, he successfully hid it. The two gazed at one another silently, like a stand off between two alpha lions in the African wilderness, a far cry from suburban Toronto.

"Jude and I have moved. I came by to give you the address should you get over yourself and feign to act on some paternal instincts and visit her," Tommy handed Stuart a folded up piece of paper, "but if you do, try not to upset her this time. She's due a little over a month and she doesn't need the stress."

"So you'll be sober then?"

Tommy had turned away and begun walking back to his car but at Stuart's words he stopped and turned back. "I don't have to justify myself to you," he responded angrily.

"If you love my daughter you have the responsibility of being the best man you can. And if that was it; you don't deserve her."

"Yeah, shouldn't the same go for you? If you love her shouldn't you be the best father you can be?"

Stuart opened his mouth to snap some angry response then stopped. "I've made some mistakes. I let her down. I know that."

"Then tell her. Fix it."

**Teasers for Chapter 48**

_"Jude," he groaned, "stop being a baby."_

"Forget it!" She tore off the headphones and threw them on the floor. "I don't need this," she retorted angrily as she threw her arms about in the air and marched toward the door.

--

Sadie sighed. "I just think that you love Jude and that you want her to support her. You always have. But you keep listening to Dad and you let him influence you into turning your back on your own daughter. That's wrong Mom. Don't do it."

She shook her head. "That's not what I'm doing," she insisted. 


	48. Chapter 48: Family

I was watching 'The Nativity Story' the other day and realized I've totally ripped off the Bible with this story

_Sorry for the delay in posting and sorry if the first scene is annoying. I was in a strange mood when I wrote it. lol._

This is 9 pages long so hopefully that makes up for the hiatus.

Comments per favor? 

**Chapter 48: Family**

"I can't believe this is it," Jude muttered. She was standing in front of a free standing microphone in the studio at G-Major. She held a set of headphones in her hands and was staring at them sadly as she fidgeted with the electrical cord, wrapping it around her index finger then unraveling it.

Directly in front of her, through a sheet of glass, Tommy leaned over to hold down the intercom button. "You're finishing your new album girl, that's a good thing."

"I know," she shrugged dramatically, "just… never mind." Biting the bullet she set the headphones on her head and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. They hadn't even begun recording yet and already her back was killing her. The song was an up tempo rock track and she knew Tommy preferred that she stand while recording songs of that type. Doing so allowed her to get into the action and motion of the song, both physically and musically. She couldn't sit down. Not yet.

She rested a hand on the curve of her belly, stroking softly and waited for the music to start.

"Just what?" Tommy's voice drifted through to her clearly through the headphones.

"Nothing," she snapped. She felt a sudden rush of sadness and anger, as if she were being bullied and pushed into a corner. Tears welled in her eyes and with even more determination she refused to look at him.

"We're not starting recording until you can leave your baggage at the door. You know that." His voice was firm and ever so slightly patronizing.

She glanced up at him just long enough to shoot a glare then turned her gaze to the glass doors facing into the lobby.

"Jude," he groaned, "_stop_ being a baby."

"Forget it!" She tore off the headphones and threw them on the floor. "I don't need this," she retorted angrily as she threw her arms about in the air and marched toward the door.

Tommy raced for the mixing room door and rushed around to intercept her. "Would you chill?" he whispered as he gently pushed her back into the sound proof space and closed the door behind them. Already they were getting curious glances from nosy onlookers. "What is with you?"

She covered her face with her hands and with her mouth closed, screamed in the back of her throat.

"You know that's bad for your voice," he reprimanded her.

"Yes, I _know_ it's bad for my voice and I know I'm acting like a baby. I know how I feel right now is absolutely ridiculous and is just down to a hormone imbalance or the fact that the baby kept me awake _all_ of last night but you know what? I don't care!" The words were blurring together in her haste to get them out. "This might be the last time I ever step foot in a studio and I don't want to do it feeling like this!" She tried to brush past him but he caught her arm and gently but firmly held her back.

"What are you talking about?" he asked softly.

She rolled her eyes, "Which part?"

He shook his head. "Jude, this is not the last time you're going to step foot in a studio."

She lifted her chin stubbornly, "You don't know that. It may be. People might not buy my album either because it sucks or they're judging me for my mistakes. I might lose my contract and never be given a chance to record again," he tried to interrupt but she held up a finger, stopping him, "or everything might change. I might have this baby and it might change my life so much that I don't want to record anymore or so that I'm no longer capable of writing music. Heck, it might change my voice."

He smiled slightly, "it won't change your voice Jude."

"Stop patronizing me!" She snapped angrily. She took a step back from him, feeling the urge to break or stomp on something as adrenaline rushed through her veins and blood pumped angrily in her ears.

"I think you need to eat something or take a nap or something."

"You're still doing it." She muttered.

"You are _never_ going to lose your music Jude. This baby isn't going to take that away from you. Yes, she'll change things. Yes, you won't see the world the same way after but your music will only improve for that. And if people resent you at first, that's there problem. You'll just stick to it, be the strong person you always are and _change their minds_. This isn't some final chapter it's just the beginning."

- - -

"I'm sorry about back there," Jude remarked with a frustrated eye roll. She and Tommy had gone out for lunch and were seated at a private booth in the back of the restaurant. "I was being a Drama Queen."

"I noticed," he remarked wryly as he stabbed at his meal with his fork.

"I'm sorry I've been so wrapped up in myself lately," she leaned back in he chair to watch him. "How have you been doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Nothing else has happened with your Dad?"

"Haven't heard from him since the day he came around to the house." He glanced up at her as he took another bite of his food. He chewed a couple of times then swallowed quickly. "Wait. Have you?"

He gaze had drifted to the door as she watched a tired mother with a baby attempting to keep the child from screaming and find it's bottle in the oversized bag of supplies she had slung over one shoulder. At his words she slowly turned her attention back to him, with resignation. "He came around the day after. You were out."

Tommy's mind flittered back to the days events and he remembered his visit with Stuart. Irony of ironies, his father had visited Jude while he visited her father. "Did he do anything?"

She shook her head. "He was polite and apologetic. He said he doesn't blame you and that he blames himself but he can't get past his anger."

"Same old problem. Never goes away." He shook his head. "I do," he paused, "I do feel better though - since we talked about it. Kind of like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders and maybe I can just proceed with my life without always feeling like it's a crime to do so."

She smiled and reached across the table to cover his hand with hers. "I'm really glad to hear that."

- - -

The next couple of weeks passed in an unusually drama free haze. With their numerous issues out of sigh and out of mind, neither Jude nor Tommy really knew what to do with them selves. He spent a lot of time at the studio or baby proofing the house. They spent an entire afternoon struggling to assemble the baby's cot. When they had finished it looked okay though there were at least three screws and one plank of wood left over that shouldn't have been.

Jude spent her time reading up on babies. She scoured the internet, read all the books, familiarized herself with the medical information and basically fretted and worried about the impending arrival.

It was a few weeks until the baby was due, and rather down to the line when Sadie got the idea to throw a baby shower. It was a hasty job, essentially organized in one day of super speed planning. She bribed Tommy into taking Jude out toy shopping while she decorated the house with streamers and cheesy baby things. She invited friends and then she set out to the do the most important part of all.

- - -

Sadie paused on the top step as her mother came through the front door laden with groceries.

"Oh there you are honey," she said, noticing her eldest daughter on the stairs. "Could you give me a hand with these?"

"Sure."

She joined her mother in the kitchen and began putting items away in their appropriate places. After a moment or two of silence she tentatively spoke up.

"Mom? What were you like when you were pregnant with me?"

Mrs. Harrison glanced at her over her shoulder as she stood on the tips of her toes and deposited a box of chocolate biscuits on a high shelf. "What do you mean?"

"Well I was your first kid. Were you nervous? Scared? Regretful?"

"Honey," she crossed the room and caressed her cheek, "I was thrilled to be having you and there was never a day I regretted any moment of our journey together."

Sadie hopped up to sit on the edge of the counter as she watched her continue to organize. "How did Dad feel?"

"Well things weren't going so well at work at the time. Money was tight. I guess he worried about how we were going to make ends meet."

"Did he want to have a baby?"

Mrs. Harrison looked at the floor. She was facing away from Sadie and the pause in her actions and the way she hadn't turned around implied something she didn't wish to reveal. "Not at first."

"But I guess you didn't always listen to and do everything he said back then, because here I am." The words came out sounding harsher then she'd intended and she bit her lip nervously.

Mrs. Harrison was frowning as she turned to face her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sadie sighed. "I just think that you love Jude and that you want to support her. You always have. But you keep listening to Dad and you let him influence you into turning your back on your own daughter. That's wrong Mom. Don't do it."

She shook her head. "That's not what I'm doing," she insisted.

"So you actually wanted to kick your pregnant seventeen-year-old daughter out onto the streets? You didn't want to talk to her and find out exactly what happened, see if she was okay, help her?"

"Of course I did."

"See? I know that! I do." She hopped down off the counter and walked over to her mouth, taking her hands in hers. "And I think you should start doing that now. I've organized a baby shower for this afternoon and I really want you to come. Jude would too."

"I don't know."

"_Please_ Mom."

- - -

The baby shower was in full swing when Mrs. Harrison arrived. Sadie had situated herself near a window and was constantly leaning back in her chair precariously to check the street outside. She hadn't mentioned to Jude that their Mother may come for fear of getting her hopes up.

Tommy had been banished to the second floor of the house but considering the barrage of female giggling that was floating up the stairs to him, Sadie didn't expect he was tempted to party crash.

"This is the cutest thing ever" Jude was gushing as she held up a woolen baby jersey for everyone to see. She smiled at Portia. "You made this? It looks designer or something!"

Sadie casually leaned back in her chair to check the street again. In her surprise at seeing her mother already half way up the front walk. she forgot to balance and the chair crashed to the ground. Her feet were thrown into the air and the room full of woman all spun around to stair at her in concern.

"Geez, Sadie, "Lucia, a new studio musician she'd invited at the last minute to pad out the guest list, remarked, "Are you drunk or something? This is the baby shower not the hen night." Her eyes widened and she turned to Jude, "Oh! You must call me when you're planning the bachelorette party. I know the hottest-"

"Hold that thought!" Sadie interrupted, noting her sister's horrified expression. She was still attempting to disentangle herself from the chair when the doorbell chimed. "Jude? Could you get that?"

She stifled a giggle as she watched her sister get up from the sofa. Her method involved inching her feet forward, pushing her massive belly into the air and then pushing away from the sofa with her hands. The image, her little sister, like that was just so strange and amusing. She wasn't sure why she suppressed her teasing, Jude certainly wouldn't do the same when it was Sadie's turn, especially after having experienced it all first.

"Excuse me ladies," Sadie murmured when she had finally scrambled to her feet. She raced after her sister then paused a respectful distance behind in the hallway. She was there if needed, absent if not. She paused at the bottom of the stairs and absentmindedly glanced up. She did a double take when she was Tommy standing at the top of the stairs, watching Jude nervously. Had he seen Victoria through the upstairs window or just sensed what could be a difficult situation arising?

"Mom?" Jude stared at her mother in astonishment. It felt like years since she'd seen her face and it had changed so much. There were new streaks of grey in her hair, new crows feet around her eyes and a grey pallor to her skin.

Victoria fidgeted nervously with the hands of the bag she was carrying. "I'm sorry I'm late. I was trying to find the perfect gift."

"You didn't need to get us anything," Jude insisted, shaking her head softly.

"Yes," she said seriously, as she handed her the bag. "Yes I did."

She stopped speaking, her eyes glued to Jude's face. "Honey," she said softly, her voice shaking with tears. "I missed you so much."

Jude dropped the bag on the floor as she leapt forward and threw her arms around her mother. "I missed you too."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Victoria mumbled into her hair as she squeezed her tightly.

After a lengthy hug and a lot of crying, during which time Sadie went in search of tissues the two women separated. Victoria picked up the bag and handed it back to Jude. She gently wiped away her daughter's tears with her thumb then wrapped and arm around her shoulder. "You're glowing. You now that? It's so great to see you this happy."

The two walked into the lounge, arms wrapped around one another and Sadie breathed a sigh of relief. Setting the box of tissues on a table she turned to look up the stairs to Tommy. Smiling she gave a thumbs up signal and he nodded and smiled in agreement.

- - -

Jude paused in the living room door way to watch the happy group of women devouring chocolate cake and talking up a storm. Sadie, seated beside her mother caught her eye and the two exchanged a smile, numerous unspoken words passing between them. Sadie nodded, accepting the gratitude in her sister's eyes.

The laughter was still floating up the stairs behind her as Jude made her way up to Tommy's room. She found him sitting on the edge of his bed, a guitar resting on his knee as he strummed a couple of chords. He was humming softly, occasionally trying out words with the music. She paused in the doorway to listen for a moment, until an extra loud burst of laughter from downstairs startled him and he turned to see her in the doorway.

"Hey," she smiled, "I thought I'd come check you were surviving all alone up here."

He nodded, setting the guitar down on the bed next to him. "Is that for me?" He asked, tilting his head toward the plate of chocolate cake in her hand.

She giggled, "It sure is." She walked into the room and handed it to him. He instantly began to eat, rolling his eyes mockingly at his own enthusiasm. "This is really good," he mumbled with his mouth full, his eyes barely leaving the plate.

She stroked her stomach affectionately, lost in a euphoric moment with her unborn child as he continued to devour the cake. "I like what you were working on," she nodded to the guitar.

"How much did you hear?"

"Just a few chords. Why? Is it a secret?" Her eyes sparkled.

"Maybe. It's just not ready yet."

She nodded. "Well I better get back down stairs. Do you need anything?"

"I was going to come get a coffee."

"I can get that for you."

He shook his head as he stood up. "Nuh-uh. It's your party, you should be enjoying it, not waiting on me."

"I don't mind," she insisted as he gently pushed her toward the door.

"You. Party. Now."

"Wow, you're so bossy," she teased.

They were laughing when they reached the top of the stairs. The doorbell chimed and Jude noticed Sadie getting to her feet. She waved her off as she hurried down the stairs. "I'll get it." She called. She reached behind her for Tommy's hand and gave it a squeeze as she pulled the door open.

"Dad," she gasped.

Stuart Harrison looked entirely uncomfortable and out of place as he fidgeted on the doorstep. His gaze turned from the rose bush by the door to Jude, then flittered over to Tommy and paused on their intertwined hands.

"Um, hi," he took of his hat and fidgeted with it nervously. "I came by to pick up Victoria. Her car was in the shop so I dropped her off…"

"Right. Sure," Jude's voice was raspy and uncertain as she turned from the door. "I'll, uh, go get her."

Her hand slid from Tommy's as she rushed down the hallway to the lounge. He watched her go then turned to Stuart. The two gazed at one another in grim silence. Just as with Jude and Sadie, numerous unspoken words passed between them but of an entirely different nature.

"Don't ruin this for her," Tommy said firmly, seconds before Jude reemerged from the lounge with her mother and Sadie following.

"Stuart," Victoria glanced at him nervously, "You're a little early."

"I'm sorry, I can come back."

"No," she fidgeted with her sleeve, "I should probably be starting on dinner anyway." She turned to Jude and ran a hand down her cheek. "Thank-you for letting me be here," she said, tears welling in her eyes.

"Thank-you for coming." She hugged her mother to her, squeezing her tightly as the two swayed slightly.

Victoria pulled back, sniffing slightly and reached down to pat Jude's stomach. "You take care."

Jude nodded and watched as she walked to the door and brushed past Stuart. Tommy was leaning against the open door, his gaze fixed on Stuart, silent and threatening.

Stuart turned to leave then turned. He glanced from Tommy to Sadie, then to Jude. "How… how are you?"

She nodded. "I'm good. How are you?"

He paused for a moment, his eyes on the ground. "I'm okay." Everyone present was surprised to hear his voice crack. He glanced up, his eyes on Jude as if she were the only person there. "I really miss you, Honey."

"Yeah," she whispered. "Me too."

"Maybe we could go out for lunch some time?" His expression was hopeful and fearful all at once.

She smiled. "I'd like that."

**Teasers for Chapter 49**

_"It's okay to be scared."_

"I'm not scared." He gave her a disbelieving book and she smiled sheepishly. "I'm terrified," she admitted in a whisper.


	49. Chapter 49: Danger

This chapter is a little sleepy but the next one is action packed

_This chapter is a little sleepy but the next one is action packed. It's just the kind of stuff I enjoy writing and I actually wrote the entire thing in one sitting (stayed up 'til 1am too)_

_  
Please comment. _

**Chapter 49: Danger**

A week passed quietly after the baby shower. It was full of gradual settling and adjusting to the new home and lazy evenings spent on the patio or in the pool. Jude spent many nights curled up on the swinging chair with a good book, listening to the breeze rustling in the trees.

Jude and Sadie had been out at one of their weekly birthing classes while Tommy had spent the afternoon working on a song. Hearing a car pull up, he opened the front door as Jude and Sadie walked up the front path. He leaned against the door frame and took a sip from the coffee he was holding.

"Hey ladies, how'd it go?" He asked when they reached him.

Jude mumbled something and brushed past him. He glanced over his shoulder to see her slowly climbing the stairs, her head down. He turned back to Sadie questioningly.

"The class was a little tough for her. I think she's starting to really worry about the delivery."

He nodded. "It's good of you to go through this with her Sadie. It'll help her having you as her birth partner."

She fiddled with her hair nervously, "I guess so. I just, I'm not sure if I'm the right person for this. I can't stand seeing her in pain. I'm worried I might punch the Doctor for not giving her enough pain killers or something." She laughed. "You're going to be there right?"

He nodded, "in the waiting room, yes." He shook his head as she gave him an imploring look. "No, Sades, she doesn't want me in the delivery room. If she did she would have said. And I don't blame her. I mean, we're not-" he cringed, "you know and that's kind of an…"

"Embarrassing and revealing experience," she supplied with raised eyebrow, an amused smile flickering on her lips.

He shrugged. "I don't want her to be uncomfortable."

"Okay," she turned and walked down the front steps, "but if I pass out or get escorted from the premises by hospital security; I'm counting on you."

- - -

Jude padded into the living room later that evening. She'd been dozing in her room since getting back from her birthing class with Sadie. The room was dark when she entered, only a pale bluish light from the TV screen illuminating Tommy sitting on the middle of the sofa.

"What are you watching?" she asked as she paused behind him.

"Junior."

She smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder, "feeling queasy yet?"

He nodded, his expression grim and a little green, "a little." He patted the sofa next to him, "come sit down."

She complied and snuggled into his side. He pulled a blanket up around her shoulders then loosely wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She lifted her head from his shoulder to glance at his face. "I'm fine."

"It's okay to be scared."

"I'm not scared." He gave her a disbelieving book and she smiled sheepishly. "I'm terrified," she admitted in a whisper.

He looked at her intently and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She gazed into his eyes for a second then broke the contact by lowering her eyes. His hand slid up from her shoulder to gently cup the back of her head as he leaned forward and softly pressed his lips to her forehead.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, lowering his mouth to her hair as his hand slid down to rub her back. "We're all here for you."

- - -

Tommy muttered to himself angrily as the hammer he was navigating crashed into his thumb painfully. He'd been hanging pictures in the nursery; cute images of kittens and teddy bears but had discovered his DIY skills weren't quite what they should be.

Jude's voice interrupted his cringing and hand shaking. "It looks great in here."

He turned to her and not willing to have her know about her cliché of manhood failure, he hid his hand behind his back and acted cool and nonchalant. "I think we just about have everything we need." He nodded around the room.

"Just about? We've got the crib, the changing table, the baby bath and pretty much every toy and accessory known to man kind." She walked into the room, pointing out the items as she spoke. "This is going to be one spoilt kid. What are we missing?"

He set the hammer down on the floor, shooting a reproachful glare at it. He walked up behind her and reached around her to take her hands in his. He rested his chin on her shoulder and nudged her to turn to the left. "Something for you; a rocking chair," he pointed with their joined hands to a spot by the crib which stood in the middle of the room. "I've saved a spot for it right here."

She smiled as she leaned back against him and closed her eyes, imagining herself seated in the chair, slowly rocking her baby to sleep. "That sounds amazing."

"Great. Well how about we leave the hammering," he made a face, "for later and go get one now."

She raised her eyebrows as she turned to face him. "How impulsive of you."

He shrugged, "makes life interesting."

- - -

"How about this one?" Tommy asked as he walked over to a mahogany rocking chair with a soft cream cushioned seat.

Jude made overly serious face as she walked over to the rocking chair. She paused in front of it, squared her shoulders, brushed down her clothes and handed him her purse. Behaving like a scientist conducting an intense scientific experience she turned around and slowly lowered herself into the chair. Tommy watched expectantly as she rocked back and forth.

"Well?"

"A little hard," she responded, making a slight face.

"Right," he offered her his hand and helped pull her up from the chair and glanced around the store room. "There. How about that one?" He pointed across the showroom to a white wooden rocking chair with satin cushions on the seat, back and arm rests.

"Looks good," she took his hand and they started walking across the room. "Um, there's kind of something I wanted to run by you."

"Shoot."

She chewed on her lip nervously. "Well, my Mother called this morning to ask us to dinner?"

He glanced down at her. "With your family?" She nodded, "your entire family?"

She nodded again, "Sadie, Mom… and Dad."

He ran a hand over the back of his neck. It had been two weeks since Jude's baby shower. He knew she and her father had spoken on the phone a couple of times since then but they hadn't really discussed the rebuilding of their relationship.

"I don't want to encroach on your time with your family. Things are only starting to get back to normal; I wouldn't want to aggravate things."

She elbowed him slightly, "or you're scared."

He shook his head. "Well your Dad did want to kill me. But it's not that, I'm not scared. I just think it would be better for everyone without me there."

She stopped walking and turned to face him. "But I want you there." He looked unconvinced and she pouted slightly. "Please, Tommy? You're part of my family now and it wouldn't be a family dinner without you."

He glanced around the room to avoid meeting her eyes as the memories of the day they told her parents and the way her father had acted flashed across his mind. The truth was he really hated Stuart Harrison. He hated the way he'd treated his daughter, how he'd turned on her, thrown her away and how much he'd hurt her. Whenever he saw him he had such a hard time controlling his anger and the thought of being trapped across a table from him for hours on end seemed far too dangerous. He wasn't sure he'd be able to control his tongue or his temper for that long.

Jude reached up, interrupting his thoughts as she placed the palm of her hand on his cheek softly, turning his face to hers. "I'm sorry," she said regretfully, "I'm being selfish. If you're uncomfortable with it, I have no right to force you. You do more then enough for me. I'm sorry. Forget I asked, okay?"

She forced a small, wobbly smile and turned away from him, her hand falling to her side. "So this is the chair?" she walked over to it. "Let's see how it feels."

She precariously lowered herself onto it as Tommy remained rooted to the spot she'd left him in. She closed her eyes, leaning her head back as the chair rocked back and forth. After ten or so seconds she opened one eye and nodded to him. "_This_ is the chair."

- - -

Jude was pulling her hair into a ponytail and ignoring the nervous fluttering of butterflies in her stomach when there was a soft tap at her partially ajar bedroom door.

"Come in," she called.

The door slowly swung open and she looked up to see Tommy leaning against the doorframe. He was wearing a pair of dress pants, and a crisp white shirt. She paused and eyed him curiously.

"Why are you so dressed up?"

He shrugged and walked into the room. "Well I figured dinner with a girl's folks was good enough reason to get a little polished up."

She stared at him incredulously, a smile spreading across her face. "Really?" she squeaked, "you're going to come?" He nodded. "You're sure? I don't want you to feel obligated."

He shook his head. "If you want me to be there then I want to be there."

Her smile grew to a grin. "Thank-you."

- - -

Jude tucked her arm through Tommy's as they paused by the mailbox of her parent's home. "You nervous?" he asked. He placed his hand over hers comfortingly.

She nodded. "Dad's trying but things are still a little tense between us. I really don't know how this is going to go."

"Have you ever considered telling them the truth about us, and Justin?"

She glanced over at him. "I guess. I don't really know. Sometimes it seems like a good idea and then the next it just terrifies me. I really don't know how they'd react but I know things would get complicated."

The front door opened, pulling their attention away from another. Sadie stood in the open doorway, waving them over. "Dad's in a good mood tonight," she said when they reached her. "and Dinner smells delicious. I think tonight is going to be okay."

Jude nodded nervously and gave her a quick hug.

"I can't believe how big you're getting," Sadie teased as she took her and Tommy's jacket and hung them in the hall closet.

"Thank-you," Jude responded in a warning tone. "No more of that please."

Sadie walked ahead and Jude turned to check on Tommy. He had his hands in his pockets as he glanced around the room. "You okay?" she asked.

He nodded. "It seems like such a long time ago; the day we told your parents. I feel like we've lived an entire life since then."

She nodded. "My life before all of this, it almost feels like a distant dream now. Or like someone else's life that I just observed and remember but feel really disconnected from. It's strange how things can change in such a small amount of time."

Tommy paused at the bottom of the staircase, his hand lingering on the banister as Jude fiddled with her hair in the hall mirror and tried to psyche herself into walking into the dining room. Tommy paused by the family Portrait's lining the staircase and gazed at the stroppy young Jude smiling happily, her fiery red hair grabbing his attention in every shot and drawing his eyes to hers. He could imagine a young Jude floating through this very room so many times, her hair in precocious pigtails.

"Here goes," she said softly, breaking him from his daydreams, as she waited for him by the kitchen door.

"Honey," Victoria raced over to hug her daughter a they entered the room. She was wearing a floral apron and had a smudge of flour on her cheek. She looked the part of a cliché, old fashioned housewife, but comfortable and happy with that label. It was something Tommy had never seen growing up; his mother was always miserable and timid.

Stuart had been setting the table. He didn't really look up as they entered the room; instead he continued to painstakingly place the knives and forks. He'd pause to assess each setting, straightening a knife here or rotating the plate.

"Hi Dad," Jude said tentatively.

He glanced up, pretending to have only just noticed her arrival. He smiled as he walked around to the table to hug her. "Here, have a seat." He pulled out a chair and she sat down, nervously looking over her shoulder at Tommy the whole time.

"Good evening Mr. Harrison," he said, offering his hand.

The entire room seemed to pause, waiting for the response. Stuart glanced at Tommy, then Jude, his eyes drifted down to Tommy's hand then with obvious resignation he shook it limply.

"Here have a seat next to Jude, Tommy," Sadie leapt forward, noticing the obvious tension and grim expressions on both men's face. She put a hand on Tommy's shoulder and turned him to the table as she glared at her father.

A hazy hallucination of the Robot from 'Lost in Space' floated into Jude's mind, waving it's mechanical arms wildly as it chanted 'Danger, Danger, Jude Harrison!'

**Teasers for Chapter 50**

_Jude had set down her knife and fork beside her plate. She leaned back in her seat as she watched her father. Tommy glanced at her questioningly and she shook her head subtly. She wanted to say, 'Don't make any sudden moves. Don't aggravate him. He's going to blow' but didn't dare make a sound._

--

"You taught me Dad. You taught me to receive as you give; to let people walk over to me, to expect nothing from a man, to believe that love is just some stupid idea from a fairy tale and not something I could ever be good enough to receive." 


	50. Chapter 50: Inevitable

Here you go

Here you go. It's a dramatic one so please comment!

**Chapter 50: Inevitable**

The atmosphere in the room was tense but everyone chose to ignore it. Soft instrumental music was playing and the addition of candles in the middle of the table made the room glow with warmth.

"So, how is the new album going, honey?" Victoria asked as she passed a plate of mashed potatoes across the table to Jude.

Jude nodded and swallowed the mouthful of food she'd been chewing. "It's good. I actually finished up recording last week. It's being mixed and finalized now."

Victoria smiled. "I can't wait to hear it." She turned her attention to Tommy. "And what about you Tommy, what are you working on at the moment?"

"I'm finishing up Jude's album then taking some time off to," he coughed, intentionally disguising the words; "help out when the baby comes."

"You okay there?" Stuart asked gruffly, glaring at Tommy.

Victoria glanced down at her plate and nervously poked at her peas.

"You should see the nursery they've set up," Sadie said, "it's absolutely adorable."

Victoria smiled, "How lovely."

Stuart was glowering at his plate. He stabbed at his steak repeatedly and dropped his knife. It clattered onto the plate then slid off and fell to the floor. All four heads at the table glanced over at him sharply.

"Are you okay?" Victoria asked. Her voice was shaky, her eyes nervous as she reached over and put a hand on his arm. He shook it off.

"Don't," he muttered angrily.

Jude had set down her knife and fork beside her plate. She leaned back in her seat, one hand unconsciously drifting to her stomach, stroking it protectively as if to soothe the baby inside. All the while she watched her father silently. Tommy glanced at her questioningly and she shook her head subtly. She wanted to say, 'Don't make any sudden moves. Don't aggravate him. He's going to blow' but didn't dare make a sound.

"I don't understand why we're doing this," Stuart said slowly. He balled up his napkin and tossed it down on the table then stood to his feet and pointed his finger at Tommy accusingly. "He did this. He tore this family apart! He ruined our daughter and we're just going to sit here and pretend like nothing happened?"

"Stuart, please," Victoria said desperately, "don't make a scene."

"I'm hardly ruined Dad," Jude remarked angrily, feeling a familiar anger welling up within her.

"Honey, please," Victoria shot her a pleading look.

"No! You invited us here. I thought you wanted to try to patch things up and then you go and do this. This isn't fair! You have no right to speak to Tommy like that and no right to imply that I'm some broken person! I'm fine! I'm happy!"

Stuart shook his head, "You're just a child. We shouldn't even be having this conversation."

Tommy spoke up. "Sir, with all due respect-"

"With all due respect," Stuart echoed, his voice rising, "you _have_ no respect! So don't start a sentence with those words son, not when you're standing in my house, with my daughter and talking to me."

Jude reached for Tommy, totally unaware of how many her own nervous actions where mimicking those of her mother. She saw his hands balling into fists and turned his face to hers with a hand on his cheek. Their eyes met and she shook her head sadly, trying to communicate how much she regretted everything that was transpiring while begging him not to push the situation.

Accepting her pleas, Tommy pushed back his chair. "Excuse me." He said as he quickly left the room.

Jude stood up slowly. She moved away from the table then pushed her chair in. It squealed loudly as the legs scraped against the floor.

"I was better off," she said evenly, "without you. Without you judging me and the people I love. You just stand on your high horse looking down at all of us without once thinking of what role you may have played in all of this. Because you were the perfect father, right? I never lacked for anything. I had a roof over my head, food on my plate, an education and every ounce of love and respect my father could give?" He voice broke on the last words, the ones that weren't true. "You didn't care Dad. You didn't care before I embarrassed you so stop acting as if you're some wounded party. You're just a bystander. It had _nothing_ to do with you."

Sadie, who had been watching the scene unfurl in horror, spoke for the first time. "Jude, I think maybe we should all just take a step back and not say something we regret it."

Jude shook her head. "No, not saying something is what I'd regret." She turned back to her father, "You taught me Dad. You taught me to receive as _you_ gave; to let people walk over me, to expect nothing from a man, to believe that love is just some stupid idea from a fairy tale and not something I could ever be good enough to receive." She closed her eyes, forcing out the hot, angry tears that had been pooling there. She shook her head angrily, "but this isn't right. I shouldn't blame you. I did what I did. I took myself to the place I ended up. I am the only one left on this earth who is at fault. If you're going to hate someone, _hate me_. Leave Tommy alone or so help me, I will _never_ speak to you again."

- - -

Jude had barely finished her angry tirade when her father turned and stormed from the room. A moment later the entire house shook as the front door was slammed angrily. Sadie peeled back the curtains to watch as his car sped off up the road in a squeal of skidding car tires. She turned to Jude who was standing in the middle of the room, her arms crossed over her stomach and her shoulders slumped.

"Wow," admiration was evident in her voice.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," Victoria said softly. She walked over and put a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Jude shook her head, tears pouring from her eyes. "So am I. Oh Mom, I've screwed everything up so much." Victoria pulled her into her arms and stroked her back as she cried.

Jude only allowed her self to wallow in pity for a couple of minutes before she pulled back and brushed away her tears. "Is Tommy's car still outside?" she asked Sadie.

Sadie nodded, "I think he's still in the house."

Jude frowned in surprise. She'd assumed he would have left the building. She glanced over her shoulder and out into the foyer and motioned to her mother, sending a silent message to Sadie to keep her there.

"Tommy?" Jude called as she paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you here?" A floorboard squeaked upstairs and she moved up the stairs toward the sound as quickly as her body would allow.

Soft light was spilling from the doorway of her old bedroom as she walked down the corridor. She frowned, tilting her head to the side as she peered inside. "Tommy?"

He was sitting on the end of her bed, his back to the door. At the sound of her name he glanced over his shoulder. "Hey."

She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. "You found it huh?"

He nodded silently.

"I feel like I haven't been in here for years," she said softly, her eyes drifting from her posters on the wall to the scruffy old stuffed toy sitting on her pillow. She sat down on the bed next to Tommy, feeling the mattress sink beneath her. "I am _so_ sorry. I should never have made you come tonight."

"It's not your fault," his voice was husky as he shook his head.

"Yeah, it is. They're my family." She gazed down at the floor board. "I should have told them the truth. I shouldn't have let him treat you like that." She shook her head, "I'm going to tell them the truth."

He glanced over at her, silence settling between them as his eyes scanned her face. "What do you think will happen?"

She sighed and let her head fall forward. "They'll probably go into self containment mode," she glanced at him then looked away quickly, "I lied before; when I said I hadn't really thought about it. I've been considering telling them ever since Justin died. But the way I see it they're going to want to deal with everything themselves. They'll probably make me move back home."

"They can't force you to do anything."

"I'm a minor still. Dad's got some pretty big legal friends. He'd find a way." Tears pooled in her eyes again. "He'll be embarrassed. That's the problem. He'll be mad that I went to you for help and not him. He won't see that there's no way I could have told him. It'll be bad enough now but at least I can say what happened and who it happened with. He would never have accepted 'I don't remember'." She paused, feeling the fear and emotion swirling around within her like a raging tornado. "He'll keep us apart Tommy," she met his eyes and saw her own emotions reflected in his, "That's why I was so scared of telling the truth."

He leaned over to stroke her cheek with the pad of his thumb and shook his head. "Then you can't tell them, at least not now. I don't mind being the bad guy, not if it means keeping us together." He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers, "we're a family Jude. That's all that matters."

She smiled sadly, tears still streaming down her face. She reached up to wrap a hand around the back of his neck, hugging him to her. But the hug was cut short when she suddenly gasped sharply.

He pulled back. "What? What is it?"

Her eyes were scrunched shut in pain as she clutched her stomach.

"Jude, what is it?"

She was breathing heavy, her body shaking as her eyes fluttered open. "I think," she exhaled slowly as the pain finally began to ease, "I think it was a contraction."

His eyes widened as he moved toward the edge of the bed, attempting to stand up but somehow managing to slip on the loose rug thrown over the hardwood floor. He slipped and crashed to the floor with a loud crash then scrambled to his feet, completely unaware it had even happened. "Oh my God. Right now? Here?"

She'd closed her eyes again as she forced herself to take deep breathes and remain calm. Something was changing inside her. Her body suddenly felt alive and sensitive. She nodded quickly. "I'm having this baby Tommy. It's happening."

- - -

Tommy was slowly helping Jude down the stairs when Victoria appeared at the bottom. "What's all the commotion? I heard crashing."

Jude was panting, one hand clutching her stomach. She glanced down at her mother. "I'm having the baby Mom. Where's Sadie?"

Victoria's eyes widened in shock, "She left. One of her friends called. There was some big emergency or something and she ran out the door."

Jude moaned loudly, both from the news of her birth partner's absence and a new sensation that was forming in the base of her abdomen.

"It's okay," Tommy said shakily, trying to remain calm. He guided her to the sofa. "We'll just call her cell and get her back here right away." He nodded to Victoria who hurried across the room to the phone and dialed the numbers with shaking fingers. The tune of 'Pick up the Pieces' rang through the room and all three heads turned to the coffee table where Sadie's hot pink cell phone was vibrating insistently.

"She forgot her phone," Victoria stated the obvious. The receiver slipped from her hand as she gazed at the cell phone stupidly.

"She's not going to be any help," Jude said softly, shaking her head at Tommy.

He glanced over at Victoria who was still standing with the receiver clutched in her hands. Her eyes were wide as she gazed into space.

"She doesn't deal well with stressful situations," Jude said quickly. "Help me up," she held her hands out to him expectantly.

"Shouldn't we call an ambulance or something?" he asked as he took her hands but didn't move to help her in his uncertainty.

She shook her head. "No time. I want to get to the hospital now."

**Teasers for Chapter 51**

_He rubbed her back and pulled away the strands of hair that were sticking to the back of her neck as the contraction ripped through her body. "It'll pass," He murmured, trying to reassure her._

"Yeah, then there'll be another and another and another and then they won't stop." She spoke quickly, a note of desperation in her voice as she gasped for air.


	51. Chapter 51: Baby

AN: So my laptop died recently and I have no money to buy a new one

AN: So my laptop died recently and I have no money to buy a new one. It's causing a bit of a delay in the writing (this chapter was written beforehand)

I don't know if anyone reading this has actually given birth. If so and you find it totally unrealistic; apologies - I haven't done it myself. I did read a couple of pages of a medical journal on labour (and made myself entirely nauseous) for research. Part of this chapter was actually written a year and a half ago so it's nice to finally get it out there.  
Do we have any ER fans reading? I couldn't help myself.

Please, please comment. I've been missing reviews during my recent writing drought.

**Chapter 51: Baby**

The drive to the hospital was tense. Tommy found himself constantly climbing above the speed limit and it was only Jude's scolding that would pull him back. His heart was pounding so heavily in his chest he could practically hear the beat echoing in his ears. About five or so minutes into the drive another contraction hit and Jude shrank back against the chair, her whole body tensing in pain.

"You okay?" he asked as he reached for her hand.

She nodded quickly. "Yes, yes. Please concentrate on driving."

He nodded and turned his attention back to the road.

"This is really happening," she murmured to herself, "That was like, six minutes right, between contractions? They said to get to the hospital when they came more regularly then seven but I thought there were big gaps before that happened."

"Maybe it's the stress?" he pointed out.

She groaned, "dinner with my family was _not_ a good idea." She glanced around the interior of the car, "and neither was taking the Viper out tonight. I do not want my water to break in your car."

He laughed, "You think I care about that?"

She made a face, "Who are you and where did Tommy Quincy go?"

- - -

At the hospital there was a lot of fussing and chaos surrounding Jude. She was wheeled into the hospital in a wheelchair, moaning in pain as a new contraction hit. Tommy was held up at the front desk filling out insurance information. He felt a dull ache in his chest as Jude was wheeled away and disappeared out of sight.

He'd just handed the clipboard back to the clerk when a doctor in a white suit walked over to him. "Mr. Quincy?" she asked. When he nodded she continued, "Your wife has been taken into one of the pre-birth rooms. She isn't dilated enough to give birth just yet so at this point we're just waiting for things to progress. Come with me and I'll take you to her room."

"Um," he scratched the back of his neck nervously as he followed the confident doctor down the barren, white hallway. "Dr. Lockhart is it? Um, I'm not actually her birth partner… and we're not married either, just… dating."

She glanced sideways at him, and raised her eyebrows briefly as if she'd just appraised him and he'd come up short. "Mmhmm. Well the next stage of delivery can take a significant amount of time but I would recommend getting the birth partner here as soon as possible." She paused at a doorway. "Here we are. There's a buzzer by Jude's bed if you need me and a nurse will check in regularly."

He watched her walk away then took a fortifying breathe. The hallway seemed to contract around him, the polished floors reflected the walls in such detail it caused an almost kaleidoscope effect around him.

"Tommy?" Jude panted from within the room, "is that you?"

He forced a smile onto his face as he turned and walked into the room, "How are you doing?"

She leaned her head back against the pillow and exhaled, "I've been here five minutes and I'm already exhausted. They say with first babies the whole thing can take more then twenty-four hours."

Unable to think of anything useful to say he walked over to the side of the bed and took her hand in his comfortingly.

"Where you able to find Sadie?"

He shook his head, "I haven't had a chance to look yet. But your Mother said she was going to make some calls at the house then come here straight after. Hopefully she'll bring Sadie with her."

Jude nodded slowly, "hopefully," she echoed.

- - -

An hour into Jude's labor her contractions were coming a few minutes more regularly and she was now a couple of centimeters dilated. Her back was aching, she was sweating just enough to have that irritated sticky feeling and there was still no sign of Sadie.

She moaned in pain softly and Tommy leaned forward in his chair. "Is it another contraction?"

She shook her head, "Just my back. It's killing me."

He glanced over at the nurse, asking with his eyes if there was anything that could be done.

"Sometimes it helps when the Daddy-to-be gives the Mommy-to-be a backrub," she pointed out with a soft smile and a tone that was both patronizing and comforting. The wisdom of her many years experience was evident and he was going to take any help he could get.

He glanced at Jude. "Would you like that?"

Her eyes were scrunched shut in pain as she nodded her head quickly. The nurse tried not to smile as Tommy glanced at her again. She motioned to the bed and mouthed, "Climb up behind her."

Doing so was awkward. The bed swayed ever so slightly and for a moment he wondered if the wheels were anchored and if it could take both their weight. He'd never forgive himself if it suddenly collapsed beneath them. At his urging Jude slowly sat forward, her movements slow and sluggish. He nestled in behind her and positioned his legs on either side of her then inhaled slowly. The midwife gave him a subtle thumbs up sign then pretended to busy herself with the chart she was reading.

Jude sighed in contentment as Tommy began to gently massage her back, starting with her shoulders then sliding down to her middle and lower back. She leaned forward as much as was possible and shrugged her shoulders upward, stretching the muscles that until then had been wound tightly. After a few moments he was able to feel her body relax beneath his fingers and gradually slowed his motions as he worked his way back up to her shoulders and she gradually leaned back against him.

A moment later another contraction began and her body tensed as she cried out in pain. Her fingers dug into the sheets, twisting the fabric as her hands formed into fists and her back arched.

Tommy held on tight, whispering comforting words into her ear as he stroked her hair. A moment later the contraction ended and with a soft sigh of relief, her muscles slowly relaxed and she sank back onto the bed and into his arms. Slowly her breathing returned to normal.

He glanced at the nurse, "How much longer?" he asked.

"Hard to say but we're probably still talking hours."

"Do you need to be here?" His words were clipped and almost harsh but she wasn't offended.

She shook her head, "I'll check back in a quarter of an hour. Just press the buzzer if you need me."

She quietly slipped from the room and Tommy and Jude were left alone. He wondered if she would ask him to leave too. The plan had never been for him to be present. It wasn't even something they'd discussed. She'd chosen Sadie as her birth partner and didn't even mention the decision to him. The first he'd known was as the two waved good-bye before leaving for their first class. He'd been relieved. The thought of witnessing a birth made him queasy and nervous. Sadie seemed so much more appropriate. She was her sister, she's known Jude her entire life, she understood in more detail just what was being asked of Jude's body, she was a _girl_.

Despite his wishes for her to be happy and comfortable and his suspicions that she didn't voice her objections for fear of hurting his feelings, he couldn't bear to offer to leave her alone to deal with it.

Her body had completely relaxed and her hands were resting limply at her sides. He ran his hands down her arms, massaging ever so slightly in a manner that he hoped was comforting. He kissed the back of her head and shifted slightly. The headrest of the bed was digging into his back in a painful manner but no matter how he shifted he couldn't seem to alleviate his discomfort.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled in the room.

Jude snorted softly, "I'm wishing I could quit right now. I really, really, really wish I didn't have to go through with the rest of this process." She sighed softly.

He couldn't come up with a comforting response to her remark and silence settled upon them again.

Jude broke the silence a few minutes later with a soft comment, "You know someday in the future when we've figured out all the ins and outs of this situation we've got ourselves into… you'll probably be married to some gorgeous supermodel and when the two of you have your first baby together, she's going to be so grateful you're such a pro at this." She cringed as she spoke the words, her eyes scrunching closed as if in pain, though the effects of her contractions had completely stilled. From his position behind her he missed the action.

A muscle in his jaw clenched at her comment. _His wife_. He couldn't imagine being in this situation with anyone other than Jude. He rested his forehead on the back of her head as his nose grazed the nape of her neck.

"She's going to be very lucky to have you." she continued, "_I'm_ very lucky. I don't think I've said this enough but thank you, Quincy, for everything you've done for me."

"And me…" Jude continued softly. "If I ever get married I'm going to make my husband sign a pre-nup that states that he agrees to the fact I am _never_ having children. If at any point in our marriage he tries to pressure me into the act; I'll drop him cold." She chuckled to herself, leaning back into Tommy's arms slightly, "I am so not doing this again."

"Why are you saying this?" he asked softly, his voice barely audible in the eerily quiet room.

"Saying what?"

"Talking about husbands and wives and all of that?"

She craned her neck around to try to see him. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Because," he gritted his teeth and looked away, trying to figure out the reasons for his objections, "we live together Jude, everyone thinks we're a couple, everyone thinks this is our kid."

"It doesn't mean you're trapped with me though. We could stage a break up. Things could change."

"Stop," his voice was urgent and pleading.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head and turned away from him. "I'm not trying to… upset you. I just, I don't know what tomorrow holds. Everything seemed like a fairy tale we were making up as we went. Like, we were going to have a baby, that's so cool, it was like a dream but now it's real and I… am freaking out."

"Don't." He kissed her shoulder and ran his hand down her arm. "Tomorrow doesn't matter, tomorrow isn't real. All that matters is right now."

He tried to smile reassuringly as she glanced back at him but the smile soon turned to a pained grimace as she cried out in pain. Another contraction took hold of her body and she pulled away from him, propping herself up on her arms as she struggled to breath as she'd been instructed in her birthing classes.

He rubbed her back and pulled away the strands of hair that were sticking to the back of her neck. "It'll pass," He murmured, trying to reassure her.

"Yeah, then there'll be another and another and another and then they won't stop." She spoke quickly, a note of desperation in her voice as she gasped for air.

He slid his hand down her arm and grasped her small hand in his. Her fingers tightened around his and then unconsciously her nails dug into his skin as she moaned in pain.

"What do you think it'll look like?" He asked a moment later when the contraction had passed.

"Huh?" She twisted around to gaze at him questioningly.

"The baby," He smiled to himself as he joked, "Wouldn't it be cool if it had purple skin? Or metallic gold? 'The marvelous gold baby; he's worth a million dollars!'" The comment was silly but achieved its intended goal of making her smile.

"It better not be purple or gold," she remarked, "I just want it to be healthy. That's all that matters." Instead of turning her back to him she rested her cheek against his chest, her head rising and falling with each breath he took. He stroked her hair as they rested in silence.

- - -

Another hour passed, during which time Jude was moved to another bed with fresh sheets. Tommy left for a few minutes to check in with Mrs. Harrison regarding Sadie's whereabouts then returned to sit by Jude's bed. He held her hand and stroked her head as the contractions continued to come closer and closer together.

"All this laboring and still no baby?" A familiar, teasingly disapproving voice asked from the doorway.

"Sadie," Jude moaned, clutching Tommy's hand tightly. "Where were you?"

Sadie looked a little worse for wear since they'd last seen her. Her hair was a mess and there was worry in her eyes. She walked over to the side of the bed and put a comforting hand on Tommy's shoulder. Reaching forward, she gently brushed a loose strand of hair behind Jude's hair then patted her head. "I was downstairs in the Emergency Room, actually. I feel so bad I forgot my phone but I got this call that Lucy had been in a car crash and just went blank."

"Is she okay?" Jude was slowly relaxing as the contraction finally began to ease.

"She'll be fine. She's broken her leg pretty badly but it'll heal. Moms here too but I couldn't quite convince her to come in. She heard one of the other women scream and went deathly pale. I don't know if you remember this but you were a thirty-six hour delivery. I don't think she ever quite got over that and this place is giving her the _creeps_."

"Me too," Jude panted.

"Me three," Tommy added, raising a hand sheepishly.

Sadie turned to him and smiled. "Well look at you, huh?" she glanced at Jude, "he looks like he's doing well?"

"He is," she nodded, smiling gratefully.

Dr. Lockhart appeared at the door. "How is Mommy doing?" she asked.

"Almost five centimeters," the Nurse reported as she handed over the chart and left the room. While Jude and Sadie's attention was on the Doctor Tommy slowly stood from his chair and took a few sideways steps toward the door. Without even looking at him, Sadie noticed the movement and wrapped her hand around his wrist tightly. She smiled down at Jude whose attention was still on the doctor then squeezed his wrist even tighter as he attempted to pull away.

"Almost there," Dr. Lockhart smiled. "It won't be long now."

As Jude motioned her over to the side of the bed and quietly asked her an embarrassing question, Sadie turned to Tommy.

"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed, placing a hand on her hip.

"I was going to go wait in the hall. You're here now."

Her eyebrows rose on her forehead. "She needs you."

"My being here is just going to make her uncomfortable."

"It's Jude. If she gets uncomfortable she'll tell you to leave. If you go now you'll probably just upset her. Now if you need a break and want to go get a drink or something, that's fine. But you'd better come back."

He rolled his eyes in amusement.

Sensing that he wasn't taking her instructions too seriously she leaned toward him as if wishing to share a secret. "I have a black belt in karate, pretty boy," she whispered. "Don't mess with me."

The information was news to him and his eyes were wide as he backed away. She smiled sweetly, bending her second and third finger in a cute little wave as he walked out the door.

- - -

"Don't push!" Dr. Lockhart said firmly as she glanced up from her spot between Jude's legs.

"I have to!" Jude groaned, throwing her head back in pain. If she'd had the concentration or energy her eyes might have paused on the poster of a giggling baby that was taped to the wall. Instead the colors blurred together into a garish red, reflecting the blood she was losing and the pain she was feeling.

Tommy was sitting on the left hand side of the bed. He had his back to Doctor Lockhart, his eyes obviously on nothing but Jude. She still felt uncomfortable and paranoid he was going to see something she didn't want him to see but though decency would request it, she couldn't bear to ask him to leave. Sadie was regularly dabbing her head with a damp sponge and bossily instructing Jude to not give up or stop.

Sadie and Tommy certainly had the good cop/bad cop routine down. He was supportive and sweet, sympathetic and un-confrontational; Sadie was loud, bossy and unyielding. They were exactly what she needed.

"You need to wait until the next contraction or it's absolutely pointless," Dr. Lockhart said in a voice that was firm but sympathetic. "Practice your counting."

Jude sighed, then began to pant out the numbers, "One, two, three…" as she said each word she focused every ounce of her attention on it, on the sound, on the spelling, the tone she said it in. Her whole world became about those numbers and nothing else until, mere seconds later, she felt the familiar squeezing in her lower abdomen as another contraction began.

"Okay, push!" Dr. Lockhart yelled.

Jude screamed, hitting notes she'd never achieved on stage or in the studio. Her entire upper body pulled upward and away from the bed as she pushed with every ounce of strength left in her.

"She's crowning!" There was a pause then a triumphant, "Good! The heads out."

Jude fell back against the pillows and Sadie was there with the sponge. "You're doing so well," she said as she smiled down at her. "I'm so proud of you."

Jude turned her face to Tommy. "We're going to meet the golden baby huh?" she asked.

Her face was flushed a bright read and shiny with sweat and damp strands of her hair clung to her head and the pillow. He'd never found her more beautiful.

He smiled, "any minute now."

"Okay Jude. This is it." Dr. Lockhart said. "I need a really big push."

Jude took a deep breath and pushed.

"Harder!"

"Augh!" She cried, the muscles in her neck straining, "I can't! I can't!" she sobbed.

Sadie was instantly there in her face. "Yes! You can Jude!" she tried to look away but Sadie grabbed her face. "Look at me! You can and you will! Right now!"

"Aaaaaaaaugh!" Jude screamed as she gave her strongest push of the night. There was an excruciating, tearing pain, then a release followed by the angry cries of an infant.

Dr. Lockhart and the nurse scrambled around at the base of the bed. The baby was quickly checked over and wrapped in a warm blanket before a smiling Dr. Lockhart walked over to the head of the bed. "Meet your daughter," she said with a happy smile as she leaned forward and gently lowered the impossibly tiny baby onto Jude's chest.

Jude blinked wearily. Her eyes only focused on the baby for a second before her vision was blurred by tears. She gasped and sobbed and gently ran her finger down the side of her daughter's face. The baby tilted her head back, her rosebud lips parted and she gurgled softly. Slowly, her eyes began to flutter open. She winced in pain from the bright lights of the delivery room, and then, for the briefest of seconds, her eyes focused on Jude.

To Jude it was like she'd been hit in the chest by a freight train, a feeling so overwhelming and all consuming spread through her entire being. It was love, so powerful and so intense, she honestly couldn't breath. Tears streamed down her face as she gazed, without wavering or blinking at this tiny, wrinkly, bright red creature that was wholly hers.

**Teaser for Chapter 52**

_"You know, they say a woman becomes a mother the moment she gets pregnant and that a man becomes a father the moment he first sees his child." He glanced over at her and she smiled softly. She shrugged lightly, feeling a little nervous despite the intentions he'd stated over and over. Would the reality be too much for him? She was stronger then she'd been nine months earlier. She knew she could survive without him but in that moment, she couldn't think of anything worse. "So, are you a Daddy?"_


	52. Chapter 52: Parenting

AN: This is one of the most frustrating chapters of the story

_AN: This is one of the most frustrating chapters of the story. I had so many ideas for it before my laptop broke down and now I've lost most of them. I feel there should be all these adjusting to parenting scenes but I'm not in the right place to write them at the moment. This will have to do because I feel so bad about how long you guys are waiting._

Not beta'd and I haven't even read over the last scene I wrote so sorry for any typos.

I've mapped out the next couple of chapters and on paper there are three more. They could expand to as many as 5 chapters by the time they're written.

Please, please, please comment!

**Chapter 52: Parenting**

Victoria Harrison eyed her husband coolly when she arrived home from the hospital in the early hours of the morning. She hung her coat by the door then walked into the kitchen. Stuart followed and paused by the door as she poured a glass of water, then took a languid sip.

"Did you see my note?" she asked.

He nodded.

Her expression fell. He'd known their daughter was in labor and still had done nothing. "Well if you're interested, we have a beautiful grand-daughter. She's healthy and Jude's okay too."

He nodded disinterestedly and she slammed her glass down onto the counter. Stuart jumped in surprise as water splashed over the surface and dripped onto the floor. Victoria was normally a docile woman; he could count on one hand the number of times she'd lost her temper during their marriage.

"You're a hypocrite Stuart Harrison! That or you suffer from a _pathetic_ selective memory."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're so cold and unforgiving of their mistakes. How long are you going to sit on your pedestal and pretend you've never made any of your own? Are you forgetting _why_ we got married."

He didn't answer and she turned away from him in disgust.

"He's not good enough for her," he insisted, his voice trembling with emotion.

She smiled, not a happy smile but one of grim agreement. "No one ever will be."

- -

Jude awoke to bright early morning sun streaming through the window. She winked blearily as her mind scrambled to figure out where she was. She moved to sit up but the action caused the entire night's events to come rushing back to her with one pained cry.

At the sound, Tommy, who'd been dozing in a nearby arm chair, rushed over to the bed. "Are you okay?"

She was cringing still but at the concern in his eyes, she forced a smile and nodded her head, "just a little sore." It was the understatement of her life.

"You got pretty out of it last night but I think they uh," he looked extremely awkward, his face turning a bright red color as he ran a hand through his hair, "had to give you some stitches for tearing or something."

"Oh," she nodded, sure her own face was equally red, "that would explain a lot."

He slid his chair over to the side of the bed as Jude searched the room for her daughter. Her eyes fell on a nearby incubator and, enamored, she watched the baby's small chest rise and fall slowly as it slept.

"Did you go home last night?" she asked Tommy, noting the dark stains under his eyes.

He nodded. "For a couple of hours but I couldn't really sleep."

"Was the house too scary without me there to protect you from the dark?" she teased.

He smiled, and then his expression turned serious again as he shook his head, "no. It was just too lonely."

"Well you're going to wish you could sleep when we get home," she motioned to the baby, "cause if this kid is mine I highly doubt she's going to let us sleep through the night."

"She'll have to make herself heard, just like Mom." He folded his arms on the edge of the bed then slowly lowered his head to rest on them, his exhaustion apparent.

Jude watched silently as his eyes slowly slid shut. She lay back against her pillow and leaned over to run her hand through his hair. "Thank-you for being here," she said softly.

"Thanks for letting me be."

She shifted a little, attempting to pull the blankets up over her shoulders. Noticing the action Tommy pulled the top blanket up, then tucked it around her. One arm lingered then moved to wrap around her shoulder as he carefully sat on the bed next to her. She smiled at him and he paused, his expression serious.

"Can I just say how amazed I am by you?" he asked softly.

"Why?" she whispered, her eyes meeting his questioningly.

"Jude, what you did last night, how brave you were, how... dignified. I'm so proud of you."

"Think how many people there are in the world, Tommy. There's a woman who gave birth for every one of them. I'm nothing special."

"No, you're amazing."

- - -

Jude was flipping through the pages of a magazine and watching furtively as Tommy casually wandered over to their daughter's incubator. He hadn't really seen her yet; after the briefest of glances after the birth she'd been wheeled away to be checked over. Jude had fallen asleep and he'd gone home for the night. He'd left again, earlier that morning, when one of the nurses gave Jude her first breastfeeding lesson. Needless to say he'd been out of the room before the nurse could even finish suggesting it. Now he paused by the incubator, thumbs slung into the pocket of his jeans as he gazed down at the sleeping baby. It was the first chance he'd really had to see her. She was an unbelievably tiny, miniature person with feet, hands and tiny fingernails and impossibly large eyes that gazed up at him curiously. It occurred to him in a rush, just how vulnerable and helpless she was and a wave of protectiveness watched over him. He smiled softly and still watching, Jude set down her magazine.

"You know, they say a woman becomes a mother the moment she gets pregnant and that a man becomes a father the moment he first sees his child." He glanced over at her and she smiled softly. She shrugged lightly, feeling a little nervous despite the intentions he'd stated over and over. Would the reality be too much for him? She was stronger then she'd been nine months earlier. She knew she could survive without him but in that moment, she couldn't think of anything worse. "So, are you a Daddy?"

He nodded, his eyes drifting back to the baby. "I'm a Daddy," he whispered, his voice laden with emotion. He reached down and bushed his finger down her cheek and she shifted in her sleep. Yawning, her arms stretched out and as her eyes fluttered open, one hand reached up and wrapped around his finger.

"She needs a name," he pointed out a few emotional moments later.

Jude smiled and stretched her arms above her head. "So calling her 'it' isn't going to cut it anymore?"

He shook his head and wheeled the incubator over to the side of the bed. "Do you have any ideas?"

She chewed on her bottom lip as she gazed at the baby's deep blue eyes, long lashes and rosy cheeks. She was completely unaware of the bright red color, rashes, wrinkly skin and general newborn unattractiveness the baby possessed - all she saw was beauty. "Something cute and pretty, but not silly."

"My Mother's middle name is Emma," he suggested tentatively. "I always thought that was pretty."

"It is." Jude leaned over to the edge of the bed, wincing slightly in pain and Tommy pushed the incubator closer. "Emma?" she called softly. The baby's head turned, her eyes turned to Jude and she kicked one foot into the air.

Tommy laughed. "I think she likes it."

"Emma it is." Jude smiled and gently poked Emma's stomach, making the baby smile and wriggle it's arms. "Hi Emma; I'm your Mommy and this is your Daddy," Jude whispered. She smiled at Tommy as he sat down on the edge of the bed, "and we are _so_ glad you're here."

- - -

Tommy ignored the fluttering butterflies in his stomach as he braked, slowing the car as it reached an intersection. Jude was in the backseat, her gaze and attention fully on Emma. It was their daughter's first day in the outside world and they were halfway through the both dreaded and anticipated trip home.

"You know," Jude's teasing voice drifted to him, "you can drive a little faster then this."

"No," he shook his head as he turned into their street, "this is fine."

She smiled. The car came to a stop in their driveway and she began to unfasten the straps that held the baby seat to the chair. Tommy met her at the door and she sat back and watched as he carefully lifted out the plastic contraption that protected Emma and held the door open for her.

"You okay?" he asked as she stood shakily.

She nodded. "I'm just happy to be home."

"Things aren't going to be the same," he remarked as they slowly walked to the door.

She grinned, "we're not going to know what hit us."

- - -

Jude sat at the kitchen table, her arms folded on the surface and her forehead resting against them. One hand clutched a baby monitor while the other held a baby's rattle. She didn't move as Tommy walked into the room and barely flinched as he rattled some pots and pans in the cupboard.

"Is she asleep yet?" she asked, her voice muffled by a large yawn.

He nodded and began to prepare two cups of coffee. "Each time I thought she was asleep and started for the door, she'd begin to scream. No matter how little sound I made, she knew I was leaving."

"She just wants your undivided attention and every moment of your day. It's perfectly reasonable really," Jude remarked. With much effort she moved to sit upright in her chair. She rested her elbow on the edge of the table and propped her chin up on the palm of her hand as she yawned again. "I feel like I haven't slept in weeks," she said softly as he walked over to the table with the coffee. She smiled in appreciation as he set a mug down in front of her.

"My dreams are filled with diapers and baby bottles. Sometime, during the day, I hear the tune to rockaby baby playing in my head."

"For me it's twinkle twinkle little star."

He laughed. "I can't believe it's only been a week."

Jude took a sip of her coffee then winced as a piercing scream shot from the baby monitor. Before she could react Tommy had pushed back his chair and stood up. "I'll get it," he said, shaking his head at her own attempts to follow.

"You're an angel," she called after him as he walked down the hallway.

"Nope, just a father," his voice floated back.

When he'd left she resumed her original position, half asleep on the kitchen table. She smiled softly as the sound of Tommy singing to Emma drifted through the baby monitor and slowly, the lullaby took it's affect on her too.

- - -

Jude was bathing Emma in their miniature plastic baby bath in the kitchen. One hand held the baby securely as the other gently splashed water on her chest and massaged soap into her skin. The first time she'd bathed Emma she'd been terrified. At one point the nurse had adopted a school teacher style grim voice as she instructed Jude to stop messing around and look after her daughter. Her skin had seemed so slippery and with just the slightest wriggle she'd slip through her hands. Jude had nightmares that night of Emma drowning in the water and her unable to help.

Now it came pretty effortlessly. She knew the exact spots where she could hold the baby comfortably and securely. She made a face and leaned down to blow raspberries on Emma's round stomach before lifting her up and out of the warm water. She wrapped her up in a warm towel and cradled her in her arms as Tommy walked into the room.

"Was there any mail?" she asked as he carried a newspaper and some envelopes over to the kitchen table.

"Actually, yeah," he paused and dropped everything on the table except for one envelope. "There's something from your father."

Jude frowned as he handed her the envelope. She barely noticed as he knelt down in front of her and took Emma from her hands. The sound of him cooing and singing softly to the baby, coupled with birds chirping outside filled her ears as she tore open the crisp white envelope and took out the card.

On the cover was a loose painting of a baby's face. The child had no hair, big blue eyes and was smiling happily. As Jude gazed at it she saw what her father had seen, a striking similarity to one of her own baby pictures, the one he still carried around in his wallet.

She opened the card and scanned the printed, impersonal congratulations inside. Her eyes scanned in the inside cover and found, written in small and uncertain print:

_I know I screwed up again and I'm not really sure how and if there is anyway to fix it. Victoria says the baby is beautiful and I'm sure she is. Congratulations honey, you're going to be a great mother._

-Dad

Tommy's voice broke into her thoughts as she stared at the card, "Is it okay?"

She nodded, "yeah. It's okay."

"Are you okay?" He persisted.

She glanced up at him briefly then smiled down at Emma. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the baby's cheek. "I'm fine."

"You're different."

She glanced up again, "am I?"

He shrugged, "more serious or something."

"I think I'm still adjusting," she held out her hand and Emma reached for her fingers. "I think I miss her," she laughed, "that sounds so ridiculous but when I was pregnant it was like we were always together. We were the one person and now I can see that things aren't ever going to be the same again. In her life she's just going to drift further and further away from me as she becomes her own person."

He smiled, "don't say you have empty nest syndrome already."

"See?" she rolled her eyes, "I'm crazy. She's my whole world."

"So that's the adjusting part. You deserve so much, Jude. Your world is going to be so much more then just her. Maybe you need to start opening yourself up to the other things it has to offer." His eyes lingered on hers for a long moment as he tried to convey his message without scaring her away.

She nodded slightly, "You're right."

- - -

_In her dream there was a storm with thunder and lightning and rain crashing against the windows angrily. The lights were out and flicking candles lit the staircase as she slowly and carefully made her way down the stairs._

She turned in the hallway and walked into the lounge. A fire roared in the fireplace, the flames leaping about wildly as wind howled down the chimney and attempted to snuff them out. Tommy stood by the fireplace, one hand braced on the mantel as he gazed into the fire. The flames danced across his face, causing it to appear to glow in the otherwise dark room. He glanced up as she walked in and the room was suddenly filled with an electric charge.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes flitting over her.

She nodded silently as she walked over to him. "Emma's asleep."

Their eyes met as she paused in front of him. He nodded slowly and unconsciously his hand lifted to brush against her cheek softly. Her lips parted to voice some unknown thought or emotion but the words were never spoken as his lips suddenly crushed down onto hers. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hand slid around to cradle the back of her head and pull her even closer.

A loud clap of thunder shook the entire house as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Then, through the thundering of the storm, the pounding of her heart and the screaming emotions flying through her mind, a soft cry entered the fray. 

Jude's heavy eyelids fluttered weekly, desperately fighting the sleep that was pulling them down like weighted anchors. Her mind was hazy, stuck between a dream and reality as she crawled into a sitting position and glanced around the room. Soft moonlight streamed through the window and fell upon the crib at the foot of her bed. She yawned weekly as her feet slid out of the bed and met the icy floor. She reached for her robe and wrapped it around her shoulders as she reached the crib.

"Shh, baby. It's okay," she whispered to Emma as she cradled her in her arms. Her gaze drifted to the door, her mind stepping through it and walking down the hallway to Tommy's door. "It was just a dream, honey, just a dream..."

**Chapter 53 **

_"What?"_

"It's silly. Forget I did this," she muttered, feeling ashamed and embarrassed, she started for the door. Blindly, he reached out to stop her and his hand landed on her waist, just above her hip.

"No, wait. You, uh, want to sleep with me?" she could hear the surprise in his voice. "


	53. Chapter 53: Closer

I'm still feeling really flat lately but hopefully my writing will pick up in time for the last couple of chapters

_I'm still feeling really flat lately but hopefully my writing will pick up in time for the last couple of chapters._

Please comment!

**Chapter 53: Closer**

Jude had been on edge ever since the dream about Tommy a few days earlier. She'd barely left the house since Emma had been born and a trip to the grocery store earlier that day had seemed a monumental occasion. She'd watched Tommy from behind the shopping cart as he strode of her down the aisles, Emma cradled to his chest in a baby carrying contraption she didn't know the correct name for. He'd caught her staring a couple of times but judging by the happy smile he'd given her, hadn't come close to guessing her actual thoughts.

Emma's breathing was a soft and calming effect to Jude's jittery nerves as she tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Through the dim moonlight falling through the window she could gaze at the crib and feel that overwhelming sense of love warming her. But still, she had an aching feeling in her chest, a dull emptiness, a yearning for human affection and security. Showering the very things she craved on her daughter these last couple of weeks had only made her want it more.

She shoved aside her blankets and sat at the edge of the bed, her feet sinking into the cold carpet beneath her. Her eyes closed and she thought of Tommy at the end of the hall, remembered watching him sleep that morning so long ago. On a whim and before logic could scream it's insults, she snatched up the baby monitor from her bedside table, left her bedroom door open and tiptoed down the hallway.

She reached Tommy's door and paused outside. Logic was attempting to worm it's way into her mind and embarrassment was lapping at her ankles. She didn't realize she'd pushed against the door but slowly it creaked open. She heard movement, the rustling of blankets and Tommy's sleepy voice.

"Who's there?"

"Sorry," she whispered softly, "did I wake you?"

"No," Though she couldn't see him in the darkness, she could imagine him shaking his head and unconsciously fixing his hair. "I was just dozing. What's up girl?" He turned on the bedside lamp and the harsh light bombarded her.

She shielded her eyes with her hand and walked into the room. He was sitting in the bed, his back to the headboard as he watched her curiously.

"Can I-," she paused and put a hand to her forehead, then reached fro the lamp and switched it off.

In the darkness she heard Tommy's smiling voice. "Okay..."

"Can I stay here tonight?" she blurted out, interrupting him.

"What?"

"It's silly. Forget I did this," she muttered, feeling ashamed and embarrassed, she started for the door. Blindly, he reached out to stop her and his hand landed on her waist, just above her hip.

"No, wait. You, uh, want to sleep with me?" she could hear the surprise in his voice.

At the words and their numerous interpretations she felt blood rush to her face violently. "No, I mean, not like _that_."

He laughed and somehow his hand found hers in the darkness. "I know not like that."

He shifted over in the bed, making space for her and held the blankets up for her to climb in. She did so, feeling awkward and ridiculous. She set her head head down on the pillow and the two stared at each other as their eyes grew accustomed to the darkness.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She nodded and they lay there in silence for a few more minutes.

"Could you-" she stopped and covered her face with her hands, groaning in frustration.

He slid a little closer and gently pried her hands away. "Yes?"

"Hold me," it came out as a command and not a request so she added a hasty, "please."

Instantly his arms snaked out and wrapped around her. He pulled her close to him and she felt his warmth envelope her. She closer her eyes and lay her head down on his shoulder.

"Like this?" he whispered huskily.

"Perfect," she responded.

Already the sleep that had so ruthlessly evaded her began to take over and the two drifted into a deep sleep. By the bed, the baby moniter's soft red light glowed reassuringly as the sound of Emma's peaceful breathing served as the lullaby to put her parents to sleep.

--

Tommy awoke to a soft sniffing sound, interlaced with the occasional whimper. He opened his eyes, blinking to adjust to the darkness, broken only by one thin strip of moonlight falling through the windows.

His bed was warmer then usual and as his mind left it's slumber, he realized it was due to the soft female form wrapped around his torso. Jude's head rested just above his heart, the heart which started beating fathers the moment he recognized that fact. One of her arms was wrapped loosely around his waist while the other rested between their bodies.

He lifted his hand and ran it through her silky hair as Emma's fussing grew louder. Hearing her daughter's soft mewing, Jude stirred. She paused for a moment, taking in her new surroundings then glanced up at Tommy.

"I should go," he said with a sigh.

"No, stay, I'll get her." He carefully slid out from under her and moved to the door. Behind him Jude stretched in the large bed. His scent was everywhere and she closed her eyes, reliving the security of waking up in his arms.

Emma's mews had grown to an insistent wail by the time Tommy reached her crib. Her small feet kicked at the air, angry with the lack of immediate service, while her arms flailed about. Her eyes landed on Tommy and her crying and kicking instantly stopped. She lay still and patiently waited for him to pick her up.

He picked her up carefully, one hand supporting her head while the other held the rest of her body. He was reminded how fragile she was, each and every time he touched her or looked into those deep blue eyes that caught his gaze and held onto it just as defiantly as when she trapped his finger in her first.

Jude had sat up by the time he returned. One hand self-consciously ran through her hair while the other fidgeted with her pajama top.

"She's dry," he reported as he carefully handed over the baby.

Jude nodded, "hungry. Always hungry."

"I like a strong appetite in a girl." He walked over to the window and gazed down at the back yard, offering her privacy as she unbuttoned her top.

"How long do you think until she starts sleeping through the night?" Jude asked, in an attempt to break the awkward silence that had settled over the room. They were always awkward around breastfeeding but being here, in his bedroom, in the middle of the night, only added to it.

"Whenever it is, I'm sure it won't be too soon."

"Is she disturbing you in the night?" she asked quickly.

"No. It's not that. I feel bad you're always the one who has to get up. I'd suggest alternating the cribs between rooms but then she only ever really needs you."

"That's not true. She needs you too," Jude insisted.

It was strange talking to his back and she glanced down to check on Emma's progress. The baby's suckling was slowing as her eyes began to gradually close. Jude gently detached her and pulled her shirt closed.

"We should probably be getting back to our room," she said as she stood carefully.

Tommy turned, "I'd," he paused, "I'd really like you to stay."

She paused, "Um, okay. I'll just put her back down."

--

"Sadie?" Jude shut her eyes tightly as she clutched the phone to her ear, ignoring Emma's cries and the wail of the boiling kettle on the oven. She was standing in the hallway with her back to the kitchen where the chaos was taking place. Tommy had been called into G-Major unexpectedly. It was some kind of 'emergency' with an artist that he couldn't talk his way out of. Tired of her life resolving solely around Emma's care; Jude had undertaken some house work, her first major effort since Emma was born. Tommy had improved since they first met but there were still some household jobs he didn't even know existed and thus ignored.

It had seemed like a great idea at the time but now, an hour into the job, Jude was starting to regret ever suggesting they let the cleaning lady go.

"Um, I'm kind of freaking out over here. Do you think maybe you could come around and make sure I don't implode or something?" Her voice wobbled a little as she spoke and she pressed a hand to her forehead, willing herself to calm down. "I mean, that would be okay and all but I just need someone to watch Emma if I do..."

She tried not to feel offended by the amusement she could hear in Sadie's voice as she quickly answered; "I'll be right there."

Jude slowly placed the phone back into the receiver and walked into the kitchen. Maybe she was suffering a momentary occurrence of post-natal depression or just some emotional imbalance because her mind knew that this wasn't a big deal and yet she still felt like she was about to burst into tears. She ignored the basket of laundry waiting to be folded and put away, almost tripped over a bucket and most on the floor and glared at the waiting oven cleaner accusingly.

Instead she sat beside Emma's portable baby bed and forced herself to smile. "It's okay baby. Don't cry."

--

"Jude?" Sadie called as she walked in the front door of the house.

Music was playing loudly from one of the upstairs bedrooms, competing with the drone of the television from the living room and the distant buzz of radio hosts drifting from the kitchen. There was a scent of soap and cleaners in the air and a slight breeze running through the hall. Glancing at the clothes slung over the bannister, she wondered if this was some new creative outlet for her sister or just a sign of a breakdown.

Her attention was pulled away from the stairs and drawn to Jude's voice as she appeared from the kitchen, Emma cradled in her arms.

"You're here!"

Sadie smiled and gave her sister an awkward half hug, careful not to crush the baby then insisted the dozing infant be handed over.

"Please don't wake her. It took forever to get her to sleep."

Sadie's eyebrows rose. "I'm not surprised. It's so loud in here."

Jude chucked and impatiently brushed a loose strand of hair off her forehead. "She likes it. She won't sleep during the day unless there's absolute audio chaos. Please don't laugh, it's not funny."

Sadie banished her smile. "I'll go put her down on then we can get onto the house, okay?"

An hour or so later the house had returned to it's normal state of dignity while Sadie and Jude were both panting, disheveled messes. It was a small mercy that Emma hadn't yet woken. Though the two constantly found themselves eyeing the baby monitor attached to Jude's waistband nervously, not a peep had come from it.

"I've decided," Sadie declared as she set a mug of hot chocolate down in front of Jude at the kitchen table then sat down across from her, "as soon as Tommy gets home you and I are going out."

Jude shook her head. "I can't."

"You can and you will. You undertook way too much today but I get why. You need a change of pace and that's not selfish or unmotherly. It's totally reasonable."

"I can't leave Emma alone with Tommy."

"Don't you trust him?"

Jude's eyes widened and she shook her head. "No, it's just... it's too much to ask."

"It'll be good for him. It'll be good for her and it'll be good for you. And I'm not taking no for an answer."

--

Tommy was lying on the sofa watching TV with Emma asleep on his chest. A warm rug was pulled up to her shoulders and numerous cushions were spaced around for safety.

The moment he'd arrived home from G-Major Sadie had dragged Jude out the door. There was barely time for her to hand over the baby monitor and give him a quick but savored (at least for him) hug, before they left.

He and Emma had had a thrilling afternoon in the garden. He'd put a blanket down in the middle of the lawn and Emma had laid on her back and waved her arms at passing butterflies. He could see the determined glint in her eyes, so much like her mother's, as she shook her body and tried to move up to catch up them. This was generally closely followed by a frustrated, gurgling utterance.

After half an hour of butterfly watching they'd retired to the lounge and an exhausted Emma soon succumbed to slumber.

He heard the front door open and craned his neck around to see Jude arrive at the lounge door. She smiled and and leaned against the door frame. "Well aren't you two a pretty picture."

He carefully inched back so he was leaning against the armrest. "So do you. You look amazing."

She smiled and fiddled with her skirt self-consciously. "Sadie took me to a spa, then a manicurist, then to a boutique." She rolled her eyes, "I feel so girly."

"So you had fun?"

She nodded and walked over to gently stroke Emma's back. "But I missed you," she said to the sleeping baby before leaning down to kiss her round cheek.

Feigning offense Tommy asked, "What about me?"

She laughed and shrugged, "well I guess so. I mean, I survived and all."

He pouted then tried not to show his surprise when she pressed a warm kiss to his cheek too.

"Thanks," he said, surprise evident in his voice.

She blushed and he resisted the urge to over-analyze everything that had just taken place. Meanwhile Jude turned to the TV and quickly changed the subject, "so what are you watching?"

--

Tommy was surprised when Darius turned up on their doorstep early the next morning. The large man shifted uncomfortably, his eyes passing over Tommy as if he were something of passing importance. They landed on Jude walking down the stairs, Emma carefully cradled in her arms.

"Just the superstar I wanted to see," he remarked, his face breaking out in a warm grin as he stepped into the foyer.

"Come on in," Tommy remarked sarcastically as he pushed the door shut behind him, a little too hard. "I'm going to go do some work on the shutters in the back yard," he told Jude.

She nodded a little nervously and turned her attention to Darius. "Would you like to come into the kitchen and have something to drink?"

He nodded distractedly and motioned to Emma, "Can I hold her?" Jude handed over the baby and he chuckled to himself. "This brings back memories of when Alicia was this age. Good years and terrible years all rolled into one."

Jude led the way into the kitchen and motioned for him to sit down at the table while she prepared coffee and set it down on the table.

"She's gorgeous Jude." He grinned as he repositioned the baby on in his arms and began to make goofy faces. Emma giggled happily. Jude eased herself down onto one of the chairs and watched, head was tilted to side contentedly. This was a different side of the media mogul then she normally saw and she felt so much more at ease in the kitchen of her home, with her daughter and Tommy nearby then she ever had at G-Major.

There was a crashing noise outside and they both glanced out to see Tommy standing with a shutter under his arm and one at his feet. He shrugged at them sheepishly.

Darius nodded shook his head as he turned back to Jude. "I guess his contribution to this little girl is the first thing in his personal life he's actually done right." He waved his hand in front of Emma and wiggled his fingers.

Jude frowned, anger and frustration welling up inside her. Her gaze turned to the window as she watched Tommy frowning at the shutters. He carefully balanced the two in his arms then proceeded to the shed to continue with his repairs. She turned back to Darius and stared at him silently until he looked up.

"She's... not Tommy's," she said softly.

His expression was blank for a moment as he processed the words, then his eyes widened. "Does Tommy know?"

She laughed, "yeah." She fiddled with her earring as her eyes nervously danced about the room. "There's, uh, no way she could be his. We didn't... we've never..." she shrugged, letting the words trail off.

Darius shook his head, "I don't understand."

She looked down at her hands as she mumbled and stuttered through her explanation. "I figured out I was pregnant at the studio. I was scared... terrified and completely alone. Tommy, he stepped up, offered to share the weight, be the villain in everyone's eyes."

There was silence for a long moment as Darius processed the words. "Who else knows?"

"Just Sadie and Kwest. I'm not sure I'm ever going to tell my parents."

He nodded slowly. "So why did you tell me?"

"Because you give him a hard time at the best of times and I wanted you to know he isn't the person you think he is. Not anymore. Not even close. He took all the hate and judgment the world sent us onto his shoulders and I don't even know why."

Darius was silent as he watched Tommy through the window. He nodded to himself slowly then turned back to her.

"He's said it before but I never let myself see it. It's because he loves you."

**Teasers for Chapter 54: Resitution**

_"Geez Nancy Drew. What is this? 'The case of the slumberless sister?'"_

"I think you slumbered," she drew quotations marks in the air, "just fine. I want to know where."


	54. Chapter 54: Restitution

Finally a new chapter

_Finally a new chapter. Another one that isn't one of my favorites but I think the next one should be more in my comfort zone (I hope)  
Please comment and please don't get mad at Jude. _

**Chapter 54: Restitution**

Jude was lost in her own thoughts and arguments long after Darius left. She pretty much handed Emma over to Tommy when he returned from the backyard and retired to her room. Darius' words kept playing over and over, like a confronting record set on loop and she buried her head in her hands as she sunk down onto the bed.

It didn't mean anything. Not really. Sure, Tommy loved her and she loved him. How could you not care about someone after you'd been through so much with them? He was her best friend, her co-parent, her roommate, sure she cared about him and him her.

But... maybe it would be kind of nice if Darius' implication were correct and Tommy did harbor some deeper affection for her. Wouldn't it?

No. No, she couldn't think like that. She wouldn't think like that. This wasn't some high school crush. This mattered. This was real life and she couldn't let her mind be swayed by outside opinions. She wasn't going to let what Darius thought, or Sadie (or anyone else for that matter), become her truth.

She wasn't going to think about it anymore, not right now anyway. She could hear Emma crying down stairs and it was time to relieve Tommy. Maybe tomorrow she'd feel a little braver. Maybe tomorrow she'd know what to do.

--

Sadie was visiting. Since Jude's house work break down a little over a week earlier, she'd made it a regular occasion; turning up every few days to help out with chores here and there but mostly to play with her niece. The two were in Jude's room, Sadie folding laundry and depositing it in drawers and Jude finishing off changing one of Emma's diapers.

As she was reaching for the partner to match the sock she was holding in her hands, Sadie's eyes paused on the bed then shifted to Jude suspiciously. "Anything you want to tell me?" she asked.

Jude glanced over at her sister, completely oblivious to her suspicions. "What do you mean?"

"Your bed wasn't slept in last night," she put a hand on her hips.

"How on earth would you know that?"

"Because I made it for you yesterday and you make your bed entirely differently from me. Frustrated by Jude's shameless expression she pointed at the bed accusingly. "It looks exactly the same!"

"Geez Nancy Drew. What is this? 'The case of the slumberless sister?'"

"I think you slumbered," she drew quotations marks in the air, "just fine. I want to know where."

Jude gaped at her. "Sadie, what are you implying?"

"That you," her voice fell to a high pitched whisper, which was amusing considering no one else was home, "slept with him."

Sadie's eyes were wide and wild and Jude couldn't help it, she burst out laughing. "So scandalous," she murmured through giggles. "What is this? An episode of 'Gossip Girl'? We slept in the same bed. That was it."

"You swear?"

She blushed, though not from guilt but merely embarrassment. "I swear."  
Sadie's eyebrows rose. "Is this the first time?"

Jude shrugged, "it happened a couple of times," seeing the look in Sadie's eyes she quickly added, "and it doesn't mean anything. I just got lonely."

Sadie smiled, "it amuses me that after everything that's happened and how much you've grown this last year, that you can still be so naive."

Scoffing, Jude turned away and busied herself with tucking Emma into her cot. Despite her arguments there was doubt whirling around within her.

"Jude, you're drawn to one another and that isn't a bad thing. I've seen the way you look at each other, and you can't keep your hands off one another."

"I told you-"

She raised her hands to shush her, "I know, you have an excuse for everything but you're not being fair, not to Tommy and not to yourself. Jude, you said you wanted to wait until after Emma was born before you complicated your life by admitting the feelings you had for Tommy. But she's here, you're stronger then ever. What are you waiting for?"

Jude turned away from her sister's inquiring eyes. The same question had been running through her mind and the answer was simply a fear of rejection. It had been a long time since Tommy had expressed an interest and she'd so thoroughly shut it down. What if he didn't feel the same way anymore? What if she just made a fool of herself? After all this time of bottling and denying emotions she wasn't even sure what she felt for him. It had been a long road to admit that she even felt _something_ and she wasn't going to allow herself to admit how minute or major that something might be.

She needed time. She needed to talk to him. She needed to find the right time.

--

Tommy caught a glimpse of Jude through her partially ajar bedroom door later that evening. He paused. She was standing in front of her mirror, holding a dress up in front of her and flattening the material against her stomach. As he watched she frowned, obviously unhappy with the post pregnancy weight she was still carrying. He assumed the sudden lack of confidence in her appearance may have something to do with Darius broaching the subject of a baby spread for People magazine. It had been mentioned in passing the day before and Tommy suspected that like himself, Jude wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of pimping out their child.

He pushed the door open and walked in.

"Heard of knocking?" Jude asked, her tone more surprised then annoyed as the dress slipped from her hands and she busied herself straightening the bottles of perfume on her dresser.

"The door was like, open," he responded with a shrug. He sat down on the bed behind her and her eyes floated over to him in the mirror briefly before she retrieved the dress. "You're beautiful. You know that?"

"Please, I'm not looking for a compliment." She hung the dress in the closet and he caught her hand as she passed back by him. "I have stretch marks on my stomach the size of Ecuador," she muttered.

"They'll fade and even if they didn't it wouldn't matter at all. Jude, you're absolutely gorgeous. Even more so now then before your pregnancy and I probably shouldn't think this and I certainly shouldn't be saying it," he paused to press a kiss to the back of her hand then whispered huskily, "but I find you indescribably sexy."

Her hand slipped from his as if his touch were fire and flew up to cover her mouth as she gasped slightly. Her eyes were wide and he drew back in surprise, completely unaware of the way her heart had raced at his words.

"No," she whispered a little breathlessly before turning away. He refused to break the gaze when her eyes floated back to his in the mirror. "You probably shouldn't."

--

Tommy tapped a tune against the staring wheel as he gazed up at his childhood home. It had been over a week since his mother had called early one afternoon and invited him over for afternoon tea. His father was out of town on business and she'd hoped to take the opportunity to re-initiate her relationship with her son. He could tell she didn't know the details of the last time he and his father had seen one another but he could tell by the tone of her voice and the uncertainty of her words that she knew it had been bad.

He'd spent days silently pondering the visit, opting not to mention it to Jude who'd been acting nothing short of weird around him since Darius visit. And now here he was, countless memories flashing through his mind and his entire body super glued to the seat.

A curtain flickered on one of the kitchen windows and a moment later his mother appeared at the door, drying her hands with a dish towel. She clutched it nervously and smiled a shaky smile as she lifted a hand to wave to him.

At fifty, Ilene Dutoir appeared a much older woman. Her hair was speckled with gray streaks and there were lines on her forehead that told of years of abuse and stress. Her eyes were those of a woman who'd seen and suffered much in her lifetime but as she gazed down at her son and waited expectantly, there was something else; genuine happiness.

He climbed out of the car and locked it behind him. He knew the neighborhood and the types of children who frequented it. He'd been one.

"Hi Mom," he said with a sheepish shrug as he reached the bottom step and looked up at her.

"Oh Tommy," she cried as she flung her arms around him.

--

Jude ignored her mother's amused chuckle as she nervously watched Sadie lower baby Emma down to touch the sparkling blue water of the baby paddling pool. She, Sadie and their mother had met up for an impromptu girl's day. First stop: the park.

"You're one of those worry wart mothers, aren't you?" Victoria asked.

Jude shook her head, "what if she drops her? Emma gets excited around water and she has a tendency to squirm."

"Sadie can handle a squirming one month old."

"I know." Jude sighed and leaned back against the park bench. With much effort she turned her eyes from her daughter to her mother. "So how's Dad?"

Victoria smiled sympathetically and patted her daughter's hand. "The same self-righteous, cantankerous old fool he ever was. Only now he feels a little guilty, not that he'd ever admit it, and he misses you terribly."

Sadie returned with Emma then and there was a moment of fuss as Victoria insisted the baby be handed to her.

"So where's tommy today?" Sadie asked as she sat down beside her mother.

Jude frowned. "I'm not sure. He was vague and distracted this morning so I kind of left him to himself."

"Ooh," Sadie teased, "maybe he's having an affair."

"Sadie!" Victoria's voice was scolding, "that's a horrible thing to say."

Jude rolled her eyes, "it's not like it would really be an affair." Her eyes widened to reflect Sadie's shocked expression as she realized what she'd said, or more precisely, who she'd said it in front of.

"What do you mean?" Victoria asked.

"Oh, just that, well," Jude fumbled for words, "I've been so distracted with Emma lately. Who could really blame him?"

"That's no excuse," Victoria shook her head vehemently, "there is never an excuse for cheating."

"Well just as well no one is," Sadie said with a nervous laugh, "I was just joking."

Victoria made a disapproving sound in the back of her throat but the subject was dropped.

"Mom was just telling me about Dad," Jude said, in desperation to fill the awkward silence that had settled. "She said he's been cantankerous."

Sadie snorted, "down right miserable is more like it." He knows he's an idiot.

"He knows he's wrong too," Victoria spoke in a distracted tone, her eyes on the rustling leaves of a distant tree.

Jude peered at her. "Are you okay Mom?"

"Girls, I want to tell you something I never told anyone before but I think we should talk about it over lunch. What do you say?" Her question was somehow rhetorical as she instantly got up and began walking with Emma back to the car, pointing out birds and clouds to the alert baby as she went.

"Do you know what this is about?" Jude asked Sadie as they followed behind.

Sadie shrugged, "not a clue."

--

The kitchen had changed since the last time Tommy had been inside it. In fact the entire house had. His mother had explained, during the nervous small talk at the beginning of his visit that she and his father had been working on refurnishing the house since he began counseling. It had been on a tight budget, forcing them to be creative with their methods. The kitchen was painted a spring time yellow and a cheerful painting of a sunflower, bearing his mother's proud signature, hung over the table. The atmosphere in the house had changed and it made the visit so much easier.

Awkward small talk had led to the sharing of baby photos and Ilene had poured over every detail with the sheer excitement of a first time grandmother. Numerous questions has been asked about weight and diet and personality and he'd answered each one easily.

"So tell me about your girlfriend?" Ilene urged. "I spoke to her briefly when I first called you but I'm afraid I was rather short."

He shrugged, "uh, there's not that much to tell. We work together at the record label. She's a really talented artist."

Ilene's head tilted to the side thoughtfully as she gazed at him, "why do I sense it's a complicated relationship?"

He met his mothers inquisitive gaze and a glimmer of memories of conversations about girls in this same kitchen, many years ago, flashed across his mind. Only now he couldn't divulge everything and the dramas of high school crushes seemed so appealingly simplistic.

"Well, she's seventeen. We worked together and shouldn't have had a romantic relationship. It's been controversial. We weren't really ready for a relationship this serious and there's been a lot of growing and adjusting in a small time."

She shook her head, "no. That's not it." He rolled his eyes and she leaned across the table to pat his hand affectionately, "I still know you Tom-Tom. You're like an open book to me."

He sighed. "I don't know how she really feels about me anymore. We've been putting on this show for the press, trying to defend ourselves and our daughter's existence. It's like our relationship grew on the outside but I'm not sure if the things we've said when others were listening where really how we felt." He blinked repeatedly as his mind danced over memories of he and Jude; their fake first date, the press conference, that kiss at G-Major, the ultrasound, spending the night together only a few days ago - it was like they were playing on a movie screen in front of his eyes, so close yet so far away. One moment they were solid and real and the next just an illusion in a memory. He looked away. "I'm sorry. I can't explain it fairly."

"How do you feel about her?" He looked back at her and his eyes lingered on hers silently. He didn't know what to say or how to say it but he didn't need to. "Oh," she nodded knowingly. "Have you spoken to her about this?"

He shook his head. "The last time I tried it just about ruined everything and now the stakes only seem higher."

Ilene was silent for a few long moments and he reached over to touch her hand lightly. "Mom?"

She chewed on her bottom lip as tears pooled in her eyes. "I want to tell you to be brave and take that risk but I have no right to do that."

"Please Mom, we don't have to-"

"No," she shook her head vehemently, "Tommy, I'm so sorry for how much I let you and your sister down. I thought my decisions only affected me and that I could suffer through whatever your father dealt but I never realized how much of a price the two of you paid. Even when you were young and our fights were so few and far between. I should have been a stronger person. I should have been a better mother to you."

Her voice was so laden with emotion that it only served to make Tommy feel guilty for the time that had passed without any contact between the two of them. Despite all that had happened and the mistakes his mother had made, he'd never hated her. He had hated the way she'd behaved and the fact that she left him no choice but to put distance between them but now all of that was forgotten. All he felt for the woman crying in front of him was love and appreciation, appreciation for all she did do for him and no memory of what she didn't.

"It's in the past Mom. I'm here. I love you and that's all that matters."

--

Emma, Jude, Sadie and their mother were seated on a balcony outside the Cafe. Bright read sun umbrellas rose up above the picnic tables that dotted the balcony and a small girl in a bright pink dress was running between the tables and twirling around like a ballerina, her dress flying up around her like a tutu. Veronica fanned her face with her hand while her two daughter's stared at her expectantly.

"So what's going on Mom?" Sadie was trying to sound nonchalant as she reached for the pot of jam to spread on her Devonshire scone, but nonchalant really wasn't a Sadie Harrison quality.

Victoria glanced out to the sparkling river that ran alongside the Cafe and seemed lost in thought for awhile.

"Do you remember seeing pictures of your Father and I's wedding?" she asked a moment later.

Sadie grinned, "Yes. You had the most beautiful dress."

Jude had just finished feeding Emma and was straightening her top. She glanced over at her mother, wondering what a wedding had to do with her mother's big secret.

"It wasn't our first."

Jude shook her head, "I don't understand."

"Your Father and I met while we were in college. We were both on the other side of the country from our families and both terribly home sick. As things became more serious between us we got closer..."

"Oh, please Mom. Let's not go into the details," Sadie groaned.

Victoria rolled her eyes. "To cut a long story short: I got pregnant."

Sadie froze. Slowly her eyes drifted to Jude as the two calculated in their minds. "But you were twenty-four when I was born," Sadie said slowly.

Victoria nodded. "We both panicked. We knew our families wouldn't approve. His were academics who didn't even approve of the idea of him dating while in college. They thought school should come first. Mine were the opposite, they didn't understand why I was bothering with school when I should just be finding a husband and getting married." She ran a hand through her hair, tucked a strand behind her ear and smiled at the child ballerina as she raced past the table.

"We contemplated our options and fought a lot over the next month or so. Just as his parents had expected, school was placed on the back burner and our relationship, and future, became the topic of all energy and thought. Eventually we decided to get married. We eloped a few weeks before the end of the school year and when we went home for Summer Vacation, we told our families that we'd gotten married during Spring Break. I believe we even spun some tale about Las Vegas and a drunken visit to an Elvis Chapel." She laughed to herself, the laugh of a woman both amused and tortured by the mistakes of her youth. "It turns out we needn't have caused ourselves the strife and lectures that came our way constantly that Summer. I lost the baby at about four and a half months."

Jude gasped and clutched Emma to her a little tighter while Sadie reached across the table to take her mother's hand.

"After our families reactions to the wedding, we'd put off telling them about the pregnancy. What little I showed I managed to hide successfully and in the end we never told anyone about the baby. We went back to school, got an apartment together rather then staying in the dorms, and then we pretended that we'd gotten married because of a drunk Spring Break adventure, that we were young and carefree and that nothing was the matter. Over time I told myself I'd forgotten but I never did."

"So when was the wedding we saw in the pictures?" Sadie asked.

"Shortly after we graduated from college. About a year after we eloped. Our families seemed to silently decide that that was when our real marriage began and it just seemed easier to be that couple."

"Why didn't you ever tell us?" Jude asked softly.

"Because I was ashamed."

Jude nodded slowly. "So basically... my Father is a giant hypocrite?"

Sadie glanced between her mother and Jude, then shifted so that her left hand was resting on her mother's and her right hand was patting Jude's shoulder. She just hoped Emma wasn't going to need comforting too, all she had left were feet and she wasn't wearing her cutest shoes.

"I don't think he really thought about it in relation to his own life," Victoria tried to explain, "after all these years and never talking about it once, it was almost as if he forgot."

Jude shook her head angrily, "You don't forget something like that."

"Jude-"

"No! You don't. _You_ didn't!" to herself she murmured, 'Tommy didn't.'

"Maybe that's why he was so upset?" Sadie spoke softly, somehow feeling an intruder in the conversation. "Because he saw you making the same mistake he'd made and he was worried about you."

Tears were sparkling in Jude's eyes and she shook her head repeatedly. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

--

Ilene's eyes had drifted to the window just over Tommy's shoulder and judging by her expression, what she saw through it wasn't good. When he turned to see a car pulling up and his father climbing out he couldn't get out of his chair quick enough.

"Maybe you should go out the back way?" his mother suggested nervously.

"No, I'm not sneaking around." He shrugged on his jacket and started for the door, just as it opened and his Father stepped inside. He seemed bigger somehow, in a house where Tommy had so many memories of himself being smaller. His father's bulk blocked the front door and seemed to tower over him as he stepped forward defiantly.

"Tommy," he sounded truly surprised to see his son. "That's your car parked out front?"

"Excuse me, I was just leaving," he attempted to move past his father and toward the door but the man refused to budge.

"Tommy, wait. I'm... I'm glad you came to visit your mother today. She's missed you, a lot. Please don't let me stop you from coming again. I'll make sure to leave the house when you two plan to meet. Whatever makes you comfortable."

Tommy was taken aback at his words, at seeing his father for the first time put his mother first. Maybe, somehow, things had changed. He nodded silently and turned to give his mother a kiss, then without another word he left the house.

--

It was almost completely dark when Tommy arrived home from his visit with his mother. Only a couple of lamps were on in the house, and the windows glowed ominously as he walked up to the front door. After a quick search of the house he found Jude sitting on the swinging chair on the back porch with Emma asleep in her arms.

She smiled weakly at him, "hey man of mystery. How did your day go? Is the world once again rid of all evil?"

He grinned and leaned against one of the support beams, "I don't save and tell."

"Ah," she nodded seriously, "well, you don't fool me Mr. Kent. I know there's an outrageous Lycra outfit with a giant 'S' emblazoned on the front, hiding under all the denim and leather."

He chuckled, "nothing gets by you does it. So how was your day?"

The relaxed smile that had lit her features slowly began to fade as her expression became unreadable. She closed her eyes for a second and ran a finger across her forehead, just above her eyebrows. "I found out my parents were pregnant when they got married," she said calmly. She opened her eyes, "kinda sounds familiar huh?"

--

Tommy was doing his beset to imagine the giant 'S' Jude had teased him about, emblazoned on the front of his white T shirt as he walked up the familiar path to her parents front door. He rung the doorbell twice then shoved his hands in his pockets as he waited in the chilly night air. He could hear approaching footsteps and a second later the door swung open. Stuart looked less then pleased to see him.

Tommy raised his eyebrows questioningly, "Deja Vu?"

**Teasers for Chapter 55**

"_Well," she set down the glass of juice she'd been sipping from. "Today I'm Mary Poppins and in ten minutes you two are banished from this house."_

Tommy choked on his mouthful of pancake and Jude patted his back as she stared at her sister. "What?"

"I'm giving you a free day off. Consider it Mommy and Daddy time. That's the only rule; you've got to spend the day together and no meeting up with anyone else." 


	55. Chapter 55: Alone

Gosh this day has been challenging to write. I feel so uninspired. Thankfully I've finally found myself connecting to the characters again in the next chapter so hopefully it will be more of a success. But of course, as usual, they're doing the exact opposite of what I wanted them to...

**Chapter 56: Alone**

"What are you doing here Quincy?" Stuart's jaw was setting into a grim line and his eyes were sparking.

"Have you considered anger management counseling?" Tommy asked calmly.

Stuart's eyes widened. "I'm in the middle of dinner with my family and you're leaving."

"Not your whole family," he paused, "Jude knows."

"Knows what?"

"About you and Victoria's first child. See, I don't really get where you justify being so high and mighty with me."

Stuart slammed the door behind him as he stepped out onto the front step. "For starters, we were both consenting adults. Victoria wasn't a child and I wasn't in a position of authority over her."

Tommy rolled his eyes. "Authority? Jude? She bossed me around, not the other way."

"Don't get smart with me."

"You need to let this go. If you have any chance of having a relationship with your daughter, you need to forgive us both for whatever did or didn't happen."

Stuart rolled his eyes.

"You have a beautiful granddaughter and at this rate you're never going to get to know her. Letting go of the past isn't easy, believe me, I know," his voice had grown less irritated and more earnest as he spoke, "but it's worth it."

-=|=-

Jude was feeding Emma early the next next morning when she was disrupted by the sound of insistent knocking at the front door. She raced downstairs quickly, hoping to get to the door before Tommy woke up. Her unusually perky (for this hour of the morning) sister stood on the doorstep, her hair arranged in a French braid and her eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Sadie?" Jude paused in the open doorway, "what are you doing here?" She craned her neck to eye her sister's watch. "It's seven AM. I didn't know you were capable of getting up that early."

Sadie smirked sarcastically as she walked into the house. "I'm sorry. Did I interrupt you and Tommy's cuddling?"

Jude blushed bright red. "We weren't."

"Uh-huh. Well I'm going to go start on breakfast. Go have a shower and get cute then wake up Tommy. If Emma's awake, bring her down to me."

Jude yawned heavily. "What are you talking about?" But Sadie had already disappeared into the kitchen. She shrugged and lazily trumped up the stairs and back to her room. Tommy was standing in the doorway to his room, hair disheveled and flat on one side of his head.

"Who was at the door?"

"Sadie, She's making breakfast." She shrugged as if it were the most normal thing in the world for her sister to invade their home in the wee hours of the morning to prepare a meal.

"Oh," he turned to go back to his room then stopped. "Wait. What?"

-=|=-

Sadie ignored the curious glances at the breakfast table as she played with Emma. "Are the pancakes okay?" she asked Jude.

"Uh-huh. Sadie, why are you here?"

"Well," she set down the glass of juice she'd been sipping from. "Today I'm Mary Poppins and in ten minutes you two are banished from this house."

Tommy choked on his mouthful of pancake and Jude patted his back as she stared at her sister. "What?"

"I'm giving you a free day off. Consider it Mommy and Daddy time. That's the only rule; you've got to spend the day together and no meeting up with anyone else."

Jude shook her head. "I can't. I've got a ton of laundry to do."

"I'll do the laundry."

"And Emma had a bit of a cough last night."

"If it shows up again I'll take her to the Doctor."

"I wanted to work on one of my songs."

"I'll... hire someone to tune your guitar for you."

As Jude rolled her eyes and searched for a new excuse, Tommy spoke up for the first time. He extended his hand across the table to her to shake. "Miss Harrison. It's a deal."

-=|=-

Jude plucked a blade of grass from the front lawn and held it up to the sun. Sadie had stuck to her threat and kicked them out the front door right on schedule. Jude had fussed and complained when it came to leaving Emma and even now the faint cries coming from the house made her shiver. Both too short on sleep for spontaneity, she and Tommy had both sunk down onto the mossy green carpet of their front lawn to plan their next move.

"Ten pin bowling?" Tommy suggested. He was lying on his side, one hand shading his face from the sun.

Jude made a face. "I don't think that's what Sadie had in mind."

"No, Swan shaped boats on the river Avon, candle lit dinners and fireworks were probably on her menu."

Jude blushed. Apparently her sister's intentions weren't just transparent to her. "That obvious huh?"

He rolled over onto his stomach, moving closer to her at the same time and his shoulder brushed against her arm. "I'm not complaining," he remarked with a flirtatious smile.

"Hmmm," she rolled her eyes and leaned back on her arms. The sun was warming as the day began to kick in and it's rays showered down on her. Sadie's words were echoing in her mind. After Tommy had walked out the door and Jude was following, her sister had caught her arm and held her back. 'You're looking for the right time?' she'd asked knowingly, 'you're going to get it.'

"It's hot," Tommy muttered, a hint of complaint in his voice.

Jude swatted at a bee floating in the air around her face and glanced over at him. "Fancy a swim?"

-=|=-

Though it seemed impossible, the air had only gotten warmer in the fifteen minute drive to the town pool. Jude jumped out of the car and closed the door with a happy thud. The fan in Tommy's car was malfunctioning and even with the windows down it had felt like a sauna. She hung back to savor a cool breeze being channeled down the narrow road as Tommy walked ahead to the pool entrance. He was frowning when she reached him.

"Uh-oh?" she asked.

He scratched the back of his head as he turned to her. "Today's Sunday isn't it?" She nodded, "They're only open in the afternoon on Saturdays."

"Well bleep." She sighed as she leaned her forehead against the wrought iron gates. She could see through to the distant aqua sheen of the main pool and she sighed longingly. "So pretty." Hearing footsteps next to her she turned to see Tommy jogging alongside the tall brick fence. Seconds later he disappeared around the corner. Jude turned her back to the gates and crossed her arms over her chest as she waited.

He appeared a moment later, poking his head around the corner as he waved to her. "Psst!"

She shaded her eyes from the sun and frowned at him. "What?" she asked loudly.

He rolled his eyes. "Weren't you just watching an "Alius" marathon last week, or was it "Veronica Mars"? Be Stealthy."

"Has the heat gotten to you already?" She reluctantly trudged over and allowed him to lead her down a narrow path between the hedge and east facing wall of the pool.

"There's a tree down here," he pointed ahead. "It's an easy climb. I think we can scale the wall."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "What?"

"It's not that high. It'll be fine."

"When Sadie played matchmaker I don't think she was trying to set us up with prison cell mates Tommy."

"We're not breaking or stealing anything, we're just going for a swim. Come on, take a risk."

He was so excited, almost hopping up and down on the spot and she couldn't resist the adorable sparkle in his eyes. Again she grudgingly allowed herself to be led along the path. She watched skeptically as he began to clamber up the tree. It did look easy enough. There were a lot of low and thick branches, making an easy ladder to the top of the brick wall.

"This is really ridiculous considering we have a pool at home," she remarked as she began to follow him up the tree. He'd reached the top of the wall and sat, straddling it as he waited for her to reach him.

"Yes, but it was out of bounds."

"My sister is evil," she sighed.

He looked a little nervous as she reached the top of the wall and carefully climbed on top of it. "Oh," she remarked a second later, when she'd opted to actually look down. Instantly the ground began to swirl before her eyes as her heart rate quickened. She gripped onto the fence, her knuckles turning white. "There isn't a tree on this side."

"Yeah, I hadn't actually thought that far into the plan."

"Oh well," she swung her leg back over the wall and began to reach for the tree. "It was a good plan."

"Nuh-uh," he grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "Look, it's not that far." He swung his other leg over and then twisted around so that he was facing the wall, then began to lower his feet over the inside. Eventually he was hanging by his hands, his feet still dangling some almost five or so feet from the ground. He let go of the wall and fell to the ground, bending his knees on impact. His grinned up at Jude and bowed low to the ground.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair," he sung to her. His grin betrayed how pleased with that performance he was.

"I'm not doing that," Jude remarked with a defiant head shake. "You go for your swim. I'm just going to watch from here, there's a nice view up here actually."

"I am not leaving you on the fence."

"Hmm, I'm sure I've heard that line in a movie somewhere. Or was it something about a finger in a dam?" she gazed skyward and painted a thoughtful expression on her face, ignoring his impatient motioning for her to jump down. "Tommy, I hate to break it to you but I can't fly. I can't float. I don't jump, I fall and I've broken my leg twice. I am not doing that."

He took a few steps closer to the wall and reached up for her. "You don't have to fly or float. You just have to let me catch you."

"Uh-huh," she smirked down at him, "I also hate to break this to you - despite my comment last night, you are not Superman."

He rested a hand on his hip and glared at her. "You don't trust me!"

She shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"Then jump off the fence and let me catch you."

"Can you even hear yourself right now?" she teased, trying to hide the fear wobbles in her voice, "the heat really must be getting to you."

"Please Jude," the teasing had left his voice and he stared up at her seriously. "Please trust me?"

She gazed at him silently for a moment, recognizing the fact that the moment had changed from playful banter and into something deeper, hiding under the surface. "Okay," she nodded, "how do we do this?"

He seemed relieved as he stepped closer to the wall. "Do exactly like I did."

She complied though her movements were slower and jerkier. Any second she expected to lose her grip from the profuse amounts of sweat pooling on the palms of her hands. A few seconds later she was hanging helplessly from the wall, thinking just how much of a stupid idea this had been when she felt Tommy's hands rest securely on her waist and effortlessly lift her up and away from the wall. She closed her eyes for a second and opened them as her feet were set on the ground. The pool was in front of her, sparkling in the morning light and she turned to Tommy with a smile.

"Well, thank-you Superman."

-=|=-

Jude spat out a mouthful of water as she rather unsuccessfully treaded water. They'd been in the pool for nearly and hour and she was tiring quickly. It was funny, when it came to running around looking for Emma, her energy seemed boundless, or at least she was less aware of her exhaustion but with anything else she was down for the count instantly.

"That's a really good drowning woman impression," Tommy remarked as he floated past her.

"Uh-huh," she gurgled, unwittingly swallowing more water. She disappeared under the water for a second and fought the urge to roll her eyes, simply for the sake of keeping them closed and the chlorine out.

She felt movement in the water beneath her and then Tommy's arms wrapping around her waist and lifting her to the surface. He swam her to the side of the pool and she climbed up.

"I'm not normally so pathetic," she remarked, wiping the excess moisture from her face and pushing her hair to the back of her neck.

"I know," he said seriously.

She lay back on the sun heated concrete, her feet still dangling in the water as Tommy floated on his back into the center of the pool. "What do you think Emma's doing right now?"

"Hopefully keeping her Auntie Sadie busy."

"Is it evil that I kind of want her to spit up on her?"

Jude giggled, "if you're evil, I'm evil too."

He began to swim back to the edge of the pool. "You know what? I think I'm bored with the pool."

She sat up as he climbed out of the pool and slowly stretched her arms and legs then held a hand up to him to help her out of the pool. Instead he leaned forward and allowed water from his hair to drip onto her newly dried skin and she let out an outraged squeal.

"Who's there?" A voice called from the other side of the fence.

Tommy's eyes were as wide as Jude's as they both turned to the spot where the voice had come from. The owner of the voice was concealed by the wall but they could hear footsteps quickly running back to the pool entryway, where the wrought iron fences provided an easy view into the entire pool area.

"A casual passer by?" Jude whispered as they ran to the wall.

Tommy shook his head. "Too interested. It must be security."

"Oh great. I can just see the headlines now: 'Jude Harrison promotes Teen Pregnancy _and_ trespassing.'"

Tommy was looking around wildly and finally spotted a park bench at the far end of the pool. As Jude ran to catch up he pulled it over to the wall and climbed on top. Jude quickly followed and he gave her a boost as she leapt up onto the wall then quickly followed.

"You two! Stop right there!"

The ground was built up on the other side of the fence and they were easily able to jump down without getting hurt.

"Oh my God," Jude laughed as they raced back to the car. "I can't believe we just did that."

"Baby," Tommy grinned as he held her door open for her, "we're just getting started."

**Chapter 57: One word is simply not enough. How about two, or **_**three**_**?**

_He sighed in frustration. "Well I don't know how to fix it, Jude. I don't know what more I can do and say to make you feel comfortable because it feels like all I ever do is try to make you feel okay, but it just never happens!" The words came out faster and angrier then he's intended, edged with something he'd never dared voice with her and needless to say she appeared taken aback._

"I'm not asking you to fix it," she said in a small voice, "I'm the one who has to fix it. I'm just trying to figure it all out in my head." She began walking again, fast, and he had to jog to catch up with her.


	56. Chapter 56: One word is not enough

_Second to last chapter __**ever**__ guys! (Though there should be a prologue as well). Again, don't get hissy at Jude She's just taking baby steps._

Hope you like it. Next chapter is done but as usual, I don't like it. 

**Chapter 57: Courage**

Jude was relieved to find that their criminal streak ended with the pool. After some deliberation and driving in circles they'd stopped at the local botanical gardens. As they walked under the memorial arch it was like stepping into another world. The noise and chaos of the day was blocked out and they were immersed in a world of heady scents, vibrant colors and peace.

She was running her hands over a rose's dewy petals, feeling the velvety texture beneath her skin, the moisture clinging to her fingers when she was vaguely aware of Tommy running off ahead. When she glanced up she saw him venturing back with a single red rose.

Her eyes widened as she glanced around for witnesses. "You're not supposed to pick them," she hissed as he pressed the rose into her hands. Somehow he'd managed to pull off the thorns and she safely twirled the stem in her hands, watching as beadlets of water danced up in the air.

"I'll put in a good donation at the gate," he shrugged. He was brushing his index finger against his jeans as if attempting to wipe something away without being noticed and she reached for his hand. Sure enough, a small stream of red blood was flowing from a puncture wound on the pad of his finger.

"Oh, Tommy. You're hurt."

"I'll live."

She gazed at him apologetically as she cradled the injured finger to her. "I'm sorry." She leaned down and pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand, feeling the warmth of his skin tingling on her lips as she pulled away.

"No big," he took his hand back, his eyes clouded and voice husky. "You want to get lunch now?"

She shrugged, "sure."

-=|=-

Jude fiddled with the straw of her strawberry milkshake, stirring the bright pink plastic through the frothy liquid as the warm chatter of the Cafe washed over her. After pouring over their menus and placing their orders, she and Tommy had fallen into an awkward silence. The kind that settles in where there's lots to be said and none of it easy.

"So," she drummed her fingers on the table. Tommy glanced up and his eyes met hers. Wow, she really couldn't think of a _thing_ to say! Even weather based small talk eluded her. She smiled but it turned into a cringe as she shrugged sheepishly.

He smiled sympathetically and supplied casual small talk. "Sadie sure is something huh? Is that girl ever not scheming?"

She laughed, "Well, if it's happened I must have blinked and missed it because I really don't recall."

The waitress arrived then with their food and for a few minutes awkwardness was lost in the clinging of knives and forks against plates and the rustling of serviettes. Jude had been distracted by the truly sinful perfection of her lasagna when she noticed Tommy watching a young couple by the window. They were eating slowly and clumsily, due to the fact that they insisted on holding hands. They were constantly laughing and they had eyes for no one else. Jude opened her mouth to tease Tommy about the slightly yearning expression he was wearing but soon realized she couldn't. No comment about missing groupie adoration or supermodel girlfriends seemed appropriate anymore. They weren't there.

As the waitress brought out a giant and sundae and two spoons for the young couple, she found herself silently watching them too. The girl reached over with her spoon and dabbed chocolate sauce on the guys nose and Jude smiled. It reminded her of she and Tommy's first date, which reminded her of fairy tale lights and picnic blankets and kissing on doorsteps. And, as she racked her mind for some light hearted easy thing to say, she knew – they weren't there anymore.

They couldn't go back. The metaphorical spot of land they currently stood on was cracking and crumbling into the ocean of life, leaving them an ever shrinking foothold. They could only stand still for so much longer.

They had to move forward.

-=|=-

"You've been quiet," Tommy remarked somewhat accusingly. He pulled the Hummer into a parking space and killed the engine. Ever since lunch Jude had been lost in her own world, offering polite but disconnected answers to all his suggestions for their afternoon's entertainment. It had felt like a scene in a movie where he could of said something bizarre and crazy like 'My pants are on fire,' or 'purple aliens are invading earth' and she would have responded: 'that's nice'.

He'd received a non-committal 'sure' when he'd suggested a hike in the mountains. It had seemed the entire drive there that Jude was about to say something. She'd constantly glance his way and open her mouth to speak, then stop, the words failing her as her nerves got the better of her.

"Have I?" she asked, in response to his question, wiping the palms of her hands on her shorts as she reached for the door handle, "Sorry."

"Uh-huh," he walked around the front of the vehicle and met her at the center of the bonnet, stopping her in her tracks. "What's up Rock Star?"

She shrugged and sidestepped him, "I'm just missing Emma." She started up the mountain path, apparently intending to go on their hiking trip with or without him.

"Plausible," he ran to catch up with her, "but not it."

"Do you remember our fake first date?" They'd stepped into the shelter of the pines and he reached out to steady her as she stumbled on a loose pine cone, still so in her own world and paying little attention to anything around her.

He nodded. "Fondly."

She blushed a little as she glanced away, intently keeping her eyes on the forest floor for further rogue pine cones. "Today doesn't feel like that."

"That's because today is real and the fake first date, by definition, was fake."  
Her eyebrows drew together in frustration. "Not all of it. I mean, everything came so easy and felt so comfortable and now..."

"It's not?"

She shook her head. "i just want things to be the way that they were. I'm so sick of everything changing all the time. I'm tired of being so scared and unsure. Did you know I miss Emma?" she shook her head when he nodded, "no, I don't mean right now. I mean _all_ the time; when I'm with her, everything. It's like, when I was pregnant, she was a part of me, we were the same person, she was always there. And now we're two separate people on two different life paths and I know she's only a baby and it will be so long until she leaves but I feel like every day is another step apart for us and... it's just so _ridiculous_." She shook her head angrily.

"Maybe this is some kind of post natal depression thing?" Tommy suggested, feeling inadequate and ignorant as he spoke.

"No, it's just me over analyzing and working myself into a state."

"You're scared of the people you care about leaving." She nodded. "Jude, I'm not going anywhere."

She stopped walking and looked at him for a long time. "I feel like you are and you aren't. We're not the same Tommy. Somethings changed and it makes me feel uncomfortable."

He sighed in frustration. "Well I don't know how to fix it, Jude. I don't know what more I can do and say to make you feel _comfortable_ because it feels like all I ever do is try to make you feel okay, but it just never happens!" The words came out faster and angrier then he's intended, edged with something he'd never dared voice with her and needless to say she appeared taken aback.

"I'm not asking you to fix it," she said in a small voice, "I'm the one who has to fix it. I'm just trying to figure it all out in my head." She began walking again, fast, and he had to jog to catch up with her.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly.

"Don't. Don't be sorry. All you ever do is sacrifice for me . I'm the one who should be sorry."

"It's not like that."

She covered her face with her hands and exhaled slowly. "I'm screwing this up so badly," she mumbled to herself.

"Look, maybe we should drop this topic for awhile," he suggested, irritation still evident in his voice.

"Yeah, you're probably right," she shook her head and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "Look, I left something in the car. I'm just gonna run back and get it. Can I have the keys?"

He caught a brief glimmer of the tears in her eyes as she extended her hand and he shook his head. "I'll go get it."

"No, it's fine."

"I'll come with you then."

"No," her voice was insistent and a tad wobbly, "I just need to go back to the car okay? You go ahead and I'll catch up soon." Not waiting for an answer, she snatched the keys from his hand and started back, one hand pressed to her forehead and the other swinging at her side as she jogged down the path.

Tommy watched her go silently. When she disappeared around a corner he kicked the nearest tree trunk, cursing under his breath. He had no idea what had just transpired between them or why she was so upset but he was annoyed - impatient, exhausted and annoyed. After another moments deliberation, he turned and continued down the path and away from her.

-=|=-

Jude had fallen asleep in the car. Soft, sad music was blaring from the radio and filtering around the locked vehicle as she lay curled up on her side. She didn't hear Tommy's approaching footsteps but jumped in fright when she heard a loud knock from the driver's side of the hummer. She sat up, brushing the sleep from her eyes and leaned over to open the door.

"You never came back, I was worried," he said in a clipped tone, not looking at her as he climbed into the vehicle.

"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep." She pulled the lever to restore her seat into an upright position and he glanced over at her briefly as he started the car.

"Uh-huh."

"I'm sorry."

"So you said."

"No, about everything back there. I didn't mean to start a fight. Believe me, it was my last intention."

"I think we should just go home." He still didn't look at her as he pulled out of the park and out onto the main road. She noticed he was driving faster then usual and slunk down into her seat, closing her eyes tightly.

"It's not time yet."

"I'll kick Sadie out of the house if I have to."

Despite herself, despite the anger in his voice, she found a smile creeping onto her lips. "I'd like to see you try." She glanced over to see the briefest flicker of a smile on his lips too. "Do we have to go back to the house?"

"We couldn't think of anywhere else to go all day. Don't tell me you have an idea now?"

She looked out at the rugged mountain scenery, noting the distant dim lights of the city, glowing softly as night began to fall. "You still have the keys to the old apartment right?"

He finally glanced over at her. "Yes."

She reached over to touch his arm lightly and felt him stiffen slightly. "Then lets go there. Lets go home."

-=|=-

Jude held the apartment door open for Tommy as he staggered in behind her. They'd thought ahead; the power was off in the apartment so in one hand he held a bag of candles and matches with the pinky of his finger, while he clasped a phone to his ear. In the other hand he held a grocery bag containing champagne and Ice Cream. He'd insisted on being the gentleman and carrying everything, leaving Jude with only two plastic champagne flutes to bear.

She took the bags from him once they were inside the apartment, knowing he couldn't argue while ordering Chinese food and besides, what point was there now they were here? In the absence of a table, she set them down on the living room floor. The curtains had been drawn and it was almost impossible to make out anything in the room. She opted to open the curtains and allow the moonlight to spill in before seeking out the matches and lighting the candles.

"They'll be here in twenty minutes." Tommy said as he hung up the phone.

"Great. Should we start with dessert first?" She motioned to he bag with the Ice Cream and he grinned his agreement as he took out the tub of chocolate éclair and two plastic spoons.

"Remember that night when you were pregnant and got a craving for rocky road? If I recall you ate at least two tubs."

"Um, excuse me," she rolled her eyes playfully as she carefully knelt down beside him, making sure not to spill any candle wax as she set the glowing orbs down between them. "If I recall correctly you helped, in fact you ate just as much as I did. I was pregnant, what was your excuse?"

He shrugged. "Touche."

She stabbed her spoon into the Ice Cream and watched him through her lashes. They were both attempting to keep the mood playful and relaxed but the tension was still there, dwelling under the surface.

"It's kind of creepy in here," Jude remarked after a few minutes of silent Ice Cream devouring. "It seems so strange, there being no furniture."

"The Real Estate agent actually suggested putting in a few pieces, she says it often helps places sell for people to be able to see what they look like with basic furniture." He shrugged.

"I kind of hate the idea of it selling," Jude admitted, "we have so many good memories here." She smiled, "I feel like I grew up here."

He nodded, "me too."

When the food arrived Jude took the opportunity to walk around the apartment while Tommy paid the delivery boy. She paused in what had been her bedroom and imagined her desk in it's old position, then ran her fingers over it's imaginary surface as she left the room. She splashed water on her face in the bathroom and paused to gaze at her reflection in the mirror. She didn't enter Tommy's old room, just leaned against the wall beside it and stared at the partially ajar door. Visions of the night he'd admitted his attraction toward her were flashing across her mind like scenes from an old black and white movie. She remembered pounding her fists against the closed door and begging him to understand where she was coming from. She closed her eyes tightly and turned away from the door.

Tommy was waiting in the living room, cartons of food open in front of him, steam and their delicious aroma wafting up into the air. "I thought I lost you for a second there," he remarked.

"Nope," she shook her head, "I'm still here."

-=|=-

"Tommy," Jude swallowed hard as she gazed across the room, "I kind of wanted to talk to you about something."

The candles had burnt down considerably, the flames flickered weakly, completely hidden by surrounding walls of wax, their soft glow barely making it through. Outside clouds had parted and the full moon was streaming in as brightly as it could. Jude had her back to the wall, just below the window, a glass of champagne in her hands. The liquid was warming her insides, filling her with a feeling of false security, well being and perhaps... a little liquid courage?

"I kind of wanted to talk to you about it before but it came out wrong."

"Okay," he nodded, urging her on, his casual, almost bored expression telling to the fact that he had no idea the significance of what she was going to say.  
"Remember," she paused, exhaling slowly, "remember that night when there was the dance at G-Major and we had that major blow up when you..." she paused, unsure how to word it, feeling the blood rushing to her face.

"When I made a total ass of myself?" he supplied, raising an amused eyebrow. She wasn't buying it. Even now she could see in the grim set of his jaw and the way his eyes didn't meet hers; it still stung.

"I wouldn't put it that way," she said softly.

He shrugged, "what about that night?"

"Do you remember what I said?"

He shrugged, "not particularly. If I recall correctly I was too busy sulking to pay any attention."

She smiled sadly. "I said I wasn't ready to think about a relationship, with anyone. I said that I had too much on my plate and I just couldn't... Mostly I was just scared and... selfish, I guess."

He didn't say anything but as her words faded away and it became obvious she wasn't about to say more, he spoke up. "If you were selfish, so was I. I was only really thinking about myself then, immersed in my own ego and all of that. I thought I could make you happy, I thought you would _be_ happy."

"You were right."

He glanced up at her words, still not understanding what she was trying to say without actually saying it.

"I just, I'm trying to say... well, Emma's been born, things have quietened down, I just thought, if it wasn't too late, maybe we could... reassess the situation?"

"Reassess?" he stared at her incredulously and for the life of her she couldn't process the thought behind the expression. Was he annoyed, happy, laughing at the ridiculous notion that he would actually want any kind of relationship with her?

"But, uh, if you don't want to, that's totally fine." Unconsciously she scrambled to her feet, wanting to escape the way he was looking at her and the way her stomach was jumping into her throat, attempting to choke her. "I mean, I just wanted to put it out there and be honest about what I was feeling, not that I _entirely_ know what that is, I just..." she was walking past him and toward the hallway, one hand held above her eyes as if shielding them from blinding sunlight, not just an embarrassing situation. "Gosh, I'm sorry."

"Jude? Jude, wait!" He caught her by the shoulders, spinning her until she was facing him, her back to the wall. The action was forceful; almost violent, almost scary. Only she wasn't hurt and she wasn't afraid. It wasn't anger in Tommy's eyes, or that unreadable expression that had been there a moment ago, but passion and… love. Love that washed over her like warming waves, love that was branded into her skin by his soft touch as his hand ran up the curve of her neck and cupped her chin.

She shivered as she closed her eyes, thankful for the support of the wall behind her. She felt his lips graze her forehead and her eyes fluttered open.

"I love you," The words were so soft she questioned if she'd heard correctly.

His eyes met hers momentarily before he placed a soft kiss on her cheekbone. "I've been attracted to you ever since I first met you," He softly whispered against her skin. He dragged his lips further down her cheek and kissed her there. "I started falling for you that day at the park." He kissed her jaw line, and her eyes drifted shut again. She was staying so still – afraid to shatter the moment or wake from the dream.

"And that night you were so terrified of the sheep" He continued. He smiled against her skin as he murmured the words and she found herself smiling too.

He placed a kiss on her chin and she felt herself tremble slightly. "I fell in love with you as I watched you grow stronger and braver." He kissed her right cheek, just below her ear, "And I fell in love more as I watched you falling in love with Emma through your pregnancy," He brushed a kiss along her hairline then pulled back to look in her eyes. "I love you, Jude." This time he said it louder. This time she didn't once doubt that she'd heard correctly.

She searched his eyes, seeing everything he'd just professed mirrored there. She knew she should answer; he was waiting for her answer. Her mind desperately tried to focus on something other then those blue depths and the delicious warmth of knowing this man loved her, that was washing over her.

The magnitude of his confession was so sudden, so unexpected, so much more then she'd hoped for or expected – love? Romantic love? She'd thought maybe he had a crush on her, maybe he thought there could be something more between them if explored, but not this? Though in retrospect she realized maybe she did see it coming, she just never allowed the message to get from her eyes to her brain. And despite initiating this whole thing, despite it going better then she'd expected, it had also gone further then she'd expected and she was left not knowing how to answer. Somehow she imagined Sadie would roll her eyes if she was verbally expressing this to her, that she'd tell her she was an idiot and that she knew how to answer, she knew how she felt, but she needed time to think.

She wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him toward her and tilting her head up to kiss him, buying time with a kiss that was only a partial answer. He responded to the kiss with very little urging, wrapping his arms around her waist and running a hand up her back, greedily taking what little answer she gave him. Their lips met and parted and she tilted her head slightly to achieve a better angle. He lowered his head, his lips capturing hers again, leaving her barely a moment to catch her breath.

Love? The ultimate four letter word and one she had so little experience with.  
Was that the cause of the butterflies in he stomach, the insistence behind her knees' determination to give out? Was she _in love_?

**Teasers for the Final Chapter**

_"I would like to change that someday soon," he said softly._

"What?"

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Your name." 


	57. Chapter 57: Conclusion

So I've been stalling on posting this for ages, hoping to find a way to make it bette but now I'm just going to bite the bullet and post. There is one more bit to come after this (an epilogue) so don't delete the bookmarks just yet.

And please, please, please comment. (This goes out to all the lurkers as well as regular comments). I'd really love to hear any of your reviews on the story as a whole.

**Chapter 58: Conclusion**

Jude awoke the next morning with memories of the night before playing in her mind. At first it all seemed like a sweet dream and she kept her eyes tightly shut to encourage it to continue. After the passionate kiss they'd shared at the apartment they'd received a call from Sadie, officially giving them permission to return to the house. They'd packed up their things with surprisingly little conversation, just the occasional goofy glance. Tommy had held her hand the entire trip home, she'd chatted with Sadie over a cup of tea while he'd settled Emma into bed and then they retired for the nights in their respective rooms. She remembered resting her head on her pillow as a wide and still somewhat astonished smile spread across her lips.

When she'd finally convinced herself it was all the reality of the previous night and not a dream she blearily reached for her alarm clock. She anticipated it to inform her she only had five minutes until it's insistent ring but instead found the alarm disabled and a post-it note covering the face:

_Happy Birthday, Girl. Sleep in, you deserve it. Don't worry about Anna, we're bonding over the art of birthday cake baking.  
Love Tommy_

She smiled and pulled the covers up over her head, welcoming back slumber as unnoticed voices softly wafted up the stairs.

-=|=-

"I can't believe you organized all of this in one day," Tommy remarked with a shake of his head as he helped Sadie retrieve decorations and wrapped gifts from the basement.

"Hey, you helped; that begrudging performance yesterday was brilliant. She didn't suspect a thing. How did your alone day go anyway?" She held one end of a long 'Happy 18th Birthday' banner as he climbed on a ladder and pinned the other end to the wall. She was trying to act casual and not overly interested but her curiosity was killing her.

He smiled. "I think the events of the day should be left to girl talk. It went well though, I'll say that much."

She leaned forward, craning her neck to see his smile, even as he faced the wall. "Uh-huh, that goofy grin tells me everything I need to know."

He climbed down the ladder and moved on to the other end of the banner. "So what time are the guests arriving?"

"Just before lunch. I figure you can take Jude breakfast in bed in another half hour or so. You'll need to come up with something to keep her upstairs, maybe you guys could work on a song? Then say something about going out for a birthday lunch to encourage her to get dressed up."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just bring forward the start time?"

"Believe me, it was considered but you know the kind of morning person Jude is."

"Right," he nodded knowingly, "good thinking."

-=|=-

Jude was sitting up in her bed, writing in her song journal when Tommy tapped on her bedroom door. She leaned forward and smiled when she saw him carrying the tray of food. "Breakfast in bed? For me?"

He shook his head, "no, it's for the wood pigeon outside the window. Of course it's for you." He set the tray down on the bedside table and leaned forward to kiss her softly. "Happy birthday," he whispered as he rubbed his nose against hers.

"Thank-you." She slid over in the bed, clearing a space for him then patted it with her hands, "come join me."

He sat down then passed the tray of food over. She settled back against the headboard, with his arm around her shoulders and handed him a slice of her toast. Smiling, he accepted and only then did she begin to eat.

"How did you sleep?"

She nodded. "Really well. I kept waking up though, expecting Emma to cry. Where is she anyway?"

He scratched the back of his head and stalled for an answer that didn't involve 'with your sister', "Uh, she's in her crib in the nursery, sleeping."

Jude frowned. "That's strange. She normally doesn't go down again until after lunch."

"I guess she lost a little sleep missing you yesterday," he shrugged. "Hey, I've been working on a song and I was wondering if you'd take a look at it with me after breakfast?"

Jude brushed the crumbs from her fingers and nodded, "sure. What do you have so far?"

"A name."

"...Okay."

-=|=-

Sadie grinned and motioned to the people standing in Jude's living room to get into position as she dialed Tommy's number on her cell phone.

"Hello?" She could hear a guitar playing in the background and Jude's voice singing softly.

"Supergirl to Jazzy feet, everything is in place, bring down the Rock Star at twelve hundred hours. That's in one minute, by the way," she said quickly.

He groaned. "Do we have to use the code names?"

"Just do it!" She snapped her cell phone shut then smiled nervously at the guests. "She's on her way."

She'd shut the curtains to darken the room and as a door opened upstairs guests hid behind couches and furniture. Sadie pressed herself against the wall, just inside the archway that opened in the living room, one finger ready and waiting on the light switch.

Jude's voice wafted down the stairs, her begrudging footsteps following Tommy's determined ones. "I don't think we should go out to lunch just now. We were just starting to get somewhere with the song."

"It's your birthday-"

She giggled, "Yeah, It's my birthday and I'll write a song if I want to."

They'd reached the bottom of the stairs and though Sadie couldn't see from her position she knew Tommy would be getting Jude in position for the surprise. She just needed to wait for the words...

"Tommy, why is it so dark?"

"Surprise!" Sadie flicked the light switch on and in perfect synchronization party members jumped out of their hiding places. Jude's hands flew to her mouth, her eyes wide and shocked as she gaze at the family and friends crowded into the festively decorated room.

"Oh my gosh," she glanced from Tommy to Sadie, "You guys did this? For me?"

Tommy pointed to Sadie, "it was all her."

"Sades," tears were welling in Jude's eyes as she walked to her sister, arms extended, "You are the best sister ever."

Smiling, Sadie hugged her tightly, "No, I just did this for the best sister ever."

Jude stepped back and wrapped her arm around Tommy's waist, "thanks," she whispered to him as he squeezed her to him in a sideways hug.

"Let's get this party started!" Sadie declared with a whoop as she picked up a remote and turned on the stereo, "someone get the curtains and I'll get the cake."

-=|=-

Tommy found Jude under an apple tree in the garden, some hour or so later. She was gently rocking Emma to sleep in her arms. From here the party was just a distant hum. He paused to watch Jude as the sunlight streamed through the leaves and highlighted her. Despite the setting, despite her daughter in her arms and the fact that it was her eighteenth birthday she still appeared so very young and, though he knew it wasn't true, so fragile. All he wanted, all he cared about in that moment was protecting and making both she and Emma happy.

"Is she asleep?" he whispered when he joined Jude under the tree a few moments later.

"Uh-huh. Mom has been doing such a good job watching her during the party but I just wanted a little time with her before she went down for her afternoon sleep."

"Are you enjoying the party?" he leaned against the tree trunk, one hand holding onto a tree brunch above him.

"It's amazing. I can't believe she got all these people together. She even invited Jamie Andrews; he was my best friend in Elementary school but his family moved to Chicago just before Junior High. I hadn't seen him in years."

"Well, you know what I always say, the Harrison women are really something."

She smiled and rolled her eyes bashfully at the complement.

He took a step forward and gazed down at the sleeping baby, gently brushing his index finger down her cheek. "I would like to change that someday soon," he said softly.

"What?"

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Your name."

Her eyes widened. "You mean..."

"I just wanted to state my intentions and hopes for us," he said quickly, "I don't want to rush you into anything. Somewhere down the line I would like for us to-"

"Jude!" Sadie's voice drifted over from the house, "it's time for the cake."

With much difficulty Jude tore her eyes away from the intensity of Tommy's and nodded to her sister. He leaned forward to kiss her cheek lightly. "We can talk later. We have all the time in the world, right? Here, I'll take her up to your mother. You go blow out your candles."

"Um, okay," Jude's voice was a little shaky, still overwhelmed by Tommy's revelation. She carefully handed over the baby, appreciating the way he gently cradled the small body to him as he carefully walked back to the house.

Just as he was about to walk into the house he paused and turned back to her. "I hope you don't mind but I invited someone I'd like you to meet. They're going to be here in another hour or so."

She nodded, "okay."

-=|=-

The cake platter sat in the center of the room, mere crumbs and the odd outed candle the only contents it housed. Around it lay tatters of wrapping paper and ribbons. The guests had been seated in the living room while Jude graciously suffered through 'Happy Birthday', not showing her contempt of the song in the slightest. People had talked quietly amongst themselves as they ate their cake and poured over pictures of Emma. Now the party had quietened down and soon guests would be excusing themselves, departing the festivities for the chores awaiting them at home on this sunny Saturday afternoon.

Tommy had disappeared upstairs a few minutes earlier. Jude glanced up to see him coming down with his guitar in hand. She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly but he just smiled and shook his head.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could have a moment of your time," he said as he walked into the room, "there's one more gift to be given. This is a little something I've been working on for the last couple of months. As it was written for and about her, I thought now would be the perfect time to unveil it."

His eyes moved to Jude's and stayed there as he strummed the opening chords then began to sing.

_I was on a solitary road until I met you,  
Wading through life dreaming of you.  
I've got to say it wasn't what I imagined,  
Though nothing ever is.  
Now I couldn't imagine life without you, I,  
Wouldn't want to exist, if you weren't around._

Don't want to fight anymore,  
Just want to drown in this reality.  
I'll leap, I'll jump, I'll fly, I'll soar,  
Because you're mine.  
It wouldn't be life if you weren't mine.

I felt I'd choke waiting for you to feel the same.  
Would have given the wealth, fortune and fame,  
For you to just feel the same.  
Being with you, I felt whole,  
And I could only dream you'd feel the same.

Don't want to fight anymore,  
Just want to drown in this reality.  
I'll leap, I'll jump, I'll fly, I'll soar,  
Because you're mine.  
It wouldn't be life if you weren't mine.

And now it's life...  
because you're mine.

[/i]

As he sung the final lines Jude stood to her feet and walked over to him. She knelt beside his chair, one hand resting on his knee as she gazed up at him. When the song was complete and the final chord strummed, she silently took the guitar from him and rose to her feet. Ignoring her normal tendency to shy from PDA she sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled him to her as her lips met his in a passionate and grateful kiss.

-=|=-

Jude waved to her final guest as they climbed into their car and drove away. Sadie was inside packing up and her mother was still upstairs with Emma.

"Sades, leave that," Jude scolded when she walked into the kitchen to find Sadie loading the dishwasher.

"No way, you are not doing cleaning up on your birthday."

"But you've already done so much."

"It's your eighteenth birthday, that's a big deal. I know you'll do the same for me the next time I have an important event in my life. You do know you're planning my engagement party, bridal shower, wedding reception and baby shower right? And I do expect them to be mind blowingly amazing." She winked.

"Well of course." Jude wrapped her arms around her, hugging her from behind. "The best deserves the best. I love you so much Sadie. I'm so blessed to have you as a sister."

Tommy called from the hallway then and Jude gave her sister one final squeeze then followed his voice to the living room. He was standing nervously at the door while an elegant woman with jet black hair, alabaster skin and Tommy's eyes sat on the sofa.

"Jude, I'd like you to meet someone," Tommy said, wringing his hands slightly. "This is Ilene, my mother."

-=|=-

A few hours later, after Jude and Ilene had both talked over tea and leftover birthday cake during which time embarrassing tales were told from Tommy's childhood and pictures shared, and after Ilene had been introduced to her granddaughter and oohed and aah'd the appropriate amount, the remaining family departed and they were alone. Jude was outside overlooking the swimming pool, the shimmering light glowing about her face. She held a birthday card in her hands and wore a half smile on her face. She didn't even notice Tommy's approach.

"It's been quite an eventful day," he said, pausing behind her.

She turned, smiling when she saw him, "it certainly has. Tommy, thanks for inviting your mother. It was so great to meet her. She's really something."

"I'm glad you liked her," he stood beside her, hands resting on the fence that guarded the pool, "See? Not all my family is evil."

"They can't be, considering how well you turned out."

"Who's the card from?" He asked, motioning to it in her hands.

"It's from _my_ Dad actually." She tilted her head to the side as she gazed at the flowers adoring the cover. "Seems he's back to making an effort. Oh, and he's so, so sorry."

"What are you going to do?"

She folded the card and slipped it into her pocket. "I'm not sure yet. I think I'll just leave it be for awhile and then see how I feel."

"Sounds like a good idea." He turned to her and took her hands in his. "Jude, I know we haven't really talked about everything that's happened between us these last twenty-four hours and I just wanted to say-"

The sudden, insistent wail of a newly awoken Emma drifted from the house and they both smiled.

"I'll go," Jude offered.

"No, it's your birthday. I'll handle it."

Jude opted to stay by the pool for awhile longer after he left. She could hear Emma continuing to fuss for another ten minutes or so but knew she wasn't due for another feeding and that whatever the problem was, Tommy could handle it.

As she gazed down at the water, her mind's eye projected video like memories onto it's surface. She remembered the feeling of fear and horror when she learned she was pregnant, the disbelief of Tommy's offer and her gradually growing faith in him when he continued to stick to his word. She remembered late nights at the studio or the two of them curled up on the sofa watching a movie, how protective he'd been with Justin and the way he stood up to her father. Their 'first date' flashed through her mind and the 'for show' kisses they'd shared that had always left her breathless. She saw him holding her hand during her ultrasound, at the Doctors room, in the studio, at the grocery store, when she'd cried over her father, during her labor and every time she needed it afterwards.

She could see now that everything he'd said to her the night before had been true. They'd just been words but the last nine months had been the actions that gave meaning to the sentences. It was like breathing air into a balloon and then watching it float and move before you, no longer empty and forlorn but a beautiful reality.

So he loved her... She was slow to the plate but she got there eventually. That's what mattered. Life wasn't a race.

Did she love him too? She could see now, there was no question.

She walked back into the silent house, closing and locking the back door behind her. She eventually found Tommy in the nursery. He'd obviously been trying to play and distract Emma with the toys that littered the floor, as he was lying on his back in the middle of the rug, the baby sleeping peacefully on his chest. He looked up to see her in the door.

"Help, I was afraid I'd wake her if I tried to move," he whispered.

"Look at that, Superman disabled by a baby." She chuckled as she carefully slid her hands underneath Emma and began to life her.

"They're my one weakness – that and beautiful girls, well, just one in particular." He flashed her a flirtatious smile as she lowered the baby into the crib. Once she was settled and tucked in, Jude turned to him. He was kneeling behind her and when she turned back to him, he made a move to stand too.

"Wait," she whispered, putting a hand on his chest and sinking to her knees beside him. She smiled softly, letting her hands drift up to his shoulders then wrap around his neck. She leaned down to kiss him softly, gently pushing him back to the floor.

"You see my dilemma?" he asked huskily, quirking an eyebrow, "What man wouldn't be disabled by this, by you?"

She grinned, as she rested her hands on either side of him, seemingly pinning him to the floor as she hovered above him, then grew serious. "I'm sorry I was such a dumb mute last night, when you said all those wonderful things."

He shook his head and reached up to take a strand of her hair between his thumb and index finger. "It was response optional," he insisted, giving the hair a playful tug.

"I guess I was just a little overwhelmed."

"I can be overwhelming," he nodded seriously but his eyes sparkled.

She nodded. "You can be, you are. You have been ever since I met you." She ducked her head slightly, the words she wanted to say getting all caught up in her head as she struggled to find the right order. Why was it so easy to write a love song but so hard to, in reality, confess her true feelings? She shifted, the hard wood floor unforgiving against her knees, and her foot connected with a soft toy that squeaked in outrage at her intrusion. Tommy smiled but somehow she couldn't muster up the same.

"What I'm trying to say," she began, "is that all this time I've been so scared of relying on you so much that I couldn't get by without you. I was scared that if I let myself love you that I'd lose you, so I refused to let that happen," she explained slowly. "Only I wasn't stopping it from happening; I was just burying my head in the sand and closing my eyes to the reality I've finally learned to accept: it was happening and I had no control over it."

She leaned forward until her face was so close to his she could feel his breathe on her neck, "I'm not going to be tentative any longer. I love you, Tommy. I _have_ loved you for a long time and I _will_ love you." She shook her head, smiling softly as she conveyed her message both with her words and her eyes on his. "And I'm not afraid of that anymore."

**Teasers for the Epilogue**

_"He's home!" He cried happily, the words still new and awkward on his lips, a strange childish accent evident in them. He lifted his eyes to meet Jude's and a memory of her own voice echoed in her mind. "Who are you?"_


	58. Epilogue: Full circle

I held off posting this so I could post it on the two year anniversary of posting the first chapter of this story, only I forgot and now it's a day late. Oh well...

Thanks for bearing with me these last two years. This story was never meant to be this long (440 pages). It's been a long road but I've learnt a lot and hopefully it's another small step closer to someday being a published author. Thanks so much to everyone who offered constructive criticism and encouragement.  
Please comment 

**Epilogue**

It's strange how sleep can amplify memories, how it can project some ancient moment onto the mind's eye sharper and crisper then any 3-D movie. In slumber we can be transported through dimensions of reality and time and back to a moment we treasure so much.

It was the memories of Jude and Tommy's first days together as a couple that were projected into Jude's mind as she slept now. She saw his confession, or more accurately _felt_ as she had then. She remembered her party, his song, her final surrender to her own emotions and the sweet and awkward times that followed.

As with any relationship there were boundaries to be set. Perhaps strangely, the nightly sleepovers ended when they became a couple. It's hard now to remember from whom the abstinence idea originated and perhaps surprising that they stuck to it. She could remember the ultimately shared conviction that their romantic relationship, which was new and precious like a delicate flower, not be complicated or drowned out by extenuating factor. It wasn't to say their were moments of passion or breathless make-out sessions but it was all controlled and respectful. Perhaps the very events that had led to their relationship helped them to stick to a ideals and views now deemed so old-fashioned. She didn't regret it once and when they finally did experience their wedding night, she felt that it was only more powerful, memorable and special thanks to their decision.

In the early days, despite having spent so much time together and having grown so close, there were still moments of discovery; conversations about topics they'd never, prior to, entertained. Solitary views and beliefs were adjusted and compacted to their unit and the common ground they would never had dreamed they shared so much of a year earlier, was celebrated.

But mostly there was love, all consuming warmth and a feeling of peace and happiness that neither had ever felt before.

In her mind Jude flipped through the family album Sadie had given them so long ago. It was now almost completely filled with snapshots of their lives together, just as had been instructed. It began with the photo taken the day it was given, Jude and Tommy together but uncomfortable, caring but aloof. There were photographs of the two settling into their new home; a picture by the pool, Tommy assembling the cradle and arguing with the instruction manual and Jude planting flowers in the garden.

There was the first photograph with Emma, taken at the hospital. Jude was cradling the fragile bundle to her while Tommy leaned down beside them protectively. There were photos from Jude's eighteen birthday party including one of her blowing out her candles on her cake with Sadie cheering her on and a photograph or Tommy singing to her. Then there was Emma with her extended family; photos with both grandmothers, numerous images with Sadie and eventually, when she was older and feelings settled, the occasional image with Stuart. A favorite of Jude's was the photograph of she, Tommy and Emma at the launch of her third and most successful album to date.

As time passed there were photos of Emma's firsts: her first steps, her first day at Kindergarten, her first day at school, learning to ride a bike and photographs with her friends and so much more...

Now as she slept, there was a soft sound playing on the edge of her consciousness. As a mother, one quickly learns to tune into every sound and detail as if some maternal sixth sense was governing every action and Jude was no different. She opened one eyes, wincing as the harsh artificial light that welcomed her and quickly scanned her surroundings.

She had fallen asleep on the overstuffed and always tempting living room sofa. Judging by the drawn curtains and lamplight, it was evening. She could see from her position, as she sat up on the sofa, that the rest of the house was dark. The source of the noise she'd heard to her left, sitting in front of the fire place, her blonde hair glowing in the warm light as she combed a dolls hair, was Emma. She was singing softly, the song occasionally fading or dying out completely as she met with an especially challenging tangle in the dolls hair or forgot the lyrics. The sweet sound softly filled the room.

"What time is it?" Jude asked softly. The question was more intended for herself then Emma but the child glanced up all the same. "Shouldn't you be in bed young lady?"

Emma's pretty features contorted into a pout, "but you said I could stay up to see Daddy."

"Oh," Jude put a hand to her head as the short term memory's began to flood back to their rightful spot of center stage in her mind and the sweet memories settled back into the wings. "Yes, I did." She glanced at her watch." He should be back in by now." From down the hallway came the sound of a flushing toilet and Jude jumped in surprise. She had been certain she and Emma were the only tow in the house. Emma wasn't phased however. She simply rolled her eyes as small footsteps approached.

"He forgot to wash his hands again. That's so gross. And he probably missed the toilet and peed on the floor again.

The footsteps neared the doorway, moving at great speed. There was a skidding sound and a short blur of motion flew past the door frame and crashed on the floor.

"Doofus," Emma remarked.

Jude stood up quickly and rushed to the hallway. She was vaguely aware of the sound of a car outside, as she reached the shaking bundle on the floor. Expecting tears, she reached down and scooped him up. To her surprise she was met with bubbling giggles as the little brown haired boy squirmed in her arms.

"He's home!" He cried happily, the words still new and awkward on his lips, a strange childish accent evident in them. He lifted his eyes to meet Jude's and a memory of her own voice echoed in her mind. "Who _are_ you?"

"Put me down!" He squealed, wriggling in her arms.

Jude obeyed silently. She knew the small boy was Jonathon 'Jonny' Quincy and that he belonged to she and Tommy but her mind was strangely hazy, drawing back to some memory she couldn't quite place. She stepped back into the lounge to see Emma drop her doll and leap to her feet as a key rattled in the front door lock.

"Daddy!" Emma raced past Jude to join her excited younger brother at the door.

The man stepped inside and instantly dropped his bags on the floor. In a fluid and natural motion, he crouched down and opened his arms to the children. In the blur of the movement Jude couldn't see his face and she rushed forward, suddenly desperate to see the man her children called their father, the man who had just been a blur the first time she lived this moment.

"Now you two go and get ready for bed and I'll be up soon. If you're in your pajamas with your teeth brushed I just might have a present for you."

Squealing happily, they raced up the stairs and Tommy stood to his feet, facing Jude.

"Hey big eyes. Don't I get a hug?" He held out his arms expectantly.

Jude moved forward slowly and then rushed back to meet him, flying into his arms as if she were coming home after a long time away.

"I missed you," she whispered, pressing her lips to his neck.

"I swear, next time you have to go to NYC to work on an album, you're only going for a weekend tops."

He chuckled. "Next time you're coming with me."

She smiled up at him as she pulled back. He looked the same, seven or so years older and his features a little wiser and more refined but still warm and reassuring and dazzlingly handsome.

"Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" He asked, running a hand through her hair.

She shook her head softly. "I dreamed a dream and now it's come true." At his questioning gaze she shrugged lightly. "When I was pregnant with Emma I had this dream about her sitting by the fireplace, at seven years old. There was a little boy I recognized. I knew he was mine but there someone else in him I couldn't quite place. Then his father came home and he rushed to the door but I couldn't see his face, the harder I tried the more it slipped away. And then I woke up, to you."

He held her face in his hands gently and kissed her passionately, the kiss almost bruising in it's intensity. "I love you," he whispered as he pulled back, "Jude Harrison-Quincy, you are my world."

She leaned up to kiss him again, the words easily slipping from her lips just before they met his, as they had so many times before, "I love you."


	59. Bonus: Deleted and Alternate Scenes

**Deleted, Extended and Alternate Scenes**

This is a collection of scenes I cut from the story or alternate scenes that show a different direction I was once planning on taking...

Enjoy. lol.

**"It wasn't your fault"**

_This scene is pretty much the same as in the story. There's just a little variation in the final paragraphs_

The tabloids would make it quite the scandal had they known that since moving Jude had spent more time sleeping in Tommy's bed, _with_ Tommy, then in her own. But then tabloids had absolutely no perception or understanding of an innocent, platonic relationship. Though she had to admit she didn't mind this spooning position they'd adopted in their sleep one bit.

She lay there silently, watching as the dawn sunlight began to stream in through the window. The light it cast began to creep from the floor and up over the bed as time passed. Eventually it bathed them both in golden sunlight and Tommy began to stir.

"Hey," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Hey," she whispered back.

He noticed how close he was holding her suddenly and for fear of making her uncomfortable, quickly let go. "Did you sleep okay?" he asked as he shifted to the other side of the bed.

She rolled onto her side to gaze at him. "I'm fine. Are you?"

His eyes drifted to the ceiling as he sighed heavily, "It's too early for this conversation."

"I don't think the time of the day, the weather, setting or temperature really does much to help with tough conversations," she remarked with a sad shrug, "I just want to help you, Tommy. If you don't want to talk about what happened then we don't have to. Just let me be here for you the way you have been for me."

"It's not true," he whispered, so softly she wasn't sure he'd spoken at all, "what he said. At least I don't think it's true," he covered his eyes with his hands, his voice shaking and so very small, "…I don't want to think it's true."

"Tommy," she said softly, shaking her head slightly.

"No, I need to do this," his voice was firm. "I just want it to be over." He sat up and reached for his wallet on the bedside table. With shaking his hands he took out the old tattered letter. He handed it to her silently, his eyes not meeting hers. As Jude read the letter he gazed out the window. Other then blinking once or twice he didn't move once.

Jude read the letter twice. Her eyes skimming over the words, seeing the shaky handwriting, the tears stains – tears that could have been either Linda's or Tommy's. She imagined the terrified young girl writing the hasty letter, pleading with the brother she idolized for help.

"Linda was your sister," she whispered. It was more of a statement, a realization, rather then a question.

He nodded as he took the letter back from her and returned it to his wallet. "She sent me this letter a few months after I left home, about a year before I joined Boyz Attack. I went home to get her straight away. We didn't think Dad would be home from work for another hour or so but he came home early. He'd had a few drinks and he flew into a rage like he always did. I shoved him away from Linda and he punched me."

Tears pooled in Jude's eyes. She inched closer to him and put her hand on his. He twisted his hand around so he was holding hers in the palm of his and squeezed it tightly.

"He hit me a few times but I managed to get out of there somehow. Linda was waiting for me in the car. I was so scared that he'd follow me that… I drove faster… then I should have. Something went wrong at an intersection. I didn't see the truck. He'd missed the stop sign and drove straight into my car, on Linda's side." He stopped, his voice dissolving into tears.

Jude wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. If there were some way to take his pain away and bear it herself she would have in that moment.

"They think she died on impact. The Doctor's insisted she wouldn't have felt anything but that didn't mean anything at the time," he brushed his tears away with the back of his hand and set his jaw grimly. "They took me to the hospital; I had a few broken bones and some pretty bad cuts. It's how I got this scar," he motioned to his forehead. "The cops tested me. I'd had a beer earlier but I wasn't over the limit. They said it didn't factor into the accident at all but Dad never cared. The entire time I was so terrified that he was going to show up. I just _knew_ that if he got into my hospital room that it would be it, he wouldn't hurt me, he'd kill me. But he never showed up. Yesterday was the first time I'd seen him since."

"It wasn't your fault, Tommy, it wasn't," Jude shook her head emphatically. She placed the palm of her hands on the side of his face and moved so that she was looking into his eyes, "it wasn't." She repeated.

He shook his head. "I should have called the police and told them what was going. I should have called Child Welfare or something. I just charged in there, telling myself it could be contained, that I could help her. I was going to bring her back to Toronto with me." He shook his head, "Such a stupid idea. I would have been arrested. I don't know what I was thinking but if I hadn't done what I did, she'd still be here today."

"You did what she asked you to do, Tommy. She didn't want any of that, she just wanted you. She would have been so happy to see you. I know." she smiled shakily as she stroked the side of his face, "You were a good brother."

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, her lips brushing the tears away. She repeated the process on the other cheek, her lips following the trail of tears down his cheek before accidentally and innocently brushing across the corner of his lips. She felt her heart bounce in her chest at the contact and froze, still kneeling in front of him. She suddenly felt so young and ignorant; like she'd committed some crime she didn't even understand and now awaited the consequences of the actions.

His eyes fluttered open to meet hers and for a second she allowed herself to gaze into their depths before closing her own eyes and gently pressing her lips to his. This time it was intentional and her soft lips caressed his in a manner that was strangely not sexual, instead comforting, as if speaking the simple words that somehow seemed too small when spoken; 'you're not alone and I care.'

She felt his whole body begin to shake as he finally gave into the pain and heartache he'd been running away from for so long. She pulled back, and wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her tightly.

When emotions are suppressed over time, the energy behind them is compacted under intense pressure. But unlike coal turning to diamonds, nothing beautiful comes from the evasion. As Tommy released the pent up emotions from his past it was like a freight train ripping through him, through the very room and for a moment it's as if all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. There's was an overwhelming, unbearable physical pain invading every inch of his body and a feeling of pure panic that washed over and overwhelmed him. He screamed, forcing out the panic, forcing out the anger and momentarily terrifying the girl holding him.

The first step is always the hardest but also the most rewarding.

**A fight over Justin**

_This scene was originally written when Justin was first introduced. Original plans where for Jude's and Justin's relationship to progress to a degree where they were almost dating, as shown in the scene…_

In this scene Tommy is confronting Jude about her relationship with Justin and the threat it causes them.

"So exactly what do you plan on doing?" He asked. "The two of you are practically dating! You know Darius is talking about holding a press conference and going public about your pregnancy right? You know that little thing where we say the baby is ours! The papers are already talking about you and Justin and rumors of you dating; which come to think of it is probably exactly what he wants."

Jude rolled her eyes.

"What are they going to say when they're told you're having my baby and dating him?"

She pushed away from the wall, "So that's it! You're worried about your reputation?"

Anger blazed in his eyes as he turned and kicked a nearby dumpster before spinning back to face her, "I'm worried about _you_! Do you think I'd have done any of this to begin with if I was worried about my reputation?"

Her gazed dropped at the truth of his words, "Sorry."

He ran a hand through his hair, sighing in frustration, "Seriously, Jude. What do you want? Do you want to change the plan and actually go public with the truth? Tell everyone you got drunk at a party – underage, and slept with some random stranger?"

She glared at him as she shook her head, "I don't know."

"You know, you don't even really remember what happened, so much of this you're taking Justin at his word for." He pointed out softly.

She shook her head, "No, it's him. She looks like him."

Tommy frowned, "Who?"

Jude's eyes widened as she realized the remark she'd made. She sighed as she sat down on the stairs and Tommy sat beside her, "I had this dream awhile ago, over Christmas about my daughter and this little boy. The girl looked like Justin, a lot."

Tommy was silent for a moment as he mulled it over, "So that was before you met Justin?"

Jude nodded.

"You said there was a little boy too. So in the dream you'd had two kids with him?"

Jude shook her head, frowning slightly, "No, the boy didn't look like Justin at all…"

**Darius confronts Tommy**

_This scene was written during chapter three and originally the first time Darius learned of Jude and Tommy living together. As the story progressed the scenes with Darius' discovery got delayed and then the circumstances of his discovery changed._

Tommy was scribbling over some lyrics in Studio B while waiting for a late musical artist to arrive for work. Kwest entered the room with an oversized sandwich and nodded a greeting.

Jude had attended school for the day. He'd had to apply a little pressure to get her to do so and for the first time felt himself relating with his mother and the nightmare she'd had trying to get him to attend school. Jude was concerned she'd get ill but he pointed out her morning sickness usually passed by 9am. She looked surprised and maybe even a little alarmed that he'd worked out the schedule.

Tommy glanced through to the G-Major foyer in search of his artist but instead noticed a disgruntled Darius headed his way.

"Kind of reminds you of going to the Principal's office, huh?" Kwest asked, observing Tommy's alarmed expression.

"Tom, Where's Jude?" Darius asked when he entered the room.

Tommy shrugged, "Why should I know?" Noticing Darius' unimpressed expression he added, "But my guess would be school?"

Darius frowned, "I went round to her parents place yesterday afternoon to discuss some career points with them and Jude-"

Tommy felt his blood run cold.

"And they said she was no longer living with them" Darius continued, "They didn't say much more other then that I should probably talk to you, 'given the circumstances'"

Kwest shot him a questioning look and Tommy shrugged, "I guess they just figured I'd know where she's staying since we work together. Maybe you should ask Spied? She's probably been staying at their rehearsal space."

Darius stared at Tommy who was too scared to look away, "You know something" Darius declared.

"I do?"

"Don't mess with me T!"

Realizing he couldn't put it off any longer Tommy nodded slightly, "Ok, I do but I can't discuss it with you now"

"Then when?" Darius yelled, his anger boiling over.

"When Jude gets here. She's coming in after school"

"Be at my office the moment she arrives," and with that he left the studio, slamming the door as he did so.

"Damn Tom! What's going on?" Kwest asked.

"It's complicated" Tommy responded quietly, his gaze focused on a knob on the soundboard and anywhere but his friends questioning gaze.

"Obviously! Do you know where Jude's staying?"

Tommy sighed, "With me"

Kwest swore softly as he slid his chair back till he was facing Tommy, "Tom! She's seventeen!"

Tommy didn't answer,

"Why?"

"Because her parents kicked her out"

"Why did they kick her out"

"What is this? Twenty questions?"

"No, this is your friend trying to find out what trouble your stupid ass got itself into this time!" Kwest responded without missing a beat.

"She's staying with me because she's pregnant and her parents kicked her out, ok?" Tommy responded in a flurry of mumbled words.

Kwest's jaw dropped and had it been for any other reason Tommy would have chuckled at the stunned expression on his friends face. "Who's the father?" Kwest finally asked.

Tommy rolled his eyes, "I know you don't read tabloids Kwest but even you can't have missed the talk going on around the studio. We've been seeing each other – it's mine."

Kwest's eyes widened. If he'd thought he'd been surprised before Tommy realized he hadn't seen anything yet. "What the hell?" Kwest leapt to his feet but Tommy motioned for him to sit back down.

"Don't make a scene, ok? No one but her family knows yet and I'd like to keep it that way till I speak to Darius today."

Kwest shook his head, "Well it's been nice knowing you man but you brought this on yourself"

**Sneaky Jude**

_This scene did feature in the final version of TA though it was toned down somewhat in it's slapstick and overly caffeinated nature_

Jude tapped her foot nervously, as she gazed at the flashing numbers above the elevator door. "One, two, three," she murmured softly, barely blinking as she watched the numbers change.

"Would you stop that?" Sadie groaned by the time they'd reached the sixth floor.

"We should have taken the stairs," Jude said, neither noticing nor acknowledging her sisters complaints, "he never takes the stairs. We might get to his floor, the doors open and there he is. I am not up to that right now."

"Well I think you're overreacting. You two just need to sit down and talk already!"

"I _know_, okay? You said that a million times in the car coming over here," Jude snapped.

Sadie rolled her eyes, "and you didn't listen once."

"This is it!" Jude leapt behind Sadie, trying to shelter her body behind her sister's petite frame as the bell rang and the doors slid open with a metallic groan.

"You are being ridiculous," Sadie whispered over her shoulder but despite herself she found her self holding her breath as she stuck her head out into the corridor and peered about. "Coast is clear," she reported to Jude who was still jumping about behind her in an attempt to stay shielded. "Stop doing that! It's creeping me out."

Sadie casually strolled into the hallway while Jude stayed in the elevator. She stuck her head out like a Meer cat surveying the desert before darting across the corridor – almost on tiptoes and pressing her back to the opposite wall. Sadie gaped at her as she inched sideways along the wall until she reached Tommy's door. Ducking down she ran past it to where a fake tree sat against the same wall. She hid behind it, peering through the fake foliage as Sadie stood at Tommy's door.

"If he's there just act casual and say you came around looking for me. Don't let on you know anything!" Sadie tried to act casual and normal, as if plastic trees called out instructions to her in hotel hallways every day.

She leaned in close, attempting to see through the peephole, Jude's nervousness having proven contagious. Gulping she pressed down on the door buzzer and waited; nothing. She pressed the button again and still there was no response.

"He's not here Jude. Get out from behind that tree already. You're embarrassing me!" She hissed.

Jude happily joined her at the door, quickly fishing her keys from her bag only to pause with them a few centimeters from the keyhole. "Wait, what if he's home and just not answering the door?" She asked, eyes wide.

"Just give me those!" Sadie snatched the keys from Jude's hands and unlocked the door before her sister could protest. It swung open silently and she turned to where Jude had been standing. "See? Nothing. Jude?" She peered around her in the empty corridor until she caught sight of a couple of leaves moving on the tree to her right. "Get out from behind the damn tree already!"

**In the interest of full disclosure…**

_This scene follows Tommy's run in with Ashley at the Nought Eighty-Six single launch party. My initial plans were what was featured in the story… only I forgot my initial plans and wrote this scene. Later I remembered and rewrote Tommy running into Joseph Tyme, getting drunk and then encountering Jude's Dad._

Tommy softly closed the apartment door behind him and hung his coat by the door. The faint sound of the television drifted down the hallway to him and from the doorway to the lounge a faint bluish glow was the only light spilling out. He paused by the door to see Jude lying on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her head on a pillow. Her eyes were closed and as he tiptoed into the room he realized she was asleep.

"Jude?" He whispered, kneeling down next to the sofa. He tucked the blanket in up under her chin then smile as he stroked the back of his knuckles down her cheek gently.

She stirred slightly and her big blue eyes blearily opened. "Hey," she murmured, her voice husky with sleep, "did you just get back?" He nodded and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. "How was it?"

"Kind of dull actually. I missed you when you left. Are you feeling okay?"

She nodded and slowly shifted into a sitting position, her legs still on the sofa and her back to the armrest, "I'm fine. I just wasn't in the whole party mood."

He nodded. "In the interest of full disclosure… Ashley hit on me tonight?"

"Really?" Her eyes widened as various graphic scenarios flittered through her mind making her feel as nauseous as she ever did through her morning sickness stage.

"No one saw and I turned her down," he shrugged.

Jude cringed slightly and lifted her shoulders in a shrug like gesture, "I feel bad."

"Because you weren't there to protect me from the five foot four groupie attack?"

"Hmmm," she tilted her head to the side and smiled, "She is pretty scary but unless she has a secret black belt I do think you can handle her."

"She does have a black belt actually," he smirked as Jude's eyes widened, "and a blue one, and a green one, and then there's that little glittery number she wore tonight. Seriously, are belts some new trend or something?"

She giggled in appreciation of his effort to lighten the mood then examined the palm of her hand nervously, running a finger along one of the crease lines. "Do you like her?" she glanced up to see his look of surprise then motioned for him not to speak, "I mean I hate to think that I'm stopping you from a relationship that could have been something. You know?"

"She wasn't suggesting a relationship. Just that we hook up behind the band and your backs."

"That-" she paused, scrambling for a word then stopped, "This is a G, well, PG rated house hold so I won't say but wait till I get my hands on her. That's so tacky low."

"I think it'd be best if we all pretend the whole thing didn't happen. I am going to talk to Darius about finding a new Producer for the band tomorrow, though."

"Do you have to? I mean, can't we just evict her from the band and G-Major or something?"

"Maybe run her over with a steam roller at the same time?"

She laughed and shook her head, "No, that would be too messy…"

He laughed too. "Right."

**Tommy's breakdown**

_This scene was written in the early days of the story. As usual I was thinking too far ahead and when the details that lay between were filled in, this scene was no longer needed. It was meant to be a lead in to Tommy's family issues. The two were at G-Major (making out for some reason I never quite decided other then that you guys would like it – perhaps for the sake of convincing their coworkers?) when the scene took place._

He ran a hand through her hair, clutching a handful in one fist as his lips slid over hers. Wincing slightly, she reached back to gently pry his fingers from her hair. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her, hadn't realized as he did and even now hadn't really noticed. His mind was somewhere else. She became more and more convinced of this with every strange action and look. She could feel the difference in him.

She pulled back a little and whispered against his lips, "What's wrong?"

His only response was to crash his lips into hers again, his eyes sealed shut. She rested a hand on his shoulder, feeling the tension there. She lowered her hand to his chest then flattened her palm against him, pushing him away.

"Something's wrong. I know. Talk to me, Tommy." She tried to look in his eyes but he refused to meet hers.

He turned away from her and ran a hand through his hair. Wisely she stayed silent. With a soft groan he suddenly sank to the floor, burying his face in his hands. Alarmed by the unusual actions, Jude leapt forward, "Tommy?" She whispered, panic seeping into her voice. She knelt down in front of him and tentatively raised a hand to his face. She winced as she pried his hand away, still trying to get him to look at her.

He wasn't crying but there was emptiness in his eyes that tugged at Jude's heart as he reached for her. He pulled her two him, wrapping his arms around her tightly like a child hugging a soft toy as it imagined monsters hiding under his bed on a dark night. He hugged her because he needed to. He hugged her because he needed her strength, to know that she was there. She stayed frozen in place, one hand sliding up and down his back as she whispered soft soothing words.

**"I love you"**

_First draft. Is different. Can't remember much more…_

He caught her by the shoulders, spinning her until she was facing him, her back to the wall. The action was forceful; almost violent, almost scary. Only she wasn't hurt and she wasn't afraid. It wasn't anger in Tommy's eyes but passion and… love. Love that washed over her like warming waves, love that was branded into her skin by his soft touch as his hand ran up the curve of her neck and cupped her chin.

She shivered as she closed her eyes, thankful for the support of the wall behind her. She felt his lips graze her forehead and her eyes fluttered open.

"I love you," The words were so soft she questioned if she'd heard correctly.

His eyes met hers momentarily before he placed a soft kiss on her cheekbone. "I've been attracted to you ever since I first met you," He softly whispered again her skin. He dragged his lips further down her cheek and kissed her there, "I started falling for you that day at the park," He kissed her jaw line, and her eyes drifted shut again. She was staying so still – afraid to shatter the moment or wake from the dream.

"And that night you were so terrified of the sheep" He continued. He smiled against her skin as he murmured the words and she found herself smiling too.

He placed a kiss on her chin and she felt herself tremble slightly. "I fell in love with you as I watched you grow stronger and braver." He kissed her right cheek, just below her ear, "And I fell in love more as I watched you falling in love with your baby through your pregnancy," He brushed a kiss along her hairline then pulled back to look in her eyes. "I love you, Jude." This time he said it louder. This time she didn't once doubt that she'd heard correctly.

She searched his eyes, seeing everything he'd just professed mirrored there. She knew she should answer; he was waiting for her answer. Her mind desperately tried to focus on something other then those blue depths and the delicious warmth of knowing this man loved her that was washing over her.

It was so sudden, so unexpected, though in retrospect she realized maybe she did see it coming. She didn't know how to answer. She needed time to think.

She wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him toward her and tilting her head up to kiss him, buying time with a kiss that was only a partial answer.

He responded to the kiss with very little urging, wrapping his arms around her waist and running a hand up her back, greedily taking what little answer she gave him. Their lips met and parted and she tilted her head slightly to achieve a better angle. He lowered his head, his lips capturing hers again, leaving her barely a moment to catch her breath.


End file.
